Alex hadn't expected to miss Emily so much...
She hadn't expected it to be easy to be apart after spending so much time together for so long...but she also hadn't expected to be constantly thinking about her, wondering if she was moving on, if she missed her too... She hadn't realized exactly how much space Emily occupied in her heart.
Honestly, she was starting to think she'd made a really big mistake in asking for time apart.
(Admitting that to herself was hard enough, admitting it to Emily was going be a feat of monumental strength...and all she could do was pray that Emily agreed to take her back.)
All those thoughts were running through her head as she leaned back against her locker, trying to pretend like she wasn't watching Emily across the hall.
Emily was wearing those weathered jeans that fit her like they'd been painted on and a sweater that hung loose off her shoulder and looked rather like she'd slept in it, her hair was half pinned up, half loose curls, and she looked so beautiful it physically hurt.
As she mentally waxed poetic, a voice broke through her consciousness, perhaps a little smugly, "I can feel you staring at me..."
Shaking herself back to awareness, Alex cleared her throat, ducking her head to hide the way her cheeks pinked with embarrassment. "I wasn't staring," she lied, pushing herself off the bank of lockers and crossing the short distance to be within reach of her. "Ladies don't stare," she added, unable to hide the small teasing smirk that crossed her lips.
"Ogling, then," Emily corrected herself, just as playful.
Alex just rolled her eyes, but remained smiling. "You, umm, you look really nice today," she said, feeling awkward and unsure in a way she rarely did around Emily. She wasn't sure whether it was because of the distance she'd created that made her so unsure, but whatever the source she internally cursed her sudden lack of tact.
Emily gave a little snort of laughter. "I'm glad you think so because this is me not trying..." She wanted to tell her that she'd better get used to it because once they started living together, she'd see this look on the regular. But she quickly thought better of it.
Apparently also realizing they were wandering into dangerous territory, Alex said nothing, though it was clear from her expression that she wanted to. Instead, she said, "I was thinking... I mean, if you're not doing anything... Do you maybe want to get coffee after class? We have some things we should talk about..."
Emily tried not to let on just how much those words made hope swell in her chest, lest 'talk' mean something other than what she wanted.
Before she could accept the offer, though, Beth came jogging up. "Thank you so much for letting me borrow your history notes!" she effused, "You saved my life! My grades are hanging on by a thread..." She handed the notebook back to her and, as she leaned in, she pressed a kiss to Emily's cheek.
Emily's mouth hung open dumbly for several long moments, struggling to come up with words – literally any words – and failing miserably.
"Anyway," Beth said, blushing slightly at her own forwardness. "I'm running late for track practice, but I'll see you later?"
She nodded, still at a loss for words and too numb to do anything else.
Beth grinned, waved, as she took several stuttering steps backwards before turning and jogging off again.
The silence that followed was possibly the longest and most brittle that Emily had ever experienced and she winced in anticipation of it shattering around her like so much broken glass.
"So..." Alex said eventually. "I'm guessing that was Beth?" She spit the name like venom.
Emily nodded, swallowing thickly. "It's not what it looks like," she insisted, finally finding her tongue again.
"Really? So, she didn't just kiss you?" she asked pointedly.
"Well, technically, yes," Emily admitted, "But we're not involved, I swear!"
Alex gave a small humourless laugh. "Does she know that?"
"Yes!" she insisted. "Well, I mean, I did tell her that I'm not looking to date anyone right now. But it's possible she misunderstood, I guess. But I didn't encourage anything!"
Alex pursed her lips, decidedly disapproving.
In spite of herself, Emily felt anger surging in her chest in that moment and briefly, she struggled to quash it before thinking better of it and letting it burst forth unchecked. "You know, you're being awfully controlling for someone who no longer has the right to object to who I may or may not be kissing..." she snapped. "As I recall, jealousy was a trait you were none to fond of. Seems hypocritical, no?"
"What?" Alex asked, completely deadpan, not entirely sure what emotion she was supposed to be feeling in that moment. She swallowed thickly, feeling decidedly like she was about to choke.
"You're the one who wanted to break up," Emily reminded her.
"I said take time apart, not break up," Alex corrected, doing her best not to get angry in return.
"What's the difference?" she demanded. "Because to me, it sounded like you don't want to be together..."
Letting out a huffy breath through her nose, Alex chose to ignore that particular minefield, focusing instead on the more pressing issue. "So, what, then?" she asked, "You decided to get back at me by making out with the first girl that came along? Is that what this is?"
"I told you, nothing happened between us!" Emily repeated, urgent and furious. "I thought you trusted me!"
Her expression made it clear that she wasn't sure she did.
Some of the fight seemed to bleed out of her then. "So, what now?" Emily asked, listless, empty. "Either you trust me and we can move past this or you don't and this is the end... Which is it?"
"I..." She stammered, stumbled. "I don't know..."
She just shook her head sadly. "When you figure it out, let me know."