Chapter 19

It took only a little scheming, for Georgiana to make it to her meeting. The deception being much easier when covered with a veneer of truth, she arranged an appointment with Dr. Whittling at his practise. He would certainly have come to Curzon Street if she had requested it, but she gave as her excuse that she was eager to get out of the house, and no-one questioned this. She'd had a slight fear that perhaps Catherine would think to accompany her, but – likely for understandable reasons – she never volunteered to do so. Thus Georgiana had only one last obstacle to overcome, and she did this by depositing some milk from her breasts into a pap boat, so Mrs. McClare could feed William if he grew hungry while she was gone. Matthew also offered to accompany her, but she encouraged him to take Caroline to Cavendish Square instead.

She did not ask Murray to keep her confidence; when he deposited her in front of Dr. Whittling's house, she bade him return in three hours, saying she intended to do a little shopping after her appointment and there was no sense in taking the carriage with Dr. Whittling's house so near to Bond Street. Moll, the only person who was thus far in her confidence (and who was generally in for any scheme so long as it did not break any of the Ten Commandments), was to shop in Georgiana's stead. This left Bowden, and after an appointment just long enough for Dr. Whittling to examine her and tell her she was healing nicely, she stepped out into the room where her footman waited and indicated they should leave.

He said nothing when she turned to walk towards Mivart's Hotel rather than Bond Street, but when she looked back at him the expression on his countenance was such that she thought it possible he would report this odd behaviour of his wife's to Captain Stanton, unless she gave him a good reason not to.

Georgiana slowed her pace. "Bowden, I hope you would agree with me when I say that Captain Stanton has not been himself, since he returned."

He looked at her, one eye coolly appraising, the other dead and milky. It was an unsettling gaze, but Georgiana held it.

"Aye milady, he ain't been hisself these three months."

"I am going to speak with someone I think may be able to help him. I hope you will understand why I did not want this known by him, or any others. I am not asking you to lie, merely that you omit this portion of my outing, if you speak of it."

"I understand, milady." His countenance showed no further scruples, but if he had any he had kept hidden from her, surely they were eliminated when a man old enough to be her father greeted her at the entrance, and moreover a man known by him to be most honourable.

"Lady Stanton," said he, bowing. "'Tis good to see you, and my do you look well for having borne a child not so long ago. A picture of health and youth, you are!"

"Admiral Russell, it is so very good to see you as well." She curtsied and looked at him affectionately, this man who had been so readily willing to travel here to speak with her.

"Nice place, Mivart's. Admiral Blake keeps an apartment here, but he's down in Pompey for the week and was happy to let me use it. I've got a private parlour reserved – we'll have some tea and cakes and a little talk." He led her through the entrance into a very finely appointed hall, and then up the stairs to an equally well-appointed parlour. The promised tea and cakes – as well as a great many other kickshaws – were already set out upon the table, and Georgiana availed herself of them thoroughly.

"I must thank you again for coming here to see me," she said.

"'Tis nothing. I've been meaning to come to town for some time to attend my investments, and Mrs. Russell has sent me with a great long list of things I am to purchase for her. Lord knows where I am to get half of them."

"Oh, my maid can help with that," said Georgiana. "She is over at Bond Street already. Bowden can go and find her."

Bowden was given the list and sent off to find Moll, which had the added benefit of causing his departure without the need to ask for privacy. Still, even when he had gone, an awkward silence threatened. It was easy to write, my husband is having difficulties and you are the best person I know of to speak of them. It was quite another thing to raise the topic in conversation.

Perhaps sensing this, Admiral Russell said, "I took the steam-ship in, from Gravesend. You been on it?"

Georgiana replied that she had.

"Remarkable, isn't it? Steady six knots the whole way. Never thought I'd see the like in my life. Mark my word, they'll be using them in the navy soon enough. Imagine a battle with no weather-gage."

