Hey everyone! This isn't a very long chapter (at least for me I guess, I'm not really sure how long a chapter should be lol) but I wanted to get it out.

The world is a very crazy place and I am going through a lot of changes. I started this story in 2017 or 2018 though and it honestly helps me so much with working through my trauma. It's been a constant for me even when nothing else felt like it was stable.

For those of you reading, thank you. I don't think I could ever explain how much your comments mean to me. Sometimes I lose motivation and second guess myself and my stories but if even one of you like it, it's a win for me. Much love and light 3

If I thought that things would be easy as a prisoner of the Resistance, I was sorely mistaken. I was in and out of it for what seemed like ages. The only thing that helped was my connection to Snoke when I would go under. I was under the impression he kept away when I was awake so no one around us could sense him, but all he ever told me was to remember where I belonged. Leia was force sensitive and no one in the First Order knew for sure if there was anyone else that was too.

Once I was fully awake, I was treated like a Commander in the First Order. No one spoke to me. I had no idea the extent of my injuries nor was I even sure where I was. They slapped binders on me that immediately tore the force from me. I wasn't sure why that surprised me so much, but I never thought Leia would let them do that to me.

I couldn't tell how long it had been, but I could tell that I was underground somewhere as time went on. Whatever medical bay they had was subpar. I realized that I should have been happy that I was getting medical treatment at all, but I was with the enemy. I was hurting and cut off from the force. It sure as hell wasn't putting me into a good mood.

I had been alone in the bay for a good three hours before two low level Resistance members came in. One of them had a blaster trained on me and the other told me to get up. I laughed at them knowing damn well there was no way I was going to walk. Something had been broken inside of my leg and crudely repaired with a physical operation.

"Not that any of you have told me what's wrong, but I doubt I can walk."

"I said get up, First Order whore."

I rolled my jaw and glared at him.

"It's Commander Whore, thank you."

I smirked at him and he instantly backhanded me. I spit blood into the floor and glared up at him.

"Is that what Leia tells you to do? Beat your prisoners?"

"Leia isn't here."

He grabbed my arm and pulled me to my feet. I cried out in pain as soon as I put weight on my left leg, but he didn't stop moving. I scrambled to catch up to him, but my leg gave up, dropping me to my knees.

"Get up!"

He grabbed my hair at the back of my head and started dragging me. I grabbed onto his wrist and kicked my one good leg trying to take some of the pressure away from my scalp. Luckily, we didn't need to go far before he tossed me forward onto the floor. I was panting in pain and pulled myself onto my hands and knees, glaring upwards at the three men in front of me.

"It's funny, you call yourself the good guys."

The newer man planted a perfect kick to my ribcage, knocking me onto my side.

"Shut up. Don't pretend like you haven't killed before!"

"Is that what you're here for? A pity you didn't do it before. You don't seem to have many resources."

"We know what you do, freak. Torture our guys then kill them."

"And torturing me is so different?"

I groaned and pulled myself back up, favoring my left leg but not wanting to be prone on the ground. I opened my mouth but the one directly in front of me spit on my face before I could mutter a word. I wiped it off and snarled.

"I thought you were used to being spit on, whore. Now we were wondering. Was it Kylo Ren or General Hux that had you screaming under them?"

"Don't you know it was both? They probably had her at the same time."

I felt my anger flare but there was nothing I could do. I didn't have the force. I didn't have a blaster. I wanted them dead. I felt more hopeless than I was even with the First Order.

"That is true. I never have seen the rank she was wearing before. Must be leadership whore."

They all laughed, and I started seeing red. It was such a weird feeling to be so angry and not have the force manipulated. I clenched my fists and engrained their facial features into my mind. I made a mental note to compare their face then to what it would look like when I killed them.

"Alright. Time to get down to it. We don't know what's going to happen to you. The brass could decide to kill you, but we have a feeling they're going to be soft and somehow, you'll get away. So, just to make sure the First Order always know you're a failure, we're going to give you a little present."

The man stepped forward and ripped part of my shirt down, so the top part of my chest was showing. Him and the one to his left grabbed me, holding me in place. The third came forward and walked directly in front of me. My eyes widened when I saw the blazing hot metal in his gloved hand. As he got closer, I could see that it was The Resistance symbol. I struggled to get away, but their grip tightened.

"Now stay still. We want it to be nice and clear."

They gripped me so tightly that I couldn't move. I wanted to shut my eyes and try to zone out, but I couldn't unglue my eyes from the metal as it pressed forward onto my skin. I screamed out as the searing pain hit me. It felt close to what the blaster shot felt like, but the pain wasn't starting to numb.

"Oh, that stinks."

He pulled the metal away and I violently vomited as they let me fall forward. Between the pain and the smell of burnt flesh I couldn't control it. I sobbed and barely held myself up.

"Alright, get her back to the bed before the doctors come back. I only paid them for a few hours."

They dragged me back down the hallway as I sobbed. I was tossed unceremoniously into the bed and I curled up on my side, not caring that my back was to them. I heard them leave and I continued to cry and grip the bed.

