We're finally happy. Finally grounded.
Whenever my mind tries to get the better of me, he's there to bring me back from it.
It's hard at first, after everything we went through, but naturally we fall more and more in sync with each other.
Our relationship is serious now. When I look at him, I feel fireworks explode within me. I love this man more than I love anything or anyone else in the entire universe. I can barely contain it.
We spend more and more time together, and the genin take notice. We haven't told anyone else about our engagement yet, except for Hiruzen of course. Kakashi just had to be traditional and ask my "father" for permission to marry me.
Our evenings out together often end up at one or the other's place. He never pushes me to do anything I'm not comfortable with, but I love this man so much that I'm not afraid of anything when I'm with him. He sets my mind and body at peace.
We often end up in bed together, and Kakashi is gentle and patient and kind, always sure never to do anything I'm not comfortable with. He listens to my wants and needs.
The first time we do it together, I know that it's right because my mind is completely free of all thoughts of Raven and I can only focus on the beautifully sculpted man standing before me. Nothing comes between us but hot and battered breaths.
"Are you sure you want this?" he breathes, struggling for breath just as much as I. His shirt is already on the floor and I feel my way all over his perfectly toned torso. My fingers are on fire and so is my gut. The feeling down there swells more and more and I plant my lips on his once more, battling for dominance. He wins, sliding his tongue into my mouth and his hands are in my hair as he slides a knee between by thighs, holding me up and against the wall.
We stop for only a moment while I breathe the word, "Yes."
The next moment, he picks me up and carries me to his bed, placing me down delicately and looking sweetly into my eyes, flicking back and forth from my eyes to my lips, as he hovers over me.
"I love you, Ayame Sarutobi. I can't wait to call you my wife."
I can't wait to be your wife, I think as he explores every crevice of my body with confidence. But I don't get the chance to tell him that as I grip hard to the sheets and slip into another world entirely. One of fireworks and explosions and utmost pleasure.
He holds me in his arms as we lay underneath the thin sheets. I can still taste his lips on mine as I stare up at the peacefully sleeping man who holds onto me in his sleep. Each breath is like a warm brush against my forehead and I can hear the steady thump of his heartbeat echoing inside his chest.
"Kakashi..." I whisper, shifting up a bit to plant a soft kiss on his nose. He groans and shifts but doesn't wake from his deep slumber. "Kakashi, wake up..." Once again, he shifts but his eyes remain locked, heaving a breath as he tries to roll over. I stop him, wrapping myself around him so my chin is in his hair. "Come on, we have to go meet the genin..." At this, he nuzzles his face into my neck and lets out a soft groan. "I knew you were awake," I snicker.
Finally, he pulls away from me and cracks his grey eye open, just a little. Forming a pouty face, he sighs before smiling. "It's okay," he murmurs, shifting again so he's closer to me and our bare legs are mangled underneath the covers. "We'll just be a little late, that's all. Nothing they aren't used to."
I pull myself away from him, untangling our legs and standing at the side of the bed, pulling the thin sheet away in the process. With it, I wrap myself and leave him shivering atop the mattress. "Okay, you can be late but no way in hell I'm stooping that low. I'm done being the late one all the time, I've made it my new goal to always be early." With an affirmative nod, I cross my arms and stand tall, keeping my chin in the air.
"Hmm? Is that so?" the silver-haired man hums as he rolls off the bed and pulls on some pants.
I nod again, keeping my composure as I try and focus on something other than the very sexy man standing before me. I can't help but feel a bit disappointed that he's getting dressed again, though I guess we can't just stay naked forever.
"Mhm," I say, closing my eyes and tilting my head away as the still-shirtless man approaches me. He plants a taunting kiss on my neck before grazing past me with his shoulder and putting the rest of his jonin uniform on.
"Suit yourself," Kakashi chimes, swinging a kunai around his finger before placing it into his leg holster. With that, he leaves the room and I hear his apartment door close. As soon as it does, a long sigh escapes my throat and I slump over, letting the sheet fall to the ground and the cold air hit my naked body.
"Yada, yada," I mutter as I search around the room for my various articles of clothing. "Is this what I'm gonna have to put up with for the rest of my life?"
Before long, I'm fully clothed and heading for our team meeting spot as well. It frustrates me to no end that Kakashi will probably make it there first, totally showing me up. I guess neither of us has the greatest track record for being on time.
At least this time, we both have a pretty good excuse. Too bad we can't tell it to the genin.
He didn't even wait for me to start explaining the next task to the genin. As I approach the bridge overlooking the river, which also happens to be the spot I held Kakashi as he cried many weeks ago, I see the genin's faces light up when Kakashi holds up a sheet of paper.
