Chapter Info

Title: Using every piece available.

Number: 21/?

Warnings: Language, mentions of violence, and my usual doses of angst here and there.

Author's Note: Found at the end!

- ʚɞ -

- Colorado Springs, Colorado -

- Skylar -

- October -

Skylar can remember the day her father told her that the greatest weight he carried was the weight of being the Alpha. At the time she didn't understand him, she was barely dealing with the weight of being a wolf, of having an animal inside of her who's instincts were so primal and wild. But now, now she understood just what he meant. And she wasn' even sure if she could handle the weight, or if her shoulders were strong enough to carry it.

In the span of a month, she'd gone from being a mother and soldier, to being a mate, to being the alpha with a whole pack looking at her for guidance. The changing titles left her head spinning and left Skylar without a moment to even gasp for air. All of it making her head spin as she stumbled along the path her life had taken. A path straight into fucking crazy.

If Skylar was completely honest with herself all of it felt natural - as though she was born for it - which she was. She was born to be alpha, it was in her blood. She was an alpha on two sides of her bloodline and the power to control it all rested firmly in her hands. The only downside was she was absolutely scared of the new power she carried.

She also knew she was born to love Paul and be his mate, that wasn't the gods or spirits deciding who her forever love was. It was her choice, and she'd made it long before the supernatural even entered her life. She had chosen to let him into her heart when they were teenagers, and she'd carried him deep within it even as she spun a lie saying she didn't need him. He was her other half, her reason for living.

All of this was her birthright.

Yet it didn't stop the fear, it circled around her veins like a disease. Polluting her every thought and feeling and threatening to flay her alive. She knew what she was scared of, that she wasn't enough, that all of this was some big cosmic joke and it would turn out that she was the wrong choice. Both for Paul and for the pack. That the only thing she would be good at was killing people.

" Skylar – " the gentle voice breaks her from her musings and she looks over to see her mother lingering in the doorway.

Emmie Black looked a far cry from the strong woman Skylar remembered her to be. She looked tired and withdrawn and it's with that sight that Skylar's remembered that her mother lost a man she loved. Skylar lost a father, yes, but Emmie Black lost the man who fathered her children. It was strange to see the damage, see the remnants of love shining in her mother's eyes. Especially when Leiah was in another room and carrying the title of widow.

Though in some ways, Skylar's mother was a widow too.

Their bond was frayed, loose strings hanging in the breeze and waiting for the final tug that would either piece them together or tear them apart. That alone was another stark reminder of what her life had become, standing on a battlefield across from her mother. A mother who never believed in her, had just grouped her in as a bad kid and then helped to lie to her.

Yet, Skylar had forgiven her long ago. Many nights sat feeding Emmie-Jo in the early hours making her realise that if she'd been in her mother's shoes. She'd have made the same choices, she'd have walked the same path. It was a defence mechanism that kept her mother at arm's length, that forced her to lie that she hadn't forgiven the woman. When a part of her, wanted nothing more than to drop to her knees and beg her mother's forgiveness. Beg for her guidance.

After all, she did name her daughter after her mother, that alone was proof that the elder woman still had a place in Skylar's heart.

" Hey, momma – " a tired smile lifts the edges of her lips as she brings a hand up to run through her ebony hair. " Are you doing okay ? "

Skylar was positive that it was daughterly concern that made her ask the question, but something dark whispered in her mind that it was a lie. She was asking for one reason, one reason only. Growling low in her throat at a level her mother can't hear, she lets her eyes drag back to the kitchen window. Outside the world was swallowed in darkness, yet with her supernatural eyesight, it appeared to be dusk. Allowing her to see the movement of bats as they flew over the area, the way the stars twinkled as though taunting her that the world was still spinning. Whilst hers had momentarily frozen in grief, outside it was still spinning.

" It should be me asking you that question. " Her mother states coming to settle in the chair opposite her and drawing Skylar's attention once more, her mother's aged eyes filled with worry but also love. " So, how are you ? "

A heated sigh flutters past her mismatched lips as she shrugs. " I keep telling myself I'm okay. That I'm dealing, but I'm not. I just – "

Her words stutter in her mouth as her head falls, her eyes drifting over each crack in the oak table as she searches for the words. As though the wood beneath her held the secrets of how she could keep herself together. Shaking her head dejectedly she raises up once more to level her gaze on her mother.

" I don't know what I'm supposed to do ? "

The way the words settle between them reminds Skylar of the times when she'd been a teenager, before her anger issues, and she'd come crying to her mom for advice. Begging the elder woman for advice because she didn't know what to do. It was so reminiscent of that moment that she allows melancholy to settle within her for a moment. To silence the grief that even now was still swirling through her veins like gasoline.

" There is no exact way to move forward, little one. " Emmie sighs " You lost your father, and whilst normal people get time to grieve, to deal with the weight of everything. You were shouldered with his title, everyone looks to you for decisions and expects you to simply bury everything you're dealing with. "

Wow, she forgot her mother was observant.

