CHAPTER SIXTEEN

By the time Dawncloud woke up it felt like she had been asleep for years. Her body was heavy and her eyes were slow to adjust to the glimmering blue and silver glow of the gleaming cave walls. There was an initial panic fluttering in her chest, worry from Sootclaw, but it faded as she woke fully. Dawncloud felt a pressure on her leg and looked down to see that her ankle had been bound with moss and a splint of - was that bone? Whatever the Tribe cat's methods, she had to admit that her ankle felt better. But it had been just a simple strain, nothing compared to Thickfur's wounds, and - Thickfur -

Dawncloud turned to look around the den to see that the grey tabby was awake in his nest, watching her through half-lidded amber eyes. "Dawncloud," he slurred, perhaps having been given one poppy seed too many. His shoulder looked much better, as though it had been pushed back in, and his back was covered in cobwebs and a thick poultice.

"You're all right!" she exclaimed, breathing out a sigh of relief. Then her relief turned to annoyance and anger that he had been so injured. "I was so worried about you, you mouse-brain, you... you..."

His amber eyes glimmered with something foreign - amusement? "I'm happy to see you too," he said with a snort, lifting his head up from his paws.

"What happened?" she asked him. "How long have you been awake?" She was surprised she hadn't woken when someone had come in to tend to their wounds, but given the depths of her exhaustion, it wasn't completely impossible.

"I woke up for a bit earlier, maybe yesterday, I'm not sure of the time with being in this cave and all," he mewed. "When Alderthorn came in with the healer - not Stoneteller, but one learning from him - and tended to us. And today I've barely been up longer than you."

"Yesterday?" Her eyes went wide. "We don't have time to waste."

"I know. But I can't exactly go find them myself..." Thickfur let out a soft growl, looking at his injured shoulder. Then he looked back up at her. "What happened with the badger, after..."

Dawncloud gave him an exasperated look. "After you stupidly threw yourself in front of it?"

He returned her look with a roll of his eyes. "It was going to crush you."

"I could have dodged out of the way," she huffed.

"Yeah, but you didn't," Thickfur retorted. "You looked pretty frozen to me."

Her face turned red. "You're not my mentor anymore - you don't have to always protect me."

Thickfur recoiled like he had been stung. Dawncloud had no doubt several angry words were vying to get out of his mouth, but he held them all in until his angry expression faded and he let out a heavy sigh. "I know I don't have to protect you, Dawncloud. I want to."

The ginger she-cat had absolutely no idea what to say to that so they just fell into an awkward silence. Thickfur was looking anywhere but at her, his gaze drifting around the gem-embedded walls to the stream of water that still flowed into their little pool. When will I ever understand him?

Never, said Sootclaw, but he wasn't paying attention, just responding instinctively to her complaint.

She felt the residue of worry on his thoughts. What happened to you?

I'm all right, Sootclaw said. He sounded distracted. I'll fill you in later.

Dawncloud got to her paws and limped over to the small fresh-kill pile in the middle of the cavern. Her ankle was stiff, but it didn't pain her as much. She was sure that if she just kept her weight off of it as much as possible, and didn't push herself too hard, it would recover shortly enough. She wasn't so sure about the state of Thickfur's wounds. Luckily, they didn't look as bad now as they had before; he had passed out due to shock, not blood less or some terrible blow to the head.

She grabbed a mouse and took a few bites before swapping it over to Thickfur as a kind of peace offering. The bulky tom finished it off.

"But what did happen?" Thickfur mewed, once he was done eating. "With the badger."

"Two Tribe cats came to save us," Dawncloud told him. "They fought off the badger and carried you here. We owe our lives to them, honestly. "

He grunted. Dawncloud didn't manage to decipher the meaning of that one. "What are their names?" he asked.

"Squall and Blaze," she replied, and neither of them missed the way her voice caught when she said the second name. Dawncloud huffed and looked to the side, feeling mouse-brained for the way her heart had sped up. This was an important mission - she didn't want to be bothered by having some dumb crush like a mouse-brained apprentice! She didn't even care about him; she was just subconsciously reacting. She quickly pressed on: "Blaze is Blazestripe, right? The warrior you said left ThunderClan before I was born?"

Thickfur looked pained, which Dawncloud thought was a strange reaction to her question. Finally, he grunted in agreement. "Yes." He didn't elaborate further, but he kept looking at her, more intensely than she knew how to handle. His amber eyes were tired, and a little hazy from the poppy seeds, but still surprisingly open.