The kids are so enticed by it that not one of them sees me approach from behind. Kakashi winks at me as he holds the chunin exam applications up in front of our team. I can't help but smirk back.
"Don't just jump into it," I say as I grab both Naruto and Sasuke on the head. They all turn and the two boys give me a grim look as I ruffle their adorable hair. "The chunin exams aren't easy, you could even die."
Both boys and even Sakura shoot me terrified looks as I return it with a closed eye smile.
"Anyways, all three of you have to agree to take the exams since they are completed in three-man teams. But don't agree to it just 'cause you feel pressured to. Make this decision on your own, okay?"
Naruto immediately jumps, pumping his fist in the air, "Yashaaa! I'm gonna become a chunin, Aya-Sensei! Just watch!" Sasuke grunts as he crosses his arms and Sakura holds her hands under her chin as she looks between the two boys in her own world of thought.
"You have one week to decide," Kakashi adds, handing each genin an application. "In the meantime, do as you wish. This is your vacation of sorts."
All three kids taper off, Naruto and Sasuke heading in opposite directions and Sakura running to catch up with Sasuke, waving her hand and screaming, "Sasuke-kunnnn! Let's go on a date!"
I feel Kakashi's hand on my shoulder as we watch them leave.
"Think they'll go for it?" I ask, feeling a nervous kind of hope for these kids. They've improved significantly since they first came together as a team, but they've definitely still got a long way to go.
"This year's rookies are a promising bunch," Kakashi answers, using the hand not on my shoulder to place behind his head. "But it's still to early to tell if they'll take this chance."
The sun has begun to set over the horizon, filling the sky with all sorts of beautiful colors. Despite my willingness to be more open to change lately, I still can't view a sunset and feel entirely happy. Soon enough, the sun will disappear and the sky will turn black. An all familiar feeling of dread forms in the pit of my stomach.
My eyes shoot open, momentarily distracted from my thoughts, when I hear a clang followed by the sound of weapon piercing a target. I jump down from my tree to see my pupil doing some target practice with shuriken. The next one he throws, I deflect before revealing myself from behind a tree.
"Sensei," Sasuke grunts, greeting me with that monotonous tone of his. It's way better than a shrug and cold shoulder. He's really starting to warm up to me.
"Are you gonna participate in this year's chunin exams?" I ask, making my way over to him and placing my hands on my hips. He grunts again, turning away and very clearly choosing not to answer. "Forgetting about Naruto and Sakura, would you do it? If you could participate alone?"
That gets his attention. He finally looks me straight on and furrows his eyebrows before looking past me at one of the targets, where the shuriken has pierced dead-center.
"Mm," he grunts with a slight nod. I smirk and go to ruffle his hair again but he ducks out of the way before heading to the targets to retrieve his weapons.
"I'm glad," I say quietly before leaving the training ground. With my back still to him, I take a second to peek over my shoulder. He's looking directly at me with wide eyes but when he sees me looking, he quickly turns and starts throwing at the targets again. A big smile forms across my lips as I walk back to town.
I know it's not my place to try to influence any of their decision on whether to take the exams. In fact, I'm technically not allowed to. This is something the genin have to decide for themselves. But I can't help but feel glad knowing that Sasuke has a desire to keep improving. I know how set he has been on revenge, and I was honestly worried he might choose that over his own worth.
That child is in quite a situation. I'm sure his mind is running wild. I can only hope he chooses the right paths.
As I pass through the village, I run into Kurenai and Asuma. The two lovebirds are walking side by side, but still refuse to hold hands in public. That's just like Asuma, to be embarrassed about that sort of thing. Everyone knows about them, and I think they know that everyone knows, but neither wants to admit it to anyone.
"Oy, Asuma! Kurenai!" I say as they approach. Both send me warm smiles as they take a step away from each other, putting over a foot of distance between themselves. I pout, slumping my shoulders. "Come on, guys. You don't need to act like that around me."
"Hai, hai," Asuma muddles as he rubs the back of his neck, which makes the situation even more awkward. "I'm glad to see you're back up on your feet, sis. You really had me worrying for a couple months," Asuma says with a soft smile and eyes that show genuine concern.
Now I'm the one making things awkward, mirroring Asuma as we both rub the back of our necks with closed eye smiles. Thankfully, Kurenai is here to break the tension.
"Maa, let's not waste our time talking about the past. Are your genin going to participate in the chunin exams, Ayame?" Kurenai chimes, smiling sweetly with those beautifully unique red eyes of hers.
I nod. "Mm, I hope so, but Kakashi and I gave them a week to decide," I say, though I'm almost sure both boys will decide to participate. It's really up to Sakura. If she doesn't participate, the boys can't either because the exams require a three-man team.
