Harlee POV

Images flashed in my mind. Conjuring long-dead demons that I had thought long ago banished. Only to resurface at my most vulnerable. Fingers sharpened to blades reaching for me as hateful words echoed around my mind. Malicious laughter chasing me as I tried to escape only to find me in the deepest and darkest corners. Voices taunting me, mocking the cleansing fires of the past. Round and round, it all went like some twisted, macabre display of my gravest, darkest sins. Chasing me out of slumber with a gut-wrenching scream.

I bolted upright, the scream burning my throat, eyes seeing nothing but the torment I endured. The instant I felt hands, I tore away, stumbling, falling, until I felt cold metal at my back. I reached for a weapon and cried out in frustration when I found none. I curled into myself, sobbing, pleading for a quick death at the hands of my tormentors. Forgetting that my tormentors had long since turned to ash. Forgetting that I had risen from those same ashes, born anew.

I don't know how long I waited for the blood to begin flowing, slicking me down, and coating me in ebony. I don't know how long I waited for that final stroke that would cease my erratically beating heart. I don't know how long I waited for that cleansing fire to carry me away finally.

But the wait had turned my sobs to painful silence. My throat raw and aching. The wait had deafened my ears from the mocking tones of the past. The wait had brought a voice that breached and crested the wall of blades and blood and pain. A voice that wrapped itself around me as I fearfully huddled in that deep, dark corner of my mind. Comforting, soothing, calling me out of the darkness. The wait had brought a touch that no longer felt like slicing blades. A touch of warmth. A touch of solace. A touch of peace. A touch of reality.

I gathered the remnants of my tattered courage and slowly lifted my head. Through teary eyes, I met the face of my Valkyrie, and I nearly wept again. Only this time in relief, thinking everything was finally over and done with. That I could live in peace until Odin called me to his side.

Then reality further intruded as pain radiated from my stomach, and I became aware of the pain in my throat. I grimaced and tucked my head back down as I breathed through the waves of pain. Anger flaring as recent memories resurfaced, and I ground my teeth in resentment. Bitterness grew, and ignoring the pain and everything around me, I shoved against the floor and walls until I was standing. I checked to see if I had my knives, I found I had neither nor my boots.

"Where are my knives and boots," I growled out, intent on removing myself from these Sky children.

"Harlee, wait a minute," my Valkyrie's voice pleaded with me.

I spun on her, glaring darkly, "Where. Are. My. Knives. False One."

Raven took an involuntary step back at my tone, and I took a threatening step forward. Only to be blocked by Wells. He visibly swallowed in fear as I turned my deadly gaze on him, but he stood his ground and did not back down.

"Harlee, you need to take a breath and calm down," Wells said, holding his hands up in surrender.

"What I need is to leave. But I will not do so until my knives and boots are returned to me," I continued to growl. "If I have to ask again, the keeper of death will find herself busy."

"Fine," Raven ground out through gritted teeth, glaring at me.

She pulled a knife from her back and slammed it on what had been my bed. She drew another and repeated the gesture. Then she bent down and picked up my boots only to slam them on the bed as well. I glared at both of them, daring them to try anything as I reached for them. Sheathing the knives in quick moves before grabbing my boots and storming out of the dropship without another word.

Anybody caught in my path, quickly backed out of the way. A part of me reveling in seeing their fear. They would learn what all the clans knew, and I would be free of their needy pull. The moment I entered the hut, I stopped and pulled on my boots, not even tying them properly. Then I was out the hidden entrance and striding away, whistling to alert my guard to follow.

I walked until I came to a clearing that held a single tent. Seeing it, I felt relieved, and I strode quickly inside. There, I stopped in the middle, staring at the small brazier that filled the meeting area with light. My thoughts swirling as an old mantra filled my head. I walked over to it in a daze, lifting my hand over the flame as I contemplated finishing something from long ago.

But the flames flickered as a breeze wafted across, breaking my daze. I blinked and turned to see Deke standing near the entrance. Wordlessly, I walked over to him, and he opened his arms wide. I choked out a sob as I fell into his waiting embrace. I sobbed as he comforted me in words of an ancient tongue that had ceased to exist long before Praimfaya. When my sobs had quieted, did he finally speak.

"Does the Flame still call ya, strikon," Deke softly spoke as he continued to hold me.

