A/N: To my guest reviewer - ask and ye shall receive. :)
Being Padfoot was a much easier task than being Sirius Black. As Padfoot, Sirius was left with much simpler thoughts that didn't leave his head spinning. He almost preferred living as his much hairier self these days. Simple thoughts, dog emotions, but human reactions – it was the perfect way to live. Being Padfoot meant that he didn't have to remember the crippling cold of the Dementors or the constant reminders of what he'd done. He could just exist, and that was what he needed to do.
Sirius wasn't at all sure that his Moonshine would come to help him like she said. He sat anxiously amongst the tall rocks of the stone circle at the end of the covered bridge. All he could do was hope.
He had taken a considerable risk by revealing himself, but he couldn't wait any longer. Emma seemed to trust him as a dog, perhaps she could trust him as a man. It had been so long since he'd seen her, but he thought about her as much as Harry. Moonshine had always been a very sweet girl, except for when she pulled on his hair as a baby, of course.
Sirius had been so nervous to see her the first time at the cottage he had shared briefly with Remus. He had been worried when he caught Remus's scent, but instead, a girl came through the front door. He had been alarmed to see a child coming towards him, not expecting it at all. Had Remus had a child? But then he gave a sniff, and he understood. It was Moonshine, and Merlin, she looked exactly how he'd always hoped. Green eyes, the same soft and wavey light brown hair that he adored on Remus, and the sweetest little face he'd ever seen. She was perfect.
But her story wasn't as happy as he'd expected, and it had only gotten worse when he finally got to speak to her. It was a convoluted tale, unexpected and not at all what it should have been. His heart broke hearing what it took to actually get to where they were, but then he had gone and screwed things up. He had to mention the Cruciatus Curse.
Sirius had known about it when it happened, remembering the frantic cries of Margaret, but he had never said a word. They weren't sure who the spy was, and he was afraid Remus would have done the same. If only Sirius had known…
Padfoot perked up from his perch in the stone circle when he heard movement ahead. He gave a sniff, hoping to catch a scent on the wind. Was she really helping him? He nearly barked with excitement when he caught the scent of her apple shampoo that made him sneeze. He could hardly believe his luck!
However, something was wrong. Emma's scent was tinged with something else. Fear. Fear and sadness. He stepped cautiously onto the bridge to try and figure out what was going on. Even as Padfoot, he felt those feelings the most, and it made him worried.
He watched, head tilted, as Emma stopped at the entrance of the bridge. Tears were falling down her face, and she hesitated where she stood. After a moment of thought, she unclasped the front of her robe and let it fall to the ground. She then pulled out her wand and placed it on top of the crumpled clothing, and stared at it for a moment. Her hands went to the necklace around her neck, and that was where Emma completely stalled out. Emma's hands slowly moved from the clasp at the back and brushed her fingers over the pendent. A heartbreaking sob suddenly tore through her, her knees buckling slightly, and her hands dropped back to her side. Straightening up, Emma took a deep breath. When Emma stepped onto the bridge, it was Sirius's thoughts that broke through Padfoot's mind.
Sirius dared to transform back into a man – something was terribly wrong. Emma was in such a trance-like state that she barely even registered that he was there. He moved quickly, meeting her in the middle of the bridge where she stopped and turned to face out towards the waning moon.
"Moonshine? What are you doing?"
Emma's head shot up, her all-too-familiar eyes meeting his, and Sirius's stomach dropped. He felt like he was looking at a much younger Remus all over again, broken and destroyed. Emma's face was wet with tears, and there was such anguish behind her eyes, and the nervous energy coming off of her was crushing.
"T-the door's open – just go," she rasped, her voice barely higher than a whisper.
"And where are you going?"
A mirthless laugh left Emma's lips as she gestured out towards the open windows of the bridge and towards the ravine down below. "Away," she said simply.
"Where exactly is 'away?'" Sirius asked.
