Chapter 23

"Sirius!" Remus called.

Sirius jumped, startled like a child caught doing something bad. He tried to compose himself but the flushing on his face betrayed his embarrassment from earlier experience.

Clearing his throat, Sirius said, "Moony! What are you doing here?"

"I was just looking for you", Remus answered.

"Yeah?"

Sirius quirked his brow. Remus appeared rather solemn.

"I wanted to talk about Severus", Remus said.

"Oh", Sirius's face seemed to be frozen in the quizzical look it was formed in.

Hearing the particular Slytherin's name after the moment in the nursery made him uncomfortable.

Remus gestured to an empty classroom which Sirius followed him in.

"So, what do you wanted to talk about?" Sirius asked, feigning nonchalance.

Remus sighed, seeming to brace himself.

"Sirius, if I ask you something, would you be honest with me?"

Sirius tried to stay casual, but the look on Remus' face made him hesitate. Remus saw that in his eyes and heaved a sigh again.

"Sirius, what is really wrong with Severus?" Remus asked.

Shit.

Sirius bit his lip. He sucked at this. Sirius has been so close with his friends that he rarely kept things from them. Remus of all people was the least person he would lie about anything. Well, at least not about things that really matters.

"He's been sick for nearly five months, Sirius. I don't know what is going on, but he should at least have someone taking care of him. Someone professional!"

Remus was bursting out pent up anger mixed with concerns and confusion. Sirius could only listen to his ranting, his face contorted in painful expression.

"Sirius, if you know something then tell me!" Remus prompted, "Let me help him."

Sirius held back sigh, trying not to look so frustrated.

"Moony, he's-"

"Don't tell me he's fine, because he isn't", Remus cut him off.

Sirius tutted.

He remembered the conversation he had with Severus about keeping his pregnancy as secret. Severus was so desperate about it. Sirius supposed he can't blame Severus. No one can tell what will happen if anyone finds out about male pregnancy.

Sirius promised to Severus he will make Remus to lay off. He was about to lie, but the look on Remus' face made him pause.

"Sirius!" Remus read the hesitation in his face and snapped. "Do you really care about Severus? Or are you just pretending this whole thing to make up appearance?"

"It's not like that!" Sirius protested, looking stung at the accusation.

"You know it isn't like that, Remus."

Remus said nothing.

Sirius brushed his hair back roughly, frustrated.

He looked straight into the green eyes, determined not to lie. He knew it wouldn't work.

"I need you to trust me, Remus. He's going through something that I cannot tell you. But he is not sick. Not in the way you think, at least. He will be fine, but I need you to stay silent. I can't tell you any further."

The two stared each other as the silence stretched in tension. Sirius waited till Remus to respond. He needed Remus to understand. He won't lie to Remus. He simply can't do that. But he won't betray Severus, either.

After a moment, Remus nodded.

Sirius let out a sigh in relief.

"Thanks, mate. I knew you would understand."

…...…...…...…...…...…..

A few weeks have passed quietly. Severus admitted he was feeling better since he was having less pain. And he had Sirius Black thank for that. The Gryffindor boy has been tending his pain every night before bed. To his own astonishment, Severus enjoyed his touches. He was very tentative and gentle; not like how he remembered those strong and calloused hands were.

Severus had to admit things have changed. He didn't know whether it was him that changed or Sirius Black or both.

Severus entered Herbology class and took a seat, unpacking his schoolbag. He put parchments and quill on the desk and prepared for the class to begin. The Herbology professor entered soon after, telling them to turn the page.

After an hour of hearing about deadly toxic plant, the class was dismissed. Severus got out of the classroom and was heading towards the Great Hall where two Gryffindors would be waiting for him. But a familiar figure interrupted him.

"Regulus Black."

"Snape."

Severus rolled his eyes. He wasn't even surprised at seeing him now. The younger Slytherin boy approached, trying to close the distance between them. But Severus retreated, clearly showing his wariness of him. Regulus gave a snort.

"Why do you do that?"

Severus frowned, confused.

"Why do you always try to run?" he added.

Regulus' questions made Severus feel uncomfortable. It was rather ridiculous that he'd ask, when they both know what really is going to happen if Severus let him do as he intends.

"I'm not what you think I am", said Regulus.

Severus snorted.

"What do you want? I'm in no mood for conversation", he said.

Regulus chuckled, "you weren't in mood for conversation with my brother nor with Remus Lupin. Now, you do."

"That's different", Severus countered.

"In what way?" Regulus challenged.

Severus frowned, breathing heavily through his nose.

"They don't intend to harm me."

"Are you implying that I do?" The younger Slytherin boy quirked his eyebrow.

Severus closed his lips, staring steadily at the dark boy. Accusation palpable in his eyes, the small boy spoke.

"Yes."

