Chapter 21: Lost

Bill was having a full-blown identity crisis after the Authority fell. He felt guilty for all the damage the Authority had done - despite Sookie telling him over and over again that he didn't do it all alone, so he shouldn't take all the guilt on his own either. Nora, for example, was just - if not more - responsible, and yet Sookie didn't see her anywhere around Fangtasia moping around like a sad teddy bear. In fact, she was nowhere to be seen at all. But deep down, Sookie believed Bill also felt guilty for turning his back on Lilith. The amount of guilt and regret he carried on his shoulders left the man she once loved unrecognizable. He was there, but she had lost him.

Sookie tried her best to be supportive. Bill had the idea to develop a new kind of Tru Blood and she was all for the idea. At first, this new focus seemed to be healing his mind, but quickly it grew into a dark obsession. He spent nights on end locked in his basement, studying and experimenting. He never wanted to go out with her or do anything to relax with her. Let alone do anything romantic. He told her she could hang around the lab, as long as she wasn't disturbing. Sookie even tried to understand what he was studying, and tried to read all those big words and chemistry theory along with microbiology… But it was out of her league. She was never very good at school, and never went to college. This was way out of her league, so the best she could do… Was to stay out of his way.

The straw that broke the camel's back was when he decided to make his new synthetic blood based on fairie's blood instead of humans. Maybe even give vampires the power of walking in the sun. Bill believed this would save the vampire kind from humans once and for all, or at least restore the balance of how life was before the Authority went off the rails. It was originally Russell Edgington's idea, so Sookie knew it couldn't be any good.

The night Bill asked her for a sample of her blood was the night that she walked out. She was many things, but a guinea pig wasn't one of them. This would expose the existence of fairies to the whole world, and Sookie did not bet it would go well at all, seeing how hostile humans turned against vampires. Granted, they kind of deserved it at this point.

Soon after she met Warlow and her world was turned upside down again. Sookie didn't mean to fall in love with him, but she did. It was unexplainable what she felt for him. He was exactly what she desired for so long. It was like puzzle pieces who just fit together. Being with him was like being home. Their connection was deep, raw and easy. She didn't have to fight to be with him like she did with Bill. She didn't have to fight to be away from him like she did with Eric. He just wanted her, and he did for a very long time. Warlow accepted her for who she was. He was just happy to be near her. Their hands lit up every time they touched. It was pure joy.

And at this point, she knew better. She knew a vampire-fairy hybrid was going to be trouble, even more so than the regular vampire boyfriend. Once she found who he really was, she was ready to kill him. Use the last of her light on him, to avenge what he did to her parents. But Lafayette - despite swearing off magic forever after losing Jesus - agreed to help her to find out the truth. He summoned the spirits of her parents and they admitted what really happened. After discovering Sookie had been promised to a vampire by her great great grandfather, her own parents tried to kill her. She was just a child, and her daddy was going to murder her just so Warlow wouldn't claim her. It was an awful feeling hearing that from your own parents. Her mom and dad rather see her dead than turned into a vampire. What kind of love was that? What kind of parents were that? They could have at least tried to understand what vampires were. Or find out a way to get her out of the contract. There were a dozen other things they could have done, but they chose to kill her. And if it weren't for Warlow - not her fairy Godmother, or grandfather, or any other fairy for that matter - they would have succeeded.

So she loved Warlow. There was just something about him. He was so kind, and warm, and not to mention straight up a hot. He was even funny. But Sookie needed to end things with Bill for good if she was going to seriously date Warlow. Something just didn't sit right with her about how things ended. And that's why she was about to knock on his door.

"Sookie?" He greeted her with a shy smile. Bill looked like shit. He somehow looked older, paler and skinnier. Was he sick? Did vampires get sick?

"Do you have a minute?" She asked. "We need to talk."

After they sat down in his living room she told him everything, from the beginning. She told him how the day after their last argument she had met someone, and she had fallen for him. Sookie was here on official breaking up business. This feeling, being here and telling him this felt all too familiar. It wasn't the first time she broke up with him. Bill said he understood, with the same look on his face. Even with his voice filled with sorrow, he told her he was happy for her. Sookie thought she would feel better after telling him, but she didn't. She still felt guilty as hell. Was she making a mistake? Was that why she felt so awful? A little part of her always believed Bill Compton was The One. But she had to let that part go because the Bill she once loved… He simply didn't exist anymore.

