A/N: Hello all you lovely people! Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, y'all are amazing.
Friday, 10:58am; Obi-Wan's Quarters.
Obi-Wan awoke groggily to a bright light shining through his partly drawn curtains. Squinting, he clambered out of his bed and shut them fully, the darkness an immediate relief. He went to sit on the bed, but felt a sharp pain in his chest. Hovering his hand over the spot where it hurt, he checked to see if it was okay. Though it was still bruised a dark purple colour, it didn't look any worse than it had the night before. He let his shirt drop back into place, and sat on the edge of the bed. Even after his sleep, one of the longest he'd ever given himself the pleasure of having, he felt exhausted. No longer filled to the brim with adrenalin, every small movement made him wince. His body ached painfully.
He stood slowly, deciding that he might as well get up now he was awake. He got dressed slowly, careful not to move too much. When he stood from putting on his boots the world shifted and he stumbled, dizzy. Walking out of the room, he was taken aback by the mess. It seemed he'd caused a bit more damage than he'd thought. Most of his books were scattered at the feet of the bookshelf. The table was still overturned, datapads spilling lifelessly onto the floor. Obi-Wan couldn't bring himself to pick it up. It was a physical reminder of his pain. Without it he'd have to deal with his emotions. Which he wasn't ready to do just yet.
However, if he wanted a place to eat, he needed to place the table upwards. He sighed, rubbing his head. The last thing he wanted to be doing first thing in the morning was lifting heavy objects. Especially with broken ribs. But he walked over to the table and tried to pull upwards.
After a moment he realised quite how futile his efforts were. The table didn't move anywhere from it's position on the ground. Obi-Wan sat on a chair, thinking. The amount of energy he would've needed to use last night to overturn it astounded him. There was no way that, in his injured state, he'd lifted it without using the Force. And, given the emotions he'd felt at the time, he wouldn't have been surprised if he'd used the dark side.
When he'd gone to meditate he'd found his head drooping down onto his chest of it's own accord. He'd had to give up early on, as he felt tiredness start to encroach on his senses. But even though he'd only had a few minutes meditation, he had already felt the effects. He felt less angry, less impulsive. He still wanted to go kill Anakin's murderer. Just maybe not as recklessly as he had the night before.
After Qui-Gon, and Maul, he'd spent hours trying to get rid of the darkness which clung to him. It got to the point that he neglected Anakin for fear he would be tainted by being too connected with Obi-Wan's presence. After a few hours of careful mediation in the gardens, he had thought it was gone. Looking back, it was the foolish hope of a Padawan. Obi-Wan didn't think there was any way he'd be able to cleanse his mind fully. What he had done to Maul was unforgivable. But he couldn't help the feelings that rose in his chest whenever he thought of the man who'd killed Anakin. No matter how much he tried to wish them away, he knew that they would stick with him for a while. Especially if he acted on them.
He really wanted to talk to Quinlan. As both his friend and someone who treaded on the thin line between light and dark, he seemed like the obvious choice. Quinlan was often able to release any darkness that resided in him from his darker missions into the Force. Then he could call some back when he needed it to cloak himself, making him almost impossible to track once he made it into the criminal underworld. Obi-Wan was hoping that he would've able to hold out until Quinlan returned, as then he would be able to rid himself of the dark. However, he wanted to retain the anger. He needed motivation. His anger still fueled him, and if he meditated that away then he feared that he would lose his will to get revenge.
Get rid of the dark side. But remain angry. You're asking a lot of yourself Kenobi. A voice in the back of his head whispered. He ignored it, instead looking back to the table which had remained stubbornly on the floor. He put his hand out, knowing that technically he wasn't meant to be using the Force for 'unnecessary' needs. He couldn't bring himself to care.
What the Council doesn't know can't hurt them.
The papers and datapads on the ground flew upwards into two separate piles. They straightened, and Obi-Wan sent them flying away, the pile of papers to his desk in the other room, the datapads falling to rest on the bookshelf. He then brought up his other hand, focusing on moving the table from the floor. After a second he heard a loud clunk, and opened his eyes. He was satisfied when he saw the table back upright in it's place. Look. You didn't even need the dark side. You're just as strong without it.
Obi-Wan focused on the more positive voice which was now ringing in his head. It was better than the grief he knew he would have to deal with later. He got some food from the kitchen, leftovers from something he'd made in the week, then sat on a chair at the table, ignoring the jolt of his ribs. Leaning against the back of the chair, he, for the first time, felt the bruises that lined his back. When he had slammed into the wall the night before he had barely noticed the pain. But now his body throbbed.