"Down there," Emma said, walking over to the windows and standing on the tips of her toes to lean out and look down. "Into the river."
Shit shit shit, this wasn't good. Sirius had done this before with Remus, but it had been years. He couldn't let this happen. What had happened that would lead her to want to try and end her life again? The first time he could understand, but this couldn't be a reaction to just the Cruciatus Curse. What could she have learned that would make her feel this way?
"From where you are now, Moonshine?"
"Don't call me Moonshine," Emma snapped, turning her face towards him with a glare. Her tears had stopped for a moment as she studied him. Her gaze turned swiftly back out and to the ravine. "Yes. From where I am now."
Sirius felt sick, reminded far too much of the time Remus wanted to jump from the astronomy tower. Of course, that had been entirely his fault – he had never stopped to think, but he couldn't dwell on the past. Moonshine needed help, and with an anxious flip of his stomach, he realized it was once again his fault. If he had only kept his mouth shut…Remus would never find a reason to try and forgive him if Emma jumped.
"And why do you think that's a good idea?"
Emma turned to look at him as if he was absolutely mental. Perhaps he was. Azkaban did strange things to one's mind, but he was entirely in the present. "Because it's the only thing I can do now," she said quietly. "No one could ever love me for what I am…"
The fact that Emma looked so much like Remus made her words that much more haunting. Sirius sucked in a sharp breath and shook his head. "Why would you say that?" he asked softly. "Moony – Remus – loves you. I love you."
"I don't even know you anymore, Sirius," Emma spat. "How can you say that you love me?"
Sirius sighed, running a hand through his hair, ignoring the pain as it caught on the tangles. There was so much that he wanted to tell her, but he couldn't. He couldn't tell her any of it because no one knew.
"Because I have always loved you," Sirius found himself saying. It was a truth that he could give her, but he wanted to tell her more. "I know it's been a very, very long time, but I have never stopped loving you."
A frustrated huff left Emma's nose, and she placed her hands on the railing and leaned over the side of the bridge. "Be that as it may, no one else could ever love me. I'm a freak, used…who would ever want anything to do with a used and destroyed half-werewolf freak like me?"
"Moonshine, sweetheart, what are you –"
"Call me Moonshine one more time!"
Sirius never expected such a deep rage to come from such a small body. Her face twisted and her eyes flashed in a way that he was sure that she would try to attack him. He had seen that same flicker of anger in Remus's face, it was an almost animalistic response, and it worried him. Half-werewolf? What had they done to her? Sirius understood that she was cursed, she had told him, but he didn't understand. Had Remus bit her? No, she said there was a potion. It was making his head spin as he tried to understand.
The whole entire thing was bizarre and sounded like the exact opposite of what Remus would ever do. However, he could see Remus doing anything to save the small and terrified girl in front of him. Remus had always adored Emma more than anything. After she was born, it was all Remus could talk about for weeks. Remus would do anything for her.
It was the "used and destroyed" comment that left Sirius at a bigger loss. Was she referring to her self-inflicted scars? What did she mean by used? Sirius almost wanted to transform back into Padfoot to avoid the impending headache, but he couldn't.
"Moon – Emma – what do you mean?" Sirius asked, taking a few steps closer to Emma. She tensed up as he took the spot next to her, and he lifted a hand slowly. Emma watched him in confusion but didn't move. When she didn't flinch away, Sirius ran his hand down the back of her head and stroked her hair. A surprised breath escaped her lips, but she leaned into his touch.
"T-they think that…that I might have a wolf or whatever, but they don't know," Emma said, her voice trembling slightly. She closed her eyes, shifting a little closer to Sirius.
Sirius was relieved that she didn't seem to mind him stroking her hair. It was almost like she desperately needed it, and if it kept her anchored to the bridge, he would keep doing it. Her hair was incredibly soft, just like Remus's.
"Who is 'they?'"
"Dad and Elara," Emma answered.
