Special thanks to Flixswitch135, who requested this idea! (I can't say it here because it'll give away what this one-shot's about)
General Weenobi (Interlude)
It ain't easy being the caretaker
It was another ordinary morning for the commander of the 212th Attack Battalion, Cody. A new day, a new set of orders, a new adventure with his ever-respectable general, Obi-Wan Kenobi.
He made his way across the halls of HQ, towards the meeting room where Obi-Wan was. But something felt odd. Yes, something was felt very off as he got closer and closer to the door.
"General Kenobi, what's the overview—"
Cody stopped midsentence upon entering the room.
Standing across from him in front of the table, was Obi-Wan. Or at least it was someone who resembled Obi-Wan. A clean-shaven, younger, shorter Obi-Wan.
This clean-shaven, younger, shorter, Obi-Wan lookalike, stared up at Cody. "Not. A. Word. Commander."
Cody found his voice. "General…Kenobi…?"
"Yes," little Obi-Wan replied harshly. "Quit staring."
But Cody continued to stare.
It wasn't easy sneaking Obi-Wan out of the meeting room in a laundry bag, but Cody did it. He brought them to a quiet hangar at the back of HQ, where he called the rest of the 212th to meet at.
"Alright, commander. What's this emergency you called us here for?" One of the clones asked.
Cody glanced around. Sure enough, everyone was here. "I need everyone to swear they won't laugh."
"We swear," the entire battalion answered in unison. They just wanted to know what's going on.
"Alright. Here's the emergency." Cody opened the laundry bag in front of him and out stepped little Obi-Wan. "Oh, and no staring either."
But it was too late. The 212th battalion was frozen, their eyes glued to the tiny lookalike of their general. Obi-Wan knew the warning beforehand was futile. He tried not to let his men's expression get to him.
"You can speak, you know?" Obi-Wan chastised his men.
"Wait…you're really General Kenobi?" A clone from the back asked.
"Yes, he is," Cody answered for him.
"How did this happen?" Another clone asked incredulously.
"I'd like to know too," Obi-Wan crossed his arms.
"Could this be Force magic?" One of the clones in the front asked his buddy.
"No! The Force isn't magic!" Obi-Wan retorted. "And it doesn't do unnatural…things like this!"
"Well, it could and the Jedi just haven't discovered it yet."
"Yeah! If they can see visions of the future why can't they revert to themselves in the past?"
"Considering this is General Kenobi when he was younger."
"It is! I can definitely see the similarities! It's a wee-sized version of him!"
"Hehe, it's General Weenobi!"
The clone who said that quickly covered his mouth. But by then, the damage has already been done. The laughter began as a soft snicker, then quickly grew into a full-blown maelstrom.
Within seconds, the entire battalion was rolling in hysteria. Except for Cody and Obi-Wan. Cody grimaced as Obi-Wan glared at him. This was definitely no longer an ordinary day.
"Seen an ailment like this, never have I," Yoda confessed.
"Is it treatable?" Cody asked.
He and several of his men had brought little Obi-Wan to Coruscant. They hoped that the Council would have a solution to their general's predicament. But unfortunately, the Council was just as clueless as they were.
"We'll find something about this soon," Mace Windu answered. "We've sent an entire team down to the Jedi archives and even the Holocron vault. It's impossible for them to return empty-handed."
"Master Windu!" The head of the search team entered the room. "We've scoured the entire place and found nothing!"
"Impossible," Mace insisted. "Keep searching!"
"Search, how? We turned the archives and the vault inside out, heck, we even found some things that'd get us kicked out of the Order if I were to elaborate!"
Just then, Anakin barged in. "I came as soon as you called and said there's an emergency involving Obi-Wan!"
"You!" Obi-Wan leapt off his patient bed. "I know you did this!"
The expression on Anakin's face went through three phases. 1: shock. 2: denial. 3: amusement. "...What…?"
"Oh, is that all you have to say for yourself? 'What'? You think this is soooo funny, don't you, Anakin? Well, you've gone too far! Turn me back!"