"How have you been? You look… Tired, somehow." She asked, trying to change the subject.

"I've been… Busy. Studying fairy blood and working with a scientist I've… Hired."

"Fairy blood? So you got your sample after all," she stiffened up.

Bill seemed uneasy at her reaction. More guilt flashed through his face "I did."

"And?"

"We can't replicate it," he sighed. "The crystals are too unstable. Now I'm just focusing on making a proper synthetic blood formula."

"Good. I'm sure you'll be making the new and improved Tru Blood 2.0 in no time then," Sookie stood up, with a heavy heart. "I won't keep you."

"You're not."

"I made dinner plans with Warlow anyway, so I should-"

Bill got up and his fangs got out. "Warlow? As in Macklyn Warlow?!" He hissed.

"Bill, what the fuck?!" She took a step back.

"You didn't tell me his name was Warlow. Sookie do you have any idea of what he is?!"

"As a matter of fact, I do know!"

"He is dangerous Sookie!" He roared.

"Oh Jeez Bill, where have I heard that one before?" She roared. Sookie was so both pissed and hurt at his reaction.

"You don't understand, Warlow is the oldest vampire in existence, he is unimaginably powerful! And if he lived this long he surely is incredibly intelligent-"

"And?! Are you insinuating I am not good enough for him? Little Sookie Stackhouse is just a part fairy waitress from Bon Temps, how could a vampire like that be interested in such a thing?!"

"Don't twist my words!" Bill threatened. "I thought you broke up with me because you wanted to be normal and have a normal life?"

"Well, I'm not normal Bill, so it would never work. And it's not why I broke up with you this time around, and you know it."

But he ignored her. "Warlow is Lilith's progeny, Sookie. She could summon him at any time, and he would have to help Her to whatever She wanted. He could be dangerous, he could hurt you!"

"He is not! He would never hurt me! The only dangerous one here is you!" Sookie yelled. "You find one thing to believe in and you throw yourself so deeply into, you don't care what collateral damage you take down with you! You did that for Queen Sophie-Anne, you did it with the Authority, then with Lilith and now with this Tru Blood. The only thing you don't seem to be capable of giving your all to is me!"

Bill looked away, ashamed. He had no right at insinuating Sookie didn't know who to date. Not after he turned his back on her. Not after everything they went through.

"Who was the fairy, huh?! Did she give you a sample willingly?! Because no sane fairy would give blood for a vampire to duplicate. And please tell this has nothing to do with Andy's kids..."

Bill opened his mouth but no words came out. Sookie lost all her breath at once. It was him. He killed four innocent fairies in his quest for "peace". She couldn't believe this. Eric Northman was right about him all along. He was a wolf in sheep's clothing. Bill Compton was a monster. How could she ever have loved someone like that?

"If Tru Blood at least tastes better, vampires will cease to attack humans! And nothing tastes better… Than you."

"Well, I'm fuckin' flattered. Goodbye Bill."

And horrified, she stormed off.

Fangtasia was surprisingly full of patrons. A huge poster outside advertised it was ladies' night. Nowhere else for vampires to be, I guess, Bill thought. Tara let him in, skipping the huge line of people - from hillbillies and southern belles to aggressive punk and goths. All in dubious taste, as this was still Shreveport. Tara advised him to avoid Pam at all costs - the blonde was in a good mood today which was rare, and Tara didn't want him to ruin it. But he didn't come here for Pam. Much for his disappointment, Eric's chair was empty. Ginger wasn't working either, so he had to go with the other familiar face working the bar - the one he was specifically told to avoid.

"No," Pam told him. "No. No. No. NO!" She pointed at the door with her long manicured nail. "Three months without your bullshit is nowhere near enough!"

Bill sighed but said firmly. "I need to speak with Eric."

"I said no! Now get lost, Compton."

"It's about Raven," he told her.

It wasn't, not truly. But it was the only way he could get to him. Pam clenched her jaw and gave him a cold look that could kill. But Bill knew how her relationship with Eric worked. She couldn't keep things from him. If Eric found out she had been keeping information about the witch from him, his wrath would be next level Eric Northman. And Bill heard the Viking had been in particularly wrathful moods as of late.

"He's downstairs," she told him, rolling her eyes and immediately walking away, cursing under her breath.

