Many, many, MANY thanks to Hadley! Girl keeps me consistent as fuck and deals with my constant sPiRaLiNg over this story.

See ya WEDNESDAY *hides*

On Wednesday, I'm buzzing with anticipation to see Edward.

I guess this feeling isn't exactly new. I've been looking forward to seeing him every Wednesday and Friday for the last eight weeks. But, later today, when I stare at his mouth, I'll know what it tastes like. When I ogle the shit out of the shirt that stretches across his chest, I'll know how hard it actually is underneath. And when I look him in the eyes, I'll know that he wants me as bad as I want him.

Liam's talking up a storm about something I'm not listening to as we walk toward Edward. I stare at him curiously, and he stares back, face exceptionally neutral for someone who was lying between my legs just a few days ago.

"Hey, dude," Edward says. "Remember to partner up today."

Liam pouts. "But I don't like anyone."

"Then I'll pick someone for you," Edward offers.

"Ah. Kid after my own heart," I snark.

"Well, that's not entirely true. There's at least one person you like," Edward points out.

I start to smile, thinking he's being playful and cheeky about liking him. But when he doesn't smile or offer anything other than his stoic expression, I start to read his demeanor differently. The way he's looking at me feels… accusatory. Suspicious. Heat creeps up my neck. I might also be adding on to my own guilt about Masen. But that guilt shouldn't even exist. I'm allowed to talk to other people. Neither Masen nor Edward have said they want to be exclusive.

"You're right. I like you," I admit quietly, a slight edge to my tone. He doesn't say anything, and my frown deepens. "What's happening right now, Edward?"

His gaze drops from my face. "Nothing."

"I'm confused. Were you talking about Jake?"

He finds my eyes again and just shrugs as if to say conversation's over. I hate this side of him. Even if he's just saving face and maintaining a cool exterior to lower Marcus' curiosity, the way he's treating me stings.

"Are we okay?" I ask, confused.

He holds my gaze. "Yeah. Why?"

"Why?" My laugh sounds bitter. "Are you acting like this because of… Marcus?" I watch his unchanging expression. He doesn't let on that this is because of Marcus or Jake or anything other than the fact that he's just a dick.

"I'm not acting like anything."

"Exactly. You're acting like…" Someone walks past us and I pause. "Like Sunday didn't happen."

He lowers his voice, brows furrowing. "That's not what I'm trying to do."

"Well you're acting kinda cold toward me. I thought we were over that," I say hotly. I stare up at him and hope he'll say or do something to prove me wrong. Because I want to know him. To see the real him. And be like we were on Sunday.

He opens his mouth, but Marcus starts to make his way over. I'm not trying to deal with that shit again.

"Forget it." My voice to Edward is hushed. "It's fine," I tell Marcus. "Everything is fucking fine."

Oops. Clearly, by my reaction, everything is not fine.

I don't look at Edward before I turn to leave. He doesn't follow me, but I didn't expect him to. Instead of waiting in my car, I walk around the neighborhood for a bit, hoping the fresh air and sun will soothe my anger. Unfortunately, it does nothing for my mood.

What the fuck did he mean by "there's at least one person you like"? What was he trying to get at with that shit? If he's talking about Jake then that's petty. Edward knows I ended my date with Jake to watch his show. To see him. So why bring that up now?

I don't understand him.

When I head back inside to get Liam, I decide it's best to just ignore Edward. I don't want to blow up at him and cause another scene. So, I don't look at him. I can feel his eyes on me though. It's unsettling, and I both hate and crave his attention. I sign Liam out, and we simply walk away.

Turns out ignoring Edward is pretty easy to do when he seems to be playing the same game of avoidance.

Maybe I was stupid to think things were different after Sunday. But I swear he felt different. He was lighthearted. Open. He was sweet and sexy and just… an entirely new person. I can't keep up with his mood swings though—I just can't.

