For Your Entertianment

by Child of the Dragon

Alexander Hamilton is putting himself through college by working as an adult film star. John, who follows his work, just so happens to be his new roommate this year. Alex doesn't that John knows what he knows, and Lafayette can't mind his own business. 16/28 in the For Your Entertainment Series

23. Chapter 23

CHAPTER 23:

John's sleep was filled with nightmares.

He was running, running, running from people, or a person, or a monster, or himself. He was running to save his sister, he had to get to her in time, but he tripped and fell, twisting his ankle and found himself in agonizing pain. He was lost in the woods and something was out there, something was hunting him, and his father tied him to a tree, telling him he had to sacrifice himself to the beast. His screams were unheard and the ropes wouldn't release. He could hear his sister screaming, someone was hurting her, then her voice drowned under the wave of other screams, other cries, other children begging not to be hurt, promising to be good, they wanted to go home, they all just wanted to go home, he just wanted to go home. Home to a family that hated him, hated him but it was safer then here, safer then this concrete room, safer then the dirty mattress laying in the middle of the floor, safer then the dead body laying beside it that crawled on top of him and screamed at him first with the face of the poor man he watched get murdered right in front of him, then the face of the man that had pulled that trigger, then the man that made John scream the loudest. John screamed and fought and and begged for help as he was torn into and ripped apart. Around him the broken twisted bodies of his family, his siblings and cousins, his parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, the body of Lafayette, of Thomas, of his childhood friends, of teachers and mentors and classmates, the carnage was so great that it spread into the darkness and only told him one thing, that they were all dead because of him, because of this monster, because of his choices, his stupid, stupid choices. And now he would die too, and the beast would live, and there was nothing John could do to stop it. It laughed at him, squeezing his heart in it's hands, relishing in his torment, the last moments of his miserable life. It leaned in close, John's own face smiling sadistically, demonically back at him. "You're a sinner, John," it whispered in his ear, in his own voice.

"John...John...John! JOHN!"

He finally opened his eyes and nearly screamed, seeing Thomas' face too goddamn close to his. "What?!" he spat out, trying to bury himself back in his comforter. Thomas dug him out again.

"Don't 'WhAaAt' me," Thomas responded, childishly stressing the middle word in an annoying tone. "You were crying and almost screaming in your sleep. Are you okay?"

"I'm Fine," John ground out, pulling the comforter tighter around himself.

"How are your injuries?"

"Fine," John repeated, too annoyed that he hadn't slept well and was being pestered.

It was quiet for a moment, then John heard the one sound he really didn't want to hear in that moment, even more then Thomas's voice, even more then the horrifying sounds of the nightmares that were fading back into darkness, that he couldn't even remember know, that were waiting for him to fall asleep again so they could wreck more havoc. God he was so tired but the sound of his phone ringing with the chime he'd picked specifically for his father's cell phone told him he wouldn't be going back to sleep anytime soon.

"That's the fifth time he's called," Thomas told him. "You might want to answer."

"Jesus, why the fuck didn't you pick it up?" John snapped, throwing his blankets off himself and reaching for the device vibrating on his desk.

"And tell him what? That I spent the night in your dorm because you got jumped by the guy you were hoping would suck your dick last night?"

"Fuck off Thomas!" John whined just before he composed himself enough to answer his phone. "Hullo?"

"There you are!" he heard his father's voice come through the line. "Where are you?"

"Right now? In my dorm," John replied dutifully.

"Where were you supposed to be this morning, John?"

"Ummm..." he stalled as he tried to unscramble his brain from everything that had happened. What day was it again... SHIT. IT'S SUNDAY. WHAT TIME IS IT?! He pulled his phone away and checked, cringing when he saw it was 11:30AM. "Church," he sighed as he brought the phone back to his face. "Daddy, I'm sorr—"

"Pastor Mark said he didn't see you there this morning, so what happened?"

"I overslept," John tried, knowing it was a poor excuse to his father.

"Why didn't you set an alarm?"

"I did, I set two, I must have slept through them." That was a boldfaced lie but he hoped it would work.

"I don't think that's true, John. I think you're lying to me." Well fuck.

"Well, my medication is like that!" John grouched. "I took it before I went to bed last night and since I got home late, I just slept through the alarms! I'm sorry! It won't happen again!"

"What time did you go to bed last night?"

"I don't know, like...one in the morning?"

"And what were you doing out that late, John?"

"Jesus, I don't know? Being a fucking college kid, Dad?"

