Ahsoka sits in the small kitchenette of the Shadow, somewhere she's spent nearly every morning since learning that it's equipped with a caf machine. It's become a bizarrely pleasant little ritual, her morning cafs with Ben. They don't speak much, which seems to suit the both of them fine, just relax and prepare for that day's lessons.

Once, a few days ago now, back when the silence between them had been far less peaceful, he'd turned to her, out of the blue, and said, "I know I shouldn't be telling you anything about the future, but they really don't make military ration caf like they used to – it's crap in my time."

She'd been dumbstruck for a moment by the lighthearted nature of his comment – it had been almost humorous, what he'd said, the ghost of a joke, yet she'd been unable to contain her laughter. It escaped her with such a force that her lungs burned and her ribs ached. She was glad he hadn't spoken to her while she was mid-sip, otherwise she's sure she would have shot hot caf out of her nose.

"I'll enjoy it while I can, then." She'd said, nearly out of breath after regaining her composure. Things have been far less tense between them since then.

Ben has taken on a larger role in the education of Rey, Leia, and Luke and Ahsoka has been happily surprised by what a help he has been. He's not always the most patient teacher, he's still his seemingly normal, brooding self, but he is knowledgeable, and she finds his insights on the Force interesting, even if she doesn't always agree with them.

Yoda is outside with Rey and the Skywalker twins leading them through morning meditation. Ahsoka will be taking over in a bit to go over a few basic lightsaber forms - something she knows Luke to be very excited about. She thinks that he'll be decidedly less excited when she reveals that they'll be sparring with sticks she's salvaged from the surrounding marshy forest, staves not really being an option currently. She's not sure what else he expects. Two brand new Force users sparring with actual lightsabers sounds like a recipe for lost limbs. Something she'd actually like to avoid, if possible.

Still, it does something to her heart to see Luke holding his father's lightsaber, and that something is only exacerbated by how much he actually looks like Anakin. More than once she's slipped up and called him 'Skyguy'. How she'd so easily fallen back into that old habit she can't say, but the nickname makes Luke smile even if it nearly cracks her chest apart every time it crosses her lips. She hasn't told him that it had once belonged to his father, though she probably should, he would probably like to hear that.

Ahsoka rips her thoughts from Luke and his father and takes some time to study the man in front of her – another Skywalker. He looks nothing like Anakin, physically at least. His eyes though, even if they are dark brown where Anakin's had been blue, hold the same intensity she'd noticed in her master's darker moments, his moments of anger or despair.

It makes her wonder why she had not been in his life more, why she hadn't been around to warn his parents and Luke about that intensity, to help them see the signs of someone in danger of falling down that Dark path. Sure, she had missed those signs with Anakin, but she had been so young then. Where was she in the future? Why had Ben only met her a few times in his youth? Why would she have kept her distance from the Skywalkers? She can feel herself frowning as Ben sets his intense gaze on her.

"I was thinking of stealing Rey away from lessons this afternoon. I've been wanting to explore the 'dyad' further, I'm hoping that we can learn to control it." He says casually before taking a sip of caf from his own mug. "If that's alright with you, of course."

"Oh," She begins, surprised, not at his question, but that he has spoken at all. "I think that would be fine." She agrees, nodding. "Rey's already quite a bit more advanced than the Skywalkers when it comes to her forms – how long has she been training?"

"No longer than six months," Ben answers after a bit of consideration. "I'm actually not sure who she's training with currently… in our time." He quickly clarifies.

"Not you?"

Ben huffs out a small laugh at that and brings his mug of caf up to his lips, smiling into the rim.

"No, decidedly not." He purses his lips a moment as if in thought. "I do believe she had a bit of a head start from, you know," He taps one finger against his temple. "The bond. I think it allows for transfer of information. I can't be sure, of course, but that matches up with what she's told me and, well, she managed to do this to me the first time she ever held a lightsaber." He points to the scar that cuts down the right side of his face and snakes under the collar of his shirt.

"Impressive." Ahsoka says with a smile, her eyebrows raising. "And you've only been training for how long?"

