As the Heavens Cried
The Day That I Die
AN: Working file name on my computer was "Panties", haha
Over the course of his life, Itachi had imagined his death several times. As a child it was from the monsters in his closet, and as he got older, death came from humans. Several times he experienced moments when death had seemed imminent, but in the end, he had survived and the elusive thought of his death continued.
Oddly, the idea of dying surrounded by female undergarments had never crossed his mind.
Slowly returning to the world in a haze of pain, Itachi found himself lying on the ground with a rather dainty pair of pink underwear located no more than a centimeter from his nose. Without any real conscious thought, he decided that whoever the clothing and room belonged to, they had a nice laundry detergent.
Slowly rolling onto his back, he tried to recall the events that would have landed him in his current situation. He remembered returning from a mission and submitting his report to the Godaime Hokage and had intended to return home to rest for the remainder of the night, but had been waylaid by Shisui in the streets. As the events of the evening finally came back to him, Itachi wearily closed his eyes.
I'm going to kill Shisui, he decided, sighing.
His cousin had been rather adamant about the drinking away the memory of their mission and Itachi had found himself unwillingly dragged along. The next few hours were nothing more than hazy moments as, in a rare moment of unrestraint, Itachi went drink-to-drink with Shisui.
At some point during the night, they had been joined by friends of Shisui. While catching up, the group had spotted a several kunoichi drinking together across the bar and their conversation had turned towards female undergarments, for some reason.
"It's how women think. Being a kunoichi requires displaying strength, so they counter it by wearing the sexiest underwear they can find," Shinsui pointed out with a grin.
"It's too impractical," someone countered and Itachi sighed as Shisui stared at the man with a gleam in his eye. This would not bode well.
"Then let's make a bet. We'll see who has the best underwear, civilian or kunoichi."
"And how do you figure we do that? Go up and ask?"
"I recommend against it, boys," Jiraiya drawled from a few bar stools away from the group. "I would try stealing them instead. Works out better in the end – for the men at least."
"Good call," Shisui said with a nod. "We'll steal a pair each and compare."
"How will we choose whose to take?"
"Draw lots," Jiraiya commented again, coming over to join them. Itachi figured the Sanin simply couldn't resist the conversation. "Choose an equal number of civilians and kuniochi, and put them in a pot. Each person then takes a name. I wouldn't mind joining in myself."
Itachi had missed the part where names were selected, only being pulled back into the group when it was time to draw lots. Shisui drew second and Itachi saw his cousin use his Sharingan for a split second, too fast for the others to see, before pulling out a name. He didn't comment on who he drew, but Itachi noted he seemed rather excited.
"Alright, see you in the morning gentleman," Shisui said once all names were drawn. Two others – one being Jiraiya – seemed rather pale, but the others seemed rather happy with their selection. Finishing his drink, Itachi followed Shisui out of the bar, happy to be returning home. Or he thought that was the plan until Shisui directed him in the other direction.
"What now?" Itachi sighed.
"Live a little, Itachi," Shisui retorted as they walked down the streets towards the residential area of Konoha. "Besides, you can be my spotter."
"Why should I care if you get caught breaking into someone's house to steal a pair of underwear?" Itachi asked, even as he continued to follow Shisui. In the end he would just be dragged along and he had learned it was better to just follow him anyways.
"But not just anyone's underwear."
"I swear if it's the Godaime Hokage, you are on your own."
"No, Jiraiya-sama got that slip."
With a brief thought of pity for the Sanin who would most likely end up hospitalized, Itachi glanced around as Shisui came to a stop. The street was familiar and when he glanced up at the building Shisui was scouting he scowled in recognition.
"No," he ordered, turning to glare at Shisui who gazed back at him with a falsely innocent look.
"Hey, I just picked a random name," Shisui protested with a shrug. "But to hold up my end, I need a piece of Haruno-san's underwear. The bigger decision is who is going to go get it – you or me."
