Chapter 21 - Kaffe

Harm wouldn't normally venture into Georgetown but his barber had changed locations which prompted him to head into that part of town. It was a pleasant morning to walk past the quaint storefronts and make a stop at the small coffee shop Mac was always raving about.

Of course he would bump into her especially when he was trying not to. It was just one of those things. As much as he tried to shrink his frame into his seat, eventually she would notice him.

He was seated at a small table in a corner leafing through pages of a sports magazine when she walked in. The air changed around him becoming magnetically charged and heavy . It gave Harm the sudden urge to bolt before she noticed him but, a small line had formed blocking his escape route. Instead he sat still using his hand to partially cover his face.

The freckled faced boy behind the register lit up when she appeared and was clearly enamored by the way he stared. "Hey there pretty Colonel, the Heyal?"

Oh please. Harm rolled his eyes and watched with interest as the young barista made a show of preparing whatever mapp frappa lappa concoction Mac had ordered. He was babbling about something or other and making her laugh which made a stab of jealousy flash through him.

She seemed a little happier and her appearance had changed. The hair which had been shoulder length when he left to California three weeks prior was now shorter cut to a bob with auburn highlights. Her hairhwas held back with sunglasssunand some of the strands came lose falling to the aides of her face. Mac wore jeans, the loose fitting kind that were well worn but still hugged certain curves with a white t-shirt covered by a light leather jacket. Damnit, she was so beautiful.

Mac too had felt that electric charge upon entering and it only grew the longer she waited for her order. It made her search the shop for him and once her eyes met Harm's her heart began to hammer out a rough staccato.

Harm nearly cchokedhis coffee, the liquif was now sliding roughly down the back of his throat almost lainfully. He figured she would have turned on her heel and stalked off but, instead she flashed him a soft smile and walked in his dirrction. He could only raise his hands up in defense and babble. "I swear, I'm not following you...I didn't know you'd be here...My barber switched and…"

"Harm. It's okay." She waved off his explanation. "It's a good coffee shop. Syd is a great barista."

"Syd is also enamored with you." He pointed out.

"Jealous?"

More than she could ever imagine. Harm nervously pointed at the seat across from him. "Would you uh...like to join me? You don't have to. I said I'd give you space."

As Mac glanced at the empty seat the war within her began. She wanted so much to spend time with him and repair what had been broken but, there was so much uncertainty. His letters kept her grounded somewhat and she would read them over and over every night until she fell asleep. It was the action behind those words which made her falter.

"You know? It's okay, Mac. I'll see you on Monday."

Beneath the magazine he'd been reading she spotted the same cream colored paper he'd used to write her along with a black fountain pen. There were some words scribbled on the page but what caught Mac's eye was his endearment.

My dearest Mac,

Her heart squeezed and released, thumped so hard she was sure he would hear it. Mac took a breath and then let it out slowly. "I have a little time." She found herself saying and at once Harm was out of his seat, pulling the other chair out for her. "Thank you."

"Anytime...Mama raised a gentleman you know."

They sat in silence for a short time, each trying to find the words to say. Mac took a sip of her coffee and deftly chewed on her chocolate croissant knowing he was watching her intently. When her eyes met his, she found that expression of adoration and a soft smile that made her weak.

"I wanted to call you but…"

"I wouldn't have answered…" She admitted.

"How are you?"

"Good...Better, I think...I'm finally seeing someone...Admiral's orders." Mac rolled her eyes as if the admission was more than she intended on him knowing. One other glance his way and she found relief in his eyes.

"That's a good thing, isn't it?"

Was it? She wasn't sure. Some parts of therapy had been useful tools. Other parts she'd much rather forget. "How was California?"

Harm shrugged. "Boring as hell... But at least I spent time with mom and Frank...she says hello by the way."

"She asked about me?"

"She always does...says you're quite the girl."

"We met what? Twice? She doesn't know anything about me."

Harm grinned. His mother likely knew more than he was willing to admit. At the inception of their partnership she was all Harm would ever talk about. "You made an impression on her...Frank too. How are things at JAG?"

"Fine except for Sturgis...he's infuriating at best."

"Preacher's son...some of that holier than thou rubbed off on him. He's a good guy but sometimes you just wanna strangle him." Sturgis was still a good friend, one of his oldest who, along with Keeter, helped him get back on track at the Academy. "He was the guy who would bail us out."

"He told me a few stories. Said you saved his life...Honestly, it's a miracle any of you troublemakers graduated." She grinned and placed a hand on his forearm thankful that Harm didn't pull away.

"Hah. I wasn't that bad, you know. But the Academy is stressful and we needed to let off some steam." He eyed her through the brim of the cup noting the dark shadows under her eyes were gone. Mac looked rested, something that was absent when he'd left for California and he couldn't help but wonder how much of her exhaustion had been caused by him. "You look...Good. Better."

She sighed. "Therapy. I don't know. Sometimes it feels great afterwards, cleansing and cathartic. Other rimes I feel run down from so much shame that I can't stand it."

