DEFIANCE AND REPENTANCE
Irina gawked at the seagull which warily perched up near her head, looking back and forth to fly away. Pecking on the crab which drilled a hole into the wet sand, the seagull took flight to sky. Freedom… Nature… Joy… She started enjoying every second with no regret, no restraints, no shackles. Coughing out all the saltwater from her lungs, as ocean spat her out, she laughed like a maniac rolling to rest on her back on the salty sand, when the drizzling rain cleansed her. The first day she'd come, she'd screamed and jumped into the water, and had cried. She'd cried for missing out on this life. She'd cried for the lost freedom. No more tears, anyway. All the defiance acts she'd done against her family kept her feet floating above in the air.
Her long dark-brown strands were wet, and she had to crawl moving to the dry shore. This was her first step in breaking her brother's rule. She never left to the castle until the sun would come down.
"Take this to cover yourself, my lady." The old man, Paxter, wrapped her with a cloak and she struggled to stand without his help. "You strained yourself too much." He lamented the complaint coming out. "More than the other days. You went too far in the ocean."
"I won, as I said I would. Those lots couldn't reach where I had gone." She gleamed, but he didn't share her joy. Of course, the old man wouldn't. Aegon had taken him out of service because her brother assumed Paxter hadn't done his duty, which was to protect her and the ladies who were supposedly attacked. It took four days, and Orys's help, to locate his house, in which he was getting wasted away. With no family and no duty, he looked the shell of a man when she'd finally found him. And he had cried, begging her to forgive for not protecting her. It was a devastating event. He had done no wrong. Irina had sent him away to not let him involve with Terrance and Rhaenys. So, she'd requested him to come under her service, and had promised to share meat and mead, which the old man had accepted with reluctance.
There was more than one reason for taking him back. He had been a loyal old man, even in her father's service. He would give his life if needed. Above all that, this was the second 'fuck you' to Aegon. The moment her brother had discovered who she'd hired, his nostrils had flared and green veins in his neck ticked that she'd wondered if he would change into Balerion. After all, the castle knew Aegon had dismissed Paxter. Someone would learn that Aegon's words had been surpassed. It had been a delight to defy him, even when Aegon had requested her not to do. She gave no care for his words as she'd walked out.
"Do you think we can give a visit to Dragonmont?" Irina enquired, riding back to the castle. The old man seemed too grumpy to share her opinion. He would not commit any risks that would put her in danger. It would be a beautiful revenge if she could take Aegerax before the wedding. Although, somewhere she started wondering if she was crossing a line because her wedding was on the next day. In any case, to indulge in any of her bold stupor, she wouldn't take the old man. That was when her old friend would pitch in.
"Do you know how many men your brother has wounded today?" Vyl asked, helping her down from the horse and holding her arms, walking her towards the courtyard. Yeah, she had taken him back to her service. The third defiance. Aegon had willfully sent her only friend away because he had been wary of anyone helping Irina. Now, it was time to take back everything she had deserved. Vyl had been more than glad to join when she had asked of him. But something about him had changed. She couldn't place what it was, but the quirky nature in him had gone.
"How many?" She asked staring at Aegon who now swung his sword against Daemon Valeryon, the Lord of Driftmark. There were lords who had started piling up to attend the wedding. And she was aware of Lord Daemon's friendship with both Aegon and Visenya. A little more than friendship with Visenya. With muscular shoulder and thick body, Aegon only gave attacks to the Driftmark lord and ended the fight within five minutes, as Daemon's ass landed on dirt. The way her brother had done it, the fight looked like a child's play. Every day he was there in the fighting pit, drilling his sword against all the guards that Ser Quenton had trained. He was not even wielding Blackfyre. It was a blunt sword in hand and he was taking down men like they were lambs.
"Eight…" Vyl answered. "No one wants to train with him. They are feared to face even his blunt sword. Some are whispering he is venting out because of his dislike at the wedding. And he has accepted this only to honor you, who apparently is carrying another man's child. Some are saying he deserves the punishment as his father… ahem… your father did the same with other men's wives." Vyl said with flattened emotion.
"You gossip like a girl." She chided, staring at him in disgust.
"Who do you think spread these strange tales? All those scullery maids who warm my bed at night never put their mouth to rest. Trust me, this is somewhat the good tale I hear. They say more wonderful tales about your sister that I want to jump into the ocean. "
"About Rhaenys?"
"No the witch lady, who always scowls. You should be glad that you are spared. They pity you, now." Suddenly they broke out laughing. She forgot what it was to have him as a friend. She forgot how to not care for anything. It felt nice now.
"Don't go anywhere near my brother. He will take it as a chance to end your life and prove his point to me."
"Are you gambling with my life?" Vyl feigned a shock over his face. She casually avoided that question. Her own life was a gamble. Irina had admitted Vyl about Aegon transferring him only to make her a prisoner. She hadn't gone over the details. He hadn't asked either, or for that matter, he was in any position to understand the complications. What he had grasped was, Aegon had betrayed her trust, and that had made Vyl to join her boat. His loyalty went ocean deep for Irina.
