Chapter Eighteen

Then

"I want you to know that if it ever gets too dangerous, if you think that anybody suspects you at all then you need to cancel the mission."

"Raj..." at this point, Naina's tone is bordering on exasperation. It's the same argument they've been going around since the moment he agreed to let her try to help him. "I'm going to be careful, I promise you that, but I'm not going to back off just because Major Nair looks at me in the wrong way."

Raj's mouth quirks. "You haven't had Major Nair look at you before, don't assume anything."

Naina laughs, softly so as not to attract attention. "If I can face down terrorists then I don't think Major Nair is going to be an issue.

"My brave, wonderful Naina." Raj has stopped, looking at her with such clear affection that Naina feels her heart skip a beat.

"How could she not have loved you?" Naina whispers. "How could anyone not fall in love with you?"

A moment later, Raj's hands are on her shoulders, gripping them tightly as he brings her against him, his lips crashing into hers. They try not to get distracted as they journey through the night, knowing the importance of staying alert, but there are moments when neither of them can help it. Naina knows that she has only a day or two more before she must leave him and it will be these memories that sustain her when she does, this warmth that will carry her through.

"Naina, if anything were to happen to you then my freedom would mean nothing to me, absolutely nothing. I know that you'll be careful, I know that you're strong and capable but still... I will worry."

Naina reaches up to cup his cheek, her hand framing his face. "This is the best chance that we've got. I'm not prepared to live the rest of my life without you, but I also know I'll have to be patient and careful. I intend to carry out my training seriously, to be one of the best cadets they've ever seen. Then when the time is right I'll get the red box to you."

Raj's hands drop from her shoulders. "I should have you back to civilisation by the day after tomorrow at latest."

Two nights left. Two nights and a day and a bit to spend together, and then god knows how long apart. If all goes well then she should enter the academy three months after her return, her first chance at the box might take place in the first month, the second chance not until a month after that.

Naina will have to be patient, she will have to plan carefully and to believe in herself while she carries this mission out alone. She can't dare to hope that she might find allies in KMA, when revealing the truth could place her in immense danger.

"Should I keep myself apart from the other students at KMA? Would it be safer?"

Raj shakes his head. "You'll have to be careful that nobody finds out the truth, but that's no reason to keep yourself apart from everyone, that would just be more suspicious. I hope you might even be able to find friends there like the ones that I found, and that if the time ever comes that they would stand by you."

"I hope so," Naina comments quietly. "I'll do whatever it takes, but the idea of doing it entirely alone... these weeks with you, I've never known anything like this in my life. It's... this is what it feels like to belong, and I don't know how to leave that behind."

He crushes her to him then, holding her tightly against his chest, his cheek resting on the top of her head as Naina winds her own arms around him.

"I don't know how to give you up either, Naina. I think of being without you once you're gone and I... there's nothing. Just days of blankness ahead of me. When you join KMA I'll make sure I'm not too far away, so that if the opportunity comes I'm there waiting and ready. I keep thinking that I could find some way to see you during that time but that... that's wrong. I can't endanger you for my own selfish needs."

Naina clings to him all the tighter then. "I had thought of asking you if it was a possibility but I can't take the chance you might get caught. We'll speak on the phone when we can and it'll be enough, it will have to be."

"Oh, Naina." His lips are on hers once more and all Naina can do is concentrate on this feeling, of his hand tangled in her hair, the other warm upon her hip as he presses her to him. All Naina can do is kiss him back with every feeling she possesses and hope that she can remember this sensation when she's back home once more and then later in the academy. She is standing on her toes to reach him better, as Raj's hand winds around her waist, kissing a path along her jaw and down her neck as Naina sighs, her hands clutching the fabric at his shoulders.

Raj abruptly steps back, breathing hard. "I... I'm sorry, I shouldn't let myself get carried away."

Naina blinks at him. "There's no harm, Raj, when we only have two more days together."

"It's what might happen within those two days that worries me." He mutters. "I tend to lose track of myself whenever I start kissing you."

"Oh." Naina blushes and hopes that he can't see it in the dark. "I'll tell you if there's anything that makes me uncomfortable."

