Narcissa propped her head in one hand as she stirred her porridge. She'd been so restless and excited she'd barely slept.

"I saw you talking with Lucius last night," said her mother, a smile curling her mouth. "And then the two of you disappeared for awhile. Getting reacquainted were you?"

Narcissa set down her spoon and stared at her. She couldn't believe that her mother was sitting there at the breakfast table hinting that she'd shagged Lucius as though they'd just been doing a waltz or something. Granted, it was the sort of thing Marlene might do, but she was funny at least.

"That'll do, Druella," said her father, a faint flush creeping up his face. "Did you have a good Christmas, Cissy?"

"Yes, it was nice," said Narcissa vaguely. She glanced at the window, where the bare branches of the hawthorn tree scraped against the glass.

"Did Aster tell you her news?" said her father, and Narcissa turned back to face him. He was looking at her rather sympathetically.

"Yes," said Narcissa. "She left the day before yesterday."

"Such a selfish girl," said her mother. "Her mother could hardly stand to show her face at the party the other night."

Narcissa supposed this might've had something to do with the constant barrage of subtle insults from her and Walburga, but she didn't say anything.

"Oh, I don't know," said her father. "Ilvermony is a prestigious school. It's certainly an achievement, acquiring a teaching post there at her age."

Her mother blew her father's words away with a disapproving sniff. "Not as prestigious as Hogwarts. It was founded by a Mudblood for Circe's sake. And anyway it's nowhere near as prestigious as becoming a Travers."

Narcissa choked on her porridge.

Her father got out of his chair and thumped her on the back. "Are you alright, Cissy?"

"I'm fine," said Narcissa when she could breathe again. Her mother looked ready to say something, and Narcissa stood up, unable to stand a second more of her blather. "If you'll excuse me."

"Don't hole yourself up in your room all day, Cissy, Bella and Rodolphus are coming over for lunch," her mother called after her.

"I won't," said Narcissa, privately thinking that she would, and as she climbed the stairs she wondered if there was some way she could get herself out of dinner. Drink poison, maybe. Just enough to make herself sick.

She picked up a book Aster had given her before she left, one of the mysteries she loved so much, but she couldn't really focus on it and stared out the window a long time, thinking of Marlene, the way her eyes laughed, the way the bridge of her nose crinkled when she thought something was funny, the way her forehead creased when she was upset. The way she cried out with total abandon, holding nothing back, letting Narcissa see and hear every part of herself. She would've given everything she had just to smell her skin one more time.

She opened the top drawer and took out the photograph Alice had taken of them when they'd been friends together at Hogwarts. Marlene's eyes sparkled like she was telling one of her filthy jokes and Narcissa was bent over laughing, brushing a loose strand of hair from her face.

She couldn't remember the last time she'd laughed out loud.

She put the photograph back and stared out the window, wondering what she would say to her, how she would look at her. Would Marlene want to be with her again? And would she be brave enough this time, if she did? She didn't know.

She sat down on her bed and thought about what she'd say at the meeting, what Dumbledore had wanted her to do. And then it came to her, so suddenly there was no question of her not knowing. She could spy on her own family.

She paced the room, thinking about what she would do, what she would say. If she knew Bella at all, she knew it wasn't going to be the least bit easy. Bella was one of the most intelligent people she'd met, or ever would meet, likely.

She was so deep in her own mind she lost track of the time, and nearly jumped when her father knocked on the door. "Better get ready for lunch, Cissy. They'll be here any minute."

"Just getting ready now," she called back. She put on her forest green robes and pinned her hair up, checking her reflection carefully, hoping she didn't look too nervous. She powdered her face to cover her sweat.

Bella gave her a perfunctory kiss on the cheek. "Happy Christmas, Cissy," she said, and Narcissa couldn't read anything into her voice.

"Happy Christmas," she said, looking into her eyes and trying to look like she meant it, wishing she did, that they were just ordinary sisters spending the holidays together.

They sat and chatted awhile before lunch, and it wasn't until after they'd finished their pudding and had all sat down in the sitting room that Narcissa had a chance to talk to Bella. But they weren't alone, and how she was going to get anything out of her like this, she had no idea.

"So...have you seen Regulus lately?"

Bella gave her a sharp look, but her eyes were bright, amused, as though she knew exactly what Narcissa was trying to do and relished the challenge.

"I saw him this morning," she said.

"Did you stop by Walburga and Orion's then?" said their mother.

