"I believe Mrs. Turner is improving slowly. But, she is still weak."
"Thank you, Doctor Evans," Sister Julienne Responded.
"I'll let you return to her side now, but I would like to check on her one more time before I head home for the evening."
"Thank you, John," Patrick commented before the pair reentered Shelagh's room.
Ordinarily, seeing Shelagh asleep would be a sight that calmed and relaxed him. Now he just wanted Shelagh to wake up and reassure him that she would be okay.
"Doctor Turner, why don't you head back to Nonnatus House and spend time with Angela," Sister Julienne broke the unexpected silence.
"I'd rather be here when she wakes, Sister," Patrick countered.
"Please, Doctor Turner, take care of yourself. You'll be no good to Shelagh in your present condition, and if she wakes, you're only a phone call away."
This time as Patrick paused to think, a heavy silence filled the air. It wasn't uncomfortable, but merely heavy with the implications that each choice might bring, and it was several minutes before Patrick could answer Sister Julienne.
"Alright, Sister, I'll go but only for a short time."
"I shall see you back here later, then, in the meantime, enjoy Angela's company and refresh yourself a bit."
As Patrick left the surgery, Sister Julienne could feel her anxieties settling in. She worried that Shelagh would never wake up and that if she woke up, she would have an impairment from the medication. All that Sister Julienne could do now was pray and will that the Lord fulfill his will with Shelagh, no matter what came from this setback.
As she took Shelagh's hands, Sister Julienne began to recite the verses of compline in time with her sisters back at Nonnatus house.
"Glory to the Father and to the Son, and to the holy spirit; as it was, in the beginning, is now and shall be forever. Amen. Alleluia*."
Sister Julienne moved through the verses and songs of compline; she reached Psalm 91*,
"Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High and abides under the shadow of the Almighty, Shall say to the Lord, 'My refuge and my stronghold, my God, in whom I put my trust.' For he shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence. He shall cover you with his wings, and you shall be safe under his feathers; his faithfulness shall be your shield and buckler. Amen."
"You shall not be afraid of any terror by night, nor of the arrow that flies by day; Of the pestilence that stalks in darkness, nor of the sickness that destroys at noonday. Though a thousand fall at your side and ten thousand at your right hand, yet it shall not come near you. Your eyes have only to behold to see the reward of the wicked. Amen."
"Because you have made the Lord your refuge and the Most High your stronghold, There shall no evil happen to you, neither shall any plague come near your tent. For he shall give his angels charge over you, to keep you in all your ways. Amen."
"They shall bear you in their hands, lest you dash your foot against a stone. You shall tread upon the lion and adder; the young lion and the serpent you shall trample underfoot. Because they have set their love upon me; therefore, I will deliver them; I will lift them up, because they know my name. Amen."
"They will call upon me, and I will answer them; I am with them in trouble, I will deliver them and bring them to honor. With long life will I satisfy them and show them my salvation. Amen."
Sister Julienne broke as she whispered the last lines of the verse, her voice choked by tears. Psalm 91 was his promise to not only her but Doctor Turner, Angela, Timothy, and Shelagh that everything would be okay, even if it weren't okay at that moment.
It was that moment that she grieved that Shelagh may not wake up here in Poplar, but rather in heaven with the good Lord who loved her dearly. Sister Julienne wasn't sure that she could accept the Lord's plan at that moment. Shelagh was the woman that she had come to love, like the daughter she would never have.
Moments like this rarely come in one's life- and are more complicated than outright acceptance, something Sister Julienne knew from her spiritual studies as postulant and novice but hadn't ever experienced during her religious life. The moments where the only conceivable course of action is prayer and presence with the one who needs it most, where silence holds little meaning when one waits to determine whether the person will wake or be lead on to the promised land, and memories take over the thoughts of the companion.
These are the moments that Sister Andrew Marie*, the beloved mistress of postulants, had long ago described the most critical moments in a relationship- whether with another person or the Lord himself.
"The moments where prayer and silence overlap, but are not comforting are the moments that we, as sisters, must be vigilant of. These moments will give you fulfillment and control when you are aiding a family in need, but when they occur within our community, it gives us a chance to let the Lord our God bring his magic to the earth."
It was then that Sister Julienne's thoughts turned to who might know what to do in this situation, other than someone who had passed nearly fifteen years ago, but the only answer Sister Julienne could come up with was Shelagh.
Shelagh had the gift of knowing what to do in nearly every situation. If she were awake now, maybe Sister Julienne's tears wouldn't have broken free. Perhaps she wouldn't have let out several sobs- only to be launched deeper into despair by the lack of response from Shelagh.
There was nothing more than Sister Julienne wanted at that moment than for Shelagh to wake up. Sister Julienne needed her daughter, and anchor by her side. As the tears continued to roll down her cheeks, she gently laid her head next to Shelagh's while still holding her hand.
"Please, my dear Shelagh, wake up," she choked in a whisper "oh lord, please protect my dear Shelagh."
NOTES:
Anglican Compline (Likely Modern Compline): prayer-and-worship/worship-texts-and-resources/common-worship/daily-prayer/night-prayer-compline
A note on Sister Andrew Marie: Sister Andrew Marie is a #MediaNun and part of the Daughters of Saint Paul. She is on Twitter, and her handle is SrAndrewFSP.