-E-
It takes her approximately four seconds to get her shit together and rush over to his side, still choking on her own disbelief.
"Killian?"
He chuckles weakly, face contorting a little in pain. "Your one and only. Hopefully."
She wants to run her hands all over him to make sure he's real in front of her, wants to pull him into a hug and feel his heartbeat against her ear, but the nurse adjusting his IV drip is watching them like a hawk so she settles on gently cupping his face and giving him a chaste kiss. His lips are chapped and when the back of his hand brushes along her cheek, she can feel the IVs and the plastic of the pulse oximeter on his finger but it's perfect in every way. Especially when she reaches for his hand and his fingers lace with hers on their own accord, squeezing back when Emma lets out a watery laugh, gazing into his impossibly blue eyes until her vision blurs with tears. Then she's kissing every inch of his face, feeling the gasp of breath he draws on his own, her lips marking each muscle on his face that moves with his smile until he turns his head and captures her lips with his again.
Emma can feel him getting weaker and she knows he's about to pass out again; the doctors had warned them about the short bursts of consciousness that will gradually get longer and longer until he's completely weaned off the drugs, so she tears her lips away from his, pulling away just far enough so the tips of their noses are still touching. She's faintly aware that the nurse has left the room, giving them their privacy.
"Killian, there's something I need to tell you."
"Aye, love?" He lifts his eyebrows which must take a lot of effort because he looks like he's really struggling to stay awake.
"I- I love you."
Killian smiles, his eyes finally fluttering shut, "Say it again."
"I love you, Lieutenant Killian Jones."
By the time she pulls her lips from his, he's out again, but there's still a trace of a smile on his lips and she smiles, knocking her forehead gently against his.
"Emma!" Elsa hurries in and judging by the leation in her voice, she's already heard the good news.
"He's awake, Els." Emma says, swiping at her tears. Elsa looks a little disappointed for a second when she sees Killian's sleeping form, "Well, he was. He just fell back asleep." She amends.
"The lieutenant started regaining consciousness this morning. We took him off the ventilator just before visiting hours started and we were going to call, but we figured you might want to see the surprise for yourself." Dr. Blue explains as she enters the room, "We'll continue running more tests as he stays awake for longer periods of time, but so far, his neuro tests have us quite optimistic for a full recovery."
"And his hand?"
Blue nods, "We'll also need to run tests and scans now when he is fully conscious. He's also going to be in some pain for a while, so we'll give him a PCA pump to manage his pain relief. Please make sure he utilizes it. We want him well-rested and comfortable so he can focus on healing." Blue adds, somewhat wryly and Emma and Elsa exchange a look, knowing Killian is the type to tough it out if he can.
Blue excuses herself and Elsa wastes no time in turning to Emma, "About the other surprise this morning…"
Emma just nods for her to continue, knowing Will filled her in on most of the details regarding her history with the Golds.
"He's back because apparently Mr. Gold had a heart attack last night. And before you ask, I told the nurses to continue regulating the visitors as usual so we don't have any more surprises."
"Thanks, Elsa." Emma says quietly. She sighs, stepping away from Killian's bedside to pull up a chair, watching Elsa do the same after shedding her coat and bag, "What the hell is he really doing back here?" She wonders aloud and Elsa must sense it's a rhetorical question because she stays silent for a few more seconds.
"He said he wants to talk to you."
Emma scoffs, "Of course he does."
Thankfully, (and much to Nurse Ratched's consternation) a steady stream of pre-approved visitors keeps Emma's mind off Neal's sudden appearance back in Storybrooke, mostly consisting of firemen and their families, the Scarlets and Emma's family, all coming throughout the day. Killian's not awake for most of the visits, but the sight of him breathing peacefully on his own is enough to raise everyone's spirits. Much to Emma's relief, the firemen and the deputies come in the morning, when Killian is still sleeping so he doesn't get a chance to ask about the fire or the kid. She's still not sure he is strong enough to take in the fact that his "accident" is more of a result of a targeted arson.
Around noon, the residents take Killian away to run more scans and Elsa convinces Emma to go down to the cafeteria and eat the food Ashley just dropped off.
It's really no surprise when she sees Neal approaching them out of the corner of her eye.
