18: Daring
"Darling," You say softly, tiredly, sat on the couch of your office at half past one, phone pressed to your ear. "Think you could come take me home?"
Her answer comes in the form of whipping wind and you hum appreciatively before hanging up and placing your phone beside you, letting your head fall to rest on the top of the couch, closing your eyes for a moment knowing she'll come sweeping in soon.
You've been at Luthor Corp for the past few days, alternating between supervising your team, crafting the presentations yourself and poring over the numbers, and you haven't seen her since.
"SuperAir at your service," She finally says in front of you, no more than a whisper, smiling softly at you. She's an absolute sight for sore eyes, a little ray of sunshine in red and blue, her hair a golden halo.
"Hi..." You say, smiling at her.
She keeps smiling, crossing her arms over her chest. "Lena Luthor done saving the world the world this week?"
"Three projects safe for the next twelve months." You groan. "But I couldn't get enough votes on the evapotranspiration tech we've been working on. I can't get a prototype ready in time so Lex gets to siphon the funding for that for... Border defense." It disgusts you, it does, but you've already got so much on your plate that you know you can't touch it.
Kara's smile doesn't waver despite the topic at hand, she merely looks at you silently, that sweet smile on her lips. Wind filters in through the open windows and you let out a soft sigh as the fresh cold air hits your face, seemingly alleviating some of the pounding in your head.
You'd gotten the memo about the re-evaluation of Luthor Corp projects three nights ago and you'd immediately rushed to the office and pulled every available file on hand as well as calling in your various R & D teams tasked with your projects. You'd checked and discovered with no difficulty at all that Lex had tabled only your green projects and was calling for a vote of dissolution of them in 48 hours. It had taken you great self control not to march into his office and throttle him with your bare hands for the juvenile stunts he's trying to pull, but you manage when you realize that that is precisely what he's doing, getting you back for turning him down and not running the company for him, drastically cutting down his time chasing after his little obsessions.
So play you did, hitting the curve balls as viciously as he'd thrown them threatening to take his own head. Lex is a menace. A smart one, but you hadn't been twiddling your thumbs the past three years he'd been feigning incarceration and still chasing after his Super-obsession. You'd been running the company, your company, a company you had been rebuilding, and you're no longer a naive, idealistic, fledgling, twenty-four year old CEO. You've grown a lot in the past years and despite the insecurities and doubts your brother inevitably brings out in you, Kara's unwavering belief in you has given you the support you've needed for years. She's the steel running through your veins, her warmth and love your life blood, your inspiration.
For the longest time, you'd thought that redeeming your family name was what you were there for, smarting from guilt and pain so deep for injustices committed, lives taken, and families broken. And you know you should be glad that there's no need to redeem the Luthor name anymore, no need to rebrand, no more shadows of hatred chasing you every which way you turn. Lex has done what you'd wanted to do for years, make the Luthor name synonymous with good, the very name he himself had tarnished, and all so brilliantly that had it not been for J'onn and the rest of the paragons, nary a soul would have ever known that wasn't always the case.
But you do remember. You do know. And now that there's no more name to redeem, no more visible wrongs to right in the eye of the public, you realize that your goals and dreams have not changed in the slightest. Redeeming your name was always truly only ever going to be a minor goal because of course, who the hell wants to be hated by the world for things they hadn't even had a hand in doing, but the main has always been to make the world better, to counter-act the damage humans have caused to the planet over the centuries and keep the earth a viable place to live in long after you yourself have expired. That, you've realized in the past months is your true raison d'etre. And you know that makes you good, in Kara's eyes, in the eyes of the family you're building, in perhaps every other person's opinion, but really, it's beginning to matter significantly less to you what everyone else thinks because you know how easy it is to lose it all.
"Aren't you going to give me a proper hello, darling?" You whisper, your eyes boring into hers.
She bites her lip, seeming to think for a moment before shaking her head. "Think I'm good." She says to you, hedging on flippant but the undercurrent of seriousness is palpable. "Just... Basking for now."
"Basking?" You laugh. "Basking in what?"
"You." It's said so simply, so matter-of-factly, but it makes your heart flutter, that one word.
She's quiet for a minute and so are you, doing just that - basking in each other's presence. When she speaks again her voice is soft but rough and you fight the urge to walk up to her and sink into her arms.
"Three days is too long, Lena." She says firmly.
And your heart clenches painfully with guilt. You can explain to her how Lex had tried to undercut you and you'd had to make sure you weren't going to lose your projects because despite your worries about this earth, the current reality you're now living in, you can't risk all this being permanent and not having given everyone the best chance not only of survival for generations to come but of a much better quality of life as well. You can tell her that, tell her how you split your time between continuing to mend and build your friendships and family, developing your officially sanctioned research projects , developing your secret Supergirl tech, all while trying to stay abreast of your brother's possible offensive tracks, and still make it home for dinner with her almost every night. But you don't. Because she's right. After everything you have all gone through, after everything you have both lost, three days is too long. A day is too long. An hour. A minute. A second. Everything is too long when you remember all you've lost and especially with everything you can still lose. You had lost a whole earth in a day, you had lost her and she had lost you.
And the success of the planet may be your raison d'etre, but you doubt your heart would ever beat again for you to even have a reason for being if you lost her.
"It is." You respond, the pain you've stuffed in boxes the past few days coming out and crashing into you in waves. "I'm sorry."
"I know how important all of this is to you... It's important to me too." She says finally moving and sitting on the couch as well, though she sits on the other end away from you. "I fly in and save the lives of individual people every day. But you, Lena... You're going to save this whole WORLD."
Her words wrap you in a bubble of warmth licking at your edges, seeking permission to be let in. You let it fill you, her words, her warmth, her faith and belief in you. You let it wash over you, tendrils of hope and optimism for a future you so desperately want to give everyone in your world. But it's not enough. It's been three days and it's not enough.
