A/N: hi FF world! This update came later than I anticipated. I wish I had something inspiring to tell you or some grand explanation why, but when it comes down to it, my sad brain has been winning over writing lately. And that's okay.

But, writing a little bit every day made a difference and I'm happy to bring you this chapter. It didn't turn out exactly how I planned and I wanted to get ahead a bit more, plot wise. But things ebb and flow in writing so this is what happened. There have been a lot of details sprinkled along the way in this story and let's just say, we're about to get somewhere exciting.

Thank you to everyone who read or reviewed the last chapter. It truly makes such a difference to any writer to get feedback, big or small. So many thanks to B, Gingerandspice1, rebelspy023, tragical and Guest x3. And to the guest who described Mackenzie as a Mary Sue, I'm sorry you felt that way. I have really tried to write a flushed out, real character with flaws like any of us. I can understand this isn't your cup of tea and I appreciate you giving it a chance anyway.

So, to save me from rambling any more, let's do this chapter 19. A bonus special guest in this one, hate her or love her ;)

For the first time that she could remember, Mackenzie Humphrey called in sick.

A long time ago Mackenzie had mastered the ability to compartmentalize her anxiety - she could press it deep down into her stomach and ignore it, mostly, and fight through her most nervous days. She barely missed a day of school over the years because she taught herself to let her anxiety manifest in less obvious ways. Instead of crying, she would rip at her nails. She replaced hyperventilating with counting floor tiles or tapping each brick she passed by or naming her dad's songs alphabetically.

There were, of course, exceptions. After the shooting at Northeastern, her anxiety would go from zero to panic attack in seconds. She had come so far since then, with the support of her therapist and new coping techniques, and well, Nate.

But when the latest cause of her breakdown was a fight with Nate himself, she didn't know who she could turn to. And after calling him endlessly after he stormed out of the awards dinner, he finally messaged her and asked her to stop and give him space.

She felt like she was drowning. She sobbed in the cab all the way home. She cried more in the shower. She laid in bed all night, barely getting a wink of sleep. It couldn't have come as a surprise to Chuck when she called in sick to work Friday. She was embarrassed about it, but her mental health was already hanging on by a thread.

She respected his wishes and refrained from messaging Nate. That was the hardest part. She wanted to fix it right away, even though she knew that wasn't possible.

Mackenzie sat up in bed and grimaced at the sun shining through the windows. The one time she longed for rain, or snow, or grey to suit her mood, the yellow, warm rays of light swept through the loft instead. She subconsciously reached for her phone, gazing over the messages waiting unread.

There was nothing from Nate so she ignored everything else.

She spent her morning going through the motions, checking her work email, stretching out on the living room floor, sipping on coffee. It felt like time was crawling by. She thought about going for a walk or calling Jenny or something but found herself lying lifelessly on the couch instead, her laptop propped up on the coffee table, playing through some mindless sitcom reruns. She wanted to laugh but couldn't.

The more she tried to distract herself, the more her brain kept circling back to one thing. Again and again and again. Why didn't she just tell him months ago? What was so hard about revealing the truth, ripping off the bandage and moving on?

It had been a dumb mistake.

She knew why he was so mad. It wasn't that she had sex with Carter. Well, maybe it was a little bit about that. But it was because she didn't tell him. She was the one who had been so incessant on going over their dating histories from their time apart. She had been feeling so insecure and threatened by the idea of Nate spending time with his exes or any female, for that matter.

Really, she was defeated by her own insecurities. Even after all this time. Even though time and time again, Nate provided love to her in so many ways.

Early in the afternoon, while she was wrapped up in a blanket on the couch, she heard knocking at the door. She sat up and grabbed her phone, in case she had a message indicating someone was coming by.

The knock was followed by the sound of the keypad, then the door itself swung open. Mackenzie was surprised to see her brother walk in.

"Mack?" Dan quickly darted his eyes around the apartment, closing the large door behind him.

"Hey," she replied to him, calling his attention to the far side of the room. "What are you doing here?"

He gave her a small smile as he walked over and sat in the armchair. "Well, admittedly, I wanted to talk to you and this was the only way to do it without you ignoring my texts or hanging up on me."

Mackenzie was ready to fire back an irritated response to her brother but couldn't find the energy. She just sighed and nodded her head. "How did you know I was here and not at work though?"

"Oh. Uh. Yeah, we have a group chat about you and Nate. Since you came back to town."

"We?"

"Just me and Chuck and Blair. And Serena and Jenny.. And Eric." He paused, laughing to himself. "Funny, we actually haven't used it in a few months but then last night.."

Mackenzie covered her eyes with her hands and groaned. "You know, I feel like I should be mad about that. Or annoyed. But, considering I'm already channeling my anger into so many other things related to you, I should let that go."

Dan raised his hand for a second, like he was about to protest. Then he just sighed and leaned back into the chair. "Yeah, oka, that's fair. Listen, Mack, I know you think I'm difficult and unfair sometimes-

"Dan, I don't think that. I know that."

"Whatever." He let out a deep breath. "We're not supposed to get along all the time. We've never gotten along all the time. May I remind you about the piggy bank incident of 1999."

Mackenzie couldn't help but laugh. "I thought we vowed to never mention that again."

"I only bring it up to prove a point. I know you're upset with dad and me, for how I reacted. And maybe I'm a bit mad too, but I also can't just sit back and let you self-destruct out here alone."

She let out a long breath and sat up moreso on the couch. She tossed the blanket to the side and nodded. "Well, thank you. I just..don't want to talk about it."

"Well, would you rather talk about the other elephant in the room otherwise known as our father?"

Mackenzie ran a hand through her hair and pushed it back, shaking her head. "Not really."

Dan watched her carefully as she tried to start a new sentence, backtracking again and again. "Have you eaten today?" He looked over towards the kitchen.