It was a testament to just how exhausted he was, combined with an excessive amount of alcohol, that he did not think to simply force Shisui home and ignore the stupid bet altogether. Instead, Itachi had somehow found himself scaling the wall to Sakura's apartment as Shisui stood guard below.
Picking the lock and breaking the chakra seal Sakura had on her window, Itachi slowly eased his way into her bedroom. It was dark, the bed empty, and a quick scan with his Sharingan proved that Sakura was not in her apartment.
Spotting her dresser, Itachi was making his way off the bed when his foot suddenly got caught in a basket of clothing that had been haphazardly shoved part way under the bed. Drunk, exhausted, and off balance he hadn't been able to catch himself as he crashed to the ground, apparently hard enough for him to lose consciousness temporarily, thus leaving him in his current predicament.
Drunk, exhausted, and surrounded by underwear belonging to the strongest kunoichi in their Village.
Tensing when he heard something down the hall, Itachi slowly pushed himself to his knees, trying not to stare at the pile of undergarments he had scattered around him. He felt the brief flare of Shisui's chakra before it disappeared and he was working on rising when the room was suddenly lit up.
Dread in his stomach, Itachi slowly looked up to meet the startled green eyes of Sakura.
"Uchi… what are you holding?" she whispered as her face turned a rather bright shade of red, her gaze on his hand. Blinking as his vision seemed to swim in and out of focus, Itachi made smallest movement possible to stare at his hand, which was half risen in greeting. There, he found a pair of her underwear – silk, he dully registered.
"Oh," was all he managed before passing out again.
- - sSs - -
For a few moments, Sakura stood frozen as she stared down at the Uchiha in her bedroom. She could feel the blush on her face before a sound – a cross between a suppressed scream and embarrassment – started to leak from her throat before she bit it back. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath as her inner self let loose on a torrent of expletives that would have made Genma blush until she felt collected enough to deal with…whatever the hell was going on.
Taking a final, deep breath, green eyes opened to stare down at Uchiha Itachi. The embarrassment finally gave away to realize he was still unconscious.
"Uchiha-san?" she asked, kneeling next to him. Bringing forth her chakra, she did a quick scan before realizing he wasn't doing anything more than exhausted, drunk, and dangerously depleted of chakra. Groaning, she withdrew her chakra and sat back on her heels before noting the piece of fabric he had continued to hold, even passed out.
"Oh, gods," she whined, frantically grabbing her pair of underwear before rising to collect the rest of it.
At least it was clean, her inner personality noted gleefully. Sakura agreed as she grabbed the last pair and hastily shoved them into her drawer, cursing herself for not putting them away yesterday after doing laundry.
After confirming she had grabbed every unmentionable, she finally turned back to Itachi and wondered, again, what exactly she was going to do with him.
- - sSs - -
When he next regained consciousness, he was on a slightly more comfortable surface. He could hear noises, the clinking of dishes and plates, and the occasional hum of a female voice. Closing his eyes, he took in the calming sounds and the smell of lavender before he heard her approach.
"Awake?"
Opening his eyes, he found Sakura standing at the foot of her couch. Her arms were crossed over her chest as she scowled down at him, cheeks flushed.
Slowly, Itachi sat up on the couch without responding. She must have healed him while he was out, as the minor wounds from his mission had been treated. He was still sluggish from the low chakra and alcohol, and he glanced over at her from the corner of his eyes.
"You're going to have a major hangover tomorrow," she told him, crossing her arms. "I could treat it, if you share why you decided to break into my place, Uchiha-san."
For a second Itachi debated the wisdom of telling her the truth. Her temper was as volatile as her mentors, but when Shisui's grinning face crossed his mind he decided his cousin deserved whatever punishment the kunoichi would likely devise.
As he shared the events of the night with her, Sakura's face darkened – though he couldn't tell if it was anger or embarrassment.
"I see," she murmured, before rising. Itachi watched as she grabbed a scroll and made a quick note before creating the seals for a summoning. A small slug the size of her palm appeared and took the scroll before disappearing in a flash as Sakura turned back to him.
