Chapter 20: Late Night Wandering

"Stupid giant ship," Nami muttered under her breath, holding a hand to her growling stomach. All this time she'd spent on it, and she still didn't know where the kitchen was. It wasn't surprising that none of the Vinsmokes had ever showed it to her. She bet it was a place none of them ever stepped foot in. They might not know where it was either. Even Sanji, though he'd been willing to cook for her that one time…but his efforts had clearly shown he had no experience.

Thinking of Sanji made her angry and frustrated. They hadn't spoken since their fight. She wished for the umpteenth time that she could control her tongue better around the Vinsmokes. While Sanji was different from his brothers, he was still a Vinsmoke prince who was one of the generals of Germa 66. Everything she'd said to him had been honest, but perhaps she could have found a different way to express herself. Was there a way for her to show her appreciation for his kindness and still tell him that what he was doing was wrong?

She wasn't sure there was. They were probably destined for an unhappy marriage. She would never be okay with the things Germa 66 did and they would never see a problem with what they did. They'd all been indoctrinated since they were children to believe they were in the right in taking what belonged to others.

The next rumbling of her stomach brought her attention back to the present and her wanderings. She'd arrived back late with Niji from another campaign. He hadn't conquered the country in two days' time, but had been called back for something or another. He'd offered for the two of them to have dinner together on his ship before they arrived back, but they'd been close by that point. She'd told him she'd wait until they arrived, but she hadn't been thinking about the fact that those on the main ship would have already had dinner and she would have no idea where to come by some.

Part of her wished she'd accepted Niji's offer, but he'd tried way too many times to get close to her on this campaign. She wasn't sure if it was out of boredom or because he was hoping to piss off Sanji, but it weirded her out. No, it was probably better that she'd said no. If she had to go without dinner, so be it. Of course, she'd also gone without lunch since she'd been busy navigating them through rough waters, but she'd been far worse off in her life than to miss just lunch and dinner. Not that she'd missed this feeling. Being hungry sucked.

Deciding to give up her search, she turned in the direction of her room and spotted Sanji. She was surprised to see him out so late, but maybe he'd just gotten out of a meeting, or maybe he liked to roam the castle halls at night. It wasn't as though she knew much of anything about her fiancé.

"Um, hi," she said lamely. "I couldn't sleep, so I decided to go for a walk." She was too prideful to admit her real reason for being out, and Sanji's last attempt to make food for her had been the worst meal she'd had in her life. "I'll be heading back to my room now."

Sanji said nothing, though when she reached him, her stomach let out a traitorous growl loud enough for them both to hear.

Blushing, she wrapped an arm over her stomach, hoping to quiet it. She'd taken two more steps when Sanji sneered, "Once a commoner, always a commoner. I suppose you're so used to being starving it still hasn't sunk in that you can eat however much you want here. Or maybe our food gained through conquering other countries isn't good enough for you."

Livid, she spun around, her climatact in her hand. She shoved it into Sanji's throat, pushing him against the wall. She mentally took back her wish of being able to control her tongue. The Vinsmokes deserved every nasty thing she had to say to them and more.

"Yes, I know what it's like to be starving," she hissed. "I grew up in a poor, impoverished village where my mother regularly went without food so my sister and I could eat. And then a pirate arrived one day and murdered my mother because he demands a living tax from everyone in his power and she paid to save her daughters instead of herself. And then I had the absolute pleasure of becoming a slave to the pirate who murdered her. Arlong locked me in a room and starvedme for days on end until he decided I had charted enough maps to deserve some food."

The cruelty that had been in Sanji's voice was nowhere on his face now, but she was too angry to care. He tried to swallow and winced at the pressure that it put on his neck with the climatact pressed against it.

"I lost my mother too," Sanji said.

"How?" Nami asked sarcastically. "Did your father kill her?"

"Kind of."

His response shocked her enough that she pulled climatact back. Sanji rubbed his throat, his eyes on the far wall. "She didn't approve of the experiments my father was performing on our genes while she was pregnant with us. She took medicine to try to counteract it, and it ultimately killed her. The strain was too much for her body."

That hadn'tbeen what Nami was expecting. That poor woman. What would it be like to not only have your children experimented by your husband, but have it done while they were still inside you? "I take it the medicine didn't work."

"It worked on me," Sanji admitted, rubbing the back of his head. "Somewhat, anyway. It didn't completely reverse what my father had done, but it did plenty. I'm much weaker and slower than my siblings. I'm not as pragmatic as my brothers when it comes to emotional things either. Father's never been pleased about that."

"That's why you're kind," Nami whispered.

"What? I didn't hear you."

"Nothing," she lied, blushing. Why had she said that out loud? At least now she knew why he was different from his brothers even after growing up in the same environment. And maybe the other threes' cruelty wasn't completely their fault. If Judge considered being "pragmatic" about emotional things to be an upgrade, he was seriously screwed in the head.

