Chapter Twenty-Seven: A Matter of Pride

Regulus watched Sirius leave the Great Hall with a sinking feeling. He faced his food which didn't look appetizing anymore and wondered if he should go after his brother. His friends jostled him laughing good-naturedly at how he'd been mentioned by his mother. He wasn't worried about himself though.

"Come on Regulus, he's fine, look his girlfriend is going after him."

Regulus turned surprised to see a red-haired girl rush after Sirius. Since when did he have a girlfriend? Regulus felt a stab of hope that came from being an optimist despite growing up as he had. If Sirius's girlfriend was a pureblood then everything could go back to normal at home.

He used to be jealous of his older brother who had really blatantly been the favorite back then. Sirius had been so different too, much more controlled and obedient and... miserable, Regulus had to admit. He could still recall a Christmas in which Regulus was five, meaning Sirius was six or perhaps barely seven.

His brother and he had both been stuffed into their typical uncomfortable dress gowns. Their grandpa had tugged Sirius around all evening showing him off to bigwig Ministry officials while Regulus had been forced to play with the other children who weren't heirs. It was only upon looking back that Regulus realized he hadn't seen Sirius smile once, not his real smile which had been rare back then, something secret shared between the two of them.

Regulus missed those times, he even would have suffered again through Sirius and Narcissa in their clubhouse blatantly excluding him since he was 'too young'.

"Do you know who the girl is?" he asked Sean, who he had already known prior to Hogwarts from his family's galas and other events. Events Regulus had attended when Sirius had begun to refuse too.

Regulus really did like their crazy Uncle Alphard for the most part, but he had to admit that everything had only started falling apart in their family after a then nine-year-old Sirius had spent the summer with their uncle.

"Oh that's Lily, she's Severus' girlfriend, not Sirius'."

"Unless Sirius likes her and that's part of the reason Severus seems to hate him so much."

"Ooooo wouldn't that be funny. I mean I personally think Severus is bonkers for being so scathing towards a noble Black, well openly scathing at least."

"No offense Regulus."

"Huh? Oh, none taken."

"Don't worry Regulus is on the right path. He knows what a loser his brother is."

Regulus nodded absently, not really listening. He'd never even considered Sirius to be a loser.

Impulsive and often impossible, yes! Mean and sometimes manipulative, sure. But he supposed he was still at the age that he couldn't help but look up to his big brother who seemed to be better at everything.

Well, maybe not everything. Sirius' lack of personal survival was quite appalling. If only his brother didn't stir the pot so much. Regulus didn't understand, it was much better after all to be the younger 'lacking' brother than the talented rebellious 'traitor'. If only Sirius wasn't so stubborn everything could be perfect!

Regulus stabbed at his peas no longer listening at all to his friends' excited chatter, probably talking about the visitors again. A still startling feeling of frustration towards Sirius rose up in Regulus as he ate. Really it served his brother right to be humiliated in such a public manner.

Regulus desperately wished his mother hadn't mentioned him but he supposed he deserved it too for getting detention. Not that it had been Sirius' fault in the slightest. If anything it was Lucinda's fault who had come up with the 'spectacular' idea of getting ahead of their peers in potions by breaking into Slughorn's storage room to practice. If Sirius, more like when, got detention it wasn't because he was attempting to better himself, Regulus was certain of that.

He sipped his juice still thinking. He had to be thoughtful since out of the two of them one of them just had to be, and Sirius, even back when things had been perfect and his family loved one another, had always been impulsive. It had been endearing back then, harmless even. Like the time he'd 'rescued' a puppy and snuck it home. Their mother had screamed when she found the thing and had given Sirius a lecture, but Regulus knew she had known for much longer than she had pretended to.

Or that one time when Sirius had put a laughing potion in their grandfather's tea, that was the only time anyone had seen him smile. Well, maybe that particular incident had actually gotten Sirius more than a scolding, but Regulus had heard his mother laughing about it to their father later. Actually laughing, which their mother did on rare occasions, but usually it was done in the face of some rival to throw them off or subtly insult them. At least that's what Regulus had come to understand from his mother ranting to him about it as he watched her brush her hair, taking hours to ready herself for these parties. It had seemed a little silly to him back then for his mother to care so much about the parties, but after making the mistake of mentioning that to her once he never did again.

Maybe he should have gone after Sirius.

