No One Does It Better

Chapter 23

Why do we like to hurt so much?

I can't decide, you have made it harder just to go on.

I composed myself quickly and moved to walk undercover in the courtyard when I heard footsteps heading out of the entrance hall. I cursed myself for storming outside without a proper winter cloak on – damn the tears that came too quickly for me to go anywhere else in the castle without being noticed.

'Nova, I know you're out here.'

I looked up to the ceiling to stop more tears from falling at the sound of his voice. I kept walking. I had nowhere to go but it was better than standing like a niffler caught in a chest of treasure.

'Do you forget the map will show me wherever you go?'

'Can you please just leave me alone?' I asked. I was tired being angry and argumentative with everyone, especially Sirius.

'I think we need to talk,' he replied. I refused to look into the courtyard at him, but I knew he was following me around on the outskirts.

'Sirius, please just leave me alone. I don't want to talk.'

My voice was wobbly, and I felt the lump rising in my throat with every word. No one told girls growing up that they would be able to cry at the most minor of things with every year they got older.

'Nova-'

'Sirius, please.'

A sob escaped my mouth and I let a few tears escape. I stopped walking to face out at him. He stood with the map by his side, he almost looked speechless, but he obeyed. I almost thought he was going to keep trying but he turned back in and walked back into the castle with his head hung.

For once, I wished that we had never got sat together that day in potions.

I told Adaline about everything when I got back to the dormitory and I had never known her to be sympathetic to me about much, but I thought if she could, she might have cried for me. I spent the rest of the night curled up in bed falling in and out of sleep. Adaline woke me up at 11am the next morning to get ready for my date with Cian.

It took a lot of convincing on her part to actually get me to still go.

I tried my best to make myself look presentable but that was difficult to achieve when all I wanted to do was stay in bed. I opted for a no make-up-make-up look and went with my boots, black jeans and a short-sleeved shirt in my signature colour bottle green. Adaline gave me some of her silver jewellery to really make it look like I made an effort. I put my grey cloak on when I was done.

'Please try to enjoy yourself,' Adaline got off her bed and stood in front of me. 'McLaggen seems like a very nice boy who won't break your heart, I'm sure of it.'

'But that's not where my heart is, Addie,' I said quietly, and she pulled me into a hug.

'Don't you dare cry and ruin your make-up,' she said into my ear. 'I'll stop feeling sorry for you then.'

I let out a small laugh picked up my bag.

'Are you sure you won't come?' I asked for the last time.

'My homework list is scarily big,' she replied. 'But if I find the time you will find me Honeydukes getting the last of my Christmas presents.'

'Gotcha,' I said. 'Bye.'

'Try and have fun, please!'

I met Cian at the Entrance Hall and we made our way down to Hogsmeade in a flurry with the rest of the students. Thankfully, I didn't see a Marauder in sight, so I was able to focus on Cian and Cian alone on our walk to Madam Puddifoots.

We were one of the first lot of students to arrive at the tea shop, so we chose a table tucked away in a corner. Not that it made much of a difference, I'd never been in a place that had so many tables stuck together before. Whoever sat next to us would practically be sitting with us.

'I feel like I'm sitting at a child's table,' Cian laughed as I noticed his two knees sitting at both sides of the table.

'Have you not been here before?' I laughed.

'No! I just heard it was a good place to come on a date but good Godric they are not made for tall people.'

We had gotten an afternoon tea along with a spare cup of coffee for myself so I could try and perk myself up. The platter was full of finger sandwiches but most importantly, overrun with cakes. The minute it sat down, I reached for a cupcake.

'Not even a sandwich first?' Cian smiled at me.

'Desert over everything,' I replied, covering my mouth as I spoke. I did have some kind of manners.

Cian replied but I never heard, my eyes were caught by a head of blonde hair and black hair sitting down across the room from us. The damn lump in my throat appeared again and I diverted my eyes quickly back to the boy sat right in front of me. I watched as his head then twisted to see where my attention had gone for a split second.

'Didn't think he usually went on dates,' Cian said aloud.

I shrugged in response, not wanting to speak about Sirius just yet.

'Forgive me for asking, but I am right in saying you two never spoke before this year, yet you both seem inseparable?'

I took a massive gulp of my coffee before answering. I was also composing myself on the inside and telling myself not to be rude to Cian for asking completely just questions on top of trying not to cry over Sirius at the same time.

'We grew up together, that's all,' I informed him. 'Grew apart in our time here at Hogwarts and then got put together to work in Potions at the beginning of the year. So, are you looking forward to the holidays?'

I had to get as far away as possible from this subject before the date went to Hippogriff shit.

'I suppose so, Christmas almost loses it excitement as you get older, don't you think?'

'Not for me,' I shook my head. 'I love a present, so I do.'

He laughed into his tea and I couldn't help but find my gaze being diverted. Christie Vain's foot was inching up Sirius leg quickly. I snapped back to Cian and took another cake.