When the whole courtyard became silent, she observed that everyone's eyes were set on her, specifically on her, because the Lord of Dragonstone was drilling his glance right into her laughing mockery or her wet clothes and wet hair. Lord Daemon Valeryon murmured unintelligible words to Aegon that her brother's ears turned flushing red in anger, she presumed, or something else…
Her observation period had given out some predictions. One was, Aegon was angry… Although she had expected his anger to be the reflection of her defiances, because she had been vying on wounding him, something more was brewing in him. He was having issues in directing that anger. Not deciding to linger more on him, she gave a proud smile, directing at Aegon, and looped her arm into Vyl before turning away. What better way to make an enemy feel bitter, other than to live happily?
"Don't turn… My brother won't bother to simply throw his sword in the air and cut your neck." She warned silently to Vyl.
"The lord might… Are you going to tell what you did to earn his wrath? Because, the way I see it, once he marries you, he will exact revenge a thousand times back." Vyl chuckled. "I guess you will be begging him tomorrow. I will ask the old man to guard your door. I don't have the willpower to see you suffer and let it slide. I will barge in and call him for a fight."
"Since when did you start caring for anyone besides yourself?"
"I don't." Vyl shrugged. "Which means I also don't care for your brother, either. I am in your service and if he hurts you, I will fight him." He said casually. Something was bothering him. She guessed he wouldn't spill it out even if she asked. Everyone had some buried demons. She would not be fessing up her own to Vyl, so she didn't ask him. Right then, his loyalty to her was what she was happy about. And she had more problems to focus. One such was to prepare for what Aegon would do to her in bedding. He would hurt. Wasn't it obvious? She just had to prepare for facing him. She would not show any weakness.
She woke up the next day and prepared herself for imagining this was any other day. The hard part in learning to live with this family was never to let them smell her weakness. If Irina even gave the slightest hint that she was excited for the day, her siblings would find amusement in spoiling it and making her cry. That was how they got power over her. With no expectations, with no excitement, with no real emotions, if she managed to deal with them, they could not hurt her. How could they take away something that was not present in the first place?
"I remember my wedding day just like it happened, yesterday, my sister." Rhaenys's voice came out with a dramatic sigh. Speaking of the devil… "Jugglers, dwarfs, singers… oh, I planned it very meticulously. You remember it well, don't you?"
Indeed, Irina remembered it well. That horrible day still tasted bitter in her memory, after the failure of a dance, and later when Rhaenys had made a jape about Irina being a fat jester. Instead of showing the pain and allowing Rhaenys to get any power, Irina gave a twisted smile. "Of course, sister. How could I forget? It was a grandeur event. But it seems your husband forgot it too soon, that he is arranging for another one with another woman. Probably you should do well to remind him."
Rhaenys face instantly soured. It was a nice change to give back what Rhaenys had offered her all these years and see her sister suffer for once. But Irina knew Rhaenys better than the rest of her siblings. Her sister would fight back, even if she would fail miserably, she would seek for some sort of vengeance. Falling into filth wouldn't stop Rhaenys to throw something back at Irina. "You think he has already fallen for you. Don't you? That he will knock on your door every night to spend with you. Protect your weak heart, Irina. Visenya thought the same. I doubt if he even properly spent his wedding night with her. It was more of a ritual. And once yours get over, he will run back to me."
"Oh, don't presume to know about me, Rhaenys. I want nothing but that one-night ritual to get over. I literally have nothing to do with him. Remind him of that too often and clearly. You can have him all for yourself." Irina was determined in this matter. She wouldn't let this jealousy affect her at any point. Visenya had not come to this arrangement with love, but Irina still had that cord attached, but at no point, she would let that affect her. She could not afford it. Else, she would lose. Rhaenys once again stared at her with a dumbfounded expression. "Why don't you help me wear this, assuming you didn't come all the way to warn me? Because we both know you are in no place to warn me." Irina picked the wedding gown and slipped it around.
Rhaenys gawked at her for a fine minute. "This is no ivory…"
"No?" Irina smiled. "I asked the seamstress to add some color." The fourth and final defiance. Both Rhaenys and Visenya had dressed in black during their wedding ceremony. And Aegon had sent Irina an ivory dress, the one that represented purity. Hell with him. She was not pure. Neither in heart nor in the body. So, she tinted the dress with crystal blue to reflect her eyes and a reminder of her mother. Mostly, to defy him that she wouldn't do something just because he wanted her to.
It was a luxurious gown. As Rhaenys pulled the laces from behind to tie, she took note of the glimmering silver thread that ran delicately with too many brilliant patterns on her bodice. It was eye-catching. The sprinkle of blue on the pearl-beaded, tight-fitted gown made her own jaw drop when she saw herself in the reflection glass. The cloth was soft, too thin that it clung to her chest, and gave an ample view of her cleavage. Even her big chest looked brilliant in it. She appeared more of a young-woman, her new happiness adding natural glow when she smiled, and for a fleeting moment she let herself enjoy until Rhaenys made a snorting noise.
"I would have given an approval smile if your hips are not this wide, Irina. Look at mine." Rhaenys shook her hips. Hers were thinner, bones evidently visible through the dress she wore. "And your tits are sagging already." Irina wanted to take the reins and shut Rhaenys down. In fact, Irina didn't feel her tits were sagging. It was bigger than Rhaenys's but not sagging. "And your ass-"
"You know what, Rhaenys. You are singing your same old song that my ears are bleeding. I don't give an ounce of care for your opinion. I look fantastic. In fact, I look bedazzling!" Irina beamed, seeing herself. Sure, she was round. And she couldn't help it. Her weight had dropped over the years that her collarbone was jutting out, but there were some parts that wouldn't go away. But she looked lovely in that pretty gown. Her father would have said the same. "Why don't you make yourself useful for once, and braid my hair, like all the times I had done for you. Isn't that what sisters do to each other?"