Bill entered the dark basement searching for Eric. He never knew what to expect when coming down these stairs. But if Northman was doing it out here, then it was certainly not appropriate for the public eye. Turns out Eric was in fact, butt ass naked and fucking some woman who was bent over a coffin.

"Ahem-" Bill cleared his throat after taking some steps back up, pretending that he didn't see what he just saw. "Eric?"

"Yeah?" He called out, not stopping.

"I have to talk to you for a minute," Bill could hear his body still clapping against the back of the woman's thighs. "It's kind of important."

"I'm listening," he told him.

Was he really not going to stop fucking? Had he no shame? Who was Bill kidding, this was Eric Northman.

"It's about Raven Blackwood."

Silence. Then clothes shuffling. It only took him almost one hundred years after meeting him, but he finally found Eric Northman's weakness. Bill slowly made his way down the stairs.

"Go on, speak," Eric said, buttoning his jeans. The woman - a very pretty and tall brunette - put her clothes on and left without a word, but not without shooting Bill a dirty look first.

"Sookie's in trouble," Bill told him.

"Don't care."

"Yes, you do."

Eric shot him an annoyed look. Maybe Bill had made a mistake, maybe Eric didn't care. Maybe he cared more for Raven than Bill had thought. The man sure had a knack for wanting women he couldn't have. Or maybe just women Bill had. Raven was his witch first.

"Then what are you here for, Bill?" Eric asked him in a serious tone. Bill shifted on his feet, avoiding his eyes. "Oh my, trouble in paradise?" He smirked.

"I've been going through some stuff," he told him. Some stuff was maybe downplaying it. "We are no longer together and Sookie is seeing someone else."

It was hard saying those words out loud. He had lost Sookie. Again. And this time, he was going to stay away. He had hurt her enough.

"Did you seriously come all this way just to tell me you broke up?" He asked, putting his shirt on.

"No! I just- "

"Stop." The Viking said, raising his voice. "Just stop. You hauled me in enough of your bullshit, and I've had enough Compton. You're not King anymore, so now I can finally tell you this to your face: Fuck. You. I don't give a fuck about-"

"Eric, I know you're angry with me-"

"Angry doesn't begin to fucking cover it." He sneered, putting his hands in his pockets. "Did you know I had to hire a whole security team for this place now? Fangtasia's been open for 6 years and never in my fucking life I needed to hire protection-"

"I know I fucked up, okay?!" Bill yelled. "Hundreds of vampires have been killed, tortured or have disappeared since the Authority fell and it is all my fucking fault! I feel… I feel responsible for all of this-"

"Good, you should," Eric said, and the words felt a punch to the stomach. But he deserved it. In fact, he deserved much worse.

"I know. I turned my back on you. I saw a way out of my own pain and I went too far. I play that night over and over in my head, and it still doesn't feel right. I still don't know if I'm going to hell believing in a false God. Or if She was the right God and I turned my back on Her… Or if I did the right thing for not doing what She asked of me,"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"It was supposed to be me, Eric... Who turned Raven into a vampire using the sacred Blood. Lilith asked me so Herself. I was the chosen one to carry out her plan - to sire the Holy vessel."

"...What?" Eric muttered, words barely escaping him.

"But then… Sookie showed up and I completely froze. How could Lilith have chosen such a weak servant? Sookie is, and always will be my weakness. Raven knew this. Her father knew this. That's why he made you carry out Her plan instead."

"You say it as if it was a good thing. I killed her Bill. I woke up from the spell Elijah put me under and she was dying," His stare was intense, in a way that only Eric could do. His voice was heavy. He carried pain too. "And now Lilith gets to roam free, wearing her skin..."

"And now who knows what kind of horrors She is unleashing upon the world?" Bill agreed. "Have you heard about all the stillborn children? Do you think it is Her?"

Eric still stood in silence. He had lost his attention halfway through the conversation. It was clear that the Viking did not know Bill was originally the chosen one. Hopefully, Eric would feel a bit more at ease with himself, knowing Raven was going to die all along. If not by Eric's hand, it would have been by Bill's. The silence grew too uncomfortable. It was time to rip the band-aid off.

"Sookie is dating Warlow." He finally told him.

"Who the fuck is Warlow?" Eric snapped back.

"Warlow was the first vampire Lilith made."

"Okay… And why should I care? What does that have to do with Raven?" Eric asked, patience wearing thin.

"Because," Bill continued. "Warlow is the one who killed Lilith the first time around."