I moved my head until I could hear the sound of his steady heart and answered, "The Pyres call, Deke. They are like a Siren's Call. Promising to free me from my pain. I am shackled once more by my heart's betrayal. The Pyre and its cleansing fire my only recourse unless I wish to bathe a field in blood."

"You speak folly, strikon," Deke's voice rumbled. "'Tis Fear that causes you to speak so. What brings this madness?"

I sighed and reluctantly left his arms to sit at the throne of iron and wood. My throne. I gather strength from its solid form before I turn a tired gaze to Deke and speak.

"I find myself endeared by these children, Deke," I said slowly. "Their stories are an echo of mine. Tossed and bullied by those who speak of care yet with Loki's treachery use them. They are nothing more than canaries in mines and rats in labs. To be used and tossed aside once their worth is expended. They are naught but lost souls."

"And we are the Sanctuary of Lost Souls," Deke knowingly replied. "And the boy who harmed you so?"

"A coward compared to the children he proclaimed to lead. His only saving grace is the love he has for his sister. But it will not save him. Nor his knowledge that would be of great interest to the man he tried to kill."

"Did he share his knowledge?"

I smirked, "My persuasive skills may not have stopped his blade, but I did learn the name of the man who used him. If he does not wake, I will inform them upon my return."

"Would you so blindly entrust these children with such knowledge," Deke frowned.

"There is no choice. That knowledge has no worth to our cause. As such, they are now able to commune with their leaders in the Sky. If they can return, the value of the children changes."

"You mean to make them hostages?"

I nodded, "That is one use. Another is to turn them. Some have proven to be knowledgeable and eager, while the rest need to be tested and weeded. I cannot do that within the camp."

"And to remove them from Trikru land would cause an uproar among the Ambassadors," Deke thought out.

"They will cause an uproar if anything is decided besides bloodshed," I replied. "Unless they accomplish something extraordinary."

"Maun-de?"

I nodded, "These Sky Fallen are like the Maunon and us, but more like the Maunon. If I can figure out how to use them, it could solve two situations. But before any actions can be taken, I must learn of any impending arrivals. It would be best if we can convince them to delay for as long as possible."

"Shall I inform Heda," Deke asked.

"And seek her opinion on turning them. Let her know that many need to be tested," I replied.

"Then I shall do so immediately," Deke bowed and turned to leave.

"Deke," I called out, halting him. "Thank you."

Knowing that I meant more than sending the request, he looked over his shoulder at me and replied, "I am honored that you trust me so, Heda."

I swallowed a lump that had formed in my throat and waved a hand dismissing him. He bowed his head and slipped through the tent flaps, leaving me alone. I had barely begun to contemplate our conversation when Riders entered carrying steaming buckets and a large tub. I watched silently as they came and left without a word. Then sighed and stood up when the last one came carrying a pile of clothes and a bag.

"Ben," I greeted the man and followed him into the private quarters of the tent. "I am surprised you waited so long."

The man laid the clothes and bag on the cot and turned to me, "Strip, Lee."

I rolled my eyes, having already begun doing so, "You're mad."

"You sent Avil away to guide a goufa through the woods," Ben stated, glaring at me.

"Necessary to keep the illusion," I pointed out as I stripped off my shirt. "It would have caused too many questions to send her into the woods only to come back and find me treated. And I knew about the medkit Avil snuck into my bag at your insistence."

Finally nude, Ben approached and began unwinding the bandage around my stomach, "And it was a good thing too. Otherwise, we would have razed this camp to the ground."

"I know," I grumbled. "But the men will have their blood even if I have to spirit the boy away myself."

"That is not the point," Ben replied, poking me around the edges of the wound and making me hiss in pain. "You have grown lax. Reckless."

"I needed a way to meet their fisa," I huffed, glaring at him. "Their fisa also happens to be a leader."

"So, you chose a natripa to gain entrance. Folly. Foolhardy."

"It was better than a damn boar. I would have had to take it out and its mate. Natripas are far easier."

Ben sighed, "At least this fisa is worth her salt. She shows a steady hand, and I can see no complaints in her treatment of your injuries."

I looked at him in interest, "So, would you contest that her knowledge is comparable to yours?"

"In basic treatment, I would say yes," Ben agreed. "Without further questioning or observation, I cannot attest to her level of skill."

"I can work with that," I said as I gazed at the tent walls. "They do not know plants. What they do have, they are basing it off centuries-old information."