Rhaenys huffed like her dragon, but she eventually calmed, probably with no option to deny now, and helped Irina with her hair. If Rhaenys had thought of spoiling it, her sister had failed. Because her braid that was pulled from all sides and the small silver ornaments decorating her rich brown mane, made her feel special.
"Aegon asked you to come to the garden, first, and soon." Rhaenys left, not sparing another second. Irina felt a discomfort hearing he wanted to meet her in the garden. Grudgingly, she took Paxter and left to meet her husband-to-be.
She stared at the heart tree, unblinking, unflinching, breath coming out thick and thin. Meanwhile, Aegon did the same while gawking at her. She wanted him to feel slightly disappointed and angered, for defying by getting rid of ivory and replacing it with blue, but the muscle crinkling near his eyes and the corner of his lips curving, said a tale that he liked what he saw. And this wretched heart of hers sped a hundred times faster with the way his gaze was appreciating. She tried… She really tried not to feel. She warned herself that he was the enemy. But she was just a girl who still had five moons to reach six and ten. The little appreciation from him made her feel really happy.
"Why do you want it done here?" She asked, not hiding the ache in the heart.
The smile in him died, replaced with a stoic emotion. "Do you want my reasons? Well, sister. I know you have faith in your Gods, so I can sleep at night with peace, knowing you will keep your vows intact. But you guessed it already, I assume. This ceremony will be for just you, me, and your Gods. Visenya would officiate the other ceremony in front of the lords in the throne room in our old ways." He stated.
Of course, she'd guessed it, and he was right. A small part of her considered this marriage a hoax since he was doing it the second time. Besides, there was a thin chance for her to betray her family if things didn't go in her way, as she believed that to be no true marriage. She was so far proud of herself to defy all the rules. And she had a backup plan to tell 'fuck you' once and for all when they would try to mess with her life. But a wedding before the old Gods was a different tale. She could not lie with the vows. She could not lie with the promises. She had tremendous faith that her mother's Gods watched over her.
Aegon was too clever, unlike Rhaenys. He had anticipated how her wicked mind would work. Well, he was the biggest criminal. He would know. And he always walked two steps ahead of her.
At that moment, though, she wanted to flee. Runaway, take the dragon and fly to the farthest end of the world. This affair would be for a lifetime if Aegon succeeded to live longer, which he probably might, considering how strong he was. And in case if he died, it meant someone more dangerous would take her. Could she even put up with this family that long?
Taking a solid ten minutes, she paced around, not sparing a glance at him. She could not step back, now. She came this far, battling, defying, surviving… most of all. She had been so determined to face the demons all by herself, but the definite unhappy future was screaming at her to not to do this. Why hadn't all these fears come for the past two weeks?
Knocking air out of her lungs, someone lifted her in air, and all the fear evaporated when she was swirling in the air. "Oh, put me down! You will spoil my gown and hair." She chided. She hadn't expected Orys to be there, let alone lift her in air, but when she peered at Aegon, he simply stared the commotion, for the first time with a smile. What had changed? And Orys pulled her in for a gentle hug.
"My, my! You look pretty!" Orys commented, still his laughter ringing in the air. And just like that, her fears melted. "Are you ready?"
"All the time…" Irina feigned a smile. Orys explained what had to be said before the Gods, which was weird because she herself was unaware of it. "Where did you go to learn these things?"
"Long before, a lady and a lord who looked just like you and Aegon took their marriage vows here. So, I remember."
"Right…" What a pity? Her parents had been in love. A shiver ran through her body at the thought of it. "Who knows, I may die in seven years. And Aegon will become a shell of a man after I pass away." She japed with a laugh, but Orys did not share it. He, in fact, made his mission to chide her well for speaking such uneventful tales. She was shocked at learning that Orys would do the honors of giving her hand away. Clearly, Aegon was not on good terms with him, or so she thought. What had changed?
Eventually, Orys and Aegon exchanged a few titles and words of who giving whose hand and who receiving it. The more loud and sincere they spoke, the hackles rose on her neck. With no audience and only her mother's Gods as evidence, Orys asked, "Will you take this man?"
She studied Aegon, who had pulled his lower lip in, biting it with anticipation for her answer. He stood tall, with pride, his broad chest and thick arms didn't get unnoticed in the black leather vest he wore. Blackfyre was sheathed in the leather belt by his hips, which had a silver buckle. He never had gold on him. The only faint glimmer of gold that chose to adorn him was his shortcut hair, which was now wildly fleeting around his forehead for the wind. No one could begin to understand how his strong posture and those tulips like soft eyes could make her heart melt when it had a loveliness to it. Refusing to let her heart fall into the same girlish fantasy, she hardened herself while saying the words. Because, she knew if she didn't say, the same enigmatic man would unsheathe his sword to cut her head.
"I take this man." She answered stoically, and Aegon gave an approving smile, before taking her hand from Orys. She was aware that Aegon never had faith in any Gods, irrespective of the proof of magic. But he kneeled with her before her Gods and let her pray. Only, she didn't know what to ask of the Gods. They hadn't given her anything she had asked.
"We are wedded." He said when she rose.
