A/N: Have at another off Update day Update. Not going to be posting Sunday. Better than waiting til Monday though, right?
ENJOY!
My Robin Reversal AU:
Dick- 10 Jason- 15 Damian- 23
Chapter Twenty-Eight: Distractions
It wasn't unusual for Bruce to make a recommendation for the night's entertainment during Gala's and fancy parties. Jason knew the others were completely unaware of the two's negotiations before the events and what Jason can, and cannot, get away with during some function or another. Things like; he could upturn the punch bowl in the flower bed and use the bowl as a hat, but he couldn't pour the contents on the floor. Small things, little things, unassuming things.
They were things that would make Bruce chuckle and shake his head, flabbergasted by the boy's lack of shame in the current social surroundings. The others would just look on in bewilderment at Jason's gall. Each one of his four (cause Timmy never had to come to these functions dammit) siblings would watch wide-eyed at Jason's antics and then take bets on what his groundings will be from that point on. Bruce would make a big show of lecturing him and punishing him, and then everyone would go home while Bruce apologized for his son's behavior.
And then everyone would suddenly 'forget' the next morning that Jason wasn't supposed to be watching TV, . . .
So, no, Jason was not at all surprised when Bruce leaned down between him and his younger, brother as a particularly annoying looking woman bounced up to Bruce and flipped her bleached hair back over her shoulder, and whispered to them in earnest. "Whatever you have to do, Jay, do it."
"Brucie! It's been too long!" The woman fluttered her eye-lashes and Bruce was sucked into an extremely dull conversation. Jason, on the other hand, was looking as though Christmas had arrived early and his new bed-time was 'never'.
"What was that?" Dick asked, looking at him confused. Jason gave him a considering eye for a second and smirked.
"Come with me," he instructed and lead his baby brother over to the food table. Jason looked over the items and noticed a platter of baguettes at the end. They were meant for someone to rip a piece off and eat it in bits while they drank their wine, but Jason felt like being greedy. Walking over to the tray of long, thin, hard bread loaves, Jason grabbed a whole one by the end and turned mischievously at Dick.
"Uh, Jay, what are you-?"
"My name is Inigo Montoya! You killed my father! Prepare to die!" Jason quoted the iconic line just as he jabbed the bread at Dick. Dick dodged and stepped back, looking at Jason like he lost his mind. Jason just repeated his line again. "Hello! My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father! Prepare to die!"
This time, when Jason swung, Dick just stood there and took it as Jason bopped him on the head with the baguette. He was still trying to give Jason the 'you're a looney' treatment, but the twitch at the corner of his mouth was betraying him. The kid was going to need more practice at keeping a straight face. "Hello! My name is Inigo Montoya! You killed my father, prepare to die!"
"Stop saying that!" Dick finally joined in, crying out around his smile. He grabbed a baguette for himself and began to defend himself. And from there, the battle had commonsense.
Bruce was internally screaming at the woman to just shut-up already. But it wouldn't be proper form, and would only lead to future complications. Instead, Bruce watched her with vacant eyes, a fake smile, and with absolutely no interest at all. He was trying not to dart his eyes around the room in hopes of finding someone he can have a 'very important matter' that he 'must speak with them right away'.
Where was Jason with that distraction, already? Had the boy gotten side-tracked? It wasn't like Jason to find something to preoccupy him in a Charity Gala that didn't directly involve himself getting into trouble (and by extension getting Bruce out of the event). But it had been a few agonizing minutes of listening to Britney Wheet drone on about her new yacht and her drawn-out invitation to take him for a ride some time.
Resigning himself to coming up with a way to reject her without causing a fuss, Bruce felt a wave of relief at the sound of glass shattering at the other side of the room. If Alfred asked, though, it was a wave of dread. But he didn't need to know that.
"En Garde!" Dick shouted from behind the food table across the room. Welding a beaten looking baguette. Bruce's eyes went wide, his and Jason's rule was to not bring the other's in on it, but then again, Jason did like breaking rules, . . .
"En Garde, yourself!" Jason shouted, tossing his now completely broken baguette to the side as he blindly groped the table for a new weapon. "I will give you the honor of a quick and painless death!" Jason grabbed a croissant, before realizing his mistake. "But not with that." He tossed it and glanced down to find a long stick of salamis from off the cracker tray. "Ha!"
"I prefer to fight fairly. Aha!" Dick responded, the two clashed their 'swords' together and held there for a moment, having caught the whole room's attention. Bruce was a bit impressed. He knew Jason was quite the little actor, but Dick had only seen that movie recently from what he gathered, and his delivery wasn't terrible. Could use work, but then again, they all did to start with.
"Well, any last words?" Jason sneered.
"I will cut you to ribbons," Dick smirked. It was a favorite part of his in the movie, then again this whole scene was.