And I'm starting to think that maybe, just maybe, he doesn't want me to.

xx

Later that evening, when I drop off Liam at home, Renee asks me to stay for dinner. Apparently, she and Phil are trying this new thing where they're both home in time to eat dinner at the table like a family. I don't tell her it's not necessarily a new concept because she seems really excited, and I'm not trying to burst her bubble.

We eat takeout, passing around different boxes filled with Chinese food. It's not exactly a home-cooked meal, but at least they're trying. Phil talks about an upcoming trip to Hawaii with his golf buddies. Renee hems and haws before agreeing to go with him.

"I don't wanna go to Hawaii again," Liam complains.

I laugh. "If you get an offer to go to Hawaii, kid, you go to Hawaii."

"I've already been. Twice. It's boring."

I guess if Phil's busy playing golf all day, and Renee is busy doing whatever she does, it could be pretty lonely. And boring, for an eleven-year-old.

"Hang out at the pool. Make some friends. Chat up the ladies," I tease, because I can't pass up the chance to embarrass him.

"Chat up? What does that mean?"

"Like, flirt," I tell him.

"Like the way you chat up Edward?" Liam asks innocently.

Wonderful.

Renee looks at me. "Edward?"

"What? No. I barely even know him." I say it too fast and quickly realize she didn't really ask me anything.

Liam seems bored; Phil isn't listening, and Renee fights a smile.

I finish the rest of my wine in one go.

When Phil retires to his office, and Liam's glued to his Xbox, Renee and I share another glass of wine on their back patio.

"So, my friend, Maria, is gonna reach out to you about flowers for her daughter's wedding. I might've hinted she could get the friends and family discount?"

"Oh, nice. Yeah, we can work something out, I'm sure. When is her daughter getting married?"

"In 2022."

"What? Why?"

"Well, her boyfriend hasn't actually proposed yet." Renee tries to keep a straight face but starts laughing.

"That's kind of insane," I laugh along with her. "Like—is there even a possibility he's going to propose, or are they just hoping it'll happen one day?"

"I guess they just want to be prepared," Renee says, shrugging. "It is a little weird, I know."

"Really fucking weird. Please, if I'm ever that insane over a guy or the idea of getting married... slap me."

Like right now, I want to say. I need to shake Edward. I bite my tongue and snap open my second fortune cookie.

The love of your life will appear in front of you unexpectedly!

What a crock.

"Can you have someone else pick up Liam from coding on Friday?" I ask, sipping my wine.

"Sure. Everything okay?"

"Yeah. I just… can't do it anymore."

Renee eyes me. "Sure, I can rearrange some stuff."

"And maybe you can just have his new nanny start 5 days a week now, instead of just Mondays?"

"Of course. Whatever works best for you." She's watching me, but I'm staring out across their expansive backyard. "You know I appreciate you helping out with Liam."

"I know."

"And that you can talk to me, honey."

I know that, too. I'd rather gulp down the rest of my vino.

"Does this have to do with Edward?"

I nearly choke on my wine, snapping my head in her direction. "What? Why would you think that?"

"Because I've seen him," she laughs. "He's easy on the eyes, that's for sure."

Tell me something I don't fucking know.

"Why would you think this has to do with him, though?"

"I'm your mom. I can pick up on vibes. Why else would you willingly drop off and pick up Liam?" Her smile is gentle, understanding. "The day you were sick, Edward seemed really worried about you. I assured him you were probably fine, but he was adamant that someone go and check on you."

"Right."

"And when I told him I was gonna head to your place after I picked up Liam, he offered to go for me. Insisted, even." I didn't know this. "He said you two were friends."

"Huh." Any anger I feel toward him kind of dissolves after hearing this. It's confirmation that he was different. I wasn't imagining it. I'm just not sure why he's suddenly deciding to hold back now.

"So?" She brightens. "Am I right? Are you dating him or something?"

Or something is more like it.

"Nothing is happening between us," I tell her. It's not necessarily a lie because it currently feels that way.

"Bella."

