CHAPTER 20 - Revelations

"Oh KT! This is so great! I wish Ryuzaki brought you sooner! The investigation could have been much more pleasant!" Misa told her enthusiastically while they were sitting in a luxury coffee in the shopping centre. She dropped the honorifics after five minutes of dialogue and KT did the same.

"Well thank you Misa. I must say I am also enjoying my stay here. Spending time with my brother and nephews, making new friends and getting to know at least a bit of country of my origin… it's great." KT said and looked very relaxed. She was back at her oficial self, speaking with confidence and having a little arrogant smirk on her lips. She was slowly letting out personal information on purpose. She needed Misa to trust her.

"So you are originally from here? I thought so, you have some asian features and your Japanese is so good." Misa said and took a sip of her coffee. She started her little interrogation, trying to get as much information as she could for Light, but at the same time, she wanted to have a friend.

"Thank you, yes, our family comes from Osaka, though we have been living in England from the age of 6 so… I don't really know much of Japan." KT said with sad eyes.

"I see… well you will love it here! It's a great place, especially when Kira cleared the country of all the sinners. It's a great place to live." Misa waved her hands in the air in a grand gesture and looked as if she was in a dreamland.

KT frowned into her coffee: "I can't say that I agree with Kira's ideology Misa. What he is doing is wrong."

Misa pursed her lips and gave her a sharp look: "KT, you are an investigator, right?"

"Yes?" She let her back fall into the comfy chair and watched Misa with anticipation.

"What was the last case you were working on before you came here?"

KT frowned, she was not very happy to talk about it: "I was working on a very tangled case… I was hunting down a group of people who are running a children's organ black market…"

The sharp look on Misa's face fastly faded into terror-stricken as she covered her mouth with her hands: "Oh my… poor children. Did you solve it?"

KT shook her head: "Almost… I was only a few steps from getting important evidence when my brother called me here. So I had to step down from the case."

Misa folded her hands on her chest: "I see… well but you know who those people in the group are?"

"Yes, I know… I don't have enough evidence yet."

Misa leaned closer, her elbows rested on the table, hands supporting her chin: "But if you had a chance to end the case now, would you do it?"

KT frowned at her, now it was her time to fold hands on her chest: "I know where you are heading Misa… and the answer is no. I wouldn't want Kira to kill the suspicious."

"Even if it means more children die, before you solve the case?"

This was a hard one even for KT. She and L had countless discussions about investigation methods, mostly because L was too harsh for her taste and KT was too slow for his taste. But she was simply too soft and needed to be 100 percent sure, before she went against someone: "And if I had a wrong person? And that person died by the hand of Kira? And that person had a family relling on them?"

Misa shrugged: "It would be for greater good."

KT shook her head and squeezed her cup in her hands: "I don't agree with this. And if I am right your Light wouldn't agree too."

Misa waved her hand in the air: "Oh yes Light… he is great, honorable and pure but also a bit naive."

Wow this is new… KT thought and gave Misa a questioning look. She didn't miss a small bug Misa had on her clothing, hidden under a big flower brooch. That thing was pretty, but not too much her style. KT was sure it was bought by Light. He had better taste than she had. So if Light was listening to their conversation, this was all an act:

She is trying to gain my trust by criticizing her boyfriend… all right… two can play the game.

"Really? This is the first time I hear you speak about him critically…" KT said.

Misa waved her hand again, like it was no big deal: "Well this is just between us girls right? Nobody's perfect…"

KT nodded and then tilted her head in the same manner her brother does: "Aren't you a little worried Light might leave you because you are a Kira supporter?"

Misa shook her head: "No… as you know I would do anything for him and I am very capable of keeping my opinions to myself when I know they are not desirable."

Oh this finally sounded like you. Hopelessly devoted… but for what reason Misa?

"I see… but if Light is so naive and you have to keep your opinions for yourself around him, why do you love him so much then?"

Misa smiled and her eyes looked dreamy again: "Because he is a great combination of intelligence, purity and honor. Not to mention his good looks. Any woman would want such a man by her side."

"Yes, he looks good. Can't argue with that." KT smirked. She was a bit amused by their conversation. This woman was switching between a loyal, dreamy, naive partner and intelligent and self-conscious woman. She was truly a good partner for Kira. Devoted but also had a mind on her own. KT was feeling sorry for her. If Kira wasn't in her life, she could have a future with someone who would appreciate her devotion and worked on her personal growth. But like this? Misa was blinded by her love which was… unmistakably dedicated to Kira and Kira alone.

