breaking point

by max333

What if Usagi had finally decided enough was enough? Between the jabs and the lame excuses on problems going on involving not only Mamoru but Chibi Usa as well, Usagi has had enough and hits her breaking point. Now the girls must realize their own individual faults in the conflict and rise together to show Usagi that she is the glue that holds them together.

23. Usagi talks to Mamoru

LoveInTheBattleField: thanks.

Princesakarlita411: I know right! 😊

AimlesslyGera: its funny you say that cause my sisters and I watch that show to and sometimes we begin to assess the same things. Lol and yeah I've been talking about the talk for a minute now but its finally here. Enjoy the first part of it.

kera69love: yeah and it was unintentional. She hadn't meant to tell them that she was just so upset that she lost her cool and blabbed. Sort of like in the anime when she blabbed that the senshi put her mom in the crystal. Her indication that she blamed them to a degree that her mom was stuck inside of it when really they merely used their powers to encase her so that she could use her own powers to fight off the sleeping spell everyone was under without sustaining more damage. And yeah he was getting smug about it which I dive into later on to. that's coming up.

Astraearose-silvermoon: thank you.

setokayba2n: no its not wrong, she's the prodigy of Usagi and Mamoru, so were so happy that they get together that quiet often we overlook her less than stellar qualities and actions. She has both of their traits, usagi's being cutie and manipulative being her own thing and stoic being mamoru's thing. But yes if she hadn't learned to be respectful she could have very well ended up down that path. Even Beryl started out as human before Metallia found her and warped her mind. Chibi Usa has been turned dark once before, like her father, it might have only been a matter of time before he own cocky crap got the better of her and she bite off more than what she could chew but what even the senshi could chew being who she is. Its what the Wiseman had counted on and thankfully failed at during the R season.

Guest (1): I know I have them at odds right now but things will change.

Jovemako: yeah she let all of her emotions out that day like a tidal wave. It just came out. yeah the loser part was actually inspired by another story I and read years back, something called 'falling for the same guy twice' or something, and basically Mamoru never merged with the prince like Usagi did with the princess so his alter ego I think (been a while since I read it) came out to see Usagi so she could have the boyfriend she desired, since Mamoru was giving Chibi Usa ALL of his free time to keep the peace, while Usagi was getting it on with the alter ego who at this point was Mamoru but yet was a completely separate person from him. thing is Chibi Usa REALLY hated her in that one and called her a selfish loser. I remembered reading that scene so often I was stunned by the level of hate and had to figure out WHY she hated her so badly and for seemingly no reason other than no one chastising her for it so she thought it was okay and kept up with her treatment of her. I think Usagi even talked about getting her tubes tied to avoid having her. that issue to my knowledge was never resolved though and ended without it. and no in this one Mamoru's not off the hook just yet.

phillynz: yes there will be a decent amount of that coming up.

SerenityDeath: she had to what with the bomb shell that was dropped on them.

karseneau1: thank you.

Oracle Sybil: yes I wanted there to be a few twists still to come and that seemed to be a good one to throw in there. Plus I cant see these two as just have ONE kid. Just doesn't make sense. And that's fine, I wasn't a fan of the break up part in the R storyline for the anime but I have the manga and SMC to fall to so I deal with it. yeah I never got 'protecting rei' from that. I believe she wanted to believe that herself but deep down she wanted to see if someone she was crushing on yet hadn't admitted to crushing on herself was really out on a date with someone that acted like they didn't like her. as for the nick names, yeah the original intention was trying to be a jerk but I think it was to keep each other away and deny the feelings they felt towards the other. Cause in the rest of the series he still calls her his 'odango' in a loving manner. I truly think that their arguing early on was a foreplay of sorts otherwise I cant see Motoki letting them 'fight' in public like that continuously unless he was waiting for one of them to break and act on their true feelings. The hanky sniff scene was actually something that made me smile to be honest. I was thinking 'finally were seeing him being human and wanting to be around her more' type of thing. I saw it as romantic. Unlike with Diamond looking at her in hologram form which was obsessive and stalkerish. Sad thing was though he showed more 'feeling' towards her during the R season than Mamoru did often. In fact he was the only one that got a 'reaction' out of Mamoru regarding her. I actually do dive into the changing/merge part of that in the next chapter or two. I'll be honest I don't recall reading those fanfic's, though they sound interesting. As for Serenity trying to take over to live the life she was denied while I do go into that in here, I don't think she was trying to take over I think she was trying to merge to be one in the same so that Usagi could be a stronger person to fight against the enemies and be less afraid of them. I think she gave her the confidence she needed internally to fight. Just my opinion though. As for Mamoru, yes that's why I added the ending part that I did and that will get talked about again to.

