Chapter Text
a new chapter brought to you by more responsibilities that should given more priorities but I am just a hot mess
"What's happening to young master Jin?"
"His hands! Look at his hands!"
The disciples present gasped in horror at the sight of the young master's hands. The nails growing dark and thick and fingers plump and hard like a beast. "Sect Leader, what should we do?"
Jiang Wanyin grit his teeth and held back the fear as he yelled, "Bring the Lan medicine from the treasure hall. Now!" Among all his disciples it was Fairy who set off to get the bottle first along with some of the other hounds. He set steady hands on Jin Ling, "Jin Ling look at me. Look at me."
Those brown eyes were blown so big as he looked at him heaving. "Jin Ling try to talk to me. Say something."
All he let out was a groan. Eye so unfocused and droopy as the sweat shined on his skin. "Anything it can be anything. Just focus and come back to me."
"Uncle?" It was so hoarse. He'd been fine just a few minutes ago. This is unnatural not to mention the state of his body as a whole. It's not the same as turning into a hound; the claws are far too thick for that.
"Just keep talking. Jin Ling keep talking," This sight is familiar in a way that unnerves him. Jin Ling should not be ending up like him. His core shouldn't even be developed enough for such a thing. "Where is that medicine!"
A shaky hand grabbed it from one of the hounds and handed it over, "Here Sir."
If it worked on Wei Wuxian then it should work on Jin Ling. It should help him. Jiang Wanyin plugged his nose and tilt back his head to make sure Jin Ling swallowed. It tastes like ass and he's not allowed to throw up a single drop no matter how much he's convulsing.
This needs to work. This needs to.
One sip. Then two.
The body cools and the changes recede. "Sect Leader... will… will young master Jin Ling be alright?"
"None of this. Speak none of what you saw if you want to keep standing on two legs." The thick smell of ozone and lightning grease hangs in the air as he hoists Jin Ling up. "Can you stand?"
All he gets is a groan, "It's okay. You're going to be fine."
His nephew has certainly grown heavier since he'd last picked him up but he does it all the same and heads back to his chambers with the hounds following behind. "I know. I saw it too."
One of his most trusted hounds opens the door for him and he nods back politely before setting Jin Ling on the daybed. Fairy as always sits beside him the loving protector she is. "I taught him how to change specifically to avoid something like this."
The flow in the meridians is fine and his core is young but strong same as always. Jiang Wanyin is no medic, but he understands this spell enough to know that physically nothing should have happened between now and Dafan to trigger such a thing. The concerned yip from Fairy pulls out a sigh, "I know. Why do you think I brought him here?"
He just needs to make sure the condition is stable. If the changes start coming back then… He's not a weak kid anymore. He's more than capable of handling this. Jin Ling will be fine.
"Why? Why didn't it work?" He did it exactly as he's supposed to. Exactly as father had taught but Wei Wuxian hadn't- he'd deserved the anger in Lan Wangji's eyes. He'd deserved the lost composure of Second Jade who had been doing everything to keep Wei Wuxian alive.
"You almost drowned him."
I did everything like I was supposed to. I did all of it but…
"It's going to be okay. You simply weren't ready just yet." Jiang Fengmian said putting a hand that was meant to comfort but all it did was sour him inside. It was so easy for him to do it. He had no hesitation when Wei Wuxian dipped him back in the water and bit over the sloppy mark he'd made over the collarbone.
The secret was the fear for the victim's life. The survival instinct that said to take this form because it was stronger. But also, the caster had to be willing to let them drown. To make them bleed. To attempt the impossible and bring someone back from a state of near-death in a new shape.
Just say it. Say that I failed. That I lack conviction.
Wei Wuxian slaughtered an ancient and powerful beast and all he'd done is run for help and make things worse when he saw the state of his body. "He's not breathing.
Failure. Stale and hard failure.
The part that hurt worst was how beautiful a dog Wei Wuxian made. Sleek dark hair, large and powerful; you would almost mistake him for wolf if not for the softness of his ears. "Is he going to be alright?"
"Lan Wangji, you did well keeping him in this state for as long as you did without the proper catalyst. We apologize that you had to use something so valuable to do so."
"Is he going to be alright?"
Soft and gentle brushes across Wei Wuxian's face as he lay their unconscious. "Yes. He'll live but right now he is far too weak to change back. He needs to be like this a few days."
On the road home with that failure stinging is his chest he'd asked, "If… if we hadn't done this what would have happened?"
"Wei Wuxian likely would have had qi deviation and died in transit."
I would have killed him
"There is no shame in not being able to cast it yet. It's a difficult method and you're still young," Don't pity him! Jiang Wanyin wanted none of that. None at all. That cold Lan Wangji can do it and maintain it for far longer. Why can't he? Why is he so weak still despite trying so hard?
Why is everything about him just- just wrong?
She was there with them traveling on all fours and when they had to stop for the night she sat beside him while the world slept. "What's wrong? You're more upset than usual for your cranky self."
"I hesitated. You both taught me and I still hesitated."
Her hand laced with his, "It's different to know how to change yourself than another. I can do it because I have lived so long in between forms. Your father can because he's learned by having to punish. What you think is failure is only natural."