Raj shakes his head. "Just because it doesn't make you uncomfortable, it doesn't mean I should be doing it. Until I know that I can offer you a future it's important that things don't go too far between us."

"I understand that, but it doesn't mean I want to stop kissing you. There's no harm in us only kissing, is there?"

Raj's response, in all its fervency, shows that he more than agrees with that statement.

/

Having lost some time to their conversation, they hurry through the rest of the night to ensure that they cover the ground they should. When dawn comes they again spar for an hour, Raj believing that it is more important than ever that Naina can protect herself.

They are both tired by the time they finish, and with ample space to lie down for once in the space between two rocks, Naina curls herself against his body, her head pillowed on his chest. Raj strokes her hair with the arm that is wrapped around her, while his other hand covers hers where it rests above his heart.

"We will have nights like this, and mornings too." Naina whispers. "One day we'll have our chance to finally rest together."

He kisses the top of her head as she drifts off to sleep.

/

Naina wakes after only a few hours and she knows why it is. Every hour asleep is one that she misses with him. She can cope with only a little sleep today, but she wants to savour everything she can of this time.

She sits up, giving him a sleepy smile, and Raj smiles back in return, sweet and relaxed, the expression warming her from inside to out. He goes to turn on his side, intending to sleep, when Naina shakes her head. "Rest on me, let me hold you."

After only a moment's hesitation he goes to her as she lies back down, his head resting on her shoulder, his arm wound tightly around her. Raj's breaths soon even out and Naina attunes herself to the surrounding noises, even as she strokes his hair. Whatever happens next, they have these few hours of peace to themselves.

If everything goes well then by the end of tonight they will be out of the forest, this is the last time on this journey that they will rest together in this way.

There is a part of Naina that wants to prolong it, that wants to ask Raj to allow them to remain here for just one more day together before she has to go. She knows that's an extremely bad idea.

With each day it will become more dangerous, with each day it will become even harder for her to leave him. It is better that she returns now so that she can begin her preparations. No matter how hard it will be, she has something to work towards and from now onwards she needs to be single minded in her purpose.

She had wanted to do this even before she knew she loved him, now she has all the more reason to succeed.

When Raj wakes she feels it, and they lie together for a few moments of calm, their arms around each other, sunlight filtering through the gap in the rocks above to warm them. They turn to each other, faces tilting inwards and she kisses him sweetly on this day which may be one of their very last together.

Raj sits then, and Naina pulls herself up alongside, the sides of their bodies touching from shoulder to knee. "Let's go over everything while it's our last chance to." Raj tells her. "Think of anything you might need to know that I haven't covered yet."

"Tell me about everything that happened from the time of your arrest to when you escaped." Naina urges him. "I need to be able to recognise any officers that were involved."

She can tell that it is painful for him to talk about, the accusations and his treatment at the hands of the army. Naina knows that he glosses over the violence, refusing to talk about who had harmed him. "They were junior officers, they weren't the ones who made the decisions, they just carried out the orders." Raj tells her. He does tell her about Major Bhargav, a man who seemed to leave no stone unturned to ensure that Raj would be proven guilty no matter how many arguments he presented for his innocence.

When he has come to the end of the story, they discuss KMA once more, the layout of the academy and the drills that Naina will need to pass in order to remain there. Raj warns Naina about Brigadier Chandook's dislike of female soldiers and how she should dress and behave in the interview to circumvent that.

"There's nothing you can do to change Major Nair's opinion so don't try." He warns her. "Avoid coming to his attention but don't let him bully you into failure."

"I don't think that anyone will be able to bully me ever again, I've gained all the courage I need for a lifetime."

"You'll need all of it and more." Raj warns her. "I don't know who the other staff members will be when you join but Suriji should still be there. He's a good man and he tries his best to look out for the cadets but he has an intense loyalty to the academy so if he catches you, he will report you."

"I'll make sure that he doesn't." Naina promises. "How big is the box?"

"You'll need to open it and remove the papers, it would be too big to carry out by yourself. You'll need to learn how to pick a lock so it might be best to start teaching yourself that once you're back."

"And you'll call me the day before Independence Day?"