There was a silent moment before Misa started speaking again: "Now that you know about my relationship….Will you tell me about him?"

KT was for once genuinely confused: "Who?"

"The man who broke your heart… your fiancé?"

KT's eyes widen. She really didn't want to talk about him.

Oh come on KT, you need her to trust you… she composed herself within a second and smiled again: "What would you like to know?"

Misa leaned forward and she was practically shaking with anticipation: "Everything… Who was he, how did you two met and why did he kill himself?"

KT clenched her fist under the table. That was not very tactful, even rude for her taste but she needed to play on:

"Well… I can't answer the last question. Because I don't know. We were all very shocked by his death. We have some theories which I can't really share but… I guess he wasn't happy with his life and... with me." The last two words came out more hurt than she wanted.

Misa frowned: "You think it's your fault? Surely not…"

KT shrugged and her eyes were fixed on her coffee. She didn't need to play this. The pain was still alive: "I don't know… we had our issues. And the relationship didn't work very well for the past year before his death so… yeah, guess I could have been one of the reasons."

Misa quickly covered KT's hand by her own and gave her a soft smile: "Hey… suicide is always a decesion of one person. A selfish one, but no one else can do anything about it. Giving yourself the guilt is pointless."

KT smiled at her. She started feeling even more sorry for Misa in that moment. Because if the situation was different, she might really befriend the girl.

"I know… thank you."

There was a moment of silence, when Misa withdrawn her hand back and they both drank from their coffee. Then KT started speaking again: "And about who he was… well… we knew each other from childhood. I was a good friend with his best friend so we always met each other in classes and so on. I never really paid much attention to him because I was an outside person and he was an IT boy. Always on his computer, hacking something, acting introvertly. But we met again when I was 18 and we worked together on a case. He was much more communicative and I liked his dry sense for humor. He was openly hitting on me and we got together against my better judgement. I knew he was not the right man for me and I fell for him like crazy anyway. Probably because I felt he would never really love me and I wanted to prove to myself I can make him."

Wait... what? KT asked herself as she realized that this was probably the most truthful picture of the situation she ever let out. The most truthful picture she ever admitted to herself.

Misa was practically eating her story and she was biting her lips, waiting, what's gonna come next: "Anyway the relationship worked well at the beginning. When he still felt he had to prove himself. After the first year, when he realized I trust him, he started being his real self again. He only took care of himself and we clicked only as long as I did not demand anything from him. Which was not hard because I was out for cases most of the time. But when I arrived home, full of anticipation, I was always disappointed. There was never a warm welcome. Later on, hardly even a kiss. He distanced himself from me completely. When I realized something is terribly wrong I decided to stay home for sometime and he eventually had to start trying to keep the relationship alive. Because I told him he has a last chance, or we will break up. So he woke up and we were alright for a while. But I never started trusting him again. After a few months he asked me to marry him. I don't even know why I said yes. After that, I left for the case and he started being cold again. Then… I came back home sooner than I should… because I realized it would never work. I wanted to break up with him but… as I came home, I found him with rope around his neck."

Misa gasped: "Oh my god… KT! That's terrible!"

KT shrugged: "Yeah… it was not a very good moment."

Suddenly Misa bowed to her with tears in her eyes: "I am so sorry KT. It must be hard for you to talk about it. I am sorry I demanded it."

KT was staring at her with wide eyes: "No.. it's OK. It was nice to tell someone…I guess."

Misa suddenly took her hand again and gave her reassuring smile: "Look.. I know you had a hard time with that man, but you said it yourself, there were some issues long before it happened. You two were not happy together but that doesn't mean you are the reason he took his own life. I am sure he had a different reason. You can't blame yourself for that. It's not your fault."

KT was still staring at Misa with disbelief. This act was so genuine that KT realized it was not an act at all. Misa was good, somewhere deep in her heart and the more opened you were towards her, the more true she was towards you.

Oh I am so sorry Misa… I hope we will be able to save you… KT thought and felt ashamed that she had to play games with this woman. She looked into her almost empty cup, unable to keep the eye contact anymore.

"But hey…" Misa started again and KT looked up to meet her eyes: "...the fact that you are able to talk about it, means you are ready to move on. That's a good sign, right?" Misa was giving her a soft smile and KT returned it.

"Yeah… probably…" There was a moment of silence and KT composed herself again: "Hey… you know what… let's leave these dark memories behind and let's go shopping. You promised you will show me shops where I can buy Christmas presents for children."