Elsa stands as soon as she spots Neal as well, bodily blocking him from reaching Emma, with her arms crossed and her spine so rigid she may as well be frozen herself.
"It's okay, Elsa." Emma sighs, "He won't stop until I talk to him." She stands as well, her mind made up after the brief talk her mother pulled her aside for after visiting Killian. "You." She focuses her eyes on Neal, setting her face into what she hopes is a strong and unwavering look, "You get two minutes to talk. Not here. Up in the ICU waiting room." She says in an icy tone that she thinks will make Elsa proud, "And bring coffee. Not that cheap, nasty kind from the machine. I want the good kind, the kind they keep in the carafes here in the cafeteria."
Neal just nods, rocking back and forth on his heels, hands stuffed in his pockets in a stance so achingly familiar, his sheepish look complete unchanged in all the years he's been gone.
"I'll be back," Emma murmurs to Elsa before spinning on her heel and marching out of the cafeteria.
Up in the small waiting room, Emma takes a moment to compose herself, opting to sit rather than stand, hoping it will make her appear more in control and not like she's about to start shaking like a leaf.
"Are we up here so you can punch me out and get me medical attention immediately after?" Neal grins from the doorway, but his eyes are wary. He's testing the waters.
Emma accepts the coffee from him when he walks over and holds it out to her. "We're here because it's more private than the cafeteria where people would be gawking at us and forming more rumors to spread around town." She says in a clipped tone, waiting with faint approval when he has the sense to sit across from her rather than claim a chair right next to her.
Neal grimaces, ducking his head and she can practically feel the waves of guilt rolling off him.
"Talk."
"Emma, I'm so sorry."
"Yeah, I bet you are."
He frowns, studying the coffee in his hands before looking up at her, "I shouldn't have ran."
"No, you shouldn't have." She takes a sip. It's good- hot, rich and bought with Neal's overwhelming sense of regret.
Neal sighs, dropping his head again, his elbows resting on his knees, "Are you going to ask me why?"
Emma scrutinizes him. Despite all his familiar mannerisms, he still looks so much older than her memory of him. He looks… more defeated and not just by the fact that his father had a heart attack last night. He's technically home, but he still looks as lost as ever. She's thought a lot over the years about seeing him again, about how the meeting might go, and how she might get closure. She always wondered how she might feel. But right now, all she feels is nothing. And it should shock her, the indifference for him oozing through her veins, but she thinks deep down, she got over him months ago.
Exactly four months ago when a mysterious new fireman walked into her diner, practically dead on his feet from exhaustion and jetlag.
"No, I know why you ran. You were scared."
He pulls his lips between his teeth and nods, "Yeah, I was. I am."
"So why are you back?"
"My father-,"
Emma laughs cruelly, "Oh, spare me. You never gave a damn about him."
Neal looks up. "He's still my dad. My blood. And Belle called and I knew they weren't exactly on the best of terms right now so when I heard her voice, I just…"
"What? Didn't want to live with the guilt of ruining more lives?" Emma knows Neal's still a good guy, he always was, always will be, despite the mistakes that he's made in the past. But that doesn't really stop the past from hurting.
"They caught the ringleader of the drug runners before Christmas, Emma, but I should have come back sooner, I should have come back when your dad-,"
"But you didn't." She heaves a long sigh, "Nothing can change that. You were just a coward. And now you need to live with that. I can't help you anymore. I'm done helping you."
Neal bobs his head dejectedly, "Yeah." He agrees, pressing his lips together before clearing his throat. "Emma, I, uh, I went to visit David as soon as I got back. I wanted to tell you so when you went to see him, you wouldn't be caught off guard by the flowers." He hesitates, fingers fumbling with the lid of his coffee which he still has yet to drink, "There's something else that I wanted you to hear from me first. I'm engaged."
Emma sighs again, looking up to face him. "Neal… Thanks for the coffee." She says, standing. He shoots up to his feet too, clearly not done having this conversation and he steps forward tentatively, holding a hand up to stop her.
"I heard about your boyfriend-,"
"Killian." Emma says sharply, though she's not quite sure why he needs to know Killian's name.
"Killian." Neal amends, lowering his hand to shove back into his pocket, "I was sorry to hear about his accident."
