28. A Very Boring Meeting

Remus was making progress.

His number one rule was not to think about her. That led to depression, and anguish, and heartache. Things that he didn't want to feel. Without thinking about her, he was doing very well.

"Moony?" Sirius called from downstairs. "Are you coming?"

"Yes," he called back. "Just give me a minute."

After preparing himself for the Order meeting, he started heading down the stairs. Noise could be heard, which meant that people had started to come in.

It would be his first Order meeting after she had left. It was the day before the full moon, and he was tired as ever. He was slightly more anxious for this full moon than he had for any of the others recently, partially because there was the additional emotional anguish that he was going through, and added to the regular pain of his transformations, he didn't know how well it was going to turn out. Having Sirius for company was one of the best things he could ask for.

Another thing that it meant was that the wolf in him was closer to the surface, which meant that he was more emotionally sensitive, and had a shorter temper, and didn't really fit with the calm and collected demeanor that he so often hid behind. He was more expressive and audacious, emotional and bold. And it was not a great time to be thinking about her.

He had given it just about two weeks worth of thought, and he had come to the conclusion that he was madly smitten with her, whether he liked it or not. There was no other reason as to why she occupied so many of his thoughts. He terribly ached to pull her close, to lose himself into her and never think of anything else, even though he knew there was no way that could happen. She was gone, and the impact of that was devastating.

Maybe it was just the full moon. He was expressing himself more. But either way, she was gone, and nothing would change that. So it didn't matter how he felt. Or at least, so he told himself. But after two weeks, the intensity of his feelings had only grown, and maybe it wasn't going to work that way. He needed to get over this fast.

Remus approached the ground floor of Grimmauld Place, general commotion filling the atmosphere. As he stepped through the open doorway, he stopped dead.

There, at the table, was none other than Nymphadora Tonks, engaged in a serious conversation with Moody. Her hair was a stunning forest-green, and she was wearing beautiful robes of crimson. She was there. She was there. But how? How could she be there? She had been removed from the Order. Unless she had been reinstated?

Before he could march furiously over to Sirius and ask him what the heck was going on, she sighted him. She looked right into his eyes, unflinchingly, her gaze cold and serious. After several moments, she resumed her conversation with Moody, not lifting her gaze from his eyes. And then, finally, she looked away.

He didn't know how he should react. Should he go talk to her? What should he say? Inquire about why she was here? Apologize? He didn't know how he felt about the entire ordeal. Not to mention that it was nearing the full moon, and he didn't want his emotions to get carried away. Yes. The best strategy would be to avoid her.

So he quickly walked over to Sirius, who was talking to Emmeline Vance.

"Sirius," he hissed. "Can I have a word?"

"Give us a minute, Emmeline," Sirius told her, turning to him. "What's the deal?"

"Did you even notice who's in the room right now?"

Sirius looked around. "Blimey, that's Tonks! What's she doing here?"

"Precisely my question! You think she's been added back?"

"Maybe she wasn't the spy in the first place," Sirius suggested. "Dumbledore could've been wrong. I told you, Mad-Eye was sticking up for her at the last meeting."

"But… Sirius, you know how I feel about her! There's no possible way I can face her!"

"Ah, so you don't want to tell her how you feel?" Sirius asked.

He sighed. "Why would I? That's the worst thing to do."

"But I told you, she feels the same way!"

"That was a speculation. Your speculation, I might add. It can't be true."

"Why don't you just go ask her, then?"

"Great idea. Hey, Tonks, ignore everything that's happened between us for the past few weeks. I just wanted to know if you fancied me?"

"Well, it doesn't sound that great when you put it that way," said Sirius, frowning. "How about we listen to what Dumbledore has to say on it? And then we can decide what to do about you."

"That sounds like the best thing to do," Remus admitted weakly. "But what if she wants to talk to me?"

"Well, then, be a man and talk to her back. She's a woman, not a Death Eater."

"I think I figured that out for myself, thanks. But what am I supposed to say?"

"Tell her you're sorry," Sirius suggested. "And then tell her how you feel."

"Not a chance."

