Night had descended when they returned to the ground. After bidding their birds farewell – Kira had felt the need to give Shikamaru a tight hug that he did not appreciate – the two shinobi started to walk back to The Lodge. Shikamaru was muttering underneath his breath about the unfair treatment he had received while Neji listened in amusement. Shikamaru shot him a strained look, which would have been funny if Neji hadn't detected the lines of fatigue marring his features. Not wanting to call Shikamaru out on it, Neji gave him a faint smile.

"I'm glad my suffering amuses you."

"You exaggerate, Nara."

"You're making light the torture inflicted on me."

"Oh, yes, I apologise. That hugging must have hurt."

"A lot. It's like your Gentle Fist – not so gentle."

"Truly."

Shikamaru let out a snort at the sarcastic tone and turned his head away from Neji. His eyes caught the grass field, and he was blindsided by the intensity of the clash of emotions that plundered his heart suddenly. He glanced over at Neji. The Hyuuga was expressionless, but Shikamaru recognised it for the unguarded peacefulness it was rather than the stoic calm that the other usually wore.

Even after everything, do you still trust me?

Shikamaru felt his heart twinging painfully at the thought, especially considering his most recent actions. He really didn't want to have to go back to The Lodge soon. If anything, he wanted to take these few moments, freeze them, and capture them in a snow globe that looped this time frame infinitely. When it was just the two of them, everything was simpler.

Even after everything, do I still trust you?

A pause, as the truth came over him as gently as the moonlight cast over them.

Even after everything, I still want to trust you.

Which was stupid and infinitely scarier than anything Shikamaru had ever faced before in his life. He was a strategist, and he was supposed to be smart. He was supposed to learn from his mistakes and take measured steps and preventative actions to ensure he didn't fall for the same trick. But that was exactly the problem, wasn't it? For all that Neji had done – to him, in spite of him – Shikamaru still couldn't determine whether what – if any of it, if all of it – was smoke from fire and what was just a smokescreen. There was thin line between the two, just a barest hint that would tell truths from lies, but that line was hard to pinpoint and even harder to cross when Shikamaru had to rip though his heart in order to even get there in the first place.

Shikamaru turned to his side and caught Neji's eye. There it was again – that brief, faint smile that didn't touch Neji's eyes, like clouds on a sunny day that the sun couldn't touch no matter how far its rays spread. Shikamaru's eyes softened, Neji turned away, and the abyss that opened up in Shikamaru's chest gaped so wide and deep that he wasn't sure he'd be able to pull himself out of it if he fell into it.

"Hey, wanna sit for a bit?"

The words slipped out before Shikamaru could catch them and process them with his logic and rationality, before he could calculate all the different disastrous scenarios those words could lead to. His breath caught on his next inhale when Neji paused in his tracks, and it was only when Neji nodded that Shikamaru was able to breathe easy again. The hole in his chest stitched up like he had used the kagenui on it. Shikamaru bandaged it with logic and rationale, telling himself that he only wanted some spare moments with Neji because of the guilt of having betrayed the Hyuuga. He wanted to right his wrongs. That was all to it.

They stepped off the path and naturally gravitated to the exact same spot they sat just a few months ago. It hadn't even been that long ago, but everything was so different now. They were so different now. That was before everything had begun to go downhill, before Shikamaru had known what loss truly felt like. And maybe it was because of that experience of losing something so dear to his heart that he didn't want to let this go.

But he didn't know what this was.

With everything that had passed between him and Neji, the chasm between them gaped as wide as the distance from the shore to the horizon. Yet, despite the aching space, he had never felt closer to anyone. Despite everything, in that moment, he realised that he never wanted anything more than to touch Neji, to hold him, to know that he was still there.

Yet, at the same time, losing Asuma also showed him exactly why he couldn't afford to fail. Granted it was the lack of knowledge about Hidan and Kakuzu that had dealt Asuma the fatal blow, but that had been a rare exception. They usually don't go in totally blind, and Shikamaru had to ensure that he was quick enough to gather all the clues and piece them together into a strategic puzzle so that he could see the full picture and protect his comrades.

And Neji was a reminder that even when all the pieces were right in front of him, he could still be so blind and not see them, much less piece them together.

Shikamaru squeezed his eyes shut.

Damn you, Hyuuga. Was ANBU worth this? Or is it the case that this has never meant anything to you at all?

