Episode 17 - Angels with Unlucky Numbers, Part 2
When we last left our fan-favorite beta couple, Misato had just thought back to when Kaji had showed her the Angel living right in NERV's basement, the first of many major secrets that'd been revealed to her by her spook of a (formerly ex-) boyfriend. And now, while partaking in another clandestine conversation next to a few vending machines, she'd just learned that the Marduk Institute-the body tasked with selecting potential EVA pilot candidates-was actually a work of fiction concocted by NERV itself, if not Commander Ikari.
"You want confirmation?" Kaji whispered. "Check out Code 707."
"The kids' school?" Misato asked.
"Think about it," Kaji elaborated. "All those kids gathered in this particular city, most of them living in single-parent homes, most of those same single parents working here at NERV. You do the math..."
"Hey, Misato!" Asuka's voice called out from another end of the hallway, interrupting their conversation. Kaji quickly mouthed 'talk later' before they turned to address the two pilots coming their way, hand-in-hand.
"Something up?" Misato asked her charges.
"Dr. Akagi just wanted to see you about your business trip tomorrow," Shinji conveyed.
"Right, I'll head to her office then," she replied as she started on her way to that very destination. "Catch you later," she said to Kaji.
"Yes, ma'am!" Kaji said in a joking manner as he was soon left alone with the pilots. "Buy you guys a drink?" he offered as he turned to them.
"Well, I am kinda parched," Asuka replied as Shinji nodded in agreement. Soon the three of them were sitting on a bench overlooking the sunset above the Geofront, each drinking from a can of tea.
"Looks like your crush is a thing of the past these days, Asuka," Kaji noted. "Gotta say it breaks my heart a bit."
"Well, it was fun and all," Asuka said teasingly in a prim-and-proper tone, "but as you've known for a short while, I've...met someone." She then gazed at Shinji, who returned it with a smile.
"I guess the best man won, Shinji," Kaji said with a chuckle as he stood up and tossed his empty can in the recycling bin. "Mind if I show you two something?" A few minutes later, the three of them were at Kaji's little slice of home away from the Geofront, a small garden with a very specific crop.
"Nice melons," Shinji said as he looked over the fruit in question.
"Thanks," Kaji said in turn, "pretty firm, aren't they?"
"Hang on, aren't they square in Japan?" Asuka asked curiously.
"Oh, that?" Kaji replied. "Those are just something whipped up for the tourists. They're ornamental, nothing more. These, though? My personal hobby. Also make my own 'cooler' with 'em. Don't tell anyone though, I'm planning a launch at some point in the future."
"Uh, sure," Asuka said. "Still, begs the question..."
"Why watermelons?" Shinji asked, echoing her thoughts.
"It's all about that great feeling you get from nurturing something," Kaji explained, "along with seeing and learning about so many things in the process, until you get to the result."
The scene was then interrupted as we tuned back in to BennettTheSage at his desk, the chart back in its original place.
BTS [slightly annoyed]: "AS I WAS SAYING, if the fanfic's rated T, there'll be some 'minor suggestive adult themes', among other things, so if you're not 13 years or older, guess what? You're not gonna be reading this one." [Takes off the cutout of a pre-teen kid.] "BUT you've got video games and tablets anyway, so you won't care." [Puts an 'M' over the 'T'.] Now if the fanfic's rated M, then it contains stuff that's a bit more adult, the sort of stuff that Suave's more into. So unless you're 16 or older, then the parental blockers for the World Wide Web come on!" [Takes off the cutout of the two teenagers. Puts an 'A' next to the 'M'.] "Finally, if it's a fanfic that's rated MA, then guess what? No kids get to read it at all. Sorry, it's officially 'adult swim' online. I mean, even your grandma gets to read this stuff, 'cause she's been around a long time and knows things. But joke's on you, 'cause this website actually DOESN'T accept or publish explicit content, so you all had better look elsewhere to get your jollies. Thank you, hope this helps, and now we return to the story."
Suave [poking his head out from stage left, smugly grinning]: "Someone mention me?"
BTS [even more annoyed]: "GO AWAY! We've got a crossover to get back to, scram!"
The scene then returned to where we'd left off at Kaji's watermelon patch.
"That was weird," Kaji commented under his breath, "now, where was I? Oh yeah, seeing and learning things as you nurture something. Like what's enjoyable to you."
"And what isn't," Shinji said. "Like suffering. I know I definitely don't enjoy that."
"Ditto for me," Asuka added as she took his hand.
"Still," Kaji said, "knowledge of suffering helps you get a better perspective on life, makes you treasure the enjoyable moments more." At that moment, his phone rang, and he picked it up. "Ryoji Kaji, wingman with a plan, how may I help you?" Shinji and Asuka could hear some annoyed muttering coming from the other line. "All right, I'll bring 'em in. Over and out." He then hung up. "That was Misato, the sync test's starting in a bit. I'll walk you guys over."