She can tell he means it, looking into his sad brown eyes. She'd always thought that it would be different. That he would be different. But even though she's changed over the years, he's still that same person that she loved long ago, right down to the crinkles in his eyes and penchant for zip hoodies. "Neal," Emma starts, her tone rough and angry, but then she just exhales, her shoulders slumping a little with the release of breath. "I'm just so tired. I'm tired of losing people around me. I'm tired of trying to feel okay about everything. I'm just tired."
She watches as his brows lift, a hopeful look crossing his face but before he can say anything, Emma slips past him, pausing at the doorway to look back, "I hope your dad feels better." She says before walking away.
-/-
"Hey. Welcome back to the world again." Emma leans forward as Killian's eyes begin to open, blinking sluggishly.
"Hello, love." His voice is scratchy so she offers him the cup of water, holding it up to his lips and helping him hold it so he can drink from it. "Here to kiss the living daylights out of me again?" Killian tries to sit up but he must have forgotten his injuries because he winces and groans, his jaw flexing as he tries to sink back down into a comfortable position.
"Try not to move so much. The doctors say you'll be in pain for a while from your broken ribs and your surgeries. But don't worry, they gave you the good stuff." Emma tucks the PCA into his hand but his grip doesn't tighten around it, letting it fall to the bed. She just rolls her eyes at his blatant refusal, trying not to smile at the way he grins cheekily at her like he knows exactly what she's thinking.
"Ah. Must be why it hurts when I laugh." Killian's hand travels to his side, wincing again.
"Here." Emma takes pity on him, helping him arrange the bed so he can sit up at a higher angle, fluffing his pillows as Killian follows her movements with a languid smile and hazy eyes. "You better not be imagining some sort of sexy nurse scenario right now." Emma warns him, avoiding his eyes because she knows the teasing glint in his eyes will break her stern resolve.
"And what if I am?"
Emma narrows her eyes at him, "I have strict orders from the doctor not to let you engage in any strenuous activity for a while so you'll be in big trouble if you have a problem you can't resolve."
Killian closes his eyes and groans but she knows it's mostly just theatrical. There's no way he's able to get it up after being in a week-long coma and with all his injuries...right?
"So," His eyes blink back open and his hand opens, reaching out for her, "You love me, huh?"
"Yeah," Emma smiles softly down at him, letting his warm fingers engulf hers while her other hand reaches instinctively for the ring around her neck, "Something like that."
"And this Neal business? I heard Elsa talking on the phone to Will earlier. I still got one good hand, you know."
"Shh," Emma smoothes her palm down the side of his face, scratching lightly against his beard, "You seem awfully spry for someone who just came out of a coma."
"Me? Not spry? Outrageous." He chuckles again, then winces.
"Hm." Emma leans in to brush her lips against his, taking the opportunity while he's distracted to push the plastic button that lies next to their tangled fingers. "You should sleep, Jones. I'll be here when you wake."
The next time Killian wakes, Dr. Merryweather comes in to perform some tests on Killian's left hand while Emma holds his right hand in both of hers, watching Merryweather's perfectly blank face as she jots down notes and gives them a well-constructed vague promise of recovery in percentages, followed by a speech about hope and faith that Emma's starting to hear a few too many of.
"It's fine. It's still early." Emma repeats soothingly as the doctor leaves the room. Killian just smiles back, though it doesn't reach his eyes, pulling his hand out of hers.
"Aye, Swan. Whatever you say."
She opens her mouth again, but no words come out.
"Love, could you get me some jello, please? The kind with the special medicinal properties."
"You mean the green flavor?"
"Aye, that's the one."
Emma hesitates, tempted to tell him Ruby will be by with dinner soon but he turns his head away, as if dismissing her and she shuts her mouth. "I'll be right back." She says softly, sensing that he needs to be alone to process the news he's just received. When she looks back from the doorway of his room, he's staring at his cast, a brooding expression darkening his features.
The hospital cafeteria is small. Small enough that Emma should have seen the unfamiliar woman approaching her but she doesn't because she's too busy trying to ascertain which bowl of jello has bigger cubes.
"Hi, Emma, right?"
