Chapter 23: Acceptance and Forgiveness ptI
Lelouch still couldn't face Euphie or Clovis. Everyone, seeing how upset and how guilt ridden he had become, asked Ruby and Yang's father Tai to help Lelouch out. Team RWBY and JNPR were told all about his life, Weiss and Yang understood his pain more than others because they either grew up without a parent or had a cruel parent.
" I've been told that you are dealing with a lot of personal issues?"
"Yes"
"Let's start at the beginning where it all started"
Lelouch told Tai everything. He started when his mother was killed and he and his sister were sent to Japan as political hostages and how he and his sister during the war on Japan had to cross battlefields and fields full of dead bodies until Milly had seen him outside their home and gave them a home, education, a new life. He explained how he loved shirley but kept his feelings hidden in fear she'd be harmed, he continued on about how he joined the BK hoping to help Britannia which isn't a total lie, he joined the BK as their leader Zero but wanted Britannia to be destroyed or changed from the outside. He continued when the SAZ happened and how he felt guilty for putting Euphie in a coma, then he talked about Shirley's kidnapping and how he had Geassed her, making her forget about those events. Lelouch moved onto the FLEIJA warhead detonating and how he thought he lost his sister and was at his lowest and nearly used, refrain on himself but was stopped and had Kallen comfort him.
"I see what's happening to you. Similar things had happened to me. My dad was killed by grimm and it was my mother and I for all my life, I took care of her when she was at her lowest"
"I started a family but both of my wives are gone. I was so sad but what stopped me from doing anything was Yang and Ruby. They were the light in my dark...Your family has already forgiven you and want their brother back not a shell of yourself"
"The first step to forgiveness is Identify your hurt. Pinpoint the source of where you're hurt, then Acknowledge your hurtful emotions. What are you feeling Lelouch?, Forgive yourself and let go, Forgive unconditionally, Be grateful and finally Love again."
"So tell me where do you hurt?"
"I hurt everywhere tbh, my heart feels hollow, my body feels like it could go numb any moment, and my head feels like it's gonna explode"
"And you acknowledge that you hurt?"
"Yes"
"Do you forgive yourself for what you did to Clovis and Euphie?"
"I...I...want to forgive myself but I can't forgive myself right now maybe tomorrow, maybe in the future but how can I forgive myself when I can't even protect those that I love?" Lelouch said breaking down in tears. Tai placed his arm around Lelouch holding him tightly in a hug allowing him to cry.
"Like I said before they forgive you now you must be willing to forgive yourself Lelouch, your parents may have betrayed you but you still have family and friends to care for you."
Lelouch broke off the hug wiping away his tears and tried to get the words out
"I can't forgive myself for what I did to them.. I want too"
"Lelouch what would shirley want?"
Lelouch looked at Tai with tears falling down his face. Tai could see in Lelouch's eyes a broken, sad, and depressed boy who only wanted peace and to live a normal life. "She'd...she'd want me to be happy and forgive myself for hurting my siblings when I wanted protect them"
Tai smiled, finally getting Lelouch to forgive himself. Now all Lelouch has to do is forgive his siblings unconditionally and finally love them again.
"Tai I don't feel like seeing anyone right now please tell them to leave me alone and thank you"
"No need to thank me, it should be me thanking you for protecting and guiding my daughters where you could. I understand your pain. I will always listen and try my best to help you out if you ever need me" Tai said before walking out the door and closing it allowing Lelouch to rest before he confronts his siblings. Everyone jerked up looking at Tai wondering if everyone was alright.
"It's taking a lot longer for him to convince himself. He's struggling to forgive himself for what he did to Clovis or even Euphie, but he was able to forgive himself"
"Lelouch needs time to himself, he says he doesn't want anyone to see him."
"He needs rest as I feel he might be going through a metamorphosis and will need to be looked after" Tai finished off.
"Thank you Mr. Xao Long for helping our brother out" Euphie said.
"Call me Tai and anything to help my two daughters' friends. When I was told what he was going through I understood his situation as I was in a similar boat and was willing to help...however he still has to forgive himself over Shirley's death which might take the longest time as hearing how much he loved her"
For the next two weeks Lelouch isolated himself from everyone not even coming out to get food which made everyone worry. Conelia, Jeremiah, Villetta, and a few Black Knight members occasionally came to check on Lelouch and see how he was doing.
"I can't do this. I failed to protect you Shirley what kind of person am I if I couldn't protect you even with Geass"
"I don't have the strength to protect those I care about, I couldn't even protect my sister. I truly am weak and a failure, I'll see you soon Shirley"
*Cold by NEFFEX*
Yeah
Everybody knows that I'm breaking down
Everybody knows I ain't fakin' now
Everybody knows my heart's vacant now
Yeah, she hates me now, I made mistakes, but now
I don't ever wanna be alone, I don't really ever feel at home
On my own, in the zone
That's the only way I know, feelin' low
'Bout to blow back up, here I go
I will never let the doubt creep in
Gotta pop a couple more Aspirin
I don't think I'll ever let you in
Easier to break it off as friends
I don't really understand myself
I don't really understand, need help
I don't wanna be left on the shelf
Couldn't even hear me if I yelled
It's so cold outside
I'm alone, I'm alright
It's so cold outside
I'm alone, I'm alright
Yeah, let's go
I don't wanna break down, always feel like I could break now
But I never let it take me to that place now
I won't ever let my thoughts get away now
I got better things to do, picking fate now
I just wanna be the best, call me great now
I don't know if I'm okay or insane now
I remember better days on the playground
Hoping I can find my way to a better place now
Even when I'm feeling down, I fight
Even when I don't know what is right
I'ma pick a side, and I'ma take pride
I will decide my fate and I
Will never let them tell me who I am
If you try to shape me, I'll be damned
Planted on the ground is where I stand
Never give up, that was always the plan
It's so cold outside
I'm alone, I'm alright
It's so cold outside I'm alone, I'm alright
Lelouch said smiling as he grabbed the gun from his dresser and put the gun against his head, his finger on the trigger ready to pull it, Lelouch closed his eyes and prepared to pull the trigger, that would end his life.