"I'm sorry, Kara." You say again, trying to calm your racing heart at the emptiness creeping in. Her hand reaches for yours and this time you don't fight it, you haul your bone-tired self to your feet and sink into her.
She gives a surprised squeak but her arms immediately encircle you and you feel the cold emptiness abate at the mere feel of her.
"Hmm," She hums, a soft kiss to the back of your neck. "This is basking too."
You snort. "You weren't just basking, you were getting ready to lecture."
"Lecture? You? I'd never!"
You lift your head to look into her eyes but you're drawn to the smile on her lips, and then just her lips. Three days is too long, much much too long.
The feel of her lips against yours makes the world shift and then still. There's a quietness, a calm, a comfort, a peace you've been lacking since you left less than a handful of days ago.
"Help me fix it," You tell her when you pull away, resting your head against hers. "Help me figure out how to not let this happen again."
"Let me see you, Lee." She whispers hotly against you. "This could be our one chance."
And you think you know what she's saying. It's starting to sink in, the very real possibility that all this is permanent, that you can't just bide your time until reality rights itself again. And you hate it even when you shouldn't because you have nothing to prove anymore. It doesn't matter that you're a Luthor anymore. No one thinks you're a demon from hell anymore. But you hate it. You hate that this world isn't safe, that KARA isn't safe. No one is safe from your brother because you know that he's not so much biding his time as he is getting his ducks in a row before bringing the world to its knees. Again.
"We can't let him set the terms for us." She continues. "I'm not saying we antagonize him, I don't care enough about him to even want to. But you, Lena..." She breathes in deeply and her eyes close as she trails off.
"I don't know what I'd do if I lost you." You tell her quietly. Her eyes open again, gazing into yours. "I know he's going to try, Kara. And I'd sooner kill him again than lose you."
She's quiet and you know she hears the truth in your words, sees it in your eyes. "This isn't our fight. It's his and it's Clark's. But that well has been poisoned and he's going to go after you. And you have to know he's going to use me to get to you."
Her grip on you tightens and you see a fire form in her eyes. "I won't let him hurt you."
"And can't bear it if he hurts you." You tell her firmly. "But he will. He'll hurt you, Kara. And it will break me."
You bury the burgeoning fear that rears its massive ugly head at even just a hint of Kara in danger. It's not a night of fear but a night of dark truths.
"If this is our one chance, darling," You tell her breathlessly, "If this all we're going to get then we have to be smarter than him. We have to be stronger, and better, and braver. Because I won't lose you. I won't, Kara. Do you understand that?"
You wait for her to nod. You need her to follow because it's deathly important that she does. "You lost the multiverse and Lex bargained and gained a whole universe and turned it into his playground. That's what we're dealing with."
"Lee..." She whines lightly suddenly breaking the heavy darkness. "I know. I was there."
And you laugh. You rub your nose against hers and sigh softly. "How are you not worried about him?"
"Because I have you." She responds, her head tilting, as though confused by the question. "When I have you... Everything else is... Less."
She cups your jaw, caressing it with the pad of her thumb. "I know the dangers. I know you can try and prepare for all the possible eventualities, try to pick the ones with the highest potential and be ready to defend against that. But Lena... Worlds got wiped out. Whole worlds. And you're here. Rao. You're here with me. And I'm not going to waste that time, I'm not going to squander a moment I can have you by being cautious about not pissing off a psychopathic genius."
She presses a quick kiss to your lips before continuing, pleading with you to see. "Let me take care of you. Let me love you the way I always have."
And you know what that feels like. The love Kara means. It's the warmth of a fire on a cold winter's night, the light drizzle at noon on a sweltering summer day. It's the vibrant pinks and oranges of the setting sun, a swallow's first song. It's the waves lapping and tickling your feet, it's the first snow of the season, flakes and flurries in an ethereal glow.
"I don't want to put you and anyone else in danger." You add, it's true but you know it's weak and she'll simply bust through it, but you say it anyway because it isn't any less true.
"If this is our one chance, I want to love you for as much of it as possible."
"I thought you said forever?"
"Always." She promises. "You and I... We'll turn all these possibilities into forever."
Steelwing, I'm glad it was fluffy enough! Oh no no, I'm writing a bit out of order but posting in order. It's why I can't post everything I have immediately as soon as they're written. For example I planned fluff for a certain chapter and then after writing it decided I need two more emotional chapters before it first. So like, I promise I'm not making you guys wait for the chapters just for no reason. I'm just making sure things make sense cos stuff like that happens to me, deciding something needs to happen before a scene that's already been written.
I promise they are not yet 'at least engaged.' I have mini-breakdowns (ugh, Maggie/Alex/Kelly, why did I do this, I didn't know the emotionality of it would actually bleed into Kara and Lena but it just kinda happened cos I melted when I thought of how Kara would react to just any hint Lena being in the middle of the impending danger they will inevitably face, and then how Lena would feel putting herself in Kelly's shoes, etc.) and fluff— both mini-breakdowns and fluff that'll make you go "Oh they gotta be enagaged NOW! You can't say that and not be." I love how you're thinking it cos I've been thinking it too, I just went through what I have for chapter 22 and it's still not quite it but so so close. But right now they're just emotional and in love and are very vocal about it. Because it's only been about a handful of months since Crisis and they know full well how things can fall apart in an instant, and how things in the past have fallen apart with little to no notice. So they have to make sure how they feel is clear, that there's no more hiding, no room for doubt. So whatever happens, the other knows.
I gotta learn to stop giving things away but I'm just so psyched! I'm trying to write Lex but I'm too excited right now. Always so much fun discussing things with you!