"Oh," Emma jumps, she must really be sleep deprived to be so unaware of her surroundings, or maybe it's all the caffeine that she's been consuming that makes her jittery. "Yeah, that's me."
"I'm Tamara." The woman says brightly, then sensing Emma's confusion, adds, "Neal's…"
"Fiancee, right." Emma finishes, catching a flash of silver on the woman's finger. She pushes her lips into what she hopes is a convincing smile for the woman and for everyone else observing the show in the small cafeteria, "Nice to meet you."
The woman is pretty. Beautiful, even. Long, shiny black hair, smooth chocolate-y skin, a graceful smile. Emma unconsciously tugs on Killian's old Chelsea FC sweatshirt she donned this morning over leggings while she admires Tamara's knee-high leather boots and cashmere sweater.
"I'm sorry, I know this is awkward, but I just had to meet you. You're such a big part of Neal's past and he talks a lot about you."
Emma just continues to smile politely, not wanting to be that girl but they're in the middle of a hospital. Full of people. Do they really need to be doing this right now?
"Oh, how's your boyfriend? I heard he's in the ICU, is he okay?"
"He's fine." Her cheeks are starting to hurt and she's beginning to wish she hadn't sent Elsa back to work and made her stay as her guard dog. And why does 'boyfriend' sound so childish when Tamara says it? "If you'll excuse me, he's actually waiting-,"
Emma quickly pays for her jello and another cup of coffee before making a swift exit from the cafeteria. She wonders briefly as she gets on the elevator (miraculously alone) if she should mention this encounter to Killian but ultimately decides against it. While it would be a sufficient distraction from his injuries, she also doesn't want to agitate him while he's bedridden.
All thoughts about Neal and Tamara leave her mind when she steps off the elevator to the overhead PA echoing "Code Blue, ICU. Code Blue."
Emma barely registers slamming the food down on the nurse's station before she's running down the hall to Killian's room, her heart in her throat as she dodges medical personnel who are also darting around in the hall. He was fine when she left him, but she's heard Blue and the nurses warn her too many times about complications arising from medically induced comas and surgeries-
She skids to a halt outside the familiar room, relief flooding her when she sees it's void of bodies covered in scrubs and white coats but the next instant, when she really gets a chance to look inside has her insides twisting and turning because the room is…
Empty.
The bed is gone, the ventilator and monitors still sit in their spots, the wires and tubes protruding from the machines are hanging uselessly and the chairs are pushed back against the walls. The flowers and gift baskets that sit atop the windowsill and tables are the only other indication that Killian was just here.
"Hey, hey- where is Killian Jones?" Emma grabs a nurse passing by, her tone surprisingly harsh, given how she feels like her knees are about to give out from underneath her. The nurse peers into the room, her brows furrowing.
"Lieutenant Jones should be in here."
"Yeah, so why isn't he?" Emma snaps. The doctors didn't have any more scheduled scans to run today. In fact, they were still waiting for lab results from earlier this afternoon. There should be no reason why Killian is missing.
The nurse scurries back to the desk, Emma following closely behind, waiting impatiently as she checks the computer.
"He's been transferred."
"Where?"
"To a private room on the 3rd floor,"
The nurse barely finishes speaking before Emma takes off down the hall, opting to take the stairs rather than wait for the elevator. Her heart doesn't start beating again until she comes to a stop in front of Killian's new room and sees him chatting with Ruby, who stands at his bedside with a basket dangling from her elbow.
"Hi Emma!" Ruby chirps brightly, "Ooh, are you okay? You don't look too hot."
"They- they didn't tell me they moved you." Emma pants, stepping into the room. She catches Killian's eye, takes in how normal he looks with a healthy complexion and sparkling eyes and she smiles back, her lungs expanding and contracting in a more normal rhythm, despite the turmoil she has just been put through.
Then her gut wrenches.
"Whoa, whoa- Swan? You alright?"
She hears Ruby sternly reprimanding Killian to lay back before she feels her friend sweeping into the bathroom and smoothing the tendrils of hair that have fallen out of her ponytail back behind her ear. Emma takes the glass of water that Ruby holds out to her, gargling and taking a few sips before she accepts the stick of gum being shoved in her face.