"I still hesitated."
"Because you care. Because you are kind." She slowly raised her other hand to caress his face. "I like that about you. That despite all your anger you have so much love underneath." Sometimes Jiang Wanyin wished she wasn't always honest.
It's far too embarrassing to hear these things. She smiled so wide in that way that makes him think she's laughing in her own way. The kiss on his cheek is warm with sun and love. Sometimes he wished she could walk in this state but her legs are still and the muscles next to nothing.
"I know you don't understand but I don't like being torn between. I don't want to be struggling to know who I am."
"Why bring this up now?"
"Because like with everything Wei Wuxian has it easy. He knows exactly where he stands and what he wants. He knows that no matter what he's human and that he wants that."
"Comparing yourself to another is unwise," She scolds softly. Her dark eyes get that playful glint, "Want to know a secret?"
No. No he does not. Her secrets are less that and more ideas and facts that will come to haunt him the dead of night. Jiang Wanyin also knows she'll whisper it into his ear regardless of his answer and she does so softly.
"Very few people ever want to stay as just that."
"That's no secret."
"Is it now? Because it seems to me very few people genuinely want a simple human life and yet they claim they do," Her fingers idly draw little animals in the dirt, "So many think of flying on great wings or swimming through the seas endlessly; some are even foolish enough to want to be something immortal."
"Are you mocking cultivators?"
Are you mocking me?
"I am mocking the idea that what you think of yourself is so unique. A-Cheng, you are not alone in this. Not nearly to the extent you think. If there is anyone I would pity it's that boy."
It doesn't change how he feels. How much it hurts.
How alone he feels when that fire consumes his home and the only other person there is the one who caused it all.
"Can I tell you one more?"
"You don't listen to me anyway."
"A-Cheng, I think you'll be a wonderful sect leader and a father. A great man."
Watching Wei Wuxian move in a way that while not dead was not nearly alive hurt him. It hurt him to know the man could not eat or that when he slept he'd scream with nightmares. That he could do nothing to help him. That in all of Yunmeng Jiang and Lotus Pier loneliness haunted them all.
Meals eaten without laughter. A monster everyone whispered about from the corners that he called his brother despite leaving him alone. Despite the fact that Wei Wuxian lived in shadows and drank endlessly with eyes better suited for the dead.
"How can you be so pathetic! Do you plan to waste away in dark for the rest of your life? Get up and stand with me. Stand by my side like we promised."
"You're fine. It's better this way." Better for who? When Jiang Wanyin had pulled at that arm for the first time in ages he'd felt how cold the skin was. How the texture wasn't pure skin. "Don't touch me. Don't look at me!"
Those eyes that glowed red and the blood dripping from where horns were sprouting. "What's wrong with you?"
"Nothing."
"Be honest and tell me what's causing this or I'll get Jie-Jie to fuss at you till you confess."
For someone so tall Wei Wuxian was doing everything to be small and compact in his dark corner. "No… I will talk just please keep this from Shijie. Please?"
It was painful to see the man in full light with the appearance of not a man but a monster. A true monster. "What is happening to you? Does this have to do with your demonic arts?"
"No. No. Nothing like that."
"Then what?" What would do something so awful to the man? What could cause this?
"Can you keep a secret?"
He never felt more alone than when Wei Wuxian told him the truth and disappeared with the Wen refugees shortly after.
I could have helped you. I could have done something to save you.
There had been so much fire in his blood when he'd attacked Wei Wuxian. So much rage when he died and Jiang Wanyin was alone again.
Alone.
So alone.
He watched vigil over Jin Ling the whole night waiting for signs of the conditions return.
"If a core develops greatly too fast then the cultivator will start to turn into an animal. A monster if they're strong enough. That's why you're not supposed to consume in vast quantities. If the Wens had paced themselves then they wouldn't have been so far gone."
Jin Ling can't be doing that. He just can't! What's happening is a fluke! A trick!
Otherwise then…
If Jiang Wanyin must, he'll hunt the prey himself.
In the light of the moon that cast on the Jinshi's porch Wei Wuxian waited all the while dreading the response. The only response was a simple:
"Why?"
"Because, Gusu and the state of these Rabbits- all of it- it's unnatural. If say, I was an honest man who knew of things from the SunShot Campaign it would remind me too much of the Wen Clan. That is if I am completely honest. Which I am not."
Lan Wangji almost looks amused and who could blame him. They've been distantly playing to this tune while sitting on opposite ends of the room it has all the while been silly. Wei Wuxian though is not one for being open or honest if he can help it. Not when it's burdensome.
Not when it will only cause pain.
"Lan Wangji, would you say it reminds you? Would you say there are too many Rabbits?"
"It's not unusual to have an upswing in numbers."
"It is if they turn back. Does wine turn back into water on its own? Do birds return to eggs once hatched?" Wei Wuxian wisped.
"People change on their own. It happens."
Wei Wuxian narrowed his eyes. Come now, don't act blind! "I figured at this stage in your own transformation you'd be more aware."
"Aware of what?"
"That someone was reverting them on purpose."
this author be like hmm I implied vague and horrible things by accident a couple chapters back. better use them so people think I smart.
feed me your reviews. I use them as nourishment