Georgiana understood enough to know that this meant the wind would no longer provide one ship with an advantage, and her imagination conjured two ships chugging towards each other, each bent upon doing destruction. No skill, no art, just death, inevitable death, on both sides. It was an unsettling thought, and she pushed it from her mind.

He must have sensed this, for he said, "Here, my lady. Why don't you have another cup of tea and tell me what's troubling you. I'll tell you what I suspect, and it's that there was more to this Icarus business than was in the papers."

"There was," whispered Georgiana. She told him everything she could. Weeping often, but feeling a deep relief in finally speaking of all of it to someone, she told him what had truly happened on the Icarus, that it had resulted in a husband plagued by guilt and nightmares, his confidence lost.

Admiral Russell looked grieved. "There was nothing he could have done – nothing any of us could have done. I daresay if you had put Nelson in the that situation, the outcome would have been the same. Meanwhile the lad manages to keep his remaining crew alive for some hundreds of miles in open boats, and navigates to the Azores. Do you have any notion of the seamanship required to do what he did, Lady Stanton?"

"No," Georgiana murmured, shaking her head.

"It was tremendous, I'll tell you that. But he won't admit that to himself, I expect," he said. "I punished him the least of any midshipman I've ever had, you know. I could always see how keenly he felt his own mistakes – it was almost always punishment enough. Most boys who need it, it's because they've known no discipline from their own parents, but I had the sense he'd already known far more than he needed. Boys from genteel backgrounds are supposed to come on board ship and miss the comforts of home, to have to adjust to rigor and discipline. He's the only one I ever saw that was happy from his first day there, and the barest scrap of praise lit that boy up like a Congreve rocket."

It pained Georgiana terribly to hear him articulate what she had suspected. "His – his father is an awful man, a cruel man. I am very grateful to you, for what you did for Captain Stanton – if someone like you had not come along at that time in his life, I fear the damage his father did might have been irreparable. I expect it needs repairing, even now. He's spent his life trying to prove himself worthy to a man who was never going to believe him worthy, and I wish now that he had stopped after the Polonais. I wish I had made him stop, when he was at the zenith of his career."

"What's done is done, Lady Stanton. No sense thinking back on the past and wishing you could change it."

"But what do I do now?"

"I think you know deep down what you need to do – or rather what he needs to do. He needs to go back to sea and prove himself again. If his career ends on this, it will haunt him for the rest of his life."

Georgiana sobbed. He was right, of course, both that it was what Matthew needed and that she had known it herself, deep down. It would not be easy to give him back up to risk, though, not after what she had endured. "He has said he will not return to the navy, after – after what he put us through."

"You'll have to convince him, then."

"Will you – do I ask too much, to ask you to help do so? I do not know that he will, but at the very least I think it would do him a great deal of good to speak with you of these things."

"Of course I will. I'll call tomorrow and just say I came to town for a few days to attend to some business."

Georgiana wiped at her eyes with her handkerchief. "Do you think he will ever be able to be happy on land? I've begun to wonder if maybe this life he intends to have for the sake of his family will be nothing but sacrifice on his part."

"I can't say for sure. I don't think he can be content while he's got this at the front of his mind, though."

"Are you at all acquainted with Captain Ramsey?"

"A little, although I have not served with him."

"His wife was named heir of her father's estate, and so they are often there. He seems to have truly embraced life as a future landowner, but Matthew already owns an estate and he hardly takes any interest in it."

"Has it affected your estate? Are there any – difficulties? I know the weather these past few years has put quite a few under."

"No, The steward and I have been managing matters."

He looked contemplative. "You grew up on one of those big estates in the north, did you not, Lady Stanton?"

"Yes, in Derbyshire," replied Georgiana, who did not truly consider that county to be the north.

"Then it may well be that Matthew recognises his first lieutenant is more competent in such matters than he is, and he is perfectly fine with letting her have the management of them."

"But he will never be more competent if he does not make an effort to learn!"