InuKaglover4ev22: oh definitely. Usagi wanted things to get back to normal but a better normal that involved working together and not with negativity in the path. And no Chibi Usa at this point wasn't meant to have felt bad for, a better understanding yes but not made to feel bad for. If anything she was meant to be seen in that scene as someone who needs what was coming to her. to let her full colors so to speak be shown that way EVERYONE could get a good visual of what Usagi had been going through and knew without a doubt WHY the bonding had to be done. cause yeah kids these days lack respect and expect everything. Not ALL kids but a decent proportion of them. as for Usagi assuming how Mamoru thinks and feels, the bond has been gradually opening up more and more and since they were so close she could actually feel his feelings a bit more on the matter so she knew what he was feeling. So while she was happy to, and I will devil into that later on to, she didn't want him to assume things were okay again and it seemed like he was from his thought process on how he was feeling. And I do go into the orphan bit to in more depth and detail so that does get talked about. As for the weekend thing, that does get talked about to very soon but my reasoning for that was pretty simple, their not ready for that yet and I couldn't see her staying the night there without something sexual happening because its THEM. their made to be joined at the hip practically together so yeah, but besides that and these both do get explained, I've been through emotional talks before with people I'm close to and its draining. Its tiring it's a lot so that's another reason that goes more in-depth and hopefully I didn't spoil things on that one.

Guest (2): that's a thought. 😊

14 reviews, nice, here's the talk you've been waiting for, or at least the first part of it since these are the two main, main characters here in this story to have an ARC going on. please let me know what you think, I hope I hit a decent amount of points that were needed. read and review!

Breaking point ch.23

Usagi POV

I sighed as I made sure to check myself one more time in the mirror. It was Saturday and I was due over at Mamoru's in an hour. At least so far I was. He hadn't text me yet on cancelling so, so far this was a win on taking the right steps. I made sure to wear jeans and a jacket. With my zip up to my knee boots on I was out the door. Chibi Usa hadn't spoken a word to me but I wasn't surprised especially with how upset she left the temple that day.

She pretty much had stuck up her nose to me a few times other than ignoring me. I was honestly glad though that she wasn't acting up she knew now she couldn't do what she wanted to anymore and I'm wishing now that we had done that sooner rather than later. At least now it was done and she couldn't pull stunts on us anymore. Well stunts on me I should say. I walked down past the flowers as they were still beautiful as ever sitting all over the place.

I was beginning to feel like I was drowning in them. He definitely over did it and now left me with the explanation of what had happened. Mother had initially asked me why he felt he need for so many when I told her we were having discussions. I tried not to let too much out especially with my father within ear shot. If anything, he seemed to be happy. I knew father never liked Mamoru much, but it wasn't really fair of him to like that Mamoru and I were in a rough patch and that things might be dissolving.

Yet he didn't mind Tyler. I think in reality though that was because he knew Tyler and his family, he didn't know Mamoru from beyond a few family dinners and Mamoru had no family to speak of so it was hard for my father to be accepting. He grew up old school. If you didn't have a family it meant that something was wrong, it was the norm. Mother thankfully didn't agree but my father was stubborn as the day was long.

It was always about being with a good boy from a proper family with my father and to him Mamoru was neither. If only he knew the truth on who Mamoru was. I digress though. After a few days of the flowers staying in fresh full bloom as if they had just been cut mother even asked me to know where he got them from since they were lasting so long. It may have been a mistake to put them everywhere within visible range.

I cursed myself for it after the fact. I just didn't have the space to put them all in my room and worse, yet I couldn't bring myself to toss the beautiful flowers out. Just because they came from Mamoru didn't make the flowers bad. I sighed as I came down the steps. Flowers weren't supposed to last as long as his were which just made my mother ask more often what he used to get them to bloom so beautifully and stay so fresh looking.

I had to keep telling her I had no idea that I would go ask him. My plan for the day was to also tell him to let them be natural flowers that would act normally. If they kept up in full bloom, they would end up being revealed as not normal flowers. I didn't know if he COULD do that, but it was worth a shot cause it was giving me problems at home now. New problems I couldn't deal with nor wanted to deal with.

