A/N: I was crying earlier for no reason and thought I should make Law do the same. And then I kept writing and writing, and then it got pretty dark. Lyrics are from 'listen before i go' by Billie Eilish. I was listening to 'i love you' by her a lot while writing the last part. I recommend listening to that as well.

Tags: Suicidal Thoughts, Symptoms of Depression, A Little Hurt/Comfort, Heartbreak

listen before i go

Take me to the rooftop

I wanna see the world when I stop breathing, turnin' blue

Luffy walked into their bedroom to Law sitting on the edge of the bed, crying silent tears.

"Oh baby," Luffy breathes, dropping everything and rushing to his side. "What is it?"

Law breathes in sharp, breathes out slow. Continues staring blankly at the floor. "...I don't know."

"It's okay." Luffy wraps his arms around him. "I'm here."

Law hums and shakes his head as if to pull himself out of his stupor. He gives Luffy a small smile. "Sorry. I was just-"

"Don't apologize," Luffy says fiercely. "Don't you ever apologize."

Law clamps his mouth shut and swallows the next "sorry" on his tongue.

Tell me love is endless, don't be so pretentious

Leave me like you do

"I'm not hungry."

Luffy looks up at him, puzzled. "But it's your favorite, grilled fish."

"I had something to eat at work earlier," Law explains, pushing away his plate. "They were throwing a party in the break room."

"But you told me they never did things like that..." Luffy murmurs, more to himself than to his partner. He sets down his utensils and eyes Law carefully. "What did they serve?"

He snorts. "Some cheap ass pizza."

"And you ate cheap ass pizza."

"Yes."

Luffy stares at him outright. "That must've been hours ago. You sure you're not hungry?"

"I promise. It tasted like shit and ruined my appetite." Law gets up and rounds the table, planting a soft kiss on Luffy's head. "Don't worry about me, baby. I'm fine."

Law ruffles his hair and gives him this darling grin, then walks off. Luffy watches him go, conflicted. He's not too sure when Law started being such a convincing liar. It concerns him.

If you need me, wanna see me

Better hurry 'cause I'm leavin' soon

"Do you ever think about..."

Several minutes pass.

"Do I ever think about what?"

Law shakes his head and looks up to the skies. His expression is thoughtful, wistful. "Never mind," he whispers.

Luffy reaches for his hand and intertwines their fingers. He's cold.

Sorry can't save me now

Sorry I don't know how

"When are you going to get up?" Luffy places his hands on his hips, pouting. "I made breakfast for you! And aren't you late?"

Law makes a soft sound but doesn't stir. "..."

"What?"

"...-ng to work."

Luffy leans forward, holding a cupped palm to his ear. "Come again?"

Law finally faces him, cheek squished against a pillow. It's adorable. "I'm not going to work. I'm exhausted."

The younger's lips pinch into a soft frown. "I'll let Shachi and the others know, sure, but..." He sits down on the edge of their bed and leans forward to kiss his forehead. "You've been missing a lot of shifts these last few months. Is there something at work..?"

He shakes his head. "I'm just tired."

The words are said with an edge that raises red flags in Luffy's mind. "Law," he says firmly, "what's up?"

Law blinks at him. "What?"

"You've been acting weird."

"I have?"

"Yes, you've...babe," Luffy continues on in a softer tone. He cups Law's face in his hands, rubbing a thumb over the soft skin of his cheek.

"is there anything I can do to help?" he whispers, leaning close to press their lips together gently.

Law stares at him as he pulls away, and there's this sullen look to his eyes, this defeat deep within them. It's haunting. "Some breakfast."

Luffy exhales slowly. "Alright, I'll bring you a plate. You stay right there and don't go anywhere."

"...I won't."

Sorry there's no way out

But down

Hmm, down

Law's been on edge.

Luffy doesn't know exactly what to label the behavior he sees in Law, but those are the first words that come to mind.