"Some men enjoy the pleasure of learning new things, gaining new areas of expertise. I expect Captain Ramsey is among them," he said. "There are some men, though, who want only to gain the greatest mastery they can of one thing. Your husband is one of them. He decided when he was very young what he wanted to excel in, and I do not think he has ever deviated from it."

"Then he will never be happy on land." Georgiana sobbed again, and bowed her head.

"There are other things that can give a man happiness. The love of a good woman, his children – " he trailed off, here, and Georgiana regretted that he had reminded himself of one source of happiness that had been denied to him and Mrs. Russell.

They descended into silence, and Georgiana was grateful for a knock at the door. Bowden and Moll entered, the latter curtseying and saying, "I got all of it, sir, and they're takin' the parcels up to your room."

"Well aren't you an efficient little lass," stated Admiral Russell.

"My sister's the best lady's maid there is, sir. I know all the good shops."

Admiral Russell chuckled. "And modest, too. I am sure you are just as good as your sister."

"No I ai – am not, sir. Beggin' your pardon, but I only got my position because I don't get seasick."

This statement prompted true guffaws from Admiral Russell, and brought a rare smile to Georgiana's face.

"Well at the very least you've turned out your lady nicely, and you've helped me quite a bit," said Admiral Russell. "Now what is the butcher's bill?"

"Taylor has put it all on my accounts, and that is the last we shall speak of it," said Georgiana.

"Now, Lady Stanton, I can't let you do that. You must let me pay what I owe you."

"You came all the way here to speak with me, and it has done me a tremendous measure of good. If I could have, I would have brought gifts for the two of you, so let these be my gifts."

He looked as though he intended to protest, but saw by the firmness of Georgiana's gaze that it would be futile. Instead he stood and offered his arm to escort her out, Bowden and Moll following behind them. They began descending the stairs, and Georgiana could hear a party coming down behind them, speaking in French. They were coming down at a far more rapid clip than Georgiana and Admiral Russell – she having so recently given birth and he moving in that rheumatic walk common to older sailors – and they stood aside to let them pass. It was two men, and Georgiana glanced up at them as they passed, only just refraining from gasping.

"Lo – Lord Stretford," she said, bobbing a flustered curtsey.

"Lady Stanton, what a surprise to see you here," he stated. His voice was cold, his eyes hard.

"My lord, 'tis good to see you again. It's been some years, I believe," said Admiral Russell.

"It has indeed, Admiral Russell," said Lord Stretford, his eyes softening just slightly, as though perhaps he was beginning to comprehend the reason for Georgiana's presence in an hotel. They all descended to the stairwell, he murmured something to the man with him, the man murmured something back, and then he said, "May I present the Marquis de La Tour-Maubourg? Monsieur le Marquis, this is my niece, Lady Stanton, and Admiral Russell, an old friend of our family."

They all bowed and curtseyed, the marquis said he was pleased to make their acquaintance, and Georgiana returned his pleasantries in French honed by several weeks in Paris and ongoing conversation with her cousin Marguerite, which seemed to please him.

"The Marquis was just walking me out, Lady Stanton," said Lord Stretford, a bit of the iron returned to his voice. "Allow me to see you home in my carriage."

Georgiana almost said that she had come in her own carriage, then thought better of it. They would have to speak – it was inevitable now – and it was better to have it done with. She asked Bowden to see Taylor home in her own carriage, and although his countenance was reluctant, still he went, leaving Georgiana to the protection of the man he thought to be her uncle-in-law.

Georgiana had always admired Matthew's ability to keep a cool head even in the most difficult situations, and when she and Lord Stretford gained his carriage, she understood thoroughly that this was a trait he had inherited from his father.

"I do not," he stated levelly, "like to find my daughter – mere weeks after she has given birth – meeting with a man, regardless of who the man is, in an hotel."

Georgiana could not hold his gaze, and dropped her eyes to her lap. "I am sorry," she said. "I didn't know what else to do. He was the best person I knew, to help Matthew."

