All characters belong to Sega/Archie except my OCs.

Chapter 20

Shadow didn't come to school for a few days. The first day when I walked into eighth period and noticed his empty seat, I nearly lost my mind. I texted him relentlessly throughout the period, begging for a response and confirmation that he was okay. After about twenty text messages, he finally replied. I nearly rolled my eyes at his concise I'm fine. His short message followed with a promise to call me later that night.

I anxiously waited by the phone for the rest of the afternoon, praying Shadow would call me sooner rather than later. Eventually, he did give me a call. He explained he'd drove down to Baltimore to see his brother. After his release from the hospital, his mother and uncle had taken him back to his childhood home. Upon the news, Shadow drove his motorcycle the entire way down. Apparently, his mother and uncle weren't very happy with his decision, but his brother was happy to see him.

"How is he doing?" I asked.

"Fine, I guess," Shadow replied. His voice was laced with exhaustion. "He's been trying to crack jokes with me and talk about the stupid shit we did when we were younger. I think he's trying to avoid the bigger conversation at hand. He knows mom told me what happened, but he won't talk to me about it."

"Have you brought it up to him?"

"I've asked him if he was going to stay home, and he promised he would. He says he's going to go to rehab."

"Do you believe him?"

Silence radiated from his end for a moment. "No."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. Maybe he'll prove me wrong. I'm just not holding my breath."

"When will you be home?"

"My uncle and I are driving back Friday morning."

"Do you want to hang out on Saturday? We could go to the movies and see Doctor Sleep."

"Yeah. We can do that."

A soft knock hammered against my door. "Cool. I've got to go."

"Can you send me a picture of the English notes?"

"Yeah, sure. I'll see you on Saturday."

"Bye."

"Come in," I yelled to my visitor. A stone fell on my chest as my father's face appeared behind the door. Immediately, I averted my gaze to the piles of homework around me.

"Hey, Sonic," my father spoke softly. "Do you have a minute to talk?"

"I have a lot of homework to do."

"Not enough to deter you from conversing on the phone." He took a seat on my bed. "Who were you talking to?"

"One of my classmates. He was asking about classwork since he's gonna be out for a few days."

My father raised an eyebrow. "Why's that?"

"He's visiting family out of town."

"I guess it is that time of year." He patted the empty space beside him. "Come sit."

Hesitantly, I rose from my seat and joined him on the bed. I glued my eyes to the floor and hid my hands in my lap. "What did you want to talk about?"

"I…I want to apologize for some of the things I said before…when we asked you about your college admissions. You know…you know your mother and I only want the best for you."

"I know."

"We're only pushing so hard for Ivy League because we know you'll excel there. We don't want you to throw away your exceptional abilities at some state school. You're much better than that."

"I guess."

He sighed. "If not an Ivy League school, where would you want to go?"

"Um…I was…I was thinking about Howard University. It's practically one of the Ivy Leagues of Historically Black Colleges and Universities. It's close to home. They have exceptional programs. Their basketball team is decent. And there will be…there'll be more people who look like me. I won't…I won't feel so different all the time."

My father frowned. "Is that your main concern? You want to go somewhere with more African-American students?"

"I want to go somewhere I won't stick out like a sore thumb. Somewhere I won't have to prove my worth because of my skin color. Somewhere I don't have to pretend to be perfect." I wrapped my arms around myself. "I'm happy I was accepted into Harvard. I am, but it's just…it's so far and I…I don't think it's the place for me."

"Is there any way you'll reconsider attending an Ivy League school? You have the potential to do great things if you –"

"I'll still have the potential to do great things if I go to Howard," I snapped. "Where I go to college won't define me or my career; it's what I do during my time there. The two of you just need to trust that I'll do great things no matter where I go."

"Are you…are you sure you're making the right decision? There's still time for early admissions at the Ivy League schools – at Harvard."

