Chapter Twenty-Four

"I can't believe I have to break into my own apartment."

"You're making this so much more dramatic than this needs to be."

Rose stared at her door, the gold '35' clear but her vision pretty hazy around the edges. Scorpius looked extremely impatient, which was pretty much his normal state of being, but this time she could see a small vein protruding the side of his jaw.

"I'm not being dramatic!" she said at a perfectly reasonable volume. He shushed her. "I left my keys in the club." She knew her friends would pick up her purse, but she wasn't going to go back just then.

"I know, you've told me three times already. Will you please just let me unlock it by magic?"

"But we're in a Muggle building."

"Just shout it louder, why don't you," Scorpius whispered, exasperated. "You're impossible. Couldn't you have taken it easy on that last drink?"

"You're drunk, too!"

"Barely," he retorted, but even in her state she could tell he was tipsy. "Just shut up for like two seconds –"

"I will not," Rose said, affronted by the thought. "Women have been silenced for too long –"

"Forget it," he ground out, grabbing her wrist. He dragged her over to his flat, disregarding her rambling and the fact that she nearly tripped on her stupid heels. As he began packing clothes into a bag, Rose kicked off her shoes.

"What about my clothes?" she asked, and Scorpius wordlessly tossed an extra t-shirt and shorts towards her. This was enough for Rose to start spluttering; even she knew that was crossing some friends-with-benefits line. "I can't wear your clothes – maybe I could –"

"Really, Rose?" he asked, chuckling. "You won't let me open your door, remember?"

"They won't even fit," she waffled, trying not to blush more than she already was.

Scorpius ignored her entirely, heading to his bathroom.

"We also need my sleeping bags, right?" Rose asked, following him. "Aren't we going to camp out on the roof?"

"On the roof?"

"So we can see the stars," she explained. "Why else would you go camping?"

"You can't see the stars on the roof," he replied, grabbing his toothbrush and another one still in the wrapper, "it's the middle of the city. We're not even allowed up there."

"That's some bullshit."

"We're going to the cottage, obviously," he said. Rose frowned. "Listen, we'll figure something out, all right?"

As it turned out, Scorpius' version of sleeping bags were some fluffy pillows and blankets laid out on the grass. Even after they'd arrived at the Malfoy Cottage and set up their makeshift beds behind the house, Rose was still sceptical about the entire situation. That was, until Scorpius made hot cocoa for both of them.

"It's actually quite nice out right now," Rose said once she was sitting on her pile of blankets and cradling her mug in her hands. "It's been so hot."

"To think that September is just around the corner," Scorpius said. He'd kicked his long legs out and even though it was quite dark, she could see him in the moonlight.

"You've finally relaxed," she commented, giggling.

"You're a little too relaxed, if I'm being honest," he said, observing her. "Is this more comfortable to sleep in than your glittery thing?"

"It was a good dress for the occasion," Rose grumbled, but he was probably right. Scorpius' clothes were a tad too large, but truthfully, she really could feel herself relaxing after the ruckus of that night.

The crickets creaked around them as they sipped hot chocolate, watched the moon's reflection glistening on the lake and the stars peeking above them while enjoying the warm breeze brushing over them. This was why she liked spending time with Scorpius: they both seemed to appreciate these sorts of quiet moments. She wished Albus hadn't gone and complicated all of that.

As she sat there, she noted that one thing was for certain: there was a noticeable absence of any sort of butterflies.

Which isn't to say she didn't want to be around Scorpius. She was content, sure. The drinks were wearing off, which was a relief. But as she sat there with him, she didn't feel nervous or overly on edge – so unlike how she felt around Nathan. But she was starting to understand that it wasn't love. Love was so out of control for her.

But didn't that also mean that it was just friendship with Scorpius?

"So, did the Magpies win?" Rose asked, wrapping her blanket around her shoulders to distract herself.

"No," Scorpius admitted, chuckling. "It was a good game, though. 300 to 200."

"You're a loyal fan." She gestured to the Magpies logo on the t-shirt she'd borrowed from him.