Shikamaru's eyes opened with a release of a deep breath. He felt a prickling along his neck and turned to find Neji watching him openly. Their eyes locked, obsidian cutting into the smooth surface of the moon, and the corner of Neji's mouth twitched up almost condescendingly as if he had read all the thoughts in Shikamaru's heads.

"Tired, Nara?" Neji asked, and that question could be construed in so many different ways that Shikamaru felt like he actually needed some time to himself just to work out what that question meant, which just fueled his sense of lacking. For the moment, though, he pushed that consuming thought aside and stared at Neji as he thought about the question.

Physically tired? From just that day or from the whole mission thus far? Mentally tired? From having to piece apart everything Neji said only to have to piece them back together again with no hope of being closer to the truth? Tired of being sad over Asuma? Tired of contemplating how he was just lacking in everything? Tired of the damaged compass in his heart that spun in whatever direction Neji was heedless of the direction the rationality of his brain provided? Tired of trying to figure out exactly what this thing between them was? Tired of the fact that for all that he was a shadow user, he could never touch the shadow that was Neji? Tired of the fact that he wasn't enough? Tired of the fact that he didn't even know what the hell he was even thinking about right now?

Shikamaru startled as he felt Neji's hands caging his face gently. He hadn't even realised that his eyes had slipped shut as those questions attacked him from all directions. He made to open his eyes but kept them shut instead as he felt a warm sensation surrounding his head, coaxing the thoughts away and leaving only a pleasant buzz behind. Shikamaru leaned into Neji's touch, a soundless sigh escaping his lips.

"Be here, Shikamaru," Neji said, his breath grazing Shikamaru's lips gently. "Be here."

Shikamaru's eyes fluttered open slowly. He blinked once, twice, before staring into pale eyes that he felt like he could drown in. This close, he didn't see the sad smile that pulled across Neji's face. All he registered was the moonlit orbs and soft breathing that his own breaths had fallen in sync with. In that moment, for the first time since Asuma's death, Shikamaru felt grounded and in the present.

"I'm here," Shikamaru whispered, his breath a scant inch from Neji's lips. "But where are you, Neji?"

It didn't surprise Shikamaru that Neji pulled away instead of responding. The moment Neji's fingertips left his temples so did the warmth that surrounded Shikamaru. Surprisingly, his head also felt a lot lighter, and he realised that part of the warmth he had felt had been chakra that Neji had used to sooth open the strained blocked in his nerves. It was that moment of sharp clarity that Shikamaru hadn't even noticed he had missed that allowed him to catch the shadow of conflict in Neji's eyes before it gutted out like a flame in an airtight room. He expected hostility, a deflection, so what Neji said next shocked him.

"Chasing ghosts," Neji murmured so quietly that Shikamaru had to strain to hear him despite the relative silence around them.

The words snagged Shikamaru's breath, and he disguised it with a cough, though his efforts would appear to be in vain. Neji didn't seem to register Shikamaru's reaction. He wasn't even looking at him, his eyes casted over the field, watching but not really looking. Shikamaru was transported back to the night of Hanabi's birthday where Neji had gazed at a place Shikamaru had no hopes of accessing. In that moment, he felt as helpless as he had done that night.

"What ghosts?"

Neji offered him a ghost of a smile in return, though the refusal to answer was clear in them. Shikamaru wanted to push him, but something warned him off doing so, and so he was left to guess an answer based on the floating pieces that he had.

Ghosts? Was Neji making a reference to ANBU? Shikamaru had heard how ANBU operatives were basically living ghosts – people whose souls had long since passed over but had their bodies tethered to the world of the living. Or was Neji being more literal and… talking about his father?

The answer smacked Shikamaru in the face so hard he almost jolted back.

Revenge. Neji had mentioned revenge. Ghosts. Revenge. Shikamaru frowned. Was joining ANBU Neji's revenge then?

Shikamaru sighed deeply, the sound drawing Neji's attention back onto him. He caught Neji's eyes and held his gaze. Neji beat him to talking.

"Why do you even care, Nara?"

Shikamaru's mouth curved into a smile, and he shrugged. "I just do."

"Doesn't sound very logical and rational, Nara."

"You told me to be here, and when I'm here, I'm not there." Shikamaru tilted his head to let Neji know what he meant – that he wasn't in his head. If he wasn't in his head, how was he to be logical?

"Nara –"

"When I'm with you," Shikamaru interrupted, his voice pitched low, his gaze pitched straight ahead, "I'm here."

Neji was silent, and Shikamaru knew that he wouldn't be able to figure out what Neji was thinking from the expression, or rather, the lack of expression on his face either, so he didn't bother to turn. Instead, he kept his eyes in front of him.