I made it past them and out the door where I locked up and headed on over to his place. I decided to walk so I could gather more of my thoughts. This conversation had been the longest one due for forever. It was also the one I secretly wished had been one of the first ones but he made his stance known on that at that point in time and I needed some time to configure myself and breathe to be honest. I had been so mad at him for so long, mad for things that he'd done, that he didn't do and mad that he was still making stupid mistakes.

I kept walking to his building and before I knew it, I was there. Why is it when you're NOT in a rush to get somewhere you get there with time to spare yet when you're in a rush to get someplace you hit every roadblock imaginable? I rolled my eyes as I opened the door to his building and walked past the front desk. The security guard looked at me oddly and just barely seemed to remember me.

I got in the elevator and hoped that this talk would go well. Or at least allow me to get everything out and for him to listen and respond with some amount of understanding. I knock on his door as he answers in seconds flat. Was he waiting on the other side? I wondered as I walked in. I unzipped my boots as I knew we were going to have a conversation. My conversation with Rei had taken the turn it had due to the animosity between us.

Mamoru and I had a different relationship. We weren't ready to hit each other as Rei and I had, no we needed to clear the air. "Tea?" he offered. Perhaps a soothing tea would be nice, "Chai tea." I accepted as he went into the kitchen. It was to warm out for hot cocoa so I went with that as I sat on the couch and made sure to sit on one of the far ends so there would be ample space between us.

Five minutes on the dot later he settled down with only a foot between us at best. I resisted the urge to put some more space between us. A foot was fine. I sat with my feet curled under me as I sipped at the small cup. Mamoru I could tell was debating on whether to be happy that I was here or dreading this part of the conversation…maybe both. That's when I remembered the last time I was here. I couldn't help but look over to the spot where I saw Saori kiss him as I closed my eyes trying to force my thoughts away from that and onto him.

"There's so much to say so I need you to just listen for a bit." I warn him as he nods and gives me the floor. I was thankful that this was the last time I was going over all of this. As cathartic as it had been to express myself to rehash the same thing so many times can go from therapeutic to merely reliving a trauma repeatedly. I was trying to avoid letting it feel that way though as I went into everything.

All the issues that I had talked to both Minako, Makoto, Ami and Rei on. Luna got a revised version along with Chibi Usa who got another toned-down revised version since she was so young and Luna was our advisor. This however, I knew I would get more emotional over it than anyone else previously. He was after all one of the biggest contributing reasons to how I felt and why I felt the way I did.

He was my first boyfriend, the only boyfriend I'd ever had. I trusted him in some ways more so than my sisters in arms. He was always there for me even before they came along. I loved my sisters yes, but I loved him to. So, this was going to hit harder for me, I could tell it was hitting him hard to from the way his facial features were reacting to everything that I was saying. I could tell he wasn't expecting all of what I had to say.

I could see it in his face any time I described something he did or didn't do. It was like he was struggling with his role in it still but was accepting responsibility and NOT cutting me off or trying to instantly defend it. He stayed quiet while I talked which was a good long while since I wanted him to feel what I was feeling in this. The tea helped to sooth a bit but soon enough after I spoke on him, Chibi Usa, the girls, the kiss with Saori all of that, the tea was now just sitting lukewarm in my hands.

Once I had stopped talking, I waited for his response to it all. I could tell it was a lot to absorb but he had no idea how much I had been holding onto. I was just glad this was the last conversation to be had really. "There are no real words to express how sorry I am." he began. I saw him look at me defeated. Almost broken. I felt our link open up more than it had for a while now and felt the truth of his words.

Felt the guilt he was now feeling. The heart break he was feeling. "There is something I must confess to you." I hadn't been expecting a confession. I nodded to him to go on, "When you mentioned that I treated you as if you barely existed in my life here in college you were right, I mean you were right on all of it but in this particular case this was something I had done to us that hurt you more than I ever thought it could or would." I wasn't truly getting what he was trying to say.

"I didn't tell my friends about us as much as I should have because I let my own issues, my own fears take over and control me. I let pressures that I put on myself, no one else really, determine how I treated you around them." I wasn't sure how to feel hearing that part. "I thought that if I let them know who you really were, let them see this amazing woman that you are that one of them would become more ambitious and try to steal you away from me…and win." I looked at him with an expression of shock.

"I know you'd never cheat on me, BUT considering where I come from, a nonexistent family and a loner at that, I thought for sure one of them would lure you away and I'd lose your bright shine in my life." Thoughts of how things had first gone with Tyler came to mind before I shifted focus back to him. "Turns out my own fears and actions were what lost you to me even if only temporary." He tried to laugh it off a bit but that died down after seeing the look on my face, "So you see the irony of what you created?" I asked.

