Chapter 18: I hate this story

I always thought that maybe things could've been different if I had just considered my choices, maybe it could have been better. Some of my choices I'm definitely not proud of, but I can't change them. My decisions were made in the moment where a choice had to be made and no one else would or could do it. Before Jacob died, he was the one to make the hard choices, he never put anyone else in that line of Fire. But after he died, no one knew what to do. With Grim gone, they put their faith in me as the strongest, the one to uphold and defend the family against all odds. And I failed them. I failed all of them. The family died under my watch and I couldn't avenge them. Now Micheal has made our family as his own and used me as a tactical weapon to rally his way to the top. If all I'm remembered as is a monster and a killing machine, then I don't want to be remembered at all.

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"LEIA!" I heard someone shout through the silence. Before I could finish this tale, something had pushed me and I fell to the ground. I had dropped the gun and it was nowhere to be seen, nor was the interior of the garage. The walls had twisted into the ring of an arena with me as the gladiator. I looked to see what had intervened and saw an amalgamation of shadowy figures approach from the other side of the ring.

One had tried to tackle me, but a swift knee to the center had dropped the figure like an anchor to waves. One of the smaller ones had kicked the back of my knee and I recoiled to the impact. Two of them grabbed my arms and apprehended me. I tried to fight, but they had too strong of a grip. One of the figures came up to me and punched me in the cheek. My ears rang and my vision started to mix fantasy and reality. My body slumped, but I was still conscious. Even if my vision and hearing were beyond fucked, I could still make out what was actually happening outside my mind. "Come on Leia." It was my other half, Luna, responsible for the punches. Luan and Lori were the ones holding me in place. My twin had sorrow written on her face, but winded up for another punch. Just then, I saw Mom and Dad rush in and stop Luna. I couldn't make out voices, only muffled noises of the events unfolding around me. My sisters had let go of me and I met with the concrete once more.

I staggered onto my feet, but I fell onto the desk behind me. Those punches did a number on me, I think if she had hit me again I could've really dropped. I shook my head and eventually my senses were in full swing. I heard shouting from my parents and uproar from my siblings. Luna, Luan, Lori and Lynn has intervened in my suicide, but my parents wouldn't listen to them trying to explain the situation. I saw my father reach for his belt which is unlike him to do so, guess he was really pissed this time. I didn't want him to hit my sisters, I had to intervene. I spotted the revolver on the ground and quickly picked it up. Just as Dad was about to take off his belt, I fired the gun at the ceiling and everyone's eyes fell upon me as the room went silent.

"We all done?" I said as I lowered the gun to my hip. "What is going on?" Dad demanded an answer. "She tried to kill herself." Lynn said. "What?" Mom was surprised and horrified. The room fell silent again. "Yes." I admitted. "I did try to kill myself and they intervened." Here comes that feeling of guilt again. Mom was crying again and Dad didn't know what to say. "W-Why? Why would you do that?" Mom said through the tears. God I'm really a piece of work. "Luna?" I grabbed the attention of my twin. "How much did you tell them?" I already knew the answer, but I needed to be sure. "Everything, man. Everything you told me in the bathroom." She said. I faced away from my family, I couldn't stare at their faces any longer. "Then they know what I did out there?" I said. "Well it's true. All of it." I looked down at Dad's revolver and placed it on the desk in front of me. "I guess it's time I should tell my story. Pull up a chair, or whatever to sit on." A few of them sat down, but some were still standing. I sat down on Lassie to try and make myself comfortable.

"Leia, whats going on?" Lori said. "Yeah. You're like a bull, one minute you're fine and the next you're nuts." Lynn joined. I stayed silent for a bit. I sighed. "When I ran away, I was picked up by a motorcycle gang on the outskirts of town, The Fallen Eagles we were called." I began. "We had a system, there were the normal runners and the leader. The leader had a metal eagle mounted to the front of their bike to signify their role." Luan interrupted. "But you have the mantle, does that make you leader?" She pointed out. "I'm getting to that." I said. "My job was to take care of the new members and be a babysitter to the children that joined. The only way to join is if the world fucked you over and left you behind. One girl joined and we would later be lovers, so there's that." There were coo's and aw's from my sisters. "She was beautiful. Long red hair, cute freckles, understanding, kind, I named my cat after her." I'll never forget her as long as I live. "Our leader, Jacob, was a hard headed fellow, but he brought me up in a world that was cruel and unkind to people like us. We were rejects, and the Eagles accepted us. Not to say he was reluctant with me at first, but that's only because I was the first member to join at a young age." I had a smile on my face as these memories flowed, but that smile soon sunk as I was getting to the next part. "Jacob was murdered by one member, Grim. He was stronger than the rest of us, but he was also more greedy and selfish. He killed Jacob in hopes to relieve our gang of control and start a new gang of his own." The family were hanging onto every word I said. "We had a home, a place we could call our own. But I had to burn it down, so we could get our revenge. We raised an army against Grim and found him and his gang hiding in a casino in Vegas. We stormed the casino and killed that son of a bitch on the roof." I told the events. "I think I read about that on the news. Something about motorcycle gangs joining up and killing members who left." Dad said. "Yeah, that was us." I said. "After all that, we didn't know what to do. We threw the title of leader at everyone, but it eventually fell on Dallas. He made a deal with some guy named Micheal in Texas to let us stay at his shop while we worked on getting up on our feet again. We were there for two years and eventually that got to other members." Tears started to fall from my eyes. "I-I was sleeping one night with Cass and..." I could feel my throat clog up. "Melissa was a trusted member, she's the reason why the Eagles didn't ditch me in the first place...She was like a mother to me." My head lowered to the concrete floor. "Jacob was a hard loss, he was my father and I held him as he died." My mother sat next to me and rubbed my back. "I woke up the next morning in a dumpster behind the shop, covered in bruises. I dug my way out and went back inside. What I saw...I-It was horrible." My voice was shaky. "Everyone. Everyone I had ever loved or cared about...dead...slaughtered in the night. I can still see the blood on the walls." My hands started to tremble as I balled them up into fists. Anger started to fill my being again. "Micheal survived. He told me Melissa killed them all, I don't know why she let me live." Mom held onto me. "If you don't want to tell it, you don't have to Leia." Mom said trying comfort me, but I didn't listen.