"Since I was ten." He chuckles, shaking his head. Again, Ahsoka notices him try to hide his soft smile behind the mug in his hand.

"Well, I'll assume you did something to deserve it." Ahsoka says and she'd only meant for it to be a playful barb but the way his face darkens she realizes how on the mark she must have been. She clears her throat. "It's interesting that it works like that – your bond, I mean."

"Yes," He says, his tone a bit stiffer than it had been a moment ago. "Well, I'd imagine I know far more about scavenging than I have any right to thanks to that particular feature."

"Here's hoping you never need to use it." She says lightly as she lifts her mug to him. "Speaking of scavenging," She says after a slow sip. "We're running low on a few supplies, I've noticed." Ben nods as though he has noticed this as well. "We're fine for now, but eventually someone is going to make a run – or else we'll all be eating a lot of snake and frog soup." She says, her nose scrunching up at the thought.

"Someone…" Ben begins slowly, chewing on the word. "Who were you thinking of?" He asks, his eyebrows raising with minute curiosity.

"Han," She answers plainly. Ben frowns. "I figure we might as well take advantage of the fact that we have a smuggler with us – You disagree?" She asks, taking note of his souring expression. Ben works his jaw for a moment before answering.

"Who knows how many holos of Han are circulating currently, and I know that he'll insist on taking his ship." He rolls his eyes, his mouth pressed into a tight line. "As far as I am aware, Vader has no idea that you are with us. You might be the safer option."

"Ben," Ahsoka begins, sighing. She sets her caf down on the metal surface of the table between them. "I've been at a pretty consistent level of 'Wanted by the Empire' for the past nineteen years. I'm no safer than any of you." She shrugs. "And anyway, Han already said he wanted to do it." Ben grounds out a gravelly sigh at that.

"Of course he did." He sets his own caf down, his hands tightening into fists before him. He doesn't look angry though, tense definitely, and maybe a little uncomfortable. "If Han goes, I'd like – I should go with him."

"Oh?" Ahsoka raises one brow inquisitively. "And why's that?"

"For protection." He says and the look on his face makes it clear he knows just how lame of an excuse that really is. "And to make sure he comes back." He doesn't look at Ahsoka as he says that and some part of her realizes that this is the real reason he wants to go with the smuggler, with his father. The realization is a cold one. "It would only be a few days, at most. Don't you trust me yet, Tano?"

"I do," She says quickly, but that's not quite true. "I want to." She amends. "I've been fighting Sith and Dark Side agents since I was a kid." She admits with a shrug. She picks up the warm mug with both hands, more for something to do than anything else. "And the ones I have worked with haven't proven themselves the most… reliable."

It had been proven to her time and time again, a Darksider's only loyalty was to themselves. Maybe though… maybe Ben is different. He seems to genuinely care about Rey, at the very least, something Ahsoka would have previously thought impossible for someone who uses the Dark Side. He's not wholly Dark either, so maybe that has something to do with it. His presence in the Force is muddled, a murky and confused grey. Much like her, he's no Jedi, but he's no Sith either.

"I may have judged you a bit prematurely." She admits. "If you think it's best that you go with Han, I'll trust you. You know him better than I do."

A shadow passes over Ben's face, dark and cold and sad. The silence that passes between them is far less pleasant now. Ahsoka downs the rest of her caf and stands.

"We should probably…" She stops when she sees Ben's face. His brows are drawn together, he looks pensive, contemplative. His jaw works tensely as though chewing on a question. He sets those unsettlingly intense eyes on her again.

"The crystals in your sabers," He begins uncomfortably. "You healed them, correct?" He doesn't meet her eyes when he asks this, they are focused on some point over her shoulder she thinks.

"I did."

She thinks that he might ask her how she'd done it and some softer part of her, the part that has grown traitorously fond of this lost Skywalker, hopes he might ask her to show him how – he doesn't do either. He's quiet again for a long time, his gaze having dropped down to his hands, or, perhaps the mug in them. After some time he nods tersely.