"Shame? Why?" All he could think about was that night, in the back of his car. He hadn't forced her into it but that kiss instigated her into motion that neither of them could stop. "Is it because of us?"

She shook her head. "No...It's everything. My life. The only thing good in it is my career...everything else. I've made a mess."

"Mac you can't help the cards you're dealt. You went through a lot as a kid, that had to leave a mark."

"No but I can choose to stop playing those cards...I've made some terrible mistakes."

"We all do, it's part of being human." She hadn't taken her hand off of his forearm so he placed his hand over hers and squeezed reassuringly. He felt that touch to the depths of his soul and when his eyes found hers again they shared one of their infamous silent conversations. For a moment, just a breath, everything was right again.

What Harm wanted most was to pull her to him, into his arms and kiss her senseless until they each ran out of breath. "What are you up to today? Wanna do that touristy thing? The smithsonian has a new Dinosaur exhibit, I hear." His heart sank into the pit of his stomach when Mac looked at her watch.

Harm knew very well she could tell time without looking, it had been one of those uncanny things of hers that made Mac so exquisitely unique. It also meant she was looking for an out. Once she removed her hand from under his, he was sure. She was running again. "Never mind it was stupid of me to ask...I ah...yeah, nevermind."

"I'm busy...really busy with work. Sturgis is defending and I really want to crush him." That flash of sadness in his eyes was terribly heartbreaking but it had been the truth. It was one of those high profile cases which requires all of her concentration. "But ask me again next weekend, my answer may change."

"Really?" He looked at her with hope and that flyboy smile spread across his lips to full wattage. He stood when she did and helped Mac slip her jacket back on.

"Yeah, really." His hands were still lingering on her jacket, fingers sliding down the length of the lapels to straighten the collar. His fingers deliberatley touched the nape of her neck and that warm feeling spread through Mac. God, she wanted more of his touch and his arms wrapped around her. The night Mic left she'd truly known what it was like to he in Harm's arms and she found herself needing more of that.

Grinning, she reached down to the table sliding the magazine off the letter that she then tapped with her index finger. "Writing a letter to someone?"

"To a girl. Not sure she knows but I'm crazy about her."

"She knows." She smiled and then leaned in pressing a kiss on his cheek just a fraction away from his lips. "Bye." It was hard to leave him and not spend more time hatching out where things went wrong. But, duty was in the way. She'd taken just a few steps towards the door when something made her turn back to him. "Harm? I missed you too."

"Colonel? You received some flowers." Harriet looked up at Mac hesitantly. The last time the Marine received flowers was quite disastrous and she searched the woman for any signs of hostility. In her arms was a large arrangement inside a heavy square vase with various groupings of wild flowers.

"Did I? Oh my." Reds, yellows, pinks, purples, vibrant colors with leaves of green. Mac wasn't an expert but enough camping trips with Uncle Matt made her realize they were all desert flowers. She grinned and let Harriet into the office helping her with the burden.

Absentmindedly the lieutenant fluffed the blooms and fixed some of the arrangement which had shifted during delivery. "No card? Do you know who could have sent them?"

Oh, she knew exactly who the sender was and expected there was also a letter waiting for her at home. As if on cue, Harm appeared at her door cooly leaning against the doorframe with a shit eating grin. "Good afternoon Colonel, Lieutnentat...what seems to be the ruckus?"

"Colonel MacKenzie has a secret admirer."

"Oh she does does she?" He pushed off the door frame and stepped into Mac's office, stopping to admire the arrangement. "That's nice...Well, Mac's a special lady, I'm not surprised."

Harriet didn't miss the look between the senior officers or Harm's flirtatious voice that made Mac blush. "I ah...is Bud calling me? I'll see you later." She hurried out of the office and closed the door as she left.

"So." Harm looked down as his fingers walked across the top of her desk stopping at the blue dino seated on a corner. He petted the plushie and slowly brought his eyes back to hers. "You like?"

"He's adorable. I'm sorry if I didn't thank you." Her breath caught when their eyes met and for the life of her Mac never felt anything quite like this with him. It was new and welcomed, this open attraction for her. She blushed furiously as his hand wrapped around hers and brought it up to his lips. "Harm…"

"I said I'd give you time and I will. I just need you to know that I'm still here and I still want you." He pressed a kiss to her palm and then let her hand drop. "I still love you."lAt those words, she stepped back from him. Clearly this was much more than she was ready for but, he wouldn't let that deter him.

Instead Harm changed tactics, taking a step back and grabbing the plushie from her desk to study the dinosaur. "Does he have a name?"

"Hammer." Mac sighed. The attention was truly welcomed but she still needed some space to sort the insecurities on the very edges of her mind. "I named him Hammer."

"Hmmm." He pretended the name didn't have an affect by managing to bite back a grin while his ego swelled more than he thought possible. "Hammer huh? I like like it." Carefully, he put the toy back on her desk and pet him once again. "Have a splendid day, Colonel."

"You too, Commander." She watched him walk away with something of a swagger and grinned. What Mac didn't know was that he'd also stashed a box of Oreos in her bottom drawer.

This time, she wouldn't throw anything away.