Dawncloud thought back to her fear upon seeing him lying on the ground, the panic that had gripped her when she had thought he was dead, and decided to take advantage of the chance she had been given. "Thickfur," she began.

The tone of her voice was enough to make him give her his full attention. All of that pulsing, shimmering mind staring at her from behind his gaze. Dawncloud wasn't really sure what she was going to say, but she felt she needed to say something. It had been so easy to forgive him. But this was different, because it was more than just being warriors on good terms, more than reconciling as mentor and apprentice. She cared about him, as mouse-brained as it was.

"I just - I was thinking, when I thought you might be dead that what I - well, what I wanted to say - was..." But her rambling attempts were interrupted by the sound of pawsteps down the hallway. Tribe cats coming to fetch them, most likely. She stopped talking, half because she had no idea what she had meant to say, and secondly because she didn't want it overhead. Not even by Sootclaw, though she had forgotten to block him from her mind.

Hey now, he retorted, in a mock anger. But Dawncloud was too distracted to fall into their usual banter.

Thickfur heard the pawsteps too. "Dawncloud," he said, with a strange urgency to his voice despite the poppy-seed slurring. "I have to tell you something. Something you're going to find out anyway soon enough, and I want it to be from me, I - " His voice was raw and his breathing heavy as he struggled for words. "Blazestripe - Blaze, now - he's not just a former ThunderClan warrior, to me. He's my brother."

Dawncloud just stared at him, because what could she say to that? It made sense now why he had wanted to come, and why Slatestar had let him. She had been foolish to think it was about her. Thickfur had another sibling he had never mentioned. Of course. Why would he tell me about it? They weren't close. It hurt more than it should have – then she realized that he was telling her now, and that was what was important.

"Why did he leave?" Dawncloud asked.

Before Thickfur could answer, two cats entered the room. It was Heron and Squall. They introduced themselves to Thickfur quickly before informing the two of them that Stoneteller was ready to meet them. Dawncloud got back to her feet and looked over at Thickfur, who struggled to get up. To her relief, he weighted his paws without collapsing, and they padded off as a group.

.

Stoneteller met them in his den. He was an older cat, with a heavy brow and proud stature despite his thin frame. He was seated when they entered and he smiled at them, giving them an amiable flick of his tail. When he spoke, his voice was low and gravelly. "I've heard you've endured quite a journey to reach us."

"Yes," said Dawncloud, bowing her head. She didn't know the best way to show respect. It was hard to fathom that this cat was speaking to her as the leader of their party. "The Clans are in trouble, honoured one."

"Just Stoneteller is fine," he told her.

"Yes. Stoneteller," Dawncloud continued, swallowing her nerves. "The Clans are in trouble and we need your help." Thickfur was beside her and a tail-length back, so his shoulder was by her flank, but his presence still provided reassurance. Alderthorn was with them as well. Cliff and Heron sat on either side of the den entrance, acting as guards, but were fairly relaxed. Squall had wandered off after leading them to this cavern - to attend other duties, Dawncloud assumed.

"And how do you think the Tribe can assist you?"

"It's easier if I start from the beginning," said Dawncloud, and then she launched into an explanation of everything that had happened to the Clans over the last two seasons, how StarClan had interfered in Clan matters to save Sootclaw's life in order to ensure he defeated Falconswoop, and how that had set off a series of reactions from the Dark Forest. She detailed her own experience in the Dark Forest, and how they had tried to control WindClan. She told him of the Twoleg crash in RiverClan and how they were decimated. Lastly she spoke of the warning they gave Kitetail, how there was a war coming and all the Clans needed to unite in order to stand any chance of defeating them. Stoneteller watched her with a carefully neutral expression. If he didn't believe her, he at least didn't show it. When she was done, he tilted his head in thought.

Dawncloud took a deep breath, and finished with their request: "We have come to ask for Elmheart to return to ThunderClan, and for Blaze to come as well. Any other Tribe cats you can spare to help us would be welcome."

"I cannot force anyone to assist you, Dawncloud," Stoneteller replied. "Nor can I force them to stay here. If Elmheart and Blaze would like to go, whether permanently or temporarily, it is their decision. They are welcome to leave and they are welcome to return."

It was a much more lax style of leadership than Dawncloud had expected. She blinked at him in surprise and waited for the answer to the second part of her question.