"E-Elara Douglas?" Sirius asked in surprise.
Emma opened her eyes and turned to look at Sirius in surprise. "You know Elara?"
"If it's the same woman, she's a werewolf that Remus met during his time in one of the packs," Sirius explained. "It was one of the few times Remus ever spoke about a mission. She was freshly turned, and he felt terrible. Elara was one of the few werewolves that he tried to convince that she could live a normal life."
"Well, I guess it worked," Emma said, unconsciously leaning against Sirius as he continued to stroke her hair. "She's been my Healer for the past few years."
"A werewolf at St. Mungo's? I never would have seen that being possible…"
"Because it's really…not meant to be possible," Emma whispered. "I'm not too sure how she gets away with it because she won't tell me. Whatever she does works, though. Her goals have been nothing but noble. She's made it her goal to try and help as many werewolves as she can with whatever they need. If the system won't actively help, then why couldn't she?"
"She sounds impressive," Sirius answered quietly. He couldn't help but wonder if that meant Remus and Elara were together. It wasn't as though Sirius ever expected Remus to wait and pine for him, but it still hurt. They had so many plans. "But what about the rest of what you said? What do you mean?"
Emma immediately closed off, and she straightened up, taking a few steps away from him. "You were right about the Cruciatus," Emma said quietly. "Jude h-he cast it on me. I don't know why, but he did. But that's -" Her face twisted as she started to cry again. "T-that's not the worst part."
Sirius frowned, unsure of what he should do. He wanted to pull Emma into his arms and hold her to try and ease the pain, but he didn't want to push. It wasn't his place to be that person, not anymore.
"What is it, Emma?"
Emma's cry was strangled as she tried to hold it back. She wiped at her eyes angrily. It was clear that she was frustrated and hurt. Her hands gripped hard to the railing of the bridge, and she shook her head.
"I was raped, Sirius," she choked out. "By Fenrir fucking Greyback when I was two. No one could ever love me because of that…"
Sirius was positive that he stopped breathing, and he had to force himself to remember to take air into his lungs. That was the last thing he ever expected to hear come from her mouth, and he was fueled with a wave of new anger. How had he not known? Why had Margaret never told him? Unless it happened near the end of October, where everyone had been too busy, he should have known. Margaret never would have kept that from him.
It was unthinkable, impossible, but it was hard for Sirius to forget what things were like during the war. The entire landscape was a wasteland of depraved acts and violent crimes. If Emma was subjected to Greyback at such a young age…The werewolf was ruthless, and there were no boundaries to his vile actions. No one was safe from the monster, but Sirius couldn't understand how that would happen. He desperately wished he could talk to Remus to find out.
"Emma…" Sirius whispered, feeling incredibly helpless. Emma retreated into herself in the exact same way Remus used to, but it wasn't entirely the same. Remus easily compartmentalized his trauma, had grown used to sectioning off portions of himself to survive; but Emma didn't do that. Emma wore her heart out on her sleeve, hoping and begging for others to not hurt her. But now she was broken and lost and confused.
"I can't do this, Sirius. I can't live like this," Emma managed to say through her tears. She looked at Sirius for a moment and looked back out at the ravine. Her mind made up, she gripped hard to the wooden frame and planted a foot firmly on the ledge. "I can't do this. I have to end this…Fenrir won't stop. He's already…"
"He's already what?"
"He's tried to come after me," Emma hiccoughed. "He's never going to stop. I can't – I won't let him get me. Not again."
Emma pulled herself a little higher, fully prepared to pitch herself over the side, but Sirius grabbed onto the back of her shirt.
"Emma, please think about this," Sirius pleaded. "Remus loves you so much. I know that you're scared, but I'm scared for you, too. He wouldn't ever let Fenrir get to you."
"But what if he can't stop him, Sirius? I know what he's like…"
"Remus would never let it happen. You need to trust him – he loves you," Sirius said quickly. "If you jump, there's no coming back."