A muscle under the pale blue eye twitched. Regulus turned his head side, chuckling. The pale blue eyes returned, unfathomable stare adorning them.

"In which way have I given you impression that I seek to hurt you?" He asked.

Severus fell silent. He thought it was obvious thing to answer but then, Severus couldn't recall an exact moment when the other Slytherin tried to hurt him. At least not in the physical form. But he wasn't about to admit that in front of Regulus.

"You want to take me back to him", Severus said.

To his surprise and annoyance, Regulus laughed.

Smirking, the younger Slytherin said, "but he no longer wants you."

"What?" Dumbfounded, Severus asked.

"The Dark Lord has given us a command to leave you alone. You are no longer wanted nor needed in our great cause." Regulus explained, amusement palpable in his blue eyes. He seemed to be enjoying the startled look on Severus' face.

Severus felt dumbstruck. He hadn't thought that was possible. Up until now, he had firmly believed that there would be a retribution for his betrayal. Even though Severus has never taken the mark, he was in their circle. Perhaps he was wrong about that. Perhaps the Dark Lord considered him not worthy of such minute interests that he doesn't even bother to punish.

He couldn't decide whether he should be happy to be free of him or be humiliated at the fact that he was absolutely alone in this entire world.

Regulus caught his dilemma, chuckling in amusement.

"Why? Are you disappointed?"

Severus bit his lip, fists balling. The dark eyes glowered at the taller boy as if to strike. However, Severus swallowed his anger and regain his posture.

"What do you want?"

The smirk was replaced by a gentle smile at that. Though for a split second, there was a cold look in the pale blue eyes before the change. Severus frowned, unsure of what he has seen.

"I'd like us to be friends", said Regulus in a casual tone.

The crease deepened at those words. Surely, he would have noticed the incredulity in Severus' expression, but the other Slytherin boy was unfazed.

"I know that I have been treating you in unpleasant ways, in the past. You'll be surprised to know that I have come to realize my shortcomings and regretted them. Now, I would like to make amends for what I did to you."

Severus' mouth fell open. Strangely, a Debub overlapped the younger Black in which another Black gazed into his eyes with genuine remorse.

In his heart, Severus knew this display of sincerity cannot be trusted. But somehow, Severus couldn't retort.

The image of Sirius Black lingered on his mind when Regulus reached out for his hand. Severus made no move to retreat his hand when Regulus took it.

"We are friends, now." Regulus smiled, confidently.

Before Severus could snap out of himself and yell, the other Slytherin boy left, leaving him dumbfounded and confused. Severus stared at his hand which was captured only a moment ago by the warm and strong hand that reminded him of someone else.

Why the fuck the two had to look alike?

A silly question emerged in his head, but Severus shook it off. He had supper to dine, and the pregnant people have to eat a lot.

There was another person who was dumbfounded and confused in that corridor. Lily Evans came out from hiding and watched her former friend leaves. Her pretty face contorted in confusion; Lily felt her mind going haywire.

What was it all about? What did the younger Black mean by 'the Dark Lord no longer want Severus'? Was Severus Snape thrown out of their circle? Or did he leave them?

A series of questions that cannot be answered circled around her head, dazzling the redhead. She couldn't understand the entire conversation.

If he left the circle, then why would Regulus Black wanting to befriend Severus? And why would Severus let him?

Didn't they hate each other?

But none of that mattered.

What Lily really wanted to know was Severus. She wanted to know if he actually left the dark path. Lily thought it wasn't possible. She had given up, tired of chasing down Severus and trying to pull him to where she is. But what she just saw, and heard, told her that she might have been wrong all along.

If he left the dark path… if he chosen, the light… Could they be...?

A small hope sprouted in her mind, growing larger every second. She wanted to nip it in the bud, so that she won't get hurt when it was in vain. But her fear doesn't make what she heard into nothing.

Lily pressed her chest with her palm to calm the pounding heart. It was beating madly with the hope and excitement that were denied for a very long time.

…...…...…...…...

That night in the nursery, Severus found Mimny and Sirius doing something. They were talking about something while pointing at the crib Severus transfigured. There was a pile of cloth laid on Severus' bed.

"Have I miss something?" Severus asked.

The Gryffindor boy and the house-elf turned.

"Oh, Master Snape! Would Master like to have some treacle tart? It must've been a long day, standing on master's feet all day."

Mimny's electrical blue eyes almost popped at the sight of Severus. She excitedly ran towards Severus and welcomed him. When Severus nodded his head the elf enthusiastically smiled and popped out of sight.

"What was she doing here with you?" Severus looked up from the spot where the house-elf was seconds ago and met the Gryffindor boy.

Sirius grinned, "you know, for someone who never owned a house-elf, you really has her between your fingers."

Severus quirked an eyebrow but said nothing.

Sirius indicated the stack of cloth with his jaw as he reached for Severus' bag.