"You could have come to me."

"Forgive me for speaking freely, but you are part of what troubles Matthew."

"Dear Lord, Georgiana, you did not tell Admiral Russell of – "

"No, of course not. That is not my secret to tell, and I promise I will never tell it. But we spoke of a great deal else, and he is going to call on Matthew tomorrow. Matthew needs someone – someone from the navy, someone he trusts and admires – to absolve him of his guilt over what happened with the Icarus. We should have let the court martial go forward, but I am of the hopes that this will be some manner of replacement."

"That was my doing. You need not say we."

"I cannot deny that I supported what you did at the time, but I should have understood by his reaction then what it took from him. He – he is not well. He still has nightmares, more nights than he does not."

Any remaining trace of sternness left his countenance, given over to grief, to concern. "And you think speaking with Admiral Russell will help him, when speaking to us has not?"

"I do. Admiral Russell is the first authority figure Matthew ever knew, in the navy. And he – I believe he healed a lot of the damage Mr. Stanton did."

"Do you think I do not know that? Do you think it was an accident that Matthew was placed with him, out of all the captains I had connexions with?"

"No, I suppose not," Georgiana said, pondering this sudden defensiveness of his. Then it occurred to her that Admiral Russell was the one father figure in Matthew's life who had never betrayed his trust or injured him, and understood jealousy to be at work. She continued, firmly, "This is what he needs. There is something else he will need beyond this, and for that we will require your assistance. Matthew must go to sea again. I can endeavour to convince him to do so, but he will need another command."

"You are willing to do this, after nearly losing him?"

"I must," she said, giving in to her tears. "I want more than half a husband back."

He drew her in to an embrace. "There, there, my child. We will give Matthew what he needs. The command will be easily enough managed, so do not worry yourself over that. I wonder if the Caroline has one more journey left in her – I had been thinking to pay a call on Mr. Adams."

Admiral Russell called at Curzon Street the next morning, greeting them all as though he had not seen Georgiana the day before. She felt a little guilt encroaching, then – she did not like keeping secrets from Matthew, and here she had been, conspiring behind his back. It was for his own good, she reminded herself, and yet she knew the guilt would only grow.

After some pleasantries in the drawing-room with the Stantons and Ramseys, Admiral Russell proposed to Matthew that they have a little walk in Hyde Park. He put it delicately, particularly for a man who could not often be described as delicate, and there was no way Matthew could have refused even if he had wanted to. Georgiana saw by his countenance, though, that he did wish to go, and she saw them off hopefully, then went back upstairs to William.

Admiral Russell had called it a little walk, but they were out for a very long time, and this gave Georgiana still more hope. When Matthew finally returned, he knocked on Georgiana's door, entered, and closed it carefully behind him. William had finished nursing and fallen asleep on his mother's shoulder; they both laid quietly in the bed as Matthew approached, extended his hand and brushed his fingers ever-so-lightly over William's head. The child did not stir, and Matthew, catching his wife's eye, said, "You orchestrated this."

"I did," she whispered, trembling.

His hand shifted to her cheek, trailing his fingertips along her skin before he said, "Do not mistake me, Georgiana. I know you acted out of concern, and your concerns were surely well-founded. More than that, though – you did me measure of good."

"I deceived you, Matthew – "

He prevented her from saying anything more by lightly brushing his lips over hers, and murmuring, "With the very best of intentions, which came out as you had wished. Speaking of it with Admiral Russell, I feel – I feel as though a burden has been lifted from me."

"I am very glad to hear that – I had hoped it would be thus," Georgiana said. "There is more you must do, though. You need to go back to sea, Matthew – you need to take another command."

"Admiral Russell tried to convince me of this as well, and my answer to him was the same as I shall give to you: I made you a promise, Georgiana, and I intend to keep it."

"I don't want you to keep it!" she cried. "I want you to heal, to recover, and I will do whatever it takes, I will give up whatever it takes, to give you that chance."