"How do you know that he would never let it happen? Sirius, he lied to me. If he loved me, he wouldn't have lied."
"And you know how incredibly stupid Remus can be. He gets scared, and he worries too much, and he doesn't think about his actions all the time. Believe me, I've felt the same way as you so many times." Sirius sighed as Emma relaxed her grip and moved a little further into the bridge as she looked at him. She looked as though she didn't entirely believe him, but she seemed curious to hear more.
"Remus can be incredibly stupid. Don't get me wrong, he's brilliant, but he…growing up wasn't easy for him. It wasn't easy for him, and it wasn't easy for me, but we had each other, and we got through it. You have to trust him and take care of each other. I know it doesn't seem like it, but I can promise you that he needs you just as much as you need him. He can be absolutely terrible at showing people that he loves them, but I've seen how much he loves you. I can tell you that without a doubt that he loves you more than anything. I promise you."
Sirius fell silent and turned his head in the direction of the door as they slammed open. He took a sniff of the air and frowned. "That's Remus," Sirius said quickly. "I can't stay...he wouldn't understand, not yet." He let go of Emma's shirt, reluctantly. "Don't do this, sweetheart. I know that you don't believe it right now, but he loves you. I love you. Trust him, trust yourself – you are strong. Don't do this."
Emma stared at him out of the corner of her eye, and as he transformed back into Padfoot, she turned to stone. He had kept her from going over the edge, he just had to hope Remus could stop her completely.
He didn't want to watch, but he felt compelled to in the shadows of the stone circle. Sirius was positive that if he wasn't Padfoot, he would have lost it completely. Remus could be terrible at situations like this, though he tried. He worried that if Remus said the wrong thing, it would set Emma off again. The only benefit that Remus had on his side was Emma wasn't as confident in the idea as before. But could he keep her grounded where she was?
It was incredibly painful to watch. The scent of fear was so strong from both of them, intermingling in their similar scents but dividing in their pain. It made Padfoot bristle nervously, wanting to run far away from the heavy emotions, but he had a job to do. All had could do was wait and watch and hope. Their exchange was heartbreaking, though, and it took everything in his power to keep from making a noise.
He nearly made a noise the moment Remus tried to explain to Emma how much he understood the thoughts in her mind. Sirius didn't know that Greyback had done the same thing to Remus. He had just thought Remus's sudden and overwhelming withdrawal had only been from guilt. They all thought he was the spy, but that wasn't it at all; Remus was trying to cope with what happened to him. Sirius had never felt guiltier in his life, remembering the angry conversations they had. Those arguments were what led Remus to buying the cottage in the first place and leaving. If only he could take it all back…
There was an overwhelming sense of relief the moment Remus finally broke through her wall and continued to try and get Emma to see reason. All it took was one word – baby.
Merlin, Sirius could remember all of the times any of them would pick her up and call her anything besides her given name. Baby, baby girl, babyface, baby chick – if it was a word that could go with baby, she was called it. Of course, there were other names said with an incredible amount of love – Moonshine, Chocolate Frog, Princess, Pumpkin, and Remus's personal go-to, Sunshine. Still, nothing made Emma happier than just "baby."
Sirius personally loved when Remus would speak to her in Welsh, enamored by the simplicity of called her Cyw or even Blodwyn Tatws. It didn't matter what Remus ever said to her because he loved the way the words sounded rolling off his tongue. Emma did as well, giving him delighted smiles and giggles as Remus would tickle her sides. It didn't take long for Sirius to realize Remus did so much because Emma loved it. They loved each other. Life should have been so much different.
There had always been an unspoken desire for the two of them to have children, and in Remus's mind, Emma was the closest he would ever get. If only Sirius could have told Remus the truth. If only he could realize what was now right in front of him…
To Sirius's relief, Emma dropped to the ground, no longer able to support herself, but Remus was there to catch her. Remus had always been there to catch her, perhaps far more than Sirius ever had when she was smaller. Remus and Emma always had such a strong connection, and Sirius was glad that it didn't break, they just need to figure out how to strengthen it. Sirius hoped with everything he had that this was the turning point for them.