"Don't you dare take that tone with me, John Anthony Laurens. You know better then to be out that late when you have responsibilities that would get you up the following morning, we raised you better then to act like this."

"I'm not acting like anything, I'm just tired," John sighed. "And I don't have a tone."

"Oh you very much do and it is incredibly disrespectful."

"I said I was sorry," John sighed.

"And what was with the text messages you sent to your mother and I last night? You sent them at nearly 2AM? Do you remember that?"

John groaned into a pillow, knowing his father could hear it. "I was at a party, okay? I went to a party with Alex and Thomas and Lafayette and...and they dared me to send those messages. In a game."

"And you thought it was okay to send them? Also, I thought you said you were home by 1AM, what were you doing up at nearly 2AM then? Which one is it John, because you're lying to me—"

"I'M NOT!"

"—about one of your stories and I don't like it! Now, Tell Me The Truth!"

"I was out with friends, we got home late, and we were all drunk and they dared me to do it and I did because I was young, and stupid, and drunk. And I never said I came home at 1AM, I said I thought it was 1AM when I went to bed, apparently I was mistaken because I was drunk! Is that a crime?!"

"What in the world has gotten into you, John?! You do NOT act like this."

"Maybe a damn good dick is what got into me," John muttered, then cringed again as he heard his father all but have an anurisum.

"EXCUSE ME?!"

"I didn't mean—"

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST IMPLY, JOHN?!"

"It was a jok—"

"A JOKE? A JOKE? YOU THINK THAT IS FUNNY? DO YOU REALLY THINK A SIN LIKE THAT IS A JOKE, JOHN? A SICKNESS THAT YOU HAVE IS A JOKE TO YOU? TELL ME YOU DIDN'T GO OUT AND SPREAD YOUR ASS FOR THE FIRST MAN YOU SAW THAT WOULD HAVE YOU!"

He gritted his teeth and bit his tongue against answering something sarcastic again. "No, I didn't. I went out with my friends, I came home with them too."

"Did You Fuck That French Faggot You're Always Lusting After?!"

Yeah Dad, for two and a half years, and his dick was the best thing to ever happen to my ass, is what he wanted to say but wouldn't. "No, I didn't fuck Lafayette last night. Are you happy now?"

"What about that Alex boy? Did you fuck him?"

"Are you gunna ask me this about every single one of my male friends, Dad? Are you gunna ask me if I'm fucking every single male I come into contact for the rest of my life? Do you wanna know if I'm fucking my teachers? Wanna know if I'm sleeping my way to a degree? Wanna know if I'll fuck my boss, or whatever clients I'll have when I'm finally a lawyer?! It's Funny Because You Never Fucking Cared Who Was Fucking Me When I Was Ten Years Old And Now All Of A Sudden I Sure As Shit Better Not Be Letting Anyone Near My Dick Because That's Just What Satan Wants, ISN'T IT HENRY?! WELL FUCK YOU, I'LL FUCK WHOEVER I WANT AND YOU CAN CHOKE ON THE FACT THAT HAVING A DEMON POWERTHRUST ME INTO A MATTRESS FOR AN HOUR MADE ME FEEL MORE LOVED THEN YOU EVER DID IN ALL 23 YEARS OF MY ENTIRE LIFE!" He couldn't slam the phone down angrily to end the call so he just beat the device into the bed underneath him over and over and over and over again until the rest of his energy was spent. He then threw it toward the foot of the bed and turned back into his pillows, screaming out the rest of his feelings. For a moment he was lost in this own turmoil before he heard someone else talking into the room. John snapped his head up, staring in horror as Thomas talked into his phone.