"Wait, wait, wait!" Anakin held up his hands. "I didn't do this! I swear!"
"Quit playing innocent! Cody, arrest him!"
For the first time in his life of serving Obi-Wan, Cody refused an order from him. "Sir, this is a serious accusation."
Obi-Wan's jaw dropped. "I'll have you court-martialed for your insolence!"
"Hey, that's not very nice," Anakin teased.
"Shut up!" Obi-Wan snapped. "And quit laughing at me!"
"I'm not laughing…" The corners of Anakin's mouth began to quiver upwards.
"You're laughing!" Obi-Wan turned purple.
"No, I'm not—" Anakin burst out laughing.
Obi-Wan charged towards him. Anakin immediately bolted out the door. And Cody chased after the two Jedi. Inside the room, Yoda, Mace, and the head of the search team stood in silence.
"Smaller the stature, shorter the temper, it seems," Yoda remarked.
Then how do you explain yourself? Mace thought.
"Millenniums of training, I had," Yoda answered knowingly.
After controlling the brawl between Obi-Wan and Anakin, the Council have finalized their decision. They'll continue searching for a solution while the 212th continue going on missions.
Without Obi-Wan.
"Absolutely not," Obi-Wan objected. "Just because I've reverted back to my Padawan years, does not mean my abilities have too! Cody, we're leaving!"
With that, Obi-Wan dragged his commander out of the Council room and to the hangar. He'll show them! He can still lead as their general even in this size!
The first mission was to take back several Republic outposts that had been overtaken by droids across the Outer Rim. It seemed easy enough. Or so the clones thought.
As soon as they landed and ran towards the droids, Obi-Wan tripped over a rock. "Attack–oof!"
Two clones rushed to his aid. "Sir, are you alright?"
"No! What are you doing?" Obi-Wan shouted as he got up by himself. "Push! Push them back!"
He activated his lightsaber and charged forward again. Cody reluctantly followed close behind. Pulling his general back every time he sees him in a vulnerable position. Which earned him a scolding from Obi-Wan each time.
"Stop pulling me! I can do just fine!" Obi-Wan screamed in Cody's visor.
Suddenly, a blaster bolt shot at them, knocking Obi-Wan's lightsaber out of his hand. Cody courteously picked it up for him.
This is gonna be one hell of a day… He thought.
~Please listen to 'Can-Can' by Offenbach for maximum experience (set to 1.25 speed for best quality). Feel free to pause it whenever~
Sure enough, Cody's prediction came true. The first mission was a success. If they didn't count the numerous times Cody had to dive in to save his general from certain death by droid fire.
And that was only the first of several more missions to go on.
"I can handle myself!" Was what Obi-Wan always said before engaging the droids.
And always, either Cody, or one of his men, or a combination of both, had to go in to save him within the first 10 minutes of battle.
Thrice Cody had to dodge enemy fire just to retrieve Obi-Wan's dropped lightsaber. Twice he had to call in heavy artillery to cover their escape from an ambush of droids. And once, they had to catch Obi-Wan after he lost his footing on a wall they were scaling.
This cycle of craziness repeated on every Planet they went to. With slight variations here and there.
It became too much to handle.
Eventually, Cody and his men had had enough. They called the Council. "Generals, please do something about him before he kills himself!"
"Or worse, us." Boil threw in.
The Council obliged. "Send a substitute for you, we will," Yoda announced. "As for Kenobi, we shall send him under the care of Skywalker."
"Thank you, sir," Cody said before ending the call. He immediately proceeded to contact Rex to warn him of the incoming storm known as General Weenobi.
Anakin, his men, and Ahsoka waited patiently for the ship carrying Obi-Wan to arrive. They were in the middle of a mission to drive away some invading droids on Felucia. But it was safe enough for them to do a little babysitting on the side.
Rex, who had received the warning from Cody, was skeptical about this ordeal. "General, commander, are you sure you don't want to think this over one more time?"