"I don't know what else you could do."

"I'm just going to avoid her. At least for tonight. I'm too confused, and it's the darn full moon tomorrow. I'll think about this later."

"Whatever you say, Moony." Sirius turned back to Emmeline and continued talking to her.

Remus headed in the direction of the Weasleys, who had just arrived. He greeted them as Arthur started talking to him enthusiastically about the latest Muggle contraptions. He listened halfheartedly, trying not to turn around and stare at the witch who had occupied the majority of his thoughts recently.

"Merlin, Remus, did you see Tonks is here?" Bill asked him.

"Yes, I did," he answered as civilly as he could manage.

"What do you think she's doing here?" he asked in a hushed tone.

"I think we should hear what Dumbledore has to say on it before jumping to conclusions," he replied. "I know no more than you do."

"Fair enough." Bill shrugged and walked off.

But Sirius was adamant about finding out what was happening with Tonks, so as soon as Kingsley entered the house, he ran up to him to ask.

"Calm down, Sirius," Kingsley said calmly, "she's not the spy. Dumbledore will explain as soon as the meeting starts."

"How do you know?" Sirius asked.

"Because we have evidence," Kingsley explained.

"Oh. Thanks." Sirius walked back over to Remus and relayed to him what he had just found out.

Soon enough, Dumbledore entered, Snape at his heels, and the meeting was set to begin. Everyone seated themselves at the magically-enlarged table. Remus found himself next to Sirius and Bill, whereas Tonks was at the opposite end of the table next to Moody, her face stone-cold as she watched Dumbledore.

"Good evening, everyone. Thank you for assembling at this meeting of the Order of the Phoenix," Dumbledore began, as always. "What I have to say today will be of utmost importance, and many critical questions will follow shortly thereafter. We will need to do our best to answer as many as we can."

After a collective murmur of assent, he continued. "First, and foremost, you will notice that Miss Nymphadora Tonks has been re-initiated into the Order. I feel it is my duty to explain to everyone what exactly has happened throughout this entire encounter. Nymphadora, please correct me if I am wrong."

She gave a terse nod.

"A few hours prior to the battle at the Department of Mysteries," Dumbledore explained, "Miss Tonks met with a Healer at St. Mungo's by the name of Bruce Claris. At the time, he was thought to be affiliated with Death Eaters. This led to her removal from the Order under the pretense that she had betrayed the organization. However, this is not so. Miss Tonks has not betrayed the Order of the Phoenix. Alastor has carried out an investigation that provides us with evidence that Claris is innocent. In fact, his family was murdered by Death Eaters. Kingsley and Nymphadora witnessed the investigation, and they will be able to provide you with the details, if you so wish.

"This now leads us to where we were before. Is there a spy in the Order? If so, who is it? How long has this been going on? We need answers, and answers best come without jumping to conclusions. Mistakes have been made, and therefore, as we progress, our methods need to be changed slightly. Miss Tonks, on behalf of the entire Order, I apologize for having doubted you and having removed you from the Order. You have not betrayed us in any fashion, and I beg your forgiveness for wrongly assuming that you did so."

Tonks met Remus's eye, her face impassive, before looking to Dumbledore. "I accept your apology."

"I understand," Dumbledore said, "that we have wrongly believed that you have betrayed the Order, and this assumption has created tension in the relationships you share with the members of the Order. I implore the other members to respect her just as you had before. Do not treat Miss Tonks any differently because of what has happened. She has done nothing to betray the Order, so there should be no difference."

Remus glanced at her again, fighting the overwhelming urge to press her against a wall and dissolve himself into her. Accursed moon.

"Which brings us to the point of who the spy may be. Does anyone have any theories?"

"Yes, Professor," Tonks answered immediately, albeit somewhat stiffly. "I side with the theory that I had since the beginning, and it is that there is no spy. This is a Death Eater hoax to create confusion. They must have Confunded Elphias and Mundungus to mix up their guard duty schedules at some point in time. And this would lead to an entire rift between the Order over time."