He wants to help him fight whatever he is he's fighting, these invisible enemies that come to torment his lover, but he can't. All he can do is hold him.

He's nothing more than a bystander.

He feels useless.

Taste me, the salty tears on my cheek

That's what a year-long headache does to you

They're in Luffy's car, driving down the highway in the dead of night.

"Hey."

Luffy turns down the radio. "Hmm?"

"Do you ever feel..." Law makes a face as he trails off, trying to find the right words to articulate his thoughts. "Do you ever feel like you think you feel something, but you don't? Like...it's all in your head? And you're faking it?"

"Um," Luffy taps the wheel in time to the beat, "like feelings for someone else, or..?"

"No no, like..." Law makes this grandiose gesture with his hands. "Feeling sad. I dunno."

He eyes Law carefully. "You're sad?"

"You know that's not what I said, Luffy."

Luffy faces the road again and switches lanes for their upcoming exit. "I think anyone who feels something, anything, no matter how much or how little of it they feel...they have a right to feel that way. You say it's all 'in their head', they still feel something, right?"

Law nods slowly. "Yeah. Definitely something."

"Then the feeling is valid, no matter what. If someone makes them think otherwise, they're a piece of shit."

"Validity, huh?" Law muses, losing himself in his thoughts. He turns to Luffy with a smile. "You know, you should've gone into counseling."

"Like a therapist?" Luffy laughs softly. "I couldn't. I just say what's on my mind. And I'm too oblivious for that kind of job, anyway."

Law looks out his window to the whirling trees passing by. "...I don't think so."

Luffy studies him out the corner of his eye. Sensing their conversation was done, he turns the radio back up.

I'm not okay, I feel so scattered

Don't say I'm all that matters

Leave me, déjà vu

Law doubles over in laughter, nearly wheezing in the middle of the park. "Oh my god, did you-"

"Yeah," Luffy giggles, wiping at a tear in his eye. "That little girl was so scared, holy shit."

Law grins wide and takes Luffy's hand again. "Poor thing, falling over when that poodle came near. She looked like she was about to cry."

"It was so small, too. I thought everyone liked dogs," Luffy muses as they continue down the trail. It was a beautiful day out. The wind was warm and blew loving kisses down their faces. The park wasn't too congested this time of day, and it left them with ample peace and quiet.

"No," Law shakes his head. "Some people like cats, instead. Or keep other pets like birds, hamsters, fish, or rabbits. And then there's others who don't like animals at all."

"Really?" Luffy asks. "Why? Animals are nice."

"I dunno." Law brings Luffy's hand to his lips, planting a soft kiss. The younger blushes slightly as warm breath ghosts over his skin. His voice lowers, almost to a murmur. "Maybe because animals see through the bullshit. Especially dogs."

Luffy blinks. "But you like dogs."

Law smiles down at him and gives his hand a squeeze. "I do."

Call my friends and tell them that I love them

And I'll miss them

But I'm not sorry

Luffy woke up to the sound of sniffles.

He blinks tiredly and looks over his shoulder to squint at the clock on their nightstand. It was a quarter to five in the morning.

He turns back to the left, where he's greeted by the lean, shaking muscle of his lover's back. Luffy hesitates, unsure how to proceed. He quickly pushes doubts out of his head and reaches out gentle fingers to his side, warm under the thick blankets. Law tenses at the touch, breath hitching. He doesn't say a word as Luffy comes close, cheek to rising and falling back. His arms are secure around Law, a silent 'I'm here'. Luffy presses closer, tangling their legs, and stays there for several moments.

When Law's breathing steadies, he tries for conversation. "Can't sleep?" he whispers.

He sees Law shake his head. "No."

"You thinking?"

A nod. "Yes."

"...About?"

Law exhales shakily and brings an arm to cover Luffy's around his midsection. "You."

The younger hums, kissing the skin between his tense shoulder blades. "Me?"

"Yeah." His voice cracks.