"As for other Tribe cats," Stoneteller continued, "I could not stop them from going with you to help you, if it was truly their desire. But what you are describing sounds dangerous, and I would caution you not to take advantage of anyone's desire for adventure, or to help, when you know better than us what the consequences are."

Dawncloud's mouth was dry. "Yes, Stoneteller," she said.

"You are welcome to stay here to recover and you may ask my cats for their aid. But I cannot assist you further." With that, he gestured for them to leave, which surprised her further. She felt deflated, her impassioned plea useless. It was hearts they had to change now.

They walked out of the den into the Tribe's communal cavern, which she believed was called the Cave of Rushing Water, where a few to-bes were chatting and a cave-guard was posted at the entrance. Cliff and Heron left them then too. Dawncloud had not expected either of them to announce they wanted to help the Clans, but it would have been nice. Instead they said nothing and went back to their duties.

Beside her, Thickfur went still, and she followed his gaze to see that Blaze had entered the cavern. The ginger tom's eyes locked on hers a moment, and her heart stupidly skipped a beat, before he looked over at Thickfur. The grey tabby took in a sharp breath. "I need to talk to him," he said.

Dawncloud was not sold on Thickfur's ability to persuade anyone to help them, but she wouldn't begrudge him the chance to speak to his brother. She was interested in what he had to say, but knew better than to try and eavesdrop, so while Thickfur padded over to Blaze, she went to the fresh-kill pile and grabbed something to eat. She gnawed at it, but despite how empty her stomach had felt only moments ago, it tasted like ash in her mouth and she found she wasn't hungry.

She attempted to distract herself, but her thoughts were all over the place, so she reached over to Sootclaw. He seemed busy, and worried.

It's the Moonpool, Sootclaw told her.

What?

Where the wraiths - shades, whatever - are coming from.

Are you sure? If the Dark Forest was using the same portal as StarClan... Dawncloud shuddered. Moons later, she could still remember standing at the base of the Dark Forest's altar and feeling the trees press in on her. She didn't know what it meant, if they were using the Moonpool, but it couldn't be good.

It has to be, he continued. She could feel the strength of his resolve through his message. We decided -

But she cut him off with a hasty apology, because Thickfur and Blaze's conversation had quickly become very, very loud.

"How dare you," snapped Blaze, his fur fluffed up and his ears flat against his skull.

Thickfur actually looked taken aback. Dawncloud had hardly ever seen him on the defensive. She expected him to act in turn, lashing his tail and baring his own fangs, but he just stood there as Blaze continued to berate him.

"Even after all this time, you still follow me here, to this new life I made, far away from you and the rest of our family – the family that's left, anyway – and you have the nerve to ask me to – " Blaze cut off, seething. He no longer looked handsome, but frightening, so much so that Dawncloud shrunk back. She wanted to run to Thickfur and help him but knew it wouldn't be right.

"It's not about that," said Thickfur, in a low voice that was trying to be patient but was clearly strained. "It's about what's happening now."

"Of course it's about that," Blaze snarled back. "It's always been about that. Can't you move on, like I'm trying to do?"

"Don't make it about me," Thickfur said, the growl now entering his tone. "This is about all of us."

"It's always been about you," Blaze said back, nearly yelling now. He must have realized his volume, and that others were staring at them, because he gave an angry hiss and leaned in close to Thickfur. "I will never forgive you," he said, in a voice so quiet that Dawncloud strained to listen. "And I will never come back."

Then he turned away and stalked off. Thickfur stood a moment, and Dawncloud could feel the shame and anger and frustration rolling off him in waves. Then he turned away as well and stalked out of the cave, into the sunlight and fresh air. Dawncloud bounded after him, but she was too late, and didn't see which way he had turned. Before she could search for him, a voice from behind her called her name.

"Dawncloud?" Elmheart was standing there, looking uncharacteristically anxious.

Time stopped for a moment. It was Elmheart. Her best friend, a lifetime ago. Her breath caught in her throat. To see him here, now... it was harder than she had expected.

"I'm glad you're all right," he offered, breaking the silence.

"Hi," was all she could think of to say. Despite all the pain, and the sadness over how their friendship had ended, Dawncloud was relieved to see him looking well. It had been moons, yet he looked the same: handsome, strong, and kind. But this anxiety on his face was new. "It's good to see you."

He smiled at that, but it soon slipped off his face. "I heard you want me to come back."