He was about halfway through his breakfast when he heard a knock on the door. He put down his spoon and stood, calling for whoever was out there to wait a minute. Before Anakin was taken they'd barely got any visitors. Ever. Anakin didn't really like having too much company, which Obi-Wan suspected might've had something to do with the fact they had to clean up the room to make it even slightly presentable. He was thinking fondly of a time where Anakin had forgotten that Obi-Wan was having a meeting and came barging into the room, then realised with a pang that it would never happen again. Because Anakin was gone. The thought made him stumble, losing concentration on his walking. He put a hand on the wall, the other putting in the key code. He didn't bother to ask who it was, he'd only had one frequent visitor lately.
His suspicions were confirmed when Mundi stepped into the room. Obi-Wan stepped aside to let him in, shutting the door behind him. Mundi looked around, but if he saw the books on the ground he didn't comment. Obi-Wan was suddenly extremely glad he'd forced himself to pick up the table. The books could at least be ignored, he wasn't sure if Mundi would've been able to hold back a comment about his overturned table. Then he'd have to answer some questions he wasn't ready to just yet. Mundi glanced at the table and saw the half eaten food.
"I'm sorry if I'm disturbing you." He apologised. Obi-Wan waved it away. It was late enough that it would've been embarrassing if he wasn't ready yet.
"It's fine. I'm not really hungry." He lied. Picking up the bowl, he put it on the kitchen worktop, then faced Mundi again. "To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?" He asked.
Mundi opened his mouth to answer, but then narrowed his eyes and stopped.
"Shouldn't you be resting?" He asked. Obi-Wan stilled.
"I'm fine. I slept well."
"Obi-Wan. You were thrown into a building."
Obi-Wan winced.
"Really, I'm okay. Besides. You were thrown as well." Obi-Wan replied stubbornly.
"But I was lucky enough not to get thrown into a building." Mundi countered. Obi-Wan gave up fighting him on it.
"Fine. If I sit, will you be happy?" He said, surprised that it came out harsher than he was expecting. Mundi frowned.
"Not entirely, but I'll take it if you stop pacing." He said. Obi-Wan stilled, having not even realised that he'd been walking around the couch. "You are going to injure yourself further if you keep doing that."
Obi-Wan sat down. He had to admit, it did immediately relieve some of the pressure on his ribs.
"Okay. I'll admit, that does feel better." Obi-Wan said, with a reluctant smile.
Mundi himself stayed standing, keeping his eyes on Obi-Wan.
"I came here for two reasons. The first, to see if you're alright -"
"I'm fine."
"I don't just mean physically, though that is certainly a contributing factor." He continued. Obi-Wan turned away, lowering his head.
"What happened last night was traumatic, even for me. I have no idea what it is like for you, with your Pada -"
"I don't want to talk about it." Obi-Wan interrupted. He didn't really want to be rude, but he didn't want to talk about anything. Especially Anakin.
"I think it's important you do."
"I don't." Obi-Wan repeated.
Mundi sighed.
"Obi-Wan. With the likely chance that your Padawan is... dead, I think -"
"Don't say that." Obi-Wan said lowly. He stood trembling slightly.
"Obi-Wan, you yourself said it, the signs are all there."
"No. He's not dead." Obi-Wan said. Mundi looked at him, worry evident in his face. But Obi-Wan was practically ranting to himself now. "And if he is, we can get him back. We can find a way to bring him back. It's temporary."
And there he was, a few moments before, thinking he must've skipped denial. Apparently not. Every word that came from his mouth felt like the truth. Anakin couldn't be dead. There was no way he was dead. There was no way that the boy Obi-Wan had spent half his life raising was dead.
"Obi-Wan..." Mundi said, his voice filled with a pity that Obi-Wan hated. "We both heard him in the building. You said it yourself, his Force presence diminished the second the building went down."
"That could have been inhibitors. Or maybe he fell unconscious -"
"What's prompted this? You seemed certain last night that your Padawan was..."
"Dead?" Obi-Wan filled in. "I was in shock. I didn't know, my mind leapt to the worst possibility."
"In this case, I think that the worse possibility is also the one that has come to pass."
Obi-Wan closed his eyes and lent back. There was a pause.
"I know." Obi-Wan sighed. "I know that it all adds up. But something just feels... off."
"It isn't unusual to deny the deaths of people close to you." Mundi replied.
"No, something doesn't feel right. Something feels out of place." Obi-Wan continued. Mundi looked at him sadly. Obi-Wan sensed the gaze on him and turned his head to look at Mundi. "What?"
"Thinking that it's wrong someone has died is also usual." Mundi said. Obi-Wan groaned in frustration. Why couldn't anyone understand him? Why did no one see that there was a huge lack in evidence?
As if reading his mind, Mundi continued. "Even though we lack conclusive evidence, it's still likely that the explosion was fatal. Look what it did to us, when we were near the other side of the street."
Realising that it would be near impossible to get anyone to see his view now that he was considered a traumatized victim, Obi-Wan changed the subject.
"How's your arm?" He asked. Mundi leapt at the subject change, looking obviously grateful to move away from the heavy stuff.