" But the thing none of those old fuckers realise, underneath everything that makes you supernatural. You are still human. It's okay if you don't have all your answers, little one. It's not on you to have them all. "

Emmie Black had a certain talent people didn't realise, her voice was as soothing as her brothers. Whilst Billy used his voice to weave the tales of the ancestors and draw people into the magic of the supernatural. Emmie used her voice to lull people into understanding. She took a difficult situation and helped someone see the light.

Moving Skylar switches seats and settles beside her mom, her arm slithering around the elder woman's waist as she buries her head into the curve of her mother's shoulder. With a shuddering breath, she lets the tears fall, the heat of them burning a path down her cheek as she draws comfort from her mother's scent. A scent she didn't know she needed till now.

" I'm sorry momma – " she cries. " I'm sorry I blamed you for Uncle Billy's mistake. "

Her mom's fingers run through her hair as she makes soft soothing noises. " I don't blame you for that little one. I deserved it, I chose to follow my brother in his hair-brained decision and I lost you as a result. But the one thing that has never changed, and that is I am loyal to you and your brother. I always will be. "

The words are divided in their reassurance - the part of her that was a daughter clings to it and allows the knowledge that her mother still loved her to cocoon her in comfort. But the alpha part - clings to it and begins its degrading task of examining how it could use that for its own needs.

Every decision and choice was now weighted with the disgusting taste of alpha power and duty. She wasn't ashamed to admit that she looked at everyone gathered around her and wondered how she could use them. Use their weaknesses to make the whole strong. Use her mother's loyalty, Paul's anger, Sonny's sunshine outlook, Cole's childish simplicity. Use it all and make sure her pack survived.

It was disgusting. And further proof of what her father once said, that the weight of the alpha was crushing. It was all about duty and using and doing anything to make sure that duty was fulfilled.

" I hate this – " Skylar mutters deep into the curve of her mother's neck.

" Hate what ? " her mother asks, never ceasing her actions.

" I listen to your words. And a part of me, the alpha part is wanting to use that unwavering loyalty. To turn it into a solution to deal with what is happening. It keeps tainting everything. Even now, my love for Paul is overshadowed by this, alpha part, wanting to use his rage to help me fight. "

It was weird, how about a month ago she hadn't spoken to her mother in ten years. Now here she was divulging everything, every worry, every secret. But that was the true weight of a mother's love. No matter the choices, a mother would always love their child and stand by them.

And yes she was still angry, but Skylar was willing to let it go. After all her mother was the only parent she had left. The last remaining elder who could truly guide her, help her raise Emmie-Jo in the supernatural world and prepare her for what was coming.

" Then use it. " Her mother answers, making her shoot up and look at the elder woman in confusion.

" Skylar it's not as complicated as you're thinking it is – " Her mother soothes. " You're looking at it as though the alpha side of you is a crime. But it's not, it's a part of who you are. To you, it's tainting everything, but in reality, it's trying to guide you. "

Okay, point to Emmie Black for being confusing as hell.

" Your pack is looking for guidance Skylar. You see yourself as using them to better the pack, using everything they are in a bad way. But you're not, you're using them to better the weaknesses of others. " She states " You aren't using them. Skylar, you're bettering them. "

The one thing Skylar had forgotten till that moment was that her mother was a tribal member, she knew all the secrets of the La Push pack. And maybe she didn't know about her husband's connections to the shapeshifting world. But she was someone who could guide them, using the knowledge she'd been birthed on.

After all Emmie Black was the daughter of an alpha, just like Skylar. And whilst she had never phased she had been raised around the understanding of what a wolf faced. In other words, she was the greatest resource Skylar had and she'd been ignoring her and leaving her in the background. Okay, her anger at the time had made sense, but she could have restored that bridge a long time ago. Skylar tended to hold grudges for far longer than she should and her mother was living proof of that.

Sighing softly she leans against her mother's shoulder as she listens to sounds surrounding her. From Bella and Cole's heartbeats, to the two heartbeats that mattered. Paul and Emmie-Jo. Skylar could picture them now, cuddled up in Skylar's bed as the two of them got lost within their dreams. She had been there too till her worries had forced her awake, and even now she knew that memory would be one she'd cherish.

Her child and her mate, her future.

Their heartbeats pulse in her ear as she lets her mother's words - and Paul's - churn around inside of her mind. It reminded her of the military, every soldier brought a piece of the puzzle and together they came up with the solution. It was something she'd forgotten in this instance. She wasn't the whole solution, she was just a piece of it. The one who glued it all together and guided all the other pieces.

Her mother was right, so was Paul, she wasn't using her pack in the way she thought. That and she was avoiding a part of herself in the process. She could admit, sitting in the comfort of her mother's touch with Emmie-Jo and Paul's heartbeats ringing in her ear - she could admit that she was scared to be alpha.

The power that came with the position being something that truly frightened her. Also, a small part was linked to her attack ten years ago. Sam had been an alpha and he lost control, hurting her in the process. A small part of her wondered if that was what would happen to her. Skylar could barely control her temper and it was a well-known truth. Would she end up hurting someone too? Would she cause someone the same pain she had felt?

