Chapter 21: One Step At A Time
"Home sweet home!" Tyson declares before collapsing onto the couch. "The hospital smells too clean."
"Well I would hope so." I laugh. "You wouldn't want to go to a dirty hospital." He lifts his head and props it up on his elbows to look me over. I tense at the critical gaze as I remove my coat and hang it up.
"Ray?"
"Hm?" I don't meet his eyes. Even though he didn't remember anything of the prior night, I still did and it made me a little uncomfortable around him.
"I know you already know…but thanks." He had known that what had happened was somewhat serious, even without the finer details, mostly because of my reactions and precautions when being around him in the past few hours of being reunited. I couldn't help but think he'd noticed how I had been distancing him. He had asked me several times on the way home about the specifics but I, of course, had been less than willing to disclose anything besides that he had simply been acting 'strange'. Twice he had tried to nudge me in his normal playful way to egg it out of me and I had withdrawn sharply out of pure instinct. I had been forcing myself to smile even when I was feeling my most distressed, knowing that none of it had been his fault, but that tiny part of me that remembered those feelings just wasn't ready to forget just like that. The doctor had asked if he had taken any kind of drugs, but as far as I knew, he wouldn't have…at least not willingly. The confusing part was that we'd been together most of the day so the opportunity of someone else giving him something was seemingly rare. So what exactly had happened?
"Don't worry about it." I shrug him off, hoping I won't have to continue thinking about it. It was over now and everything was fine. Well…mostly. As if sensing my discomfort, Tyson jumps back up and begins his way down the hallway.
"Well I don't know about you, but I'm beat. I'm gonna go take a nap. Wake me if anything bad happens. Or even anything good." He then disappears behind his door. I let out a gigantic sigh. Yes, I was exhausted. Even my few hours of sleep between dropping Tyson off and picking Tyson up had not felt refreshing. Besides being emotionally drained, the silence at his departure had left me also feeling slightly hysterical. It was like all the things I'd pushed myself through to just keep him safe were all catching up to me and hitting me at once. I want to collapse onto the couch and just pass out, but a part of me has marked that area as a bad zone. As if the memories were plastered all over the furniture and I couldn't shake them off. Distraction. I needed a distraction.
So of course, what do I do? I start cleaning. I pick up the scattered pieces of the games we'd rummaged through and start putting them away. Carefully avoiding touching the couch and adjacent areas that had been tainted, I pick up the remote control from the floor where it had fallen at some point, who knew when? I find my cell phone tucked away under a side table by the tv. Another mystery of how it managed to get there… I should charge it just in case Kai tries to call again...
As if sensing my thoughts, the phone starts ringing. The house phone, since well, we all know my cell had died before I had left. I reach to swipe it off the floor before making my way to the kitchen to answer the phone, my hand brushing against something during the motion.
"Hello?" I ask, closing my eyes and bracing for the impact.
Silence.
Did they hang up before I reached it? I open my eyes to look at the receiver, then put it back to my ear.
"Hello?" I try again, less sure of myself.
"Finally!" I wince at the explosion. "Do you know how many times I've called you?! What took so long?" And there's Max. Right on cue.
"I'm sorry… I'll put my phone on the charger right now." I scramble around the kitchen to look for wherever my charger had ended up.
"Forget about that right now. How's Tyson? Is he home? Can I speak to him?"
"He went to take a nap. He's fine now. The doctor said to take it easy for a day or so and he'd be back to his normal rambunctious self in no time." Well that was half true. He HAD said for him to take it easy for a few days. If we both didn't die of awkwardness in the next few days, he MIGHT go back to being himself. Or maybe it was just me. He was trying his best to act normal already. And granted, I was too but…it would definitely take some time for me...which in turn might just make it more awkward for Tyson along the way.
"So what the heck happened anyway? Kai didn't explain." Hmm, that is the universal question right now. I sigh nonchalantly and try to think of a way to explain it to him without making anyone freak out moreso than what was already happening. In the process I manage to find my charger and plug in my cell phone. It's then that I recall what I had found while retrieving it. What I had brushed aside as not important or ordinary but struck me now as extremely relevant.
"He ate the candy…" I whisper to myself, stepping out into the hallway and sending a look towards the living room as if I could see what I was looking for through the walls. It was the empty wrappers I had noticed under the table on my way out to answer the phone. At least 2 of them. Under normal circumstances that would be incredibly typical, since well…no food has a chance against Tyson, especially sweet foods. But this situation was FAR from normal.