"That's what I thought." He says, his tone clipped. He stands abruptly and stalks off towards his ship's entry hatch. Ahsoka sighs and follows him.

Rey is supposed to be meditating, but she's not, not really. She is distracted. Moments ago, Ben had stormed out of the Shadow, Ahsoka following close behind, making a beeline for Han. Rey's not sure why Ben is so upset but she can feel some kind of turbulence in him, confused and frustrated, but not angry. He's still speaking with his father about something and Rey cannot tear her eyes away.

Her heart breaks as she watches them, and not just for Han, not just because of what she knows happens to him. Her heart breaks for the whole lot of them – this broken family, most of whom have no idea what tragedies await them just around the corner.

Some days Rey is simply bursting out of her skin with the want to run up to each and every one of them, to shout that they should hold each other close and never let go. She would force them to, if she could, to stay with and love each other, because that's what families are supposed to do, or, that's what she thinks families are supposed to do. She wouldn't know from experience. She hopes that's what they do.

She wants to warn them about what is coming – but that's a dangerous idea, right? Yoda said that too much knowledge of the future could be a bad thing, that the future is always changing. She wonders how much has already changed.

"Have you ever noticed," Luke begins, keeping his voice low to not attract the attention of Yoda, as neither of them are too keen on getting whacked by a walking stick today. "How Ben and Han kinda look alike?" Rey snorts out a nervous laugh that is obviously too loud and both her and Luke freeze completely, she's fairly sure neither of them are breathing.

"Um… not really," She lies once she thinks that they are in the clear, that Master Yoda has not heard them.

Seeing the two Solos here, together, both of them being around the same age, it is obvious how much Ben resembles his father, and it's not just physically. There are so many small, picked-up mannerisms she notices watching them side by side. The way Ben runs his hand through his hair when he's nervous or thinking, or how he points his finger at a person when he's frustrated with them. It's those small, inherited gestures that must be so easy and natural to pick up when you grow up with a person – those are another reason her heart feels like it's breaking.

"Not like, identical, just – I don't know, they could be brothers, you know?" He shrugs minutely and then his shoulders shake with silent laughter. "I mean, crazier things have happened, right? Leia and I are twins, can you imagine if Ben and Han were related too? What are the odds of that?"

"Pretty high," Rey mumbles.

"Can the two of you be quiet?" Leia hisses from Rey's other side. "You're going to get us all in trouble."

"Leia," Luke whispers, ignoring his sister's request. "What do you think?"

"Luke."

"About Ben and Han."

"I don't think about Han!" Leia whispers quickly, nearly tripping over her words.

"No, I mean, do you think they – Ow!" Luke cries out a second before Rey feels a sharp pain crack across the back of her skull.

"Silence, meditation requires." Yoda says from behind her. "Silence, yes." He cackles.

"Sorry, Master Yoda." Luke offers sheepishly as Rey angrily rubs the knot forming on the back of her head.

"Thanks a lot, you two." Leia growls quietly after the old Jedi master wanders far enough away.

They break not long after for a mid-day meal. Rey sits next to Luke on one of the logs around the unlit bonfire, the area having become the sort of social hub of the campsite. Luke nibbles quietly at the green veg-meat and polystarch loaf while Rey scarfs her own rations down per usual. She's used to the unnatural tasting food, having known little to nothing else for most of her life, the others are… still adjusting.

After finishing every last bit of her food, Rey turns her attention on Luke. He's seemed so quiet and sad since, well, since the Death Star. His mood has only gotten worse since then, especially after his encounter in the Dark Side cave, something she would have tried to warn him away from, had she known it was calling to him. She sighs, wishing she knew what was on his mind.

"Luke, are you alright?" She asks softly. He looks up at her and, not for the first time, she notices how tired he looks, like he hasn't been sleeping properly. He nods and she places a gentle hand on his shoulder. "You can talk to me, you know." Luke looks at her cautiously for a moment before nodding again.

"I just – I wish Ahsoka or Yoda would talk with me… I'm – I'm just really confused." He shakes his head, looking down into the food in his lap, his blond hair flowing with the movement.