"We were talking about the delivery", said Sirius.

Severus winced at the d word. His heart just skipped a beat. He knew he had to go through it once, but Severus was so scared of the idea and has been avoiding the thought. Now that Sirius mentioned it, January was almost over which means Severus was about to enter third trimester. In about twelve more weeks, he will be having this baby in his arms.

The thought was scary.

He cannot deny that.

Severus swallowed nervously, his hand stroking the swollen belly. He could hear his own heart pounding suddenly. All the pain and the risks he was about to take weighed him down. He was adamant that this pregnancy should be kept secret, but he was now having doubts on his decisions. Perhaps he should have let someone know about him…. Someone who could help….

Severus winced a little when Sirius put his hand on his cheek, comfortingly. Warmth spread from the calloused but strong hand.

"You alright?" Sirius asked.

Severus did not answer. He was staring at the clear grey eyes which gave away concerns and something he was not familiar with. But it made him feel relaxed, calming down the nerves.

Severus nodded, quietly.

Sirius did not let go of him, instead, he drew Severus near to him and placed another hand upon his belly.

"You and the baby will be fine. I will make sure of that."

Sirius spoke in a soft yet stern voice which was so convincing that Severus felt like he could believe that.

"I will never let anything happen to you and the baby. I promise." Sirius said, as if to convince himself as well.

Severus gave a nod, almost without conscious thought. He believed it. He believed that Sirius Black was sincere in his words. More than that, Severus believed Sirius would do anything to help him.

That shocked Severus.

He was trusting himself and his baby to this boy who tormented him all his school years. That thought was so ironic and stupid as much as it was reckless. He shouldn't be trusting this boy. Sirius Black was the culprit of all this mess. Black thrust Severus in this chaos and he let the boy to take care of him. It was so ridiculous and absurd.

But he did.

Severus trusts him. He hadn't realized such faith was inside him.

Since when did he trust the boy? Where did that trust came from?

Questions which he has no answer to circled around his head. But Severus let go of the thoughts when the taller boy led him to the bed.

"Mimny and I were talking about how we should prepare for the day. She knows a lot about delivering a baby. So, we were discussing about the procedure." Sirius explained.

Severus listened quietly.

"Can I ask you something?", he asked.

Severus nodded.

"You said you didn't want anyone else to get involved," Sirius said.

"Yes?" Severus quirked his brow.

"So-... I thought I should be the one to deliver the child myself", he said with a determination in his voice.

Severus' eyes widened at the announcement. But when the thought completely registered in his head, Severus had to agree that is the most reasonable option. He had to keep this secret and therefore no midwives no healers. Mimny was not fit for child labor in many ways. So, Severus nodded his agreement. Sirius gave a short nod at the approval.

"Thanks."

Severus' brow knitted slightly, in confusion. He didn't know what he was thanking for. The Gryffindor boy was looking at him with a serious look on his face. Severus then knew this was frightening to the boy as well. A sense of connection felt when he realized that.

How strange it is that he can relate to Sirius Black of all people. Severus wondered. But he was not appalled by this realization. Only a surprise.

A moment ago, another boy approached him and extended a hand to be his friend. Severus never hoped to have a friend, as he considered it was useless and stupid. He only needed Lily and nothing else. But he knew, deep down, he was lonely. Severus never had anyone for himself and being all alone in this cold and cruel place was gradually killing him. So of course, he wanted to have someone. Severus just thought it has to be Lily or naught. But when Lily was out of the equation, he didn't think there would be anyone to fill the position.

If this happened before he was pregnant, Severus would've been happy to accept Regulus Black as his friend. In fact, he would have felt like he owns the world. Regulus, the heir of house of Black, the Dark Lord's favor, would have been a treat he'd killed for.

However, things have changed.

He did not want Regulus Black anymore.

Instead, he's letting this boy, who hurt him in so many ways, to take care of him and his baby. Sirius has invaded Severus life in such horrific manners, and yet, Severus felt this is the one he can count on.

But he was not disgusted by it. He was… actually feeling glad to have him.

"What happened to your brother?" Severus asked before he could stop.

Sirius looked surprised, as if he could never have expected to hear that. Severus assumed Sirius and Regulus were not on good term even as children, considering how different they are. This got Severus curious as to why they are so different. Why one brother wants to follow his parent and why the other is not?

The Gryffindor boy asked in an uncertain voice, "what do you mean what happened?"

Severus paused to sort out words but came up with nothing. So, he asked bluntly. "Why you and your brother are so different from each other?"

"...Why do you want to know?" Sirius asked.

Severus stayed silent.

Sirius studied Severus' dark eyes for a moment before heaving a sigh.

"I don't really know", was the answer came from the Gryffindor.

An eyebrow rose at that.