"Uhm, I've had a full pot of coffee. I was going to scavenge the freezer for something later." Mackenzie sighed and closed her eyes. Despite her attempts at cooking at home, she knew the fridge was pretty empty. Mainly because she was spending most of her time at Nate's. And when she was at the loft, it was easier to order in.

"Okay, compromise. Let's go out into the world, get some fresh air. Maybe we can grab a bagel at Cranberry's. Then, a deep dive into last night." Dan raised his eyebrows as he presented the offer to her. "Although, I will give you ten minutes to shower because you kind of look like shit."

Mackenzie scoffed as she rolled her eyes. "I'm taking full offense to that. But fine."

She hated to admit it, but showering, going outside and sitting down in the small shop with a fresh bagel made her feel a lot carried her comfort into leggings, an oversized sweatshirt and leather bomber, doing her best to hide as much of herself from the world.

"So," Dan started as they sat at a small table near the window. He finished chewing the last of his bagel and turned to his sister. "What happened?"

"Since I've had so much time to overanalyze, I can sum it up pretty quickly." Mackenzie let out a breath. "I had the opportunity to tell Nate something months ago, but I didn't. And he found out in the worst way."

"That's really vague. How do I offer sage wisdom without the real details?"

Mackenzie scoffed. "Blair didn't mention it in the group chat?"

Dan shook his head.

Mackenzie groaned and looked down. "Fine. I went out with Carter Baizen before Nate and I got back together."

"And Nate's mad about that?"

"No, he's mad because I didn't tell him, uh... I said we just went to dinner and parted ways. But, uh, we actually had sex."

Dan shook his body, as if hearing his sister say the word sex was the worst thing in the world.

"Oh grow up, Daniel."

Dan put a hand up and shook his head. "Sorry. That was involuntary. I liked to pretend you...aren't a sexual being or.."

"Oh-kay. Please stop." Mackenzie laughed and closed her eyes.

Dan paused to take a sip of his coffee and nodded again. "So, you had sex with him. But this was before you and Nate reunited?"

"Yes! Of course. I would never cheat on Nate. It was just a one time thing and I guess I was just hoping he would never find out."

Before Dan could unload his brotherly wisdom, they were interrupted.

"Wow, running into two Humphrey's in Brooklyn. This doesn't seem likely anymore."

Both Dan and Mackenzie turned their heads to look at the body standing beside their table.

"Vanessa, hey!" Dan shook his head as a smile appeared on his face. He stood and pulled her into a hug.

Mackenzie shot Vanessa a soft smile then sighed to herself. She never really knew what had happened with Vanessa, Dan and their friends. She knew it was dramatic and vengeful, dripping in bitter feelings and no forgiveness. She could probably read up about it on Gossip Girl but she didn't have it in her to care. Vanessa Abrams had disappeared to Europe and it seemed everyone lost track of her, or lost interest entirely.

But last year at Allison's funeral, Vanessa and her parents showed up. It sparked a reconciliation for her and Dan, at least.

Mackenzie hardly remembered talking to her at the funeral, but she knew she must have. She still had Vanessa on Facebook and Instagram, so she could easily see what she was up to. But mostly, Mackenzie didn't have a lot of interest.

Vanessa was always Dan's friend. Even back when they were kids, she was dominant and aggressive, often intentionally leaving Mackenzie out of whatever they were playing. But then she would swoop in and baby little Jenny. It always irritated Mackenzie that Vanessa so forcefully made herself part of their family.

Mackenzie was so relieved to have been living out of the city when she and Dan tried to date.

"So, how are you guys? How's Rufus?"

Mackenzie kept the smile on her face as Dan invited Vanessa to join them at the table.

"Oh, he's good. Yeah. Still splitting his time out in LA and in the city," Dan answered quickly, taking a sip of his coffee and looking across the table to his sister. Mackenzie met his eyes and gave him a grateful look for trying his best to sweep past that topic.

"Is he in town now? I would love to see him. He emailed me a few weeks ago actually, wanted to see how my dad was doing. And I'm happy to report he's in remission, which is great. And he's feeling well enough to apparently dance up a storm at Ruby's wedding tomorrow."

Of course my dad can keep up communication with Vanessa, his non-daughter. But won't even have a fucking conversation with me right now and -

"Enough about me though! Mack, how are you? I feel like we haven't talked in so long."

Mackenzie let out a breath as she looked at Vanessa across the table. She was still so very Vanessa - oversized copper jewelry, curly black hair, vintage army jacket. She wished so desperately she could send a telepathic message to her brother and ask why he thought it was the right time to have a catch up session when she was in the middle of an emotional crisis.

"I'm fine," Mackenzie said simply, "Uhm, living at the loft. I'm running the Bass Foundation. Nate and I are back together and -

"Right, that's right," Vanessa nodded as she spoke. "You and Nate. Dan told me about that. That's so cute."

Mackenzie wasn't sure why, but for some reason hearing Vanessa call her relationship cute made her want to scream.

Vanessa turned and nudged Dan on the arm, "Man, Nate really did make his way around your social and family circle, huh."

Mackenzie was almost certain if she was able to transform into a She-Hulk, she would have in that moment.

"Uh," Dan looked from Vanessa over to Mackenzie. He reached out and wiggled the coffee mug out of his sister's hands, eyes wide, silently screaming at her to calm down. "Nate's grown up quite a bit. So, if there was ever a time I wanted him to be courting my sister, it would be now."

"Listen, this has been great. But uh, I'm gonna head back to the loft. I think I suddenly have a migraine." Mackenzie pushed her chair back and let out a long breath. "It was, uh, nice to see you, Nessie. I mean, Vanessa."

Dan tried to encourage her to stay but she just smiled and headed towards the door. She was hoping her brother might help her reflect on what to do next with Nate but instead, she was left feeling even more insecure about the whole thing.