Asuma perks up for a moment, glaring at me suspiciously.
"W-what's with that look?" I utter, slightly afraid of the intense glare my brother is giving me. In fact, it's one I've never seen on him before. He's usually cool and collected, with the exception of the times I've pissed him off.
"Mmm, just wondering why you're acting strange."
My face heats up and I stand straight, trying to look as normal as possible but failing miserably. Asuma reads me too well. "I-I'm not acting strange. Well, now that you're mentioning it, I am. But only because you're acting weird and it makes me feel weird."
Asuma smirks, raising an eyebrow and sighing which relieves me a bit. I furrow my own brows as I watch him think.
"Hey, why don't you just ask her?" Kurenai mutters, intending it for Asuma's ears. My head tilts sideways as I try to read the situation. Ask me what?
He sends me some sort of knowing smile before muttering, "Say, you and Kak-"
"Yes Asuma, we are together," I answer swiftly, because I don't want him to say anymore. It's bothersome enough as it is. Asuma has been pushing men my way ever since I told him I didn't have time for love. We were both changed people at that point, it was like trying to reform a relationship from totally new perspectives. He'd just resigned from his position in the Twelve Guardian Ninja and decided to work as a jonin for the Leaf, and I'd just joined ANBU and gotten over the stuff that happened with Raven.
The smirk that rises to his lips, a triumphant look of sorts, is all it takes to set me on edge. I suppress a groan and squeeze my hand into a fist at my side.
"I'm happy for you," he says then, joining hands with Kurenai. Something he would never do in front of anyone else. "I can't let my precious little sister be single forever, now can I?"
That earns him a solid grunt because I hate it when he calls me 'little'. I'm only two years younger than him, but he acts like he's my father.
"Yes, well, it's about time, wouldn't you say? I'm nearly 30 years old," I smirk, shooting Kurenai and Asuma a triumphant look of my own. "Hey, When are you two gonna get married? It's sort of pathetic that your little sister is engaged before you are, don't you think Asuma?"
Both of their expressions change, and not in the way that I'd initially expected, before I realize my mistake. Damn it. I let it slip.
"I wasn't supposed to tell you that. We were gonna keep it quiet for a while. Please don't tell anyone, I don't want to deal with people getting all over me, all the lovey-dovey congratulatory messages and stuff," I murmur as I make a face and turn my head from the two. Their eyes are lit up as they glare at me like they have a million things they want to say. I'm thankful that they don't, that they respect my wishes to keep things on the down-low for now.
Suddenly, I'm pulled into an embrace as Asuma, who's a whole head taller than me, wraps his arms around me and pulls me into his vest.
Quietly, calmly, he whispers, "Congratulations."
And I take it, but only because it's from him. "Thanks, oniichan."
Kurenai comes up behind Asuma and smiles kindly, offering her congratulations without words. Instead, she says, "It was about time that imbecile found someone. You two will be great together."
The fragility in Kurenai's words mean the world to me. There's an underlying message exchanged in her words, one only her and I could ever understand as I look into her soft, red eyes.
One that says, 'I see where you came from. I'm proud. I knew you could do it.'
She —and now Kakashi and Asuma —are the only ones who know about my past experiences with Raven. Though Kakashi is the only one to know of the most recent experience, Kurenai was the original one there for me all those years ago when I was first struggling. So the soft undertones in her voice mean the world to me, and it speaks louder than words ever could.
"When?" Kurenai chimes, changing the subject happily.
"Maa, we don't know yet. We're still figuring out the details. Probably after the chunin exams. Things are gonna be pretty busy around here, and we'd like to focus on preparing our genin," I say, waving my hands around nonchalantly as I explain.
The couple nods curtly before offering me one last smile. "Good luck," Asuma says, and I know it has two meanings—he's not only referring to my engagement and wedding preparations, but also to our genin. It's likely our genin will be competing against each other if they all partake in the exams, and we both know we will be rooting for our own.
"Likewise," I reply as we go our separate ways.
Finally, the sun has completely disappeared and the stars are starting to show. Despite how much I dread sunsets, the night is not actually that bad. The stars litter the sky a bit like glitter, shining down along with the moon and illuminating everything with a dark, bluish glow. It's serene, to say the least.
As I walk towards my apartment, I get a strange urge in my mind. It's something that doesn't happen often or at all, and I'm not quite sure how to feel about it. It's an urge that tells me I should go and visit Hiruzen.
My feet carry me down an opposite road from the one that leads to my apartment as I head back to my childhood home. It's been years since I've visited it and strangely enough, I sort of miss it.