"Without fail. After that we can work out a schedule for regular calls." Raj grasps her shoulders tightly. "I promise you, Naina, that I will be there for you in whatever way I can. I will be thinking of you every day that we're apart, trying to find the best ways in which to help you."

"I wish..." Naina shakes her head suddenly, it's a stupid thought to have.

"What is it, Naina?"

She takes a deep breath. "I wish there was something of you that I could carry along with me to give me strength. A photo or a memento, or..."

She has to stop there because without waiting for her to finish, Raj has pulled the signet ring off his finger, reaching forward to place it in her palm and enclose her fingers around it.

"Whatever little I have is yours, Naina." He tells her sincerely. "My whole life, if I could give it to you."

She clutches the ring tightly, bringing her fist up to her chest to press against her heart. Naina looks back at him, tears threatening to fall as she holds it like a lifeline.

Naina reaches up to undo the clasp of her necklace, threading the ring onto it. She fumbles as she tries to do the clasp back up and Raj leans forward to help her, his fingers easily finding the catch, his breath warm on her cheek.

He leans back once more, and Naina reaches up to tuck the ring under her shirt, satisfied that it will be able to remain hidden there on her return.

Raj sits only a short distance from her, and Naina pulls the ring her parents had given her on her 18th birthday from her finger and taking his hand in hers, places it into his palm. "So that you have your own piece of me to give you strength."

He looks down at the ring for a moment, small against his larger hand, and then carefully reaches up to place it in his shirt pocket, buttoning it down to keep it safe.

"If only I could give you one that you could actually wear. If only..." He takes a ragged breath in and reaches out to grasp both of her hands. "For so long I have tried not to want anything, tried not to dream of anything but with you, Naina, I want so much, I have so many dreams. I want a future with you, the rest of our lives, I want..."

"To come to my house and ask about my hobbies?"

Naina is smiling but there are tears in her eyes as she says it and Raj's returning smile is beautiful as he grins back at her. "Yes, god yes, I can almost picture it."

"We would both have to be serious." Naina warns him, "If I say 'fishing' then you might just laugh."

"Say it anyway." Raj moves closer, his hand coming up to cup the back of her neck, bringing their faces closer. "I'll probably be so nervous the distraction will do me good."

"What is there to be nervous about when you already know the answer?"

His lips come crashing into hers, his grip on her tight, and Naina brings up her own hands to frame his face, even as his second arm winds around her, pulling her close. Raj's kisses are almost frantic now in their intensity and she feels it deeply, the fear at their upcoming parting. It doesn't matter that they have spent only a short time together, Naina is certain of what she wants.

They will have that dream, she promises herself even as she kisses him fiercely back. That day will come and when it does, Naina will know that they've finally won, that everything they could ever want lies ahead of them.

"I don't want to leave you." Naina finally tells him when they have pulled apart, his hand still tangled in her hair, hers on his shoulders.

"You won't." Raj places a hand over the pocket that holds her ring. "You'll be with me as I'll be with you, until the day we see each other again."

The shadows are lengthening now, and Naina knows that soon they must leave to begin their last journey, the one that will take her out of the forest. She knows and yet she wishes that there was more time.

She kisses him one more time before the sun sets and closes her eyes, concentrating upon the feeling. She'll keep this with her too in the long months apart, this feeling of love and belonging. No matter what happens in the days to come, no matter how much darkness there is, Naina will think back to this moment and remember everything that she needs in order to keep going.

/

By the next morning, they have reached the edge of the forest.

As they had walked through the night they had spoken in quiet voices; of small things, inconsequential things, old memories that they wanted to share with each other. They had held hands, fingers interlocking, and Naina had known that each of their grips had been tighter than ever before.

As the sun had started to rise, Raj had quizzed her on everything he had taught her so far, on the layout of the academy and the drills she would undertake, of the people who had been involved in his trial, of what he knew to be true about Dr Ritu Mishra.

On the edge of the forest they find a place and for the last time, they circle one another and begin to spar. Naina knows it's for the best if she looks as weary as possible when she exits, covered in dirt and sweat and bruises.

"Say as little as possible." Raj advises her. "Say you stole some food when you escaped, that you ran and then hid until they passed you by. Say you just kept going, trying to stay in the same direction in the hopes of finding a town."

