"Hey...Stargazing Boy."
I looked out across the lawn and saw NamJoon lying on his back in the grass. "What are you doing out there?" I called, my voice carried on a soft breeze.
"Come out here," was his only answer, and I left the terrace behind to walk out to him. When I got near him, I saw that he looked soft and comfortable, wearing pajama pants with little koala bears on them and a t-shirt. He motioned me to come closer and I knelt in the grass at his side.
"The stars are out tonight."
"Yeah. Is that what you're doing out here?" I asked, tipping my head back to look up at the sky, still finding it a little disconcerting that he was lying on the ground.
"I used to have a big telescope. I think they got rid of it when they made the arts and crafts room."
"Why do you have an arts and crafts room?" I asked, looking back down at him.
He reached for my hand, clasping it lightly in his fingers and setting it on his stomach before using his free hand to pillow his head. "One of the maids brought in this picture frame that she'd made and I complimented it. The next thing I knew I had an arts and crafts room. I've never even been in it, what am I going to make with a bunch of beads and glitter? But the servants are always trying to be a step ahead of me and keep me entertained."
I shook my head. "That's crazy."
"They've done that sort of thing since I was a kid." He glanced up at me. "You could make something."
"What would I make?"
"You could make me a Valentine's Day card. With a lot of glitter on it," he suggested.
"It's May."
"So you've got plenty of time to work on your design."
I sighed. This was my NamJoon. He was the arrogant, callous high school student. He was the commanding and decisive new CEO. But this one was just for me, the goofy one wearing koala bear jammies with the questionable sense of humor. I turned my hand and tightened my fingers on his. Just because it felt good.
"Did you have fun shopping?" he asked.
"Yeah," I let more words pass my lips, thoughts that I would normally have kept to myself. "It was strange to be able to spend money without worrying about it, to just buy whatever I wanted. I bought some things for my family."
"I missed you." I looked over and his eyes caught mine. "When I came back home and you weren't here, it didn't feel right."
"I- I'll keep that in mind. I'll try not to stay out late again," I said, feeling a little breathless, his words and nearness beginning to have an effect.
"No. I'm not trying to stop you from doing the things you want to do. I just want you to know how much I care, how much I need you."
I nodded. His words didn't make me anxious or afraid, they made me feel...safe.
"YoonGi, I know this is all really hard for you and I'm doing my best to understand. I want you to know that I'm here in any way that you need to help you put things back together." His fingers squeezed mine, cool and comforting. "Just... whatever you need, I want to give it to you."
"I'm not going to try to pick up the pieces anymore." I watched as his mouth twisted into a frown, concern flaring in his eyes. "I thought about it and...the solution is to move forward and create new pieces, a new future. Looking back and trying to hold onto the past...just isn't going to work."
"That makes a lot of sense." His face relaxed, but his eyes held mine. "We're both facing futures that weren't what we planned. I want to be your support and I hope that you can be mine."
"I...think I'm probably in love with you," I finally admitted, the words coming out on a puff of air that felt as if it had been trapped in my chest for eons.
He chuckled. "Probably? You've loved me from the very beginning. From the first moment. I know because I've loved you, too. But what does love look like if you weren't searching for it, if you don't get to know one another, if you don't follow the normal route of dates and romance? It looked like a fascination with your taste and your body. You were my A Doua Inima, my soulmate, and I thought you were just a delicious meal and a pretty face."
"It's like an invasion." The words made my heart squeeze, but it felt good to get them out. Right. Freeing. "Like I'm losing myself and being taken over. It's terrifying."
"Don't be afraid. You've taken over me, too. All I ever think about is you and your happiness. What can I do in this moment to protect YoonGi's happiness? To secure our future. I'm not afraid of it, it's making me stronger, making me a better person." He sat up, his free hand going to my shoulder, his eyes steady and warm.
"I'll do that. I'll try to let it make me a better person. Try to let it take me further than I'd ever imagined myself going. That sounds so much better than fighting it." Things were releasing inside of me, great jagged pieces of fear, denial, pain, uncertainty and more, all breaking loose and falling down. Tears gathered in my eyes as everything collected into a great, agonizing wave and then crashed down, flowing out of me, releasing into the night air.
NamJoon wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close to his chest.
"So, say it again. Tell me you love me, without the 'probably'."
My breath caught in my throat, the words trapped on my tongue. It was the final brick waiting to be dislodged, the last of my defenses and worries, my resistance and my hesitation. I'd be left completely bared to him, vulnerable. I'd have to trust in him, trust in us.
