A/N: Happy Sunday!
"Hey, gimme a second to just finish this document up real quick."
Through the phone, Regina could hear the clacking of Emma's keyboard. She waited, tears in her eyes, until the final keystroke was done.
"Right, sorry, you caught me mid-flow. What's up?"
"Kat just yelled at me."
"What? Why?"
Regina could practically hear the blonde sitting bolt upright in her chair, protective mode firmly in place. "Well, it seems she thinks I've made a mistake taking you back."
There was silence. Then a quiet, "oh."
"I don't think I've made a mistake," Regina clarified quickly, swiping away the tears which continued to roll down her cheeks. "But Kat seems to think that I'm deluded. The conversation started off fine. Well, I think she was just fishing for gossip and thought that we'd just had sex because we were stuck in the house together. But then when I told her that we're trying to make things work and that I still love you and that we're working through your addiction together, she just turned … mean."
"Mean? What did she say?"
"She said I was a fool for still loving you. She told me that you'd slip up again. She said addicts don't change and that she didn't want to have to pick up the pieces next time you make a mistake."
Again there was a long silence. Regina suddenly felt nervous about the fact that she'd dumped all of this on Emma. The reaction of her friend was Regina's business, not Emma's. Yet, being in a relationship meant sharing these sorts of things, supporting one another. Regina just wasn't sure if Emma was ready for such eviscerating criticism from Regina's closest friend.
"I'm sorry," came the whispered response eventually.
"What are you sorry for?" Regina asked. "You didn't do anything wrong. Kat's the one who should be apologising. Why can't she just be happy for us?"
"Because I did do something wrong. My wrong-doing started all of this in the first place. And while I don't agree with the way Kat has gone about expressing how she feels, I understand where she's coming from. She's trying to protect you, Regina. And I hate that she thinks she has to protect you from me but I get her hesitation. After all, as far as she knows, I'm the wife of her friend who gambled away our son's future and broke your heart. Isn't it natural for her to be wary of this?"
"Are you defending her?" Regina asked, frowning.
"I'm saying I understand her motivation. But she shouldn't have spoken to you like that. She should have been supportive of what you've chosen."
"Yes, but she wasn't. She was cruel to me and to you."
"Look, babe," Emma said, and Regina could imagine her at her desk, running her hand through her hair. "I know you want all our friends to be happy for us but you have to realise that this is going to be a surprise for a lot of them. I mean, it was a surprise for us too, right? Maybe Kat just needs a little time to process, to get used to the idea of us being together again, and to work through whatever feelings she has towards me. Because that anger or whatever you felt from Kat, it wasn't directed at you. It was meant for me. I'm the one she doesn't like. I'm the one she doesn't trust. And we've just thrown her a curveball. It's going to take time for her to get on board. But we can be patient, can't we? And if she sees that we're really serious and that we're working hard on our relationship, I'm sure she'll come around."
Regina sighed and leaned back in her chair. "How are you so understanding?" she asked.
"I dunno," Emma replied. "I guess I've had a lot of practice with people not trusting me. Comes with the territory of being an addict. You grow to accept it and to recognise that you need to work harder than usual to gain people's trust. But I did it with you and I can do it with Kat."
"You're an amazing person, Emma."
"Not as amazing as you. Give Kat time. She'll come around. Are we still on for dinner tomorrow night? Oh and I phoned this morning to confirm our appointment with Archie for Friday at four. I can pick you up after your last lecture and we can drive over together if you like."
"You know my schedule?"
"Of course," Emma replied. "Not in a stalker way. But I'm an observant wife for the most part. I know you have a seminar at two on a Friday which finishes at half past three. That's why I booked the appointment for four. So, does that work for you?"
"Perfectly. And yes, we're still on for tomorrow. I thought we could make pizzas. Henry wanted to get take out and we compromised on homemade pizza."
"I can't wait. Look, I've gotta go. Work stuff. Thank you for calling and talking to me. I'll head over after work tomorrow so I'll be with you soon after five. If you need me to pick anything up on my way home, lemme know."
"Home, huh?" Regina asked with a teasing tone. There was a hesitation on the other end of the phone as Emma struggled to find the right words. Regina decided to put her out of her misery. "I'll see you at home tomorrow, dear. Have a great day. I love you."
"I love you too."
Shortly after three on Friday afternoon, Emma drove into the parking lot behind Regina's faculty building. She was early. Deliberately. Grabbing her purse, she got out of the car and strolled into the building, looking far more calm than she felt and far more confident than her frayed nerves let her know.
The familiar corridors reminded Emma that she hadn't stepped foot in the college for over six months. During their marriage, it had not been uncommon for her to meet Regina during or after work but since their separation, she had stayed clear from the woman's place of work. Nevertheless, the journey to the woman's office was etched in her memory. Except she didn't stop at the door embossed with her wife's name and instead carried on down the corridor, stopping right at the end.
She hesitated for a moment before raising her fist and rapping sharply on the door.
"Come in," called the voice from inside.
Emma turned the door handle and let it swing open. She didn't cross the threshold however, deciding that the person inside had the right to deny her entry despite having initially granted it. Sure enough, her presence was not anticipated and thin eyebrows rose at the sight of the woman in the doorway.
"Emma. What are you doing here?"
"Good afternoon, Kat. I was wondering if you had a moment to speak with me."
For some reason, Emma always found herself speaking more properly whenever she was interacting with Regina's colleagues. Around the brunette, she had got over her inferiority complex when it came to the fact that she didn't have as many diplomas and degrees to her name. The other lecturers and professors, however, continued to make Emma feel uneasy, undereducated. Kat was the only one of Regina's colleagues whom Emma knew well, having hosted the woman at their house any number of times. Nevertheless, she was still nervous as the woman surveyed her for several moments before answering.
