The first thing I see when I wake up is stars. They're beautiful, I think. The next thing is Yuki's worried face. She starts to ask who I am but I ignore her to wobble to my feet. I sway and shift my feet to stabilize myself before taking a step and falling forward. I manage to catch myself but slide down, defeated. My limbs feel like rubber and I let out a huff of frustration. Yuki continues to pester me with questions but I am more focused on the figure coming into sight, it's Akira, of course. Finally I turn towards Yuki and tell her I am fine and to quit fussing. She lets out her own huff of frustration and stalks over to Akira to say something I can't hear. There's too much noise in my head, the dull pains and feeling of shame and anger. If I can't handle one lousy river how am I going to handle something really important? I have a monumental task in front of me and I need to improve and quickly. Maybe Kuromaru was right, and I should stay out of the Hyuuga affair. I can't handle this. Any of this!
My thoughts quickly turn sour and self-deprecating. If I were feeling better I would be digging through some of this dirt, or running, or doing something to get rid of all of these thoughts and this frustrated energy, but I can't. Yuki and Akira finally reach me, and Akira drops a small pile of sticks she was carrying.
"Takahiro must have taken the others to the bridge up river to cross over. They'll probably meet us sometime this evening or early morning if they decide to camp. For now, we are building a fire. Got to keep you warm, and the smoke will make it easier for him to find us." she says and her tone is flat.
I really don't need this right now. I think to myself, and the voice answers, "why are you letting this bother you so much? Why is she so important anyways?" I shake my head, trying to dispel this voice. Akira nudges the sticks into a circle and then gathers some small kindling. Then she leaves to look for moss, and tells us not to wander off.
It's then that Yuki breaks the silence. "Akamaru, You've been acting weird lately, like you're in pain…" she fidgets uncomfortably.
"I'm fine" I cut her off curtly. The voice in my head has retreated but there's still the nagging headache.
"You keep saying that… but you're not!" She says, and the sharp pitch of her voice sets my headache off. I let out a small growl.
"Akamaru, I'm serious, come on!" the whine is back. My head throbs.
"Are you serious? Are you really?" I growl back, "I don't have time for this right now!"
Akira speaks up now emerging from the woods. "That's just it! You never have time, not for me, not for your family-" Yuki flinches- "only for Kuromaru and Kento." Akira spits out their names and I can see the flash of her canines. A few months ago this would have scared me, but now I am just angry.
"What's that supposed to mean?" I snarl back.
"What it means is it was so fucking easy for you to drop us, run on to Kuromaru. Why is that? Were we not strong enough? Not well connected? I get it. Kuromaru picked you and now you're too good for us, for me." I try to interrupt and tell her she is wrong but she's on a roll now. "Of course, I mean why would you want to be seen with someone like me, the weird runt who fucked up and almost let her partner die! The weirdo whose too afraid to leave the village now. Being seen with Little old "Dishonorable discharge" me would be a stain on your reputation!" The way her voice breaks, and the look in her eyes tells me that this isn't just about how I treated her, but at the same time my heart aches with guilt. I can see the shock on Yuki's face as well but she chooses to stay quiet.
It explains a lot, actually, like why she had so much free time, and why I never met her partner. She barely talked about him, in fact, up until now, I didn't even know he was a "he." My thoughts are racing and I don't respond, just give her a blank face, which she must take for rejection because she tries to storm off.
"Wait!" I call, and rush to catch up with her. "That's not it I promise! Please, let me explain!"
Yuki steps out to her other side, and gives her a sort of look I can't really place. There's an… almost battle of wills going on as they stare at each other before Akira lets out a huff and flops over. She's not looking at me but it's the best I'll get. Yuki nods at me.
"I.. I'm really sorry. I am. I never meant to make you feel that way. Either of you, but there's a lot of dangerous things going on, and as Kiba's partner, I am going to be thrown into them. I've been so focused on trying to get stronger, so I can keep him and the other kids safe. I guess I got so preoccupied with that it was like I had blinders on… I never meant to ignore you. I promise. And I'm not ashamed of you. I just get tunnel vision easily." I shuffle, uncomfortable with these apologies. I mean, I feel bad, but isn't she over-reacting? She's completely misunderstood, and while she has a right to be angry, I guess, it's not all my fault! There are a lot of emotions churning in my head, and I have a lot of things I want to say but I bite my tongue. None of those would help this situation and right now I just want everyone to stop being mad at me. That's the problem, isn't it? The voice says, liltingly, No-one's ever going to know why you lie to them, they're just going to know you lie. You're going to fight so hard and in the end, there won't be any praise for you. "Would you please just shut up?" I respond, screwing my eyes shut as another headache breaks against my forehead like the currents of the river.
Then I open my eyes and see that I must have said that out loud. Yuki looks concerned and opens her mouth, pauses and then shuts it again. That's a relief. I can't really explain this, and the more she asks, the more it reminds me that I don't know much of anything. I mumble out sorry, and turn away to sleep. I can hear Akira shift and suddenly I smell smoke. I want to know how, but my pouting outways this and I remain still, thinking until I fall into a restless sleep.