Eric found himself at Sookie Stackhouse's front porch. Must all roads lead here? A million thoughts flashed in his mind. Was Bill lying about the progeny? Was this one of Bill's intricate plots? If not, was Warlow to be trusted? If yes, he didn't want Lilith killed… Entirely. He wanted the demon out of Raven's body. He wanted his witch back, alive, in his arms. And how in the world had Nora not found this guy? And if she did… Did he hurt her? Is that why she was not answering him?

He could only hear Sookie's calm heartbeat inside the house. He couldn't pick the scent of anyone else within half a mile, so he barged in. Sookie was in the kitchen and got caught by surprise, scared by the sudden sight of him. She almost spilled a whole pot of spaghetti and meatballs all over the floor, but Eric caught it midair. He carefully put the hot dish on the table, not minding getting his hands burned.

"Goddammit, Eric!" She yelled.

"You're welcome," he said as his hands healed.

"You can't just barge in here any time you want!"

"I can actually, it's my house," he didn't know why, but angry Sookie was really funny to watch. It was like watching an angry chihuahua. And he liked the fact that he still held power over her.

"What do you want?!"

What did he want? Ah yes, The Million Dollar Question. "I heard you made an interesting friend,"

Sookie scoffed loudly. "Did Bill tell you? It's really none of your business, Eric." She crossed her arms angrily.

"Well, I think your friend can help me."

"With what?"

"Raven."

Sookie was a bit surprised. "You mean, Lilith?"

"No, I do mean Raven."

"Ravens are bad juju, you know that right? She's like... A literal omen of death or something?"

Such a tiny naive brain, in such a hot package. "Where I come from, ravens are the eyes of Odin. Seeing a raven in battle meant God was watching over you. So depends who you ask."

She paused for a moment, studying his face. "You love her, don't you?"

Eric didn't say anything. He tried to picture the witch, but his memory of her was starting to fade. That was the thing about memories - the more you think about them, the more you change them. The only true thing he had left was how he felt about her. He desired her like he never desired anything else in his entire existence. The pull he felt for her, to hear her voice, to taste her skin, to just hold her. To make her smile.

Eric couldn't bring himself to say yes. It just hurt too much.

"I need her back, Sookie," he told her. "If Warlow helps me destroy Lilith, I will give you your house back," Sookie's eyes widened. "You will never have to see me again."

"Okay," she agreed. "I will ask him."

He nodded, feeling relieved she agreed. Each passing night, he felt lost in a world without Raven and it was a dark fucking place. Watching her die was a memory that plagued his mind. Feeling her body go cold, on a loop. Knowing that he was responsible for her death was eating him inside. This was the first time since he lost her that he felt any closer to getting her back. And when he did, he would never let go.

"Eric," she called out as he was leaving. "She loved you too, you know?"

He stopped, without turning. Her small smile when she last saw him, before her blue eyes closed for the last time. Just hold me, she asked.

"Yeah," he muttered. "I know."

Eric was browsing the dinner menu through his texts, picking one through his favourites meals. Blonde, from Dallas or a redhead from Santa Monica? Oh, a delicious brunette from… Jacksonville? Pass. Why was she even on his phone? He checked his messages again. 24 hours later and still no word from Sookie. Now the bitch decided to be quiet? After dinner, he was going to pay the fairy a visit, and maybe meet this Warlow in person.

The club was full yet again. Pam and Tara had the night off, so he had to stay until closing time. Pam really poured her dark heart and soul in this place, and it was a miracle they even had people coming in with the current political climate. The world had turned against them. Vampires were being hunted left and right, with complete immunity from the law. They were not considered human, not even dead ones at that, so they had no rights. Turns out Fangtasia was the safest place to be. And attracting humans was the real trick, one that Pam had mastered. People danced and drank the night away trying to forget the hell that existed outside those doors. Eric paid them no mind - until he saw her in the crowd.

Long, slightly messy hair, white ivory skin. Slip dress but in white. Satin, like a nightgown, going down only halfway past her thighs. She wore no shoes and all her nails were long and sharp. Her skin was pale but dull. Eric had to lean forward to focus on the colour of her eyes - they were red still. He leaned back on his chair, disappointed but not surprised. Through his phone he shut off the music, and the crowd threatened to boo - but it only took a glance at Eric Northman to know better.

"We are closed, everyone out." His voice took over the room.