"I'm not changing my mind!" I yelled. I raised my head to glare at him. "For once, just for once, can I make a decision for myself? Can I do something that will make me happy?"

My father held my gaze. "I suppose," he replied. "If this is what you really want, your mother and I will allow it. The fact that you're going to college is still an accomplishment." He set a hand on my shoulder. "We can be proud of you for that."

I returned my gaze to the floor.

His large hand squeezed my shoulder. "You do know that, don't you? That your mother and I are proud of you."

"Yeah," I whispered almost inaudibly.

"We're only hard on you because we know you have the potential to be successful."

"I know."

His arm wrapped around my shoulders, pulling me into a soft hug. "Good. Don't ever forget that."

I promised myself I'd try.

Eighth period was lonely without Shadow. I missed sharing his headphones and silently jamming out to his Spotify playlists. I missed arguing with him during collaboration time about stupid shit. I missed watching him doodle sugar skulls during the teacher's long-winded lectures. I missed being able to look over at any moment and see his beautiful eyes. I missed him.

The thought hit me like a ton of bricks. Just a few months ago, he was nothing to me but a nuisance. I'd thought he was unintelligent, unorganized, and sloppy. I'd never considered he could be funny or thoughtful or kind or resilient or handsome. The thought of us ever being friends, at one point, seemed like a joke. But now…now here I was counting down the days until I could see him again.

I wished I could say it was absurd. I wished I could deny our friendship. I wished I could blame it all on my stupid emotions and that damned green spot embedded in my brain. But, I couldn't. Shadow truly was a good person and, regardless of my feelings, I enjoyed his company. Even if I didn't feel such strong desires for him, I was sure we still would've made great friends. It's just controlling those feelings that's going to determine if we'll be able to keep up that friendship.

Sure, Shadow brushed it off the first time I kissed him. We managed to continue as if it never happened. But I couldn't erase the frown he'd given me after our short conversation and my wishes to pretend I'd never made an advance like that towards him. Nor could I forget the curl of his frown as he watched Owen grab my hand. Maybe he was just confused about me. If I was in his position, I would be too. Had I simply kissed him in the heat of an emotional moment? Or was I something more than I was letting on?

My chest hurt at the thought of losing him as a friend if he ever found out about me – the real me. Feelings for him completely aside, I feared he thought the same way my father did. If he ever discovered my true desires, would he hate me? Would he call me a faggot and resent my existence? The imaginary sound of him uttering such words caused my stomach to roll.

Hopefully, he'd just never find out.

Saturday night, I was a bit too eager to hang out with Shadow. I spent a lot of time in the shower and my room, cleansing myself to the best of my ability and putting together my best casual attire. I wasn't sure why I was trying so damn hard. Shadow wasn't going to notice, or care, anyway. Besides, we were just friends. All we could ever be were friends.

I perked up at the sight of Shadow as he walked out of his uncle's house. His ripped jeans and graphic design hoodie was a breath of fresh air after a week of bland uniforms and strict student council appearances. A smile spread across my lips as he hopped into my car. "Hey, Shadow."

"Hi, Sonic." He strapped himself in. "Are you alright?"

I hadn't noticed I'd stared for a moment too long. Blushing, I fixed my eyes towards the road. "Yeah, yeah. I'm good." I put the gear in drive and headed off down the road. "How…how are you? How's your brother?"

"I'm fine. My brother's fine." He plugged his phone into the AUX cord. "I found a really cool artist I think you'll like. He's like Kendrick Lamar's lyrics and Big Sean's flow slept together and had a baby."

I chuckled. "Sounds promising."

Indeed, the new artist's music was absolutely genius. His beats were catchy, and his lyrics were well-written. I listened to Shadow as he rapped along to some of the songs. With every word, my smile grew larger and larger.