"We are…" She replied sadly, her voice croaking. She hadn't expected him to do this. Take her to the Gods she had faith in for a wedding and bluntly confess how he had done it to ensure her loyalty. This was not a wedding of dreams or love, which she would have happily done had she never learned his betrayal. She wouldn't be whining to this extent if she never saw through his facade. Outside, he was calm, composed, loving, and considerate but every move he'd made so far had a sinister, cunning, ruthless motive to it. Every step he had taken had ultimate political reasoning to it. He hadn't married all his sisters for plain carnal need that as a man he was capable of doing, which was understandable for her. No… Rhaenys was for love. Visenya was for power. And she… the simpleton Irina, was for control.
"You are doing it again." He whispered, gently lifting her chin to level it with his gaze. "You are over-analyzing everything when you shouldn't be. That is not your place." She had a sour face, and he began reading it, which she obviously didn't like. Before she tried to pry away, his face became small, a flash of what she assumed to be regret. "Don't make this hard, Irina." He said again. "You can make this better if you set your heart to. We can make this work. You are my blood and I will do anything to keep you safe as I promised. I gave you everything you asked for."
"Do you want me to act like you never betrayed me, Aegon?" She asked crisply.
"I want you to forget the past and move on. I like seeing your smile and innocence. I want that girl back. Not this stranger who keeps calculating and plotting to make reckless decisions behind my back."
The gall of him! The worst thing in what he said was, he was sincere. "You are a fool if you think I will believe anything that comes out of your mouth. I will not rest until I give back the same pain you caused me."
A long breath came out of him and he shook his head, aggravated of being not listened to. She enjoyed riling him up. When he found a sly smile plastered on her face, his eyes became dangerously dark and even somewhat amused. In an unexpected move, he leaned in and took her lips in his, making her stumble where she stood. His arms graciously locked on her waist when he sucked in her lower lip. It lasted no more than a few seconds. Quick and strong that she barely had time to react. The moment she composed, he himself pushed her away, showing his back to her and leaving to the throne room.
Andrik, the court singer, was performing in the middle of the Hall when she plopped another grape into her mouth. Visenya had officiated the ceremony with blood and ash. The ceremony was a disaster, to mildly put it. When Visenya gave the cut to Irina's wrist, she had screamed aloud, as her soul was taken to hell and back. It was torturous, and she had a feeling of being mutilated when it had happened. Aegon had to hold her in his arms and take her aside to a chamber, when she had eventually passed out, unable to withstand pain.
Now in her wrist, there was a burn mark, and supposedly Visenya had done something to fix it. Probably some blood magic. Aegon had brought her back to the hall to attend the feast. Just to please the eyes of the lords. If she was right in her predictions, most of them would be gossiping about how the Valyrian Gods had rejected the affair.
None expressed openly, though. That would be utter madness when three dragon riders were present. But Irina knew this was how the lords would perceive the incident. Even Aegon was agitated, and kept Visenya by his side, continuously arguing about the incident. He even at one point accused Visenya for some foul play, but her sister would not take his shit. Not like how Irina had been. Visenya's fingers went to the hilt of Dark Sister and she gave a death warning to Aegon. That was when they both had stopped bickering and kept a straight face.
Lord Daemon Velaryon approached the raised dais, and gave an awkward look at her direction, before directing his gaze at Aegon. "Can I take your bride's hand for a dance, Lord Aegon?"
Irina glanced back and forth between Aegon and Daemon, finally moved on to Visenya, who had the stoic face. In fact, Visenya appeared curious. Her brother didn't even spare Irina a glance before agreeing. Just when Lord Daemon turned to take her arm, Aegon interfered. "Irina is my wife, now, Daemon. I know you have a less understanding of what that means. I will not hesitate to plunge my sword to your heart if your finger touches her anywhere it shouldn't be." He casually warned like this was a game for them. "Now, I don't want to upset Visenya by ending your life. Do I?" A sinister smile spread on Aegon's face, and Visenya hurried out without an excuse.
"Of course, my lord." Daemon's eyes lingered on Visenya's back before he bowed down. "Until the bedding ceremony, I can assure I will uphold my honor."
Was this some kind of twisted game for them? She hardened her face when Daemon walked her down to the middle of the hall, but even without turning to look at Aegon, she knew her brother would be bristling. The dance was as sincere as Daemon had promised to Aegon. His thumb rubbed along the fresh burn mark on her wrist, as though he was investigating the sign. "Is it still painful?" He asked, not with any concern but some curiosity in his voice.
"Yes…" She answered, dryly.
"I wonder what is the meaning of it. Visenya says it was a deadly wound. Why that could be?" Daemon asked, curiosity still lingering. "After all, it was a simple slit…"
"Perhaps, it touched a vein."
"Perhaps…" He nodded. "Irina, will you answer me truly?" She gazed at his purple eyes, that were no more curious but sad. "My sister, Alyssa…" His voice started shaking. "I had been meaning to speak with you. Aegon wouldn't allow when I came. He is madly possessive and snarled at me as though I was going to take you for myself." He offered a smile to calm down the situation. "Your brother seems to have changed a lot, I see. Those things apart, will you tell me the truth of what happened to my sister?"
He was too sincere, too naïve, too gullible. Irina had never regretted what she had done to those girls. Not even a horror dream passed once. Those girls deserved to be punished. That was what she kept telling herself. But Daemon's eyes were full of sorrow and love, both mixed in anticipation to know how his sister endured and she planned to give him the details. At least, the one that she knew. "Alyssa… was in shock when it happened. She didn't cry, nor did she beg. She was mostly shocked and was able to believe. It was a straight cut to the throat. Your sister didn't linger long in pain." Irina closed her eyes, trying her best to remember everything about that day.