"Do I look..." Naina's breath catches. "Do I look like a woman who's done all of that by herself? Are they going to believe it?"

"You look as beautiful as ever." Raj tells her softly, reaching out a hand to trace her cheek. "But your clothes are stained, and you look exhausted and dirty enough that they won't question it. You've lost weight, it's obvious you haven't been eating well. If they press too much just tell them that you don't want to talk about it, let them think that the trauma is too great."

Naina bites down on her lip, worrying it with her teeth. "It's time, isn't it?"

Raj nods once then pulls her to him. He cradles her to his chest as Naina's arms go around him, kissing the top of her head. She looks up, reaching for his neck to pull him towards her, and their lips meet for one last desperate kiss.

Naina thinks that it is a kiss of promise as well as goodbye, that while it may be the last for now she will not let it be the last ever.

As they pull apart, Raj leans his forehead against hers for a moment. Naina closes her eyes, breathing in.

"Go now." He tells her, "I'll follow from a distance to ensure you reach help safely."

She walks away down the dirt path through the last or the trees, with only one glance back at the end. Raj has melted into the shadows, she can't see him now although she knows he must be there. Naina turns back and walks onwards, she must continue to go onwards.

The path turns into a road and Naina continues to walk. It is early morning and in the distance she ca hear the sounds of a town coming to life, the crow of roosters, a morning azan, temple bells. She does not see any people as yet but she does see traces of them, smoke rising from the thatched roof of a hut as breakfast is cooked.

She glances back and sees him then, already distant, and knows that from now on she must not look back. Raj nods at her and Naina returns it, then she squares her shoulders and walks forward.

In the centre of the town there are already people up and about, a chai seller with his bicycle, preparing glasses for those off to their daily work.

"Please," Naina asks him as she approaches. "Please can you tell me where the police station is."

They stare at her, the men gathered around the bicycle, this woman who has seemingly walked out of the woods.

"I'll take you." One of the younger ones says, handing his cup back to the seller, and he escorts her down the street and around the corner to the chowky, barely a one room building. The constable is yawning as she enters, his mouth abruptly slamming shut as he sees her.

"I need help." Naina tells him. "I need you to contact my brother."

/

It takes three hours for Naveen to arrive, during which time Naina is given breakfast and offered the services of a doctor, which she refuses. She eats the offered food ravenously, not needing to pretend her hunger. They have been rationing their food ever since they left, and she hasn't eaten properly since the day she left the base.

She is exhausted but she cannot sleep until Naveen arrives, there is too much risk, she has to stay alert.

He runs in, out of breath, and at the time Naina wonders where he could possibly have run from, was he that close all this time. It's a momentary thought, she stands, moving towards him even as he pulls her into a giant hug. Her brother is warm and safe and Naina knows that she's come home even if she did leave a part of herself behind.

"I convinced them to let me take one of the helicopters down when I heard, we'll head straight back to base together and Mum and Dad are already on their way now. Naina, are you alright? Please tell me you're alright?"

Naina looks at her brother's face, open and honest, the brother that she has never kept a secret from, and knows that she must lie.

"I'm alright, Bhaiyya, I promise. I escaped before they could hurt me too badly."

He looks back at her, and Naina knows that there's a part of Naveen that doesn't believe her, that realises that she's holding something back.

There and then, he's too relieved to have her back to challenge her.

Naveen nods at the police officers, his arm around Naina's shoulders. "Thank you so much, Officers. I'll take my sister back to base and we'll debrief her."

A car takes them to the helicopter and within ten minutes they're off the ground. Naina looks down at that vast, green expanse below them and thinks of all that happened there since the time she was brought to it.

She is not the same girl she was at that time, another Naina has now emerged. She knows what she must do now, and she will not stop until she has achieved it.

Naina brings her hand up to briefly rest on the ring that sits under her shirt on its chain.

She will not fail.

A/N: And here we have it, the last past chapter. From now on we're firmly in the present!

Thank you to the guest who reviewed – Naina definitely is lucky in her friends and their loyalty to her! Naveen has also now come out from Ritu's spell which is a good development 😊