"What? I didn't quite hear you?" Max responds not quite hearing my realization. I lower the phone so I can think about this clearly. It HAD to be the candy. It was the only thing that made sense as it hadn't been something I myself had prepared and Tyson certainly wasn't into recreational drugs. I'm also pretty sure he wouldn't subject himself to THAT kind of drug anyway. It wasn't exactly something you use on yourself. It would be more of something to use on someone else. Not that I would have any experience in that type of thing. Whoever it had been obviously had plans other than just enjoying a nice treat. But a little girl? I couldn't picture her having those kinds of intentions. She was too young and I had never seen her before, let alone did something to that warranted such treatment. I don't know why but I was already considering that Tyson hadn't been the target. I had been the only one home when she had arrived. And she had to have been just a messenger. But who would want that kind of control over me? And who knew my schedule like that to know that I…
I drop the phone and make a beeline for the front door, anger washing over me in the split second it took me to realize. I don't grab my coat as I rush outside. I don't even close the door. I scan the streets for the familiar yet out of place black car that had been stalking me for the past few days. When I don't find it, I race back inside and back to the phone, slamming the door on my way in.
"Hello? Hey! Ray? Ray! Are you still…?"
"Where's Kai?" I interrupt Max's frantic calls from my sudden absence. He stutters a minute, surprised at my demanding tone.
"H…he's…a…hold on…" he disappears from the other end of the phone and the seconds tick by like an eternity. He comes back after what feel like a decade. "He's not here. He must have gone on ahead. What's wrong? Did something else happen?" Max starts to sound panicked again and I take the phone away from my ear in frustration, wanting so desperately to hit something. But I hold it in, biting my lip, taking a deep breath and going back to the phone.
"Sorry. It's nothing." I say as composed as possible. "Can you please just have him call me when he gets back or when you see him. Tell him it's urgent. And you don't have to worry anymore. Tyson's fine."
"You don't sound fine. What's urgent? Is it something you can't tell me? I thought we were going to be better about secrets from now on…" he sounds almost accusing and it still makes my heart ping a little in regret.
"I'll tell you after I talk to Kai. Just… Everything is fine." For now. I hope it's enough for him to understand. He hesitates but he seems to accept it.
"Okay, but we're not done talking about this. I have to go work now but I'll call you later. Tell Tyson I was worried and to feel better soon." I smile despite my mixed feelings at the moment.
"I will. Work hard." The phone clicks as he hangs up and I replace the receiver on the wall. I calmly walk back to the door and lock it with all three locks, letting out a shiver that I had been holding in. I'm not taking any chances. There was something going on here that wasn't right. If I HAD been the target, what had he been planning? Was he going to kidnap me? If that were the case, he had had ample time during the night. Or was something else going on here? Had he known I was alone here with Tyson? Had he expected ME to be the one making advances at HIM? If that was the case, I was slightly happy for Tyson's penchant for sweets. In a twisted, extremely demented kind of way…
Ugh, who is this person that can get me to think such terrible things? And what would any of that have accomplished anyway? Maybe he hadn't expected Tyson to be here at all? But that seemed less plausible than my first idea. If he'd shown me anything in the past few days it was that he knew who was here and when. As any good stalker would. Great. I've already labelled him as a stalker with malicious intentions. I mean, yeah he had threatened me. And yeah he had stalked me a little. But to go THAT far? What the heck is really happening here? Is he just trying to scare me again by getting into my head? Because. It seemed to be working quite well. "I can't keep worrying about it." I tell myself forcefully.
"Are you okay? I heard a loud noise…" Tyson wanders out from his room carrying a pillow.
"It…it's nothing." I smile my biggest, fakest smile that I have. "I just tripped over a chair."
He scratches his head with a look of disbelief while glancing around for the chair in question.
"In the hallw…wait. Nevermind. Sorry for intruding." As if sensing my avoidance, he bows and disappears back into his room. I let out a huge sigh. Yeah. This is totally making things better. I roll my eyes at my own stupidity.
Too tired to sleep. Too upset to clean. Too apprehensive to concentrate on anything entertaining. Too worried to eat. I end up sitting at the kitchen table, staring at…well? Nothing. For who knows how long. I want to tell you that I was consciously considering things carefully, but in all honesty, I don't remember what I was even thinking about. Just the kitchen table.