Daemon's eyes were filled with tears, and he stared anywhere but to her eyes, which still had no feeling in it. She understood his pain. He had loved his sister. "Thanks… My sister was always a brave girl. Thanks for telling me what happened. Visenya wouldn't. And I am sorry for what happened to you. Aegon is a nice man. He will protect you with his life. I wish you both a long-united life." Daemon wished, giving her a warm hug and taking her back to the dais. The man was so innocent, like once Irina had been, believing everything she had said. And she had lied to him, with no remorse.
Something felt wrong, and she gulped two glasses of wine when she heard a whisper of the bedding ceremony getting discussed again. The night on the shore flashed over and over in her head. She couldn't cry for those dead girls or for anyone else at that moment. That part of her had gone away. She only wondered how she could have changed that night. The unwanted groping to her breasts, the torment to her body went through when that horse lord kept kicking her were going on a repeat. Suddenly, she wondered if all the lords in the hall would touch her that way. They would. Wouldn't they? They would strip her and see her wounds and scars. They would touch her without her will. It made her skin crawl with disgust. She didn't want to be seen by strangers, let alone be touched.
But she could not voice that out. She had to bear it. It was the ritual, and she had to follow it. Everyone had endured. She wanted just to escape rather go through and she tried to warg. For some reason, she couldn't. She could not connect with any of her birds or Merry. It was strange, and it was the first time she was experiencing it. Did she lose her power? Or was it some mind game?
"What is happening to you?" Aegon asked, pushing away the goblet she tried to take. "You look pale. Tell me what is happening?"
She almost choked out crying. Almost… But held in her breath and didn't let out a word. He was the enemy. There was no point in giving details about her misery.
"Irina…" Aegon called, dragging her chair closer to his. He could sense her shaking. And she was not able to pretend like everything about the day was fine. "Is the scar still hurting you?" His voice was soft and caring. And for a moment, she thought of leaning on him for support. "Are you worried about the bedding ceremony?" He finally asked, as though he was able to smell her fear. Her back instantly straightened, and she didn't show any sign of her emotion.
She would not show him her weakness. Nor would she ask for his help. It was fine for her to endure the pain, rather to seek solace in his feigned fake love. She wanted to be the one in control.
The air grew chiller with every passing second, and she was not sure how to prepare for the night. How to prepare for the upcoming ritual. She repeated herself a hundred times it would be one ritual, one night, to share with the man she once loved, no… still loved in an odd twisted way, but the haunted memories of the distant tinkling bell ringed in her head, and the questions of what if's kept rolling in her head.
What if Aegon would demand her to spread her legs? What if he'd pound on her like pounding on a bitch? What if he'd be too rough for her to handle? What if he'd demand her to take him in her mouth?
She couldn't stop her thoughts. She couldn't stop anticipating the worst. At that moment, she knew somehow she had let Rhaenys get beneath her skin. Her fingers twitched, wishing she'd drunk more wine and braved enough to endure this. Aegon had asked her to leave before the bedding ceremony, though. She hadn't expected that of him. After all, the ultimate point of this wedding ceremony was to allow the lords to witness the consummation. Visenya would be hurling curses at Aegon for being a fool.
Whatever conspired into him, he didn't even give those uptight lords a chance to touch her. She should thank him but the truth was, in whichever way tonight was going to end up, she would be the one with the broken soul. He might save her from other monsters in the world, but he would not or could not save her from himself.
Leaning on the curved porch, staring at the moonlight, she resoluted herself to embrace the roughness. That was how she would bravely face the night. Every time he had touched her, it had always been violent encounters. Every single time he drew blood. He had been in wrath for every order she had disobeyed and raised against him in defiance. He'd been channeling his anger through his sword to the opponents on the field. Probably, he had been waiting for this moment, to show who was in control. This battle in bed would be the only way for him to exert power. And he would grab it and show her who was her master. This would be no different and once he took what he wanted, he would not like her anymore. She was not beautiful enough for him to fall for her. A mere obsession to play with till the fire in him would be put out.
Shutting her lids, she breathed in, determined to not let him break her again. She would not allow him to smell her fear or sense her weakness. She would not cry. She would not wail. She would not beg. She was a dragon, after all. She would come out victorious if she never offered him the satisfaction in seeing her tears.
"Pray, tell me, what you are wishing for?"
Her shoulders became rigid, fists curling at the mere sound of his hoarse, thick voice. "Nothing, Aegon. What do I don't have in my life to wish for?" She answered shakily, even though the dripping sarcasm didn't drop from her voice. He was leaning against the door, his hands folded across his broad chest and eyes measuring her with a hooded expression. His height itself made her cower to a corner. Can a girl as herself compete against the mighty Dragon?
His demeanor was too soft and observing, with no hint of desperation to touch her. That put her out of her element. Did he already lose interest? He exchanged no words, but his eyes scanned her face in the bright moon-light. He was evaluating her, but it didn't seem physical. They were standing five feet apart. They were physically far but emotionally he was ravaging, to read her face, to read her mind, which was the only part she had wanted to protect from being damaged.
"Shall we honor the wedding night, my lord?" Irina asked with a slip of a smile to mask her emotion and he gave a dry chuckle, shaking his head.