In the theatre, Shadow sat abnormally close to me. Like when we saw Joker, he crushed himself against the armrest separating our chairs and leaned his head into his palm. His scent wrapped around me like a blanket, coercing me to move closer. I complied to its request subtly, scooting over every few minutes. Shadow's notice of my proximity took me by surprise. Rather than repulsively or awkwardly moving away, he began to lean in and whisper jokes and comments into my ear. The first time he did it, I was so enthralled with the movie that his warm breath at the sensitive skin on my ear startled me. I'd flinched and looked at him with wide eyes.

He chuckled at me. "Scared already," he whispered. "Pussy."

I shoved his shoulder. "Shut up."

"Hit me again, and you'll have to fight me."

I rolled my eyes as I returned to my spot.

Shadow continued whispering to me throughout the film. Most times, it was small theories about what was going to happen next or questions neither of us knew the answer to. On a few occasions, he made a noise in my ear that coincided with the jump scare. He laughed each time I jumped. I hit him once or twice when he did.

Near the end of the movie, Shadow whispered a joke into my ear. It was a particularly simple and stupid joke, but I had to contain my hysterical laughter with my hand. I looked over at him to see a wide smile spread across his face and his red eyes bright with amusement. Even in the darkness, I could make out the dimple in his cheek and the sparkles in his eyes.

He looked different when he genuinely smiled. Happier, of course, but livelier. Whenever he smiled, it was if I could see a peek into his soul. Behind his indifferent façade, he was enthralled with the little humors and joys of the world. He held the innocence and wonder of the kid who'd been forced to grow up too soon. In those little moment, the kid unveiled himself, admiring the beauty he was allowing himself to see. Within that instant, staring into his smiling eyes, I thought for a second the beauty could be me.

The absurd hope overwhelmed my body. The desire, the need, the longing for him gained control of all my nerves and bled over all my logical thoughts. In that moment, all I wanted was him – and I was going to do whatever I could to ease that itch.

Without a second thought, I leaned forward and pressed my lips onto his. Unlike the first kiss, my lips weren't hesitant or shaky. My body knew exactly what it wanted. I led his lips into a slow, cautious waltz. I waited for a reaction – a shove across my seat or stiff, unmoving lips. But, as before, he took control of our kisses and sped up their pace. My tongue flicked at his lips, and his minty taste exploded over my taste buds. Spearmint, I concluded. He definitely chewed spearmint flavored gum.

The taste served as a delicacy and a wake-up call. What the fuck was I doing? I promised myself I wouldn't do this. Not again. Not with him. Not with how important he was becoming to me.

Abruptly, I broke the kiss. "I have to use the bathroom," I said simply before I rushed out of the theatre. I zoomed past the restrooms and bolted into the chilly fall night. The cold wind kissed my cheeks and chased away the swirling butterflies in my stomach. How could I have been so fucking stupid? It was bad enough I'd kissed him once, but twice? I had no doubt he'd have questions. He knew. He definitely knew. He had to be a fucking idiot if he didn't by now. And it was going to ruin our friendship. He isn't going to want to be my friend. Not if I can't keep my shit together. And I wouldn't blame him. Maybe…maybe it would be better if we stopped being friends. The fleeting thought brought tears to my eyes.

"What the hell is up with you and running out into bad weather?" his voice broke me out of my thoughts.

I glanced at his tilted head and annoyed scowl.

"Here," he shoved my jacket into my arms. "Put this on."

I obeyed his command. Avoiding his gaze, I shrugged on my jacket. I caught a glimpse of the time as I did so. "It's almost ten… I should…I should take you home."

He didn't respond. He brushed past me towards the parking lot.

I chewed on my lip as I followed behind him.

The car ride was unnaturally quiet. Not even the novice artists' music blasting from my speakers could break the silence between us. Shadow didn't sing along, and I didn't attempt to make small talk. What was the point? I'd already ruined everything. I always do.