A couple of hours later, the sync tests had concluded and the pilots had all showered and gotten changed. Just as they exited their respective locker rooms, they were met by Misato and Ritsuko waiting outside.
"Um, what's going on?" Shinji asked.
Misato momentarily looked to Ritsuko, who simply nodded, before she answered. "There's something we need to tell you..." she said.
Tokyo-3 Municipal Middle School, the following mid-morning...
The lunch bell was just a few moments from ringing before the PA came on unexpectedly.
"Attention, attention," the voice said, "Will Toji Suzuhara please report to the principal's office immediately? Shinji Ikari, Asuka Langley Sohryu, and Rei Ayanami, please report in as well."
Kensuke and Mayumi looked at the speaker before turning to each other. "What's going on?" she asked confusingly, "what'd they do?"
"Something tells me they're not exactly in trouble," Kensuke said, though he and Freakazoid probably had a good idea of why they were being called in. A couple of minutes later, all four students had entered the office, yet instead of their principal, standing in front of his desk were Misato and Ritsuko.
"Toji Suzuhara?" Ritsuko greeted as she extended her hand forward. "We met at Misato's promotion party a while back. I'm Dr. Ritsuko Akagi, head of NERV's scientific division."
"Oh, uh, nice meeting you again, I guess," Toji replied with some hesitation as he shook her hand. "So, why am I here?...You guys aren't still mad about me and Kensuke getting in the way when that electric whip angel ran amuck, are ya?"
"Oh no, not at all!" Ritsuko said reassuringly. "Granted, that was still a dumb thing you two did, but it's obvious you've learned your lesson."
"We're actually here because it does have something to do with EVA," Misato chimed in. "In a day or two, we'll be receiving a new Evangelion, Unit-03, and it's going to need a pilot." It was taking all of Misato's will to not tremble. "That said, the Marduk Institute," she began to say, facetiously emphasizing the name of the front organization, "has selected you to be that pilot, designation Sixth Child."
Toji's jaw was nearly on the floor when he heard those words. "ME?!" he asked worriedly.
"Yes, you," Ritsuko answered. "before you say anything, please just hear us out. I understand that you have a younger sister named Sakura, who was unfortunately injured in the first Angel attack, and has been recovering in the city's main hospital for a while now. We wouldn't be offering you this opportunity without any proper incentive. Simply put, if you agree to pilot Unit-03, we'll transfer Sakura to NERV HQ's state-of-the-art medical facilities, which will speed up her recuperation."
"Additionally," Misato added, "the reason that our three established pilots are here is to give you some input on any other concerns you might have." With that, she nodded for Shinji, Asuka and Rei to give their two cents.
"Honestly, when Misato told us about you being recruited, to say I wasn't pleased wasn't even the half of it," Asuka said, "That said, this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to help save the world, using mankind's ultimate weapon. If the Institute says you've got what it takes to join our elite corps, then more power to you. Just don't expect to knock me out of the top spot, got it?"
Shinji's statement wasn't as glorifying. "Still, you've seen what piloting's been like for me, even if it was just once," he started to say. "This isn't a game, lives are at stake, both yours and everyone's. The fact that you're being recruited like this is one thing you've got over me." Shinji was, of course, referring to the less-than-ideal means that first got him into an entry plug.
Rei's was more neutral. "No matter what you decide, we will support you," she said. "Given what is being offered, I would insist you take it, if only for your sister's sake. Were she to recover thanks to NERV's medical advancements, it would do you good to see her running and playing with kids her own age again."
Toji considered his friend's words for a moment, before facing Ritsuko and Misato again. "Got a question," he started to say, "Sixth Child? What happened with Four and Five?"
"Don't get your jock strap in a knot," Asuka said dismissively. "They're still alive, if you must know. They're based at NERV-2 in America. I just chatted with them over email the other day."
Toji, somewhat reassured, turned back to the two women in the room. "The best doctors, physical therapists, all that's guaranteed?" he asked.
"All guaranteed," Ritsuko answered, "it'll be outlined in your contract. And no fine print shenanigans either, I promise."
Toji then turned back to his friends, with Shinji giving him a reluctant nod, and then faced Ritsuko and Misato again, before finally holding his hand out. "I'll do it," he said as he shook Ritsuko's offered hand.
"Thank you," Ritusko said, "we're glad to have you aboard. We'll need you to come by HQ after school today to iron out the remaining details, fit you for a plugsuit, and make all the arrangements for Sakura's transfer. Once done, in the next few days we'll drive you to the test site in Matsushiro, where you'll participate in Unit-03's activation test, so remember to pack an overnight bag. Now that all this is settled, I think you guys should grab lunch while there's still time."