"No…" He answered as he slid into the well-lit chamber and dragged a cushioned chair out to the porch. Irina fiddled with her fingers as he coolly sat on the chair and slouched down to peer at the moon. What was he doing? What was his game? To hurt her, sure. She anticipated that he was going to give her a hectic punishment. But now did he plan to insult her too? The time ticked by and words went unspoken until anger took the best of her. Just when she thought of giving him her peace of mind, he extended his arm. "Don't overthink and come here to me."
She was utterly confused. His calculative moves were so threatening. Bracing herself, she moved closer to the chair, refusing to take his arm. He could not be trusted. Her obligation was to only spread her legs, not to open herself emotionally. When she closed his proximity, he straightened himself and patted his lap, signaling to take the seat. She refused his insipid request. With a gentle pull of her wrist, he drew her to his lap.
She fought him, her intuition kicking in. All he needed to do was fuck her. Why the hell would he make everything complicated? Although she was determined not to show weakness, the unanticipated move made her feel inadequate to face his challenge. A long gasp left her lips when she used her fist to move against his chest, but he kept locking her back into his arms. The fight in her slowly started dying when his one hand rubbed along her spine in a gentle caress. "Don't fight, sister. Don't fight. Just relax and breathe. Don't panic." He murmured whispers for the longest time, and she allowed herself to take the moment and breathe. Her racing heart took a very long time to soften, but eventually, it relaxed with his coaxing. A longing need to be welcomed ached through every tiny muscle in her. This was going wrong. She had been planning on putting a fighter face to show him how she would not suffer, but he was not even ready to raise his sword.
She buried her head into his leather vest, seeking his familiar scent to hide her face. She wanted to be hidden now. She lost in the battle. The loss of control in the situation was plainly evident, but she had no idea how to retain it. She fell for his small touch against her spine, his whispering lips against her head. For the finest moment, she allowed herself to relax, willing herself to stop pondering about the plans for the night, or the need for fight and flight.
"The dress looks splendid on you, Irina." He whispered deliciously to her ear. "And you were regal today. Such a beautiful girl… Every curve in you is perfect. You were a treat to all the eyes, there. I was more than glad to take you all for myself. No one deserves to touch you. You are all for me." Her cheeks turned red hearing his hoarse whisper. This moment was very intimate for her to either deny or accept. And she was shameful of surrendering so easily to his charms. His fingers started twisting her long braid, trying to free it open. "Damn… This is complex." He cursed.
With a light chuckle, she pried her long brown locks from him and parted it, while he positioned her back to lean against his chest. She anticipated for him to kiss her, but he made no such move. In fact, he made no moves. There was no kiss, no fondling, no kneading. He did nothing to elicit her hormones. The chill wind prickled her skin, and she caved in to his broad muscle. Her legs were folded in, her hair was flying free, but he was not warming her as he should be.
There was less friction and with every growing minute, she became exhausted of craving for his skin. So, she made the move. Placing her palm on his that was resting on her belly, she rubbed it in feather-light motions. He seemed to be waiting for her approval. At the mere touch of her skin, his thick palm traced her belly and waist, moving all along her body, while her own legs fought to find warmth against his own pair. When a hurl of wind passed by, she forgot her modesty, her self-will, her determination, and arched her back, indirectly cueing him to do something more because the faint touch was not enough for her.
"Aegon…" She pleaded with a groan when he rubbed the sides of her breasts, heating her up slowly. Too slow for her taste. Too slow for her need. They both were still dressed. She was desperate to rub every inch of her bare skin against him, while he was determined to play with her feelings. Shifting her position, she tried to make his palm slide against her breast. And she succeeded after two failed attempts. The moment he touched the tip of her breast, a tidal wave of pleasure passed towards her core.
He didn't have to be asked more. When his hands couldn't find a way to undo her strapping, a light force tore her beautiful wedding gown, and he managed to make her naked on top within seconds. He had an astonishing pride in unwrapping his bride and the moment she was bare, his lips met her naked flesh of her shoulder, while his hands snaked below to feel her naked skin. With a guttural growl, he cupped her breasts, feeling the shape. She leaned forward, inching herself close to the hardness of his hand when he whispered huskily, "Open your eyes. Look at me when I touch you. Look who is giving you pleasure."
She obeyed. Her blue met his purple when he rolled her pearl-like hardened nipples between his fingers. And his eyes never left hers. He wanted her to know he was the one touching her body. He forced every nerve of her body to feel who owned her. And she registered it. When he pinched her nipples and wetness pooled between her legs, she took him all in, with fewer boundaries than before. "They are fucking perfect in my hands, Irina… You are fucking perfect! Look how your round tits fit in my hand. Look how you fit in me." Each word struck a chord in her chest and she looked down to see him feeling her mounds.
She was perfect for him. He mattered enough that every word danced in joy. However fucked up this was, she still craved for this closeness, this warmth, this voice. He was her husband now, and she would not feel shameful in accepting it. She caught his lips the next moment, and he did not wait to ravish her on both her lips. His tongue slid against hers when his fingers tugged at her small cloth trying to sneak in. He grew impatient with his failure between her legs and with an animal like growl, he tore her small cloth below. At first, the foreign presence troubled her, but when he made soothing circles at the apex of her thighs, she allowed him. She had prepared her mind only for his rough punishments. Not for this gentle care. She became curious about what he would do next. Her body shivered when his warm thumb ran across her slit. And he gave a proud smile, feeling her arousal at the tip of his finger.
