I was musing to my Unnamed Associate that while I have enjoyed the direction that The Talk took, it being a nice chance to explore the original, more spiteful humour that I planned for LAT before sentiment crept in, I still felt like the original tone from The Oranges chapter was some of my strongest work.
So I thought to myself; why not make some ficlets in that tone and see how things go with them too :)
The Talk: Planning lessons!
"MMMMhhhh," Lori moaned as she slowly chewed a bite of her favourite chocolate mudcake, complete with frosting. "Thish ish soooo gaaawwwd!"
"Ohh yeaarrhh," Luna agreed through a slice off her own.
Lincoln glared at the two from the other side of the table, his stomach suddenly queasy. Before him was a once appealing slice of chocolate cake, ready to be wolfed down before a sneaky sister could steal it.
But now; every whimper of pleasure from the chocoholic sisters from the other side of the table drew up memories of citrus and unwanted closeness from the softer parts of the girls' bodies. Bile rose with his dinner, and it was all he could do to excuse himself, not bothering to take his slice to the fridge since it would get pinched anyway.
Luna spied his retreating form and giggled a bit.
"Dang, I guess he filled up at dinner," Lynn Sr scratched his head. "It's not like him to leave without dessert- and chocolate cake no less!"
"Whatever dude," Lynn Jr shrugged and promptly swiped his cake slice for herself. "You snooze you-"
"Leave that for your brother like a good sister?" Rita Loud promptly took the plate from Lynn Jr's hand. "Why yes, yes you do Lynn."
Luna laughed internally at the sour look on Lynn's face and made a mental note to swipe the leftover cake when Mom wasn't looking before matching eyes with Lori. Both sisters nodded in agreement;
This was way too much fun to just stop!
Of course, Lincoln's sour expression was hilarious, especially when it shifted to mortified horror as the continuous pressure from one of their more 'blessed' parts brought him to unwilling arousal. What was even more entertaining was the way he tried to hide it, and the utter frustration he wore when they accused him of being a pervert; Lori didn't even know a human face could make that shade of red!
The question now was; what just how far could they push the boy? Sure, teaching him the art of fine dining was a riot, and making him squirm as they gave him a Pavlovian response to a woman's moans was satisfying (no more chocolate for Lincoln! Now they would get it all for themselves!) but where do you go from traumatising your brother out of his dessert?
"Hey Lori?" Luna mused.
"Yes Luna?" Lori looked up from the catalogue she was reading.
"You remember when Lincoln kissed Ronnie Anne?"
"Umm, yeah?" Loir rolled her eyes. "I thought Mom was literally going to ground us into space after she saw his face."
"Yeah okay, but before that though," Luna persisted. "Dude just macked on her, ya think he's gotten better since then?"
"No way," Lori laughed. "He's just a kid, he's probably hasn't even held her hand since then..."
Lori trailed off as she realised Luna's line of thought: "you wouldn't be thinking-"
"That he could use guidance from a 'certain pair' of kind and generous big sisters?" Luna grinned. "You'd be thinkin' right!"
"Yeah no," Lori shook her head. "Maybe if YOU want to do that, then fine but the only lips touching mine are Bobby Boo Boo Bear's..."
"Whatever," Luna rolled her eyes, maybe she could get Sam in on this since she found The Oranges story hysterical... "but I've got somethin' else in mind too- do you think Lincoln knows how to deal with bras?"
Loir raised an eyebrow, "he's literally never had to, so no."
Luna gave her a grin with narrowed eyes; "well that catalogue there made me remember some stuff, you know how all those girls back in middle school had shitty boyfriends never knew how to do anything with a girls underwear?"
"Yeah," Lori recalled. "I don't think there was a single girl who didn't complain about her boyfriend not knowing how to take them off. I think most of them literally couldn't even buy one to save their life."
"Weeell," Luna loaned forward. "I think we could do Linc another favour, don't you?"
Lori felt a new smirk crawl across her face, "I don't know Luna, we've already been so good to him... at this rate we'll have to talk about how he's going to pay us back!"
"I know right," Luna sighed. "But I mean, maybe we could work in reward for us with the lesson; you said buyin' bras was tough for a boy right? Well maybe we could just have 'im go and get us some as part of it!"
"Oooh, I can see that," Lori laughed. "A shame about his savings though..."
"Yeah well, he pulls all kinds of weird schemes to get money anyway," Luna waved her off. "Now the big question is; how's he gonna know our sizes?"
Lori blinked, "... we're going to tell him?"
"EERK!" Luna made a 'wrong answer' buzz with her mouth. "No way sis, no girl is ever just gonna just come out at tell 'im her size. We gotta make sure he can tell just by lookin'."
Lori stared at her. "... you want to make sure our dork brother can tell a girl's measurements with his eyes by training him with our tits?"