"I wish there was some way I could help you." She offers solemnly. Luke looks up, a spark of hope in his eyes.

"I – Maybe you can." He starts softly. "I overheard Yoda speaking with Ben the other day, he said that Ben fell to the Dark Side, is that true?"

Rey worries at her lip, wondering if telling Luke the truth here could do any harm to the future, but as he already heard it from Yoda, she doesn't see what it could possibly hurt. She nods. Luke smiles, which she finds to be an odd reaction to that news.

"That first day on the Falcon, when you helped me reach out to the Force for the first time, do you remember?" Luke asks eagerly.

"I remember," Rey agrees. It seems like so long ago now though it has really only been a few weeks, perhaps a month, at most. She hasn't been counting the days. She doesn't do that anymore.

"I felt Ben then, in the Force, he was really cold and dark, but he feels different now, lighter, right?"

"Yeah, he does." Rey says and she can't help the smile that spreads across her face.

She's sensed it, that Light inside of him slowly growing. She also senses him fighting it less and less, accepting the change, accepting the Light that has always been a part of him. She feels his Darkness too, those cold, black coils wrapped around his soul like chains. She wonders if he will ever be free from it, she hopes he will. She hopes for a future for him, a future with him – a hope she'd tried and failed to kill during those long six months after Crait.

"So, he was able to come back from it – the Dark?"

"He's… coming back, I guess." She offers with an awkward shrug.

It is a little uncomfortable discussing this with Luke. She is sure that Ben would not be happy if he knew this conversation was happening. Still, she can see how much Luke is struggling, the dark circles under his eyes gain more weight every day. If there's any way she can help him, she'd like to try.

"How?" He asks quickly, his eyes searching her face as though it might contain all of the answers on how to pry someone back from the ice-cold clutches of the Dark Side. "How did he do it? Are you helping him?"

"I'm trying to," Rey laughs nervously, something unpleasant coiling in the pit of her stomach. She feels like this conversation has taken a turn she wasn't expecting. She wonders what, exactly, Luke saw in that cave. Perhaps she shouldn't be having this conversation with Luke at all. Maybe she should find Ahsoka.

"What did you do?"

"I – I don't know what you want me to say, Luke." She shrugs, one finger scratching restlessly at the fabric of her trousers. "I told him I would help him and that he's not alone, I guess – Why are you asking?"

"I – I just…" He sighs and squeezes his eyes shut tight. "If Ben can come back from the Dark, anyone can. That means it's possible, right?" He looks up at her, his eyes brimming with hope and suddenly, with a bizarre cocktail of fear and pity brewing in her chest, Rey knows exactly what they are talking about, what he is asking her. "Right?"

"Luke," She starts lamely, but whatever she was going to say dies off in her throat.

What in the galaxy can she say to him? She knows that Vader returns to the Light before his death, that Luke's love for his father is enough to help him turn, but she can't very well tell him that. Still, it would be lying to tell him that it is impossible. She feels incredibly trapped.

"What if I can help him, Rey?" Luke asks, and Rey can see tears welling up in his eyes. "What if I'm the only one who can?"

This isn't going to go the way you think, is what she wants to say, is what she thinks. Never have Luke's own words seemed so appropriate, but she can't bring herself to say them, so she swallows them back down where they land hard in her churning gut.

"Coming back to the Light, it's not a decision I made for Ben, or that you can make for… anyone else." She adds awkwardly. Luke has yet to reveal that this conversation is about his father and Rey is certainly not going to be the one to take that leap. "As much as you might want to, it's something they have to choose on their own."

Luke's eyes slowly dip from her face to the ground below and he closes them, sighing dejectedly. Rey wraps one arm around his shoulders and pulls him into her. She tries to think of something more to say, something that might help him, but she has nothing. She rests her head against his shoulder and hopes that she hasn't just made a terrible mistake.

Ben leads Rey into the wooded area behind his ship. They'll want peace and quiet, not to mention privacy, while they work on understanding the bond they share. The location he's chosen is not too far away from the clearing that the group has been calling 'home' for the past week or so, but far enough that he's sure they won't be disturbed.