"Relax, Rex," Anakin assured. "I can handle him."
"He chased you around the Temple for half-an-hour," Ahsoka pointed out.
"Aye, my young Padawan, but we're not in the Temple this time."
The ship landed and out stepped a very angry, little Obi-Wan. He was ushered towards Anakin and company by Cody.
"He's all yours, sir," Cody announced before retreating into the ship and flying off.
Anakin smirked down at his former Master's Padawan self. "First off, I'd like to apologize for my behaviour back at the Temple—"
"—Save it," Obi-Wan snapped as he walked past Anakin and towards the rest of the 501st. "Before you all ask, I'll clear the table of FAQs. Yes, I'm General Kenobi. No, I don't know how I became like this. And no, you may not attempt to pat my head, rub my back, or carry me if I fall over! Is that clear?"
A snort came from the sea of clones. Its source: Fives. Rex quickly gave him an 'abort, abort!' signal.
Obi-Wan's eyes gleamed sharply. "And NO! You canNOT laugh! NO LAUGHING!"
Anakin took in several deep breaths. Years of Jedi meditation training came to this moment. Ahsoka and Rex shared a concerned look.
"No wonder Cody was so eager in handing over him to us," Ahsoka frowned.
Despite what Anakin said about handling this bite-sized version of his former Master, the day couldn't have gone by any crazier.
"General Kenobi look out!" Rex shouted as he snatched Obi-Wan out of range of a tank explosion.
Obi-Wan caught his breath. Then pointed at Anakin. "Anakin! I said to wait a minute before detonating!"
"Not my fault you can't run out fast enough."
Ahsoka sighed. This was pretty much the template of their entire mission. They execute a plan. They mess up. Someone goes in to save Obi-Wan. And Obi-Wan blames it all on Anakin.
Yep, it was a day full of:
"Master Kenobi, get out of there!" Ahsoka warned as Obi-Wan wandered into a trap set by the Separatists.
"Hang on, general! We're coming to save you!" Jesse and Fives cried as they prepared a net to catch Obi-Wan, who was about to fall from another cliffside.
"Call for reinforcements! Call for reinforcements!" Rex shouted as he ran with Obi-Wan flung over his shoulder. A horde of droidekas chased after them.
Oh, and let's not forget: "ANAKIN! STOP BEING SO RECKLESS!"
"What did I do this time?" Anakin half moaned, half grinned.
At this point, Rex was banging his helmet-covered forehead against a giant boulder. Ahsoka, fearing the mental health of Rex and the entire 501st, decided to call the Council during a short break.
"Hi, Masters. Um, I think we need to reconsider our promise of taking in Master Kenobi…"
"Need not, Padawan Tano," Yoda revealed. "Found a cure, we have."
Rex heard the word 'cure' and rushed over. "A cure you said, sir?"
"Hmhm. Bring Kenobi to Coruscant, you must."
The clones of the 501st practically sighed in relief upon receiving the news of the cure. Finally, this day is over! They all took down their base camp and boarded the destroyer that would take them back to Coruscant.
"Just you wait," Obi-Wan wagged his finger at Anakin. "Just you wait until I'm restored to my previous self. You're going to wish you never laughed at me today."
"Oh, I doubt it," Anakin patted Obi-Wan on the head. "Once you're restored, you'll be the calm, snarky, Master I always knew."
"Stop playing innocent! I still think you're responsible for this!"
"We're back to this again?"
"You think I'm dumb? Who else would have the most benefit to me being reverted back to my Padawan years—ah!"
The destroyer suddenly shook violently. Everyone inside tumbled over. They had just been blasted at by another ship. But it wasn't by a Separatist ship.
No, it was by a Republic ship!
"Commander Cody! What are you doing? Why did you just blast them?" Boil demanded.