Misa grinned at that: "Oh yes yes… that's true but… Unfortunately I have to go, because I have a photo shoot tonight."

KT frowned: "The photo shoot? It's almost 6 PM. You are working at night?"

Misa stood up abruptly and started grinning again while she was looking somewhere out of the coffee: "Well it's crazy isn't it? But you know work is work..."

Why is she lying to me? KT thought and realized, Misa is probably searching for someone.

Then Misa waved at someone and leaned closer to KT: "But don't worry, I arranged you a great shopping companion for tonight… he will help you with everything…"

Misa was grinning from ear to ear and KT didn't like it a bit. She subconsciously knew who she meant but she didn't want it to be true.

Then KT finally looked back and saw Touta Matsuda standing at the entrance to the cafe, waving at them.

Oh shit no… she thought and looked back at Misa who was still leaning into her personal space and whispered: "Hey, give him a chance! He is such a sweetheart and he is a fool for you! You deserve to be happy!"

With that, Misa left and KT had to face her crush… alone.

Light was listening to their conversation for the third time. He was lying on his back in his bed, with headphones and tried to make most of what he heard. He realized, mostly from Misa's behaviour, they were both switching between their official and unofficial personas. He was used to it with Misa, but this is the first time he heard KT talking without a cheerful facade all the time, which meant, at some point she was telling the truth.

Or… is an extremely skilled actor.

Damn woman… It dont understand her.

Light growled and thought about the part with KT's fiancé: It fit all the other stories Light heard from them so far and it also showed one important thing: KT's fiancé was best friend of Beyond Birthday. She didn't say it out loud but Light put two and two together.

The night she arrived she said Beyond Birthday went nuts after his best friend died… that means he probably knows the reason her fiancé killed himself. Which also means… KT has another, more personal reason to go after him and not to kill him straight away.

Light shifted on his bed and frowned. The stupid theory of Touta Matsuda stucked in his head. If there was a slightest possibility that Birthday wanted L back, he needed him dead as soon as possible. Light knew his relationship with L was fragile and an intervention in the shape of an ex-lover might be a big complication. Especially, when it was clear L was not completely over it.

Light felt his stomach making a salto. He hated Beyond Birthday.

He hated him because he had L first.

He hated him because he hurt L.

He hated him because he didn't die the first time.

He hated him because he didn't know his damn name!

Light stood up abruptly from the bed and headed back to the HQs. He needed to get to Beyond Birthday sooner than KT. And that meant he needed to get to work. Even if it meant working all night.

KT and Matsuda came back from the store after 9 PM. They spent the whole evening picking up toys, books and even clothes as Christmas presents. They had a marvelous time. KT was pretty nervous at the beginning but as they were talking about kids and debating about what they could like and what she should buy or not, she quickly forgot about her hesitation and became her cheerful self again. She felt so good around Touta Matsuda. He made her laugh so easily.

"Thank you so much Matsuda-san! The toy store you showed me was so amazing! I am sure kids in the orphanage are going to love all things we picked up for them!" At that moment, she was smiling from ear to ear while opening the door to her apartment.

"No problem KT-san! I am happy I could help you!" Matsuda cheerfully answered.

The door opened and they stepped in. Matsuda stopped in his tracks to admire the view. From this floor of the tower was a beautiful sight of Tokyo. The lights of the city were already on, giving a breathtaking view.

"Oh put those here please…" KT told him, and showed him to the table. Matsuda did as was told and brought the bags to KT. Most of the gifts were packed and sent to England by private jet but KT also bought a few things for her brother and nephews, which Matsuda happily carried from the store.

"I have to buy some decoration paper to wrap them up…. Oh and I have to arrange a Christmas tree!" KT was shining with enthusiasm. She got into the Christmas mood and even started thinking about baking some sweets.

Matsuda was drunk by her smile. He was watching her unpacking things from bags and smirked for himself. He could get used to this. The two of them, just doing some grocery shopping, coming back home, unpacking things and making dinner. Then having some private time...

You are a bit ahead of yourself Touta… his mind told him.

But he couldn't help it. From the moment Mogi and Aizawa told him that she actually likes him, his mind drifted into ideal life fantasies. And her good mood at the store was giving him even higher hopes.

"It looks like you are planning a traditional Christmas." he told her, trying to keep the conversation going.

She smiled at him: "Oh hope so! Christmas is an important family time!" then her face darkened a little: "Although it will be probably a little sad without all the kids around."