He nodded, "I fucked up and lost time with you. Time that could have been used to strengthen us up. Time that could have been used to show you how much you really mean to me. Instead I used it to try and defend actions that were wrong and try to say that I was right. I was wrong to dismiss what happened with Saori that night." Here it was. "I know we had breached the subject briefly before, but we needed to go in-depth." Agreed.

"Yes, when Saori kissed me it was a shock and I should have pushed her off sooner. However, the truth is had I not have made our relationship…" he indicated between the two of us, "Seem nearly nonexistent it wouldn't have happened period. I know Saori well enough that she would never had made a move on me had I not made it look like I was available, unintentional or not it was my own actions that lead to it happening." I had to admit I was shocked I hadn't expected for him to finally say what he was saying.

It was long over-due that was for sure. "I made what seem that night like it was nothing and what I should have said was 'it shouldn't have happened' and how sorry I was." I nodded; I could feel that he truly was sorry for what happened that night. "I should have told her that nothing could ever happen between us." He told me, "Even IF you and I weren't a thing I honestly hold no interest in her as anything more than a friend." I was glad he was being honest with me, yet I felt he was holding something back.

I ask him then, "Where do you see us as right now?" I hoped he wasn't making assumptions again. He looked hopeful and that had me a little worried, "I see us as still together but in the middle of a rough patch." I sighed as he puts one hand on my knee. The attempt to be physical right now isn't the best timing. We're not there yet but instead of rejecting it I shifted instead, but it barely dislodged his hand.

He seemed to pick up on it as he removed his hand and looked to me with hope. I wanted to grab a pillow and hold it for comfort right now, perhaps a fluffy shield even. "Mamoru us talking here today is just that talking." He gulped but nodded, "I wanted you to know how I feel and to have you understand my side of things. I need to know that you do respect me as an individual, as your friend and when were there again…" I didn't want to say 'if'. It didn't feel right to say 'if' I was your girlfriend again.

However, 'if' that was the case that so be it. Yes, he's listening but this needs to be in effect and STAY in effect pronto. I did notice however that he seemed to notice the slight pause in there, it was as if I was saying the 'If' without actually saying the word. I could see the slightest shift in him like he knew what I was saying without saying it. becoming in tune with me it seemed once more. "As your girlfriend. I need to know that us being together isn't for some future we saw but because we love each other." He nodded very much in compliance.

"I agree completely. I'm glad you told me about how you feel. On all of it. I'm also sorry that I let Chibi Usa get away with so much with you. She did too much and really, we all did but mostly I coddled her and let her think it was acceptable and appropriate to do. My trying to ignore it only made it worse and put more stress on you that you didn't need. You have enough with the whole saving the world on your shoulders." Very true.

"You shouldn't have anything else with your own future daughter no less. You deserve better." I almost wanted to cry from hearing all of this. He was finally acknowledging so much. "You deserve better than me." He then admitted. I was shocked to hear him say that. "Don't get me wrong I want to be with you more than life. I'd take a last kiss from you over my last breath of air if I had to choose." Sweet words.

I saw him shift. I knew he wanted to kiss me right then, to act on that urge and I admit part of me wanted it to but that image of he and Saori…still clouded my mind. It oddly enough helped me remain strong against it and not give in. Even AFTER he apologized. I had to get his mind off of it so I could breathe, so I could make the right decision and not just let him back in. I can't let him think that after one conversation that this is won.

One conversation doesn't say 'hey were all good'. Maybe that MIGHT have been the case the night of the party but not now. Not after so much time in between has passed where he was still figuring out what he had done wrong and owning up to his mistakes. It hurt to basically tell him no right now without saying it, but we both needed to grow and learn from this. "Mamoru I will always love you…" I began as I held my composure in, "That doesn't mean that this will go beyond a conversation today."

He shifted back a little bit as I told him that, no longer looking confident in acting on that impulse I know he wanted to act on. "Much like the majority of the girls and I our relationship needs fixing to." He nodded slowly as if afraid of what I might say next and unwilling just yet to voice out his fears of what I might say to him, "Ours needs some of the most fixing depending on how you look at it." I could tell he didn't completely agree.

"I know we have problems in our relationship I mean what couple doesn't, but it's not that bad." He defended even though he was trying hard NOT to argue with me on it. We were here to have a discussion not get into a verbal dispute over the problems in our relationship. However, if it came down to that then this wouldn't last long. It would tell me how not ready he was to work with me on this. "Mamoru…" I looked at him as his eyes tried to at least appear like he was focused on me and NOT on whatever he was thinking about right now.