Her stomach growled again and she wished there was something she could do to silence it. "Sorry. I'll head back to my room now."

"Wait," he said, reaching out, but not touching her. "Let me take you to the kitchens." He smiled. "I promise what I make this time won't be as bad as last time."

"Why?" she asked, raising her eyebrows. "Do you have something premade this time?"

"Uh, no, but I've learned a thing or two…at least enough to make food that's edible."

"All right," she agreed, starved enough to come along.

They only took a few steps before he said, "You see us as the same as Arlong, don't you? Arlong used maps you didn't want to make to take over East Blue and now we're using maps you don't want to make to conquer North Blue. In your eyes, there isn't any difference."

"It's not that I don't want to make the maps," she said carefully. "I love cartography. I wouldn't have become so skilled at it if I didn't eat, sleep, and breath maps as a child. What I don't like is making maps that others use to hurt people, to take away other people's freedom." She paused. "But yes, I see little difference between what Arlong's doing and what your family is doing. Do you really believe there's a difference?"

"We're royalty, not pirates," Sanji said slowly, not wanting to set Nami off again. She had indicated before that she hadn't worked for Arlong willingly when she said she hadn't been safe with her crew, but he'd had no idea the story would be so bad…He wished he could kill the pirate captain right here and now. How could he lock up a little girl and starve her to get what he wanted? "Being ruled by pirates isn't the same as being ruled by royalty. Arlong just wants more control so he can pillage as he pleases. We plan to make a great nation."

"Do you think it looks any different to the people you conquer?" Nami asked. "Whether it's a pirate or Germa 66 who invades their country, they no longer have the same freedoms either way. And I think the Yashta kingdom would argue that Germa 66 does plenty of pillaging."

Sanji winced. "Yashta kingdom is now part of the Germa Kingdom, so it's not pillaging…At least, Father doesn't consider it to be. Since they're now part of our country, their wealth is our wealth."

They were quiet the rest of the way to the kitchen. When they entered, Nami sat and watched Sanji cook. It reminded him of the first time he'd cooked for her, and he wished they could go back a couple weeks. Back to when they were still engaged and seeming to get along well. On the heels of that thought, Sanji realized Nami might not know they were no longer engaged. Why would Judge bother telling her?

He tried to think of a natural way to bring it as he sliced some cold ham and made mashed potatoes. Wanting to be a little daring, he put a sweet glaze along the edge of the ham as the potatoes cooked. Finally, he presented Nami with a plate that looked at least four times as good as the first one he'd presented her with.

Hesitantly, she took a bite. "Hey, this actually isn't bad." She dug in after that, making Sanji smile, though his smile wilted at the corners soon after.

"That's good to hear. I had kind of hoped to be able to cook more for you…but I guess that won't happen now that we aren't getting married." His heart pounded after he said the words. How would she react?

Nami's eyebrows scrunched together as she seemed to mentally repeat his words. "What do you mean? Did you tell Judge—"

"No," he interrupted, cutting off whatever she was going to say. "It wasn't my doing." His lips twisted bitterly. "Yonji and Niji convinced our father that you're too valuable for the throw-away son to marry. He now wants you married to one of them so you and they can reach your full potentials together."

Was it his imagination, or did Nami turn green? "I don't want to marry them. It's supposed to be you. You're the best one."

His heart skipped a beat. He had just told her that he wasn't as good as his brothers…and then she'd said that he was the best one. He mentally shook himself. It didn't matter. He couldn't go against his father. "I thought you didn't want to marry me. You weren't exactly pleased with me the last time we spoke."

She glared. "Didn't I just explain why I was upset? You just came back from conquering a country . . . Is it something you enjoy doing? Honestly, if it is, I'm prepared to dislike you just as much as I do your brothers."

"So, you don't dislike me right now?" he couldn't help asking. Though the answer didn't really matter now, it still mattered to him. She watched him expectantly, tapping one foot rather than answering him. He sighed. "I do what I do because it's what my father desires of me. Ruling North Blue has never been my passion . . . not that I have one. I was jealous when I watched you drawing the maps. It's clear how much you love it. I wish I had something like that in my life."

"Have you ever been allowed to do anything other than fight?" she asked softly. "Have you ever been able to explore other things to find something you might love?"

Oddly, cooking flashed through his mind, but he pushed the thought aside. "Not really."

The room was quiet until she miserably asked, "Is there anything you can do to change your father's mind about who I marry?"

Sanji clenched his fist. He couldn't ignore the look of defeat on Nami's face. She had been pushed into servitude to her mother's murderer as a child and forced to help him conquer East Blue. Now she was being forced to do the same thing for a militaristic nation in North Blue. Sanji was the only one who could possibly do anything to better her situation…but even then, there was very little he could do.

