The room was quiet, too quiet. She sat there clutching her son against her chest, probably harder than she needed to as she watched the rain that was pouring down outside.

It was impossible to pinpoint what she was feeling...numb, sore? She was definitely sore, her whole body screaming in pain as the medications wore off. The recovery process had been hard. Combine that with the depression and it had been downright grueling. Everyone had been a godsend, coming in to help her with the baby or to just sit down and stay with her, the support was overwhelming.

But even with all the support, her mind still wandered. Mainly to Derek but also the attack. The attack that could have very well ended her life, the attack that could have left Brady without either one of his parents. Her eyes watered at this thought as she tried so hard not to cry. She was tired of crying. She was supposed to be the strong one, strong for her son but she felt like she was crumbling.

A knock at the door drew her out of her thoughts, quickly she wiped at her face as the door opened.

"Hey, Callie." She whispered softly, sniffling.

"Hey, I just came to check on you. Figured you could use some company." Callie said with a gentle smile.

"Thanks." Meredith said softly.

"And I take it by the way you look right now, I was right, wasn't I?" Callie softly smiled.

Meredith laughed a little before responding. "Yeah, I just...I don't know. One minute I think I'm fine and then the next minute I'm a complete mess."

"You've had a lot happen, Grey. No one expects you to be alright."

"But I have to be, for him. I'm all he's got now and he has a mess for a mother. I feel like I'm failing him, Callie."

"I felt the same way, after Sofia was born. I felt like I failed her. I was supposed to protect her while she was inside of me and I couldn't even do that. That feeling really never goes away but I've learned not to blame myself."

"I just hate that this is his start in life. His dad died, his mom nearly died and now is an absolute mess."

Callie sighed softly. "Tell you what," she whispered, starting to stand up. "Why don't you let me take him tonight, give you a break. Give you some time to process this all, grieve. Whatever you need."

"Callie, I..." Meredith started to protest but Callie cut her off.

"Look, I know you don't like being away from him but you need time...for yourself."

Meredith was hesitant. It's not that she didn't trust Callie but she just didn't know if she could handle the separation. She looked down towards Brady, conflicted.

"Alright," she finally agreed. "You can take him tonight."

Callie smiled softly. "I'll come back after my shift ends. I'm sure Sofia will be excited to have him with us tonight, she's been asking for a sibling."

Meredith laughed a little. "Are you planning on giving her one?"

"Arizona and I talked about it," Callie paused. "Probably not anytime soon, we kind of want to focus on Sofia for a little while before we have another one. Well, I gotta get going but I'll be back around 7:00." She smiled softly and waved as she left.

Meredith gave her a tight smile as she left the room. She closed her eyes, focusing on the breathing of the baby on her chest along with her own. This was going to be a long night and she knew it. Too much time on her hands without her son, she had no idea what she was gonna do.

The day went by quickly and all too fast 7:00pm came around. She already had the diaper bag packed and was enjoying the feeling of her little boy in her arms before she wouldn't see him until morning. Her anxiety was already setting in and her son was still with her.

She couldn't help but cringe when she saw the door open, already knowing who it was.

"Hey, Mer." Callie greeted, a small smile on her face. Meredith returned the smile, looking down at her son. Sofia ran out from behind Callie, stopping short of the bed.

"Hi, Sofia." Meredith greeted with a smile.

"Hi, Mer! I'm gonna help mommies tonight." Sofia said with a bright smile.

"Really? You're going to be a big helper with Brady."

"I promise you will get him back in the morning." Callie reassured Meredith, noticing the anxiety written across Meredith's face.

"I know, I'm just not used to this." Meredith smiled nervously. She looked back down at Brady, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "I love you." She softly whispered, then she looked up signaling to Callie. She watched as Callie took Brady from her, getting him settled in his carseat.

"Sofia, are you excited to have Brady tonight?" Meredith asked her, trying to occupy herself.

"Yeah! I want a brother or sister!" Sofia said excitedly.

"Maybe in the future." Callie chimed in, throwing Meredith a smile.

"Well, you guys have fun." Meredith smiled.

"We will." Callie smiled as she picked the carseat up. She went over to Meredith, wrapping an arm around her. "This will be good for you. Get some sleep, cry, do whatever you need to do, okay? We'll be fine." Callie reassured her.

"I know you will." She watched as they left the room, the anxiety setting in as soon as the door closed. Now, she had way too much time. Hour after hour felt like a lifetime. She watched the clock, unable to sleep.

9pm

11pm

1am

She watched the hours tick by, her anxiety building as each hour passed. She looked around the hospital room, realizing she was truly alone. she wasn't allowed out of bed, tv was boring and she was alone with her thoughts...she felt the tears coming on, faster than she would have liked and pretty soon she was once again a mess.

Her breathing frantic, she started to hyperventilate. In her frantic state she grabbed a book off the table in front of her, throwing it as hard as she possibly could, watching as it hit the wall, falling to the floor. She was frustrated, she was beyond shattered. Her breathing slowed as she leaned back against her pillow.

"I can't do this," she whispered. "I need you Derek, I need you so bad. I miss you so much. I'm failing at everything and I can't do this without you." She whispered.

"Oh, my God," she whispered. She was sick of this; the crying, the complete helpless feeling that overtook her. It was overwhelming. She wasn't sure how long she had been crying when she finally fell asleep.

Waking up, the sunlight was shining through the window. She glanced at the clock, it was almost 7am and she knew she had to get up. She ran her hand over her face, pushing the hair that stuck to her forehead out of her face as she sat up. She reached over, grabbing her phone off the table.

on my way-Callie

She smiled to herself, she would be seeing her son soon and she couldn't wait.

She couldn't help but smile when Callie walked in. "Hey, how was your night?" Callie asked.

"I slept and cried. It was a long night. How was he?" Meredith asked, eager to have her baby back in her arms.

"It was good, he ate and slept well. I had a hard time getting Sofia to go to bed, she was having a blast helping." Callie said with a slight laugh.

Meredith couldn't help but laugh. "Good, I'm glad." She watched as Callie gently got her son out of the carseat as the baby fussed.

"Oh I know sweet pea, you're going back to your momma, I promise. You can sense she's here, I know." Callie said, smiling. Meredith couldn't help but feel relieved when Callie put her son back in her arms.

"Hey, Brady. I missed you so much," Meredith whispered holding him close to her chest. Callie stood there for a minute, admiring the duo before speaking.

"I'm going to get to work, Grey. Let me know if you need anything." Callie said with a smile.

Meredith smiled softly. "Thanks, Callie. For everything."

"No problem." Callie quietly left the room, leaving the two alone. Meredith didn't know how she was going to do this, but with her friends by her side, she knew she would survive.