I needed to escape. I needed to get away. There was nowhere that I would be safe, especially not if Resistance assholes were around. I decided then that once I was done crying, I would do anything in my power to get back to Snoke. His pain made sense. It made me stronger. He was the only one that would teach me to be strong enough that I would never allow the power to be taken from me again.

The doctors hesitated when they saw the branding on my chest but never said a word about it. It was bandaged and checked on, but I knew it wasn't going to just heal. Especially not with the force being ripped away. After a few days I heard a few of them talking about how Leia was going to be landing soon. I figured that we were on a base somewhere that they were hoping the First Order didn't know about.

I felt like I had lost all my fire. I felt weak physically and the attack on me made it difficult to sleep. I didn't trust any of them, so my eyes opened at any noise. It made for sleepless nights and exhausting days. I found myself flinching whenever someone would touch me. There was one nurse in particular that would give me looks of pity and it infuriated me. I didn't need her pity.

"The General wants to see you today."

I looked at the young girl and sneered.

"I brought you some fresh clothes and we will get you dressed. I was given permission to give you some pain meds, so walking is easier for you."

"Why don't you just get some of your men to drag me down the hallway."

She looked at me and chewed on her bottom lip.

"I'm sorry that happened to you. I.. I'm not in charge here or.."

"You're all monsters."

She frowned and helped me change.

"I can see why you feel that way. I didn't.. I didn't sign up to do things like that. I know that.. well.. you're the enemy right? You've done some things that.. are wrong but.. well you didn't deserve that at all."

"Is your hesitance because you believe it was wrong or because you're finally seeing through the lies you've been told?"

She chewed on her bottom lip but never answered me. She went to grab the needle to inject with me the pain medication, but my hand shot out and grabbed her wrist. She gasped and looked at me with wide eyes.

"I don't trust you. I don't trust anyone here. I don't care how much it hurts. I won't let you inject me with something that could fog my mind."

"I don't think you're going to be able to walk then. You were gravely injured."

"I can assure you that I've had worse."

She grimaced and walked across the room, grabbing a single crutch.

"You can lean on this. It will help keep your full pressure of your leg."

"You're giving me something I could use as a weapon?"

"Are you going to hurt me with it?"

Her voice was almost squeaky she was so fearful.

"You haven't given me a reason to. However, don't think for a second I won't kill you if it means getting out of here."

She nodded and motioned for me to stand, handing me the crutch. It had been long enough that I was healing, but it did still hurt. Part of me wanted to ask for the pain medication but after the branding incident I was not leaving myself vulnerable.

We walked slowly down the hallway with how much I needed to take breaks. My leg hurt like hell but there was no way I was going to stop. The young medic walked with me, watching me intently.

"They never told me your name."

"What?"

She stopped when I did and gave me a soft smile.

"I never was told your name. Just that you're a Commander in the First Order."

"Why does it matter?"

"Well, you're a person. There must be more to you than just the uniform you showed up in."

"And what if there isn't?"

She gave me a light laugh that reached her eyes. I furrowed my eyebrows as she laughed. It had been so long since I had heard a genuine laugh that didn't have malice or an ulterior motive behind it.

"I don't believe that for a second. You have to have some type of past. A history. You didn't just wake up one day in the First Order."

I chuckled darkly and kept walking.

"That's exactly what happened. I woke up one day suddenly a slave for the First Order and did everything they asked of me."

She fell quiet but I could tell my sarcasm was hurting her. Little did she know it wasn't all that false.

"My name is Laraya."

"I don't remember asking you."

"Oh, you didn't. I just know that no one else has spoken to you. At least now you know who to ask for if you need help with something."

I stopped and glared at her.

"What is your end game here? Pretend to be nice to me to get information? I have none. I don't need your kindness nor your pity. I meant what I said back there. I wouldn't hesitate to kill you if it benefited me. Force or no force, I'll do what I have to do to survive."

Her face turned a light shade of pink and she looked down at her feet before looking back up at me.

"I've heard of you, you know? I've heard all the bad things you've done. But I also heard Leia talking about the beautiful little girl her and Luke found. I don't know your whole story, but I do know that they must have hurt you badly to make you so full of hate. I'm under no illusion that you wouldn't kill me. It doesn't mean I think you should be hurt or treated less than human."

"You're a fool."

"Maybe I am, but that's what the resistance is built on. Hope. I hope that even just a small bit of kindness at least makes you a little more comfortable."

"If the entire Resistance thinks like you do, you're all doomed."

I finally moved forward and continued to work my way towards the General. Laraya was silent the rest of the way, but her words were getting to me. No one had shown me kindness in a long time. Even the false affection and calmness from Kylo and Hux was dangerous. I didn't trust her, but I didn't trust anyone.

I didn't deserve her kindness or pity, that's what I really wanted to say. If I had deserved it, I would have gotten it long before some random medic on a Resistance base.

Laraya checked over my bandages once we reached the room, we were waiting for Leia in. I turned my head from her not wanting to see how gently and careful she was attending to my damaged body. She was naïve and I wanted her to learn just how dangerous that was. I told myself I didn't care about her, but her free heart reminded me of who I used to be.

I hated her.