"The Clans need you, Elmheart," Dawncloud said. "If we're going to survive this threat, we need all of us. United. Besides, you belong in ThunderClan – "

That had clearly been the wrong thing to say, as Elmheart flinched. "I don't belong in ThunderClan," he said. "I don't have a family there, not anymore."

Dawncloud shook her head at him. "You have Larkflight, and Galestorm, and Mouseheart – " But he wasn't listening and she realized her words weren't the best way to reach him. Instead, she softened her voice. "You don't need to stay, Elmheart. We just need your help."

"I can't go," he said, and then paused, as if making a quick decision. "Here. Come with me. I'll show you why."

Dawncloud followed him through a series of small tunnels that branched off the cavern, into another, smaller cave. Here, she could smell herbs and milk and moss, and she saw a black she-cat lying in a nest. This must be Chantelle, she realized, and then her eyes widened further when she realized Chantelle was nursing kits.

"This is why I left," said Elmheart, as they entered. "She was pregnant and we wanted to start a family somewhere else. Somewhere we could start fresh."

Chantelle smiled at Elmheart as he approached, and then frowned when she saw Dawncloud, who stopped by the entrance. Dawncloud watched as Elmheart and Chantelle exchanged greetings, and she had to admit that there was love between them. It was clear in how Elmheart only relaxed when Chantelle's tongue swiped over his cheek. Then she rubbed her head against his shoulder. He whispered something to her, and after a moment she nodded, so he turned back to Dawncloud and gestured for her to approach.

"These are our kits," Elmheart mewed, as she padded over. "Nettle and Dove." His eyes shone so warmly when he looked at them. He had looked at her with that warmth before, Dawncloud remembered suddenly. She was relieved he no longer did.

The kits squirmed together. They were so small and precious and she could understand why he was unconditionally devoted to them. Despite being unrelated to them, Dawncloud too felt the instinct to protect them from all harm. Nettle was small and black, Dove a little bigger, grey and white in a pattern that reminded Dawncloud a little too much of something else. Her stomach churned.

Then Elmheart led her away from them, so Chantelle could get more rest. Dawncloud cast one last glance back at the kits, grateful to have seen them, yet hurt that she was only given a small glimpse into his life. Not that she could have expected more. Chantelle relaxed visibly when Dawncloud left, which hurt.

Dawncloud and Elmheart stood just inside the mouth of the tunnel. "Now you see," said Elmheart. "Why I can't just up and go with you. Why I can't leave."

"They were born just recently, right?" Dawncloud asked. They were tiny and frail. They couldn't have been more than a few days old.

Elmheart nodded.

"But you said she was pregnant when you left. That doesn't make sense."

Elmheart tensed. The defensiveness was unusual on him, and she suspected he could feel it too. "It was an unusual pregnancy," he said.

"Elmheart," she said. "What you're describing isn't possible."

"Are you a medicine cat?" he snapped.

Dawncloud could only blink at him in disbelief. The Elmheart she knew never would have reacted like that. His face sank and he looked down at his paws, curling his tail over them. "I'm sorry, Dawncloud," he said. "I'm just stressed."

Ah. So he knew that something was wrong too. He just didn't want to admit it. Why would he? He had two beautiful kits, a loving mate, a new family… why not just carry on believing it?

"I saw…" Elmheart began, and then shook his head. His shoulders were pulled forward in a tense posture and his eyes were dark. "It doesn't matter. Never mind."

Dawncloud leaned forward. "Can you show me?" she asked, too eager, ready to push her mind forward and receive his. She longed for the closeness they had once shared, the desire for their friendship winning out over the logical part of her that knew this was too much to ask. Elmheart flinched backward like she had scored him with claws. He took some steps backward, shaking his head. Disappointment flashed over her own face before she could stop it, and then they just stood there, not speaking, once again at odds.

Of course she couldn't get their closeness back. It had been gone for moons. But for a split-second, she had dared to hope…

She mumbled something to excuse herself and left the kit-mothers den. First Blaze had made it clear that he would not be returning, and now she had ruined their chance to convince Elmheart as well. Disappointment soured her stomach. Maybe this whole thing had been a mistake. This opinion was reinforced by the sharp ache from her ankle as she went looking for her companions.

.

Thickfur was sitting on the ledge just outside the medical den, looking out over the expanse of crags. His grey fur was tinted purple in the soft light of the sunset. There was no tension to his frame, just a sorrow she could feel even from the mouth of the den. Dawncloud padded over and sat down beside him. When he did not react, not even to look at her, she leaned her head on his shoulder and felt his heartbeat, slow and steady.