"You chose Chibi Usa over me many times over, you choose your insecurities over me and even let our friends pick on me to. You've even admitted to this." He breathed in harder, "Now granted not all of it is on you." I amended as he looked at me, "I did get a bit jealous of Chibi Usa early on since you had broken up with me and seemed to favor time with her." I admit myself. I wasn't totally innocent as I could have developed a backbone earlier on, but I was just trying to please everyone till I couldn't handle it anymore.

"However, that was also brought on by you picking her over me. Even after we got back together you still choose your time with her over me. It was hard for me NOT to take it personally when we'd plan something out and I'd have to find out from Chibi Usa who's attitude was snobby at best, that you were taking her out when we had plans together. Each time it happened was more hurtful than the last. I tried to be understanding but when would it have my turn to be understood of what position I was being put in?" he sighed

"I know." He didn't like how this was going but it wasn't going to be easy either. "Yes she's a child and yes she's immature and supposed to be cause she's a kid but she's also very clever and knows when there's certain buttons that can be pushed and where to push them to see how much of her own way she can get. She had you wrapped around her finger and you were either too busy trying to make her happy to avoid getting her upset or you were to blinded by the idea of having her here to care." I told him.

He nodded but even I saw now how he was trying to keep himself calm. I had a feeling he knew bits and pieces of this, but I was driving the missing blanks home for him and he was working to process it while listening as he needed to. So I added on, "I admit I wasn't the best when it came to dealing with her, but it's kind of hard to punish a child that is acting up when those that should be in your corner aren't and eventually give in to her to get her to simmer down." he sighs but I keep going.

"It certainly didn't help that even when I did try, I was the one 'punished' instead, so to speak, and this was done in front of her." He closed his eyes. If he thought he was going to will this away then he was wrong, "She was seeing that if I were to punish her that I would get reprimanded instead. That she won. That she could act as she wished to around me. Yet I was getting lectures and penalized for not acting like an adult around her. For NOT being a proper mother figure to her. You see the problem with that?"

He reopened his eyes and looked to me with a tight face. One that spoke of anger but not towards me. Towards himself. He didn't nod or speak but his eyes spoke volumes of his feelings. His face spoke volumes of his feelings as I continued with, "All of that, that's not parenting, that's enabling and in a way we all were doing it." I sighed now, "I should have fought harder early on to stop the behavior from progressing but that's my own mistake."

I should have grown a backbone sooner but I guess it's like that saying goes, better late than never. I can tell he's accepting this as even through our link I'm feeling him accepting the issues that were present in our relationship and how it affected others. "One that I won't be making going forward but that also applies to everyone else. Chibi Usa is NOT the exception to this." I warn him as he nods.

"Minako, Makoto and Ami and I have gotten along a lot better since we talked. We're communicating better and I believe our friendships are stronger thanks to it." I smile remembering how we had all been talking more smoothly. None of us are cutting corners in how we talk yet were being more mindful of how our words can affect each other. Well rather their realizing how after we've spoken how talking things out has made all of us closer together and bonded us.

Then I remembered the confrontation that Rei and I had. Both the fight and the conversation to took place later on. "Yet both Rei and I are on technical new grounding since were almost starting our friendship from the start." That's when I see a hint of fear enter his eyes and wonder what he's thinking. "You and Rei are starting over?" he asks a little stunned. "Yeah, but I think it's for the best, for both of us. We needed to hit the reset button. It's a one-time deal to work it out since we really didn't start out as friends as I thought we had." I tell him.

Rei's words were still strong in my head as I could now tell Mamoru seemed to be thinking on something. His expression spoke of an understanding that I was surprised to see. The discussion that Rei and I had though made me think on how to work with Mamoru though to. "So yes, we have issues to go through and a single conversation will not fix it. Just like it didn't fix it with Rei." I tell him.

He protests, "You and I have a different relationship than you and Rei." I nod, "True and yet not true." He looks confused, "You, Chibi Usa and Rei hurt me the most. That is the common denominator. Yes, Rei and I have a different relationship but you and I started out similarly to." He sees it now. "I'll have as many conversations as you need to for us to be together. For you to be happy." He tells me strongly.

I nod believing him. I could see it in his face and feel it through our link. It didn't make us good right now though, not the way I know he wishes we were; it did however make us better going forward if this kept going as we were now. With communication and a willingness to and a want to do better for us both. We weren't at a strong point yet. Don't get me wrong, I could feel our link getting stronger, but it wasn't enough for me to feel completely trusting of how things would go going forward.