"Fool!" Jason pushed away from his little brother and twirled his salamis in the air as if swaying a sword menacingly.
"Such mediocrity," Dick goaded.
"Let your sword do the talking," Jason goaded back.
"I will. It will be loquacious to a fault!" Dick said as he spun his baguette around in his hand, almost too much like a boa staff, but still ended his grip at the end.
"Ha! Take that!" Jason cried out as he jabbed the salamis at his younger brother, who dodged and then parried it with his baguette. He then used his upswing from the parry to then make a down slice right at Jason. Jason moved to the left and hitting the table, making using his left arm awkward and leaving him with only one arm to use to defend from the flurry of hits that Dick was trying to land on him. "You, . . . micing, fencing, twit."
Finally, Jason was able to duck down and, considering Dick jumped up and flipped onto the tables a second after, had tried to swipe his younger brother's feet out from under him.
"You fight like my sister!" Dick teased.
"I've fought your sister. That's a compliment." And there was Jason's favorite line in the movie as a whole. Bruce couldn't help the smile that grew on his face. He really should tone that down before someone thinks that he's encouraging this behavior. Half the party-goers were watching in astonishment of the nerve of these brats, while the other half were discreetly (and in some cases not so discreetly) recording the act onto their phones.
"Braggart!"
"Heathen!"
The two boys continued to shout at each other as they fenced along the food table, stepping into a couple of the snacks laid out along their way. Bruce flinched at that, there was a lot of waste going into this particular display of 'rebellion'. At one point, Jason accidentally stepped on a meat tray and fell. He was able to catch himself well enough that he didn't fall off the table or even drop his 'weapon', but Dick wasn't about to take it easy on him just because his older brother was prone.
"Not the face, not the face." The line could be heard though sounded at if it was under his breath, just another amazing feat of the young actor.
Finally, Dick had snatched Jason's salamis from his hand and held it as well as his baguette in a cross at Jason's throat. The two paused in that position as the on-lookers wondered what was going to come next. Then Dick moved the 'weapons' from his brother's neck and Jason easily got back up to his feet, both turning to face the room of adults.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, we've decided it's a draw!" Jason announced while Dick threw the food swords down on the table.
"Thank you all for coming. You've been great. See you soon," Dick added. With that the two jumped off the table, dusting themselves off and complimenting each other. Bruce knew the scene wasn't over.
It was just his cue.
The father put on an expression of unbridled rage at his son's antics as he smoothly walked over to them with large strides. The boys noticed him when he was halfway across the room.
"We should have kept our swords, I think," Jason quoted Dick's line as the younger brother was too busy turning white from head to toe and looking like he was about to cry. "Alright, let's just skip to the running part. Common!"
Jason grabbed his brother's hand and darted for the door as fast as he could, smile firmly in place. As the two boys made their mad dash out of the room, Bruce stopped by John Davenport to say a quick apology and excuse himself from the party.
Just as he came up to the car where the valet had parked it, he could see his sons waiting by it. Or perhaps the proper word would be fighting by it, as Jason currently had Dick in a headlock and a finger in his ear. With how high pitched and distressed the noises Dick was making, Bruce had no doubt that Jason had licked said finger first.
"Jason, let him go," Bruce chided, pressing the unlock button on his keys to let the boys into the vehicle.
"Bruce, I'm really sorry about tonight. It was Jason's idea!" Dick almost had tears in his eyes as he tried to defend himself from whatever punishment was about to befall the two of them.
"Hey! Ya Runt! I can still hear ya!" Jason growled out from the other side of the car, where he was currently on his way to the co-pilot seat.
"It was!" Dick argued.
"Dick," Bruce gathered his youngest child's attention. "It's late, I'll deal with this in the morning. For now, get in the car, okay?"
"Okay," Dick sighed dejectedly as he slid into the car and strapped himself in with his seat belt.
With that, the family was on their way back home and then soon enough parking in the garage. Jason strutted on in, heading to his room where he was probably going to read until he passed out for the night. Dick walked with his eyes to the ground, looking every bit like a man heading towards the gallows. Bruce wondered if it was just the 'baby of the family' trait or if Dick would have been just as adamant about not taking the blame if he was the eldest. Either way, it was a good lesson for Dick, one way or another. If he was going to ground himself for his behavior tonight, then Bruce figured that just meant less work for him.
Damian rounded the corner just in time to see Dick trudge past him miserably. The eldest then looked back to his father, concerned.
"And how was your evening?" He dared ask.
Bruce gave his son a light smile, "Engaging."
A/N: So, yeah, Jason gets away with too much in this one. And I just wanted an excuse to have Dick and Jay perform together.
R&R if you liked. (Need a default response? Just say 'Escape!'. I'll take it.)