And then…
"Why are you sitting here in the dark? Where's dinner?!" Apparently over being awkward after taking a nap or whatever he may have been doing instead, Tyson plops down at the table across from me, breaking into my line of vision and snapping me back to life.
"Huh?" I manage a little taken off guard. He drops his head to the table and groans.
"I'm hungry!" Like a helpless child he whines on.
"What? Oh!" I jump up. Yeah food is probably a good idea. "I'll make…" I pause, remembering that we didn't have much left after yesterday's meals. That and thinking that sitting around a quiet house with just Tyson was only going to make me babble things I probably don't want to say out loud. "How about we go out to eat instead?" I suggest, hoping that being in public might make it easier for me to feel more normal. He lifts his head slowly and thinks it over.
"Okaaay, but I'm choosing. Eating nothing but Jell-o has made me want something spicy." I half smile. Okay, so maybe it's not so bad if I stop overthinking things. If Tyson can play nice, so can I.
"Sure." We both head towards the door as Tyson starts rattling off food items and their proximity to us, while calculating quantity for price. I almost find it amusing that these things are going into his decision on where to go. He'd never seemed to care about price before.
I finish pulling on my coat and spot the empty candy wrappers on the floor. I was right, there was 2 of them. I frown and pick them up, wondering where the other 2 ended up. Knowing that I would have to find them to make sure they didn't end up in the wrong hands again was making my stomach hurt all over again.
What was I going to tell…
"Kai?" My head snaps up and I turn. My eyes lock with Kai, who's standing at the door which Tyson had just opened. "You're back? Where's Max? Did you finish early?" Tyson looks around Kai at the empty space behind him. Kai doesn't break eye contact with me, looking for something inside me that only he can find. I can feel the invasion creeping through all my unspoken thoughts but I can't look away to stop it. All the anger I had built up before has long gone and I'm helpless at how to even speak to him about all this. I certainly can't do it with Tyson as an audience. Kai seems to realize this as well as he redirects his attention.
"He doesn't know." He replies finally, his eyes shifting to Tyson to look him over. "You look fine."
Tyson flushes at the sudden attention and shies away from the door to let Kai enter.
"Actually we were just about to go eat. Are you tired? You should come with us." Tyson yammers on, unaware of the communication that had just taken place between us. "Is it okay for you to be here if they don't know? You didn't have to rush home just because you were worried about me. I'm touched! I didn't know you cared so much." Tyson drapes an arm over Kai's shoulders in a playful hug. I don't even take the energy to care or acknowledge the exchange. Leaving didn't seem like the right choice anymore and I move to close the door and relock it.
"I'll make something after all." I mumble before shedding my coat and walking back down the hallway. I have so many mixed emotions building up inside that I start to feel numb, unable to decide which to feel first. I slink into the kitchen while Tyson stays glued to Kai, leading him down the hallway after me. I wordlessly make dinner and set the table as they go on talking. Well, Tyson does most of the talking but Kai nods of adds some other facial expression in place of words ever so often. I can feel his eyes watching me every now and then but every time I glace to check, he seems fully taken by whatever conversation they are having. I'm guessing it involved work or Kai's project but I wasn't really listening. I try to gather my thoughts together again but we both know it might be awhile before we are alone. If he had come straight home after our last conversation, he wouldn't have known that Tyson was home. Assuming that he had assumed the worst, this clearly wasn't what he had expected to return to. He wasn't showing it in his actions but he knew SOMETHING. But what exactly was that something? He couldn't have guessed what was REALLY going on. Kai was perceptive but not THAT perceptive. He HAD assumed it was worth LEAVING WITHOUT PERMISSION, possibly jeopardizing his career or position, so… What WAS he thinking?
Maybe I can use this time to formulate exactly what I need to say...
I place the food on the table in front of them before taking a seat between them.
"You're not eating?" Tyson inquires when I don't set my own place.
"I'm not feeling too well so I think I'll eat later." I respond in a low voice.
"You do look a little pale… Maybe you should go rest." Tyson shrugs before greedily grabbing his utensils and preparing to dig in. He seems to get lost in his dining and quickly forgets about the rest of us. Kai stares at me until I break and meet his eyes again with a flinch as if he's about to yell at me.