When they emerge from the bathroom, Nurse Ratched is pushing Killian back against his pillows as he clutches his side, straining to get a glimpse of her.
"It's not me, I called you to check on Emma-," Killian protests, sinking back into the bed once his eyes land Emma.
"You shouldn't be here if you're sick." The nurse tells her curtly, her eyes narrowed at Emma.
"I'm not sick. I just- I feel much better now. I was probably just something I ate."
"Stay here." The nurse commands to no one in particular, but they freeze in their spots.
Ruby chortles when Nurse Ratched is out of the room, "Geez, Emma, are you pregnant or something?"
Emma's jaw drops as she whips around to her friend, "Ruby!"
"Swan?" Killian reaches his hand out to her and she automatically closes the distance between them, letting him curl his blissfully warm hand around her clammy one. "Are you pregnant?" He asks in a low and serious tone and Emma swallows hard because she doesn't know how to respond when he's looking up at her with hope and such fierce longing that takes her breath away before he catches himself and schools his face into something more neutral.
But it's too late, she's already seen it and it's etched deep into her mind.
Ruby keeps watching them avidly like this is some sort of spectator show and she loves her friend, but there is no way they are doing this in front of an audience.
Nurse Ratched comes to her rescue with Dr. Blue following closely behind, apologies already spewing from her mouth about overeager interns and unapproved transfers in the midst of a coding patient in the ICU. Emma is forced to let go of Killian's hand when the nurse takes her temperature, still eyeing her suspiciously as she shoves a cup of seltzer water and a package of saltines into her hands.
Blue quickly pivots to Emma, taking in her pale complexion with sympathetic eyes, "It's likely the overexhaustion and overabundance of caffeine in your system, combined with a sudden bout of adrenaline. Did you feel lightheaded?"
Emma opens her mouth to answer and Nurse Ratched takes the opportunity to swab her mouth so she nods at Blue with wide eyes. "A little." She says watching the nurse drop the swab into a bag and send it off for testing.
"Well, you don't have a fever, but just try to take it easy okay?"
Emma nods, watching them leave, knowing if she turns around Killian is going to be guilty and broody all over again because he's going to be upset she's overexerting herself trying to take care of him.
"You should go home and get some sleep, love."
Emma turns to give him a sharp look before focusing on Ruby with a much kinder expression, "Could you give us a minute?" Ruby shrugs, and tells them Mary Margaret will be over later to take the basket back to the diner, and bids them farewell.
"You don't get to be all sulky right now. Not when I've been here this whole week holding onto hope and wishing for happy endings and fairytale magic. You know how hard that is for me. And I haven't had a chance to be mad and I really want to be. But I'm waiting. So if I have to wait to be angry, then you have to wait too. Got it?"
Killian raises an eyebrow, "You wish to get angry with me?"
"Well," Emma splutters a little bit, "Yes. But I'm putting that aside because I'm so in love with you it's ridiculous-,"
"It's not ridiculous. It's perfect. It's everything. Bloody hell, it's-." Killian stops, then laughs, wincing immediately after, "I won your heart." He says, a sort of dazed and smug look crossing his face.
Emma shakes her head, trying to swallow her own laugh, "I guess you did… So please be careful with it. And with yourself." She adds firmly, reaching for the PCA but Killian stops her.
"C'mere."
She obliges, lining her nose up next to his, their lips brushing as they smile, simply enjoying existing in each other's space.
"I missed you so much."
"I'm very sorry, my love. I know I promised you I wouldn't leave. I can't imagine what you must have gone through these past days."
Emma squeezes her eyes shut. Even when he's the one in the hospital bed, he's worried about her well-being and peace of mind. "But you survived. You're a survivor."
"Aye." He tilts his head forward, touching his chapped lips to hers and she flinches.
"I just threw up. And I'm chewing gum."
"I don't care."
A knock on the door breaks them out of their moment and Emma straightens up to see the Scarlets standing eagerly in the doorway, Mr. Scarlet with his eyes politely averted and Mrs. Scarlet with her palms over her heart, eyes shining.
Emma begins unpacking the basket, giving the Scarlets a moment to greet Killian. Mrs. Scarlet is simply beside herself and Mr. Scarlet beams at Killian as he tries to restrain his wife from being too overbearing.