"We were barely more than kits," he said eventually. He still did not look at her, but his voice was so open and so raw that she knew he was asking her to listen and understand. "It was supposed to be harmless. Just a prank, even if mouse-brained. It was my idea. Blazepaw was so popular, and such a promising warrior, and I wanted him to approve of me. To include me. I was his brother, after all." Thickfur let out a very long sigh. Dawncloud wrapped her tail around his back, again wondering when he had become so young and vulnerable, and her so grown-up and comforting.

"Flamefur – our mother – was out hunting. I got Cherrypaw to tell her there was a ShadowClan patrol attacking, that we were in danger, and that it was urgent. She was supposed to come to the border. Blazepaw and I had disguised our scents; we were going to leap at her, and play-fight. I missed spending time with her, and…" He smiled grimly, eyes looking at something far off, and long ago. "It's the type of thing you think is funny, when you're six moons. Even if it isn't. Anyway… Blazepaw and I were arguing. He thought it was stupid, and wanted to back out. We were so caught up we didn't notice…" Here, he took a deep breath and he finally turned to look at her, with so much pain in his eyes that Dawncloud thought her heart was going to break. Then Thickfur looked back out at the cliffs.

"Flamefur came running in, scared to StarClan. We had been so busy fighting that we didn't scent the fox. We hadn't known that ShadowClan had recently found fox-kill on their territory, hadn't listened when Slatestar announced it to the Clan. So Flamefur came dashing in, fear-scent thick because she thought Blazepaw and I were being attacked, and then the fox was there, and it – " Thickfur stopped. There was nothing else to say. His pelt prickled and Dawncloud realized that he was scared. Scared she would reject him, that she would blame him, that she would feel only disgust at this announcement.

Instead she felt only deep sorrow and compassion and a desire to somehow wrap herself around Thickfur and tell him everything would be all right. That nothing would hurt him again. Dawncloud pressed closer to him and licked his shoulder. Everything made sense now. His anger with her, when she had scented the fox through Sootclaw's mind, and when she put herself in danger. His belief that the world was harsh and his desire to train it into her as well. The great personal difficulty he must have endured to tell Slatestar when she told him RiverClan was attacking ShadowClan. The amount of trust he had shown in that moment that she had not appreciated. Mostly importantly, she understood now that every single second of every minute of his life, he blamed himself for the death of his mother.

"Thickfur," she murmured, because what could she say? Any type of placation, or justification, he had likely already told himself a thousand times.

"Blaze was right. I thought by coming here I could finally receive his forgiveness," he said. "That it would make everything all right. Clearly that was impossible."

Dawncloud didn't know how to respond. She wanted desperately to help him, yet she knew he needed to do that for himself.

To her surprise, so did Thickfur. He turned to look at her again and said, "But you were right. I need to be the one to forgive myself." Then he added wryly: "It's too bad it took thirty-odd moons, being publicly shamed by my brother, and being mentored by my former apprentice to understand that."

She smiled slightly at that. "It's okay," she said, "if it's hard."

Thickfur shook his head slowly, perhaps in disbelief at her words, or that she was still here comforting him despite what he had done those thirty moons ago. There was nothing that could undo it, nothing that could take away from the stupidity and tragedy. Acknowledging his mistake now served no point. But it had been just that: a mistake. An accident. They had both killed family members, it seemed. Dawncloud's situation had been different – she had killed Branchpaw with her own claws. It had been the right thing to do, and necessary for the safety of her Clan. Yet she still experienced the hopelessness of it, and before her nights in the Dark Forest, she too had been plagued by guilt.

"I'm not going anywhere," Dawncloud told him, unsure where the words had come from but needing to say them. She nestled her head in between his shoulder and neck and he rested his chin on top. She felt his breathing slow and the nervousness dissolve from his body. What a strange few days, she thought. If someone had told her eight moons ago that she would be sitting here, comforting Thickfur, well, she would have given up her belief in prophecy altogether. Yet here they were, and as she said, she wasn't going anywhere. She sat with him for a long time as the sun set over the mountains.

x

A/N: This is one of the chapters I have been most excited to write for years now. Thickfur is my favourite. Poor guy. I also almost forgot to upload it today, hence the shorter note than usual. Please enjoy!

- PV :)