"You're the devil. Satan in-fucking-carnate."
Lucy rolled her eyes as Natsu cradled the kitten to his chest. After he started saying some weird bullshit about ending his life, she decided it would best to take him to his cat, who was just upstairs chilling in their bedroom, completely clueless to the effect he has on people. "You should really grow some bigger balls, they might come in handy."
He glared at her. "What, like yours?"
"They are nice and sturdy." She smirked.
He shielded the cat's ears and whispered, "so inappropriate."
She dramatically rolled her eyes. "Ya know, you're giving that cat more attention than me."
His eyes widened before he smirked. "Jealous, huh?"
"As if!" She turned her head to the side as she crossed her arms and puffed out her cheeks. He smiled softly at her and set the kitten down. "What are you doing?" She squeaked when he picked her up bridal style.
"I'm gonna give you all the attention, you greedy bitch." He grinned at her and she could help the smirk that lifted on her lips.
"You took that the wrong way, dumbass." He didn't let her down as he descended the stairs to rejoin the party, even though people were starting to trickle out.
"When the hell did you two get married?" Gray asked when he saw them.
"Just now." Natsu shrugged.
"Did you drug her, Natsu?" Erza asked, but no one could tell if she was joking or not.
"Of course not." Natsu rolled his eyes. "She's just being a whiny bitch."
Lucy huffed and crossed her arms in his arms. "As if, you're just taking shit literally and being stupid about it."
"That's Natsu for you." Levy smiled.
"You guys suck." Natsu pouted as he started walking away. "I'm taking my bride far away from here."
"Oh no." Lisanna sarcastically said. "Bring her back to us, please." She smiled slightly when Lucy gave her the finger from over Natsu's shoulder.
"What did you do to her son?" Igneel asked when Natsu came into the kitchen carrying Lucy.
"What the fuck?" Natsu groaned. "Why can't I just be giving my girlfriend a good time?"
"Because you don't have a girlfriend and you're not nice." Lucy mumbled and he glared down at her.
"I'll fucking drop you."
"Or just put me the fuck down, dildo wiggler."
"You're the one who asked for this." He smirked.
"No the fuck I did not." She grumbled.
Igneel sighed. "Natsu, put her down."
"No!" He growled. "Everyone needs to leave me the fuck alone!"
"God dammit." Lucy mumbled, then smirked when she saw a bunch of presents on the kitchen table. "Hey, Natsu, all your presents are on the table."
"What?" His head whipped around so fast, and in two seconds he was by the table setting Lucy on her feet. "Holy shit, y'all got me stuff?"
"Is it not your birthday?" Gray said as he came into the room. "Cuz I'll gladly take mine back."
"Like hell, ice farts!"
"Ice farts?" Lucy scrunched her eyebrows.
Gray sighed. "It was one time!"
Natsu laughed as he pointed his thumb at him. "Would you believe this guy's farts are cold?"
"How the hell do you know?" She asked.
"He farted on my face one time and it was like someone stuck my head in the fridge."
"Really?" Lucy stared at Gray in awe. "Will you fart on me?"
Natsu's jaw dropped while Gray blanched. "What the fuck is wrong with you? I'm out."
"The real question is what's wrong with your intestinal organs!" She shouted as he walked away. "You should really get that checked out!" She sighed when she heard the front door open and close. "Whatever." Looking back at Natsu, he was looking at her like she was insane. "What?"
He suddenly held up two fingers. "Two rules. Two god damn motherfucking rules. Don't fuck my dad." Igneel choked on his beer. "And don't get Gray to fart on you."
"But what if it just slips out one day?" She innocently asked.
"Why the fuck would his ass ever be near you?" Natsu flailed his arms about.
"It could be a life and death situation."
"Nladledla no!" He pointed his finger in her face.
"Fine." She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. "Fun sucker."
"Don't care." He mumbled before he turned to his table full of presents and grinned. "Ah, they're fucking beautiful."
"Don't forget to thank everyone, son." Igneel said from his perch behind the counter.
Natsu waved his hand. "Mostly everyone already left."
"Damn that was quick." Igneel mumbled.
"It's been like six hours." Lucy blandly informed him.
"Oh..."
"Thanks for coming!" Natsu waved as the last guests left, shutting the door behind them. He sighed happily as he made his way back into the kitchen. He couldn't remember having a better birthday, maybe it was because Lucy was there... maybe. "Oi! What the fuck are you doing?!"
She froze, her hand in mid air as one of his present's ribbon came undone. "It was just one ribbon."
"Chill out, kleptomaniac." He grumbled as he sat down. "It's not like you don't have one."
"Huh?" She stared at him dumbly.
"Oh right. Dad, give her the thing." He grinned.
"Oh my god." She practically drooled on the table as his hot dad strode towards her. "Fuck, yes. Please. Ow!" She rubbed the back of her head when Natsu smacked it.
"It's not that, you fucking pervert!"
Igneel rolled his eyes and put a small box in front of her. "Enjoy."
"Is this from you?" Her eyes almost bugged out of her head.
"Well, it was my idea." Natsu grinned.
"You know you're not supposed to give other people gifts on your birthday, right?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Pfft. What the fuck ever." Natsu crossed his arms. "I can get my unicorn whatever the fuck I want whenever the fuck I want."
She smiled at him, she wasn't gonna argue with that. "Thank you, both."
"You're welcome, Lucy." Igneel smiled before he chugged his beer.
"Open it already, damn."
"Alright, alright." She relented, gasping when she opened the box. "Are you fucking serious?" She pulled out a pretty cool looking phone.
"Both of our numbers are already on there." Natsu said. "In case we need to reach you, or you need to reach me... ya know." His eyes went wide when she smashed her lips against his.
"Thank you." She smiled when she pulled away, then got up to hug Igneel. "You too."
He patted her head with a chuckle. "No problem, kiddo."
"I know you wanna keep tabs on me too."she smirked when she say back down. "You're not slick."
He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah. Whatever, dick breath."
"But I can't get mad about it." She smiled as she turned it on. "I'm a fancy ass bitch now."
Natsu chuckled at her before he got up. "Have fun, I gotta go find the cat."
She waved her hand, Igneel silently chuckling at the two. "I don't need your attention anymore."
"That's fucked up!" He shouted from the other room and she giggled, instantly downloading a few games. It had been years since she even had a flip phone, this shit was crazy. She couldn't deny that it warmed her heart that they got her a phone, now she had a way of contacting someone if she ever got into trouble... or caught. She knocked on the table really quickly at that thought before she delved into her new games.
Natsu walked back in the kitchen with the cat in his arms. "You better not be playing that shit all the time."
She rolled her eyes when she looked at the cat. "Whatever. Your pussy gets stroked more than mine anyways."
Igneel choked and immediately left the room while Natsu stared at her. "Challenge accepted." She bit her lip as his intense eyes bored into hers. She knew she would get punished in a delicious way for what she just said, and she couldn't wait.