"Can you blame them," Ben said as he started washing me. "The plants mutated, Lee. They can't exactly know into what having been stuck in the Sky for centuries. From the conversations with the twins and the girl, Sharlot, they retained almost all of the Old World. Only ridding themselves of things they felt unnecessary to their survival."

"How is retaining knowledge of dead governments and other drivel necessary to the survival of humanity," I incredulously asked. "Knowing how to build sewage systems, aqueducts, farming, mining, homes. Those are things that should be retained and taught until their arrival. Not reading the Bronte Sisters and who won what war a millennia ago."

"You know what the archives say about those who fled Earth before Praimfaya. They were the rich and influential. The brightest minds of their generations. What they thought was important to remember was different from the common man," Ben chided.

"I know. I know," I said in frustration. "But it makes them so…alien, Ben. If Heda cannot find any common ground with them or if they refuse to submit to her rule and compromise, we will have no choice but to remove them to the Wastelands by force. The loss of lives and possible destruction could be devastating. And we do not need a second Maun-de."

"Then let us hope these people of the Ark are wise enough to bend to reality," Ben said as he rinsed me off. "There. Now, you smell less like a slaughterhouse."

I rolled my eyes at him, "I immensely apologize, Ben, if my stench afflicted your sensitive nose. How do you think I feel being around so many unwashed bodies? They have nothing, remember?"

"That does not mean that you can forget about your own hygiene, Lee," Ben chastised me. "Just because you must live among the pigs does not mean you have to become one."

"I do if I want to be mistaken and accepted by them," I huffed in annoyance. "Can you hurry up? I don't know how much time they'll give me before Clarke comes wanting to change my bandages."

"I'm almost done, Wocha," Ben replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "You would think your impatience was due to a chit than maintaining an illusion."

I felt a blush burn across my chest, and then memories slammed into me as shame filled me. If I wanted anything with Raven, even friendship, I would have to apologize and make it right with her. I just wasn't sure that I could even admit to the cause of my behavior.

Ben had noticed my sudden silence and went to lay a hand on my shoulder, but I flinched away. I blinked the memories that threatened to resurface elsewhere.

I strode to where my clean clothes lay and began dressing, "I'm sorry, Ben."

"No, Lee, that was my fault," Ben hastily replied. "I heard the scream from the trees. I should have remembered."

"No, Ben," I sighed and turned back to him. "The fault lies with me and only me. I just…"

I groaned in frustration about my inability to voice my pain and turned back to finish dressing.

"You don't have to explain it to me, Lee," Ben said, moving to the far side of the cot where his bag lay. "I know how you are after such an episode. I've prepared the tonic for you. It's enough to get you through the next few days."

"Thank you," I gratefully replied while hating that I needed such a thing.

"Maybe this is a good thing, Lee," Ben hesitantly spoke, glancing at me. "Maybe these children can help you lay your demons to rest finally. Since you find so much in common with them."

"I don't know, Ben," I said as I sat down to pull on my boots.

"Give it some thought, Lee," Ben said, placing the skin filled with tonic and another beside it. "If anyone deserves peace before the final Pyre, it's you."

A tear fell from my eye as I stopped and looked at him, "I'll give it thought. Thank you, Ben."

"You are our Heda, Lee," Ben said with an understanding smile. "You have sacrificed much to bring and keep peace among the clans. Though the annals may label you for eternity as a monster, your people know the truth. And Love you for it. Heda Leksa would not be as loved if she did not have you bearing the people's hate and fear."

I stood up before him, "I am Wuskripa, Ben. Leading an army of Trikovakripas (Shadow Demons). Fear and Death is all I will ever bring. I am not meant for Love."

"That is where you are wrong," Ben adamantly replied. "You, Harlee, are Trikova Heda. Ruler of Trikovakru and Commanding General of the Trikovahosas (Shadow Riders). You keep the peace. You are beloved by your subjects and gonas. You are so deserving of Love and more. Do not reject it out of Fear."

I sighed and pulled Ben into a hug, which he gladly returned.

"I wish I could believe that, Ben. I really do," I whispered, feeling tears build in my eyes once more.

"One day you will, old friend. We will keep telling you this until you do," he replied.

I nodded and released him. Turning to pick up the two skins, I said, "I must return. Thank you for this, Ben."