"It was a fun night." He put his mug down and leaned back on his hands. "You know, I kind of understand what you were talking about before, back at the pub. We are still young, aren't we?"

"That's what I'm saying!" she said, brightening. "Why is everyone in a rush to grow up?"

"I dunno." He was quiet, looking out at the lake. "I regret I rushed things."

"It's not like you could've known back then."

"I've been thinking about how I might want my life to look like," he said slowly. "I've been avoiding that for a few years. Or maybe I just became complacent and thought I'd ride this out until I die."

She drained her cup before placing it carefully onto the grass and lying into her blankets. He was much chattier after a drink or three, and she was enjoying it immensely. "Just do what I did, and reinvent yourself."

Scorpius laughed.

"I'm just joking," she assured. "It just seems like you're already doing what you're supposed to do, right? You're doing that class and you'll probably get in somewhere for a program. You won't know unless you try."

"I don't know what I'm doing, actually," he corrected. "You know it's because of you that I thought to apply at all, right?"

"Really?" She knew she triggered some sort of quarter-life crisis in him, but she wouldn't exactly take credit for that. Scorpius was the one who did the work, made his decision and fought with his father.

"Yeah," he confirmed. "Anyway, you're right. I won't know until I try."

"That's what I'm hoping for this new job. It starts next week." She turned onto her side, chewing her lip. "I'm not sure I'm actually going to be good at this job."

"You still have the weekend to prepare yourself."

"Right," she said, stomach sinking. "Fuck, after tomorrow – today, I mean – it's going to be non-stop wedding shit for two days."

"You sound excited," he noted sarcastically.

Rose sighed and sunk back into her pillow. "I promised to help, plus there are some people…" She thought of Nathan, dreading having to tell him how she didn't want to actually date him and he was just the wedding date. But perhaps Skye had taken care of that – what was going with her, anyway?

"Some people?" Scorpius urged, interrupting her thoughts.

She cleared her throat. "Just some people I have to avoid."

"I'm sure it will be fine."

"You don't know my family."

"Maybe I'm just a pessimist," he said, "but weddings themselves are sort of overrated and a headache. Sometimes I wonder if they have anything to do with marriage at all."

Rose paused. "Do you — do you think you'd ever get married again?"

"I… I dunno. My family wouldn't like it." He was suddenly avoiding her eyes.

"Do you want to?"

Scorpius didn't answer.

"My ex proposed to me a year ago, before we broke up," Rose admitted quietly. "I think he just did it because he knew I wanted him to. Albus said I wasn't in love with him."

"Were you?"

"I guess not." She tried to think back, but her brain felt hazy. The drink certainly made her a little bolder but she couldn't think straight. "I thought I was in love with him."

"Did you get engaged?" he asked, lying down on his blankets.

"No." She looked away. "I wanted to, but… we were fighting all the time. But it's always like that in relationships, isn't it?"

"Fighting?" he asked, sounding surprised. "No, I don't think so."

She glanced at him, frowning. "I mean, it was fine sometimes, things were good. I would try to make him happy, but then he'd be shitty to me, you know? And I'd be fucking blind to it because of love or whatever and it'll just hit me one day that something's not right. Then we'll fight and make up and everything is good again. Until it isn't."

"That… doesn't sound right at all," Scorpius said gently. "I think you'll fight sometimes. But in my experience, if you're fighting more than you're happy, you're probably just in the wrong relationship."

"I dunno." She sighed. "I'm sort of convinced all relationships are like that."

"What makes you so sure? Do you think your cousin's relationship is like that?" he asked. "He's getting married. You should probably warn him."

"No," she admitted, screwing her eyes shut. "I didn't know you were such an advocate for relationships."

Scorpius snorted. "I didn't realize I was until just this second."

"How'd you get over it, then? How'd you just get over everything that happened?"

"My relationship wasn't like that," he clarified. "We just couldn't agree on a lot of fundamental things, and after a while, we were just really unhappy without them. I didn't get over it so much as I learned not to do that again."

"Right."

"You spend a lot of time trying to make everyone else happy."

"You've told me that before," she acknowledged.

"Glad I said something that made sense to you."

Rose smacked him lightly on the arm, making him laugh.