Something in his tone makes his stomach sink. "...It wasn't good, was it?"

Law sniffles again, and a part of Luffy breaks. "No," he whispers so breathily Luffy almost doesn't catch it. He curls in on himself a little more. "I'm sorry."

"I told you not to apologize."

"...Sorry."

"Law."

He takes a deep breath, and Luffy feels his lungs expand and contract with air. "Okay."

Call my friends and tell them that I love them
And I'll miss them
Sorry

"Luffy, please calm-"

"No!" Luffy yells, "I'm not- how can you possibly expect me to calm down?"

Law flinches, looking down at the floor. "I'm-"

Luffy's body shook, hands clenched around a crumpled note. "Don't."

The older man curls in on himself even more.

"What..." he raises the sheet of notebook paper with teary eyes. "Law, what is this?"

Law doesn't answer.

"You...you wanted to..." Luffy trails off. He inhales through his nose and lets out the broken air through his mouth. "I'm so sorry."

"Luffy, I-"

"This is my fault."

Law snaps up, eyes shining with unshed tears. "What? No it's-"

"Yes it is!" Luffy snaps, throwing the paper to the floor. "I saw the fucking signs! You were in pain and I should've...I could've-"

The older man's lips tremble as tears run down his face. "God, don't say that, Luffy."

"If I had just pushed a little harder-"

"No, you-"

"-maybe talked to your friends, or, or-"

"That's not-"

"-called someone, a therapist, or- god we even mentioned one a while back-"

"Luffy!"

Law grips Luffy's arms and shakes him a little. Luffy chokes on his words. "Stop it," he begs, "please, stop..."

Luffy digs his nails into his forearms and heaves a large sob. "How do you expect me to react when I find your...your note, Law?"

The older palms his eyes, looking defeated. "...I don't know."

Luffy stares at him through blurry lenses, heart broken. Before him was just the shell of the man he fell in love with. This battle he's been fighting has consumed his very being, eating him up inside until he turned hollow. Luffy wraps his arms around Law and buries his face into his neck, head pounding through his tears.

"This isn't your fault."

The younger looks up, and Law's staring somewhere over his shoulder with that look in his eyes. The one that haunts Luffy ever damn time he wears it. "Don't..." he runs a hand through Luffy's hair as he speaks, his voice a low rumble in his chest. "Just...don't, with the 'I wish', 'I could', 'I should'...please."

Luffy relaxes into the touch, sniffling. "But-"

"To blame yourself for what goes on in my head isn't fair." Law huffs out a breath and looks at the ceiling, his face pinched in pain. "It's my fault. I'm tired of fighting only to lose, over and over again. I've given up. I'm tired."

Hearing it all being laid bare breaks something in him.

"Just don't leave me," Luffy sobs into his shoulder, grip tightening around his warmth. "I love you so damn much it hurts. I'm sorry. Please don't leave me."

Above him, Law sniffles and hugs him back weakly. The dam broke slowly for him, starting with small cracks in the foundation before it broke forth, releasing ages and ages of pent up pain. He trembles so hard he shakes even Luffy with the force of his tears. Luffy clung onto him like he was the only thing in the world that mattered, thankful he could still feel the heavy beats of his heart, the rugged breaths from his lips. His warmth, his arms around him, his voice.

Him.

"I love you," he repeats, nearly choking on the words through the wrecking sobs. "I love you, I love you, I love you." He squeezes his eyes shut and imagines for a second a world without Law. It's a piercing kind of dark. A sharp pain sears through his chest and seizes up his body at the thought.

"Please, Law, I love you," Luffy cries, and he knows the palilogy might be useless, but he does it anyway. He does whatever he can to make sure it gets in Law's head and stays, a valuable ally in the feud against his demons. "I love you."

Law smiles sadly down at him. "I know."

Luffy dares a look at his lover, dares a small sliver of hope to blossom. "Then-"

"But I'm sorry." Law holds him close. "I love you, but I'm sorry."