I hate how someone I used to trust with my heart and soul is now someone I could only trust with my life. He was my tuxedo mask. My Mamoru…my prince. Even if he hadn't been an actual prince in the past nor I a princess I would still love him. I just didn't love what had happened in the last few months. "We need to be happy together." I corrected. It's not just about me but about us together and yes individually but as a whole to.

He nods, "With who we are and accept each other. Be there for each other through thick and thin as we USED to be cause Mamoru look at us. Look at where we are." I implored him, wanting him to face it all as I have. Letting him see the anguish on my face from everything. "Look at what we have survived together and look at what actually dragged us apart from each other." It was a hard reality to face.

"It wasn't an enemy. It wasn't someone obsessed with anyone. No one that we can put the blame on for this to be a quick fix. It was our own insecurities and faults that were driven and made real by the others." I told him as he was taking this in just as I was. "I know." His few words told me that he didn't want to talk about it in depth but that wasn't going to happen. His voice was even sounding upset.

"It would be easier to blame the issues on an enemy." He said, giving a dry chuckle. A dark one that I knew he was trying to keep in. Trying to protect me still from his inner thoughts. "Yet we can't and yeah we both messed up, but I messed up more." He then looked at me and for the first time since we started to talk, I could see remorse in his features. The dark haunting look in his eyes is temporarily banished away so that I could see him. I could see the anger at himself in his face. I could see him having that want to do better for us….for me.

I felt a resolve through our link. As if he was getting the picture, "I fed your insecurities by acting and treating you as I did. I made you feel unimportant and unneeded in my life. Made you seem like you weren't as significant as you are." I could feel the tears building up in me. Voicing what he knew he did was in a way gratifying that he was acknowledging the pain he put me through, but it was also making it real.

Like it wasn't merely something I had talked about but now it was a living breathing thing now and it almost hurt all over again. "I hurt you mentally and emotionally and in some cases those scars last a hell of a lot longer than the physical ones." He continued. He then turned to me and took both my hands in his. This time it didn't feel like he was pushing, it didn't feel like I needed to back away. Not yet.

It just felt like he was being real with me and needed me to feel it as well as see it. "Two of the three things I vowed NEVER to do to you and I still did it." his voice beginning to shake in his anger as he spoke, "I still made you feel insignificant and pushed you aside. I chose the idea that things were guaranteed instead of continuing to work on them, to build them." I felt the tears in my eyes fall but I didn't sob.

I didn't make a sound other than breathing. I didn't cry out or become a blubbering mess over things. I was just pure emotion and I wasn't even sure if I was angered, sad or happy that my feelings, that everything that I had been telling him had seemed to actually get through and he was actually acknowledging what had happened. I could still feel his anger at himself and I wondered now if it was anger at what he had done or angry that he thought that this was the end and I was gone for good.

He did seem to finally be understanding me. Even if it was baby footsteps they were still steps in the right directions. I swore I even felt the link widen up just a bit to. "I think when we went to the future…" I began making him search my face as I spoke through the emotions, the tears rolling down my cheeks, "When we got to see that we were married and had Chibi Usa…" though now it was more kids apparently, "I think Pluto was right. One should never see their future." he swallowed. Hard.

"The future we saw gave me hope in the fact that I had found everything I had ever wanted with you. You were my wife, the mother of our child…you were mine and I was yours." He gave a slight defense as his voice began to break. Showing his own emotions. I breathed in now, trying to reign in the emotions I had so I could get my words out. "Mamoru, at that time you had broken up with me over a stupid series of dreams." He grimaced.

The bitter reminder of the time we lost and the trails we went through all because of a choice that he made instead doing the right thing. "And instead of coming to Rei or myself about it, instead of trying to figure them out as a team you did things your way, by yourself…again and hurt us both in the process." He looked away. Ashamed of his choices considering what emotional and mental pain it put us both through.

"You chose to do it your way once more instead of confiding in me or in the team. That doesn't speak of hope. That speaks of lack of trust." He looked back at me, "You didn't trust me enough to handle it. You didn't trust our friends enough to tell them so they could help. Not even our advisors. You alienated all of us in the pursuit of listening to a prophetic dream over those that you should have come to for advice." I could tell drudging this up was upsetting to hear but it was the truth.

"Then to come to find out it was from your future self-wanting to test the power of our love for each other. To test our bond by breaking us up. which to this day I feel is a cop out." He looked to me in slight shock, "Mamoru think about it. How did THAT strengthen us? You broke up with me for a few months then bam we were back together again." it took him a minute to realize I had a point.