"No sir," Thomas spoke calmly, respectfully. "He was with me, and Alex and Lafayette the entire night." He shifted his weight casually, as if he wasn't at all bothered by the anger John's father must have been radiating. "Yessir, I know how Lafayette can be, but as an upstanding southern man myself I can tell you with certainty that nothing like that was happening. We went out, and perhaps we got a little too drunk, but John came home with all of us—yessir, we all slept at his dorm, I was in no condition to drive anyone home and—Well, the floor, of course sir...No sir, Lafayette claimed the chair...well, that's your opinion, but I'm not sure how four young drunk college men were supposed to reason that out at 2AM when we were all very tired and ready to sleep...Yes sir, we did encourage him to send that, I distinctly remember telling him that I thought it would be funny...no sir, I see now that it is not...I'm so sorry sir, it wasn't out intention to scare you or his mother, but surely you know how us boys are...No, of course, I will keep it in mind going forward...I don't know what he was talking about either, sir...Is there a doctor he's seeing? Someone I could take him to?...Oh, well, I might know someone he can talk to if that's—Yeah, of course they would treat him for that...of course, yes, that is the mentality they have for his disease as well...Of course, yes, I will speak with him...I will see to that as well...Thomas...Jefferson...Yes, just like," he sighed, and although John couldn't see his face he heard the exhaustion in Thomas's voice, "our third president, yes...I was actually named after him, my, um...my father traces his linage back too...yes, that...Oh? Well no, he's never mentioned that...Heh, small world...Oh, does she? Fascinating...I'll have to come stop by and see it sometime...Oh, no, no, nothing like that. My father wasn't the branch of the family that has anything to do with any of that, so I wasn't raised with it...No, of course, it's a very important part of history...Mmmhmmm...I'm sorry, Mr. Laurens? I have to let you go, Lafayette just woke up and ran to the bathroom, I need to make sure he's okay...Right, yes, of course, I will talk to him and get you that info...Okay thanks, have a good day sir!" he grimaced as he carefully hung up the phone, then turned slowly to look at John who still stared at him with wide eyes. Awkwardly Thomas held up the phone so John could see the shattered screen he'd caused. "You really need a better case for this."

"How mad was he?" John asked.

"He wants you to see a doctor."

"I don't want to see another shrink!" John said, burying his face in the pillow again.

"So let's take you to a body doctor to get you checked out from last night and just tell them it was a head doctor," Thomas replied and John looked up at him again.

"You...was...is that what you intended?"

"To be fair, he only said that you had a doctor back in South Carolina, he never specified that it was for your head. Besides, make sense to me that you'd see a body doctor for matters of the heart, not the head."

John snorted a single laugh. "Is that how you see it? Cuz...he won't..."

"Well, I told him I'd try to talk you into going, but ultimately the ball is in your court. How are you feeling?"

"Sore," John answered honestly. "Tired..." He heaved a sigh and resisted the urge to roll over and go back to sleep. "How can I sleep for nearly 10 hours and still be so tired...?"

"That's rough buddy," Thomas said and he put a hand out to pet John's back. John squirmed under the touch. "I take it you wanna try to get some more sleep before deciding on that doctor visit?"

"I wanna go home," John muttered, barely heard through the pillow under his face.

"Like...home to South Carolina?"

John held the thought in his mind for a minute, weighing the pros and cons. If he left, if he just dropped out and went home now, what could Burr do about it? It answered everything. Alex would never need to know John was a client, and even if he did find out, what would it matter? John would have left him alone, would have literally left him rather then stay and be around him. That would mean he wasn't a stalker, then Alex wouldn't have anything to worry about...except...Burr...He...he couldn't do that to Alex...he couldn't just leave him at the mercy of that man. John really thought Alex was good. He was too innocent, too pure for that man, and no matter how good of an actor he was you just couldn't fake the warmth John felt from Alex; you can't fake a pure heart. But then, it wasn't like he could take Alex home with him either. But how in the world was he going to convince Alex to leave Burr without telling him everything? How could he save both Alex and his family from danger? He felt Thomas's hand on his back, rubbing a touch too hard and John was reminded in a flash of something else. He rolled over, away from Thomas, and pushed the man's arm away. "don't touch me," he whispered, scared for a moment of the retaliation he'd receive.

"Oh, right, you're still sore," Thomas said and pulled his hand away. "You really should see a doctor, but I'll give you some time to think on it. Do you think you'll need anything else while I'm away?"

"You're leaving?"

"I gotta go pick up James soon. I can come right back if you need me too."

"No...I just want to get more sleep," John said.

"You...said you had a medication for that, right?"

John thought of the bottle of pills he kept on himself nearly all the time. High dose tranquilizers meant to take the wind out of his panic attacks, calm him down and knock him out for a few hours. One of those little pills tended to dope him up for a good few hours, and he'd spend them sprawled out somewhere, unresponsive to the world in a drooly little catnap until his body could get it out of his system. No one questioned the rattle of that pill bottle, no one asked him how many he had, how many he was supposed to have...He could take one, and chill out for a while. Maybe he'd get a few hours of dreamless sleep...or he could take his stronger sleeping pill, the one that put him out and kept him out for eight or nine hours at a time. He'd honestly just forgotten to take it when he'd crawled into bed last night, his head spinning from everything that had happened. Maybe that was a good thing, it didn't stop the dreams and he didn't want to be stuck under in the horrors he'd likely see once he returned to sleep. And then of course, he wouldn't be able to take it again for bed so soon, and even if he could did he really want to spend over 24 hours asleep and at the mercy of his own dreadful mind?