"No," said Bella, looking straight at Narcissa. "We had a different engagement." She took a drink of cider, mouth turned up at the corners.

"Was he well?" said Narcissa.

"Not particularly," she said, and Narcissa thought she looked genuinely sorry. Her heart pounded, because she knew he'd been punished, perhaps severely, for what had happened.

But he was still alive, at least. Perhaps Severus had managed to teach him something.

Narcissa tapped her fingers on her glass, wondering what to say next. She rather thought asking how their attempts to overthrow the government were going would be something of a giveaway and almost smiled at the absurdity of it, as though she was asking about a home renovation project. "So I see there's been a lot of good news lately."

"What do you mean?" said Bella.

"I mean all those blood-traitors resigning from the Ministry."

"I'm rather pleased to hear that, Cissy," said her mother, a note of surprise in her voice. A smirk played on Bella's lips and Narcissa prayed she wasn't being too clumsy.

"They've been taking them down one by one, if that's what you mean," said Bella. "It's only a matter of time before they're all finished."

She looked straight at Narcissa, and Narcissa knew exactly what she was doing. She was goading her, hitting her right where it hurt, trying to get her to betray her anger, her fear. Narcissa kept her face impassive. She was a Black too. She could play this game.

"Is that because of...him? The Dark Lord?"

Bella shot her a sharp look, because they both knew perfectly well it was.

"Likely," she said.

"Well, he certainly has the right idea, hasn't he?" said their mother. "It's been getting out hand for years, someone had to step up and do something."

Narcissa's father shifted in his seat and leaned forward, eyes fierce. "But think of what he's doing. All those innocent people, you can't me tell it's worth that."

Her mother looked cool and unconcerned. "Sometimes sacrifices have to be made, you know that."

Her father pounded his fist on the side of his chair and Narcissa nearly jumped. She couldn't remember the last time she'd seen him so agitated. "These aren't necessary sacrifices! He's killing innocent people for no good reason!"

The colour rose in her mothers face and her voice was just as heated. "And what do you think those people would do to us if they knew what we were? You think they'd just let us be, do you? That they wouldn't round us all up like they did in America?"

Her father opened his mouth and closed it again, then leaned back into his chair. "I don't know," he said.

Her mother smiled and Bella's eyes flashed towards Narcissa, a triumphant smirk on her face.

Her father quickly changed the subject, and it wasn't until a few hours later, when Bella went to get a book out of her old room, that Narcissa got a chance to speak with her alone.

Bella was running a finger along the books on her shelf and humming softly to herself. She'd always had the most beautiful voice of the three of them. She could have been a singer, in another life. Maybe she still could. Narcissa hoped so.

She walked up behind Bella. "So...is it difficult. You know, to get in?"

Bella smiled. "You aren't thinking of joining, Miss Innocent?"

"No," said Narcissa, struggling to keep her voice even when all she wanted to do was slap some sense into her. She looked around at all of Bella's old things, her ceramic dolls and jars of frogspawn and the little wooden flute she used to play.

"Why did you do it?" said Narcissa.

Bella ran her fingers along the spine of the book she was holding. "Because I wanted to be part of something," she said. "I wanted to show everyone what I could do."

Narcissa bit her lip, thinking. She would have to be so careful about what she said. "Do you think-that's the best way to do it?"

Bella raised an eyebrow. "I don't need a lecture from you, little miss perfect," she said. "And by the way, nice try."

Something in Bella's eyes told Narcissa she knew. She knew exactly what Narcissa had been trying to do. She was like a child about to play a trick.

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean. Going to report me to the Ministry are you? Or perhaps the Order?"

Bella was watching her and the corners of her eyes crinkled the way they did when she was amused by something. She knew something.

Narcissa breathed hard and willed herself to stay calm, not to show any emotion. "Of course not."

Bella picked up the book and stopped at the doorway. "For your sake I hope not." She picked up a stack of books and stopped at the doorway. "Enjoy your holiday, Cissy," she said, laughter in her voice.

Narcissa just stared after her.

The clock on the wall chimed and Narcissa realized she was late to the meeting. She dashed down the front hall and out the door without even throwing her cloak on, sticking her arms out and twisting in the air.

When she reappeared she was standing in front of the same tidy cottage she'd stood in front of when she was leaving for New York with Marlene, and part of her wished she could just go back, do it all over again. But then she'd have to relive the last six years, and the thought of it was more than she could stand.

Hands sweating, she grabbed hold of the brass door knocker and rapped on the wood.