It was enough to make her sick, and if she had anything in her stomach minus coffee, Skylar was sure she would be. Instead, her stomach simply rolls with disgust as her mind continues to shuffle through memories and thoughts like a deck of cards. Trading and discarding as she goes.

" Get some sleep momma. " she offers gently looking up towards the elder woman. " Tomorrow is going to be another long day. "

She could see her mother wanting to dispute, but surprisingly she doesn't. Instead, she leans down and places a small kiss to the crown of Skylar's head before raising with a fluidity that could rival a shapeshifter and heads back towards the room she'd been given. The soft click of her door ringing out in the silence left behind by her absence as Skylar once more turns to look out the large kitchen window.

She loses track of time as she sits there and soon the darkness gives way to the soft pinks and oranges of the morning, the bats being replaced by birds as morning starts to roll in and her lips twitch upwards as she finally settles on a plan of attack. Around her, the sounds of waking bodies rouse her attention away from the window and back into the harsh plains of reality.

Standing Skylar hisses as the stiffness of her body reminds her of how long she'd been sat resembling a statue and with a large stretch she listens as her body creaks and cracks back into place. Her new power rolling over her skin like a subtle reminder that she had a duty, a vow to undertake.

The soft footsteps behind her have her head-turning, whiskey eyes falling on Cole and Bella as the two stop in the doorway as though gouging if it was safe. Nodding towards her packmate he gently nudges the brunette forward and soon the awkwardness bleeds away as an age-old routine begins to unfold. The three of them set out to serve breakfast like they'd done a million times before. All three of them move around each other without words and yet their actions remain in sync with one another.

" I need you to head home with my mom today Bells. " Skylar quips around a mug of coffee, her eyes levelling on the brunette.

" Can I ask why ?. "

She had to chuckle at the subtleties wrapped in that one sentence, her friend both wanting to know as well as disguising her hurt over the fact Skylar was sending her home. Bella had gotten better at covering her emotions and yet Skylar could still read them in the younger females eyes like a book.

" Because you're the only person I trust to look after Emmie-Jo. " she shrugs. " I don't want her anywhere near here when I set out to get revenge for what happened. She's my weakness, and it won't be long before the other shifters figure that out. With you and my mom, she's safe and protected. "

Before Bella can answer, Paul walks in carrying the toddler in question and she smiles as she lowers her mugs and holds out her arms for the bundle of energy. Her lips pressing against the crown of her daughter's head as she drags in heady mouthfuls of her scent. A part of her crooning in pleasure as she catches the traces of Paul's scent mixing in with her daughters.

Looking up at her mate she could see his eyes swimming in questions prompting her to lean up and silence the birthing of them with her lips. His rich chuckle ghosting over her face in a puff of air before he moves and grabs his own mug of coffee.

" So will you go ?. " Skylar asks Bella as she sets out settling Emmie-Jo at the table. Once more returning the conversation to what it previously had been.

" Skylar – " Bella starts before she's interrupted by Skylar raising a hand.

" Bella, as an alpha I have to respect one thing, and that is that you are Sam's imprint. Meaning right now, it is well within my duty to send you back to him before I end up in a way with the La Push pack. As your friend though, I am asking that you please look after my daughter with my mother, whilst I go out there and deal with those who stole my father from me. From the pack. "

It wasn't hard to note the way her voice had changed, gone was the friendly warmth and in its place was a hardness Skylar had only ever heard from her father. The alpha tone. She couldn't compel Bella, for she wasn't officially part of Skylar's pack, but she hoped that as her friend she would do this one thing for her. The biggest thing Skylar had ever asked if she was honest with herself.

Bella nods, no longer trusting her voice and Skylar sighs. The use of the alpha tone was one she knew would put a strain on her friendship but she couldn't help it. Nothing was the same anymore and those surrounding her would just have to come to terms with it.

Cole remains silent as he places down Emmie-Jo's breakfast but she can see in her stepbrother's eyes, he was raring for the fight she was planning. His wolf barely contained beneath the surface and no doubt howled within his veins for the fight it could taste on the wind. Skylar could tell this, as her own was doing the same. Its heat was coiling around her bones, strengthening her, compelling her to shuck the facade of human skin and hunt like an animal.

" So it's war ? " Paul asks as he comes to stand behind her, his large arms wrapping around her as he rests his chin on her shoulder.

" It's war, " she confirms turning to look at him. Her lips barely a hair's width away from his own. " But I intend to win this one. And then get started on our future. "

She can feel more than see the upturn of his lips as his signature smirk settles along them. " Now that, my mate, sounds like one hell of a plan. "

- ʚɞ -

A / N: Reviews are love and highly appreciated- This chapter sucks as for some reason I'm not liking the direction this story went. But I am going to power through it and get it finished. Your opinions would be highly appreciated, do you still love this story?. Or have you all given up on it?

Also if you've been reading Twin hearts you'll see that lately, my writing style has changed - you can thank the other new story I'm writing for that - but anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. And I hope I still have some readers out there.