Her agitation had disturbed little William, and she was required to spend some minutes in calming him before either of them could speak again.

"Are you prepared to wear black again?"

"Matthew!"

"Are you? Are you prepared to see me return to sea, knowing that may be the outcome?"

"Matthew, my mother died when she was forty, and my father when he was one and fifty, both of them on land. We cannot know what risks life will send our way, but now I understand what it is to live less than the life you should. Do not doubt that it would break my heart to wear black again, but it would break it just as much to see you give up at one and thirty, to simply stagger through to old age endeavouring to protect your wife and children."

"And have you orchestrated my return to the navy, as well?

Georgiana blushed, and cast down her eyes. He kissed her cheek. "Perhaps you have prompted it, but I am sure I know who wields the power to make it so. May I presume I will receive a summons from the Admiralty soon?"

Georgiana nodded. "You must go, and accept the command they offer."

"And If I do, am I to leave my family at Stanton Hall, or bring them with me on board whatever ship I am given?"

"You know the answer to that. You know we shall stay with you."

"Even as you know of my nightmares?"

"I have reason to think the assignment given you will be nothing like your nightmares, Matthew. Your father will make sure of that."

He looked at her thoughtfully. "Georgiana, is there anything you would not do to aid me?"

"No," she replied, with utmost firmness.

Georgiana was more right than she could have realised. Two days later, Matthew was summoned to the Admiralty, and he returned looking rather perturbed. "I have been assigned to carry Lord Stretford to America, for negotiations. And – " here his voice gained a touch of affection " – I am to do so on HMS Caroline. It seems she has one journey left in her."

His wife's reaction was one of happiness and confusion, although it was the latter upon which she spoke. "Lord Stretford said he needed to call on Mr. Adams – I thought he was someone at the Admiralty."

"John Quincy Adams, dearest. Their Secretary of State."

"Oh – of course. But what could they have to negotiate over? I thought everything with the late war was resolved, even the Pacific territories."

"So did I, but now the Americans are negotiating with Spain, and we do not recognise any Spanish claim in the Pacific. I cannot be entirely sure that a marquess was necessary to tell them that, although my uncle did get on well with Mr. Adams when he was their Embassador here. I suspect he offered to go with the stipulation that he could choose the captain that would convey him there."

"When would we sail?"

"Less than a fortnight. But Georgiana, are you certain you wish to go with me? And the children? William is still very young."

"I will have none of that argument, Matthew. His sister was born on a ship, and she has turned out wonderfully."

Wonderful Caroline might have been, but she did not take the news that she was to return to her namesake with any equanimity. Georgiana went up to the nursery to deliver the news and found Catherine there, playing with the little girl, something she did often since the nursery had emptied of playmates Caroline's age. Georgiana entered and Caroline pointed to the top of her head, where a thin ribbon was just barely holding onto her wispy hair.

"Mama, lookit what Aunty Catty did!" she exclaimed.

"Oh my darling, you look very beautiful – I do not think I have ever seen a little girl so beautiful as you," replied Georgiana. "I have come to tell you something. Papa has to go back to his ship, to go to America. So in a few days we will be leaving London to go to Stanton Hall, and then we will go aboard the ship. We will go back to sea again, won't that be fun?"

Caroline gazed at her sceptically. "Mama can Buttewcup go shiwp?"

"No, my darling, he must stay here in London. Ponies cannot go on ships."

"Can Jame and Geowge and Geowge go shiwp?"

"I'm sorry, Caroline, but they are at Pemberley and must stay with aunt Elizabeth and uncle Fitzwilliam."

"Can Amewia?" was asked with a trembling lip; clearly Caroline was beginning to anticipate the answer to her questions.

"No, my darling, she must stay with her father."