"It's not like I've been mean to him in certain ways. I remember playing with him all the time when we were kids. He and I had rooms right next to each other and I used to bring Regulus to my bed, so we can sleep together at night. We were having a good time."

"Then what happened?"

"I don't know. We just… drifted apart", Sirius said.

Silence stretched as Severus waited for the Gryffindor boy to swim around his memory inside his head. It was a while later until the latter started to talk again.

"Regulus used to fly with me. My parent bought two Nimbus brooms for each of us and had a professional player to teach us how to play Quidditch. That move you saw last game was the one he taught me.

I was good and so was Regulus. I thought everything will be the same, I and Regulus, just the two of us as one. But I started to realize things about my family. About what they believe in." There, Sirius paused. He looked into Severus' dark eyes with a painful look on his face.

Severus could understand what he was talking about.

"There's a gathering among the pureblood families. It's like a sort of social gathering where you dress up fancy and stand pompously", Sirius snorted.

"And when I see these people, assembled up in this ridiculous party, and all I can see is the ugly truth about the wizarding society", said Sirius.

"People believe there are vermin among people. They think they are the most superior beings, closest thing to God", Sirius continued. "And the rest is the despicable, loathsome creatures. You see the irony, here, can't you?

And one night at the party, I saw a boy who was wearing this old tabby clothes. He was so skinny, so small, like he had been starving till that night. They told me he was a squib."

Severus frowned, quickly getting what the boy was doing at the party.

"They had him naked, in front of everybody. These people, noble people of the wizarding world, had a young boy who is barely out of nappy naked in front of everyone."

Sirius was no longer staring at Severus' eyes, instead, he was staring at the midair as if he were still seeing the boy before him. Severus noticed how white the Gryffindor boy's hands were with the intensity he was fisting them. Aversion was clear in those cold grey eyes.

"My mother told me to watch and never blink. A wizard approached that boy and he drew a wand from his sleeve."

Sirius paused again. His fists tightened intensely. Severus waited silently without taking his eyes off of Sirius' face.

Sirius turned slowly; his face contorted as if in pain.

"They cruciate the poor boy", said Sirius.

Severus' eyes widened slightly. He had somewhat expecting that, but the way Sirius delivered made him flinch. In truth, Severus knew that that sort of things are common entertainment for the purebloods. Lucius had invited him in a party once where he showed Severus a similar display with a Muggle old lady.

It was to show how much superior wizards are and how fucking vulnerable 'they' are.

'See, Severus, how fragile they are.', 'They cannot even fight back a simple charm.', 'Severus, Severus, look. Look how feeble these creatures are.', 'Weaklings.'

"and told me this is the reason why we stand above all the others", gritted Sirius.

Severus was surprised with the amount of venom in his voice. He could feel the pure loathing from this boy. Severus lost words. After all, he used to desire to be one of them. If it weren't for his child, he would gladly point his wand at the nameless victims at commands.

Severus froze when a hand rose and placed upon his cheek. Sirius stroke his face with his thumb gently.

"I stopped following my parent for the ball, after that. I stopped following my parent's words and stopped listening to their rubbish. I- wanted to get out of that house ever since I realized what they are", Sirius said.

"They are monsters and I was one of them. When I stopped being a monster, I realized there are gaps between my brother and I that cannot be filled." Sirius all but whispered the last words.

Severus was looking up at those grey eyes, filled with loathsome and sadness. Severus can tell where those sorrows are coming from. Sirius was lonely. Sirius was all alone in his house ever since then. He had no one, no one just like Severus.

A realization swept through him like a lightening.

How come he never saw this?

This boy was so close to him. He was like Severus: all alone and hurt and damaged. Only difference is that he got what he needed - friends. They made Sirius happy and filled the void in his heart when Severus lost his friend and lost all of him. But in essential, Severus and Sirius were the likes of people.

Sirius knew what it is like to be left alone in a place where only darkness and dangers lie.

"I'm sorry", Severus murmured without conscious thought.

"Why would you be?" Sirius whispered back.

They were face to face, close enough to touch. Severus could feel the warm breath ghosting over him. It sent shivers down his spine. When Severus thought Sirius was getting closer-

"Master Snape! Mimny brought treacle tarts!"

Mimny the house elf popped in.

The two boys jumped in surprise. They awkwardly fell apart from each other, faces turned red.

Taking the plateful of tarts, Severus cleared his throat.

"Ah-, yes, thank you"

"No need to thank, master. But Master Snape is so kind." Mimny happily smiled.

Severus peeped through the curtains of black hair to see the Gryffindor boy who was turning his back on him. Severus lifted the plate towards him.

"Do you want some?"

Sirius shook his head, waving off his hands.

"Er- no, no I'm fine. Listen, I have something to do, so-" Sirius stuttered.

Severus was a little confused but did not hold him back in a desperation to get rid of this awkward atmosphere.