"Yes, I suppose I have ten minutes. Come in. Close the door."
Emma did so, feeling like a student who was about to be reprimanded for plagiarism. She slid into the chair opposite the professor and crossed her legs, trying to hide the slight tremble that had taken up residence in her calves.
"So," Kat said, closing the book out of which she had been taking notes and surveying Emma over the desk. "What would you like to talk about?"
"Regina told me about your conversation," Emma said at once. The brunette had filled her in on everything which had been exchanged between the two colleagues after Henry had gone to bed on Tuesday. The woman had cried again, bemoaning the loss of a friend. Emma had comforted her, silently planning her visit to Kat's office to see if she could mend bridges.
"Right, I see. And you're here to tell me you've changed, I suppose?" The tone told Emma that if that had been her plan, she would have been fighting a losing battle.
"No, I'm here to tell you I agree with you."
The woman on the other side of the desk clearly hadn't been expecting that as her eyes widened slightly and she nodded her head, a silent indication that Emma should continue.
"You're right. I'm an addict," Emma said, spreading her hands wide. "I'll always be an addict. That's part of who I am and I can't change that. But what I can do is try every single day to resist those urges and to do what's right for me and my family. I was doing that for fifteen years with great success. Then, well, as you know, I fucked up. And now I'm trying to make it right."
"And what's to say you won't fuck up again?" Kat asked, not at all won over by Emma's honesty.
"I can't guarantee I won't make mistakes," Emma admitted. "In fact, I probably will. But I'm going to work on my recovery every day, and every day I'm going to strive to be better for my family."
"So, does that mean you weren't thinking about your family last summer when you started gambling again? Forgive me, Emma, but if Regina and Henry weren't enough to stop you gambling back then, what's changed?"
"I've changed," Emma said simply. "I realised what I had because of what I lost. And sure, that's the wrong way round and that's not to say that I didn't recognise how amazing Regina and Henry are before then. But losing them both, having to walk away from my family home, that was the sucker punch I needed to wake up. I won't let myself go back there, Kat. I won't let myself lose them again. And that's what's fuelling my recovery now. I'm doing this for myself but more importantly I'm doing this for Regina and Henry. They're my world, you know that. They mean everything to me and I will spend the rest of my life trying to make up for my mistakes."
"If that's even possible."
Emma nodded in agreement. "You're right. What I put them both through is inexcusable and unforgivable. Maybe things will never get back to where they were but maybe we'll get to somewhere better. Whatever happens, I think both Regina and I owe it to ourselves to try. We owe it to Henry too. I love Regina, Kat. You know that. I never stopped loving her. I never will stop loving her. And I totally understand why you're hesitant about this. I get that I hurt her and that I wasn't there to deal with the mess I left behind. But that was because Regina wasn't ready to let me back in. And I'm thankful that she had you. You're such a good friend to her, and I'm grateful to know that she had you as her support system. Regina loves you and respects you so much, Kat. That's why I'm here."
"To tell me I'm a good friend?"
"To tell you that I'm sorry for what I did and to show you that I'm serious about making things work with Regina. But I can't do this alone. I need you too, Kat. Regina values your opinion and your support. That's why she turned to you when our marriage fell apart. She needed you then and she needs you now. She was so cut up on Monday when she called me. She wants you to be happy for us. She wants your approval. But she's also going to need your support.
"I'm going to mess up, Kat. Not necessarily with my gambling but in some other way. It's a marriage, right? People fuck up. That's the nature of relationships. And when that happens, I want Regina to be able to come to you and bitch about whatever it is I've done and then you can rant about me together. But at the end of the day, Regina is going to come back home to me. I trust in that just like Regina trusts in me. But it isn't going to be easy and she needs your support. So, are you going to let my flaws get in the way of your ability to be Regina's friend?"
"You think this is all about you, don't you? Everything is the Emma Swan show in your life, isn't it?" Kat laughed cruelly. "I'm not angry at you, Emma. I couldn't give a shit about your gambling addiction. I'm angry at Regina for not seeing through your act. You are an addict. There's no denying that. And you won't change. You can't change. Regina seems to think she can cure you but we both know she can't and I'm not going to sit around and watch you destroy her again."
"Regina is under no illusion," Emma shot back. "We've talked about addiction extensively. We both know there's no 'cure'. Regina isn't deluded into thinking she can solve my problems. But she can help me and be part of my recovery. That's all I need from her, Kat. We're communicating about everything to do with my gambling now. How can you be angry at Regina for trying to save her marriage?"
"It wasn't Regina who destroyed the marriage."
"No, it was me. I hold my hands up to that. But repairing the marriage takes two. We're both willing to put the work in because we think what we share is worth it. I make Regina happy, Kat."
"You didn't last October," the other blonde scoffed.
"No, but you've known us for years. We were happy before then. Fifteen years of happiness isn't cancelled out by one stupid mistake. Yes, I damaged what we had but there's still something between us and both Regina and I think it's something worth trying to save."
"Then you're both deluded. This isn't going to end well for anyone involved and Regina's making a mistake giving you a second chance." The anger practically vibrated off the other woman as she spoke, eyes narrowed in the direction of the person for whom she felt unbridled hate.
Emma sighed and got to her feet, knowing the conversation wasn't doing any good. "Well, maybe this is why you haven't had a relationship last longer than a year, Kat. It's not all sunshine and rainbows but when you get past the dark times, that's when the really strong, long-lasting relationships emerge. I hope one day you find someone you feel is worth fighting for."
With that, Emma got to her feet and walked out of the office, down the corridor towards Regina's where she leaned against the wall and waited for her wife, mulling the previous conversation over in her mind.
A/N: Again, I was expecting Emma to win Kat around when I started this conversation. Clearly that didn't happen!