With this final refusal, Caroline's little face screwed up and she emitted her first few sobs, and when these did not result in her mother's acquiescing to one of her requests, she laid down on the floor and burst into a sobbing, shrieking tantrum that was far beyond what she had ever done before. Georgiana's attempts to be stern did not move her, and when she laid a hand on Caroline's back in an effort to comfort her, the child shrieked, "No! No! No, mama!" This did change the tenor of her upset, though, for while she continued to cry, it was a miserable sniffling sort of sob, which left Georgiana in the hopes that the storm was beginning to pass.

Georgiana glanced apologetically at Catherine and said, "I am sorry – I did not mean to disturb your visit with her."

"It's all right – she needed to know. Poor thing, I am sure there will be much for her to enjoy once she is on board the ship, but for now I am sure all she can think about is what she must sacrifice. I would trade her places if I could."

"Your sister still lives in America, does she not? Wilmington, if I recall correctly?"

"They were in Wilmington, but they moved to Baltimore a few months ago."

"Oh – Baltimore is where we are bound!"

"Would you carry some letters and parcels for me, for Lydia? It would be so nice to send her some things and be sure of her receiving them."

There were few things in the world Georgiana wished to do less than call on the Wickham household. She would have done it, if necessary, but seizing on an idea far more preferable to her and – she suspected – to Catherine, she said, "You could give them to her yourself, if you and Andrew wish to travel with us. We are carrying Lord Stretford, but I am sure we could accommodate you."

Catherine squealed, startling little Caroline entirely out of crying. "I would love to go with you, and if Andrew doesn't want to go, I'll convince him. Caroline – Caroline, my dear, isn't it wonderful? Aunt Catherine will go with you, on the ship!"

Caroline looked up. "Aunty Catty go shiwp?"

"Yes, Caroline," replied Catherine. She needed say no more to prompt the little girl to rise from the floor and run over in her toddering steps to pummel Catherine with an embrace.

Andrew was easily convinced. After Georgiana had verified that the Ramseys could indeed be accommodated – yes, Matthew had said, but in cabins off the wardroom, for Lord Stretford would require one of the captain's cabins, and the Stantons and their children the other two – Catherine approached her husband. Everyone had been encouraged to avail themselves of Fitzwilliam's study by that man before he had departed for Pemberley, but it was Andrew who could be found there most often. Fitzwilliam owned a great many books and reports that were invaluable for a man eager to learn more about estate management, and Andrew had worked his way through a stack of them since they had been in residence at Curzon Street.

He looked up and smiled as Catherine entered. "What happened to your dress, Cat?"

She looked down and saw the damp patches on the muslin. "Oh – Caroline had a tantrum, but I said something that cheered her, and she hugged me."

He eyed her carefully. "She's a dear little child, isn't she?"

"Yes," sighed Catherine. "If I could have one of my I own I think I would want a little girl very like her."

"Doesn't it pain you to be around such a child?"

"It does, but I would rather be an aunt than nothing."

He set the book down. "You're not nothing, Cat. You're a wife, and a daughter, and a benefactor to Longbourn's poor."

She gazed at him glumly.

"Do you wish to stay here longer, to spend more time with her? We don't have to go to Longbourn after Lady Tonbridge's ball."

"They will be leaving town just after the ball themselves. Matthew has been given command of the Caroline again, and they are to go to America – and I want to go with them. They're going to Baltimore, Andrew. I'll never have a better chance to see Lydia again – "

"Then we'll go."

Catherine's affections towards her husband were always strong, but oh, how she loved him in that moment! Very much as Caroline had done earlier to her, she threw herself upon him and embraced him tightly. "Oh! Thank you my love, thank you so much!"

"You needn't make such a fuss over it, Cat. This isn't the first time I've been ordered to sea on short notice, although it's certainly the first time it's been done by someone so pretty."

"It wasn't an order, Andrew."

"If you think asking for something with those imploring eyes of yours is not an order, Cat, you don't understand your power over me, and perhaps I shouldn't have told you."

Mischievously, she looked up at him and winked. "I promise to only use my powers for good, my lover."