"I just don't want to disappoint everyone," she said, remembering what she'd told Roxanne earlier. "I feel like I spend so much time doing things for them never to amount to anything, because nothing is ever good enough." It went unsaid that she was mostly speaking about her mother.

He turned on his side so he was looking at her properly. "Sounds like you've dealt with a lot of expectations."

"Doesn't everyone?"

"No," he said, raising an eyebrow. "Unlike you, I'm not the descendant of war heroes. Literally no one has expected I would amount to anything, would you prefer that?"

"I am going to maim someone at The Prophet one of these days," Rose seethed. "Where do they even get off, writing this about someone who's never done anything to anyone?"

Scorpius grinned. "Luckily for you and your future jail time, I couldn't care less what those shits say about me. I know who I am."

Rose didn't reply, looking at him thoughtfully.

"We should sleep," he said quietly.

"I don't want to sleep." Even if her body felt exhausted; her mind was whirring, somewhat haphazardly. "Scorpius, I know who you are, too."

"I figured, since you're here," he joked.

"You're amazing." The words left her mouth before she realized she'd thought them, and something in his expression made her say it again, so he would believe her. Because it was the truth, and she wanted her friend to feel happy. "I think you're amazing, okay?"

There was a rustle of blankets and grass, and then he was leaning over to press his lips against hers. She felt her chest soften as he moved his fingers to her cheek, kissing her again and again until she was fisting his shirt in her hands and pulling him on top of her.

There was something wonderful about the way his body weighed on top of hers, warm and familiar, heavy but comforting. Rose found her hands running through his hair, wanting him closer, especially when he nibbled on her bottom lip. She hummed into his lips, causing him to grind his hips into hers.

In one moment, it was slow and gentle, their breaths intermingling with the crickets chirping and the water lapping in the background, and the next moment, it wasn't. Scorpius surprised her by pushing her wrists on either side of her head, mouth a little more desperate.

Rose attempted to wrap her legs around his hips, but her foot was caught in between his blanket and her knee. Understanding this, Scorpius moved his knees upward to her hips, but the blankets had wrapped around his leg.

"Okay," he said, wiggling around, "I think I'm stuck."

"We're getting tangled," Rose realized. The blankets were twisted around them, and her head was spinning way too much to untangle them. "We need to…"

"Yeah, we should stop," he said, chuckling. "I'm not a fan of drunk sex anyway."

Rose tried not to feel too dissatisfied as he shuffled out of her blankets and went back onto his own makeshift bed. "I've always wanted to do this, though. Under the stars."

"Yeah, me too." He covered himself fully, shifting around and making himself comfortable. "But maybe another time."

"Okay."

"What's the rush, right?" he asked, making her smile. Even after he fell asleep, she couldn't stop smiling.

Even Rose could admit that this was so far beyond being fuck buddies. She tried, but she couldn't deny the way she trusted him or admired him. He just understood her.

She couldn't describe what they were. All she could think was that she was Rose and he was Scorpius, and that was the best way to describe them. More than flowers and dates and holding hands, more than sex, more than friends. They just were.

And that was okay. She was in control.

The sickness was rolling in Rose's stomach an hour later, and she barely made it to the bathroom before she hurled.

Scorpius did some sleepy confused mumbling when she ruffled through his bag for that extra toothbrush – "That's my bag, get your own!" – but after brushing her teeth twice and downing a large glass of water, Rose actually felt a little better.

When she woke again, it was quite warm and bright outside but the shade from the cottage was cast over her. Birds were chirping loudly in the trees, and normally that would be pleasant, but she had a pounding headache. The blankets and pillows that Scorpius was using had vanished, and she could hear the clanging of pots and pans coming from inside. She dragged her blankets inside and found him in the kitchen; cooking, of course.

"This isn't camping," Rose said once she'd approached him. "You know that, right? This is glamping."

Scorpius continued whisking eggs in a bowl, not bothering to glance up. "Good morning to you, too."

"You're making breakfast," Rose observed, sinking down onto the barstool, watching him, "and I have the worst headache I've ever had in my life."