I buried my face in his shoulder. "I love you. Don't make me regret it. I love you."
He held me quietly, a hand slowly rubbing up and down my back. I was letting all of the changes settle into me, new thoughts and intentions taking hold, sinking in, replacing the old. It was a little scary, facing a new direction, setting myself on a new course, stepping into the unknown, but I trusted myself and I was learning that I could trust NamJoon. We were in this together, even if it was just caused by a random stroke of fate or some secret hidden in my blood, we would be together.
I would let that be a comfort to me, allow it to be a source of strength. It didn't have to be a trap. It didn't have to destroy me. A simple change of my perspective could free me, it could make all the difference. All I needed to do was to let go of the things I'd held onto in the past and be open to that change. I just had to grab hold and make it happen.
I pressed a hand against his chest and lifted my head to look up at him. He looked back, a little smile on his lips, his eyes warm and happy. Happy. An answering joy was rising up in my veins, an unnatural sting flowing through me. I'd been suffering for so long, I'd held torment close to my heart, I'd identified myself by it, I'd built myself on it. I hadn't searched for happiness and I'd chased it away, suspicious and defensive, whenever it approached.
So, it was painful now, unfamiliar and rusty. I would have to learn to feel it without anxiety or guilt, without reaching immediately for self-denial. Because he was going to make me happy. He was determined and he was too strong, too powerful to be denied and I...I loved him too much to turn that happiness away. I wanted it, even if it felt like I was betraying my past self. I would let the old me go. I would be brave enough to embrace a new version of myself.
I stretched up to kiss him, nipping at his lips and flicking my tongue over them, tasting him, feeling the soft smoothness of his skin. He was slow to respond, just letting me have my way, his hands at my waist, supporting me as I teased the seam of his lips until they parted and let me in.
His lips had been cool and still, but inside his mouth I found a tempest, his tongue greedy and bold, meeting mine with a demanding passion that felt like pitching into an ocean, robbing me of breath. His hands lifted me effortlessly, sliding me over onto his lap where I straddled his waist, pushed myself closer and closer, feeling my cock harden as it pressed against his stomach.
Wrapping my arms around his neck, I sighed into his mouth. I could let myself have this, enjoy this with no lingering questions or guilt. He could just be mine. He wanted to be mine. I could relax into this and draw all of the pleasure from it. I could want it and have it and keep it with no reservations. His hands pulled my shirt from my pants and slid up under the fabric, cold fingers exploring the skin of my back as it grew hotter and hotter under his touch.
Breaking away from the kiss, I came up for air, tipping my head back and moaning. That feeling was there, the feeling that the snowflakes had carried into me, but it was coming from inside of me. My heart was pumping it through my veins. My love for NamJoon fueled my heart, it was my heart. It was everything and it wasn't something that he'd filled me with, it was real, it was all mine, all me.
"Hyung…"
His hands moved to the front of my shirt and worked their way down the row of buttons so fast that it didn't seem real. He flicked the sides open, his hands moving to push the shirt off my shoulders even as his head swooped down to suck a nipple into his mouth. I cried out, wrenching my hands free of my sleeves, to fist them in the t-shirt that covered his back, holding him tightly to me. He was being rougher than usual, his teeth scraping and biting, his tongue lapping roughly, his lips sucking hard, making my hips buck up against him as desire twisted low in my belly and flooded through me.
"You smell so fucking good," he said as he kissed a trail across my chest to my other pec. "I'm going to devour you."
My heart leapt with excitement, my hips rocking forward, my body hungry for him to act out his words. His hands slipped between us as his mouth attacked my nipple, his fingers unfastening my pants and slipping inside to stroke my cock through my boxers. I ground myself against his hand before forcing myself to think and act.
"Hyung." I pulled myself away from him, but his teeth refused to release my nipple, stopping my movement with a stinging bite that almost made me come.
This time the cry that escaped my mouth was loud and tinged with pain. He immediately released my nipple and asked, "You okay?"
"Yeah," I moaned, pressing my shaft against his fingers. "I just…"
But he was already moving, yanking his t-shirt off and tossing it onto the grass. He cupped the back of my head with his free hand and pulled me in for another kiss, this one furious with passion as if he really would devour me. His fingers still rubbed my cock, light and teasing, a lethal contrast to his savage mouth.
When his lips finally released me, my breaths came out on keening sobs. I was so close to coming that I felt as if it would tear me apart.
He lifted me to my feet as if I were weightless and then stood up himself. I was unsteady, legs trembling, so close to exploding that I couldn't see straight. He hooked his thumbs in the waistband of my boxers and began pushing them down along with my pants.