"I am your fisa, Lee," Ben scoffed. "If I were not, you would have surely died a thousand times by now."

I laughed, though it pained me to do so, "And I shall probably nearly die a thousand times before the final Pyre. If only so you do not grow bored."

"Do not tease me so, Lee. I would think you were courting me," Ben teased as the heavy moment dissipated.

I snorted and started walking out of the tent, Ben following me.

"Your backside is not pleasing enough for me to ever consider courting you, Ben."

"You wound me, Lee. Plenty have appreciated my backside."

"But not as many as those who appreciate all of me," I said in parting.

"Is that what those sounds were," Ben cheekily replied. "I thought it was a natripa dying."

I snorted and bowed my head in defeat, "I am too tired to counter that, Ben. I admit defeat and bow to your witty superiority."

"I graciously accept your surrender, Lee. Make sure the fisa removes your stitches in three days if I do not see you before."

"Sha, fisa," I called back over my shoulder before I melted into the woods around me.

Walking back to the camp, I felt somewhat lighter. Deke and Ben's support and reassurances had been much needed. Their words were a balm for my tattered mind. When I returned, I knew what I had to do. I just hoped that what I could openly give would be enough to begin to mend what I inevitably broke between Raven and me.

I examined the two skins in my hand. One was the color of green leaves, and I knew that was the tonic Ben had prepared for me. The other was plain, but when I pulled the stopper out and the fumes reached my nose, I grinned, knowing what it was. One of my favorite drinks. A honey mead our priests made back home. I took a long draught, sighing in satisfaction as the smooth liquid burned down my throat and brought an immediate pleasantness to my surroundings. Knowing I hadn't eaten in nearly two days, I reluctantly stoppered the skin and tried to ignore its weight in my hand.

I slowed down when the wall came into view. Gathering what courage I had around me like armor. It felt like I was readying myself to do battle with fifty of Azgeda's elite gonas by myself. Not apologizing to a young woman that had captivated me the moment I laid eyes upon her. Except that was exactly why I suddenly felt stricken by nerves making me stop in front of the hidden entrance.

I would rather battle all of Azgeda than what I was preparing myself for. I did not feel ready to bare a shard of my broken spirit. To risk it shattering even more by exposing it. But I knew I must. If only to find peace with my actions and relearn to live with the pain once more. Taking a deep breath, I let it out slowly and opened the hidden entrance.

I froze, not expecting to find anyone standing in the middle of the hut, clearly waiting for me. But I swallowed the fear of someone discovering the entrance and stepped through. Neither one of us said anything as I closed it up. Nor when I turned and tossed the skins onto my bedroll. I didn't know what to say or how to explain the entrance, but I was saved the trouble.

Octavia broke first and moved in front of me quickly. Before I could react, she had wrapped me in a hug. I stood stock-still, warring with myself not to attack, but then I felt her shudder. I immediately wrapped my arms around her, and that seemed to loosen something within her.

"I'm so, so sorry," Octavia sobbed into my chest. "I never thought Bellamy would be capable of doing something like this."

Confused, I furrowed my brows, "You know?"

Octavia nodded, still buried in my chest, "This isn't him. This isn't the brother that raised me. I don't know who this is. I didn't think he'd get this mad for taking me outside the camp and seeing Grounders."

Things began to fall in place, and I realized that Octavia hadn't spoken to Clarke, Raven, or Bellamy.

"Octavia," I gently spoke. "That's not why he tried to kill me. I mean, we talked about that, and I think we had made peace. But that isn't why."

Octavia sniffed and looked up at me, "It's not?"

"No," I shook my head and then gestured with it to my bedroll. "Let's sit down. There's a lot you may not know, and it is best if we are sitting to talk about it."

"O-okay," she stuttered, and I guided her over.

I moved the skins to the side and leaned against the wall, easing the pain in my stomach. Octavia sat down a couple of feet from me, wiping her face of the tears that had fallen. I took a moment to regard her, and I noticed a few things. She was far dirtier than the last time I had seen her, with healing cuts and a few bruises on her face. Her pants were torn, and I thought I saw a healing gash on her knee.

I took a breath and began, "I don't know if he told you, but to get on the dropship, Bellamy agreed to do something."

"I know," Octavia interrupted. "He shot Jaha. Killed him. It wasn't something that I'd ever ask him to do."