He spared no time for her to shy away. His lips trailed down to her neck. His tongue lashed and licked at her skin while his fingers pinched the nub below. The pleasure was nothing like before. It was too unbearable that she clung with her arms around his neck for support when his one finger entered her, all the while his thumb kept teasing the nub. "Tell me if it hurts. Ask me to stop if you are don't feel good." His breathing came erratically weird, but she didn't care what was happening to him. He was showing her a world unknown. And this world was too scrumptious for her to leave and wonder about her. Her eyes rolled back in ecstasy with another finger added, and she threw her head back when he worked efficiently. She started shivering, panting, clutching to his vest, unable to find what her body needed.
"Aegon…" She called him for help, moving her hips against his palms, still confused about what was occurring in her body. "I don't know. I can't…" She blathered with loud moans.
"Let go, Irina. Come for me." His thick voice pierced her chest, and he pressed his thumb strong against her throbbing core, still not halting the movement of his fingers inside. It should have been the edge in his voice or the command of his tone. Whatever it was, a wave of release passed and she almost fell down if not for Aegon to carry and place her on the bed.
She was delirious from the encounter for some time, and when she finally became conscious, she found him kissing her navel. Her arms opened to welcome him with a genuine grin that had never been there for so long a time. His sweat-slicked skin rubbed against hers and he suited himself between her thighs.
"I can't prepare you anymore. This will hurt. But I have no fucking idea how to control myself." He apologized with a boyish smile, and she loved that careless attitude. It made him young and look so less of a lord but more of a boy who was desperate to eat candies. He pecked on her forehead, on the tip of her nose and her lips, as he positioning his head against her slit. "I will go slow, Irina. Stop me, if you cannot take."
He moved. The head of his length entered, and her eyes plopped, kicking out all the previous pleasures. All the madness vapored, and she gripped his back, her nails raking him to take blood in vengeance of the pain he started causing. She gasped when he hit a barrier and kept proceeding. "Seven Hells! You are too fucking tight and warm. How am I supposed to hold? What in the-" He groaned and cursed, inching slowly, and tears slid against her cheek. It was ugly. Not like what she had assumed when he'd used his finger. She wept miserably. Her chin wobbled, and she bit her lips to muffle her cries. Nothing helped until she pulled his head close to take in his own scent of soot and earth, feeling his presence around her more than the intrusion between her legs. And he gave her time, kissing every tear that dropped down. "It is fine. You are fine. Easy, Irina. Just accept me inside you and relax." His cock was already throbbing inside her. She could feel it all.
"Go on… Slowly, please." She encouraged, and he moved very slowly at first. And every time he pulled back, letting her relax, the sliding in again took away her breath and she had to squeal and take blood from his body to adjust. But eventually, she started adjusting.
"I can't last long if you squeeze me like that." He said kissing her chin. She wasn't doing anything, in fact. He was too big. And with a few harsh thrusts, he spent inside her, his cock throbbing with desire and the arousal that came from both their bodies filled the whole chamber.
Everything was perfect when he rolled over and pulled her to his chest, peppering too many kisses on the forehead, while his fingers wove around her mane, the same way he had often brushed it. "That was so different from what we had done before." She pointed out.
"If you are not sore and give me some time I can make you feel much better when we try again." He pecked on her lips and she shied. She wanted to know more, to feel more, to explore this act. When she thought about answering, he picked a wet cloth and started wiping her thighs. Blood had smeared the cover beneath, evidence of her losing her maidenhead. And all the night's promises evaporated when the truth dwelled in. She was allowing him again. Giving him all the control, giving him the reign over this strange arrangement.
Aegon gently parted her legs and smoothly slid over her core with the wet cloth, wiping away blood mixed with his seeds. She was bare again, letting him to invade. The last time betrayal gave a warning ring in her head to not trust him. He wouldn't mind hurting her.
He lowered himself, kissing her palms and letting his fingers gently wove inside hers, subtly indicating her for the new exploration he was going to subject her to. She really wished he was different. That he was a man of words and promises. He would literally crush her heart and admire the beauty of his destruction. That was what he enjoyed. How could she trust him again? Words locking in her throat, she pried away from his hand and drew the quilt over herself. If he would ever want that trust, he should earn. Not like this. Not taking away her innocence all to himself.
"I won't mind if you don't want. We have plenty of years for ourselves. Come close to me, now"
She made no move until he dragged her into his arms, against which she fought with all her will. "Stop this fucking nonsense, Aegon. You are acting as though everything will be fine with a cuddle. You took what you wanted. Now, leave me alone."
His smile disappeared. The moment of intimacy and love that they shared was wiped away from his face. She couldn't think hurting him would hurt her too. Because it damn as well, made her own heart painful. "What is with the attitude, sister? I took what I wanted?" His tone was not harsh but filled with disappointment. "I did everything to make sure you are not hurt. Have I not?"
"No… You have wounded my heart long back and you can never take back that hurt. It is a polite reminder for me to be aware of what kind of man you are. Now, give me peace. I don't want you here anymore."
"This is our wedding night." He stated.
"It is over, Aegon. The drama and the hype have all got over. You can take the sheets as proof. I know you will run away before the sun rises. You were always good at that. Why don't you save both of us some trouble and leave now?" Her tone was curt, but she bled inside when she said it out aloud.