"What are you doing?" I slapped at his hands and tried to step away. "We have to go inside."
"No we don't," he said calmly, keeping me firmly in place. "This is my fucking backyard."
"Anyone could see."
"I want you to make love to me. I want you to fuck me and I want to look up at you while you're doing it and see the stars behind you."
"Wait. W-what?" So many things. He'd just said so many things and I just couldn't comprehend…
He bent to push my pants down while I was lost in confusion and nudged me to step out of my loafers and then the pants before quickly slipping off my socks.
I was shaking my head and saying "I don't think-", but he straightened up, gripped his pajama pants at the top of his thighs, and tore them off as if they were made of tissue paper.
"YoonGi." His hand slipped behind my neck and he drew me closer. "Don't tell me no."
There was that feeling, that feeling that I'd thought of as his Seduction in the beginning, but it was an intoxicating need. A need to please him, to please myself, to drown with him in passion. I fell into his kiss and let him pull me back down to the cool grass, sighing as his hands skimmed over my body, massaged my shoulders, my back and my ass before he pushed me away and I looked down to see that I was kneeling between his legs.
"I don't...I don't know…"
He smiled up at me, his eyes burning and...trusting. "You know what to do, YoonGi. You're a man." He caught my hand in his and set it on his stomach. "I want you to touch me. You aren't going to hurt me, there's no need to be gentle. Just touch me."
I swept my fingers down, following the trail of hair that led to his cock, holding my breath, not thinking of where I was going, just focusing on the little patch of skin my fingertips grazed over, cool and smooth and perfect. And then his shaft, rising up thick and hard, dripping precum that held its own tiny stars. My hand climbed it, fingers squeezing gently, gliding over the head, gathering up the wetness, ready to push back down his length and coat it with a glittery film, but…
Thirst struck, my tongue demanded, and I quickly pushed my first two fingers into my mouth, sucking off the tangy, orange-flavored precum. I raised my eyes to look at him and got lost in his gaze. He was trusting, he was encouraging, supporting. He was aroused, waiting patiently for me to satisfy him, to give him what he'd always given to me.
I made sure that my fingers were coated with moisture before I pulled them from my mouth and looked down at his hole. Bending his knees, he spread his legs wider, opening himself to me, inviting me in. I dropped my hand between his legs and touched his hole with a fingertip, circled it, pressed gently, testing for resistance.
My heart pounded, my chest flooded with heat. My arousal had waned under the shock of his request, but seeing his hole, touching it, knowing that I would soon understand what it felt like to be buried inside of him...need rushed through me, a hot craving, an undeniable lust.
I looked up at his face as I pushed my finger a little harder against his hole, slipping in slowly, watching as his eyelids fell over his eyes and his lips parted as he concentrated on my finger as it moved over his walls. I knew how good it felt, how it caught all of his attention and trapped it in a breathless pleasure. The thought made my cock throb and I quickly pulled my finger out to add a second. There was no reason to be careful, he was nearly indestructible and I was no longer hesitant, my entire body was pounding with the need to feel him gripping my shaft.
Two fingers in and I pushed at his walls, stretching him open, preparing him for me and at the same time searching for his prostate, his body giving a jerk when I found it and he released a soft cry. I pressed and stroked that sensitive spot, slipping a third finger in, watching his face twist with emotion, enjoying how vulnerable he was to my touch and the control I had over his pleasure.
His walls clenched around my fingers and I was suddenly desperate to bury myself in him, to know what it was to fuck him. I slipped my fingers from his hole and used them to spread my own precum down my shaft, flinching at how raw my skin felt, guiding my head to his entrance and pushing in.
He was tight, so fucking tight. I pushed into him slowly, eyes closed, focused on the feel of sinking into him, the way it was filling my head with bliss, overloading my mind with ecstasy.
"YoonGi."
I opened my eyes to see him looking at me with a gaze that was slightly out of focus. His hands moved to tug at my wrists, pulling me down so that he could wrap his arms around me. "You're inside of me," he said, his voice breathless, almost a whisper. "I didn't know it would feel this good. Fuck, it feels good."
I scattered kisses across his shoulders and then propped myself on my elbows and moved my hips experimentally, pulling out and slowly pushing deeper, watching the way pleasure crossed his face. I wanted to take my time, to enjoy every moment, but there was an intense pressure building in my hips. My body wanted to ruin him.
I hissed as I fought back against the urge, my hands tightening into fists as I forced myself to hold back. NamJoon's fingers landed on my ass, gripped tight, yanked me roughly into him. "Do it. I know you want to, I can smell it on you. Fuck me hard."