But thinking back to his older brother yelling at him so angrily not that long ago kept him seated. It's not that he didn't want to hang out with Sirius, and thinking back on it, maybe it had been cruel of him to run away from him. It had just been so… so exhilarating to be the one to leave his brother out.

After years of always being the finder in hide and seek or the one to try out the odd concoctions his brother and cousin made, if he was included at all, it felt good not to be the one on the outside looking in.

Thinking like that made Regulus uneasy but Narcissa told him it was normal, better than normal it was Slytherin. Regulus was a Slytherin since that meant fitting in and belonging and that's all he wanted to do.

Sirius had made some good points about Muggleborn wizards, logically speaking, but so did Slytherins. Besides, it said something that Narcissa would actually hear Regulus out when he brought up Sirius' points and refuted them coolly but calmly, while if he ever brought up what Slytherins said to Sirius he'd just get angry at him.

Maybe if Sirius was kinder he'd give his brother's opinions more thought. But at least Narcissa was kind to him, Narcissa included him.

Now he was the one in the clubhouse, and if Sirius wanted to join he'd have to spend hours begging or go on a 'shame quest' for the 'secret key'.

Yes, it wasn't kind of him to sort of enjoy his brother's humiliation, but apparently, Slytherins weren't kind; they were greedy and ambitious and clawed their way to the top. Regulus could do that, he didn't exactly want to, but he could elbow and scrape his way to the top. Then, once he was there he could stretch out his hand to Sirius and show him the way. That thought made Regulus smile, well he'd do that if Sirius apologized first. Not even a sincere one was required for Regulus to help, he would take a sarcastic one, then he'd help Sirius get to where he had gotten to first.

"What are you smiling about?" Narcissa asked, scooching two of Regulus' first-year friends out of the way who gaped at her in awe and reverence.

"Just thinking that mom's howler might have knocked some sense into Sirius."

Narcissa scoffed and rustled Regulus' hair.

"Let's hope so Reggy, it sure would be good to have a cousin around that's not a little baby."

She said it affectionately but it made Regulus scowl as she walked away.

"WOW, I can't believe you know, the Narcissa Black."

"Yeah it's so cool she's your cousin."

"You think she could introduce me to Lucius….I mean the Leader."

"If you play your cards right I can," Regulus grinned.

Yes, he wanted Sirius to come around, but it wouldn't be the worst thing if it took him just a little bit longer.

Because Sirius was stronger, and more handsome, and quicker than he was. But by the time Sirius realized he was on the wrong side, Regulus would be the one who had the connections, who had the plans, then he'd be the one calling the shots.

And maybe that wasn't such a bad thing after all.

...

"She can't do that, she can't keep me from seeing Uncle Alphie," Sirius ranted for the fifth time that day, stamping around the dorm room as if by being loud enough his mother would hear him and give up.

James groaned and wrapped the pillow around his head, or tried to. Peter yanked it away from him with a look that plainly said if he had to suffer through it so did James. That was sound reasoning but didn't stop James shoving Peter off his bed with a thump that momentarily distracted Sirius.

Peter uprighted himself laughing slightly and James laughed too, glancing hopefully at Sirius, since this was as good a time as any to give up doing their homework altogether, and have a spontaneous pillow fight.

"I mean she just CAN'T! I know he's a 'blood traitor' and yada yada but his actions in '66 have negated some of that bullcrap," Sirius ranted pacing around, with an occasional worried glance to Remus' still empty bed.

It had already been four nights since their friend had vanished, quickly approaching five nights which was definitely on the long end of how long Remus usually stayed gone. Surely Remus would be back any minute expecting them to be asleep, slipping in as quiet as a Demiguise.

Only they weren't allowed to sleep since they had all agreed to stay up in order to assure Remus things were 'fine' and that his secrets would be 'ignored' which they had agreed was the quickest way to skip over him being dodgy around them.

However, this meant that James had to suffer through more of Sirius' complaining which had been understandable for the first day, since the visitors were now arriving late due to some mishap, meaning Sirius was still the attention of the entire school.

But James personally thought he was lucky because what second-year student could honestly say the entire student population knew his name and who he was. Still, James had to admit the howler had been decidedly unpleasant, and he'd much rather just become that famous through Quidditch instead.

"What happened in 66?" Peter asked, and James groaned loudly mumbling under his breath not to encourage Sirius as their friend rounded on them.

