Thorin almost dropped his quill

"Gone? What do you mean by gone?" he asked his sister.

"Gone as in not in his room, the library the kitchen, the training halls, the smithy, or wherever he usually goes when he's upset"

"Maybe he's just left the mountain to go to Dale. He often does that when he feels upset"

"Oh and you think he'd take his travel equipment with him to Dale?"

"He took his travel equipment?"

"Did you not listen to what I just said?"

"Of course I did but why would he leave the mountain? What could he be doing?"

"I'm pretty sure it has to do with whatever you upset him with. Just like he and Fíli used to when they were little. I've met him in the corridor in front of our quarters and he seemed pretty upset with you. What did you do this time?"

"Nothing" his sister stared at him with a glance she definitely had from their grandfather. He sighed "I might have upset him with something I said"

"And what exactly did you say?"

"He misinterpreted me"

"Misinterpreted or not, you upset my son, both my sons and for that reason you'll set things right and bring both of them back. And woe be to you if anything happened to either of my babies" Thorin knew it was better not to correct her by saying his nephews were definitely not babies anymore. He only let out another sigh and nodded.

"I'll do my best to find them and send out another search party" his sister snorted and left the room, leaving the door to his office wide open although she knew exactly he wanted it closed to have his peace. Yet he did not get up to close the door because he knew she had left it open so that he would not spend hours on his documents before he actually did something to find his nephews.

- oO0Oo -

Of course by now the whole company of dwarves knew of Fíli's adventures during his journey to Ered Luin, if you could call it adventures. Dwalin had even taken him aside and asked if he wanted to go back to Ered Luin because then he'd personally bring him there. The blonde appreciated the offer but declined. Although he was glad to have been back in his childhood home, he had to admit it had changed too much in the past two decades. There were almost no more dwarves left and only those he did not know. Besides, he had realised that he did miss his brother and his mother and he doubted either of them would be coming to live with him in the Blue Mountains. Kíli now was the heir to the throne of Erebor and therefore could not leave the place and it was Dís' home, the place she was born and had spent her first childhood days, besides, all her family and friends lived in the mountain, except for him. For that reason he had, reluctantly, decided he had to live in Erebor if he didn't want to be alone.

And he also had to admit that he started liking traveling in the group better with each day. They still let him have his peace if he wanted, yet he did not feel excluded or lonely. If he was honest, it kind of felt a bit like when they had set out to reclaim Erebor. When he had been thrilled to finally see the mountain his uncle had always proudly talked about. At the thought of his uncle, his stomach clenched. He had never forgiven the king for what he had told Fíli, even if he knew by now that Thorin had not meant it in a bad way. It had hurt him and Dwalin had assured him that he had every right to be mad at his uncle for saying the things he said. It did make him feel better because a part of him had feared he might have overreacted at Thorin's word. After all he had been the one to tell his brother that such a fierce reaction was unnecessary when they had been younger.

Fíli had not believed it was possible that something could positively surprise him but so it was when he noticed that his brother had joined them, obviously very relieved when he saw that the older brother was fine. On their way back to the mountain, Kíli tried to tell his brother everything he had 'missed' while he was gone. The only thing that really interested Fíli was that apparently the brunette had taken a liking to one of the kitchen maids and met her regularly. It even brought a smile to his lips.

"How is mother doing?"

"Quite okay. She misses you and is worried and all… and now she's worried about both of us"

"Why did you leave then? You should have known it would hurt her more"

"It was uncle…" his brother only muttered

"What did he do?"

"I don't want to talk about it. But he's been himself, I bet you can understand what I mean"

"He said something against me"

"More or less. Hasn't watched his formulation again" Fíli gave a nod.

"I see"

- oO0Oo -

They had almost reached the mountain when it happened. Fíli thought it was their last or second last night outside the mountain. Their camp had been ambushed by Orcs. While everyone was on their feet to fight them off, Fíli curled himself into a ball on his sleeping mat and was shaking in terror. How had they found them? What did they want? What if the others couldn't fight them off? The trembling increased. Would it be possible for him to escape? He heard his brother and Dwalin call for him but he only curled up further, not wanting to hear anything. A weapon was placed next to him by Kíli.

"Run" he said "You're too vulnerable like that" he ordered but the older prince made no move.

"Do something laddie" he heard Dwalin but he didn't care. He was reminded of his time with the Orcs. It only got worse when you tried to fight them. Sometimes, if he just managed to stay still enough, they wouldn't even bother him.

"Look what we have here" one of the Orcs had seen him anyways… Fíli squeezed his eyes shut as the Orc roughly yanked him up by the coat and Fíli could smell his bad breath. But suddenly, the Orc let go of him and Fíli dared to open his eyes. He saw that one of the dwarves had killed the Orc holding him.

"What are you just sitting around? Take your sword. Fight. Help us" he more or less barked at the younger male, who tried to curl up again

"Leave him alone, he's scared" Kíli defended him, for what the blonde was grateful. At least Fíli now decided it was better to sit up so that he could try to move away if another Orc came to close. Because a part of him didn't want to be dependent on others and force them to rescue him all the time. But then one of the Orcs had brought his brother to the ground and made him loose his weapon. While the creature glanced down at the prince, he raised his sword above his head. Fíli called out for his brother but there was nothing the younger one could do. Frantically, he looked around but as it seemed none of the others had noticed what was going on and they wouldn't be there soon enough. So Fíli gulped, gripped the hilt of the sword beside him and lunged at the Orc threatening his brother with a war cry. He went to the ground with the Orc who had been too surprised to do anything.

"Leave him alone!" he roared as started ramming the sword into the Orc's body over and over although he probably was already dead. Black blood was spilling everywhere and sticking to his face and clothes but Fíli didn't care.

"Fíli" he heard Kíli say and only now he froze and stumbled to his feet. What had he done? He gulped and lowered his sword. He almost couldn't believe it. He felt the grip on his sword loosening but just before it dropped, he heard a dwarf shout

"Watch out, you two!" three Orcs were charging towards the two princes and before he knew it, Fíli readjusted the grip on the hilt of the weapon and attacked the Orcs. Over the years, his fighting had suffered a lot and he was out of practice, yet he still knew how the techniques worked. At least most of them. Suddenly, the Orcs seemed to have had enough and the surviving ones fled. Dwalin shouted insults after them in Khuzdul, making most others chuckle. Fíli felt how Kíli placed a hand on his arm

"Hey, are you alright? How are you?" at first, Fíli shrugged

"I'm fine" he answered but then he reconsidered it "No, actually I feel great. Much better than I've felt in years"

"I'm glad to hear that"

"I-I think fighting the Orcs did something to me. Something positive. Like a part of me could put behind what has happened for the past years"

"Fíli, I don't know what to say that sounds amazing. It's great" he hugged his older brother and Fíli hugged him back. "Let's go home" the blonde knew that he didn't mean Ered Luin. But that was alright. Erebor could become his home. Eventually, he would heal and put his trauma behind him. Eventually, he could forgive Thorin.

Thanks to all of you who read this story and commented on it. It has given me the motivation to actually finish the story!

I hope you all enjoyed the story.