What was I thinking by kissing him? By hoping we could be anything more than friends? Shadow was obviously straight. And I didn't need any more incidents to earn my father's bad side. I'd barely wiggled myself into his good graces over choosing a "acceptable" college. If he ever found out about Shadow and me, he'd…

A noose wrapped around my throat from the memories. I couldn't… I wouldn't… I'd never allow myself to go through that again. I had to keep all my flings a secret. I couldn't ever seriously date anyone. Especially not Shadow. He's too close to my school persona. One little slip up in the hallway or in class or even if we're caught together outside of school and my entire life will be ruined. I could already hear the endless teasing, the shameful rejections, and the lonely exile. Not to mention the hell my life would become at home. I couldn't risk it. No matter how much I wanted to.

I opened my mouth to speak as I pulled up to Shadow's house.

Hey, this has been fun, but…

Maybe it'd be better if we stopped hanging out.

I really like spending time with you, but I…

We can still talk in school. You can still send me your playlists and we can listen to music during eighth period.

But that's it. I don't think we can be anything more than classmates.

I'm sorry.

Please don't be mad.

I'm so sorry.

I'll see you around.

"Come inside with me," Shadow spoke before I had a chance.

I raised an eyebrow. "What?"

He held my gaze. "Come inside."

"I…I can't…I…I need to talk to you… I –"

"Talk to me inside. Let's go." He opened the door and climbed out the car.

Slowly, I got out the car and followed him up the walkway.

He unlocked the door and led me inside.

His uncle was sitting on the couch in the living room, sipping on a beer and watching television. "Ah, sobrino, right on time!" He rose to his feet. "There's pizza in the kitchen if you're…" His voice trailed off as his eyes landed on me. "Oh, hello – Sonic, right?"

I feigned a smile. "Yes. Hello, sir."

Shadow grabbed my wrist. "We're going upstairs." He towed me towards the steps.

"Oh," his uncle said. His footsteps followed us to the steps. "Well, I'm down here if you boys need anything."

He dragged me down the dark hallway towards a room at the end of the hallway. He shoved me inside and slammed the door behind him.

I blinked as he flicked on the lights.

Clothes hung out of the drawers. Colognes, shaving tools, brushes, and excess jewelry were scattered over the dressers. The full-sized bed wasn't made. A small television sat between the clutter on one of the larger dressers. Posters of famous artists and intricate tattoo designs covered almost every inch of the wall. Music magazines and worksheets were cluttered all over the small desk. A row of sneakers was neatly lined against the wall near the closet. The distinct scent of old spice and grease wafted through the room.

"Your room is…" I started.

"Why do you keep kissing me?" Shadow questioned. He leaned against the door and crossed his arms. "Don't you dare lie to me."

I opened and closed my mouth, searching for the right words. "I…I um…" I shrunk under his curious, yet suspicious gaze. My eyes fell to the floor. "Shadow, please… please don't make me…don't make say it."

"Why not? What are you afraid of?"

The consequences rotated through my mind. My father's roaring voice and charged insults. My mother's solemn gazes and disappointedly pursed lips. The pain they'd made me endure. The camps. The pamphlets. The rebirths. The therapy. The fucking torture. The pitiful look in Shadow's eyes when he told me he didn't feel the same way. Somehow, that blow hurt the most.

I flinched at his soft touch on my arm.

"Sonic," he said softly. "Look at me."

Slowly, I raised my watery gaze to meet his calm one.

"There's nothing to be afraid of here. You're in a safe place. You can be honest."

"But…but I'm afraid of what…what you might…what you might think."

His brows came together. "Why…?"

My gaze fell again.

He sighed. Gently, he guided me to sit on the bed. "You shouldn't be afraid of what I think. Don't you see my room? I'm the last person to judge."

I almost smiled. "I…I'm afraid you don't…you don't feel…you don't feel the same way."

He tilted his head. "I won't know if you don't tell me."

I glanced up into his sincere, patient eyes. Gathering my shaky breath, I looked up at him. "I…I like you, Shadow…I…I like you a lot…"

"Like as in…"

I would've rolled my eyes if I had control over my shaking nerves. "I like you as more than a friend."