"Please don't." I say before he can open his mouth. He pushes his plate towards Tyson and stands up.
"I'm not hungry either." He states before he exits without another word. I hesitate to follow, wanting to resolve this but not wanting to alarm Tyson at the same time.
"I think I'll go take that rest." I force, before standing and heading towards the bedroom. "Just leave the dishes and I'll clean it up later." I give as one last remark before exiting.
"More for me!" Tyson exclaims after me, not even phased by the strained atmosphere.
I find Kai standing near the bed with his back to me. I close the door and lock it before backing myself up into it for comfort.
"How much do you know?" I ask, trying to stay as calm as possible. If we were going to come up with a solution we would both have to keep our heads.
"I know enough. What did he do?" I can tell that he's faking the same calm I am and I relax a little finding it somehow comforting.
"It could have been worse." I pause, my calm resolve cracking at the idea as all the memories come flooding back at once. What if it HAD been me? Would Tyson have handled it the same way? There was no way of knowing if it would have even happened while we were together. What if I hadn't been there at all? What if it had been me while Tyson was at work? What if..? "You didn't tell me he was dangerous. I thought…" I growl, the whole thing overwhelming me all over again. "When you said to stay away from him I thought it was about his idle threats and attempts to buy me over. But this is beyond that. You said…" The anger finally breaks through and I throw myself forward into the room, away from my safety zone. "You said I didn't need to worry. You said you would handle it. Kai, this is more than just words to downgrade my existence." I don't even realize that I had grown to yelling until Kai turns around with a wounded look on his face.
"Nobody was hurt." He tries to bring me back down but I am already out of control and too far away from getting it back.
"I was! Maybe not physically but…" I bite back the rest of the words on the verge of tears. "You didn't have to come running home either. I'm not a weak little girl that needs to be protected. I handled it just fine without you. But you need to tell me. What else should I be expecting? Just how far is he willing to go?"
"I told you to stay away from him! That should have been enough." He finally lets himself go and takes a menacing step towards me. "I warned you. Don't tell me that I didn't."
"You didn't. You gave me a puzzle. You threatened me. You cornered me and told me to listen without an explanation. Never once did you say 'watch out Ray, he's dangerous.'"
"I shouldn't have to!" He throws his arms out in frustration before taking two steps to the right and shaking his head. "You should have trusted me like I told you to." He scoffs. "Forget it. It's too late. You're right, it's my fault. I shouldn't have let you…"
"No." I break him off forcefully, grabbing his arm to make him look at me again. "You don't get to say that. Not now. Don't take the steps away that you already took to be closer. I know this is hard for you but you can't go back. WE can't go back. Otherwise…" I stop myself. "Otherwise…" I withdrawal. Otherwise, what? What exactly was I trying to say?
"Stop. Stop..." he waves a hand in a circle in front of my face as if indicating something there. "...all that." He sighs and sits down on the bed. "This isn't working." I instantly fall apart, automatically thinking and feeling the worst scenario I could imagine (which, by my standards, is pretty freakin' terrible!). He seems to sense this before I can find the words to speak aloud because he shoots back up and hugs me in one brisk movement, surprising me enough for a choking sound to escape my throat when I cut off the urge to burst out crying or worse. I hesitate to return the hug because my mind hasn't processed that it's even happening. Frozen, as if moving will end it all and it will become a dream or passing fantasy. "I'm sorry..." he mumbles lowly into some place between my shoulder and my collarbone. It's so low and muffled by my shirt that I'm not completely sure that's what he really said at all.
Instead of responding with words that probably would come out wrong anyway, my arms find their own voice and inner strength and snake around his back, pulling him closer. When he finally releases me and takes a step back, his face is red from the warmth of having it buried in my chest. I feel a little out of place for a second and he wipes at the side of his face as if brushing something off of it.
"Listen Kai..." I start but he shakes his head.
"I hear you. We're in this together. I'll tell you what you want to know."
AN: Hello! I know it's been a long long time. I was actually considering scrapping everything and starting over and fight with myself daily over it. Finding time to write at all has been a real struggle but I hate to leave things unfinished. So even if it takes the rest of my life, it will be finished. If I do decide to scrap and rewrite, I'll be sure to finish before I repost. By then I am sure everyone will have forgotten about it anyway but at least I will have my own piece of mind. (also...July seems to be my month of finding time to post!) Until next time, love you guys!