We sat in silence for a while until I heard the door open. I turned my head so I could just barely see the door and looked away when I saw Leia walking in. I didn't want to see her. I didn't want to face my pain and anger without the force. I didn't know how.

"Everyone but Laraya leave."

I heard movement but continued looking at the wall in front of me. I saw the young medic leave but her footsteps stopped across the room. I counted my breaths trying to keep myself steady. I so badly wanted to just explode and disappear all at the same time.

"You've grown up so much."

"That's what happens when times passes."

Leia sighed and she moved to sit at the table with me. I kept my hands flat on my thighs to stop them from shaking.

"I came as soon as I could."

I scoffed and finally looked at her.

"Is that so? Was that when you found out your precious Resistance captured me, or has it taken you all these years to finally come to save me from the First Order?"

"Last I checked you passed up the chance to get away from them."

"Only after I learned what actually happened."

"You mean what Snoke told you happened."

"The truth. That's what I know."

Leia sighed and reached for my hand. As soon as she touched me, I ripped away from her like it burned me.

"Don't. Don't pretend like you suddenly care, Leia. Nothing you could possibly say to me could make up for everything you've put me through. Everything you let happen to me."

"I'm sorry."

I glared at her and scoffed.

"You're sorry."

"Yes. I am so very sorry for everything. I don't want to fight with you, Aurora."

"You don't want to fight. That's all you know how to do."

She sighed and put her fingers on her temples.

"I saw your medical reports. You're lucky you survived."

"Luck is subjective in this case."

"You would rather to have died?"

"Yes."

"Aurora. I don't know everything that happened while you were with Snoke, but you're safe here."

A hysteric laugh bubbled out of my chest and I gripped the side of the table.

"I'm safe."

"Of course, you are!"

"Did you tell your men that?"

She narrowed her eyes and looked over at Laraya.

"Leave us."

Lara nodded and scurried out of the door. Once she was gone, I went back to looking at the wall.

"Your base is filthy."

"We don't exactly have the resources to keep it as spotless as the First Order ships."

"Perhaps you should train your men to clean instead of assaulting women."

"Tell me what happened."

I sighed and turned so I was facing her fully. I pulled down my shirt slightly so she could see just the top of the branding. She hissed and pulled my shirt down further so she could see the rest of it. I glanced up at her face and saw nothing but pain and disgust.

"Who did this to you?"

"I didn't have the chance to ask their name and rank while they were dragging me down the hallway and holding me down with burning hot metal to my chest."

"Kriff. I'll find out who did this and punish them."

"You could take these binders off me and let me take care of the problem."

She grimaced but nodded.

"I have half a mind to let you. That is not what we do here."

"Apparently it is, Leia."

She rubbed her temples again and I finally looked at how much she had aged. Her hair was filled with different shades of grey and her face was showing the years she had been through. She was so different from the last time I had seen her.

"What is your plan with me, Leia?"

"What?"

"What is your plan. I'm healing. Slowly. But I am healing. What then? Will I be put to death? Imprisoned for the rest of my life? I won't fight for you so that is out of the question. Considering it was the General that tossed me to my death I doubt the First Order is looking for me."

"I haven't thought that far ahead yet."

"I suggest you do. My reputation has preceded me here. You can't be with me every moment and I am not as safe as you think I am."

"What should I do then? Let you go right back to Snoke? I can't do that. I won't."

"I suppose you can't. Though you have rendered me useless. I'm cut off from the force and injured to the point I can't physically fight back. It will just be a matter of time before someone within your ranks decides for you. The pilot perhaps? He's already shot me once."

"Poe is nowhere near here right now."

"That's probably good. I could see him pulling the trigger. Again."

Leia sighed in frustration and stood.

"I'll send Laraya back for you. She will stay with you until I decide what to do."

I laughed out and pulled myself to my feet.

"The feeble little medic? I scare her just by breathing. I hope you decide soon because I doubt she can protect anything let alone me."

Leia glared at me and walked out. I smirked before grimacing in pain. I was seriously hurting but knowing I was getting under her skin made me feel just a fraction better. I held so much anger towards the woman who was deciding my fate. It was probably unwise to provoke her but there was no way I could play nice. Not with her. Not with the Resistance.

Laraya poked her head in the door and gave me a weak smile.

"Are you ready? Leia and I came up with a quick plan."

"Oh fantastic. I have so much faith in you, little mouse."

If you're hating how the resistance treated her, I feel the same. The unfortunate fact about any military (and this is straight personal experience) is that there are some really shitty people who will do really shitty things without leadership knowing about it. There will always be people doing things that don't align with what the force SHOULD be doing or says they believe in. If you haven't read about SPC Vanessa Guillen, her story isn't new nor is it kind but it's the reality that many people face. If it can happen to those who are in, imagine what happens to those who are in captivity. I'm sorry if this hits close to home for anyone, but like I said, this is how I work through my own trauma.

I always tell you that if you need to talk about anything, please let me know. I am always here.

I am pretty active on my cosplay instagram (by active I mean I'm on it, but not very good at posting) at maiihemm. My TikTok is also the same tag. If you want to be friends and chat head over and let me know that's where you're coming from so I can add/follow you back! :)