"Oh. Okay."

My brows came together. "That's it? Fucking okay?"

"Yeah. I mean, I…I think…I think I like you too."

"You think?"

It was his turn to look down. "I've always been attracted to…to guys…but I…I've never…"

"Oh," I said softer than I meant.

"Mhm." He shook his head. His ruby gaze returned to me. "But, I…I do…I have feelings for you."

Some of the weight on my chest lifted. "Really?"

"You thought I let anybody kiss me?"

A nervous laugh escaped my lips. "I…I thought you were just…you were being polite or…something."

He rolled his eyes. "You're a fucking idiot." He rubbed my back. "One fear conquered. Moving on to the other ones."

"Well, I was afraid of…I was afraid of losing you. You're…you're a good friend. You're becoming one of my…one of my best friends. I was afraid if I told you how I felt then you…you wouldn't want to be my friend anymore."

"Well, I'm not going anywhere. Anymore fears?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Why are you moving through these like they're some kind of checklist?"

"Because once we get past your fears and you feel comfortable, we can have a real conversation."

I looked down at my hands. "The last fear is a big one. I'm afraid of my sexuality being exposed. My parents aren't…they're not…" I couldn't finish my sentence. "So, I…I don't usually date other guys. So, if you…if you wanted to date…it'd have to be…it'd have to be very lowkey and furtive. I wouldn't be able to hold your hand in school or kiss you whenever I wanted. We'd have to be careful about when and how we show affection if we're out together."

He nodded. "I understand." He tilted his head. "Is there a fourth?"

"No, I…I think that's all…"

"Okay. So, let's start from the beginning: Why do you keep kissing me?"

"I told you already!"

"Too bad. Tell me again."

I rolled my eyes. "You know crushes can be temporary."

"Tell me before I body slam you."

I shook my head. "I really like you, Shadow. I've liked you for a little while now."

His hand traveled over my leg to capture mine. "I like you too, Sonic." He gave my hand a tight squeeze.

"Would you…would you like to try dating…even if it's…even if it's more lowkey than other couples?"

He smiled. "Mhm. Any time we can spend together will make me happy."

I stared into his captivating eyes. "You're really not mad?"

His thumb rubbed my hand. "Why would I be?"

"I…I just thought…"

He scooted closer to me. "Stop listening to the millions of thoughts in your head and listen to me. I have genuine feelings for you – feelings I've never had for anyone else, and I want to be with you." He caressed my cheek. "And I can assure you that unless you do anything stupid, I'm not going anywhere. Can you…can you simply relish in that truth for a few minutes?"

A smile tugged at my lips. "Maybe if you kiss me first for once, I can."

He chuckled. "Oh, if I kiss you, huh?"

"Yeah, it might throw my anxiety a curve ball."

He grabbed my collar and brought me close to him. "Ven," he whispered as he closed the distance between our lips.

Fireworks exploded in my brain from our passionate kisses. With all my worries at bay, I didn't hesitate to ask for more of his minty taste with my tongue or roam his muscles with my hands. Shadow's hands were novel on my body, cautious and slow. Yet, his lips moved sensually against mine. He gradually caught on to my tongue's request for access. I could feel a smile under my lips as he granted it. His tongue was as sweet as the gum he chewed. I couldn't restrain myself from lapping up every inch of flavor he had to offer.

Boom! Boom! Boom! "Hey boys, are y'all alright?" Manny yelled from the other side of the door.

I nearly jumped away from Shadow, scooting over to the opposite end of the bed.

He didn't contain his amusement. "Yeah," he replied between his chuckles. "We're fine."

"Don't laugh at me," I scolded him.

"Come back over here."

I smirked. "Make me."

He crawled over to me and pushed me down onto the mattress.

The butterflies erupted into tiny flames as Shadow leaned down and captured me with his sweet lips once more.