Lelouch remembered all the times he had with Shirley every single moment.
Cornelia had enough of Lelouch's self isolation and went to his room opening the door to see him holding a gun to his head while smiling. Cornelia slapped him and threw away the gun.
"I know you miss her but that doesn't mean you should take your life"
"Shirley accepted me for who I was, if there's something that man we call father is right about one thing it's that I'm weak,"
"You're not weak, you proved that many times as Zero and as Lelouch Vi Britannia"
"I couldn't save her even with my Geass, what makes you think I'm strong?"
"You survived the invasion of japan, you created a rebellion, you outsmarted me, Schneizel, and Clovis"
"Yet I lost because of fear, backstabbed by the person I called a friend and became a mindless slave thanks to him and father"
Cornelia immediately knew exactly who he was talking about. She clenched her fist and her face went from a sweet and innocent to a pissed off mama bear. Nunnally did tell them it but he did it all because of love.
"All because I hurt Euphie unintentionally"
"Lelouch I know you want to see Shirley and I may not have known her
but I know she'd want you to live.. Please Lelouch go forgive Clovis and Euphie they aren't mad and only wish for you to be happy if you refuse I'll drag your ass out"
Lelouch knew he couldn't argue himself out of this one and so he got out of his bed and followed Cornelia down stairs where everyone was relaxing. They looked over to the stairs to see Lelouch and Cornelia.
"Before he begins apologizing Suzaku you have a lot to answer for" Cornelia said charging Suzaku and punching him in the stomach sending him into the wall.
"Sister what are you doing?"
"Lelouch told me he was backstabbed by Suzaku and was brainwashed by our father all because of his love over you."
"Wait, Suzaku had a part in that? Schneizel said Lelouch and Suzaku were sent to the EU shortly after the pendragon assault but what did Suzaku do"
"He thought you died and hated me and wanted revenge during the battle on kamine island when I sent all the Black Knights to attack pendragon. We had a standoff and he shot my helmet and I thought I died but instead he dragged me to my father and requested he be granted the title of knight of round in exchange for me"
Everyone was shocked by this, Yang was pissed she hated him for doing that all because of love. She went over to Cornelia.
"Let me show you how to properly punch someone," Yang said, punching Suzaku in the face. Soon Clovis and Euphie joined in, slapping Suzaku like left and right then Blake, Weiss, Pyrrah joined in the beating.
"Alright that's enough as much I hate what he did the past can't be changed and he learned his mistake"
Lelouch said, grabbing a ice pack from the freezer in the kitchen and handing it to Suzaku.
"Serves him right for treating you like that, friends never should betray one another over love. Yes it hurts when someone you love dies but revenge is never the answer" Blake said looking at Lelouch. Everyone nodded in agreement with Blake.
"Clovis can we speak in private? I have something to say"
Clovis accepted Lelouch's request and went to the kitchen to talk.
"Clovis, I'm so sorry for what I did to you and for saying that to you back in the ghetto. I apologize for hurting you."
"I accept your apology and I understand that you only wanted answers at the time and wanted to stop me from killing the rest of the Japanese. I'll admit I acted selfishly" Clovis said. "I'm just happy to know you're alive and found some people that care for you" Clovis finished off hugging Lelouch.
"Thank you Clovis," Lelouch said before breaking off the hug.
"You want me to get Euphie?"
"That would be best"
Clovis walked out of the kitchen and told Euphie to head to the kitchen as Lelouch wanted to say something to her. Euphie nodded and left heading to the kitchen.
"Euphie I wanted to apologize for what I did back at the SAZ, my Geass accidentally activated, I was telling you how it works and it went off, you tried fighting it but ultimately you failed you injured hundreds of Japanese and killed more but the world forgave you mainly thanks to Schneizel distracting everyone with FLEIJA and me taking the throne."
"Lelouch I know it was an accident I never hated you for that, I knew you didn't want me to become like you and I would've been a shell of who I was had you not put me in a coma.. I still love you not just as a sibling, Lelouch you were the first boy I ever fell in love with" Euphie finished before kissing Lelouch catching him by surprise but Lelouch continued the kiss before breaking off.
"I love you Lelouch" "And I love you Euphie. But my favorite will always be Blake just so you know" She nodded understanding his reasons.
AN: Lelouch has been forgiven by Clovis and Euphie and has forgiven himself for putting them in a coma. Next chapter is Aftermath ptI. I had gone through several rewrites of this chapter before getting this one, a couple versions I had was Lelouch killing himself another was falling ill.
Suzaku became a punching bag and a ragdoll being punched and slapped by almost everyone for betraying Lelouch. Lelouch and Euphie have confessed their feelings for one another, and yes this Lelouch will have a harem as of right now it's Blake, C.C, Kallen and Euphie soon Weiss will follow as for other characters I'm thinking of doing SuzakuxYang, CorneliaxGuilford or CorneliaxLelouch right I'm more on the guilford edge, then Ruby is up in the air right now.
As stated in my last chapter I have a second story called Code Geass: Lelouch B312 of the UNSC Autobot Resistance. If you have a better name for this story please tell me I'm struggling to create a fitting name for the 3 story crossover.