"When I'm here," Shikamaru trailed off slightly as his gaze swept across the grass field, a blurred shadow of Neji flowing across the area as he handled the band in graceful turns dancing across his vision, "I don't think. I don't analyse. I don't know what logic or rationality is. I'm not ten steps ahead." A derisive laughter. "I can't even see my fingers if they were stretched out in front of me, much less what my next step is. It should scare me, and it usually does. But when I'm here, it doesn't. And maybe that scares me most of all."

"Shikamaru." Neji whispered his name on a broken sigh, and it was the uncharacteristic display of emotion that had Shikamaru turning his head. Neji had his eyes closed, and he swallowed visibly before he spoke again. "Don't be so nice to me. You'll regret it."

"Don't be so nice to me."

"You'll ruin everything."

"I want to trust you."

"You'll regret it."

"Wasn't it that I would ruin everything?" Shikamaru asked.

Neji inhaled sharply at that, and Shikamaru knew that he had hit the heart of the matter spot on. He clearly remembered the day Neji had said those words to him. Neji hadn't been himself at all that day. And, with striking clarity that came in the darkness of the night, Shikamaru realised that Neji couldn't have possibly faked his reaction that day, despite his claims that he was merely putting on an act. With Asuma's death came a lot of things that Shikamaru had never known or understood before. And one of the things he had learnt was that when death touches someone, it was impossible for them to hide their true feelings, no matter how good an actor they were. Shikamaru just hadn't known what to look for back then. Now, having been through the same thing, he understood it for what it was.

"You said that I would ruin everything by being nice to you. Wasn't it because I was pulling at the strings of your conscience? What you still have but wanted so desperately to get rid of?"

Neji eyed him evenly. "And what makes you think that I haven't gotten rid of it by now?"

"I don't know, but maybe I've realised that having preconceived notions is wrong."

Neji's jaw locked tight. Maybe it wasn't all that fair of Shikamaru to use this against Neji. But for all that Shikamaru was a lazy person, he was also a fast learner. Once he picked up something, he didn't just throw that knowledge away. In some sense, perhaps it was the same as Neji not wanting to make the same mistakes twice, just packaged differently.

"Maybe, Nara," Neji drawled, his words slow and deliberate, "you just need to put the pieces together and not assume recklessly, like a good strategist should."

That was a cheap shot and a personal attack, one that Shikamaru hadn't expected given the open honesty of their conversation so far.

And it made Shikamaru angry.

"Beats running away."

Neji's eyes flashed, anger breaking the still calmness. "If I recall correctly, it is you who has the propensity to run."

"At least I don't deny that." Shikamaru waited a moment before tilting his head. "You might not have the inclination to pick flight over fight, but that just makes your running away all the more significant, doesn't it?"

Neji scoffed. "I don't run from anything, Nara. Unlike you, I'm not a coward who runs away from fear."

"Oh, so you run towards it then? Do you think that makes you brave, Hyuuga? Sorry to break it to you, but all it makes you is stupid."

The anger dropped from Neji's eyes, replaced by an icy sheen of calmness that Shikamaru had come to know was more dangerous than the anger. Neji hummed softly before levelling Shikamaru with a look layered with condescension and derision.

"You're the expert, of course, seeing how you went against the Hokage's orders to go after two Akatsuki members." Shikamaru's jaw locked and his eyes tightened with controlled ire. Neji didn't stop. "Let's forget about the fact that Kakashi and Naruto were there for a second and instead on the part where you only intended to take Ino and Chouji with you. Three Chuunins against two S-class criminals? Real smart, Nara."

Shikamaru gritted his teeth, eyes narrowed. "I did what I had to."

"I'm a little confused. Which part are you talking about exactly? The bit where you disobeyed Godaime-sama or the one where you were essentially walking yourself and your teammates into Asuma's grave to keep him company?"

Shikamaru snapped, lunging off his seat and swinging his fist at Neji, primitive and raw instead of his usual strategic movements. For his part, Neji simply caught Shikamaru's fist with his chakra-enhanced hand before pushing Shikamaru backwards. The Nara landed on his back with a thump and used the momentum to hop onto his feet. Neji had stood as well and was eyeing Shikamaru with a critical look a few feet away.

"Are you trying to re-enact the actions you took that night?" Neji asked before tilting his head. "Reckless and impulsive, I mean."