Cody looked down from the control panel. The unconscious body of the admiral laid next to him. "Don't you see? For too long, General Kenobi has been getting away with his sassiness and smartmouth! Too long he has been giving me heartattacks for being so careless! Well, not anymore! I successfully turned him into his younger, weaker, self with this awesome Dathomiran potion I got off the black market! Now I will be the general of the 212th! Muahahahahaha! Ahahahahaha—"
"—OH SHUT UP, COMPASS!"
Present day at a Republic garrison
Several clones were sitting around a campfire. They were currently sharing campfire stories and Compass was in the middle of telling his.
That is, until Cody so rudely interrupted.
"I've tolerated your stupid story long enough! You're not telling another word of it! You hear me?"
Compass calmly put his hands in his lap. "I don't recall you interrupting anyone else when they were telling their campfire story, commander."
"That's because none of their stories involved me turning my general into his teenage years, then attempting to BLAST him, just so I could take his place! This is ludicrous!"
"That's because there wasn't an ounce of creativity in any of their stories."
"Steele!" Cody turned to Compass's commander. "He's your soldier! Discipline him or something!"
Steele sighed. "Compass, please stop. If Cody complains to General Kenobi, then General Korentayer will have to write a thousand-word apology letter on your behalf. And that would make her very upset. Which would make me very upset."
"Fine. Fair enough." Compass stood up from the storyteller rock-chair and returned to his former seat.
"But. But what happened next?" Dogma demanded.
"Yeah, did Cody really kill General Kenobi and take his place?" Boil joined in.
"What about me and my men?" Rex asked. "Did we survive at least?"
"Why do you care?" Cody hit Rex on the arm.
"Well, after everything we did taking care of your general, I don't wanna be killed off that easily!"
"Yeah!" Fives agreed. "I wanna know how this ends!"
"Well, too bad. Because Commander Cody doesn't want me to continue," Compass said dryly.
"Oh c'mon!" Cody cried in frustration. "Isn't it obvious how it ends? I get captured and court-martialed for trying to kill miniature-sized General Kenobi and everyone lives happily ever after!"
"No, that's not how it ends," Compass replied.
That increased Jesse's need to know the ending. "C'mon, commander! Let him continue his story! Please!"
Soon, all the clones joined in begging Cody. After a minute of hearing 'please' and 'c'mon', Cody lets in.
"ArrrrghFINE!"
Compass made his way over to the rock-chair again. He cleared his throat before continuing his story.
"Now, where was I? Oh yes, so Cody blasted General Weenobi's ship…"
Back in the story of General Weenobi.
Cody quickly took off to Coruscant after blasting the ship carrying Obi-wan. He needed to get to the cure before his general did.
Meanwhile on the blasted ship, Obi-Wan and Anakin were running about, trying to fix the situation. Luckily, Ahsoka already sent a distress signal.
"Hopefully, someone picked up on it!" Obi-Wan prayed.
Within seconds of him saying that, another Republic ship appeared out of hyperspace. The admiral of that ship contacted them.
"Hello, we have received your distress signal and are here to help."
"Well, thank the Force for plot convenience!" Obi-Wan threw up his hands.
The Jedi Council waited patiently for Obi-Wan to arrive. Which is why they were relieved to see a Republic ship landing in their hangar. But were shocked to see Cody step out, WITHOUT Obi-wan.
"Generals, I need that cure immediately!" Cody feigned desperation. "General Kenobi has been mortally wounded! If he isn't reverted to his stronger, healthier body, he won't make it!"
"Oh dear!" Yoda exclaimed. "Here, take the cure, you must!" He handed over a small vial of sparkly-looking liquid.
Cody couldn't believe how easy this was. "Thank you, general—"
"—Hold it right there!"
A second ship entered the hangar and a non-wounded little Obi-Wan jumped off from it. He landed neatly on the ground with one knee.
"How dare you betray me, Cody!"
Cody was about to pull out his blaster when suddenly, Obi-Wan was backed by Anakin, Ahsoka, Rex the entire 501st and even the 212th. He was vastly outnumbered.
