Chapter 27: Hermione

We watched with amusement as Harry directed Cormac and Astoria to move off the dancefloor, the pair slinking into the crowd and disappearing out of sight. When Harry returned to us, we applauded him loudly.

"Well, that was fun," he responded with a wry chuckle, resuming his seat beside me. "Didn't I tell you that being Head Auror wasn't all it cracked up to be?"

"Imagine that headline," Ginny laughed. "'Quidditch Star and Socialite Cock-Blocked By The Boy Who Lives!'"

I felt myself smile for the first time all evening. I had invited Cormac McLaggen to the cocktail party after bumping into him at a coffee shop. We chatted while we stood in line, and I recalled my heart dropping out of my chest when a tall man entered the coffee shop behind Cormac, silhouetted in the doorframe against the outside glare. As the man moved further into the coffee shop, the light adjusted to reveal that it wasn't Malfoy, and I was suddenly exhausted by the constant disappointment every time I thought I saw him and it turned out to be someone else or every time a date didn't stack up. I resolved then and there to stop waiting.

Cormac happened to be in the right place at the right time, so on a whim, I asked him to the cocktail party. But something about the look he gave me when he agreed to come to the cocktail party felt off, and I was instantly wanted to rescind the invitation. I rationalised that we'd be around my friends so nothing could go wrong, but the unease never left me.

With my insistence that watching the Quidditch game would likely put me in a coma, we agreed to meet up at the cocktail party. My determination to move on from Malfoy deserted me when I walked in and saw him for the first time in months. I'd felt more than a small twinge of jealousy when I saw him with Astoria. They looked good together – a picture-perfect blue-blooded couple. Impeccably dressed, the woman had legs like a baby giraffe and perfectly poreless, blemish-free skin. I remembered looking between Astoria and Pansy and wondering if one of the perks of being well-born was to be blessed with Pinterest-worthy glass skin. But Astoria also seemed superficial and snobbish, and Malfoy appeared to be disinterested. I was ashamed of the self-satisfaction I felt when he ditched her on the dancefloor.

The dancefloor.

Cormac had dragged me there and proceeded to paw at me and grind up against me, although his attention was more on Astoria than on me. I had caught Malfoy more than once this evening shooting stony glares at Cormac, and then he had edged into my mind to ask if I was okay. Did Malfoy know something about Cormac that I didn't?

An enthusiastic peal of laughter dragged my attention back to the present.

"It's a good thing you shut them down before McLaggen had a chance to get his wand out, Harry," Luna said with a cheeky smile. "Who's to say what you might have done?"

"EXPELLIARMUS!" shrieked the Slytherins, the table dissolving into hysterics.

"Fuck off, the lot of you," Harry replied with a hearty laugh. "They asked if they could just go into a bathroom instead."

"My queen. Winner of hearts and bets," Blaise cheered, wrapping his arm around Luna and kissing the top of her head.

"Not quite. I thought it was best for all involved if I just sent them home." Harry turned to Malfoy and I. "Sorry, guys."

"Oh, don't apologise. McLaggen was vile at school, he's vile now," I replied, both of us waving him off. "I don't know why I agreed to come with him."

"Because you have terrible taste in men, Granger," Theo answered, smirking purposely at Malfoy.

"So does Potter," Pansy retorted, before slipping her arm through Theo's. "Now can someone please scourgify the dancefloor so the rest of us can use it?"

With a flick of his wand, Harry cast the cleaning spell, then repeated it at Pansy's insistence. Theo shared a fond glance with Harry and led Pansy to the dancefloor, followed by Blaise and Luna. Harry and Ginny shared a colluding glance and abruptly departed for the bar, leaving Malfoy and I alone at the table.

"Subtle," Malfoy declared, before turning to me. His eyes roamed my face as if he was looking for something that was lost. Being this close to him brought back to the surface how much I'd missed him.

Oh, how I'd missed him.

I'd missed his eyes, his mouth, his overbearing arrogance. I'd missed the way he'd challenged me. I'd missed the way I felt when I was beginning to fall in love with him. But there was something in him that was out of place.

"Why did you get into my head earlier?" I asked him.

"Because you're a fucking idiot for inviting McLaggen," he said bluntly. My temper flared instantly.