I nodded, "Yes, he shot Jaha. But the man did not die. Clarke's mother was able to save him. But that does not absolve him of his crime. Bellamy still tried to kill him. The night the pod fell, I left to investigate. I suppose Bellamy did the same after convincing others to remain in camp. I arrived before him and found a girl and a radio. Her name is Raven Reyes, and she had been sent down on purpose. Clarke's mother arranged it all because of the bands being taken off and because the Council was about to cull three hundred people."

"What?!" Octavia exploded. "Are you fucking kidding me?!"

I shook my head, "I am afraid not. I had intended to delay the communication. I wanted to bring the radio back and let the group decide if we spoke with them or not, but when Raven told me what they were planning…I felt like I had no choice. I could not allow innocents to be murdered to save the Council. So, I allowed Raven to contact the Ark. We found out that Clarke's mother had been arrested for her part in sending Raven down. Then I spoke briefly with Jaha, explaining that we were alive and that there were people here besides us. And I warned him that if he did not want to face war immediately upon arrival, he should begin to think about how to approach the Grounders peacefully."

Octavia nodded, "That was the right decision to make. I would have made the same choice, and you know how I feel about the Ark."

I gave her a small smile, "Thank you. Anyway, Raven disconnected the radio, and we were getting ready to leave when I heard someone crashing through the underbrush. Not knowing who it was, I had Raven hide in the pod with the radio and gave her one of my knives for protection. It was Bellamy. We had a long conversation where we discussed you and what he did. I thought I had convinced him of a better alternative than destroying the radio and possibly killing the people of the Ark. But I was wrong. When we neared the pod, he attacked me. He meant to stab me in the back, but I had heard him and turned around. I wasn't swift enough to prevent him from stabbing me. I tried to fight him anyway, but Bellamy knocked me against the pod and dazed me."

"Oh My God," Octavia exclaimed, covering her mouth as her face morphed into horror.

"I heard him open the hatch and his cry of pain as they fell out," I continued. "Raven had stabbed him, but instead of running as I told her to do, she turned back to the pod. I think she was planning on grabbing the radio. Bellamy had gotten back up and grabbed her, throwing her to the ground. He began to kick her. By that time, I had been able to stand, and before he could kick her a third time, I hit him in the head with a rock. We both went down. Raven treated me enough to slow the bleeding and then ran for help. The next thing I know, I'm waking up in the dropship."

"Is he alive? Where is he," Octavia demanded, fury radiating off her.

I reached over and laid a hand on her knee, surprised that it seemed to settle her. Truthfully, I told her, "I don't know. I do not think I hit him hard enough to kill him, but injuries to the head can be risky. Octavia, if you did not know all that happened, how did you know Bellamy attacked me?"

Octavia blushed, and gestured to the side making me look to see only the skins, "Probably the same way you got those."

I looked back at her in confusion because neither Deke nor Ben had mentioned conversing with Octavia. Ben had only mentioned speaking with Charlotte.

"I am sorry, Octavia, but I do not understand what those skins have to do with how you knew," I truthfully told her.

"Will you be truthful and tell me where you got them," Octavia asked. "Where were you?"

"I was walking in the forest," I told her, still confused. "I woke up from a nightmare and was still in the middle of it when Raven and Wells tried to calm me down. I did not react well to their help and stormed out. The forest helps calm me, and while I was out. I ran into a friend, and he gave me those skins."

Octavia had a look of triumph on her face, "Would your friend's name happen to be Lincoln, by chance?"

My reaction was instant. I had Octavia pinned to the ground and a knife at her throat. Her eyes widened in fear as I growled out, "How do you know that name?"

Octavia swallowed a few times, the knife digging into her skin but not piercing it, "I guess it's my turn at storytime, huh? Can you let me up, and I'll explain?"

I thought it over, weighing what still needed to be done before finally relenting and getting off her. I still held onto the knife as I glared at her.

"Explain."

Octavia rubbed her neck as she nervously eyed the knife, "The last time we saw each other was when I got into that fight with Bellamy, right? The night the pod came down."

"That is the last time I remember seeing you."

"Right. Well, when we all saw the pod come down, Bellamy met with his boys to discuss where it had landed and when to head out. Bellamy ordered that no one was to leave camp until morning, but something didn't sit right with me. So, I watched him and then followed him when he snuck out of camp. I caught up with him around dawn, and we had another fight. He told me what he did and then said he'd take care of it. I was so mad at him for using me as an excuse for what he did that I stormed off. Well, I wasn't paying attention and got lost. When I was trying to figure out where I was, I heard a noise and thought something was coming after me. So, I ran, tripped, and fell down a ravine. I hit a rock on the way down and busted my knee. When I came to a stop, I hit my head and knocked myself out.