"You have your brother and your nephews here."

She smiled again: "Oh yes I know. But I got so used to spending holidays with all the kids at the orphanage! It's so magical with them around. You know, with all the smiles and surprised faces. I can't get enough of it."

"I would love to see it one day…" he said softly and their eyes locked.

KT stared at him with wide eyes, her mouth slightly opened. He was making cues like that all evening. She managed not to let it show but it always made her heart skip a beat. He was seriously messing with her head. She knew they were heading again into that conversation. Although she was feeling marvelous around him, she was kinda ready to tell him they should be just friends but before she could, he blurted:

"Look KT-san I know this will be a little unusual request but I would like to court you."

KT's eyes went even wider and her mind went completely blank: "I am sorry…. Wha-what did you just say?!"

Matsuda's face went red like a tomato and he started scratching the back of his head: "You know… I… you…" again he started feeling insecure. But it was too late to back out: "You know...I would like to take you out for a date sometime… soon."

KT was still at loss of worlds.

Did he really ask me to court me?!

Who is he? Mr. Darcy?

But Mr. Dar...suda was still speaking: "Look I know it's probably not a good idea, you are my colleague and my boss's sister but I can't stop thinking about you and I would really like to know if the two of us have some chance you know… for a future… together... You know I would really love to be with you, even if I have the smallest chance…"

He was still talking. Literally giving his heart on the golden plate. KT was just staring at him, listening, her mind quickly analyzing the words and his body language. He was a nervous wreck, his eyes traveling between her and the floor, not keeping the eyes contact for long.

KT's mind stuck on two words:

… A future?

… Together?

The only two things she ever really wanted. Knowing that she has a future and she can share it with someone. She had enough of solitude and the feeling that if she dies, she will die completely. Because of who she is and who her brother is, if she dies, her death will be total. Her things will be destroyed and she will only live as long as those who knew her. But if she had someone to share her life with, a person for her own, it would be much harder to erase her. And life would be so much easier to carry...

… A future?

… Together?

Those two words were echoing in her head. It was something A never ever offered to her. Yes, they got engaged… but because she held a knife on his neck and he wanted to have a secure position in the family. They would have a future together. But not the one she would want. Because A was not there to remember her. Not the one to listen. Not the one to be there for her. KT was just standing there, watching this adorable idiot mumbling and felt tears building behind her eyes. He probably had no idea that by offering himself to her like this, he made her feel like the most important person in the world. Like she had a chance to make a decision that might change her life for the better.

Would it be too much to want something just for myself? She asked herself and bit her lower lip. He was not the brightest. Not the most beautiful. Not the greatest match. But he was sincere. And he had such genuine eyes...

Fuck it!

With that thought she made two quick steps forward, grabbed his tie and pulled him into a kiss.

L vomited.

Again.

It was 6:30 in the morning and his stomach was making jokes at him. He was embracing the toilet bowl and tried to breathe slowly in the moments between the urges to disgorge all his stomach contents. After a few minutes, he had literally nothing to throw up but his stomach was still making efforts to push something out. He felt totally exhausted. And it was getting worse in the past few days. He felt more and more tired, although he ate more and even tried to add some healthy foods to his daily menu.

L rested his head against the toilet bowl. It was pleasantly cold against his hot forehead. He closed his eyes and tried to breath as calmly as he could.

Jesus if I didn't know any better I would say that I am preg… L didn't even let himself finish the thought and then quickly lifted his head up, his eyes wide open.

"No, no, no, no, no… that's impossible! That can't be true!" he said out loud and quickly stood up. Too quickly. His head started spinning and he had to lean against the basin, not to lose his balance. His breathing quickened as his mind was running over all the symptoms he had in the last few weeks. He looked at his reflection in the mirror. He looked unhealthy, green almost and yet there was something different in his face. He couldn't place it. Maybe he gained a little weight?

I can't be pregnant… that's impossible. I made sure we always had protection! There was not a single sex without a con… Then it hit him.

Oh Jesus Christ…

The rape. It was the only one sex they ever had without protection.

It was November 18th, that makes it exactly three weeks… L counted and closed his eyes.

Shit…

L slowly turned away from the mirror and headed to his room, tears falling from his eyes. He lowered himself to his bed and curled into a fetal position. He hugged himself with one of his arms and the other went protectively around his flat belly. At that moment, he was already sobbing. He felt the world collapsing around him. His mind went blank and the only thought that left was:

I am pregnant… with Kira's child.