The space he has chosen is less of a clearing and more like a patch of dry-ish ground surrounded on three sides by thick tree trunks and roots. It will be a tight squeeze, even for just the two of them sitting across from one another, but at least they will be protected from any stalking predators. Ben sits and nods, silently indicating Rey do the same. She complies, tucking herself between two thick roots, her knees so close they are almost touching his own.

"I'm worried about Luke." Rey says a moment after sitting down.

"Why?"

"Have you seen him?" Rey asks in what sounds like disbelief. "He's exhausted! He's clearly worried about something and today… today he was asking me about you - and the Dark Side."

"He was asking about me?" Ben asks stiffly.

"He's noticed that you aren't as Dark as you once were." Rey offers, maybe a little sheepishly. "I've noticed too." She adds with a smile.

Ben suppresses a flinch at her words. He knows that what she is saying is true, he's felt it as well, but hearing it spoken aloud, it feels like an admonishment, even if Rey doesn't mean it as one. His body is too used to punishment after any recognition of the Light that burns his soul, whether coming from Snoke's hands or his own.

"At first, I thought he was just curious and I wanted to help him, but then I… I realized we weren't talking about you anymore. I'm afraid he's going to do something rash." She says worrying at the hem of her tunic absentmindedly.

"Rash?" Ben asks carefully.

He knows what they are both thinking about even if neither of them will bring it up directly. She'd done something 'rash' in shipping herself off to him in an escape pod in an attempt to bring him back to the Light. It hadn't gone the way either of them wanted at the time. He couldn't turn her, and she couldn't save him from himself. Ben fears that even after everything they have been through since, the wound may still be a bit too raw to inspect too closely.

"He wants to help Vader; his father." She says, sighing sadly. "And I know he does, but…"

"We're still a bit a ways from when that is supposed to happen." Ben pauses, thinking. "Luke shouldn't confront Vader and Sidious on the second Death Star for at least four more years. I doubt it's even under construction…" He stops abruptly. The second Death Star, should they tell someone about that?

"Four years?" Rey gasps. "Do you think we'll be stuck here that long?" She looks up at him, her eyes pleading for answers he simply doesn't have.

"I - I don't know," He says, taking her hand in one of his own. "I'm sorry, Rey." He offers as softly as he can. "But don't worry about Luke. He can't do anything stupid, not with everyone here watching him."

"I suppose," Rey says, sounding unconvinced but nodding. "Maybe… maybe you could talk with him?"

"I don't… maybe." Ben sighs, relenting. "Maybe, but can we move on for now?"

"Yes, alright." Rey agrees, smiling.

"I'm not sure how long we will be here," He begins. "but the longer we're here the more likely it becomes that we encounter Vader again." Rey flinches slightly but nods in agreement. "We caught him by surprise last time, I think, but we won't have that element on our side in the future. We need to learn to control our bond, the dyad, I suppose." Ben sighs, one hand coming up to rub at his temple. "I only wish that we had something to go off of, a text, a holocron – anything."

"I haven't read anything about dyads in my Jedi texts – not that I've finished them yet."

"Well, as rare as it seems to be, I wouldn't imagine…" Ben pauses, blinking, Rey's words catching up with him. "You have Jedi texts?"

"Yes, well," Rey laughs a little awkwardly. "I stole them, actually, from Luke – he wasn't using them and…"

Ben can't help the laugh that escapes him. The image of her stealing what must be ancient Jedi texts from under Luke's nose is enough to break his composure. Once a scavenger, always a scavenger. He feels his heart swell when his eyes meet hers. She isn't laughing, but she isn't upset either. She's just watching him and smiling.

"Well, in lieu of texts to follow, I think we should work on strengthening our bond." Ben begins again once he's gained control of himself. "I'm hoping that if we… open ourselves up to each other completely," He says, his words a bit stilted, unable to hide his discomfort with allowing such vulnerability with anyone, even Rey. "And focus on our connection we can learn to control it. I've noticed that it seems to become intensified with physical touch, but I'd prefer not to lean on that crutch if possible."