When Nate arrived at The Spectator offices on Friday morning, he was surprised to see a catered breakfast celebration and his entire team waiting for him in the boardroom. Usually he would be incredibly grateful to celebrate something like his award with his team, but considering the dark circles under his eyes and the storm cloud above his head, he had a difficult time putting on a smile. He sipped his coffee and thanked the whole team for their contributions then sunk into his office with the door closed.

Again and again and again, all his brain could do was think about what had transpired the night before. He especially couldn't get Carter fucking Baizen's smug face out of his mind.

He didn't want to be bothered by Mackenzie having slept with someone before they got back together. In fact, it was easier just to not think about at all.

But knowing her last date before their reunion was with Carter. And finding out they actually slept together... he wanted to erase it from his mind altogether.

The hardest part was trying to figure out just why Mackenzie had kept it from him. The more he thought about it, the more irritated he got that she was likely just never going to tell him. Wasn't honesty and talking about all that uncomfortable shit their thing?

Clearly it wasn't working.

He kept his door closed most of the day and kept his phone at bay, only answering the occasional email and replying to anyone else through Taylor popping her head in to talk to him.

By the end of the day, someone finally came through the door to talk to him.

"I've been warned not to poke the bear."

Nate looked up from his laptop and saw Tripp walking into his office, shutting the door behind him and dropping onto the chair across from his desk.

Nate let out a laugh and closed his laptop. "I'm not an angry tyrant. Just..keeping my distance from the world today."

Tripp unbuttoned his suit jacket and crossed his legs as he leaned back in the chair. "Well, honey, do you want to talk about it?"

Nate just smirked and shook his head. "I really don't. It's just..a fight with Mackenzie, I guess."

"That seems out of character."

"Yeah." Nate paused to let out a long breath. "As much as I want us to paint a picture of this wholesome relationship, I knew there was bound to be some road bumps."

"So, if you don't want to talk about it, how can I help? Dinner at Romans? Basketball game? Shooting range?"

Nate contemplated the options Tripp was presenting to him. Logically, he knew he should just swallow his pride and call Mackenzie. They should just really try to deal with it. ALthough, he assumed it would just lead to yelling and frustration. It could also potentially lead to make up sex…

Sex.

Like Mackenzie had with Carter Baizen merely days before he was kissing her in that elevator.

He swore under his breath and leaned forward onto his desk. "How about getting me super drunk?"

Tripp just laughed and nodded his head. "That I can do. Are we thinking casual beer drunk or boys-trip Scotch drunk?"

"I was thinking high-school-party whisky drunk, actually."

Tripp raised an eyebrow and tilted his head. "Well, I guess I'll arrange a car. Oh, and I think Bronson is solo this weekend. I'm sure he'd be down."

Nate glanced down at his phone. Part of him was hoping for Mackenzie to reach out and break the silence. The silence he forced onto her. But she respected his wishes and laid off. He didn't even listen after her first voicemail last night.

But he wanted to know how her day went and what she was doing for dinner and…

Nate stood up at his desk and stretched his arms out. "I guess we're doing this. I probably need a Red Bull or two before we get started."

"I think we're in for a wild night, cousin."

Nate and Tripp walked out of his office not long after, with a loose plan for their evening and a growing guestlist of friends to join them.

Nate felt guilty, in a way. Avoiding his feelings to go out and drink until he couldn't feel them anymore was not a good idea. In fact, he could already hear Kenneth advising against it in case things got out of hand and pictures appeared online. One tiny misstep could derail his reputation and put his campaign into jeopardy before it even started.

But his frustration and sadness was overpowering his guilt.

He had intentionally dismissed a phone call from Dan earlier, and one from Blair too. Leave it to those two - both of them trying to be a voice of reason for his relationship. It was crazy to think he had come so far with Blair. From young lovers to lifelong friends, he respected her opinions but knew she'd talk him out of having a wild night out. And Dan. Well, he'd vouch for his sister, despite his attempts to be neutral when it came to their relationship.

Nate was just hurting. Things had been going so well for him and Mackenzie and this pain and doubt hit him harder than he anticipated. He didn't want to deal with it yet.

They hadn't made it very far out of the office. Tripp was stopped to talk to Monica as she leaned onto Marie's desk. Well, Taylor's desk. The two girls were engrossed in some sort of chatter as they approached.

"So, since you're having a girls night, turns out we're having a boys night," Tripp commented with a smirk.

"Well, maybe we'll meet up with you guys downtown later," Monica replied with a matching smirk, turning her head to glance at Taylor. "If this lightweight can pace herself on the champagne this time."

Taylor just shook her head, crossing her arms. "Rude. I can hold my own."

"Then we'll see you later, ladies," Tripp continued, leaning in to lay a kiss on Monica's lips. "Stay away from the vodka, Wells."

Nate smiled as they headed out. Considering the amount of horrendous drama Tripp had wrapped himself up with when he was with Maureen, it was nice to see him happy in a relationship again. And despite their own troubled relationship as cousins, continuously fighting over the affection of their grandfather growing up, Nate was happy their friendship had finally resolved itself into something genuine. He could count on Tripp to be there for him and he was grateful for it.

They ended up hopping between a few bars in Midtown and Nate was pleasantly intoxicated. It wasn't that he was falling over drunk but he was feeling a lot less feelings. And that was exactly his plan.

Their next stop was at The Plaza, specifically The Oak Room.

Nate gripped his rocks glass as he fell back onto one of the booth couches. Most of their group seemed to have disappeared into the bar and he didn't much care. He continued to watch his phone for something for Mackenzie and decided maybe it was just in his best interest to reach out to her directly.

So what if they were going to fight. The sooner they fought it out, the sooner they could move past it. He just wanted to know why why why she lied to him. Was that going to be so hard?

Just as he was about to dial her number, someone was pulling up a chair to sit at the end of the booth beside him.