"Well, that'll take care of Jiraya," she said, eyes gleaming with mischief. "Do you know the names of the others selected?"
Itachi didn't, having not paid attention, but he made a few logical guesses. Sakura hummed before looking as there was a knock on her door.
"Took him long enough," she muttered, crossing over to open the door and revealing Sasuke. "What gives?"
"I was sleeping, give me a break," Sasuke muttered, before turning to Itachi. He was not amused by the smirk on his younger brother's face, and Itachi wearily stood.
"I did not need an escort."
"You passed out in my bedroom. You damn well need something," Sakura snapped, eyes a blaze as she glared at him. Itachi returned her gaze before he looked away first, not seeing the other two occupants stare at him in surprise – both for backing down first and the blush that rose to his cheeks.
"Sasuke!"
"Yeah, we're going," Sasuke sighed, stepping back into the hallway. Itachi headed after him, briefly pausing next to Sakura.
"I am sorry, Haruno-san, for … everything."
Green eyes softened for a brief second before Sakura grunted, closing the door after the two of them, leaving the two Uchiha alone in the hall.
Itachi stared at his younger brother before narrowing his eyes at Sasuke.
"You will not inform Mother of tonight."
Sasuke only shrugged, figuring he wouldn't need to lift a finger to torment his brother; Sakura would get her revenge in her own time.
- - sSs - -
The next morning, Shisui nervously waited at the appointed meeting ground. Currently the only two people missing were Itachi and Jiraya, the others having already arrived and showing off their prizes. He was a bit nervous about having left Itachi at Sakura's place the night before when she had shown up, considering how drunk Itachi had been. But he also couldn't pass up teasing his baby cousin, especially when it came to the kunoichi.
"Help…me…"
Turning, the Uchiha couldn't help the short burst of laughter that escaped as Jiraya made his appearance. The Sanin sported several cuts and bumps and a nasty black eye. He was practically crawling on the ground before he finally reached the group.
"She threatened to kill me if I went to the hospital," the older male stated as Shisui took pity and helped him up.
"Did you manage to get the prize?" one of the braver men asked, face pale at what their Hokage had managed to do to one of their strongest ninjas.
"It's glorious," Jiraya sighed, before holding something up. Instantly the others converged and took the offered garment, only for a deadly silence to fall on the group. Confused – Tsunade's underwear was breathtaking, but not in this way – Jiraya cracked his eye open in time to see the garment being held up in horror. "Hey, wait…that's mine."
Yelling in horror, the unfortunate jonin flung the white garment at him, smacking Jiraya in the face.
"I was wondering why it felt breezy this morning," Jiraya muttered, shoving the clothing into his pocket.
There was a moment of silence before the sound of approaching footsteps reached their ears. Turning, Shisui watched as Sakura approached then before wincing as he noticed she had managed to collect several other kunoichi - including Kurenai-san, the third kunoichi from the pool - and none of them appeared happy.
"Hand them over," she ordered, once she stopped in front of the group. In an instant she had a pile of underwear in her palm that she quickly tucked away. "Ok, now … Run."
AN: There is a fair chance this is one of the oldest Itachi/Sakura stories I have on my computer. My created date is from 2011! Always struggled on what to do after Sakura found Itachi, so the poor Uchiha has been passed out in her bedroom for some time. I'm hoping what I finally managed to piece together was cute/funny. I was going for a more... human Itachi, in giving him a few faults this time.
If you were not aware, I'm also updating As the Heavens Cried. I actually managed to post 3 chapters this month (woo!), if you want to check it out for updates. Love the ItaSaku community and glad to be back :)
Hey - also, I've decided that Shusui is also a fluffy marshmallow like Itachi. Any one have a good fic recommendation that has him as a main character that's in the romance arena? Looking for a non-Sakura pairing (it's my brain, guys - Saku is fully committed to Itachi) but nothing that screams Mary-Sue for a female character. Thanks!
Song Title & Artist - The Day That I Die, Good Charlotte