We didn't get truly stronger from it; we were just so happy to be back together we never questioned it. Especially when the King told us he sent them. We didn't question it and now that I had had the chance to think on it and reflect back, I felt that his reasoning was more of an excuse. "Why do you think he did it then?" Mamoru asked me, trying to keep his own emotions in check.

"I think he was a king suffering from being near his wife but unable to touch her or speak to her." Mamoru, I saw was starting to get it, "He was angry and wanted to lash out. Yet he was defenseless in his world. He was to injure to fight the enemy so he reflected on the past and found himself actually jealous of you." Mamoru looked at me stunned now, "I know it sounds silly but think about it." I told him.

"You in the future are going through an emotional and mental turmoil. You can't be with your wife, your daughter is in the past for safety reasons, you yourself are in the form of a hologram cause your badly injured and lonely as hell. So, you in the future as you think about the past, trying to find SOMETHING positive to focus on find yourself feeling jealous that your past self gets to be happy with his future wife." I knew Mamoru's mind was spinning from this but so had mine when I first thought of it.

"So, your future self decides to torment you with those images, with the dreams to break us up cause he's not in his right mind and needs to have someone else feel as miserable as he does. Or close to it." cause let's be honest what did we really gain from being broken up? "Now let's fast forward to you in the here and now. You got the dreams and what was your instinct? It wasn't to come to me or to Rei for help." Now he sees how this was coming around full circle and it wasn't in his favor.

"You decided to do things your way as you've done the last several months of our relationship to. You fall back on only trusting yourself. So, I say again look at what's happened." I knew he saw it now, "You don't trust me, not as you should in this relationship. You're so called true love." I knew it was a bit harsh but to say seeing that gave him hope wasn't something I was going to give him credit for. Not with everything that had happened.

"I admit I didn't handle it well, but my intentions were out of love to protect you. You were always my top priority to protect." He tells me. He sounds firm and decisive, very strongly about his need to protect me. Yet it also told me a weakness he had to. "Mamoru I'm NOT a child to be protected. I'm the girl you love and have by your side when times are hard or in battle and when the world feels unforgiving." Now I held his hands in mine.

"The woman that you share your heart, body and soul with. What you did was take control so you wouldn't feel out of sorts cause when you don't feel in control you feel that bad things will happen then blame yourself when they do and consider it a lucky break if something bad didn't happen. Those dreams, what happened during could have been avoided had you just talked to us. Had you communicated with at least myself or Rei but you didn't. Cause you didn't trust us." He looked down at our hands.

"Mamoru you did the same thing with me and several if not all of the issues now." he looked back up at me, "You didn't trust me NOT to get charmed by a friend of yours and isolated everyone from me in your attempt to 'protect what's yours' when in reality you let others think I didn't exist and gave Saori the green light…so to speak. You let Chibi Usa win arguments and treated me like the child to be patted on the head or fed food because you didn't trust me to handle our future daughter."

He spoke up then, "I trusted you in that regard I just didn't trust how she'd react to being punished." I shook my head no, "Mamoru, I'm the future Queen of this world. I'm friggin Sailor Moon. I've worked my ass off to help beat back Beryl, Metallia, Wiseman and many more…how could I possibly NOT handle Chibi Usa?" he was at a loss for words for a moment till he said, "Cause she's our daughter?" I rolled my eyes at his grasp at straws especially with how his voice got slightly higher in pitch.

Yeah, he was reaching. "Okay now answer that without the question mark in there." I replied calling him out on it. He sighed, "I handled the situations poorly." He confessed, "I know but you needed to acknowledge this so that we can work forward together." I told him. I removed my hands form his as he grasped mine back again, "Can I take that together to mean that we are together?" there was hope in his eyes and I didn't want to see it dashed but he was thinking too far ahead from where we were really at.

"I think we need to take some time to be dating as friends. We still have conversations to have and let's be honest, when was the last time we actually had a date?" when his eyes bugged out and he couldn't answer me I think he knew where I was headed with this but didn't like it too much, "To long." His admittance show cased that he knew where this was heading. He held onto my hands a little tighter. "Way to long." I confirmed.

"I want to be with you." He barely managed to make his voice sound strong and not like a whining child, but I could tell he was having a hard time with this. I was to but I had been dealing with this for far longer than he had. He was trying to keep his composure. Perhaps he thought that this was officially us breaking up because we weren't 'together' even though I was just literally pushing us back a few steps. It was needed I think in the end for us to grow and mature as a couple of things went well.