I tear up my fortune into tiny little pieces. "Nothing is happening because he's so hot and cold with me."

"What happened?"

"He was like this completely different person when he was taking care of me. And then he came over the next night to hang out and…" I groan. "Again, so different. Flirty. Sweet. He played me "Wonderwall" on Dad's old guitar." I nearly swoon all over again as I remember the sound of his voice and the way he looked at me.

"Is he in a band?" Renee asks, looking slightly amused.

"Yeah."

"You know, when I met Charlie, I had a 'no musicians' rule. Clearly, I didn't abide by that," she chuckles. "I didn't stand a chance."

"I don't have a 'no musicians' rule. I just have a 'don't be a dick for no reason' rule."

"Did you ask him what was up?"

"Kinda? I asked if we were good, and he just said yeah. But he's been like this the entire time I've known him. Standoffish. Cool. Snarky." I huff out a breath. "Why does he have to be so fucking attractive?" I drop my head in my hands. "I should forget about it, but I can't. I should say fuck it. But I'm also hoping he texts or something. Anything! Just give me a fucking clue, man."

"People are complex, baby. I doubt whatever he's sorting through has to do with you. I'm not excusing him for being cold to you, but… I don't know if you should just forget about it? Especially if he's got you all wound up like this. It reminds me of—" She pauses and sips the rest of her wine.

"Reminds you of what?"

"Me and your father."

I miss him. But it's so hard to keep him in my memory. And then other times the longing is so bone deep, it's hard to shake.

"Charlie drove me insane. Up, down, hot, cold. We were hardly ever on the same page. But when we were…" She smiles warmly. "It was good. So worth it."

I watch her gaze grow distant.

"Why don't you come anymore?" I ask softly. I don't have to expand for her to know what I mean.

"Because I have Phil. At some point, it felt inappropriate."

Every year on what would've been Charlie's birthday, we have a barbecue in his memory. It's filled with his old band members and friends and is complete debauchery with lots of alcohol and live music. It might be weird to say, but celebrating Charlie's birthday has become one of my favorite days of the year. I love hearing stories about him because I don't have many of my own. Sometimes it makes me feel like I did know him.

"Phil doesn't care if you go, Mom. He understands the circumstances."

She gives me a tender look. "That was a different life for me, Bella."

My smile is small when I think of the pictures I've seen of her and Charlie. She really was different. More makeup. Terrible style. Permed hair. Baby Bella constantly on her hip, if I wasn't in Charlie's arms.

Phil is great too, though. He's been good for her. For us. He's consistent and loyal and kind. He came into our lives and took over for Charlie in a way. But like she said: it's just different. It won't ever be the same, or better. Just… different.

"I guess I shouldn't use Phil as an excuse," she admits. "I stopped going because… because it made me too sad."

I feel a pang in my chest, and I have to look away from her, or I might cry.

"Well, I know everyone would be happy to see you this year. If you wanna come. Phil, too. Fuck it—bring Liam as well. I can teach him how to beer bong."

Renee laughs. "You are ridiculous."

"Pretty sure Emmett taught me how to beer bong when I was sixteen."

"Bella Swan!" she shakes her head, staring in disbelief. "Emmett did not teach you how to beer bong." He was the drummer in my dad's band and a really good dude. He looks out for me. And fine, he didn't teach me how to beer bong, but I watched him do it enough that he probably did teach me in a roundabout way.

"Whatever. Just come. Everyone would love to see you."

"Maybe." Her smile fades into a more serious look. "What are you gonna do about Edward?"

I sigh. I don't know.

"I'll sleep on it," I say after a second.

"I think that's smart. You know what I always say: if you think you hate everyone, you need to eat. And if you think everyone hates you, you need to sleep."

"You've literally never said that," I deadpan.

"I saw someone retweet it. So, it's my new saying."

"Since when do you use Twitter?"

"I like to follow Ellen and Michelle Obama."

"All right, all right."