"Did ya seen his face when you were pressin' up on 'im?" Luna laughed. "It was friggin' hysterical, can you imagine what it'll be like if he has to give a report on ya ta-tas!"
Lori snickered, then sighed. "I can't believe you Luna, you even thought we went too far last time. Now look at you, all grown up and planning lessons of your own... I can't tell you how proud I am!"
She drew away a fake tear to complete the effect.
"It's all thanks to you," Luna gave an exaggerated bow. "So, we doin' this or-"
"Obviously yes," Lori confirmed as a thousand of Lincoln's failed plans flashed by in her mind, mostly ending with a sister paying the price. "We've got make sure he gets a full education!"
Burger Hero Boogaloo!
"What ya in for?"
"Murder, drugs, an' speedin'."
"Speeding?"
"Yeah, it's always the last one guys ask about. What about you?"
"Me?"
"Yeah, who else?"
"Ah, just some burglary. No rough stuff, just in and-"
The 'burgular' suddenly found himself cut off as a skinny man in the same orange jumpsuit as the other prisoners laughed and jumped down next to the two men. "Nah, nah, Jack here ain't no burglar- tell 'im what ya really are Jacky-boy!"
Jack scowled. "Don't ya fuckin-"
The skinny man reached over and 'playfully' ruffled what little hair Jack had. "Jacky-boy here worked protection for Big Bill downtown!"
"Big Bill?" The last man's widened. "You got picked up in that bust last month? You're one of them ain't you?"
Jack grit his teeth, "it wasn't like that- we're hard but-"
"Save it small fry," the larger man stood up. "Go back to your table; I don't have time for Burger Bitches."
Jack opened his mouth, but the cold apathy of the larger, potential protector of a man silenced him. With utter embarrassment the convict reluctantly got up with his 'friend' and trudged back to the table where the rest of the Burger Brawler victims awaited.
The skinny man laughed, "Sorry Jack, buts us 'bitches' gotta stick together-"
"Shut the fuck up Nick."
"You know I heard that Burger Brawler saved fourteen people last night-"
"No one cares Lincoln!" Lola snapped.
"But-"
"Seriously dude, the entire country is laughing at us." Lynn groaned. "My last away game's crowd jeering was them just waving giant Burgers at us!"
The foam faux-meals had enraged the sporty sister to the point of striking out, but her team had carried on to victory anyway (which was a mixed blessing for her ego).
"Well you can't argue with success," Lynn Sr mused as he dished out dinner. "The streets are really clearing up nice, it's almost like when we were kids!"
"I know dear," Rita nodded, and Lincoln brightened for a moment. "But really; it's getting embarrassing. Royal Woods is a nice town and now all we're going to be known for is that silly man's costume!"
Lincoln deflated again.
"To his credit," The smartest sister raised her voice. "The criminals the police apprehend after the so called 'Burger Brawler's' interventions have a remarkably low rate of recidivism-"
"Obviously because no one wants to work with a Burger Bi- Buffoon," Lori quickly corrected herself lest she earn parental ire.
"Yeah, who's gonna go be criminals with a guy who lost to someone wearing that." Lynn snickered. "I heard the judge is just letting some crims go now, the perps reps are so trashed they have to go straight!"
"But Burger Brawler has superpowers!" Lincoln protested, sure he was sort of happy that the criminals he beat up weren't being criminals anymore but because of that reason?
"Yeah, sorry Bruv but BB ain't really what I'd call…" Luna mused for a moment. "Intimidating now is 'e?"
"W-well, I guess not," Lincoln flubbed. "But he's-"
"Lame." Lynn dismissed.
"Not my cuppa tea," Luna shook her head.
"Literally the embarrassment of Royal Woods." Lori confirmed.
"A better joke then I could make!" Luan giggled then switched to an uncanny seriousness. "Seriously, I have competition wearing Burger costumes and cutting into my funny money, it's getting to be a real problem."
Lincoln looked between them and sighed, "I guess I understand- wait! Leni, what do you think about Burger Brawler?"
Leni hummed and looked up from where she was feeding Lily. "Hmm- I think he's cute!"
"See even Leni- wait what?" Lori's eyes snapped open, "I thought you said that his outfit was literally the lamest thing ever!"
"Oh it totes is," Leni shuddered. "Even the colour schemes are just ew- but he's all small and brave and I just want to gobble him up!"
"Well I'm glad someone appreciates BB here " Lincoln cheered up. "C'mon guys, a real life superhero- who cares if he looks like a lame-"
"I'm totes gonna find him and get him a new costume!" Leni nodded with conviction.
That could be a problem, Leni was weirdly capable when she put her mind to something, Lincoln spoke up to try and dissuade her; "well maybe-"
"That's literally not a bad idea," Lori clapped. "I don't know why he chooses to look so lame, but if we can change his look then maybe rest of the country might finally drop the Burger memes!"