"It's actually brunch," he said, gesturing to the clock on the wall; it was well past noon.

"I'm such an idiot when I'm drunk," she moaned. "I'm never drinking again. Why the fuck did I want to go camping in the middle of the night?"

"You did say it was a good night, though," he pointed out, starting the burner on the stove and placing a pan over it. "Besides, I'm sure all your friends are just as hungover as you are."

Rose thought of Albus and tried not to laugh.

"They're going to kill me for ditching," she said guiltily. She'd have to make her way back to Albus and Charlotte's flat eventually; she'd left all her things there, including her wand.

"What if they didn't notice?" Scorpius teased, and she stuck her tongue out at him.

"How are you feeling?" she asked, resting her head down on her arms and watching him scramble the eggs. She didn't particularly want to eat, but she'd never turn down food. "Are you hungover?"

"Nah, I'm fine. Just a little headache."

She could sympathize; her head was still throbbing. "Your House Elf could make breakfast, right?"

"I don't like to bother her. She takes care of my parents."

"My mum's against House Elf enslavement," Rose told him, making his eyebrows shoot up in surprise. "She thinks they should be paid."

He considered this, though she could tell from his expression that he thought this was strange. "Well, I guess it's a good thing you learned how to cook."

"I should make something for you one of these days," she said, and he shrugged. "No, really. You've taught me a lot."

"My grandparents were so angry when I learned how to cook," he said, chuckling. "They're still not speaking to me for living in a Muggle building."

Rose wondered how his grandparents would react to them being friends. "That's terrible."

"They'll get over it someday."

"Our families are very different," she commented, staring at the patterns on the granite counter and trying not to feel dizzy. Scorpius shuffled the eggs onto a couple of plates and tossed a few pieces of toast onto them. He sat beside and shifted one of the plates towards her.

"Is your dad still angry with you?"

"Yeah." He dug his fork into his eggs, a tad forcefully. "He'll get over it, too."

"Maybe he wants you to work in the Apothecary forever," she joked, making the corners of his mouth turn upwards. "You know, I'm thinking that we should hang around Diagon Alley together. Albus could come too. Maybe you'll get some good press."

Scorpius stopped chewing. "What?"

"I think it would work," she said nonchalantly, biting into her toast. "Maybe they'll even lay off your family for a while. That would be brilliant."

"You would want that?" He was openly staring at her now.

"Of course." The more she thought of it, the more she liked the idea. The Malfoys ran the Apothecary for crying out loud; it supplied St. Mungo's. People should trust them more.

Scorpius turned back to his plate, swallowing.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"What made you decide to get this?" Rose asked. His eyes followed as she gently touched his sleeve and drew it upwards to reveal his tattoo. "Can I ask about that?"

"Yeah." He adjusted his glasses nervously. "There's always been a lot of truth behind what The Prophet says about my family history. Not me," he corrected quickly upon seeing the look on Rose's face, "but sometimes it's hard to not be ashamed of what they did."

Rose's head was suddenly aching a little more.

"But I can't change anything." He played with his eggs, shifting them around his plate. "There's nothing I can do about that. But I don't have to hold myself to other people's standards. I can change what being a Malfoy means. Maybe if I have kids, they don't have to go through this."

Rose nodded. She could barely remember what he was like in school, and from what he'd told her, she guessed he spent a lot of time shying away from the spotlight. To add to that, he'd gotten married and divorced so early. Rose was starting to comprehend just how quickly he'd had to grow up.

He glanced at his shoulder, where her fingers were still playing at the dark ink in his skin. "It's just a reminder, I guess."

"I get it." Rose trailed her fingers down until she was intertwining them with his. "Honestly. I know what it's like to not be accepted for who you are. Or when other people assume things about you."

"I know you understand."

"You do?"

"Yes," he confirmed a little more strongly. "You've never asked, you know? Not even once. You've never asked whether the rumours were true. You just… I dunno." He looked away.

If she was honest, she'd never even thought to ask. After years of hearing this and that about her family in the papers and gossip magazines, she could never assume anything she read was real – not that she'd read much about the Malfoy family, really. Scorpius was closed off and sometimes grumpy towards her, but he'd never been evil.