I didn't know however what he was thinking and thanks to the weak link that was slowly rebuilding itself I wouldn't even know for a while to come of what was going on in his head, "I know…but this is the best way for us. Mamoru feel how weak our link is right now." he sighed as we both felt it. We both felt its strength waning but also felt how much weaker it had been from when we first started out. "It's stronger." He tried to defend but with barely any resistance in it, "Yes it's stronger than before." I admitted.

"However, feel how weak it still is." I could sense him reaching through to the link and feeling the weak but still alive connection between us. I saw the concern on his face, but it was also filled with longing. A longing to make it whole again as it once had been. However, we needed to be strong and needed to want this to work if the link was to be strong again. I remembered a time when it was strong enough to communicate without words.

When we knew what the other was thinking. We weren't even close to that now. I could tell he was facing his own internal defeat that I was right, and this would have to be taken slow. There was no jumping back into things. There was no kiss and make up right now. There was simply us talking like adults and having a long over-due conversation. Why else did he think that I hadn't cuddled up to him like I normally would have?

There are many body language cues to take that he was only taking half of. He needed to notice them all and trust in us, in me to read them correctly. "Do you really think the best way for us to bond is to be instantly together again?" I could tell he wanted to argue that with me, to tell me that we could make everything right by declaring our love for one another and jump into bed. But this was not the case.

This wasn't going to be fixed with a Band-Aid. This needed multiple layers of gauze to fix it but I was willing to put in the effort as long as he was. He instead bit his lip and accepted it even as he tried to joke, "It would be great." It was just bad timing as I wasn't in the mood for a joke regarding our sex life. "Making love to you was always incredible. Waking up to you was a dream come true every morning I had you here." He was smiling as if in recollection of it, and I admittedly agreed with him but that's not what was going to happen here.

"True, true and very true…" he smiled on that as we both shared a mutual small smile at the memory of how things used to be but that's what it was now. Used to be. "However…" and here comes the other shoe to be dropped, "We need to build on it and we are not ready to jump back into things." I could see the expression on his face turn crescent fallen. Like he wished we had reminisced more on the positive things.

I would have loved to do that but we still had a lot more to do between us before the positive recollection could begin, and furthermore the positive recollection should be from something last week that we did together, not around six months ago. "I'm not the same girl from the party that night." He arched a brow considering it had only been a few months ago. In many cases that's a good point however when you go through what I've been through in the span of a few months, those events can change a person.

Hell, life altering events can change a person's complete life in the span of 30 seconds. Luna entering my life took me through a 360-rollercoaster ride that I rode with and all of its metaphorical and literal punches. So yeah, it's not just possible it's happened. "I know it was only months ago, but a LOT has happened mentally and emotionally for me since then and for you to." He did acknowledge that at least.

"What I'm saying is if you're serious about making an effort and proving that you're ready to change as I have then this new starting point is the foundation of which you have to work with." I could tell he was trying to figure out a way to do something with it. I just hoped it wasn't to see if he could speed it up. "So…were just friends who are dating?" he clarified. I nodded as he didn't look pleased by it.

"I have to say I'm not fond of this BUT I do understand that this is the decision you've made and it's in place for a good reason. It's also only in place because of multiple actions on my part that lead us here so knowing that I'm at least getting a chance to make this right, to build your trust in me again and to show you that I do trust you and that you're the only one that I think about." he sounded confident in his words as I felt apprehensive but glad that he was accepting this and not pushing anything.

"Good." I tell him before I remember one thing I needed to definitely discuss, "By the way about the ton of flowers that you gave me." he smiles, "You like them?" still missing the social cues… "While their very beautiful did you happen to take into account of one how my parents would react to seeing that MANY flower in the house?" he face fell a bit obviously not having thought about that.

"Or the fact that they are still in a beautiful full bloom and without any extra care besides what my mother is doing to them?" plucked roses does need fertilizer, it's not like they were in the ground still. Only plant food and water changed out will help them out and they still wouldn't last as long as these had. "Yeah…" it seemed like it was hitting him on how far south that plan had really gone.

"I'll make sure going forward they have a normal life span. I hadn't thought of that. Course I also thought they'd all be in your room." He looked to me, "Even if they had been which they couldn't since they couldn't all fit in there, not enough space, mother does my laundry sometimes still. She would have seen them either way." I tell him, "I'll fix it." he assures me as I responded, "Good." Now to see how things played out going forward.