"Yeah, go for it dude!" Luna encrouaged.
"Dang it," Lincoln muttered under his breath.
"And once we meet up- I'm going to take that silly mask off and give him a big warm hug for all his hard work!" Leni smiled.
The boy immediately perked up- his mask was good and solidly stuck on anyway and Leni hugs were the best hugs!
"And then," Leni continued. "I'm going to give him an even bigger kiss!"
Lincoln's smile froze.
"Eww, literally why?" Lori shuddered.
"Because he deserves one obviously!" Leni grinned.
Well that was still kinda nice.
"And because he's cute!" Leni sighed. "I wonder if he has a girlfriend?"
That wasn't though.
Lincoln shuddered at the thought of Leni going after the Burger Brawler, chasing him down and the drawing him close. The boy helpless as any strength powerful enough to break free would surely hurt her, and any harsh words would surely break her heart! His mind Leni drew close and give him a big romantic kiss on the lips and real life Lincoln gagged.
"Literally impossible," Lori rolled her eyes. "You can smell the virginity coming off that costume."
"I-I agree with Lori," Lincoln fumbled, drawing attention himself with an uncommon criticism of his 'idol'. "Don't get me wrong, I like him but-"
"Well I think he's wonderful!" Leni drew herself to her full height. "All he needs is someone to show him how to dress like a person and I know someone who does!"
Lori rolled her eyes. "Is it you?"
"Absolutely!" Leni put her hands on her hips. "Just you wait- I'm going to find him and make him all totes fab, for our wedding!"
Lori facepalmed, the girls as a whole gagged at her choice of partner and their parents sighed at another daughter with a crush (though really none had any grounds to complain after the Hugh incident). Lincoln was left alone at the table, contemplating exactly how his life had come to this.
"Dang it."
Lincoln gets dressed!
It was Lincoln's first mistake, letting Luna see him dressed like a girl sparked something dark within the rocker. It shouldn't have, he'd worn dresses before when a plan called for it; but maybe because he was getting older, maybe because the skirt he'd worn was a size too small since he'd grown from last time, something had made Luna go from a giggle to a haunted gasp when she'd seen him.
His second mistake was ignoring her furtive glances at him across the last few weeks. She was looking frazzled nearly all the time now, and sometimes he would see her in the corner of his eye with a weird expression while licking her lips
Letting her corner him alone in the house was his final mistake.
"Heya Link..." the rocker drawled.
"Hi Luna, are you okay?" Lincoln asked in perplexment, the normally chill rocker looked... beaten somehow and her mad eyes were ringed with dark circles where her purple eyeshadow failed to cover. "You look... sick?"
"Sick?" Luna blinked, and her weird smile came over her. "Yeah, but I'll ya somthin' secret..." she leaned to him, making him instinctively lean back into his bed. "I'm feelin' better than I've for a good long time."
"... I'm happy for you?" He squeaked.
"Aww, thanks lil' man," she grinned, then pulled something green from out of the small bag she carried in. "You know, it's been a while we've really hung out an' all that... I've been real busy ya know..."
"Busy with your band?" Lincoln felt himself sweat as the green thing seemed to glow a bit, and the shape seemed intimidating somehow.
"Ah, good guess but nah," Luna suddenly moved forward and scooped him into a weird, too close cuddle. "I've just been thinkin' about some stuff and I had ta... figure somethin' out. Big kids do that sometimes."
"Luna you're being weird," Lincoln tried to wiggle loose, but her grip was suddenly iron around his stomach. "I don't think-"
"But little kids need to figure things out sometimes too," Luna pulled him closer so that he was looking directly at her, giving him a clear view of her flushed cheeks and the way her tongue tip was tracing her upper lip between sentences. "And it's up the to big kids to help 'em out."
"Umm, Luna?" He tried pulling away again, but for all his efforts only found himself being pulled closer until his front flattened against hers and he was forced to crane his head up to look at her. "H-have you been eating your brownies again? Moms said you weren't supps-"
"The 'rent are out for a trip, them an' the others." Luna's fingers started digging into his stomach. "Someone 'ad to stay and look after ya, so it's just us.
Alone."
"Luna I don't- I can feel your-" her soft chest was pressed against his, soft that is except for two hard little- "let me go!"
"Nah... well maybe." Luna looked up and pursed her lips. "We're gonna have a little lesson here, just you an' me."
"What kind of lesson?" He asked with distressed suspicion, the green object in Luna's free hand started flexing as Luna squeezed it.
His eyes darted to the bag and from his new angle he could see some old clothes, like the ones he vaguely remembered a pre-concert Luna had once worn.
"A hands-on one, it's only real way ta' learn," Luna book into his eyes, and he could see some spit trickling down from one corner of her lips. "Tell me lil' bro;
Do ya know what a trap is?"
He didn't.
But not to worry, Luna made sure to thoroughly educate him.