"And Astoria Greengrass is any better?" I retorted hotly. "Tell me, is it her legs that makes up for her deplorable lack of personality, or is it her tits?"

"Neither. I'm more of an arse man."

"You are despicable."

"Are you flirting with me?" Malfoy smirked. I yanked his hair at the back of his head, forcing him to look me in the eyes. "Ouch, Granger -"

"Answer my question," I demanded firmly. "Why did you break into my mind?"

"Okay, firstly, you can let go of my hair now, you harpy wench." I released my grip, and Malfoy ran his hand through his hair, scowling. Vain bastard. "Secondly, McLaggen was a slimy git about you before you arrived, and you didn't look like you were enjoying his company. I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

I frowned. "What did he say?"

"Are you going to see him again?" Malfoy asked.

"Unlikely."

He shrugged, lifting his drink to his mouth. "Then it doesn't matter."

"What did he say?" I repeated. Malfoy only shook his head, but his expression was stern. "Malfoy, I want to know what he said."

He faced me; his mouth set in a firm line. "McLaggen said that he only accepted the date because you looked sad, and in his opinion, sad girls are easy."

"Easy?" I frowned in confusion.

Malfoy eyed me with a sardonic raise of his eyebrow. "You'll catch on. Any minute now."

The penny dropped, and I felt my cheeks flame, and my mouth drop open. "That thunderfucking, cock-warbling son of a bitch!" I yelled, my harsh outburst met with Malfoy's amused laugh and applause.

"Well done, Granger. I didn't think you had it in you. The worst I ever got was 'loathsome cockroach'."

"To your face, anyway," I muttered, still reeling from his admission. My uneasy feeling about Cormac made sense now. My thoughts turned immediately to Astoria. "Maybe you should you tell Astoria? Cormac isn't exactly a gentleman."

"Granger, did it seem to you that her intentions were any different than his?" Malfoy asked.

"That's not the point. Astoria may be a vacuous twat, but she still deserves to be treated with respect," I argued. "Imagine if you had a daughter one day. Would you want her just to be shagged and discarded?"

A crystal-clear image of a pretty little girl with white-blonde curls and golden brown eyes flashed fleetingly in my mind, and I gasped. Where did that come from? I stared at Malfoy accusingly, but he wasn't looking at me. Instead, he was tapping out a message on his phone.

Nope, that was just my ovaries. Lord, help me. I am losing my mind.

Malfoy finished typing and placed his phone down on the table. He'd barely reached for his drink when his phone chimed. His eyes widened, and he laughed.

"Picture tells a thousand words, as they say." He handed the phone to me. Astoria had responded with a photo. It was very clearly the top of Cormac's head between her thighs.

"A simple 'I'm fine, now piss off' would've sufficed." My nose wrinkled in disgust, handing the phone back to Malfoy. Watching him tuck his phone back into the pocket of his burgundy blazer, I felt suddenly shy. "Thanks for looking out for me."

He looked at me, his brow furrowed. "Of course. Did you think that because we broke up that I'd just stop caring?"

I shrugged. "I guess not. But I appreciate it."

Malfoy looked deeply into my eyes again, and I suddenly realised what was out of place - I didn't feel that same pull between us. Instantly, my head started running through all the possibilities as to why. Was it physical? Malfoy was still as ridiculously handsome as ever (I mean, what fucking right did he have to be so damned good-looking?) I was perhaps too thin - did he not find me attractive anymore? I pushed the thought out of mind; Malfoy wasn't as shallow as that.

Was it mental? We'd assumed our customary banter with ease, and I'd unabashedly enjoyed every minute of it. I considered his earlier demeanour when he'd first led me back to the table. He seemed so awkward, which was so unlike him.

It hit me. It was emotional. That maddening self-assuredness that I thought was an inherent trait was gone. Sure, he seemed happy enough and had been actively contributing to the group's conversations and antics. But his usual confidence that would exude out of him just wasn't there. He seemed like less of himself, like his light had gone out.

Did I do that? The thought saddened me. I thrived on our chemistry. I recalled what he'd said to me the night we broke up: I promise you. If this is meant for us someday, we'll find it again.

What if we couldn't find it? What if it was gone completely?