I rose up further, put a hand on his knee, pulled back and thrust deep and hard, jarring a moan from his mouth. It was instant addiction, my body had found the path to heaven and there was no stopping it. I pounded into him, trying to go deeper, fiercer, faster. I reached my free hand over his stomach and he caught it with his, interlocking our fingers, holding tight.
There was that feeling, that deep feeling of love, flowing out of me, finding him, our souls tangling together. "Hyung…" All that I could think of was him, the way his head was thrown back, his mouth moaning. I could smell him, a light scent of citrus and his taste was still on my tongue. All that I could do was slam forward, digging deep, searching for his center, wanting to disappear inside of him.
An orgasm built, pressure growing behind my cock and his hand tugged on mine, his voice rasping, "Don't come. Not yet. I don't want this to end."
I cried out, my voice filling the open air, glad, so glad, I didn't want it to end either. I wanted more and more of him. I couldn't get enough, each stroke made me thirsty for another. I didn't want to lose this feeling, drowning in him, bound to him, knowing I was the cause of the moans that were spilling from his lips.
Dew was rising up from the grass, cool against my heated skin, chilling like NamJoon's depths, making it feel like he was surrounding me, everywhere on my skin. Pulling my hand from his grasp, I used both hands to explore his body, rubbing down his thighs and up the flat plain of his stomach, tracing his pecs and tweaking his nipples. I bent to kiss his neck, feeling his skin vibrate beneath my tongue as he moaned.
I raised my head and grabbed handfuls of his hair, pulling his mouth to mine, invading him with my tongue, another way to be inside of him, to conquer him, to make him mine. His arms were wrapped around me, holding me tight, his hips pushing up to meet my hard strokes, walls gripping me.
When I finally lifted my lips from his mouth, I felt as if my consciousness was stuttering. My body was a machine that would not stop fucking him, but my heart and mind felt as if they would explode from the pleasure that just kept piling up. I cried out, raw with emotion and the feel of being surrounded by him.
"My Love…" he whispered and took my hand to guide it to his cock. "Let's come, My Love."
I stroked my hand up and down his hard length clumsily, closing my eyes and savoring the feel of being inside of him, knowing that it would end soon. NamJoon's hands gripped my ass and started helping me to fuck him harder, sending me crashing into him again and again and I tightened my hold on his shaft, matching his rhythm and his ferocity.
"Now," he hissed, his voice tight with emotion.
My whole body shuddered as I buried myself in him and released my seed. I cried out, hips continuing to jerk forward and search for more of him. My body overtaken by a wave of euphoria and relaxation, I collapsed down onto his chest, raising my hands to hold his shoulders, gasping quietly for air.
His arms came around me, his hands stroking over my back, fingers ruffling through my hair. I could feel his chest softly shuddering as he trembled beneath me. Cradling me gently, he rolled us over so that I was lying on my back in the cool grass. His lips found my neck and kissed a trail down, over my collarbone, to my left pec.
I held my breath, my muscles tightening, anticipating what was coming as his tongue lapped my skin and his teeth sank carefully into the flesh above my heart. My breath released on a slow, prolonged moan as his golden light pumped thick and strong through my veins, twining with the love that already filled me, consuming me with a warm ecstasy.
He didn't take too much. I could feel him, holding back, his lips and tongue tender on my skin, his mouth drinking tiny sips with pauses in between, drawing out our pleasure, setting my heart on fire. My eyes opened and I looked up at the stars above us, twinkling boldly in the darkness, never surrendering, daring to light up the night, even though they were small.
NamJoon was pulling his mouth away, lapping at my skin, tightening his arms around me to roll us back over again, moving my body from the cold dampness of the grass to his cool, firm chest.
"YoonGi, My Love, thank you. Thank you for coming into my life and bringing me love. Thank you for loving me. I'm going to love you forever. I promise."
I pushed myself up on weak, sleepy arms and looked down at him. He really was beautiful. His eyes, full of joy, caught my gaze and then flicked up and refocused, taking in the stars around me. My heart tightened in my chest.
"I'll love you, too. Forever."
Author's Note: Thank you so much for reading this :). I actually forgot that I'd started posting it here. Then I saw an email in my inbox that someone had bookmarked it and was like, "Oops". So, I posted the remainder of the chapters. I'm not going to put anymore BTS AUs here because there isn't a category for them (which is literally insane). You can find this story and all of my other BTS fics on Archive of Our Own where they are also under the name Cassakane.
Any feedback you have is always greatly appreciated.