I wake up when I smell an approaching pack of dogs. Takahiro comes into view, and a few pups bound forward to swarm Yuki, asking her questions. Akira begins to report to Takahiro. I stand awkwardly to the side, until Takahiro comes to greet me.
"Did you guys make up?" he says, way to cheerful for the early hour and the gravity of the situation.
"Maybe? I don't know really. I'll figure it out later though" I say, and he looks surprisingly stern.
"Later? Don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today." he admonishes and I wince.
"Ok, I'll try" I grumble, and he nods before turning to address the group.
"Ok everyone. For today, we have a very special task." he moves to a tree, and I realize it has a bright red stripe painted around its circumference. "This red mark signals the border between our compound and the Nara's. Do. Not. Cross. It. within our own territory I need you to hunt down a small animal, rabbits, squirrels, birds, whatever catches your fancy. Tracking is often a long term mission, and we aren't built to run on soldier pills. Your partner will appreciate the fresh meat too." I gulp, understanding what he means. He wants us to kill… some poor animal?
"Dismissed!"
With that, almost everyone scatters to hunt. It's only Takehiro, Akira, Yuki and I. He looks at the two of us and sighs. "I know you two are probably tired, but I'm afraid that's simply how being a ninken works. You need to power through it. This is important for being permitted to become a partner. If you don't complete it this time, you'll have to wait a year." We both wince and take off into the forest. She breaks away first, smelling something, and disappears in the underbrush. I continue running straight before stopping. This should be far enough away that I won't get disturbed by anyone else. My training with Kuromaru should help me here. This shouldn't be harder than tracking Kenta!
It isn't long before I catch a scent, and hear something moving through the underbrush. I crouch and begin to crawl through the forest, careful to avoid leaves and twigs. As I enter the brush, I spot it, a small bird, hopping around in the dirt. I wince. I really don't want to kill some small woodland creature, but if I don't, I won't be cleared to be Kiba's partner. I adjust my footing and get ready to pounce… 3… 2… damn it's cute…. 1….
There's a surprised squawk and the bird flies up into the canopy. Damn it. I slink back into the underbrush. With that, most of the small animals in the area are probably on high alert. I'll have to move further into the forest. I take off, carefully trying to silence the sound of my footfalls. I reach another clearing, near the river and camp out. Maybe something will come by for a drink? Sure enough, a rabbit approaches a shallow section of the river, and I crouched down ready to pounce. Once again, I miss, and it goes running. Damn it! My stomach starts to growl in protest. I haven't eaten since breakfast yesterday, and I am exhausted, but I can't stop now, so I walk deeper and deeper.
WARNING: GORE AHEAD! SKIP TO AUTHOR NOTES AND READ THAT IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ THIS!
The sound of a panicked bird brings me back to my senses. The forest is darker here, the trees grow thicker and the canopy blocks out most of the light. It's also quieter and there's a smell here that I don't like. It puts me on edge. I turn to leave when I hear a noise and startle. In front of me is a large snake, yellow and black stripes going down it's body. That body was about 8 times the length of me, with menacing black eyes and a diamond shaped head. Shit. I start backing away and hear a crack behind me. The snake whirls towards me, and flicks it's tongue out. Shit. shit. It raises it's head up and narrows it's eyes. My muscles tense up, and so does the snake's. We stare at each other.
Thud!
Just as I move left it springs forward, fangs extended. I turn to face it as it draws itself up, hissing. There are a million thoughts running through my head. Is it poisonous? God, look at the size of those fangs, poisonous or not, I couldn't let it bite me!
Thud!
Same as before, I dodge just as it strikes, but this time I feel the gust of air as it passes. I shiver. That was too close. I learned this, I learned this! I chant, but when learning to dodge with Kenta, It was never this intense. Please be over. I turn to look, but the snake is drawing itself up, readying for another attack. I need to run! I tense, getting ready to run when I realize something. There are more snakes. Not that I can see, but the smell is too strong. Without knowing where, I can't simply run into the underbrush.
What do I do? Think, think, what else can I do? What would Kenta do? But I can't focus. Every rustle of leaves, every hiss of the snake, and I am torn away from any kind of plan. I hear a rustle of wind above m, and my eyes dart up. Branches…
Mistake. The snake lunges and while I miss it's teeth, it manages to whip it's tail into me, and I stumble left, winded. I just need to think! Can't escape, can't escape. Damn it! The snakes are still surrounding me, watching lazily from the brush. I let out a desperate howl: please, someone save me! A bird startles from above, and I can hear it fly away, but this time I keep my eyes focused on the enemies. Wait… Up!
The snake lunges again, coming at me from the side this time, but by the time it lands, I am gone, claws deperately digging into the bark of the tree as I heave myself up. Desperately, I try to use my chakra to cling to the bark, and barely feel it latch on. It's just enough that with a running start I manage to clear the first branch. I nearly collapse on it, winded. Safe for now, I think, Just need to wait for help to arrive. I let out another howl, stronger now, but then I look down.