Marlene's father opened the door. If he was annoyed that she was late, he didn't show it. He squeezed her shoulder. "So good to have you here Miss Black," he said, and she could tell by his voice that he meant it.

Shaking so hard she was afraid everyone would see it, she followed him into the dining room, a cozy room with white walls and a tall stone fireplace and vases of flowers on the tables. Narcissa wondered if Marlene had grown them.

Narcissa had imagined a room full of people, but only around a dozen were seated around the honey-coloured table, and Narcissa couldn't believe what she was seeing. A dozen people, against an entire army of Death Eaters and Inferi and who knew what else. Narcissa nearly laughed out loud at how bloody hopeless it all was, but if they were going down she was going down with them, she was determined of that.

"Usually there's more of us, but some've had to go into hiding," her father said, as though he knew what she'd been thinking.

Narcissa looked them all over until she found who she was looking for, until she saw that head of auburn hair. Marlene was chatting to the woman next to her, an attractive, serious-looking woman about their own age, and didn't see her.

"Everyone, this is Narcissa Black. She's just been inducted into the Order."

Marlene whipped around in her seat and stared at her, mouth slightly open. Narcissa looked back, trying to tell her with her eyes everything she still felt, but Marlene's expression hardened and after only a second or two she looked away.

The people sitting round the table stood up to greet her and Narcissa found herself looking into the round, smiling face of Alice Fortescue. Or perhaps it was Longbottom now; Frank stood beside her and as Alice wrapped her in a hug Narcissa caught a flash of gold on her hand.

"So good to see you again," she said into Narcissa's shoulder.

"You too," said Narcissa, and she meant it.

Frank took her hand in both of his. "Glad to have you with us," he said.

Narcissa glanced from one to the other. "Are you…?"

"Five years now," said Alice, still smiling.

Narcissa stifled her jealousy and forced herself to smile back. "That's wonderful, congratulations."

Alice flushed and hugged her again and Frank put a gentle hand to the small of her back as they walked over to the table and took their seats. She shook hands with a few other people, a man named Alastor, who had a rather creepy-looking magical eye that moved in every direction, settling on her a bit more often that she thought necessary, and another man whose young face was lined and worn, as though he hadn't had a good night's sleep in awhile.

"Remus Lupin," the man said, extending a hand.

Narcissa shook it. "Nice to meet you," she said, doing her best to ignore the shabby state of his robes.

When he'd gone the woman who'd been talking with Marlene stood in front of her.

"Dorcas Meadowes," she said, and Narcissa wondered how well they knew each other, if there was anything going on between them.

"So good to meet you," said Narcissa, trying her best not to hate her. There was no reason to, really. Unless she was dating Marlene, in which case Narcissa hoped she'd get gored by a dozen Hippogriffs. Slowly.

Dorcas turned and sat down, leaving Narcissa face to face with Marlene. She'd cut her hair short but it looked beautiful on her.

"Glad you could join us," she said stiffly, and there was nothing in her voice, in her face, to show that she'd known every part of her, that she'd once held her as they'd fallen asleep, that she'd ever been more than just another classmate. Narcissa hadn't expected her to be happy, not really, but she'd thought she'd be hurt, or shocked, or at least angry. She'd heard it said once, that the opposite of love wasn't hate, it was indifference, and this cold greeting was far worse than if she'd shouted at her, if she'd glared at her and stomped out of the room. Narcissa held her gaze but she run out of the room and cry like she was fourteen.

"Well, I suppose we ought to get started," said Marlene's father as he sat down. He nodded to Dumbledore.

"Sirius couldn't make it?" someone said as they settled into their chairs, and Narcissa realized with a jolt that Sirius was in the Order too.

"No, he's on a mission with James and Lily," said Frank.

Dumbledore looked round at them all. "This meeting of the Order of the Phoenix will now come to order," he said, his deep voice filling the room.

"Any new business?"

Marlene raised her hand.

"Miss McKinnon?"

Narcissa turned to Marlene, glad for the excuse just to look at her. She was wearing a forest green jumper that fit her just right and set off her hair she was just as beautiful as she'd been the last time Narcissa had seen her, only she wasn't smiling now and her eyes weren't laughing as much. She was serious, determined, purposeful-and gorgeous. So bloody gorgeous. And loud and funny and big-hearted and Narcissa didn't see how she'd ever be able to stay away from her.

"I've been tailing Yaxley and Travers," she said, and Narcissa could tell she was trying not to look at her. "They seem to be looking for something. From what I've heard I think they're planning a raid, but I don't know when or where."