Hiruzen and I never had an 'A+' relationship by any means, though I know a lot of that was due to my own frustration with my birth parents and his reluctance to tell me about them. Now that I'm older and finally moving on (and becoming a parent myself), it feels like a weight has been lifted and maybe, just maybe, Hiruzen and I can start fresh. I think I'd like that.
I get to the front door and reach out to knock, but hesitate. What's he gonna think, me just showing up at his door all these years later?
I mean, it's not like I haven't seen him. I see him all the time, just in his office while he's in uniform and such. This feels different. More intimate. Like I really have to address him like my uncle, and can't hide behind a facade by addressing him as the Hokage. For a moment, fear instills itself deep inside me and I consider turning around. But before I can do so, even before I've knocked on the door, it slides open with a long squeak.
"Ayame," he mutters. The familiar smell of smoke fills my lungs as I look up from the ground and finally face my uncle.
"Uncle Hiruzen," I respond, voice soft, like I might say something wrong. It's like I've forgotten how to talk to him... or maybe I never learned at all. Most of the time, we were bickering or making small talk. This feels new and unfamiliar. "I'm getting married... and-"
Hiruzen tilts his head as he looks at me, waiting quietly for me to continue. He doesn't urge me on or question why I've suddenly stopped mid-sentence. He waits willingly, patiently.
The thought is just now crossing my mind, as the words are escaping my lips. It shocks me just as much as it shocks him.
"Will you be my father at my wedding?"
I don't need to hear his response to know he is pleased. His eyes change, a look I've never seen in them before. Well, not while he's ever looked at me, at least. It's a look similar to the way he looks upon the little, tiny children in the village. Soft, loving, full of hope.
"Of course," he says, ushering me in. The warm glow from the lights and musky smell of smoke brings me back to my childhood, all the days I would come into this home and run straight to my room, trying my very best to avoid my stern uncle at all costs. But now, I'm realizing he wasn't stern. He was caring, all this time, and I just never gave him a chance.
"I'm sorry, for everything," I start to say, but he cuts me off as he pulls out a cushion at the short table and pours me a cup of tea.
"You do not need to apologize to me," he grumbles, pouring himself some tea as he kneels on a cushion across the table. "I should have been more open, you know, about your mother. It's because of that that we never were able to see eye to eye. I'd like to be open with you, from here on out. I don't want to see you go into another depression, Ayame."
Hiruzen still thinks my latest depression was about my mother and family issues. He doesn't know about Raven's appearance at my apartment. In fact, everyone in the village who was on Raven's case still believes he simply left the village when they released him at the gates. They watched him walk away. How he managed to return and get past all the security is something Kakashi and I may never know, but we are choosing not to focus on it. We're both moving forward, forgetting about the past and focusing on creating a future.
A future for us, a future for this unborn child... my hand travels subconsciously to my abdomen and Hiruzen takes notice. By the time I realize what I've done, the way my hand makes my loose sweater grip to my round stomach, it's too late. There's no hiding this one.
His face goes blank for a moment as his jaw drops a little. As if he doesn't quite know how to act, the words come out all jumbled and awkward, "Uhh, I heard about your engagement, congratulations. And..." he pauses as his eyes trail down to my abdomen once again. I take my sweater off and place it neatly on the floor beside me. The tight undershirt that I wore in ANBU—the one that used to show off the slick, toned shape of my stomach—is sticking to the now curved shape of my abdomen. It's nearly impossible to hide without wearing baggy clothing now.
The faintest of smiles finds my lips as I acknowledge my uncle's suspicion. I allow him to think it's Kakashi's because the alternative is telling him about Raven and I'm not ready for that yet.
I speak for him, because I can tell he doesn't know how to react. "I'm nearly 4 months along," I say as I hold the small bump tenderly in both hands.
"So that's why he was so desperate to marry you..." Hiruzen mutters under his breath, more to himself than to me. I give him a confused glance and he shakes me off, "Maa, never mind that."
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier. Not even Asuma knows yet."
Hiruzen shakes his head, grunting. "No, no, it's okay. It's your life and you shouldn't feel pressured by my expectations. I don't want you to live with that mindset anymore."
Feeling a warmth spread throughout my body at this remark, I drink my tea with a smile.
This is it. This is what I needed. Hiruzen and I can finally get along. Kakashi and I are getting married. We're becoming parents. My life is just finally falling into place.
"One last thing," he says, breaking the silence. I look up from my tea and he speaks with power and slight urgency—the same voice he uses to address crowds as the Hokage, "If Kakashi doesn't treat you right, he'll be punished—and not by the Hokage; by the father of the bride. You make sure to tell him that for me."
A sweet smile curls on the corner of my lips as I chuckle quietly under my breath and finish the last of my warm tea, enjoying the feeling as the sweet flavor slides down my throat.
Yes, everything is falling into place.