Damnit. The snake is climbing, and this time it isn't alone. Four snakes are slowly winding their way up the tree, while another waits at the bottom. I look up, it's too far for me to jump to another branch, especially with the pain in my side. I feel my whole body tense up, and my thoughts tangle together. I'm going to die!
Then I hear it, a howl in the distance, and I recognize it as Akira. I turn towards the direction I heard it to howl in response, and the snake on the ground does as well. Then it looks up at me and hisses a challenge, but I am no longer so afraid. Just one, just one and then I can make it to Akira, I think, and my nerves settle slightly. I can do this.
The climbing snakes are nearer now, but I still have a few seconds to think. How do I take the snake on the ground out? I run through all of my lessons with Kenta and Kuromaru. The best place to attack is the back. I can't do that, it's too far away. But… maybe? Yes. If I draw it into a lunge, and dodge only slightly, and move forward instead, I might be able to get behind it. Akira howls again, and I can hear an edge of panic in her voice. I take a deep breath and let out one more howl before I jump.
I try to roll into my fall, but it's clumsy, and my paws sting from the landing, but I barely notice with the blood pumping in my ears. If I get it wrong and don't dodge far enough, It bites me in the face or neck. Dead. If I dodge too far I won't be able to reach it and bite down. I can feel my energy flagging. I was never good at quick time reactions in video games. Shit. I gulp. The snake's been sizing me up and down, coiled up and hissing. Now that I am on the ground, it seems much bigger and more imposing than from where I was in the tree. Can't think about that now! I try to puff myself up while I stare it down. My legs are shaking. No doubt it can see me. We both tense up again, sizing each other up. I try growling but it dies in the back of my throat.
In this short time the snake manages to lunge at me and grab my back leg. I let out a cry of pain as my nerves scream at me. I flail my back legs, bucking like a donkey, but the snake holds fast. Finally I have a moment of clarity, and whirl around to bite it. I manage to grab onto the middle of the thing, and my mouth fills with the taste of blood. It's hot and I can taste the iron, and feel the snake writhe in my mouth. I am so revolted I almost let go, but I feel the pain around my leg intensify and grit my teeth. More blood flows into my mouth and I gag. Then I hear a snap, and the snake goes limp. I think I broke it's spine. Panicked, I bite down once more before dropping it's carcass. It falls with a sick thud. The taste in my mouth is overwhelming.
God. I just bit a living thing! I spit out as much as I can. I just killed that snake. I bit it and it bled and now it is dead. I killed it. With my teeth. It was in my mouth and I killed it. I recognize my panic but I can't stop it. I just killed that animal. I bit it and I can still taste it in my mouth and I could feel it and it was alive but now it's dead. Because of me. I did that. I vomit.
Focus! I can't die here!
I stumble back and my leg cries out in pain. It's not over yet. I can hear the snakes above me shifting, and the wet squelch of the blood seeping into the leaves. I let out another howl and then take off running towards the direction of Akira's howls.
I stumble almost immediately, my back leg hanging limply at my side. I can't put weight on it, but I can't stop, the snakes are still there, and who knows what else might have smelled me in this forest. I feel like my chest is going to explode. How am I going to get out of this?
Now what? I wonder. "If you can't handle a few snakes are you really going to be able to stand up to the snake sanin?" that damned voice in my head responds.
"Shut Up! I have shit to do and you aren't helping!" I shout, out loud. It feels good to be able to yell about it out loud. The voice doesn't respond. Someone else does. Akira. She rushes into the clearing and her head swivels, eyes growing huge.
"What happened?" She nearly shrieks.
"I don't know, There were snakes, so many snakes. I killed one. They were going to kill me. But I killed it. Their blood! It's all over me. I can't get the taste… its in my mouth. I can't get rid of it." I can hear the panic and if I were still Human I would be bawling. Get it together! I choke down a sob.
"I going to die? Please don't let me die!"
Her eyes sharpen and she looks at me. "You aren't going to die, I promise!" With that she tilts back her head and Howls, louder than I could ever manage. The howl sends me back into a panic. What if more snakes come? What if we have to fight? I can't stand the blood. It's in my mouth… it's in my mouth… It's in my mouth… it's in my mouth...It's in my mouth… it's in my mouth...It's in my mouth… it's in my mouth… I know I'm hyperventilating but I can't stop. Black pinpricks swim on the edge of my vision and I begin to wobble.
"Breathe Akamaru! It's fine!" Akira shouts, and I flinch.
It's not long before Kenta and a large human woman appear, Akira says something and the woman picks me up, before reaching into her pack. I can feel her bandaging me up, and then placing me inside her flack jacket, before jumping into the trees and taking off. Every time she lands it sends a jolt through my leg and I let out a whine. She tries saying something soothing but I can't focus on anything.