Slowly, but with plenty of complaints everyone made their way out. Everyone but her, who stood in the middle of the dance floor exploring the club with curious eyes. She took a look around the place, now empty. The lights were still twirling around, but everything else was quiet. He was conflicted about what to do. Both had tried to kill each other, both had failed. He had no idea if he could undo what Blackwood did. Using Warlow was the nuclear option until he knew it could actually be done the way he wanted.

"Nice place," she said in a voice all too familiar.

"Ah. She speaks."

The strange woman in Raven Blackwood's body studied the place. Her walk, voice and eyes were different, but everything else was too much the same. It was odd seeing her dressed in white. She got up the pole platform right in front of him and circled it once, slowly. Almost threatening to dance in front of him.

"What do you want, Lilith?" He asked, reminding himself of who she was.

"Why can't I kill you?" She asked, then her knee hooked on the pole and she did a simple spin.

Of course. The one God walking on earth, the one creature absolutely capable of anything, unlimited power - had one single weakness. Lilith could not harm him. That confirmed his suspicions that she could, in fact, be killed. Why else would she care? He just had to figure out how.

"Raven Blackwood took a vow," he told her, trying not to remember that night. "She wanted to be mine, so she was." He remembered the addicting taste of her skin. How she felt in his arms. Of her legs wrapped around his hips. It was all there in front of him - but it was a lie. He killed the woman he loved, and here was merely an impostor.

Lilith got higher on the pole with one graceful jump and did a slightly more complicated twirl. "Were you hers?" She asked.

Eric shifted on his chair, uncomfortably. He wished he had told Raven how he felt about her. Or least shown her in some meaningful way. But he killed her instead.

Lilith scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Typical."

"Leave," he told her, showing his fangs. "Before I kill you."

"No you won't," she teased him with a smile, sliding down the pole and making her dress ride dangerously high.

"I know about Warlow," he threatened.

She grinned, showing her fangs as she did another spin. Torturing Eric by displaying Raven's body, dangling it in front of him was fun for her. "That's not why,"

"You think very highly of yourself, don't you?"

"I have created thousands of the most beautiful children this world has seen. For thousands of years, they pray in my honour each night. Many have died for me-"

"Can't say I am surprised by how people are fucking stupid."

"You don't believe in God?" She asked, as one of her dress's straps fell off from one of her shoulders.

"No, I don't."

"That's funny," she stood up against the pole and pulled down her other strap, letting her dress fall off the floor. "Considering how you used to worship this body."

He got off his chair and by the very next second, he had Lilith by the throat, pinned against the pole. He growled at the demon, who just dangled from his grasp with a smile on her face. He could tell by the look in her eye that Lilith had all of Raven's memories. She knew exactly what buttons to push on him, and it was working.

"Do it," she defied him. "Hurt me."

He squeezed her neck harder, trying to shut her up. But she still grinned ear to ear, calling his bluff. Kill her. He could dismember her limb by limb, scatter her body parts in through all the oceans. Drown the head in holy water, lock in a safe and throw away the key. He could skin her alive, make her suffer slowly. Or boil her in hot oil. There were hundreds of other ways to end this demon right now.

But he recognized the curl on her smile. He felt her soft skin under his fingers. The way her hair draped on her shoulders. How familiar her body felt. Her scent. She smelled like being home. This was still Raven, somehow. The X mark was glowing faintly on her naked shoulder. Raven was still his. The bond, the attraction, the craving he felt was not only for her body. It wasn't just carnal desire what longed for the woman under his fingers. He needed her soul back.

He couldn't do it. Not when there was a slim chance of getting his Raven back. He couldn't bear looking at Lilith anymore. He couldn't look at those red eyes, taunting him. She knew exactly what she was doing. Raven may have been created for this purpose, but she had a life. She had dreams, and feelings, and thoughts of her own. Elijah Blackwood had no right to do it, and Lilith had no right to accept a body that was not hers. Raven was his. In every way that mattered. He let her go and before leaving the room, he told her over the shoulder.

"You are a terrible fucking mother."

He didn't care to look at her again, but her cold voice spoke again. "At least I can still sire children."

By the tone in her voice, he knew he had struck a nerve. But she was gone before he could turn around and read her face. He was left alone standing by the bar, in a completely empty Fangtasia.

"What the fuck does that even mean?"

A.N.: Hello!

I only have some bits and pieces left to write OH MY GOD, I am so nervous I hope you like how it ends.