Shikamaru moved instead of responding. Veering left, Shikamaru clocked Neji's eyes watching him before he casted his shadows to the right. Neji moved towards Shikamaru but kicked himself off the ground to land behind the Nara instead. Shikamaru let out a soft 'tch' under his breath.

"The first move is always a feint," Neji murmured slowly. "I think I told Naruto that once. Did you think I wouldn't have seen your shadows coming without my Byakugan?"

The implication was clear – Neji didn't think Shikamaru a serious enough opponent to use his bloodline limit, at least not immediately. It served to emphasise Neji's point about Team 10 taking on Akatsuki without the Hyuuga having to actually verbalise it.

Shikamaru's eyes flashed, and his shadows surged forward from around him, reaching for Neji like vines. Neji spun into the Kaiten, deflecting the shadows easily. As he slowed to a stop, Shikamaru made use of the residue light from the rotation to launch his attack, letting his shadows slip into the gaps to reach his target. A shadow struck Neji through his left shoulder blade, and Shikamaru's heart gave a lurch that quickly gave way back to anger when the shadow clone disappeared in a puff of smoke. Shikamaru caught movement at the corner of his eyes and barely managed to sidestep Neji.

The Hyuuga had his Byakugan activated now and pressed his foot into the ground to halt his movement before kicking off to advance on Shikamaru again. Shikamaru was forced on the defensive as Neji began to attack viciously. Neji was trying to force him back away from the area covered by the moonlight so that he wouldn't be able to use his shadows. Slipping on purpose, Shikamaru let one of Neji's hits strike his chest. The waver of hesitation in Neji's eyes was all Shikamaru needed to land a sweep kick, knocking Neji off his feet. Pre-empting the fact that Neji would attempt to backflip away from landing onto his back, Shikamaru wrapped a shadow arm around Neji's wrist and pulled.

Neji let out a hiss as his balance was swept from under him. He landed on his back and made to get up, but Shikamaru was on him before he could make his move, replacing the shadow hand with his own as he pinned Neji beneath his weight. Shikamaru knew that Neji could knock him off easily so he attached his shadow to the Hyuuga's, locking Neji in the shadow possession.

Neji opened his mouth to say something but Shikamaru beat him to it, his voice pitched to a low growl. "Why are you always like this?" Neji snapped his mouth shut and glared at Shikamaru. "Why do you always have to…" Shikamaru trailed off, suddenly unsure of what he had intended to say.

Why do you always have to push me away from you?

Shikamaru's eyes narrowed at the thought, and he shoved it away, the wheels in his mind turning to push logic and clarity at the forefront before anger had ploughed through them.

"Running away from the conversation, Hyuuga? You once told me I used deflection as a tactic to run away from the real issue. Aren't you the same?"

"Calling me a hypocrite, Nara?"

"Except that you aren't because you've never denied adopting the same tactic to run away from issues you don't want to confront."

Neji's jaw tightened but he offered nothing in reply.

"What would I ruin, Hyuuga? What ghosts are you chasing?"

Neji's expression closed off, and Shikamaru felt his anger ebbing away as it was replaced by a flame infinitely more consuming. Shikamaru raised his hand, Neji's hand mirroring his actions, causing the Hyuuga to shoot him a wary look. Shikamaru grazed his knuckles against Neji's cheek, feeling the ghost of Neji's touch on his skin in return. Something cut through the ice in Neji's eyes but his expression froze right back up before Shikamaru could catch it.

Like clouds that move on by.

Shikamaru let the shadow possession go. Neji's hand remained his skin. Whether it was because Neji was unaware that Shikamaru had let the jutsu go or whether it was because he left it there on his own free will, Shikamaru did not know. He leaned in closer.

"You told me to be here," he said, voice pitched low and uncharacteristically soft, "So why can't you be here?"

Neji let out a soft exhale, indiscernible except for the breath that touched Shikamaru's lips, causing an unexpected but pleasant shiver to run down his spine.

"Be here, Neji," Shikamaru murmured.

As always, thoughts, rationality, and logic exited Shikamaru's brain as he closed the scant distance between them, pressing his lips against Neji's. The touch lasted but a brief second, and Shikamaru found himself being pitched backwards as Neji's hand slammed into his chest. Hard. Shikamaru used a hand to push himself into a sitting position, his other hand rubbing his sore chest. Neji had actually used chakra this time, and Shikamaru would have been offended if it wasn't for the look of pure rage on Neji's face. If Neji had been angry before, it was nothing compared to the storm raging in his eyes that had clouded over to a murky grey.