"Hey! It's Nate, right?"

He looked up from his phone to see a familiar looking blonde sitting beside him, a warm smile on her face. He watched as she tucked some of her hair behind her ear and tilted her head. "Where's Mack?"

He narrowed his eyes. "What? Do I know you?"

The blonde let out a laugh and rolled her eyes. "It's Vivienne. I'm a friend of your girlfriends?"

Nate nodded. Right. Vivienne. Her friend who worked at Bass Industries. One of the threads tying Mack and Carter Baizen together, somehow.

"Sorry, yeah, hi. I know we've met before. Viv. How are you?" Nate finally responded to her, pausing to take a sip of his drink.

"Good, yeah. Where's Mack? I invited her out tonight but she said she was having dinner with you. So if you're here, she must not be far behind."

Nate rolled his eyes and let out a laugh, looking away from her. "Yeah, she's not here. I don't know where she is. Turns out, she has this new thing she does where she doesn't always tell the truth. So that dinner thing...was a lie." He just nodded again and again, to get his point across.

Viv gave him a confused look. "Uh. Alright. Are you guys okay?"

Nate rubbed a hand across his jaw and shook his head. "It doesn't matter. So, is your boyfriend here tonight too? Or is he out with his real girlfriend?"

Before Viv could reply to him, they were both saved by Tripp popping up beside him. "Hey! Monica said they're at The Penrose. Bronson's calling a cab."

Nate poured the rest of his drink into his mouth quickly and wiped his mouth, sliding out of the booth. "Great catching up, Viv."

He took a few steps away and felt his phone vibrating in his hand. He smiled when he saw the caller ID. "Hey, I've been meaning to call you."

The last thing Mackenzie wanted to wake up to on Saturday morning was a slew of messages about a picture on Page Six.

After she had left the coffee shop, leaving her brother to catch up with his vintage best friend, she locked herself in the loft for the rest of the evening. She didn't even look at her phone, aside from ordering in tacos and making a half-ass margarita, which was admittedly mostly just tequila and as much lime juice she could squeeze from the leftover produce in the fridge.

It had been a real pity party. Before she went to bed, she got a text from her brother that helped her a bit: "Hey, here's my delayed advice. Give him some space, he'll come around. And only let yourself be sad for one day. I'll call you tomorrow to make sure you're not still wallowing. Love you, Mack.'

It wasn't what she wanted to hear, but maybe it's what she needed. So, she vowed that Saturday she would try to talk to Nate and deal with it.

But that plan was derailed when she finally looked at Page Six:

Manhattan's Young and Elite captured leaving The Penrose

With the holidays approaching, it appears most of the young socialites from Upper Manhattan have returned home and reunited with old friends. Pictured here climbing into a limo is Tripp Vanderbilt and date, Cassandra Kennedy, Nate Archibald, Cortney 'Coco' Rockefeller, Isabel Coates and Dave Franco. This must have been the end of the night for the group because it seems both Vanderbilt and Archibald couldn't stand very straight as they exited The Penrose.

Mackenzie wasn't sure if she wanted to scream, cry or throw up. She didn't really understand why Nate wanting some space translated to a night out with Tripp and Cassandra Kennedy and whoever else was involved. But it made her sick to her stomach to think about.

She was even more offended when she called Nate and it went straight to voicemail.

Out of all the people in this goddamn city, he had to be seen with Cassandra Kennedy. I figured needing space meant video games and scotch at home, not falling down drunk downtown. God, what if he took her home? No, Mackenzie, don't be irrational and crazy. He would never do that. Don't spiral, don't spiral.

Instead of agonizing even more, she tore herself out of bed and decided it would be in her best interest to channel her feelings into a boxing class. She put her hair into a messy bun on top of her head, put her phone into airplane mode and headed to the gym.

Much to her dismay, the class didn't help. Sure, she felt refreshed physically. But mentally, it was a wash. Her mind continued to race about that stupid picture.

Thanks to the strangely tolerable late fall weather, it was warm enough to walk home. Outside the loft, she was surprised to see someone waiting for her.

"Mackenzie, hi."

"Hey Maya," Mackenzie replied as she paused outside the building. "What are you doing here?"

"I was just in the area and wanted to see if you would grab lunch with me."

Mackenzie swallowed the lump in her throat and crossed her arms. She was conflicted. She was supposed to be done with Maya. Genetics couldn't lie - they simply weren't related and she didn't owe this girl anything. But looking at her, standing anxiously on the sidewalk, hands twisted together and hair pulled into a tight ponytail. She suddenly looked so young.

You don't owe this girl anything. But, maybe she just needs some closure. And it beats going crazy in the loft for another day.

Mackenzie just smiled and motioned up the block. "Sure. I could go for a sandwich at Mick's."

She hated to admit it, but after everything she had gone through with Maya's intensity and the genetic testing, she actually didn't mind her company. They swapped some stories about their Thanksgivings (Maya had spent it with a friend's family) and talked about Christmas.

"Can I ask you something? My dad said you showed up at the loft looking for me. I was just wondering how you even knew where I lived in the first place." Mackenzie remembered running into her outside before she had left for her weekend in Washington with Nate.

Maya closed her eyes for a second and pivoted her head down. "I know this is going to sound crazy, but I've just.. There was just a lot I wanted to talk to you about and you were avoiding me and.. Well. There was this old map still on the Gossip Girl website - of course you know about Gossip Girl, and I kind of used some data on the back of the website coding to figure out the coordinates."

"Oh, you must be pretty good with computers," Mackenzie nodded. That made sense, sure.

"Again, I'm sorry for coming on so strong here, Mackenzie. I really truly believed we might be sisters and I didn't want to lose that.. And. I know I've been a lot. I've always been this way." Maya paused again. "Thank you for having lunch. But really, I want to pay. It's the least I can do for all this trouble I caused." She tucked her credit card into the billfold and handed it to the waitress as she returned.