I looked up at his handsome face, the contours and angles so familiar to me that were no longer mine to touch. The eyes that had once looked upon me so adoringly seemed so distant. I ached to run my fingers through his flaxen hair, but I knew it wasn't my place anymore. My gaze dropped to the mouth that had pushed me to my limits, mentally and physically. My breath caught in my throat, and I abruptly stood up, knocking over several glasses in my haste.

"You alright?" Malfoy asked, a concerned look on his face as he rose from his seat. My breath was quickening, and I needed to get away from him. "Granger!"

I stumbled towards the bathroom, pushing past Ginny and Harry on the way. I heard them call out after me, but I didn't stop. I finally reached the bathroom and threw myself against the sink, splashing water on my face. I stared at my reflection, water dripping off my nose and chin, and willed my breath to be steady.

I'd loved Ron, but after our breakup, we'd hugged, and he left with a suitcase of his belongings. No fanfare, just a few tears and an immense sense of relief. It certainly hadn't rocked me like this, especially after several months apart.

Malfoy was it for me. I knew it in my soul. He was it.

The thought that I had lost my chance for happiness and fulfilment was too much to take, and a heaving sob escaped my throat. I was sliding to the floor when the bathroom door burst open, and a pair of arms caught me.

"We've got you, doll. We're here," Pansy whispered, her chin resting atop my head. Luna held me tightly on my other side, while Ginny knelt before me, her hands gripping mine.

"It's really over," I wept, the tears streaming freely from my eyes. "I've lost him. I've lost him."

My girlfriends remained silent, each of them moving to embrace me tighter while wrenching sobs wracked through me. The bathroom pulsed with the sound of the music outside; the heavy bassline pounding in time with the rhythmic breaking of my heart. The minutes went by, and Ginny slowly lifted my chin to look at me.

"Do you think you can stand?"

I nodded feebly. Pansy and Luna helped me to my feet, and Ginny poked her head out the door to summon my clutch. I rechecked my reflection – I looked fucking terrible.

"Let's get you home," Luna said as they guided me out of the bathroom. We kept to the outer wall of the club and eventually reached the entry hall. My stomach seized when I saw the boys standing at the entrance. Each of them looked worried.

"What happened? Mione, are you alright?" Harry took a step towards me but stopped when Pansy blocked him by placing her palm against his chest.

"No, no," she said simply. I looked past Pansy to Malfoy. His expression was pained, and he took a small step toward me. He paused, and the curtain came down behind his eyes and his face settled into his trademark cool, and he moved no further.

He doesn't care anymore. I clutched at Ginny's wrist.

"Get me out of here," I pleaded and immediately felt the rush of air as she apparated us to my apartment building. A pop behind us signalled Luna's arrival, but she was alone.

"Where's Pansy?" asked Ginny.

"She'll be along in a minute. She was just talking to Theo." Luna reached out for my hand, and the two of them steered me inside. The elevator ride and the short walk to my apartment door were made in silence, my chest aching from the spasmodic aftershocks of my distraught crying. Ginny fumbled with my apartment key.

"Fuck it," she said under her breath, withdrawing her wand and aiming it at the door. "Bombarda –

"Alohomora, Ginny, Jesus!" I cried. Nice to know my perfectionism still works, I thought sullenly. Ginny laughed.

"I know, I'm kidding! Alohomora!" My door swung open, and they ushered me inside. Ginny headed for the kitchen while Luna guided me to my bathroom, turning my shower on. As the steam filled the bathroom, Luna flicked her wand towards the stream of water, and the scent of lavender permeated the air.

Walking to the door, Luna smiled at me. "We'll be right here when you get out."

As soon as I flopped down on the couch, Ginny thrust a giant mug of tea under my nose before sitting down beside me.

"You're wearing the Gryffindor sweats again! Wonderful." Pansy was perched in an armchair, clutching a glass of wine. Ginny had changed out of her white Misha Nonoo jumpsuit in favour of comfy sweats, but Pansy was still wearing her fitted black cocktail dress, although she had discarded her black Louboutins.

"Do you know how often I have dreamed of painting your toenails red and gold while you were sleeping, Pans?" Ginny teased with a grin.

"Do you know how swiftly I would defenestrate you if you did, Ginevra?" Pansy replied sweetly.

"I don't even know what that means."

"It requires an arresto momentum spell, Ginevra. That's all you need to know."

"It means to throw someone out of a window," I explained sombrely, which prompted Ginny to flip Pansy off. "You can practice on me."