I kinda, sorta came around sometime later, and thought I saw someone over me, but blacked out again. When I came to, I found myself in a dark cave. I couldn't see much of anything, but when I tried to stand up, my knee gave out. While I was trying to figure out what to do, this big man came in wearing armor, and his face was painted. He had a red hot knife in his hand. I thought he was going to kill me, and I tried to fight him off. I was begging him not to hurt me, but he ignored me, held me down, and put the knife to my knee. I passed out from the pain. When I woke again, I found myself alone in the cave. I realized that he had fixed my knee, but I still needed to get out, you know. He had blocked the entrance, but I found a loose rock that happened to block a hole just big enough for me to get through. I escaped, but he caught me and took me back. He chained me up and left me again.

It was when he came back a third time, that I realized that maybe we were wrong to fear the Grounders. I mean, after our little run-in, I could see that they weren't all the same. Anyway, he looked really upset when he came back. So, I point-blank asked him what was wrong. I hadn't thought he even knew English, but he looked straight at me. Like he was deciding something. He decided, started a fire, and with drawings, and a lot of gestures, he told me. He had this little book on him. It had pictures of the dropship, me, Bellamy, Clarke, and you. But you looked different than we did, and there was a symbol on the corner of the page."

I knew then that Lincoln had drawn me in my armor and wearing my braids. The symbol must have been the protection rune I had drawn when we had talked. I didn't mention any of that, simply nodded at her to continue.

Octavia continued, "From what I could make out, you and Lincoln met and struck up an agreement or friendship."

"He's a friend," I said when she paused like she was waiting for confirmation.

Octavia nodded, "Right. So, through the drawings and ridiculous hand gestures and broken English, he told me that Bellamy had attacked you and that you were hurt badly. Lincoln mimed getting stabbed in the stomach and passing out. I wanted to leave right then, but he told me it wasn't safe. That I had to wait. I agreed, and we spent that time talking. Lincoln told me his people's name and a few other words in his language. He told me that Mount Weather was a bad place, showing me pictures of men in weird suits and these creatures that he called Reapers. And I think he told me that his people were afraid that we are like the people in Mount Weather. Then when it was safe, he brought me back as close as he could, and I came straight here."

I sighed and sat there as I thought about how to use this to my advantage. It wasn't great that Lincoln had defied orders when he rescued and treated Octavia. Then kept her against her will, but I couldn't fault him for it either. He was only following what his heart and soul demanded. To keep an innocent safe. One that he had seen me interacting with. But it still didn't mean that he would be safe from punishment. I'm sure that by now, Anya had caught wind of what he did and was planning on reprimanding him for his defiance. I couldn't step in without compromising my own relationship with Lincoln. I couldn't show him favor.

And now, with Deke's message to Heda, Lexa would most likely want a meeting with these children's leaders. If nothing else than to confirm my assessment that the children are not a threat. Hopefully, with the wording of using them as possible hostages, Lexa would infer that I felt the rest of their people might be. The next few days were going to be critical. I knew once that radio was connected, Clarke would be speaking with their Council and coordinating landings. I needed to stay and make sure that they understood that they couldn't approach their arrivals as if they were entitled to the land. That the land already belonged to somebody and that they would have to gain permission to stay. I also needed to figure out a way to make it known that if they wanted to stay, they needed to prove themselves useful. That they wouldn't be a drain on resources. And that under no condition should they align with Mount Weather. Not unless they wanted a war on their hands.

But with Octavia's connection with Lincoln, I could use that to explain a bit of our culture and the leadership. I also knew that Octavia wouldn't be able to stay quiet about meeting Lincoln. I could also use them as a means to set up the meeting when Heda finally decides on when or if she's decided on something else. Until there was a decision, my hawks would be busy relaying messages between Heda and me.

I jumped, and my hand tightened on the knife when I felt a touch on my knee. I looked up to find Octavia worriedly looking at me.

I cleared my throat and tried to smile, "Sorry. I was thinking."

Octavia nodded and stretched her injured knee out, leaning back on her hands, "I didn't think my story would get such a reaction."