Shikamaru winced inevitably as rational thoughts quickly caught up with him, slamming him in the back. Right. Just because Neji hadn't set him on his ass the previous two times he pulled this off did not actually mean the Hyuuga was fine with them. There was also the fact that Neji had been – for a lack of a better phrase – out of it the last few times.

"Neji –"

Shikamaru's attempted apology was interrupted as Neji asked harshly, "Are you not with the Suna Ambassador now?" The question left Shikamaru stupefied and he could only stare at Neji blankly, a reaction that only served to anger the Hyuuga further. "Don't you dare lie to me, Nara."

"What are you talking about?" Shikamaru spluttered, logic and rationality once again exiting his mind as panic swiftly took over.

Why was Neji bringing Temari of all people up? How did she figure into all of this? Shikamaru was genuinely confused, but Neji didn't seem to believe it. The Hyuuga's lips thinned, but Shikamaru could do little but stare at him in return, sure that whatever words that came out of his mouth would only be oil on fire. Neji didn't seem like he wanted to explain anything, but Shikamaru's patience eventually won out.

"The party after the Chuunin Exams," Neji said in an even tone, though the look in his eyes were accusatory. "Tenten and I saw you kissing."

Shikamaru blanched as he remembered exactly what Neji was talking about. It was something that he had never hoped to visit again, especially with Neji of all people. Also, wait a moment. People actually saw that? Temari was going to kill him.

All that Shikamaru could manage was a pathetic, "What?"

Neji's eyes flashed dangerously.

"Don't you dare deny it, Nara."

"I'm not denying it! I just didn't know people actually saw that!"

Obviously, that was the wrong thing to say, because Neji looked like he was about to close off all sixty-four of Shikamaru's tenketsu. The Nara shuffled an inconspicuous step back, his eyes locked on the Hyuuga carefully as he readied himself to call upon his shadow jutsu if need be.

"So it's just something you do now? Go around kissing people?" Neji snapped.

"No! That thing with Temari… god, that was –"

"An accident?" Neji cut in caustically, his tone mocking.

"A mistake," Shikamaru corrected firmly. He couldn't gauge Neji's reaction, and he repeated the words in a softer tone. "It was a mistake, Neji. Temari and I, we're not together in any sense of the word."

Neji still looked like he was going to attack Shikamaru anyway, but Shikamaru held his stare evenly, and Neji eventually let his arms fall to his sides. He looked away with an audible sigh. "Whatever, Nara."

Deciding to take his chances, Shikamaru asked, "Why were you so worked up anyway? Were you –" He broke off immediately at the venomous glare Neji shot him and raised his arms defensively. "Nothing, nothing. Let's just forget about this."

Neji turned away with a scoff. When he spoke again, he was purely in business mode. "Let's return The Lodge; we've been away for too long."

Shikamaru nodded, completely fine with the professional demeanour that Neji decided to adopt given what had just happened. Any other time and he would have pressed on with the conversation. But even someone as emotionally retarded as him (Ino's words, not his) knew when to let the matter drop. Besides, he and Neji had finally reached an agreement after all that tension and suspicion. Shikamaru was well aware it only came about because of his overwhelming desire to want things to go back to normal with Neji. But he wasn't dumb, and he knew what that meant, and he was sure that Neji did too.

Because they had come to the agreement so quickly without actually addressing any of the issues that had led them to that state of conflict seriously, it was a precarious agreement that would break under the slightest pressure; in this case, anything that either one of them might say to the other in the heat of the moment. When Neji had brought up Asuma so callously, Shikamaru had been all but ready to call it quits for real. Yet, there was still something holding him back. What it was, he did not know. But it was powerful enough that he was still willing to forgive Neji as long as the Hyuuga didn't push him too far.

And he was aware that it was only a matter of time before that happened. If Neji didn't say something that rubbed Shikamaru the wrong way, then Shikamaru was sure that he would do something that would make Neji rethink their truce. After all, there were too many unresolved issues between them, and those things didn't just go away because Shikamaru wanted them to. He wanted to talk to Neji properly, to clarify all these things floating between them, causing the chasm between them to stretch wider and wider. Yet, Neji was clearly unwilling to talk to him about any of those matters. So it seemed that they were doomed to be eternally at each other's throats despite the uneasy peace they had arrived at. Shikamaru just hoped that it lasted longer than it did the previous time.

The walk back to their residences was made in silence, and Neji merely nodded at him when they parted without so much as a word of parting. Shikamaru watched him walk away, a sigh on his lips.

Hyuuga, do you have to be so fucking stubborn all the damn time?