"I agree," barked Moody. "The last time Elphias and Mundungus were on guard duty, they were together. It could have been a very good time to Confund them into neglecting their next guard duty."

"That makes sense," Emmeline said slowly. "So there is no spy?"

"Exactly what I think," Tonks affirmed, meeting Remus's eyes once more. "But I'd like to hear what others have to say."

He knew he should say something, but his brain was refusing to make coherent sentences.

"So you're saying it's all a Death Eater plan?" inquired Hestia. "They're just trying to divide us?"

Tonks nodded. "That's right."

"I agree," Hestia said so softly, Remus wasn't sure whether or not he had heard right.

"It does sound like a Death Eater thing to do," mused Molly Weasley.

"Remus?" Kingsley asked, sharing a look with Tonks that he couldn't quite decipher. "What do you say?"

He felt his mouth go dry as several faces turned towards him in anticipation.

"I think it makes sense," he replied quietly. "And... Tonks is right, they were on duty together last time."

She huffed. "Thank you."

"Albus?" Moody asked the headmaster. He was probably the only one who called him by his first name, except for McGonagall. "Your opinion?"

"I certainly agree," he said courteously. "Especially seeing as there is no evidence to prove that anyone in the Order is a spy."

"Does everyone agree?" Dedalus asked nervously.

There was another collective murmur of assent.

"Well, that's that," Moody growled. "There is no spy."

"That seems to clear up many of our concerns," Dumbledore remarked, smiling. "Severus, I will hand it to you."

Snape started giving a report, something that Remus had no interest in listening to. His attention was diverted to a certain Metamorphmagus sitting at the other end of the table. He took in every detail of her heart-shaped face, noticing that, to his astonishment, there was a small pimple on her forehead. Despite having the power to morph it away, she preferred to remain the way she was. How he wished he could embrace her then and there.

Oh, the full moon was really getting to him. He had to make sure he didn't have any kind of private encounter with her today. Only Merlin knew what he might do.

She saw him looking at her, and for a few seconds, the unspoken tension was unbearable. He felt the guilt settle in his chest, unbearable, knowing how easily he had turned on her. He wished he could take it back, take everything back, because of course she wasn't the spy. She couldn't be. He just hadn't given her the chance to explain. Nobody had. Except for Moody. If only he had listened.

Realizing that she was still watching him, fury and disappointment flickering in his eyes, he focused his gaze, somewhat reluctantly, on Snape, who was still droning on in the same monotonous tone. Sirius nudged him gently.

"You okay, Moony?"

"Yeah."

Sirius gave a small nod. "How are you feeling about her?"

"I don't know," he whispered back. It was true. His emotions were seriously complicated. This entire spy business hadn't helped at all. And neither had the moon.

"Well, since you're not sure, may I take a shot at it?" Sirius asked.

Remus nodded. "Go for it."

With a quick glance at the end of the table to make sure that nobody had noticed their side conversation, Sirius began. "Your feelings haven't changed. You want to talk to her, but you're worried about how she'll take it. And you're worried about the full moon because you think it's going to influence your decisions."

He stared at his friend in amazement. "Merlin, Sirius. I can't believe I'm saying this, but you may actually be right."

Sirius beamed. "Thank you. Now, my advice to you is that you should follow the Marauder in you. Go talk to her. What's the worst thing that can happen? She hexes you into next week. You learn your lesson."

He took a breath and continued. "About the entire full moon thing, it's just bringing out your emotions. It doesn't influence you. It just brings the hidden aspects of you to the surface. And it can be a good thing, Moony. Believe me. Whatever happens during it is still you. You still have control over yourself. It's just different parts of you that take the reigns. During the moon, it's your emotions that take charge. They're still a part of you. You are still in total control."

"Merlin, Sirius, did you spend your entire time in Azkaban coming up with lectures to give me on girls?"

"Something like that." He grinned. "So are you going to do it?"

"No," he replied staunchly. "I'm not going to talk to her today. Not for long, anyway. And not privately. If she asks, tell her I wasn't feeling well. Full moon."

He tutted. "You always use that excuse. Even when the full moon isn't even close."