She gives me a soft look. "You'll be okay. You always have. Just talk to him."

"And if he decides he doesn't want me after all?"

"Then he's an idiot. But then again… what can I say? Love's a bitch," Renee says simply.

"Mom." I give her a look. But then I think back to that morning with Edward, sitting on my couch. I wanted it to be more. I nearly longed for it. I kind of thought he did, too.

"You know what I mean. Love. Relationships. People. It's all shitty and wonderful and messy. But worth it." She squeezes my hand. "Wine usually helps."

I laugh. "It sure does."

xx

I don't really know what to do with my newfound freedom on Friday afternoon. I linger a little at work, trying to find stuff to do. Then I go grocery shopping for the upcoming week, buying some extra things that sound good, like boxed macaroni and cheese and Flamin' Hot Cheetos to crush over the top. I don't know whether to thank or curse my PMS for this brilliant idea.

I text Jess to see if she wants to come over, but she's with Paul. Tomorrow's her birthday though, so I figure it's not a bad idea to take it easy tonight before we get a little crazy. Instead, I go hard in my own way tonight: watching a documentary on Netflix and eating way too much food.

It's close to 9 when I get a text from Edward.

Edward: Hey.

I'd been wondering when, or if, he'd reach out.

Bella: Hi.

Edward: Where were you today?

Bella: Now you care?

Edward: What's wrong?

Bella: You were super standoffish to me on Wednesday. And it fucking sucked.

He doesn't answer for close to ten minutes. His delay in responding pisses me off. He's the one who just reached out to me. He's the one who gave me the tiniest indication that this could be more on Sunday.

I refill my wine glass, letting out an exaggerated and annoyed sigh.

Bella: Loooook. You're pissing me off.

Edward: That's not my intention.

Bella: Okay… then what IS your intention?

He doesn't respond to this. An hour passes and still nothing. I'm nearly a bottle of wine deep when I decide to reply.

Bella: My mom hired a nanny for Liam, so you and I probably won't see each other again. Unless you want to. I know I wanna see you and wanna continue whatever this is. But you're kinda confusing the shit out of me, soooo. Ball's in your court, dude.

I reread my message, hoping I don't sound too resigned. Because I do want to see him again. I like him, for fuck's sake. But I can't do this back and forth with him forever. Maybe now that he knows I won't be picking up Liam anymore, he has a little more freedom to hang out with me.

I'll give it a few days.

If he doesn't reach out or try to make some kind of plan to hang out with me, then I'm done.

I'll try to forget all about Edward Cullen.

xx

On Saturday morning, Jess texts to see if I want to go to brunch before everyone meets up for her birthday brewery hop. Of course, I'm never one to say no to brunch. I'm expecting Paul to be with her, but to my surprise, she's alone when I find her sitting at a table on the patio.

"Happy Birthday, bitch."

She laughs, standing. "Thanks, bitch."

"No Paul?" I ask, hugging her before we both sit down.

"No Paul. I've missed you," she says. Her tone is even, and her face is neutral, so I don't detect any trouble in paradise which is good. Hopefully, it means Paul isn't the fuckboi I thought he was.

"I've missed you, too." I hand over her card. "Open it."

The waiter comes over to bring us two waters, and Jess tears at the envelope.

"I ordered us drinks already," she tells me, opening the card. "Aw, shit yeah." She pulls out the spa day-pass and massage gift certificate I bought her. "I'm gonna get relaxed AF."

"That's the plan."

The waiter returns with a pitcher of mimosas.

"The mimosas are bottomless, too," Jess says, grinning. "So the number of pitchers we can consume is endless."

"We actually had to change that for… reasons, so you can only consume a maximum of two pitchers," the waiter pipes in.

"The number of pitchers we can consume is two," Jess corrects, and I laugh.

"That's probably for the best," I muse, and we order some food. "So, you're trying to go hard today, huh?"