"Indeed," murmured Dumbledore. "Does anyone else know anything about it?" Narcissa thought his eyes flicked towards her.

There were murmurs and shakes of heads around the table.

"Thank you, Miss McKinnon. See if you can get more information from them. If it is a raid they're planning innocent lives are at stake. I believe they killed about fifty Muggles the last time."

So they had been killing innocent people, all those years Narcissa had been cloistered away in her family's home and the Ministry. She wondered if everyone around the table was thinking the same thing.

Dumbledore looked at her. "Miss Black? I know it has only been a short time since you were inducted, but do you have anything to report?"

Her face was hot, as though they could all see her clumsy attempts to get anything out of Bella. "No," she said, face hot, sure they all thought she was a failure, and she couldn't bear to look at Marlene. She stared straight ahead into the vase of flowers on the table. There were daffodils there, but Narcissa didn't dare read too much into it, or hope that Marlene had grown them on purpose, to remember her.

Dumbledore asked the rest for their reports, and the talk turned to other things, missions she had nothing to do with and other Order members who were in hiding. Narcissa was only half-listening, steeling herself for what she had to do, terrified and excited both, because just maybe Marlene would see how serious she was.

Maybe she'd love her for it.

Narcissa hadn't heard Dumbledore dismiss them, but she saw people shifting in their seats and standing up. Fluttery and giddy as she used to be when they were in school together, Narcissa rose from her seat and sat down next to Marlene, who was talking to Dorcas Meadowes again. Narcissa could tell by the way her back stiffened that she knew Narcissa was there.

Narcissa could picture the bare skin beneath her robes, could feel the ridges of her spine as though they'd left a physical imprint in her memory.

Marlene must've sensed eyes boring into her, because she turned around with an eyebrow raised, as though Narcissa were being impertinent just being in the same room with her. Just the way Narcissa had always looked at her before they'd become friends.

Payback was such a bitch.

"Do you need something?" said Marlene, as though Narcissa were a rude child who'd interrupted her.

What Narcissa really needed that moment was to slide underneath her chair with her face in her hands and eat a gallon of ice cream and cry. But she kept her face calm, her voice even.

"Actually I was wondering if I could speak with you about something. Alone."

Marlene's eyes went cold. "Anything you have to say to me you can say here."

Narcissa glanced around and lowered her voice. Dorcas had struck up a conversation with someone else.

"I want to help you. I know Tarquin and Corban-Travers and Yaxley, I mean. I could help you get information out of them."

Marlene's eyes narrowed. "I don't need your help."

"Please. No one knows I'm in the Order. I can spy for you."

"We already have spies."

Narcissa heard the message hidden under her words. You're not that special. She bit her lip and glanced over at her father, who was talking with Dumbledore and Alastor. She wondered if Marlene's father had told Marlene what she'd done. Probably. Almost certainly.

"Listen," she said, "I want to help you, I want to fight with you."

Marlene gave her a sharp, cold look. "It'll be too dangerous for you. Just go back to your nice comfortable home and keep spying on your relatives, that's what you're here to do, isn't it?"

Narcissa sat up straighter, her old pride flaring up. "I'm perfectly capable of fighting, you know. I happen to be a duelling champion."

"Yeah, what, six years ago? I imagine you're a bit rusty."

A surge of frustration went through her, at Marlene's flat-out refusal to see any good in her at all."Don't you know what I've done? You're being really ungrateful."

Narcissa regretted the words the moment they were out of her mouth. She hadn't saved her father's life expecting something in return, she'd done it because it was the right thing to do, and because she cared for him.

Marlene slapped her hands down at the table and glared at her. "It never would've happened in the first place if it hadn't been for your nasty little friends," she hissed.

The room had gone quiet as everyone turned to stare at them. Marlene's father cleared his throat.

Marlene flushed red. "If I could speak to you. Alone."

Narcissa bit back her retort and followed Marlene into the back garden, furious at her refusal to understand, her insistence that she was somehow complicit in all the horrible things that were happening.

"They are not my friends," she said. "Do you have any idea what I've been through, how alone I've been for the past six years?"

"And whose fault was that Narcissa? I practically begged you to join up. And you just went back to your family like a little coward. Do you have any idea what it's been like for me, risking my life every single day and watching my friends get tortured?"

The words stung her, made her realize just how cut off from her she was, that she was just some girl Marlene used to know. Her real friends were the people who'd been fighting alongside of her for the past six years, and she hated them for it. Her voice rose.