"Didn't I tell you already?"

"Possibly, but you've been talking so much I don't know which bits are useful and which bits aren't," he replied, earning a derisive snort from Sirius.

"Well, if Remus ever came back then I wouldn't have to talk to you, useless berks."

James knew Sirius was joking, at least mostly, but the reminder of how little James understood still hurt. Not that he wanted to understand, no his parents were nutters but he loved them and knew they loved him which apparently wasn't something he should take for granted. But, well it was just that it left a bit of a gulf between Remus and Sirius, and him and Peter. Not that James had anything against Peter, not really, he just wasn't Sirius or even Remus.

"Look I'm trying to understand Sirius, really I am. But you can't keep punishing me for that," he explained impatiently.

Sirius shot him a startled look which quickly became an annoyed one since James had broken the rule of making a non-serious comment serious which Sirius seriously didn't like. James snorted in amusement over his own wit which lessened the annoyance in Sirius' expression, the look now bordering on wondering if James still had his marbles.

He did, mostly, but he was so, so tired. Quidditch practice was easy as far as his skill went, but it wore him out. Then he had to come back every night to Sirius who over the weekend had turned into a raving machine over the insanity of house Black. But James learned that he better not agree with Sirius's insulting comments about his family too fervently because then he got an angry 'what's your problem Potter' thrown back in his face.

It was all confusing and stressful which had led to him not sleeping well. James had even had nightmares of Sirius ranting about his family and suddenly they were graduated from Hogwarts and it was all James could remember of his time at the school. Thankfully, he knew that when Remus would return that their friend, their wonderful miracle worker of a friend, would find the right words and shut Sirius up.

Actually, James didn't envy the tiny gulf between him and Sirius and Remus, since when Sirius jumped the gulf onto his side he was much more fun. No, the real problem was that James wished when Sirius was being like this, and most definitely on Remus' side of the gulf - needing Remus' expertise and understanding or whatever it was that ended up with the two of them falling asleep holding hands - that Remus was actually here! Also, that James had someone besides Peter on his side because Peter was great, really he was, he was just...well... Peter.

"James!"

"Huh, what?" He jolted from his thoughts which had apparently caused him to zone out a bit, his head slumping onto his shoulder as his eyes involuntarily closed. Did he mention how bloody tired he was?

"I said that I'm not punishing you so what's….."

"What's my problem?" James interjected knowing what Sirius was going to say, it had become a painfully expected response the past few days. Sirius' face grew red with embarrassment so at least he knew he was being ridiculous. Not that it got him to stop exactly, but still at least his friend knew.

"Look I just…" Sirius began sounding frustrated.

"What happened in 66?" Peter asked, interjecting quickly. He had been getting almost as good as Remus at sniffing out an argument. He just was dreadful at stopping it, only this time his question shockingly did the trick.

"Well, that was when Bella got the dragon pox."

James shuddered, not feeling bad for Bellatrix since she completely deserved all sorts of painful terrible things. But... well, his grandparents had died from dragon pox, not that it was hereditary, or whatever the word was meaning it ran in the family. But James had experienced multiple nightmares when he was five about his parents dying from dragon pox like his grandparents had, whose faces he couldn't even remember anymore.

"What does that have to do with your uncle?" James asked, far too tired to appreciate Sirius' story.

"I'm getting there. SO anyways she got it that summer before school and my aunt, her mom, couldn't take care of her, meaning my mom had to. This was back when they thought it would be gone before Hogwarts."

"It wasn't?" Peter asked, surprised. Sirius gave him a look.

"Obviously not, that's why she had to be held back since she was sick for such a long time. Sissy swears it messed up Bella's brain but I think she was always an evil little devil," Sirius explained offhandedly. It was odd how... affectionate Sirius sometimes sounded when he talked about Narcissa, almost as if they had been close. But that was crazy since Sirius wasn't a closed-minded pureblood purist, and him actually liking his family would be as ridiculous as Peter actually making it on the Quidditch team.

"Oh," Peter responded, sounding embarrassed he hadn't realized that himself. In Peter's defense, it was nearly one in the morning, and they were all tired.

"Yes oh. Now, where was I? Oh yeah. SO back then they thought she'd get better soon. But she had to come to stay with us since her parents worked so much back then. Regulus was still under the danger age so he got to stay home, which at first I'd been upset about."