But he still had the cure. Cody smirked. "How dare you speak to the new general of the 212th like that?"
With that, Cody drank the cure, thinking it was the best way to prevent Obi-Wan from getting his hands on it. Everyone looked at him in disbelief.
"Ha! Now, I shall lead as—" Suddenly, Cody winced. "Oh no. I don't feel so good. Ahhhh! It burns! It burns!"
Obi-Wan looked to Yoda. "What's going? What's happening to him?"
"When he said you were mortally wounded and needed the cure, saw through his lie, I have. So gave him spicy-liquor instead, I did."
"How could you!" Obi-Wan cried. He rushed over to Cody, who writhing on the ground in pain. "You're going to be ok, alright?"
"General Kenobi…" Cody coughed. "I'm so sorry about betraying you."
"Hush, I forgive you. I've been too sassy for my own good. Next time, I promise to watch my remarks more often."
"I'm not sure there'll be a next time…"
Cody passed out. Obi-Wan bawled. "Nooooo!"
Then, Anakin came up. "Don't worry, my best medic, Kix will bring him back!"
Kix nodded earnestly. "Behold, the cure for all hangovers!" He took out a large bottle. "Pure mineral water!"
He knelt down in front of Cody and poured the entire bottle down his throat with a tube. Five seconds later, Cody regained consciousness.
"I'm ok!"
"You're ok!" Obi-Wan hugged him.
"The day is saved!" Anakin clapped.
"Hip-hip-hooray!" The clones all cheered.
"Now, the real cure, I present!" Yoda revealed a vial of darker-looking liquid and gave it to Obi-Wan. "Learned our lesson, all of us, I hope."
"Of course!" Obi-Wan answered as he took the vial and drank it. "Never consume things without reading the labels first!"
He transformed back into his usual, bearded, middle-aged, self. Cody never thought he'd be more relieved to see his sassy general back in action.
And so, the adventure of the 212th, 501st, and the Jedi Council with General Weenobi came to an end. And everyone continued the war as if nothing had happened.
It was nothing but smiles and joy and laughter all the way. Except for Cody, who was hospitalized for mineral water overdose, the very next day.
General Weenobi: End
"To hell with you, Compass!" Cody boomed.
Review responses~
KarajeJinsta: I'm pretty you did review this before (I think you left a review back on ch 15?), but I'm glad you're reviewing again! It's nice to see readers still being around! I'm so happy you love my storyline! And your welcome, for saving Dogma. Nice ship name btw! It's cute. Thank you, thank you, thank you, for all the nice compliments and overall great review! :)
Femke-the-lotus: Wow, I managed to get you to admit Krell may have had a tiny bit of humanity back then? *Pats myself on the back. Thanks for the good luck wish on my midterms! I'm gonna need them (haven't been keeping up with my lectures due to lousy internet again). If I don't do good, I might have to go on an early hiatus! :P
Akira-Hayama: Don't worry, I'm biased too! Thanks for noticing the dynamic I have between Aliyah and Ahsoka, it's not easy writing OC interactions with canon characters. Chuchi is also one of my favourite characters from the show too. I like how the show gave more depth to politicians as well. :)
Rodger Rodger: (Sorry for skipping over you in review responses!) Your welcome, I always consider my reader's requests and it pains me knowing that I can't use all of them. But I always appreciate you putting your ideas out there! It's great for keeping the writer's block at bay! :)
Guest: I'll consider it! :)
Constanza: Haha, I guess in a way it is. What do you think of this chapter? :)
A/N. Again, special thanks to Flixswitch135, who wanted to see Obi-Wan being turned into his Padawan years and the chaos that ensues due to it!
For those who didn't realize, this chapter is based on 'Woodland Critter Christmas' from the tv show, South Park. (It's an adult comedy show with a lot of profanity and mature themes. So if you're going to check it out, you have been warned.)
I hope you all liked this chapter! If you did, please fav, follow, and/or review to let me know!
See you all next time! :)
- MiraLake