"We could run away," he said, the words coming out of his mouth before the thought was even complete inside his head.

Her eyes widened and she turned pale before shaking her head. "No," she whispered. "Arlong would slaughter my island if I disappeared."

"Not if I killed him first." Where on Earth were these words coming from? He wasn't sure who he was anymore. At least, not who he was around Nami.

She gave a bitter laugh. "You think I haven't tried that? Arlong is too strong. There's a reason he's been able to take over East Blue unopposed, and it's not just my maps." She shook her head again. "I appreciate the suggestion, but I could never put my people at risk like that."

"Your sister is still there?" Nami had said 'daughters' back in the hall. He really hoped the answer was yes and not that her sister had been killed as well.

She nodded, smiling sadly. "When Arlong said I had to come here to marry one of the Germa Kingdom's princes, she tried to convince me to run away. Said I had spent enough of my life living it to save other people and that it was time to live it for myself. I couldn't though. I could never live with the lives of my whole island on my conscience."

Sanji wanted Nami to be able to live her life for herself too. To blossom by navigating and charting maps for the love of it, rather than for others to conquer those who had done them no wrong.

"I would have to be better than my brothers," he said. Nami looked confused, so he continued. "Judge wants whichever prince works best with you to marry you. If it's going to be me, I would have to be better at conquering than the others." He held his hands out to the side helplessly. "But if I did that, you wouldn't want to be with me."

Nami bit her lip. "Could you conquer lands while minimizing casualties? That would make me feel better. Germa will conquer them anyway, but, at least that way, less people would die."

"I…don't know," he said slowly. "It's not a thought that's ever crossed my mind, but I can try. For you."

"Why do you care?" she asked, peering at Sanji in a way that both made him want to hide and want to get closer to her. It felt like her gaze was trying to pierce his soul. "Not that I'm upset about you wanting to marry me, but why does it matter to you? You know why you're the one I want to marry."

"I…" Without thinking, which seemed to be his specialty that night, he brushed the back of his hand down the side of her face. He was pleased when she didn't move away from his touch. "Who I marry was always going to be decided by my father, but I always hoped it would be someone vibrant and strong. I had an argument with Ichiji when he insulted you for not having royal blood. I told him he was welcome to marry a docile princess, but that I wanted someone who could be my equal."

"Like Yonji?" she asked, raising one eyebrow. "He's said he doesn't want a docile princess either."

Sanji shook his head. "No, I think Yonji wants someone who will be by his side during military campaigns." For some reason, Nami turned pale when he said that, but he continued without asking her about it. Maybe it was just low blood sugar. He gestured at the ham, silently telling her to keep eating. "That's not what I want. I, uh, think you already know what I think about women being around violence. Any man who would raise his hand against a woman is scum. I don't think the battlefield is the place for a lady, but I want a woman who will match me intellectually, and who won't stand for others to walk all over her."

"Yet you chastised me for not allowing your brothers to do just that," Nami argued, her look teasing. He was relieved she was teasing rather than angry. He hadn't been sure how bringing up women and fighting would go over.

"I just…don't want to see you get hurt. And I can't protect you from them."

"I don't mind you wanting to protect me. I do mind you objecting to me defending myself."

"What am I supposed to do if you get hurt?" To his shock, tears came to Nami's eyes. "What? What did I say wrong?" His heart raced at the thought that he'd done something wrong when things had been going so well.

She stood abruptly, turning away. "It's nothing." Her voice shook slightly and she brushed her hand against her eyes. "Just that no one other my sister has really cared what happened to me for a long time."

"What about the other villagers?" He asked, coming up behind her. He wanted to touch her, but wasn't sure how she would react. "Aren't they grateful for everything you've sacrificed for them?"

She shook her head. "They never would have tolerated Arlong taking me if they knew I wasn't going willingly. Enough people had already died for me. I wasn't going to let anyone else die. So, they think I joined Arlong for the sake of money. They all hate me."

Slowly, Sanji put a hand on her shoulder. She tensed, but didn't move, so he placed his other hand on her opposite shoulder. "I'm sorry," he whispered, knowing it was inadequate, but he had nothing else to offer her. Then, he realized he did have something else to offer.

"I won't let my brothers have you," he promised. He had no idea how he would keep such a promise, but he knew he had to. He absolutely had to. "I will gain my father's confidence so he'll allow us to marry." Softly, he brushed a kiss against the top of her head.

She turned to stare at him. For a moment, he wondered if she was going to kiss him. Instead, she leaned forward and kissed his cheek, which was almost as good.

"Thank you, Sanji. I'm counting on you, okay?"

There was that vulnerable look in her eye again, the look he was certain very few people ever saw. He would not let her trust down.