"Why?" Peter asked curiously. Sirius gave him a withering look that shut him up.

"I am getting there," he snapped impatiently, "Just let me finish geez. Now…"

"Are you going to continue?" James asked, right at the right moment. Sirius shot him an amused look of irritation then continued with exaggerated slowness for a few seconds just to be an arse.

"I….didn't….know…...my…..uncle back then I'd only heard of him briefly as this nutter who left the family. Which as you can imagine is more than frowned upon. You don't need to ask why Peter, I will explain," Sirius pointed out, but he was grinning now and they all laughed a bit.

"My family is all about appearance and status and the fact that Uncle Alphard gave that up because he didn't agree with all the family's views made him the extent of a mad man. Now you can imagine my mother tried everyone else, like even random pureblood family friends. I almost ended up staying at the Malfoys."

They all shared a collective shudder at that.

"Dodged a hex there you did."

Sirius nodded appreciatively.

"Yeah. I didn't know it then but it was the turning point of my entire life," Sirius explained dramatically. James rolled his eyes but grinned, he was starting to get into the story a bit.

"So here I am barely seven and going off to live for possibly a whole summer with a mad man. My mom kissed me goodbye, no need to look so shocked Peter, she wasn't always a complete monster. Anyways, she instructed me to talk to him as little as possible and it would only be for a few days until she could arrange for me to stay with someone else. But a few days turned into a week and by that time I was beginning to realize my parents weren't always right about everything. Long story short Uncle Alphie is the best, my parents are the real madmen, and my uncle saved me from being like them, questions?"

"They really let you see him again after that?"

Sirius gave a chilling smile that made James wonder if his friend had given as good as he got, even back then, and if maybe that had made things worse for him. Remus had suggested Sirius try to be less aggressive to his family in order to land in less trouble, but James wasn't anywhere near that brave or stupid to suggest such a thing.

"I didn't give them much of a choice. If you haven't noticed Potter I can be quite a handful at times," Sirius sounded quite pleased at himself, but not for the first time James questioned the sanity of his friend who he knew got physically hurt as a result of acting out yet did it so often. But then again, if his family were nutters who believed in all the wrong things he supposed he'd act out too, no matter the consequences. Although a dementor would probably give him pause, but maybe that had only happened...like once to Sirius. At least he hoped so.

"Any other questions?"

"Why are you guys still awake?" Remus asked cracking the door from where it appeared he had been listening through, though James couldn't tell for how long.

He glanced at Sirius worried about how the boy would react. Especially since Remus' face was bruised, badly, all along his jaw as if that had gotten broken somehow. James felt physically ill with worry. Remus gave a nervous smile but was no doubt ready to run if they gave him cause.

"Please don't give him cause," James thought, desperately trying to catch Sirius' eye.

"You...uh heard all that."

"About how your uncle is a hero. Yes touching story, I especially liked the part about Bellatrix having dragon pox."

Peter let out a laugh, a nervous bubble of laughter that escaped between the fingers that had been clamped over his mouth, probably to prevent him from squeaking at Remus' dreadful appearance.

Had he already been to Madam Pomfrey's?

James wondered which was worse, that Remus had come straight here or that he had been to the Matron and this was the leftover result of what she had already healed. Sirius regarded Remus closely, too closely. James could just see him launching into interrogation mode which would be well deserved but counterproductive to their end goal.

"Yes that's my favorite bit too," Sirius finally concluded with a much too false grin, but at least he hadn't launched himself on Remus.

James let out a sigh he didn't realize he'd been holding and he could hear Peter do the same. In fact, it seemed as if the whole room sighed in relief, though Remus by far won the award for 'most relieved'. James up to now had let Sirius take the lead on figuring out what was going on with Remus, but James didn't think he could prevent himself anymore from not getting as obsessed with it as Sirius.

Not that he thought he could figure it out if Sirius couldn't, he may be more handsome than his friend but he knew he wasn't smarter, not that much anyway.

However, Remus was as much a part of his family as the rest of his friends and his parents were. No one got away messing with James' family, no one. If James had to face off a full-grown wizard to make that point then he would in a heartbeat, even if it ended up with him in a similar state to Remus, and he knew Sirius felt the same way.

If only Remus could accept they felt that way too, then maybe he'd trust them enough to tell them what was going on.