Mackenzie smiled at her and nodded. "Well, I will admit it's helped unpack some old feelings but at the end of the day, I think it'll make my family stronger." She wasn't sure how true that was but if saying that out loud to Maya gave her peace of mind, so be it.

"My dad dying was really hard. I didn't really get to have him in my life at all growing up, and even though being his only next of kin kind of left me with a huge financial mess," Maya paused again, shaking her head. "I mean, that's an entirely different issue. But despite that, I'm glad I got to have some time to get to know him before I lost that chance entirely. At least you have your dad! And your brother and sister. That's more than I have now."

Mackenzie wasn't sure how to respond to the girl. It was strangely baiting, everything she was saying. She wanted sympathy, maybe. But she needed support. Truthfully, Mackenzie couldn't do it. She was looking forward to really parting ways with Maya. It was more added drama than she needed at that point.

The waitress appeared at their table again, a frown on her face. "Miss, I'm sorry but this card declined."

Maya's eyes shot open and she stuttered over her words trying to reply. "Are you sure? I'm certain there is room on that card but-

"Maya, it's fine. I'll get it. Seriously." Mackenzie reached into her bag and pulled out her wallet. She took a few bills out and handed them to the waitress. "No change needed. Thanks."

"Oh my god," Maya sunk her head onto her arms crossed over on the table. "I'm so sorry. The one time I try to do something nice and.."

"Maya, it's okay. It's really not a big deal." Mackenzie stood up, hesitating as she contemplated whether or not to extend any additional comfort to the girl. It was hard seeing someone in such duress and anxiety. But Mackenzie really wanted to end whatever this friendship was. She quickly said goodbye again and headed outside, walking back to the loft.

Maya's words kept flying through Mackenzie's mind as she returned home: At least you have your dad! At least you have your dad…

She didn't, really. At that moment in time, Mackenzie didn't have her dad nor did she have her boyfriend. The hole in her heart seemed to be getting bigger and bigger as time ticked forward.

If her conversation with her brother the day before hadn't been interrupted by Vanessa, maybe he would have given her some advice about their dad, too.

Dan and Rufus were very similar and while Dan was known to side with their dad more often than not, Mackenzie knew her brother still had her best interests at heart. Maybe a phone call was the next best thing to happen with her dad - no yelling or awkward eye contact involved. Just voices and the opportunity to hang up if needed.

It seemed easy enough but why was it so hard to take that step?

She fell onto the couch and looked down at her phone. She wanted to talk to Nate more than anything, but considering her earlier attempt ending in his voicemail message, she wasn't sure if she should try again.

Instead, she did the next bravest thing she could think of. If she wasn't going to figure things out with Nate, maybe it was time to wave a white flag to Rufus Humphrey.

So, Mackenzie let out a long breath and called her dad.

Unsurprisingly, after his Friday night out, Saturday hangover and Sunday recovery day, Nate managed to feel even worse Monday morning.

He was silent as Leo led the team meeting in the morning and barely made a sound or moved for the rest of the morning as he sat at his desk with his office lights dimmed.

He felt like an idiot for a lot of things, including going so hard on Friday night. Then the picture appeared Saturday morning. He ignored a call from Mackenzie that morning and again on Sunday. On top of their initial problem, he was now facing another one. He knew she would be upset about that picture. Or, confused. Or angry. Either way, it was something else they needed to iron out.

He wasn't sure how much longer he could take not talking to her. It wasn't worth the empty, sad feeling anymore. They could be mad at each other and still have dinner, right? Or be upset and still share his bed?

He sighed and sunk his head into his hands as he broke away from his computer screen.

There was a knock at the door.

"Come in," he called out, trying to regain his appearance as the door opened. Taylor walked in with a smirk on her face and a cup of coffee in her hand.

She placed the mug down on his desk then turned to shut the door. She sat on the chair across from his desk and smiled as he sipped at his coffee.

"How are you feeling?"

"Just as terrible as I've felt all weekend," he muttered out. "Thank you for this."

Taylor tangled her hands together in her lap as she looked over at him, then sighed. "And I want to say thanks for last night."

"Taylor," Nate started, trying to cut her off before she continued. "It's okay."

Nate was sprawled out on his couch, watching the highlights from the college basketball circuit on ESPN. Or, at least he was pretending to watch them. Truly, he felt like he was staring off into space. He was grateful to have Max, so he didn't feel entirely alone. His wild weekend had left him feeling emptier than ever and despite his hopeful attitude, he couldn't bring himself to call Mackenzie.

He scratched behind Max's ears as the grey tabby laid on his chest.

"At least one of us is having a good time, buddy," he said quietly, smiling as Max nuzzled into his hand.

Their cuddling was cut short when Nate's phone started to buzz on the coffee table. A startled Max jumped off his chest and scurried away. Nate sat up and grabbed for his phone, desperately hoping it might be Mackenzie. He was surprised to see Taylor Wheeler's name on the caller ID.

"Hey Taylor," Nate spoke as he answered. It wasn't late, really. But he wasn't expecting any kind of work questions on a Sunday evening. "What's up?"

"Hey Nate," Taylor started to reply. "Listen, I know you were pretty drunk when we saw each other on Friday night and I kind of disappeared. But I just.. I need someone to talk to. Do you have a second?"

Nate squeezed his eyes shut. He didn't really remember talking to Taylor at all Friday. But as he listened to her on the other end of the phone, something sounded off.

"Uhm, yeah, sure. Did you want to get a cup of coffee or…"

"Maybe, yeah. I'm just leaving a friend's place on West 99th.."

"Oh, that's close to me. You're welcome to just come over and we can talk, if you want?"