"Alright, so I'll just…" Ben feels Rey wash over him and, for a moment, he can do nothing but blink dumbly at the sensation. "Like that?"

Ben nods in affirmation and hesitates a moment before lowering his own walls and letting Rey in fully. He's frightened of what she might see or feel, but it has to be done. He steels himself and opens up. He focuses on the line of their connection and pushes in.

The bond that connects them, that indescribable thing that Ben has always visualized as a glowing, golden thread tying their souls together, solidifies, thickens, now more resembling a rope in his mind than a string. The feeling of connecting with her fully is overwhelming. It crashes over him like a wave of light and soon it becomes impossible to tell her thoughts from his – in fact, there is no him or her, they simply are. It feels somehow foreign and completely familiar all at once.

It takes a moment for the sensation to subside and when Ben comes back to his physical body, he finds that he is trembling slightly, but Rey is too. He can feel the part of them that belongs to her inside of his mind. He can feel her brushing up against memories, fond ones and terrible ones, ones that are still so twisted and confused, ones that have been ripped apart and pieced back together by hands that are not his own. She shudders physically at a few.

The part of them that is Ben is in Rey's mind. He's been here before, of course, just as she has been inside of his. He'd felt her loneliness then, but he hadn't really seen it. He hadn't seen the years through her eyes as though he'd experienced them himself. Years of sand and scars and scavenging. Years hiding from the heat of the sun and from vicious sandstorms that lasted for days. Days and years alone, scratched into thick, metal walls, each mark a wound as real as any other.

Her strength marvels him, though it always has. He opens his eyes and looks at her, her own still closed, her consciousness still weaving its way through his memories. He watches the fine muscles between her brows twitch with concentration and he knows that he should be concentrating as well, this had been his idea after all, but he can't close his eyes, can't look away. She is lost in his mind, but he is lost in how much he loves her.

Rey's eyes fly open in an instant. Ben, realizing what she must have heard or felt stands quickly throwing his shields back up with more force than he had intended causing Rey to stumble slightly as she rises to meet him.

"You love me?" Rey asks, her voice so quiet Ben almost can't hear it over the sound of blood rushing in his ears.

"Rey, I…" He can't deny it, he won't. He does love her, maybe he has since she reached out to him through their bond.

"Ben, I love you too." Rey says, her eyes shining, filling with tears. She is smiling at him again. He thinks her tone should be reassuring, but it does nothing to slow his rapidly quickening heart.

Ben rears backwards, as though Rey had reached out and struck him. It's not that he's surprised necessarily, though it is a shock to hear, it's that he's terrified. He knows that what she's said is true, that she's not lying to him, she wouldn't do that – she might not be able to do that – but that only stokes the fear in his heart further.

"Why?" He asks without thinking, the word falling from his mouth unbidden. Something pained flies across Rey's face before she smiles at him again, reaching one hand up to caress his cheek.

"Because no one knows me the way you do, no one understands me… no one could." She squeezes his hand with the one not on his face. "I mean, you heard what Master Yoda said, about the dyad? You're a part of me, how could I…"

"So, you don't have a choice, then?" Ben asks coldly, something frightened and anxious coils in his chest. It whispers she would never choose you. The voice he hears is his own and the words twist like a knife in his stomach. If she could, she would choose another, maybe Dameron or the traitor?

"No Ben," She shakes her head. "That's not what I'm saying at all…"

"Of course, no one would ever love me unless they had no other choice in the matter." He says, his jaw shaking. He looks at the ground, anywhere but at Rey. "Not even my own family…"

"Your family loves you." Rey says, her tone, like her statement, is solid and unwavering. Ben tries to turn away, but she grips his hand tighter, keeping him in place. She won't let him run. "Leia loves you; I've seen it. Your father –"

Ben flinches, but Rey grips his chin with her hand and forces him to look her in the eyes as she continues.

"Look at me, Ben." She says firmly. "I know this is hard for you to hear, but your father loved you, you know he did." She swallows thickly.