She pours us each a mimosa. "Going hard would be if there was vodka in this orange juice instead of champagne. I'm at least not trying to get sloppy until later if that's what you mean."

"Fair enough. It is your birthday after all."

"Yep. Now drink up."

"So you and Paul are good?"

"Yeah," she smiles. "We're good."

"And he's your boyfriend now or…?"

"No labels. But… we're not sleeping with anyone else."

"That's good," I say carefully. I really hope that's the case for him.

"What about you? Been tapping any new ass recently?"

"Nope." The sun shines brighter, and I pull out my sunglasses. "I did make out with someone last weekend though."

She pulls a face. "I thought you were sick."

"I was. This was after."

"Well, go on. Who was it?"

"Edward. The dude from Liam's coding class."

"The asshole?"

So, I've said some not-so-friendly things about him in the past. "Yes."

"How did that happen?"

I tell her everything, from seeing him at the bar a couple of weeks ago with Jake to watching his band play. How he put me on the guest list and took care of me while I was sick. Then I end it all recalling his cold demeanor on Wednesday and how I basically told him the ball's in his court.

"Well, what about Instagram Dude?"

I smile. "You mean Masen."

"Ooooh. He has a name now." Jess snorts. "Masen. Sounds kinda hot."

"I wouldn't know," I mumble, draining my glass in one go.

"Still nothing?"

"We haven't met up or anything. I've tried, but he's holding back. So, I literally don't know what he wants."

"Seriously. I know you give good conversation, but it can't be that good," Jess jokes.

"Oh, fuck you," I laugh.

"You really don't know who it might be?"

"No. Esme thinks I'm being catfished, but I don't think so. Then again, she also thinks it's very You've Got Mail."

Jess blinks. "Never seen it."

"Oh, come on! You have. Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan?"

She refills our glasses. "Oh. And they meet at the top of the Empire State Building?"

"No, that's the other one they were in together."

"Oh! Where they're friends for years and then bang it out? And that perv of a lady in the diner is like, 'I'll have what she's having.'''

"That's the one with Billy Crystal," I deadpan.

"I love fucking with you," Jess laughs. "I know what You've Got Mail is. It's the movie where they have an anonymous online romance, but they're enemies in real life. Then he finds out it's her, and she's still oblivious. Then they live happily ever after, blah blah." Jess thinks for a second. "I mean, that's kinda what's happening to you. You have some sort of online relationship with Masen, and then Edward's over there being a dickity dick in real life."

Huh.

I take another lengthy gulp of my mimosa.

"Yeah. It is kind of similar," I agree.

Eerily similar.

"Except in the movie, it was one guy the entire time, not two different people," Jess adds. "So, maybe it's not exactly the same."

I snort. "Well, Edward is driving me bonkers. I don't get how he can be so kind and funny and sexy one second and then a total jerk the next. It doesn't add up. It's like he's two different… people."

Fuck.

Even with my champagne-muddled brain, something clicks.

"What's wrong?" Jess asks.

I ignore her though because I'm replaying the timeline of initially meeting Edward and when Masen reached out. Sure, Masen started talking to me weeks after I met Edward, but neither of them existed to me until I met… Edward.

I remember some interactions that seemed a little off, and I pull out my phone, scrolling through my conversations with Masen. I mean, there have been a lot of conversations. But there are a handful of things that stand out in my memory. Like when he said he liked someone more than he knew how to comprehend… nearly the exact same thing Edward said to me on Sunday night. Obviously I didn't catch it then because I was a little distracted by his mouth.

I think back on other things, like Masen being out of town, which coincided with Edward being gone, too. Telling Edward my last name, then Masen sketching a swan the very next day. Edward somehow knew Liam's birthday after I'd only mentioned it to Masen. The tattoos and the vague art occupation that Edward claims to have.

Holy shit.

"Holy shit."

I feel completely fucking stupid for not thinking it sooner.

My theory might be wrong, but… I honestly think Edward might be Masen.

Masen might be Edward.

That motherfucker.