"There were children damnit, children I had to bury along with the rest of my family. I upgraded my bike and took my weapons from the storage closet, I also took a suit of riot armor the Rioters gave to us as a peace offering. I hunted Melissa down and found out she had taken control of a rival, violent gang, The Vipers. I knew where they were, so I..." I could feel my pride being shoved out my throat. "I killed them. I killed them all." I said under my breath, but just enough for them to hear. "I remember I cried when I came back to my senses, but I still had to find Melissa. She was in the main trailer, but I only found her corpse, she had shot herself during the fight." I didn't want to even look at my family, I was so ashamed. "I'll never know why she did the things she did, but I know that it was over. I took the mantle and drug money with me and left. I was-I was the only surviving Eagle left, I had no home, no friends, no family, no nothing. My brothers, my sisters...my lover...all dead." I swallowed my grief. "This was the only place I could think of at the time, that's why I came back." I told them everything that lead me here.

"I was riding for days with no food, water, or sleep. I deprived myself of such luxury in hopes that maybe I would die in the middle of nowhere." I said. "I stopped in a city and helped some family store from being robbed. They took me in and forced me back into shape, can't say I hold it against them. That's where I got the cat. I was back on the road the next day and I eventually reached Royal Woods. I was hungry, so I stopped at some diner, you guys know the rest." I hate this story, I hate it with a passion. "Lisa ran some tests on me and told me everything. She said I had Antisocial Personality Disorder, minimal brain damage, which would explain my red mist, and survivors guilt." I told them everything. Everything that I had done and I didn't sugarcoat it. I was broken, shattered, barely sane. I deserved to be behind bars or in a straight jacket. "Every bad thing that happens to me, every pain that can hurt me, I deserve it more than anyone." I believed that.

I should be kicked out and shunned again, I was a danger to myself and everyone around me. I wouldn't be surprised if they hated me, I already hate myself. I was ready for anything they could throw at me. Curses, punches, stabs, anything. But what I wasn't ready for was my mother's embrace. She has grappled her arms around and started stroking my hair. "My little girl." She said through tears. "I'm so so sorry." The rest of my family members in the room came up and joined in the hug, even Lynn. I don't deserve this, but it definitely felt nice. We all stayed in this hug for a bit longer and eventually broke up. "Leia." Dad wanted my attention. "I am so sorry for what happened to you out there. I promise that things will be better and we'll definitely get you the help you need." This didn't make sense. "You-You guys aren't horrified?" I couldn't believe it. "Leia, you've been through the gutter and still came out swinging." Dad said. "But you desperately need others right now, you can't be alone."

"Come on, I'll order pizza. We'll all eat together as a family." Dad felt sorry for me and so did the others, I couldn't believe it. "Come on kids. We should go set the table." Mom said as the others followed, except Lynn. Lynn stood in front of me, but not in her usual victorious stance. "Hey." She said. "Hey." I replied. There was an awkward silence between us. "Look..I owe you an apology." She said. "What for?" I asked. "For everything. I started the whole 'Loser Leia' thing and drove you away...I knew you were dangerous, but you do care about us. Otherwise, you wouldn't have fought for Leni." I think this was the first time I've ever seen Lynn Loud Jr. defeated. "I'm sorry I was a jerk. You're my sister, and I shouldn't have been so cruel, especially after what you told us." I guess she did have a center after all. "Look, Lynn, I don't place any of the blame on you. You've certainly got more talent than me for sure. Hell, I don't even think I have a talent." I said. Lynn sat down next to me on my bike. "I'm sure you've got something." She said. I didn't reply. "Look, how about we all try something out this weekend?" Try and found out what my talent is? "Alright, I'll take you up on that." I said. "Cool. Anyway, we should get inside. Its getting dark out." That was true. I got up and followed Lynn inside. I don't know what's going to happen, but I'll ride this road. I still have a few issues to iron out, but maybe I won't stand alone.