Chapter 22

A couple weeks had passed and I was back on my feet, as good as ever. Some would call me as annoying as ever but that never left as I reminded Tallblaze. Silkshade was also doing better. Her ribs were less prominent and she was making it around camp fine. Things were mostly back to normal.

Of course, with things mostly back to normal Boulderfang has been making more efforts to spend time with Songheart. I was beginning to resent the she-cat but honestly I had no idea or reason why. She made Boulderfang happy and I like it when Boulderfang's happy. I was certainly confused, but chose to ignore it.

Boulderfang had told me he plans to ask her to be his mate today. I had a few plans of my own and those involve spying on my mentor. It might have turned out bad last time, but this time would be different.

"You might be wondering why I gathered you here today," I began.

"Well, yeah. If you don't have a reason I'm leaving," Silentstorm said.

"Well, Boulderfang's planning on asking Songheart to be his mate, but if you don't want to spy on them with me you're more than welcome to leave," I told them.

"Who do you think I am, Shorty? A cat who respects my brother's personal life?" Tallblaze asked.

"Is that who Songheart has a crush on?" Silkshade asked.

A mix of anger, frustration, and longing spread through me. "Yes," I answered.

"I better be there to menacingly threaten him to be good to my sister," Silentstorm said.

"You do everything menacingly so that shouldn't be a problem," I said. "Especially threaten apprentices."

"This is getting really old, Deathpaw," Silentstorm said.

"Are we going to get to this or what?" Silkshade asked. "I want to see, er, hear this."

"Boulderfang's already told me all about this. I know where they'll be. Follow me, we don't have long," I said.

The feeling burned through my pelt and was hard to ignore. What was I supposed to do? Tell Boulderfang I hate the love of his life and have no reason why? It was like hate but different. Why couldn't I be an almost emotionless cat like Silentstorm!

We ducked in the underbrush. I knew from experience not to hide in a tree. Boulderfang looked nervous and awkward in an adorable way. Adorable? I was really confusing myself. These thoughts seemed to be popping in my head at random in the past couple weeks. What was wrong with me?

I still failed to see what he saw in her. She was overly nice and optimistic to the point of being oblivious. Not to mention threatening to tell secrets about me. Then again, I was doing the same.

"Songheart, there's been something I've been meaning to ask you," Boulderfang said.

"What is that?" she asked.

He took a deep breath. "Will you possibly be my mate?"

She gasped. "Yes. Yes, I will!" she answered.

I felt happy for Boulderfang, but part of it felt forced. Why can't I be happy for my best friend?

"This is great! And Tallblaze thought I'd never get a mate too," Boulderfang said.

"Utterly shocked, honestly," Tallblaze said, stepping out. The two seemed quite embarrassed.

"Have you been watching this whole time? How'd you find out?" Boulderfang asked.

"You hurt her and the clan will find your dead body," Silentstorm warned. Boulderfang only responded to this with a quick nod.

"So that's who you had a crush on, Songheart? Could've just told me when I asked," Silkshade said, joining Tallblaze and Silentstorm where they were standing.

"Hey, Boulderfang. Didn't expect to see you here," I said, walking out. "How's everything going?"

"Of course, it's you," Boulderfang sighed. "You arranged this, didn't you?"

"You have no trust in me," I said. "Guess I haven't earned it though. Yeah, it was me, but they were all ears."

"You told them about my crush without my permission?" Boulderfang asked.

"Only Silkshade, actually," I answered. "Silentstorm was about to kill me, but I kept your secret."

"Luckily, I showed up and told Silentstorm all about it because you can't hide feelings," Tallblaze said.

"Both of you, shut your muzzle," Silentstorm said.

"Okay, you watched. Now please leave," Boulderfang said. "We shouldn't be far behind."

"Okay," I said.

"See you lovebirds around," Tallblaze said.

"I need less annoying friends," Boulderfang sighed.

We headed back and I continued trying to push down these foreign feelings.

I needed to talk to someone. These feelings were eating me away inside. I don't want to tell Boulderfang about it. I couldn't tell Boulderfang about it. Who in StarClan could I talk to?

I realized Tallblaze would be my next option. Hopefully, he could actually help me. Luckily for me, he was alone.

"Tallblaze, I need to talk to you," I said.

"About what?" he asked.

"Not here. Can we go for a walk? Now?"

"Now works for me. Let's go."

We left camp. We walked in silence for a little while. He broke the silence.

"What's up, Shorty?" he asked.

"I'm having these feelings and I don't understand them and I need help," I said. "I hate Songheart and I feel frustrated for some reason but also like I want something she has."

"Sounds like jealousy. What might it be that you want?"

"I don't know!"

"Tell me how you feel about Boulderfang," he requested.

"That's another thing that I'm confuse about. Every time I think about him my stomach seems to flip and my mind goes numb and I feel nervous for no reason. What's wrong with me?"

He shook his head. "Oh StarClan, you're dense. What's a good way to put this? I think you have a crush on Boulderfang."

"What? I can't! There is no possible way. He has a mate! You must be mistaken!"

"Expect it is possible. This might present a problem."

"I can't. What am I supposed to do? Why can't this feeling just go away?"

He sighed. "We both know it doesn't work like that. You just have to wait it out. There's nothing you can do. Crushes normally go away over time."

"Normally? What about rarely?"

"I mean, you can't force these things away. If you've truly fallen deep I love it won't go away unless you find another one and good luck with that in our clan with a lack of toms around your age."

"Why can't I be like Silentstorm and not get crushes?"

"Because you feel emotions like a normal cat. It'll be okay. Hopefully this is just some crush that goes away in a moon or two. If you ever need to talk, I'm right here."

"You won't tell anyone, will you?" I asked, thinking to when he had just told Silentstorm about Boulderfang's crush.

"I was saving your tail then. I'll keep your secret. Also, this would be a lot worse if it got out. It could ruin your relationships with some cats including Boulderfang and maybe even Silkshade due to her closeness with Songheart."

"Please stop right there and think about what you're saying before I start freaking out."

"It's getting late. We should probably head back," he finally said.

"Probably should," I agreed.

We headed back to camp. "Hang in there, Shorty," he said as we parted ways.

I went inside the apprentices den and settled into my nest. I had a crush on a cat who had a mate. So much has happened over the past few moons and this trivial mouse-dung definitely felt like one of the worse things that happened. Looks like I've got a long few moons ahead of me. But this can't last forever. I fell asleep peacefully. Tomorrow was a new day and hopefully a better one.

Author Note: Man, crushes suck. Well, good news to anyone who shipped BoulderxSong! Bad news to anyone who shipped BoulderxDeath and to Deathpaw, the poor girl. That's it to book 3 though. In good news to everyone (who actually wants me to write more, that is) I only need to write 3 more chapters in the next book and I'm planning on finish tonight! I was actually up past 4 last night writing, deadlines are the best motivation. I should be back with the next book next week! Keep an eye out for it! And please leave a review! I hope to see you all next week!

-Everly Wisteria