Mary Margaret and Leo arrive soon after and they all pull chairs into the room, picking at the spread that Ruby has brought them, including the cherry pie Emma baked this morning, likely tucked in there by Ashley. Emma cuts them all generous slices, making sure to leave two for Will and Elsa for when they come later.
Eventually, the Scarlets say their goodbyes; they're heading back to New York tomorrow and Mrs. Scarlet will be back in a week, and Mary Margaret and Leo walk them out after gathering the dishes. Emma and Killian barely get a half hour to themselves before Will and Elsa arrive.
It's nice, having the four of them back together with everyone actively participating in conversation. Will tries to mention Neal but gets shut down rather quickly. Instead, they talk about everything and absolutely nothing, skirting around the topics of the fire, Killian's injuries and Neal's sudden reappearance.
When a nurse comes around to inform them visiting hours are over, Emma's loathe to leave and considerings pleading with the night nurses to let her sleep in a cot in Killian's room, but she can see he's getting tired so she just leans over the bed, giving him one, two, then three chaste kisses until Will clears his throat loudly and they take their leave.
Will collapses almost instantly onto his makeshift bed as soon as they make it back to the apartment, but Emma continues to toss and turn in bed. She can't wait until Killian's finally back where he belongs, curled up around her and acting as her personal furnace under the covers.
Her phone begins vibrating on the nightstand and she rolls over, reaching for it, feeling exasperation and amusement when she sees the name on the screen.
"You're supposed to be sleeping."
"As are you."
There's a pause and Emma can practically see him smiling.
"I'm not the one in a hospital bed."
"Precisely. I've been lying down all day."
She sits up, pulling the blankets with her, "This better not be a booty call, Jones."
"It's not." He promises, "I suspect the night nurses would present a rather difficult obstacle to get around. You know I had to wait twenty minutes until the coast was clear to call you?" He pauses again and Emma can imagine him craning his neck to make sure he isn't discovered, "I merely sensed your heart was uneasy when you left. And I missed you when I woke up again. Was I right thinking you are having trouble falling asleep?"
Emma smiles, fiddling with the sleeve of yet another henley she stole from his side of the closet, glancing towards the bedroom door. But she isn't too worried. Will sleeps much too deeply for her to wake him with a whispered conversation behind a closed door. "Maybe."
He chuckles, a light, breathy sound through the phone. Emma thinks she might just be content to listen to him breathe over the phone all night.
"You really scared me for a while there." She blurts, as if they haven't already had a similar conversation about this earlier.
"I know. I'll make it up to you."
"I don't think I'm pregnant."
Killian doesn't respond right away and her heart seizes up a little when she remembers the way his entire being had lit up with hope.
"Killian?"
"Aye, my love?"
Emma bites her lip, "Why couldn't you sleep tonight?"
"You know it's hard for me to fall asleep without a proper workout."
She laughs, the mood lightened. "Well you're going to have to learn how to. No rigorous activities for you for a while."
"Perhaps I simply miss having you in my arms while I sleep."
"Me too." She whispers, burrowing deeper into the covers to seek out the warmth that she craves but seems to keep escaping her.
"Would you like for me to sing you some sea shanties to lull you to sleep?"
"How would you know any sea shanties?"
"Why, my father of course. Taught us while we were learning how to sail. Every respectable pirate has to know at least a few shanties."
"I don't think the nurses will be very amused to hear you singing when you should be resting."
"I suppose you are right."
"Will you tell me about what it was like while you were in the coma?" Emma asks in a small voice.
Killian pauses before speaking, "Well, it was all a little murky what happened. Perhaps most of what I was aware of was just as I was waking. But I recall hearing voices. The doctors', I think. Will, Elsa and Henry's. But mostly yours, my siren Swan. Always calling out to me, a soothing balm against all the rest. And the dreams- they were… fantastical to say the least."
"Fantastical?" Emma slides back down, resting her head on the pillow and hugging Killian's to her chest as his melodic voice weaves tales about beanstalks and pirate ships, crocodile skin and magic, royal balls and True Love until Emma falls asleep, his voice still crooning in her ear.
A/N: Quick thank you to everyone who continues to read, review, follow and favorite! Your support makes my day!