Taylor showed up at Nate's door about half an hour later. She declined his offer of a cup of coffee, so instead they sipped on seltzer water as they sat on opposite ends of the couch. She sat quite still, nervously playing with the chain around her neck, tucking and untucking her hair behind her pink diamond studded ears.

"Nate. I just don't really know who else to talk to about this and I'm sorry for bothering you but…"

"Taylor, are you okay?"

"I just.. I keep thinking about the plane. Every time I close my eyes, I see that facemask dropping in front of me and the pilot's voice overhead and… I can't sleep."

Nate just nodded as she talked, a bit surprised she was unloading all of this on him. She seemed fine at work most of the week, aside from a few late starts and tired mornings. Not that looking fine meant she was handling it internally. He knew firsthand that it could be easy for some people to mask their fears and anxieties. It took him a long time to read that in Mackenzie, who was an expert at such a thing.

"I guess I just want to know.. How are you handling this? I can't shake it." Taylor sipped her water then placed it down on the table. Nate watched as she crossed her arms tightly, pulling her sweater close.

"Uhm, I guess I've just been trying to talk it out. With Mackenzie, mainly. She's been my biggest support through this, she can tell how it's affected me and…" He trailed off. God, he missed Mackenzie.

"I just.. I wish I had someone like that." Taylor looked over at Nate. "I just.. I wish I had someone who really could understand what I've gone through." She let out a breath and shifted her weight, moving slightly closer towards Nate. "Where do I find someone like you?"

Nate shook his head quickly then stood, grabbing his glass off the table. "Uhm, could I get you anything else to drink?" He headed back towards his kitchen. "You know, our HR team could probably give you some resources. There are people you can talk to if you're feeling anxious or.."

He left his empty glass on the counter in the kitchen and turned back as he heard Taylor begin to cry on the couch. He felt conflicted, suddenly. Clearly, she needed someone to lean on but he knew that was not his responsibility, especially since he was her boss. Inviting her over was probably a bad idea in the first place.

"Taylor, hey," he walked back over slowly. "It's going to be okay. You've just got to take this a day at a time and remember that you're alive and safe and what you're experiencing is a normal reaction…" He trailed off as he watched her stand up. She closed in the space between herself and Nate, then suddenly wrapped her arms around him.

"I'm just so scared," she repeated into his chest as she sobbed.

Nate sighed and hugged her back, still feeling especially uncomfortable but he couldn't just let her cry. It just wasn't in his nature.

"You're going to be okay, I promise."

Taylor shook her head and let out a breath. "I just really needed someone to care. And .. I mean, thank you is hardly enough."

Nate put his hand up to stop her. "I really think you need to talk to someone else about this, like a professional. If you don't, it could really get worse. Mackenzie sees a great therapist I could recommend.."

Nate felt it was in his best interest to continuously bring up his girlfriend now when he talked to Taylor. He knew last night shouldn't have happened, even if it was just friendly and supportive. He still felt somehow guilty about the whole thing.

There was a knock at the door.

Nate had never been so grateful for the interruption.

The door opened slowly and he was surprised to see Vanessa Abrams standing there.

"Vanessa Abrams, hey," Nate said with a small smile. Taylor took his greeting as an opportunity to leave, so she quickly slipped out the door.

"Hey, I kind of lied to your receptionist downstairs. If anyone asks, I work for CNN," Vanessa said as she walked in. She paused in front of his desk and looked around the space. "This is a pretty impressive operation."

"Thanks. It's been a lot of hard work." He motioned for her to sit. "What are you doing in the city? Dan said you were in Chicago or something?"

Nate always had a soft spot for Vanessa, even after all the fighting and stupid vengeance years ago. He barely even remembered most of what went down. He knew she always did the right thing, even if it came at the expense of someone she cared about and that was always difficult to understand. That being said, he didn't have any hard feelings. Vanessa removed herself from their world and didn't look back. He knew she had been doing video journalism for networks throughout Europe for years and worked freelance for news agencies across the country. In fact, she had even provided Nate some footage and a few tips before.

"Yeah. Chicago is closer to my parents. Uhm, my sister just got married over the weekend so I had a few days to catch up with people." Vanessa paused as a small smirk grew on her face. "I ran into Dan and your girlfriend on Friday."

Nate managed to avoid sighing as she mentioned Mackenzie.

"You two make a lot of sense," Vanessa continued. "She's got a good heart and so do you."

"Uh, thanks. We've hit a bit of a rough patch lately, actually." He wasn't sure why he said that out loud.

"Mackenzie and I didn't really get along when we were kids. In fact, I'm not sure we would get along really well now."

"Really?" He leaned forward on his desk. Frankly, he loved hearing stories about Mack as she grew up. There was something about picturing a stubborn, button nosed Mackenzie that made his heart warm.

"Oh yeah. I think it bothered her that Dan and I were so close. I had an aunt who used to call me Nessie and I hated it. And the minute Mack heard that, it's literally all she has called me for years. I mean, it's harmless really, a very gentle form of being mean but she always has a tendency to stick to things. Although I can't imagine her calling me anything else now. I guess that's being stubborn."

It made Nate laugh picturing a young, irritated Mackenzie trying to be spiteful to a young, irritated Vanessa.

"All that to say," Vanessa continued. "Whatever rough patch you're going through, I'm sure you'll come out on the other side even stronger. Between the two of you, both humans who have a tendency to really go hard and commit to things, it sounds like you're in it for the long haul."

Nate let his shoulders relax as he sighed. "Well, thanks. I'm sure you didn't come here to give me advice but I appreciate it, Vanessa."

"Well, now you can do me a favour. Or, what I'm trying to say is I have some information that just might be beneficial for both of us." Vanessa paused and looked around the room quickly. She got up and shut the door. "What do you know about Congressman Peterson?"

Nate narrowed his eyes as he looked at her. "What do you know?"

Richard Peterson was a member of Congress for New York State. Nate knew him well enough - but not in a positive way.