Sirius watched as Remus carefully gathered Emma into his arms, and he watched longingly, wishing that it was the both of them. In a way, he supposed it had been both of them working together. It was just done separately.
Emma turned to look over Remus's shoulder, having caught him watching earlier. She silently pleaded with him with her eyes, begging for forgiveness. While Sirius would grant it to her, now wasn't the time. He had too much work to do, and it all started with a rat.
DotM*DotM*DotM
Emma's entire body ached, but not in a good way. Her head was pounding, her muscles were sore, and she felt she had never felt more tired in her life. She had felt tired before, but this was a full-body tired that started at the tips of her toes and ended at her pounding head.
The only real consolation to her physical ailments was the fact she felt incredibly warm. The castle was slowly starting to grow cold as the autumn air prepared itself for winter, and she was bundled comfortably in her blankets. It helped that there was a steady warming charm in her room, but the blankets helped.
Emma cracked an eye open and let out a relieved sigh that it was still dark. Her blue flames were still flickering, and in the soft glow, she noticed the thin black band that was attached to her left wrist. Every single memory of the day prior came back at her, and she felt her stomach sink. She fucked up. Again.
The memories of the night prior cycled through her mind over and over again; the nauseating realization of what happened to her as a child, Sirius's words in Hogsmeade and on the bridge, the devasted look on Remus's face. Her stomach clenched painfully with remorse. Emma had never meant to have Remus live through her selfishness again. She certainly didn't mean for him to find her. Emma swallowed back the bile that rose up her throat at the realization of how he must have felt. She was the absolute worst daughter in the world.
The worst part of it all was how incredibly gentle Remus was with her, especially when they made it back into the castle. He took such an incredible amount of care with her that she didn't deserve. Emma had tried to take advantage of the things she knew would hurt him the most, but he still took care of her. The man was a bloody saint for dealing with her. She hadn't been at all kind to him the entirety of October.
A soft gasp escaped her lips at the further realization of what she'd done. She knew Remus hated Halloween, and she nearly gave him a reason to hate it further. Halloween had changed both of their lives, and she almost made it even worse. Emma suddenly felt as though she was the worst person in the world. What was wrong with her?
Emma could vaguely remember the way he cleaned her face off with a warm cloth. He didn't once complain when she would immediately start crying half-way through, and he would have to start the process all over again. The way he helped her get changed out of her clothes into her pajamas was done with such an incredible delicacy. It had been a process all by itself, but he was so careful to help her maintain her modesty. She would have just fallen asleep in what she was wearing, but her pajamas were truly appreciated.
He stayed with her once he managed to get her into bed. He tucked her in with all the tenderness in the world, toed off his shoes, and laid on top of the blanket on his side next to her. He ran his hand through her hair, staying close but leaving a space between them so that he didn't break the already fragile bubble she had. When her crying started with her broken apologies, he only summoned the warm cloth again and proceeded to clear her face. In her eyes, it was such an impossible task after everything she'd done, but he never once complained.
But of course, he couldn't stay. Dumbledore requested his assistance – Sirius had made it into the castle. He didn't want to leave, trying to think of an excuse to stay, but he had a duty to try and find Sirius. With a hastily given Sleeping Draught, Remus made sure that she was tucked in and left, locking her door on the way out. She didn't particularly enjoy the idea of being trapped in her room, but she wasn't given much time to dwell. The potion worked fast.
The entire reminder of the previous night made Emma sick to her stomach. Did Sirius manage to get Peter? She wasn't sure how she could even manage a conversation with Remus to find out. Emma wasn't even entirely convinced that she could look at him again, not with how sorry she felt. She truly was the best at making bad decisions.