All four nodded and then proceeded to exit the office. Ritsuko then faced Misato with one arched eyebrow. "Did I detect a hint of sarcasm when you mentioned the Institute?" she asked.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Misato said in an even tone. Misato would never let Ritsuko know that she was beginning to see her longtime friend in a different light lately, and wondering just what else she was hiding along with the Commander.
Meanwhile, the quartet had just reconvened with their friends in room 2-A. Hikari immediately noticed the look of worry on Toji's face.
"What's wrong?" she asked. He looked up and gave a small sigh before he spoke.
"I was just given an offer..." he started to say. Soon enough, he and the pilots got them all caught up on Toji's decision to pilot the soon-to-arrive Unit-03. When it seemed like everyone's spirits were dashed, it was Mayumi, of all people, who attempted to cheer them up.
"You guys still have that double-date on Saturday, right?" she asked. "Well, why don't you make it a double-date you won't forget?"
"She's right," Kensuke added. "It'll be like those old war movies where the new recruit makes it official with his girl before they ship out the next day."
Shinji, Asuka, Toji, and Hikari looked at one another as they considered the suggestion, before turning back to Kensuke and Mayumi.
"Not a bad idea," Asuka said. "You two really are full of surprises, aren't ya?"
"W-well, we do try, sometimes," Mayumi said sheepishly.
"Maybe we should go out for an early dinner before the movie," Hikari chimed in.
"I'm game," Toji said in turn.
Shinji nodded affirmatively. "I'll start looking up places around town when we get home," Shinji said.
Outside the Tomoyuki Gardens restaurant, Saturday, late afternoon...
The quartet had just exited the restaurant and was on their way to the movie theater, having enjoyed a very delicious early dinner. (The place didn't get four-star reviews for nothing.) Toji, much to Asuka's surprise, had actually cleaned up nicely, wearing a dark blue suit jacket, a light blue dress shirt and a pair of slacks. Even his shoes were well-polished. Surprisingly, he'd crammed yesterday night to get the hang of good table manners, leaving her (and Hikari) even more stunned. Eventually they put that aside once they reached the box office.
"Four students for What's Up, Doc?," Asuka told the cashier behind the glass. As soon as the admission was paid and they were handed their tickets, they went inside and were directed to the screen the movie was being shown on. Once in, they found their seats just as the previews had finished, and the sounds of Barbara Streisand's version of "You're The Top" started playing...
Outside the theater, 94 minutes later...
The quartet exited the theater still in the grips of laughter, stopping next to a poster just so they could catch their breath.
"Aheheheh, I can't remember the last time I've laughed so much," Shinji said as he wiped a tear from his eye.
"What'd I say? I told you you couldn't go the entire movie without doing it," Asuka managed to get out in-between laughs.
"Can we-can we just stay here for a bit?" Hikari asked between giggles. "My sides need to settle down."
"Mine too," Toji said, followed by a fresh round of guffawing as he thought back to the movie's seemingly-never-ending car chase. "Gotta admit, Streisand was pretty good in this."
"Pretty good?" Asuka said with one eyebrow arched, before jumping into an attempt at a New York accent, "She was like buttah!"
"Like BUTTAH!" Hikari repeated in the same way with just as much hero-worship in her voice.
"Gee, all this talk about food's making me feel hungry, girls," a new voice said. All four turned to the source, and their eyes went wide when they saw who it was: Barbara Streisand herself, the guest of honor for the theater's retrospective.
"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Asuka and Hikari both screamed with delight, while Shinji and Toji's jaws fell right to the ground. They were even more shocked when they noticed the next thing their respective girlfriends did.
"We're not worthy! We're not worthy! We're not worthy! We're scum! We reek!..." Asuka and Hikari both squealed as they repeatedly prostrated themselves before the legendary singer/actress. Babs, for the most part, had an amused smile on as she held her hand out, while she turned to address us. "I love it when I make someone's day," she said with a wink.
To be continued...
**Author's Note(s)**
The calm before the haze-y storm that is Bardiel.
The melons line is slightly based on a part of the gag from Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me.
We finish off the bit with BennettTheSage much in the same way as the original Jack Valenti gag.
The Tomoyuki Gardens is named for Tomoyuki Tanaka, the movie producer who helped bring Godzilla and the sequels that followed to the big screen. This is in the vein of my previous bit with the Tezuka Bistro in the pre-Leiliel chapters, which was named after the 'godfather of manga' Osamu Tezuka.
The encounter with Barbara Streisand at the end (as mentioned, she was frequently caricatured on the 90's WB cartoons) riffs on two famous comedy bits involving Mike Meyers. The sudden appearance of Streisand and the screaming that followed comes from an early-90's "Coffee Talk" sketch from Saturday Night Live, while Asuka and Hikari's bowing is lifted from what Wayne and Garth do when meeting Alice Cooper in the original Wayne's World movie (and with Aerosmith in the sequel).