"I published some news about him last year and he sued The Spectator."

Vanessa nodded her head like she just got the information she needed, like the last puzzle piece put into place. "I think whatever you reported was true. If it's the same information I just found out. I was just on a contract for The Huffington Post and some interns from his office crossed my path. I found some stuff but I don't know what to do with it. I was hoping we might be able to work together."

Nate tilted his head to the side. That was a can of worms he wasn't sure he was prepared to open. But, he wasn't the type to turn down a lead. "Do you want to go and talk about this over lunch?"

'Would you come over tonight? Please. 7 o'clock?'

'Sure'

Nate rolled his eyes at Mackenzie's response: Sure.

As frustrated as he was feeling, he knew they had to get ahead of whatever this fight was. For both of their sakes. His afternoon had gotten completely off track, considering the information from Vanessa was overwhelming, and all he wanted to do was have dinner with Mackenzie and catch up on their days.

And hopefully they would do that, once they were past the fighting part.

Around seven, there was a knock at his door. Nate sat up from his spot at the table, laptop open and papers spilled out, and opened it to reveal Mackenzie standing there, buttoned up in a long coat, hair falling down to one side, arms crossed.

"Did you lose your key?" Nate smirked as she walked in, quickly closing the door behind her.

"Felt weird just…walking in, I guess," Mackenzie replied. She took off her coat and kicked off her boots. The weather had really shifted from unseasonably warm to winter chill in the last few days.

Nate watched Mackenzie as she walked into the living room, anxiously tugging at her sweatshirt and running her hands through her hair. He hated seeing her so uncomfortable but as much as he wanted to rush over to her and caress her cheeks or hold her hand, he knew they had to talk before anything else.

"You look -

"Like shit?" Mackenzie cut him off, as she took a seat at the end of the couch. Nate planted himself on the other end, shifting to face her.

"I was going to say tired," he said, shaking his head.

"Yeah, well, I haven't slept much since Thursday."

"Yeah."

They both sat in silence for a few moments.

Nate sighed, "So, how was your weekend?"

She laughed in response and tangled her hands in her lap. "Uh. Fine, I guess. Dan came by Friday and we had lunch. We ran into Vanessa." She paused to sigh. "Uhm, I called my dad the other day, too."

"Really? How did that go?" He was surprised she had taken that step. Although, he could already tell it must not have gone well.

She let out a dry laugh and rolled her eyes. "Terribly. I mean, it actually started out okay but...I called him selfish, he called me selfish. The whole thing blew up in like six minutes." She paused and looked down at her hands. "I don't know. Maybe it's unfixable."

Nate desperately wanted to slide down the couch and take her hands in his and assure her that no, it's fixable. Of course it's fixable. Everything is fixable.

But he seemed to be frozen where he was.

She looked up at him and shook her head, crossing her arms. "What about your weekend?"

"I assume you saw that picture…"

"Of course I saw that picture. Like a dozen people sent it to me." Mackenzie paused. "Please tell me you didn't.."

"Didn't what?"

"I don't know, go home with Cassandra?"

"What? Of course not. Mack, come on. We're not broken up. I just.. I was really upset Friday and thought a night out would help or at least distract me."

"It's good to know Cassandra Kennedy is a distraction for you."

"That's not fair." Nate rolled his eyes. "It wasn't the best way to try and fix my mood and I've felt like shit for like three days since then. So, we all ended up hanging out, shared the Rockefeller limo and I came home and passed out. I could hardly function all weekend, I was wholed up in the apartment by myself."

It was evident he was paying for his night out. Mackenzie just nodded and bit her lip. "You could have at least called me back yesterday."

"Yeah. I could have, I guess. I just..didn't know what to say."

A silence fell between them.

"I'm sorry, you know," Mackenzie finally sighed. "For not telling you the whole truth about Carter."

"Mack, I just can't figure out why. This dishonesty thing..it's new for us and I don't like it. You asked for my detailed dating history but decided to leave out that certain one-time thing. And I had to hear about it from Baizen himself. Do you understand how that made me feel?"

"Nate, when I told you I had dinner with him, you nearly imploded. How was I supposed to tell you I also woke up in his bed? We had just gotten back together, I didn't want to risk losing that, losing you again." She looked down. "Not telling you was a mistake."

"No, it was a choice."

She hated his tone. Even if it was a fair statement. She fought back the urge to roll her eyes and let out a long breath.

"I just keep thinking about.. Him. Kissing you. I just.. I hate the idea of anyone being that close to you, especially him."

"So, are you mad because I slept with Carter Baizen or because I lied about it? Because if it was any other guy, I doubt you'd be looking at me with such disgust. I don't know him like you do Nate, you can't sit there and scold me for that. I don't know what your history is with him that you can't seem to let go of, but that's not my fault."

It was Nate's turn to sigh. This was just going to keep going in circles unless he swallowed his pride.

"I couldn't care less about him. I just don't like that you lied to me about it. Were you just never going to tell me?"

Mackenzie took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "Honestly, yes. I was hoping you would never find out."

"What? Why?"

"Because it doesn't matter, Nate. None of that matters. Yes, I shouldn't have withheld that information from you. That was...immature and I should really have more confidence in us. It turns out my trying to avoid upsetting you just led to hurting us both and that sucks and it's my fault. So I really hope you can forgive me. But please, you've gotta understand I was just really anxious about you and me."

Nate just stared at her from his end of the couch.

"I'm still anxious about this all the time, Nate. I'm really trying but I just can't help but think I could do worse and you could do way better. You have Kennedys and Rockefellers and all these other options available to you and for months now, deep down, all I can worry about is when you'll figure it out and move up."

"Mack, c'mon. How am I supposed to be mad at you when you say heartbreaking stuff like that?" He slid over on the couch. "Come here."