"Getting there. I might have to stay off combat for a few days, but I'm alright." He said. Obi-Wan winced as he remembered the blood he'd seen the night before.
"I'm sorry I dragged you with me."
"That's not quite how I recall it. On the contrary, I remember that I was the one who suggested it." Mundi reassured him.
Obi-Wan suddenly frowned.
"Why did you offer to come? It's not like you and Anakin were particularly close." He asked. Then he started remembering all the other times in the week that Mundi had been helpful. How he'd immediately got out of bed when Obi-Wan came back from searching for Anakin. Offering to help search. Vouching for him in front of Master Yoda. Sure, they had a small friendship. But not really ever beyond a talk in the corridor, or the occasional mission together. Qui-Gon had been good friends with Mundi, so Obi-Wan had met him a few times when he was younger. He'd always found it strange, Mundi followed strictly the rules of the Council, and Qui-Gon did his best to find loopholes, yet the two had been very companionable. But Obi-Wan had never really spoke to Mundi properly until his Master died. When he'd had no idea how he was even meant to start training Anakin, Mundi had showed him the basics.
"Do you remember the extended mission I had in Jedha?" Mundi asked. Obi-Wan shook his head. "You would've been fifteen maybe. My first Padawan was about seventeen." He continued. Obi-Wan listened, not really sure where this was going. "While I was there I ran into some trouble. A sandstorm took me by surprise, and I was left stranded a few miles from my ship -"
"Oh! I do remember that. Qui-Gon was getting worried when you didn't report to the Council meeting."
"Yes. But the storm lasted several days. At one point I ran out of water, as I'd foolishly thought I'd be back in a couple of hours. When it first happened I wasn't too worried, as I thought the storm would have to end soon."
"Sandstorms can last for up to six weeks in certain lowland regions." Obi-Wan said. Another fact he'd picked up from listening to Anakin's rambles.
"I know that now." Mundi said with a slight smile. "But after I'd been crouched in the shelter for a few hours, I realised that if I didn't move then I might not have enough energy to get back to the ship. So, instead of waiting for the storm to die out, I headed in the direction that I'd come. At one point I began to wonder what would happen if I didn't make it. Sadly a lot of Padawans don't continue their studies if their Master dies mid-training. The Younglings can get reassigned, but no one usually wants to take on a teenager who is only a few years away from knighthood." Mundi said. Obi-Wan listened, still having no idea where Mundi was going with this story.
"I suddenly realised that, if I didn't make it, my Padawan may not get a chance to achieve her dream of becoming a knight. Thankfully I saw the ship soon after that. Even though I arrived safely back on Coruscant, after finishing my mission, it bothered me. I kept wondering what may have happened if I hadn't made it, as un-Jedi-like as that may be. So, as a safety precaution, I visited your Master, Qui-Gon." Mundi continued. Obi-Wan suddenly had a suspicion he knew where this was going to end up. "I asked him a favour. In the event I died, I asked him to make sure my Padawan was okay. He agreed happily, being the kind person that he was, but asked for something in return -"
"He asked if you could look after me, if he died." Obi-Wan finished. Even in death, you can't stop being overprotective Master.
"Yes." Mundi said. Obi-Wan sighed. "Both of us thought we'd never need it. By the time you were both about to be knighted, we thought we had just been overcautious. Then there was the sudden event of Qui-Gon's death. Even though you were old enough to look after yourself, you were struggling along with Anakin. I guess recently I've just felt like Qui-Gon would've wanted to help you. So I'm doing it for him." Mundi finished. Obi-Wan put his head in his hands.
"Gods, I should have realised. Qui-Gon wouldn't have left without at least putting down a safety net." Obi-Wan said, mainly to himself.
His Master had spent so much time trying to protect him. And what had he done for Anakin? Yelled at him, pushed him to be better and got him kidnapped. He wasn't even able to save him from death. Qui-Gon would've managed to stop that all from happening. Anakin was right, Qui-Gon would've been a much better teacher. Anakin would've been able to grow up without constantly toeing the line, as Qui-Gon would've taught him otherwise. He would've been better prepared for life. And Qui-Gon would never have let Anakin leave after an argument. They would've sorted it out in a civilised way. Anakin wouldn't have ever been on the streets in the first place. Besides, Anakin wouldn't have been taken if Obi-Wan wasn't there. Anakin's killer did it because of Obi-Wan. For some revenge plot, of which Obi-Wan had no clue what it was about.
Mundi cleared his throat, breaking Obi-Wan's chain of thought.
"I actually came here for something else as well." He said. Obi-Wan exhaled and turned back to face him, nodding for him to speak.
"We received a transmission, soon after we sent one. Quinlan Vos is on his way back. Immediately."
A/N: Feel free to review if you enjoyed! Everyone have a nice day/night.