"I was trying to protect you!"

"I didn't need you to protect me, I needed you to be here with me."

"If I'd done that we'd probably both be dead by now."

"Yeah, well, we're probably all going to be dead soon anyway, the way things are going."

Something in her voice shocked Narcissa out of her anger. "What do you mean?"

"I mean we're losing, Narcissa. They're picking us off one by one and it's only a matter of time before they get us too."

Narcissa didn't know what made her do it, maybe it was the fear in Marlene's voice, but she stepped up to her and put a hand to her face.

"Then at least we'll die in each other's arms, right?" she said softly.

Marlene's face was so close she could feel her breath come faster.

"You think you can just come back here after six years and have everything be ok," said Marlene, as her eyes flickered down to Narcissa's lips.

Narcissa closed the distance between them, kissing her full on the mouth, breathing in that scent she'd missed for so long, running her fingers through her hair.

Marlene kept her mouth shut tight and her arms at her sides, but something gave way in her, and she grabbed the back of Narcissa's head, thrusting her tongue deep into her mouth and pressing her hips against hers, with a hard intensity Narcissa knew wasn't love, wasn't even lust, but the raw desperate need that had been building up over the years, a need she understood because she felt it too.

Marlene pulled away and kissed her neck as Narcissa buried her face in her hair.

"Oh God I've missed you," Narcissa whispered.

"So have I," Marlene whispered back.

She backed Narcissa up against the stone fence at the edge of the garden, running her hands down her breasts and her stomach as she kissed her again and again. Narcissa needed her so badly her legs were weak and she moaned into her mouth.

Marlene jerked herself away, flushed and breathing hard and looking shocked by what she'd done.

"What did you have to start kissing me for?"

Narcissa didn't know what she'd been expecting her to say, but it wasn't that. "What are you talking about? You're the one who had your tongue halfway down my throat."

"Yeah, well, that's...look, I can't be doing this right now. Especially not with you."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Marlene turned and walked back to the cottage, arms crossed over her chest. "You know exactly what it means," she said without looking back.

Narcissa just stood there, clutching the fence and staring after her.

There was hurt and anger there, she'd seen it in Marlene's eyes, felt it coursing through her body, but there was something else there too, she felt it in the way Marlene had kissed her, how she'd touched her, how she'd whispered to her.

So have I.

Or maybe it was just wishful thinking.

Narcissa's mother was there to meet her when she got back from the meeting.

"Where were you? You're late for dinner."

"Sorry," Narcissa said, as casually as she could manage. "I had an owl from the Ministry."

"On Boxing Day?"

"Well, it's a rather important project we're working on."

Just as she'd hoped, the prestige of top-secret Ministry projects was enough to shut her mother up. Being an Unspeakable had its advantages, she was grateful for that much.

"Well, you'd better wash up and join us," she said.

Narcissa picked at her food a few minutes and excused herself, wondering just how long she could keep lying to them and get away with it. She'd spent the last six years keeping her head down, toeing the line, making vague promises to get back together with Lucius, and all she could hope was that she'd built up enough goodwill to keep them off her back.

She was just making her way upstairs when her mother cornered her.

"You've been going out an awful lot lately," she said.

"Yes well, as I've said, we've been very busy."

Her mother gave her a sharp look and Narcissa knew perfectly well she didn't believe her. "You wouldn't happen to be seeing that girl, would you?" Her mouth twisted like she'd tasted acid.

"Of course not," said Narcissa, looking her straight in the eye. "I haven't seen her in years."

Her mother glanced away for a moment, and her voice softened. "You know, I was five years younger than you when I got married. It's time you settled down. You'll be much happier."

"But I'm not even seeing anyone."

"And that's the whole problem, isn't it? You've been stringing us along for years and it's gone nowhere. I'm going to write to Abraxas and arrange the engagement."

Narcissa couldn't believe she'd be so controlling. "What? No."

Her mother's eyes flashed. "Yes, Cissy." She moved in closer, so close Narcissa could smell the wine on her breath. "You will do it, or it all stops, do you understand? No more outings, no more job at the Ministry. Enough is enough."

Narcissa just started at her, not believing what she'd heard. Her job at the Ministry and her work with the Order were all she had left.

Her eyes were stinging and her mother was becoming blurry. She stormed upstairs to her room before she could say anything more.

She understood then, that she'd never been free, never would be free. She was a picture on the family tapestry, an heirloom to be auctioned off to the highest bidder.

All part of being a Black daughter.