"I'll take some in a little bit..." John said. "I need some time to process...everything..."

"Okay," Thomas replied. "How about I bring you some food later? You want some Chinese?"

"sure..."

"Alright. Get some rest, and call me if you need anything, okay?" John squeezed his eyes shut as Thomas kissed the side of his head, an action he wanted to shove him away for but didn't. In the end, he realized Thomas was trying to help him feel better, he just didn't understand what John needed. So John burrowed further under his covers again and hoped this time when he went back to sleep the monsters in his mind wouldn't get him.

---

Alex awoke slowly, feeling better then he had last night. The bed beside him was empty, a usual occurrence when he spent the night at Benjamin's, but could smell the coffee brewing downstairs. He rolled over in the bed and stretched out his limbs then laid for a moment in the sea of comforters and pillows and warm, bright morning softness.

Any time he spent the night in Benjamin's house he tried to find a moment to just sit and be content there. He'd only ever lived in a house as nice as Benjamin's once before, and that had been for no more then about six months, before life had told him once again that he didn't deserve nice things like this. But fuck the unfairness of life, Alex was going to finish school, and work as a high paid lawyer, and own a very nice house exactly like this one day. He'd have his own bedroom with his own big comfy bed, and a big fancy master bathroom with a tub he could soak in for hours if he wanted. An office space so he could work from home on days that were too beautiful to spend in a corporate cubicle, with it's own little fancy coffee maker. He'd have a deck for entertaining, a yard for the children he'd have someday, two car garage for his and his spouse's matching vehicles. They'd have a beautiful kitchen and it would always have food, and his family would never go hungry. He could imagine it all so clearly, the birthdays for the children, the holiday parties and summertime bar-b-ques, the feeling of coming home, of just being home. He wanted it so bad, and he knew he would have it. Three more years. He'd have his house in about three more years, which meant he could start looking in two. The safety and security he'd have then, it would feel like this.

He finally sat up and pulled the covers off. Benjamin's house was never freezing, but it did feel a bit chilly in the room that morning. He quickly changed into the clothes he'd had on from last night and made the bed back up to the exact way Benjamin liked it. He'd take a shower when he got back to the dorm, and then it dawned on him that he'd been out all night and John might have been worried about him. He found his phone and checked for messages, disappointed when there were none from John. Or anyone, really. He figured he'd have heard something from Burr at least.

Alex collected his things and made his way downstairs, following the scent of coffee. As he got to the foot of the stairs, he thought he could hear talking from the kitchen. Odd, as he'd rarely been over when Benjamin had other guests, though not unheard of. He left his bag by the front door and walked down the foyer hallway to the kitchen, feeling an uneasy feeling that only grew when Benjamin saw him and quickly hushed the other men in the room. Alex recognized Aaron as he turned and nodded to Alex, but the two police officers were unknown to him. "What's going on?" he asked, already having a pretty good idea of what this was about.

"Alex, baby, come here," Aaron gestured for him to come closer. "Have a seat, we have something to tell you."

Alex did as he was asked, obediently and without question, looking between Aaron and Benjamin and the officers he was introduced to. Then he was told that the man he'd been talking to last night, the client who'd said he'd found him out, who knew that Lin Garland was actually Alexander Hamilton, had been shot and killed earlier that morning after a standoff with police. Alex blinked, trying to make sense of that, and Alex's confusion must have been evident because Aaron kept talking to Alex, telling Alex more to the story last night, only Alex couldn't hear the words. Everything felt surreal, too muffled, to bright. Alex saw Aaron touch Alex's arm but Alex didn't feel it. Nothing felt real again until an officer showed Alex a photo of a dead man, holding a gun too big for basic personal protection and riddled with bullet wounds to his chest. He cried out and looked away, jumping up from the seat he'd been in and heard Benjamin demand to stop the interview. Alex was being interviewed? Why? What was going on?

A calmness filled him suddenly, a strength that came within him that almost wasn't him. He felt more then heard something say they'd take care of it, calmly telling him to let them have control for a moment. Then Lin stood up a little straighter and turned around. "No," he said. "I need to know what happened. Please, let's continue." Lin moved back toward the chair Alex had been sitting in and calmly sat back down. He could feel Alex's discomfort with the gruesome photo laying in the table between himself and the officers, but he shushed Alex and leaned over to take a look. The police asked him he had known the man and Lin studied the face carefully. "Yes, I've seen him before," he glanced up to Aaron, his boss and friend. "He works as a security guard at your night club, doesn't he?"