'We don't really do presents anymore as a family,' he told me. 'Most of the time we go away at Christmas but because of my brother's new job, he didn't want to take time off too soon.'

'That's fair,' I agreed. 'Is he enjoying it?'

'I don't know, I've not heard from him in a while.'

'He's probably busy, you know what the Ministry is like.'

'What are your plans for after school?'

I ignored that bloody barking laugh I knew so well from across the room and forced myself to smile.

'I'd like to be an Unspeakable.'

'You'd like to do a job where you don't even know what the job is?' Cian asked me in disbelief, eyeing up the finger sandwiches at the same time. I watched as he picked up an egg-mayonnaise one. Ew.

'Exactly – it is the unknown. I think it would be ridiculously interesting, don't you?'

He shrugged eating away at his sandwich. I really wanted to look over at Sirius again, but I forced myself not to. It wasn't worth the pain.

'And you? What do you fancy doing?'

I tried to act interested but I really wasn't. I had to get out of this date as quickly as possible. He was lovely but the boy had absolutely no chat.

'I'll get some form of job in the Ministry no doubt – a job is a job.'

I bit down on my lip, unsure of what to say next. I quickly glanced at Sirius who looked ridiculously bored. He must have felt my eyes on him as he turned causing our eyes to meet. I turned back quickly to see Cian watching me.

'I sometimes wonder how I actually picked up the courage to talk to you, you know? You're one of those girls everyone fancies but a lot of the time even breaking breath to you was a pipe dream.' he said with a small smile playing on his lips.

I tried not to blush at the confession, but the thought was quite embarrassing for me.

'That day in the Three Broomsticks, I just thought it's our last year and that I would be as well speaking to you.'

I didn't know what else to say, so I did what I did best and picked up yet another cake.

'You have been staring over at Black for the majority of our time here-'

'I'm sorry,' I blurted out quickly. I felt horrific that he had noticed but the worst part was, I felt more guilty that I got caught.

'It's fine, Nova,' he gave me that sad smile. 'It really is okay. I don't know what exactly is going on with you two, but I know you aren't 100% up for this or us or whatever this was. I'm just grateful I actually got a chance to know you.'

'You're too sweet to be with me anyway,' I sighed. It was true, I didn't deserve him to be so kind and understanding.

'You need to give yourself more credit.'

'I have enjoyed being around you, you know,' I said, it was only half a lie. I sat licking away the icing on one of the cakes I had picked up. If I kept going, I wouldn't be fit for my dinner.

'It's been fun chasing you,' he said, and my heart did take a dive. I felt like the ultimate bitch today. Usually, leading boys on never bothered me but the majority for the time they hadn't been nearly as nice as Cian had been to me. I, again and unwillingly, looked over at Sirius and Christie.

This lovely, handsome, charming boy in front of me was losing to one that didn't even want me. I was fucked up – that was the only explanation.

'I'm going to go to Honeydukes,' I said throwing my cloak on and standing up. I bent down and gave Cian a kiss on the cheek. 'Thank you for being so kind.'

Adaline was going to murder me, I concluded as I walked through the snow-covered town. I almost hoped she hadn't made it out of the castle so I could at least come up with some elaborate story as to why I would no longer be pursuing Cian.

I opened the door to the bustling sweetshop and looked out for Adaline's black hair with her signature headband, but it was nowhere in sight. I browsed anyway, thinking comfort food was exactly what I needed.

'Is that your date over so soon?'

I turned to see Remus standing beside me. A mixture of worry and a smile on his face all at the one time.

'Didn't work out,' I replied and turned back to the sweets.

'Christmas shopping, then?' he moved beside me and took a packet of chocolate frogs off of the shelf. I was thankful that he changed the subject for me.

'For myself, yes,' I nodded and picked up chocolate cauldrons. 'Where are James and Peter?'

'The Three Broomsticks. I only wanted to get some sweets and head back up to the castle.'

'We can go back up together, then,' I told him and picked up Fudge Flies for Adaline.

We purchased our sweets and then left for the castle together. I was looking forward to a night in the dormitory eating my sorrows away with Adaline while she lectured me for crying over boys.

'Don't get angry at me, I am only asking as a friend,' Remus began as we trudged through the snow. 'Are you okay after yesterday?'

'I'm fine, I don't know what came over me – I was just being my usual over dramatic self.'

'Except that you weren't.'

I looked at Remus who had that worried expression on his face, again. I pulled out a liquorice wand from my Honeydukes bag so that I had something to focus on which wasn't Remus interrogating me.

'All I would like to say is, I am here for you and so are the rest of us - whether you believe that or not is up to yourself.'

'Thank you, Remus,' I looked over and his face relaxed a little when I smiled at him whilst nibbling away at my sweet. 'Are you busy next Saturday night?'

That's What You Get by Paramore