"Well, it works," he replied defensively. "And the full moon is actually tomorrow, Padfoot, so it's a legitimate excuse."

"Whatever you say, Moony," Sirius sighed. "But don't let her think you're ignoring her. That'll make things worse."

"I'm trusting you with this, Padfoot."

"Come on, Remus, you can trust me! I've had loads of experience!"

He snorted. "I can believe it."

Their conversation had, indeed, gone unnoticed; everyone else was staring into space, just as bored as they felt, except for Snape, who was still rambling on, and Dumbledore, who was listening to him intently. Even Moody looked bored.

The hands on the grandfather clock seemed in no hurry to move, and just as Remus was contemplating ditching the rest of the meeting and heading upstairs, Tonks met his eye again.

He gazed into her eyes for a few more seconds, trying not to think about the last time he had seen them. Another wave of guilt washed down him.

Finally, Snape finished his report and, to everyone's dismay, Dumbledore then began explaining what Hagrid had been doing the entire time. Interesting as it was, there was hardly any new information, and Remus really just wanted to sleep. Of course, it was the post-meeting conversations he was worried for. Maybe ditching the Order meeting wasn't such a bad idea after all.

"This is so boring," Bill muttered in an undertone next to him. "I had to skip a conference for this."

"Surely you would take the Order meeting?" Remus asked him, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, well, the company at the conference would have been better, if you know what I mean," he explained with a wink. Remus did know what he meant. He was referring to Fleur Delacour, the beautiful French woman who had participated in the Triwizard Tournament. Remus hadn't met her, but he had heard a great deal about her from Sirius, who had heard a great deal about her from Harry. Bill had also confided in Remus and Sirius that he was dating the woman, and Sirius had often helped in distracting Molly.

Several long hours passed before Dumbledore finally dismissed them. It was late, and most of the members of the Order had stayed behind for whatever Molly had offered to make for them. Remus took this as an opportunity to slip up to his room, but, quite unluckily, there was an entire mob of people blocking the foot of the stairs. Just then, Emmeline stopped to talk to him.

"Hey, Remus," she said, stifling a yawn. "How've you been?"

"Fine," he replied politely. "You?"

"Fine," she repeated. "This meeting was absolutely a bore, apart from the entire first segment."

"The… oh, you mean the spy stuff?"

"Yeah," she said. "I'm glad that's over. It wasn't nice, suspecting our own friends."

He felt another stab of guilt at his heart. "Yeah. That's right."

"Well," she yawned, "I think Molly's making some sort of pasta. I'm going to grab some and then head home."

"Sounds good," he agreed, attempting to smile. "Good night."

"Night," she replied, and she walked off.

He glanced around to find out where Sirius was, and if there was any way that he could get upstairs right now, when he heard it.

"Remus."

It came from the voice he loved, yet the voice that he so desperately didn't want to hear right now. He turned around to see Tonks, her green hair looking all the more beautiful now that it was messed up from her playing with it during the meeting. Her face was unreadable.

"Yeah?"

"Could I talk to you for a moment?"

Even though he had originally planned to politely excuse himself from the situation, he found that he just couldn't. Her voice sounded broken, like she was about to break down and start to cry, and Remus didn't want to cause her any more hurt right now, not after what he had done.

"Of course," he replied, allowing himself to be led into a more secluded room, wanting to, and not wanting to, at the same time, know what on earth it was that she wanted to tell him.

A/N: Any guesses what she has to say? All I'll tell you is that I hope I'm not the only one who'll be mad at Molly Weasley in the next chapter! ;) Coming up in chapter 29!

JEALOUSY. We're starting a series of Jealousy oneshots, and Remadora is the first one! Head over to our profile to check it out! It's starting with Remadora and Jily.

If we get a positive response, we may add Jealousy oneshots of any other ships that you guys want us to write! (Hinny, Romione, etc.) Leave a review and tell us what other ships you'd like to see in the series!

XMisfitLeaderX: I know you asked, so I changed it for you! I hope you enjoyed the colder version of Tonks in this chapter!

And thank you again to my reviewers! I love you guys to the moon and back! :)