"Well, he did," Aaron said. "Guess I have an open spot now..."

"Do you know his name?" an officer asked him. "Did you ever speak with him before?"

"A few times, briefly," Lin said, drawing on Alex's memories. "Just...passive things. The weather, a sports team...nothing that personal...I wouldn't say I knew him that well..."

"Well, he certainly seemed to know you." More pictures were slid across the table to Lin one by one and this time he had to take a long deep breath to keep Alex from screaming. They were photos of him, candid photos from the last week; a picture of him on a morning walk, that one meal he'd had with Eliza, waiting for a bus on his way to work. Stalker photos. "Seems he had a fixation on you, any idea why?"

"No," Lin said, his voice wavering. He couldn't stop the tears that filled his eyes, the one that escaped and rolled down his cheek. Alex couldn't go through with this again, Alex wanted to quit right there, right now. Lin told him to hush, the stalker was dead, they were okay. No it was NOT okay! A man was DEAD because of him! Alex screamed inside, he wanted out, he wanted to swear off The Company, he was going to quit, he was going to change, everything was going to change RIGHT NOW! But Lin wasn't going to let him go and do anything foolish like that. He calmly told Alex to be quiet, to sit down and shut up and let him handle it. Lin shook his head, pushed the photos away with shaking hands. "No, I don't know why he would fixate on me. I just...I serve drinks at the club, that's all."

"Maybe this is my fault," Aaron said, "I should have run a better background check when I was screening him."

"I doubt that would have made any difference," Benjamin said dryly.

"People don't change who they are," Aaron countered. "I could have found something that might have prevented this; maybe given us a clue that this man was preconditioned to stalking?"

"Not likely," the officer said as he collected the photos again. "Employment background checks rarely dig that deep. And there would be no way to know for sure if he hadn't done anything like this before."

"I think we have all that we need," the other officer was saying. "Seems like an open and shut case to me." He handed a card to Lin. "If you think of anything else you just give us a call."

"Okay," Lin said. "Thank you." A moment later the police left and Lin was left sitting at the table with Benjamin, Aaron standing beside him and petting his shoulder.

"How are you feeling, baby?" Aaron asked.

"You told me you screened everyone thoroughly," Lin said, looking up at his employer. "So what happened?"

Aaron shrugged. "I guess I didn't cross reference this one. He was hired on last year, as business was picking up. I needed the help."

"Last year?" Lin said, turning to face Aaron more fully. "That man? The one we just found was stalking me, who's dead now? He's been my client for a year. I'm a little concerned you could be this careless, Aaron."

"I know, baby, I'm sorry."

"I don't want to hear that you're sorry, Aaron, okay? I want you to take care of things so that shit like this doesn't happen! You told me I'd never have to worry about another stalker getting close to me, you told me I would be safe with you!"

"And you are! I took care of this, baby, don't you see that? He didn't take you, he didn't didn't even get a chance too. Alex, baby, I'm human." He ignored the way Benjamin lowly snorted at that, and turned Alex's head back toward him. "I made a mistake, I'm sorry. Please, let me make it up to you."

"I don't want to do personal sessions for a while," Lin said. "It's...it's just to easy for someone to think I'm really into them, I don't want to worry about that anymore."

"Done. I'll schedule you to do more live shows; what about movies? You said you hadn't had the energy since the personals took up so much of your focus. You could draw in a lot more revenue that way as well."

"Sure," Lin agreed. "Just...no working with amateurs. Strictly my co-workers only."

"Well, you'll have to come up with the scripts for those, but that's good for you because it'll give you a bigger cut."

"Fine." Lin sighed and stood up. "I'm not happy that this man is dead," he added. "This...it shouldn't have happened."

"Oh, I know," Aaron cooed at him. "But baby think of it this way, he can never hurt you now. And you won't spend any time looking over your shoulder for him."

"A man is dead," Lin snapped on behalf of Alex. "He never wanted that." Then he walked away, down the hall, back toward the front door and where Alex left nearly all his things. As Lin was pulling on his shoes, Benjamin calmly approached and leaned on the stair railing.

"you could always quit, you know," he said, his voice low.

"Don't want too," Lin said. "My body, my choice. This is how I want to sell it."

"It was only a suggestion." Benjamin approached and petting his hair. "Are you going to be okay?"