"It's not the story itself, it's the implications," I told her. "When I met Lincoln, and we agreed on an arrangement to teach me how to survive, the one thing we both knew for certain was that it had to remain a secret. We both knew that neither his people nor ours would react well. Well, Bellamy wouldn't react well, and he's impulsive and would have done something stupid."

Octavia grimaced, "Yeah, he would've. What's going to happen to him?"

"Bellamy?"

Octavia nodded, and I sighed, "I honestly don't know. The decision isn't up to me, Octavia. If it were up to me, I'd string him up to a post and cut into him until he died."

Octavia blanched, "That's…that's way harsh, Harlee. And specific."

I nodded and shrugged, "I was dying, Octavia. If I hadn't stopped him, Bellamy would have beaten Raven and left her for dead. We'd both be dead. And he would've destroyed the radio, killing who knows how many in the process. He would've maybe felt guilty, but he would have thought it necessary just because he wanted to save himself. Everything he's done since coming down has been for him. Not you. Not the other kids. But for him. He's acted selfish and cowardly."

Octavia sighed and looked up at the parachute ceiling in thought, then dropped her head to stare soberly at me, "When we got into the fight in the woods, he said that he shot Jaha for me. To protect me. I told him that I never asked him to. That I never asked for any of this. And it was like the fight just left him. He seemed resigned. Then told me he'd take care of it. Even knowing what he did, I still didn't think he was capable of killing someone. Because that's not the brother, I know. The brother I know, wouldn't kill or hurt an innocent, and yet, he tried to. He tried to kill you. He hurt this girl, Raven. That wasn't my brother. That wasn't Bellamy. I don't know who that was, but it wasn't him."

I slid my knife back into place and sat for a minute, looking at my hands. Instinctively flexing my right as I watched the faint scars ripple across the muscles. I thought about everything I'd done throughout my life. The fights, the battles, the wars. The countless lives I had taken, and the numerous I had saved. None of that bothered me. I didn't lose sleep at night because of them. Each life taken was because there was no other recourse. Every other attempt to end it peacefully had failed. So, I respected those deaths. Honored them.

But it was the first two lives I ever took that haunted me to this day. Two that were the most deserving of death because of the pain and suffering they had inflicted on two innocent lives. Two innocents that they had created together. Just because we were different from their expectations. Yet, it was the deaths of my parents by my hand that caused me the most torment.

I licked my lips and still looking at my hands, I quietly spoke, "Every living thing has the potential to kill, Octavia. And there are times that we, as humans, have no choice but to kill. Either to feed ourselves and others or to protect ourselves and others. But what Bellamy did wasn't in a life or death situation. There were still alternatives. Better alternatives. He let fear dictate what he did. Because he was afraid to face the consequences of his actions. Now, though, he has no choice but to face what he did. But it's not up to me to make that decision. I'm not the leader of this camp. The only thing that I will make sure of is that he is punished and that it fits the crime."

I took a breath and reached out to Octavia, taking a hand in mine, and took her chin so that she had no choice but to look at me, and said, "But there is something I want you to remember. Something that you need to believe with absolutely everything in you. Whatever happens. It's not your fault. You weren't the one that gave him the gun. You weren't the one who pulled that trigger. You weren't the one who plunged the knife into me. You weren't the one who kicked Raven. That was all Bellamy. It has always been Bellamy. The others will most likely treat you differently just because you are related to him. It's inevitable. But there are others here who will support you and stand by your side because we know that you are not him. That what he's done doesn't reflect who you are. Do you understand, Octavia? You are not him."

I let her head go and watched her intently as she seemed to war within herself. Then tears began to fall down her face. And that broke something inside of me so, I tugged her hand, and she crawled onto my lap, hugging me and crying into my chest. I just held her, soothing and comforting her as much as I could. I realized that no one had ever done this for her. Shown her unconditional support. She was known as the girl under the floor or Bellamy's sister or the Sister. But no one had ever said to her that they see her. That they see Octavia as a person. I knew what that was like. I lived that every day I wasn't home. But Deke and Ben reminded me that I wasn't the person the clans saw. That was just a mask I wore. They reminded me that I was more. That they saw me. They saw Harlee.

So, like the comfort and support they had just given me, I, in return, gave to Octavia. Because like me, Octavia had been forgotten amongst the masks she was forced to wear.