His parted mouth didn't close. She was mean to her own husband. She was so mean to her brother. She didn't want to be such a spiteful human, but he made her to become one. There was no way she could not long for his touch, or for his love if he happened to make a welcoming embrace into his arms. She would fall and fail miserably, while he would keep loving Rhaenys and keep telling it to her face.
He was angry and cursing when he fastened his clothes and walked to the door. She knew he could demand his rights again or stay the night. He was entitled to it. But he left her. Probably, she made this a sour experience at the end of it. She settled to spend her wedding night, crying, mostly, not knowing why even sending him away didn't suffice her. This was the problem. Either way, with this marriage she was going to be wounded. Gods, she hated him as much as she loved him.
"Why won't you take Betha back?" Vyl questioned, as they dug into breakfast the next day. Irina had met Betha. No, her friend had come by herself and had stood at her chamber's threshold crying like a baby, apologizing and begging to take her back. But Irina had refused.
"I want her to be with my sister." Irina didn't explain more. Rhaenys had no more ladies-in-waiting, and it seemed Betha was doing everything to Rhaenys. Now that she thought, the whole idea seemed silly. Rhaenys was just a spiteful, vengeful fool. Should she have got Betha back? Even Irina needed some friends.
The sore feeling of the previous night still troubled her. Why had she been that harsh on Aegon, when all he tried to do was make her comfortable? Aegon had made peace with Orys and had asked him to give her hand. Orys was the one who had confessed. In some way, he was trying to make amends. Aegon had not reacted to any of her defiance in anger. He, in fact, assured to not let any lords touch her, which was more than she could ask for. And shocking of all, he was considerate, understanding, and patient enough to wait for her to adjust the previous night. Perhaps he was ready to change and adjust just to make her feel better. In the end, it was Irina, who had just spit venom, which eventually hurt her too. She had to come late for breakfast, so no one would question about the night, or enquire why Aegon had not spent the entire night in her chamber. It was the custom of the wedding night and she had thrown him away.
"Maybe I will ask Aegon about it. He might listen."
"What will you ask Aegon?" Rhaenys's voice interrupted as her sister took the seat in front. Irina gave a polite smile, not interested in insulting or involving in some stupid conversation. She was not in the mood. When Rhaenys measured Vyl with a disgusting scowl, her friend took it as a cue to leave from the place. He knew when to react and whom to respond.
"It is a pleasant day, Rhaenys. I am not interested in spoiling it."
"Isn't it?" Rhaenys gave a long exaggerated sigh, along with a sickly smile. Irina didn't like that smile. That twisted smile was warning her to embrace something ugly that was going to follow. "It indeed is a pleasant day, Irina. For me and Aegon."
Well, obviously her sister would have stooped low to pry away all the information on her wedding night from Aegon. And that sick smile only meant Rhaenys had gathered everything that happened aftermath. She tried hard not to get riled up and give Rhaenys the satisfaction. But the thought that Aegon had spilled what conspired between them to Rhaenys had begun to show its ugly form on her face.
When she looked past Rhaenys and found Aegon approaching the table, she gave him a threatening glare, which itself would have been enough to burn him. He paused in his tracks, sensing the tension in her face. "I listened to your advice, Irina." Rhaenys continued. "What was the one you gave? Didn't you want me to remind Aegon that you have nothing to do with him? Well, I reminded him, yesterday." Rhaenys snickered.
Irina's face became blank for a moment. And she kept telling herself that Rhaenys was just using this weak moment to make her feel lost. And that she didn't have to take any words from Rhaenys. Everything that came from Rhaenys's mouth would be a lie, or that Irina's assumptions might have been wrong. Not until she took in Aegon's face, who stood right behind Rhaenys, did her heart started pounding against the ribs of her chest. Not until he went red in shame, did she let it affect her heart.
"I thought you will be able to keep him for at least one night, Irina. He came back right into my arms at the dead of night. And not just once… thrice, Irina, and all night long. The sheer power in him made me feel like he wanted to wipe out any memory of you." Rhaenys gave a mocking laugh, but Irina's eyes were not directed at the woman before. No… She couldn't bring herself to direct any emotion on Rhaenys. Her eyes were dead set on Aegon, locking him and judging him at the place where he stood. He was still reeling in shock, unable to believe Rhaenys had said such things out in the open, especially to Irina. He even sneered, calling Rhaenys and admonishing her, but all of Irina's sensations to hear anything had withered away.
Tears welled in her eyes. Her head kept repeating that this was what she had agreed to. That she would share him with two sisters of hers and would never get jealous of what he did in his four walls. And slowly, she even began convincing that it was her mistake to send him away.
When that drop of tear fell down her cheek, she felt small, vulnerable, and stupid. It was their wedding night, after all. Could he have not restrained for one night? By now, everyone might even have heard of it. All maids and servants would whisper the tales. No wonder Visenya kept telling she was the one who rejected him. Because how could any woman be prideful in feeling her husband was not attracted to her, but to another woman?
Well, Irina had thought differently. She genuinely believed he was attracted to her. At least, that was how he made her feel while he had coupled with her. Visenya had Daemon to lean on. Who did she have? Hurrying away, she rushed towards the stables and took her horse. She wanted to put distance, as long as she could. She momentarily even thought of taking the dragon and flying away, forgetting that her family ever existed. But her skills had gone. How much ever she tried to connect back with five hundred birds she had bonded over the years, she couldn't. Feeling hurt to even think, sobbing like a child who kept getting betrayed, she left the castle.