"Maybe he shouldn't have." Ben says. He'd meant for his words to be as strong as Rey's, but they come out broken and pathetic.

"Stop," She shakes her head, her eyes never leaving his own. "That isn't what this is about. Your mother loves you, your father loved you –"

Ben's heart is pounding, threatening to beat straight out of his chest. His lungs are burning because he simply can't get enough oxygen. He shakes his head. He doesn't want to hear this – any of this. It's bad enough that he has to be surrounded by these people all day every day, but now he must be confronted with the 'proof' of their love?

"Go on! Do Luke next!" Ben spits. He grasps desperately at the memory of his uncle's betrayal, of the rage that stirs in him. Anger is easy to feel, it is easy to understand. "Tell me how my uncle loved me. Remind me of how he loved me so much he tried to kill me in my sleep!" Ben is shouting now, and it is entirely possible the others might hear them, but he is past caring about that right now. He looms over Rey, but she is as uncowed by his physicality as ever.

"I won't defend what Luke did to you. I'll never – I was furious when I found out – when you told me. When he confessed," She laughs, but there is not joy in the sound, it crackles with anger. "I attacked him, I –" She shakes her head to clear her thoughts as Ben inhales sharply. She had attacked Luke, fought for him? No one has ever done that before. "But I think that you should know as well as anyone how you can hurt the people you care about." She says firmly, her eyes hard, her mouth downturned. "We can do horrible things to the people we love."

Ben deflates, his shoulders slumping under the weight of the undeniable truth of Rey's words. He'd killed his father and he'd never hated him; in truth, he'd never stopped loving him. He'd lead an army against his mother with every intention of destroying her and everything she stood for, of destroying Rey, he'd – He closes his eyes.

"I have." He chokes out.

"I know that."

"So how can you love me?" Ben asks, his voice a wavering, watery mess.

"I know what you've done, but I also know who you are." She says, flashing him a quick, sad smile. "I know how you've been manipulated, even if you deny it still – and no," she adds quickly as Ben opens his mouth to interject. "That doesn't absolve you of your choices, but it can help explain some of them. You are not just a collection of your bad deeds, Ben Solo. You are a person, and I can feel how you want to change, how you already have. And –"

She screws her eyes shut, a single tear snaking down her cheek. A stabbing pain shoots through Ben's chest knowing that he has done this to her. She'd been so happy only a moment ago. This is precisely why she shouldn't love him. He ruins everything.

"You think I don't have a choice?" She asks, looking up at him, her voice cracking painfully over the last word. "Of course I have a choice, Ben. I made a choice six months ago." She wraps her arms around her chest, holding herself tight. "I never – Do you have any idea how much I wanted to take your hand?" She asks, her eyes imploring. Ben can only swallow around the gathering lump in his throat. "But I couldn't – I couldn't stay, not like that." She looks like she is struggling not try cry in earnest now. "So, I made a choice." She shrugs sadly.

"Rey," Ben whimpers pitifully. She looks up at him softly.

"And I'm here now, I love you, not because I don't have a choice – because you are my choice." The softness leaves her eyes in an instant, replaced by the fiery, stubborn energy of the scavenger he knows so well. "So, you're just going to have to get used to it."

Ben has no words. He wraps his arms around Rey and pulls her into him, buries his face into her temple to stifle the choked sob that escapes his throat. He holds her tight, clings to her like a port in a storm. No one has ever chosen him, or, at least, he's never felt chosen. He is so desperate to be loved, to be loved by Rey, but he's absolutely terrified of it as well. He's so certain that he will wreck it as he has for every other good thing life has ever dared throw him and he knows he will not survive that.

He doesn't know how to love someone, but even more that that, he doesn't know how to be loved, and it frightens him.

"I don't know how to be loved either." Rey says softly as she rubs comforting circles into his back. Ben's not sure if she picked up his thoughts through the bond or if he's been blubbering aloud like an idiot, but he doesn't care. "We can figure it out together."

He holds her and she holds him back and lets him cry into her and it's everything. She's everything.

"I love you," He says, his voice hoarse.

"I know that too."