With the threat of breaking down again, Emma forced herself to sit up. She wasn't even sure what time it was, but when she turned to look at her clock on her nightstand, she found it wasn't there.
It was evident that Remus had come back into her room at some point. Otherwise, the bracelet wouldn't be back on her wrist. Did he really need to take her clock, though? With a sigh, Emma got out of bed and made her way to the curtains to pull them open. Nothing made sense – it was far too bright. Had Remus made the curtains darker? Normally the light would filter through at this time of day.
Curious, Emma took a look around her room to try and figure out what else was amiss. Her wand was a given – Remus wouldn't trust her with it. She heaved a heavy sigh at her missing potion's kit, and then realized even her bag was missing. It didn't appear as though too much else was missing, which was a relief, but she wasn't looking too hard.
Not wanting to think about it, and wanting to wash the previous night away, Emma decided to take a shower. Perhaps she would feel better when she was clean. Apparently, it made things worse – Emma couldn't stop thinking.
She had every possible plan of jumping despite hating the idea. It wasn't her first choice, but potions were out when all she had was her kit and no cauldron. She planned to be up and over the railing before anyone even noticed her missing, but Sirius ruined that. If it weren't for Sirius, she probably would have jumped, but she had been fascinated. No one ever had a bad word to say about Remus except for Snape. Sirius knew a different side of Remus, a more human and imperfect side.
But then Remus came out and made things worse. She didn't want to have to listen to what he had to say when she already had her mind made up about him. Remus didn't love her, he didn't care, but the more he spoke, the more she understood that he did. He was genuinely terrible at showing that he loved her, but he'd always been miserable at it because he was afraid. There had been silent boundaries that he put up and refused to cross, but he was trying. He planted seeds of doubt in her mind that she didn't know could be sowed. Did she want to end things?
There was a big part of her that did. She didn't want to deal with the reality of her past, but did she want the reality of her future? Emma wasn't entirely sure, but then Remus gave her such incredibly precious secrets that left her dizzy. Greyback had done far more to Remus than she'd ever expected. He understood her pain.
It seemed unreal to Emma that there was such an immense depth to Remus's understanding. She never considered the possibility, had been so sure that those things couldn't happen to men as well, especially to Remus. He was strong, and he was fierce, and he was everything she looked up to. If he could get through it, perhaps she could, too, but that wasn't what broke her.
Remus downright terrified her by telling her that he had always seen her as his. The very idea, as much as she had always longed for it, was terrifying. It was all she ever wanted to hear him say, to have someone tell her that she was theirs, but dreams were often better than reality. Wishful dreaming didn't fill you with dread, reality and the truth did. By Remus telling her his reality, admitting that he felt that she was his, it meant she had to be better than she was.
The person she wanted to be was afraid of constantly disappointing Remus all the time. He didn't deserve to have to try and figure her out all the time. He shouldn't have to deal with her continually lost mind.
The idea of being Emma Hope Lupin for the first time since she was born had suddenly become an impossible task. Could she ever be the person that she had once been named?
While Emma wasn't sure that she could, Remus seemed determined to try. He had told her the entire time he laid with her. Remus wasn't giving up on her, even though she had given up on herself. Remus planned to help her in any way he could, and God, Emma had never been more unsure of anything in her life. She wanted his help, never wanting to put him through the horror of what she'd done, but could Remus really help her?
"Try," he told her in a broken voice. "That's all I ask."
Emma decided she could try, but where did that leave them now?
Shutting off the shower, Emma got dressed and tried to leave her room. The door was locked, and she pulled at the knob with a whimper; she couldn't be trapped. She gasped in surprise when the lock clicked, but suddenly she didn't want to leave. Instead, she crawled back into bed, staring at the door. When nothing untoward occurred, she curled back up under her blanket, turning on her side and facing the wall. Sleeping seemed like a much better idea.