"I don't like fighting with you." Her voice was soft as she leaned into him. "I'm really sorry I didn't tell you that whole story."

"It's okay." He rubbed her arm gently, laying a kiss on top of her head as she held onto him.

Forgiveness.

They stayed in that position for a little while longer. Mackenzie rested her head on his chest as Nate ran his hands through her hair, pressing small kisses onto her forehead.

"Hey I ran into Viv on Friday night," Nate said as she sat up, turning to face him.

"Oh yeah. She texted me about that. She said you were, and I quote, drunk and rude and out of character."

"I'll apologize next time I see her, I really was a mess on Friday."

"Well, clear skies ahead, babe," she replied with a smirk, leaning into his lips.

Nate pulled away from him, a classic Archibald smile plastered on his face. "Are you hungry? Pizza?"

Mackenzie nodded her head and stood up off the couch. "Thin crust, please. And no olives, you psycho."

Nate stood up too, his head tilted back slightly as he laughed. "Okay." He wrapped his arms around her before she walked away from him. Having her in front of him, eyes twinkling with laughter, nose scrunched up, his heart felt so perfectly full.

"And a back rub later?"

"I would love a back rub, thank you."

She swatted at his chest as he pulled her close. "If you rub my back, I will rub anything you want, Archibald."

"Do you need a cold shower? Let me buy you dinner first, Humphrey. I'll need some stamina for make-up sex."

She kissed him once more then broke away from his embrace. "I'm just going to change out of these leg prisons, then."

Nate laughed and smacked her ass as she turned away and headed down the hall.

Even though she hadn't officially moved in, a large amount of Mackenzie's clothes had found a new home in Nate's closet. She walked into the bedroom and ducked into the bathroom quickly. She glanced in the mirror and ran a hand through her hair, pushing it to one side of her shoulder.

Her whole body felt so relaxed - finally. After days of worrying about their relationship, all they needed was an honest conversation. She felt better having climbed over the mountain that was her fight with Nate. Next, maybe her dad would get his head out of his ass and -

Mackenzie's train of thought derailed when she noticed something shining on the corner of Nate's bathroom counter. Her eyes narrowed as she swept her hands over the side of the sink, grabbing the … earring.

Who.. did this belong to. Why was it in Nate's bathroom? It wasn't hers. Maybe.. No, he wouldn't have lied about Cassandra.

She took it in her hand and analyzed quickly. A pink diamond studded earring. She felt her heart rate skyrocket as she rushed through the bedroom and back to the living room. The thoughts coursing through her mind were not irrational and she knew there had to be a reasonable explanation for the…

"Hey, pizza should be here in -

"Nate, what the.. What is this?"

Nate took a step toward her as she paced in front of the kitchen. She was swearing under her breath.

"Mack, stop. What are you talking about?" Nate cut her off as she turned and put his hands on her shoulders. She squeezed her eyes shut and stuck her hand out.

"Whose earring is this?"

"What?" He took the small piece of gold jewelry from her and fixed his eyes on it.

He closed his eyes and leaned his head back, letting out a frustrated sigh. Last night…

Once Taylor calmed down, Nate implied heavily he was tired and needed to sleep, explaining he would see her at work the next day. She pulled herself off the couch and glanced down at her phone.

"I'll grab a cab," she said quietly. She ran a hand through her hair and smiled at Nate. "I'll see you in the morning." As she walked toward the door, Nate smiled and returned to sit at his table, organizing all the papers laid out with his laptop. "Do you mind if I just use your bathroom before I go?"

"Yeah, of course. Just down the hall on the right."

Mackenzie shook Nate's other hand off her shoulder and headed towards the door, reaching for her coat.

Nate looked from his hand then up to her as she hurried away. "Where are you going?"

"I just feel like whatever you're about to explain is going to send me straight into a panic attack so I'm trying to get ahead of it." She stopped and turned around. "Actually, no. Who does that belong to? Was your mom here? Did she lose an earring in your ensuite bathroom?" She watched as Nate thought about what to say next. As if he was contemplating his next move.

He opened his mouth to reply, paused, then opened it again. "I think it must be Taylor's. She came over last night, she was -

"I'm sorry, what? Taylor? Was here last night? You slept with her?"

"What? No, Mack. I didn't fucking sleep with her." He sighed and crossed his arms. "She called me freaking out. She's having some mental health issues I guess, after the plane incident." Mackenzie just stared at him blankly. "I have no idea how her earring wound up in my bathroom, honestly. We were in the living room all night. She just used the bathroom before she left, I thought she'd use the one in the hallway and -

Mackenzie just rolled her eyes and crossed her arms, mocking his pose. "You told me you stayed home all day yesterday, shut off from the world. You couldn't even find it in you to call me back but you could take her call? And invite her over? You're the only person in the world who can comfort Taylor Wheeler through her trauma?"

"Mack, you need to calm down." He reached to grab her hand but she pulled away, taking a step back towards the door again. "She was crying on the phone. What was I supposed to do?"

"Not take her phone call at all? Maybe refer her to a therapist? Not invite her to our apartment!" Mackenzie felt tears forming behind her eyes. "Your apartment. Listen, I'm just gonna go."

"Please, just stay. Let's talk about this." Nate watched as she pulled on her coat and stepped back into her boots. He could tell she was spiraling. It took all of him not to tackle her to the ground at the door to stop her from leaving. He couldn't stand the idea of her crying her way back to Brooklyn, back to the empty loft, hyperventilating until she fell asleep. "Mack, please. I don't think you should be alone right now."

She grasped the door handle and paused. She felt his hand on her shoulder.

"Mack."

She shook it off and turned the handle. She let out a sigh and turned back to him before stepping into the hallway. Her voice was quiet, sober. "I don't like fighting with you, Nate."

One step forward, two steps back. Hurt is inevitable, isn't that what they always say? But how are they going to dig themselves out of this one.