"I should have asked for some time off..." Lin sighed. "Maybe I just need a break."

"I'll do it for you. Does a week sound alright?"

"Sure."

"Where are you headed, son?"

"I'm gunna go back to my dorm, maybe study." Lin looked up at Benjamin and smiled softly. "Thanks, for letting me stay over."

Benjamin leaned over and kissed him on the forehead, then straightened and removed his hands from Alex's body. "Anytime."

---

By the time he'd gotten back to the dorm, Lin had let Alex have control again. Or at least, Alex felt more like himself. He'd stopped and got a bag of donuts, attempting to eat one on his way home, but only a few bites in and he realized he just wasn't into it. And then he felt worse, because he didn't want them to go to waste and he wasn't even sure if John liked donuts. As he opened the door to their dorm he was at first disappointed to see John's bed empty, tho it's mussed covers and lack of comforter told him he had been there. When he scanned the room he found John asleep in his bed, his blankets wrapped around him. It was nearly noon.

Alex approached the bed and laid a hand on John's shoulder, immediately getting the man to open his eyes and look up at him with a bit of a jolt, so Alex held both hands out to show he didn't mean to harm him. "Hey," he said gently.

"Hey," John said, sniffling and pulling his blanket tighter around himself.

"What happened to your face?" Alex asked, catching sight of a bruise barely visible on the side of his face that John had his head resting on.

"Rude," John said, rolling as if he could hide it now.

"You're hurt."

"It's nothing."

"Okay," Alex relented and looked up and down the length of his bed. "But can you tell me why you're in my bed?"

"Thomas slept over, and he insisted on sleeping in mine. I wasn't gunna sleep with him, soooo..."

Alex smirked, teasingly. "So you thought you'd make me sleep with you when I got home?"

"You weren't here," John replied, his eyes devoid of any joy. "I'll give it back if you need it right now."

"No, it's okay." Alex reached to pet John but stopped before doing so as he saw John flinch. "May I pet you? Would that be okay?"

"Why would you want to do that?"

"I feel like you could use some comfort right now. I was hoping I could give you some. But it's okay if you don't want to be touched."

"Actually...I think I might like that," John said.

"Okay, just tell me if you want me to stop," Alex replied. He carefully brushed the baby hairs away from John's face, following the curve of his head around back to the dip of his ponytail. Then he brought his hand back and slowly repeated the motion, humming softly as he counted freckles on John's face.

"Where were you?" John asked, the question muttered into his blanket. "Last night?"

"I stayed with a friend," Alex answered, blinking and feeling his eyes fill with tears. "Something happened last night that upset me a great deal. I lost...I lost someone last night..."

"I'm sorry," John said, his own voice breaking and he hid his face behind the cover.

"It's not your fault," Alex said, remembering what John told him he thought he did for a living. Alex's tears got worse. "It...happens sometimes...we can't save everyone, right? I did what I could, but I...I can't save everyone...I'm only human, right?"

"Maybe he didn't want to be saved," John muttered through the blankets. "Maybe he just wanted someone to know that..."

"Maybe," Alex said. "John, can I...can I ask if it's alright to lay with you for a while?"

"Why would you want to do that?"

"I just want to be held for a bit," Alex pulled away and wiped at his own tears. "I'm sorry, that's stupid, huh? You're upset about something and I'm trying to make you comfort me, like it's your job, that's...pretty dickish of me. Sorry, you don't have too..." But John scooted back across the bed and opened the comforter, inviting Alex to climb in next to him. So Alex did. John put his arm around him and with it the blanket enveloped them both. "thank you," Alex breathed between them, reaching to continue petting John's hair with his own hands. "thank you so much."

"it's okay," John whispered back to him. He ran his hand in a circle around Alex's back, feeling the other male shudder with his own emotional breaking. "it's okay," he repeated, hoping it gave Alex comfort, hoping it was true. "you're okay now...we're okay now..." He hated hearing Alex cry quietly next to him, knowing he was the one who'd caused it, somehow. He'd never meant to hurt him, he'd never meant to make him suffer. He wanted to ask Alex what had happened on his side of things, John wanted to tell him how he'd gotten the bruise on his face, he wanted to come clean and confess everything right there, but one thought kept his mind in check the whole time. He moved his hand out from under the pillow, behind Alex's head were he couldn't see John's phone screen with the running live video of their dorm room, of them in bed together, under the covers as Alex cried.

Don't ever forget John, a text message came through on the phone he'd long ago put on silent. I will be watching your every single move from now on.

END CHAPTER