"I've hurled Theo and Blaise out of a window so many times in my head that I've got it down to an art now," Pansy assured. "You're safe, Granger."

Luna strolled in from the other room, holding a cup of tea and the green lace dress she had discarded in favour of sweats. She sat cross-legged on the rug in front of the fire.

"What happened back there, Hermione?" she asked softly, clutching her tea.

"Just another epic meltdown over Malfoy. What else is new?" I replied wearily. "I'm sick of crying over that man, I really bloody am. I thought I was over this. I hadn't seen him in months, I've kept busy with work and training with you, Gin. I've been on dates. I thought I was okay."

"But…?" Ginny prompted.

"But I love him," I answered simply. Ginny stiffened slightly, but she remained silent. I took a deep breath in. The familiar heavy ache in my chest was back again. "I remember the night we ended things; we were standing right where you're sitting, Luna, and he said that if this were meant for us someday, we'd find it again. But tonight, Malfoy looked at me, and our chemistry was just gone. It broke my heart all over again."

Luna blew a stream of cool air across the top of her tea. "You seemed like you were getting along beautifully this evening."

"Right? Between Granger and Draco being downright respectful to one another, and Potter preventing Theo from making a nuisance of himself, I'm actually glad Greengrass and McLaggen slagged it up on the dancefloor. Otherwise, the evening would've been severely lacking," added Pansy.

"What did you expect to happen tonight, Hermione?" Ginny asked, too quietly.

"What do you mean?" I shifted awkwardly on the sofa. There was an edge to Ginny's voice that made me wary. Even Pansy and Luna eyed Ginny cautiously.

"Did you think you'd see each other after months apart and everything would just fall back into place?"

"I wasn't expecting anything -"

"Right. Because you're moving on, right? You told me that when we started training together. You also said it every time you went on a date. And then again, a few weeks ago when you told me you were bringing McLaggen. And yet -" Ginny gave a small wave of her hand. "- here we are."

"Gin -"

"No, I'm sorry, Hermione. You were in a relationship with my brother for years, and when it ended, you seemed to recover overnight. I wonder what it is about Malfoy that has you so cut up after all this time?"

I was stunned. My relationship with Malfoy hadn't seemed to bother her before. She'd also never been angry with me until now. Ginny turned to face me, her dark eyes blazing.

"I'd like to know. What is it about Malfoy that has the great Hermione Granger all hot under the collar? Is it the bad boy thing? Are you trying to save his soul, Hermione? That under the tattoos is a poor, misunderstood Death Eater looking for salvation."

"Do not go there, Ginevra," Pansy warned, her blue eyes fixed on the red-headed woman.

"Oh, I forgot for a moment that I was in the presence of the Slytherin Queen. Best I leave that one alone." Ginny sneered. She wasn't done yet. "Perhaps it was the sex?"

"I am not answering that -" I stammered. Where was this coming from?

"It must be his money then. I mean, you have plenty of it yourself, but you can never have enough, I guess. I wouldn't know, my family were poor."

"How dare you, Ginny!" I cried. I felt my cheeks burning up, but for once, the familiar prick of tears behind my eyelids never came. Ginny stood and loomed over me.

"WHAT DOES MALFOY HAVE THAT RON DOESN'T?" Ginny shouted. The room fell silent but for the crackle of the fireplace. Ginny and I stared at each other for the longest time before anyone spoke.

"Finish your tea and go to bed, Mione," Luna said firmly. She was glaring at Ginny.

"I haven't said everything I need to say," Ginny retorted, not taking her eyes off me.

"You've said plenty." Pansy's voice was cold as ice as she vanished her wine glass. She slid her feet back into her heels and came to stand beside Ginny. "It's time for you to go home."

"You don't tell me what to do. I'm not finished here."

Pansy quirked an eyebrow at Ginny. "Yes, you are." Pansy exchanged a brief nod with Luna before grasping Ginny's arm a split second before apparating them out of the room.

"Well," Luna began, taking another sip of tea. "That was unexpected."

I pressed the heels of my hands to my eyes while my mind whirled, trying to process what had just happened. I couldn't recall a time when I'd ever argued with Ginny like that. Not even our argument over Harry's use of Sectumsempra all those years ago had escalated to that level. I had confided in her at the time that I was working through my issues with Ron. Ginny also had never outwardly shown any resentment about my relationship with Malfoy, until now.