Her eyes had just closed when her door opened. She wasn't sure if she should try to pretend to be asleep, but instead of opening her eyes, she kept them closed. Maybe Remus would believe she was sleeping and would leave; she wasn't sure that she could handle looking at him. She had never been more ashamed of herself.
Apparently, that was all wishful thinking as she felt the mattress dip. She felt a gentle hand rub her arm, and she was sure that she would break again. How could he be so kind to her?
"I would ask if you were awake, but I think we both know how pointless such a question is," Remus said softly. "How are you feeling, baby?"
There it was again – that single stupid word that gave her such an overwhelming feeling of hope. She felt her face twist almost threateningly with a suppressed sob, and she buried her face in her pillows. She was tired of crying.
She couldn't understand how just hearing one word could throw her entire world upside down. It was such a spiraling feeling of confusion. Emma loved it, and she hated it all at the same time. Someone loved her enough to consider her their baby, and she didn't know how to handle it. Remus didn't care how old she was, didn't care that so much time had passed and that she was a complete mess. She was his baby girl, and nothing she ever did was going to change that in his mind.
It made Emma feel guilty. Hopeful, but guilty. She couldn't understand how Remus could still feel that way after everything she'd done.
"I don't know," Emma answered, rolling over so that she was facing Remus. She couldn't convince herself to look at him fully, but she took in his teaching robes with curiosity. "What time is it?"
"I actually just let my last class out. The school day is over."
"It's four-thirty already?" Emma asked, daring to meet his eyes for a moment in alarm.
"Just about four, actually. I have a double on Monday afternoons, remember?"
Emma didn't remember, actually. Even if she did, she would have been far too busy dwelling on the fact that she had missed an entire school day, and Remus let her. "Why didn't you wake me up?"
"You needed to sleep," Remus replied. "You wouldn't have slept so long if you didn't need it."
"I'm still tired," Emma murmured, closing her eyes as Remus pushed her hair back behind her ear. He was still incredibly gentle with her.
Remus chuckled softly, running his fingers through her hair, careful not to touch the fresh piercings in her ear. "It was a rough day for you."
"It was for you, too," Emma said, opening her eyes to meet Remus's gaze. Her guilt only intensified as he gave her such an incredibly loving look. He looked worried, but his eyes were so full of love, and she felt herself breaking all over again. "I'm sorry…"
Remus sighed and shook his head. "Just so you know, I'm not upset with you," he said softly. "I'm incredibly worried, but I'm not upset."
"I don't know how you're not," Emma croaked, turning her face into her pillow, not wanting to break down into tears again. She felt a sob trying to work itself through her body, but she forced herself to take deep breaths.
"Because I know what's going through that brain of yours. I've been there, I understand how you're feeling right now. Do you understand that now?"
"I wish that I didn't…"
"That makes two of us," Remus said, standing up for a moment to shrug off his robe. "I truly wish that I could go back in time and change everything for you. If it was possible, I would do it in a heartbeat."
"But what about you?"
Remus sighed as he unbuttoned his shirt sleeves to roll them up. "I did what I had to do to survive. I've had a lot of time to come to terms with what happened. You, on the other hand, became the victim of a war that you never should have been a part of."
"But –" Remus pressed a finger to Emma's lips to silence her. She looked up at him in confusion, fully prepared to protest, but she thought better of it.
"I don't want to hear it, Little One. You don't need to worry about me – ever," Remus said with a huffed-out laugh. "It's my job to worry about you, not the other way around."
"Things are going to change, aren't they?" she asked quietly.
"Yes," he said softly. "It's going to be hard, but I'm not going anywhere. I'll be here every step of the way."
Emma sighed, sitting up and rubbing her eyes. Remus held Emma's gaze for a few moments, and she nodded. He held his arms open for her, and Emma leaned into his embrace, holding onto him tightly. The idea of everything terrified her, but perhaps she could believe Remus for once and trust him like Sirius said.
Perhaps she could try.