"That was awful," I groaned from behind my hands. Well understated, Hermione. "I can't believe Ginny would say those things! I mean, where did it come from? Had she ever said anything to you?"

Luna shrugged. "She had her concerns about your relationship with Malfoy, given your history, but that's all."

"'That's all'?" I repeated. "Why didn't she say anything to me?"

"You're quite a stubborn woman, Hermione Granger. She didn't think you would have listened."

"I would so!" I responded instantly. Luna looked at me with a knowing, amused gaze and my mouth snapped closed sheepishly. "Withdrawn." I tipped my head back against the back of the couch and sighed. "This night really couldn't have gone much worse. I'm sorry for dragging you away from Blaise. I'm okay if you want to get back to him."

Luna shook her head with a small smile. "Oh, it's alright. I think he's probably with Malfoy, having a similar conversation."

I stared up at the ceiling. "You and Blaise make a beautiful couple. You seem so good together."

"We're happy."

"How do you manage that?" I said cynically.

Luna shrugged. "Because we don't rely on each other to make the other happy. Individually, we were happy on our own. When two contented people come together, there's not a lot of room for sadness because there's nothing to fix. Blaise is the first man I've met that hasn't tried to change me. He accepts me fully as I am. I didn't think I'd find that in my lifetime, but I think the best things happen when you're not looking for them."

"I'm so pleased for you, lovely. I really am."

"That's nice," Luna smiled. "I ship you and Malfoy, you know."

"Why?"

"Because I trust your judgement. If you see something in Malfoy worth caring about, I trust you." Luna shrugged and drained the last of her tea. "I think you've earned the right to do what makes you happy."

"But you heard Ginny tonight. If she's thinking all of that, surely other people are thinking it too. People still have such strong opinions about Malfoy. Am I a fool for just ignoring it?"

"People have strong opinions about me too. Did you ever consider not being my friend?" Luna asked sagely. I considered her question for a moment. Once I'd gotten past Luna's eccentricities, I'd found her to be brilliant, perceptive and wise beyond her years, and I'd become extremely fond of her. I certainly didn't care what anyone thought of our friendship. But the basis for people's opinions on Luna and Malfoy were glaringly different.

"If you'd levelled a wand at Dumbledore with the intent to kill him, I would've reconsidered our friendship," I answered. Luna's eyes grew suddenly sharp.

"I promise you, Hermione, if someone threatened my father and I thought it was the only way to save him, I'd level my wand at you." Her customary dreamy tone had evaporated, replaced by a fierce earnestness. "That war forced us to make grown-up decisions with young minds. We didn't always get it right, but we did our best."

Once again, Luna had demonstrated her unnerving ability to speak the uncomfortable truth. She had hit the nail squarely on the head, and I chewed absently on my thumbnail.

"What do I do about Ginny, though? She's never been so angry with me."

Luna's steely countenance softened as she assumed her usual wistful expression. "Ginny owes you an apology for some of the things she said, but she was acting out of a sister's love. Give her time. She'll come around."

"Can you please at least check on Ginny? I have a feeling that Pansy may actually toss her out of the window after the 'Slytherin Queen' comment."

"I think Pansy would've loved that actually, but I'll check on them." Luna reached into her bag and drew out her cork necklace. "I have a feeling I'll need this."

After Luna left, I retired to bed, but I couldn't get Ginny out of my mind. I was hurt by what she'd said, but she was right on some level. I'd been that girl, and Ginny had just laid out a poorly worded intervention. I also thought about Pansy had said months ago. If I wanted Malfoy, have him. Was it indeed that simple?

As far as I knew, the Project was over, which meant nothing was keeping us from going for it. But if Malfoy honestly didn't want me anymore, I needed to accept it and move on. As the thoughts swirled around the vortex of my mind, I realised that I'd let myself forget who I was. I was Hermione Jean Granger. I had helped Harry bring Voldemort down with research and studying. I had excelled throughout all of my schooling and my career by being knowledgeable and informed. But with Malfoy, I was in the dark. I'd overthought the shit out of our relationship without knowing how he felt or what he wanted. We'd danced around our feelings for one another, never actually coming out and saying what we felt. I flung the covers back.

Not anymore.