"You accept me as I am," Rose said after a moment. "I'm a complete mess, a little intrusive and I talk too much. Why wouldn't I do the same for you?"

He shook his head and looked back at his plate, smiling.

"At least you get to inherit this place," Rose said light-heartedly, looking around the beautiful, luxurious cottage. "Once, my dad tried to give me an old lighter as inheritance. What the hell do I need that for?"

He laughed. "You're welcome here anytime, Rose."

"Okay, I feel spoiled, now," Rose decided, pushing her nearly-empty plate away. "We need to do something that we would actually do while camping."

"I've never really gone camping," he admitted, glancing out the window, "but yeah, you're right. Let's go outside."

The afternoon heat was setting in as they took a walk outside. Men's clothes were thicker than women's, and Rose could feel the sweat dripping down her back as they walked around. The previously chirping birds had retreated into the shade, probably napping. Rose sort of wished she could nap.

But it was also lovely. There was a path around the lake, and they walked along until they found a dock leading out into the water. They sat at the edge, dangling their feet in the water – Rose hadn't worn her heels since the night before, anyway – watching as tiny fish swam away.

"I'm so jealous of this place, you have no idea," Rose told him, attempting to poke a curious fish with her toe. "How do you not just take your entire summers off and go on holiday here?"

Scorpius shrugged. "As you know, I'm not really a vacation person."

"I'm going to make you a vacation person, okay?"

He laughed. "I actually used to spend my entire summers here while we were in school."

"I wish we were friends in school," Rose said wistfully. "We could've gotten so many points for inter-house socialization. And then I would have invaded your cottage every summer."

Scorpius watched as she splashed around with her feet. "I'm going in."

"Wait, what?"

Before she knew it, he was pulling off his shirt and shorts and placed them onto the dock behind him. Rose scrambled backwards as he slipped into the water, splashing everywhere as he swam a couple of metres away.

"Watch it!" she squealed, ducking as she got sprayed.

"Come in," he invited, slicking his hair back. "The water feels amazing."

She shook her head. "Not a chance."

"Why not?" he asked, swimming back up to the dock. She shoved herself back again. "Are you scared or something?"

"No," she said defensively. "I just haven't brought a bathing suit."

"So? Just come in your knickers. Or," he said, grinning, "nothing at all. I wouldn't complain."

"Absolutely not!" she said, blushing and wrapping her arms around herself. "It's way too bright for that."

He leaned his forearms onto the dock, looking confused. "You're kidding, right? I've seen you naked for weeks. And there's no one around here, I promise."

"Not exactly," she said, stepping backwards again. "It's usually dark. Or I don't undress entirely."

Scorpius rolled his eyes. "Rose. I could see you. And you're fucking sexy."

Still she hesitated, unsure. She looked into the distance, where she could see a couple of seagulls skimming along the lake, but no one else.

"Here," he said impatiently. He tossed his glasses off onto his clothes, water droplets dripping off of them. "Help me find them later. Just come in."

Rose was thankful he swam off then, giving her a tiny bit of privacy as she pulled her clothes off and left them by his glasses. She was left in her underwear as she lowered herself in the water. It was cool but pleasant, even as goose bumps rose on her skin.

Scorpius came back when he saw her in, observing her carefully. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," she said, feeling the sandy ground of the lake between her toes. The water reached up to her collarbones.

"Good." He sneaked his arms around her and pulled her into him, the water resisting the movement. She rested her hands on the smooth skin of his shoulders as he floated them backwards. "Can you swim?"

"Of course."

He grasped her knees around him anyway, keeping her afloat. "I wish I could see you properly."

"What do I look like right now?"

"Most of you is kind of blurry," he admitted, chuckling. "But I can see your face."

Her face was rather close to his, and realizing it made her breath hitch. "That makes sense."

"I can see all your freckles," he said quietly. His thumb brushed a strand of wet hair off her cheek and he traced at the bridge of her nose.

"They get a little darker in the sun," she said, pulling herself closer and looping her hands at the back of his neck. He smiled as she pressed her mouth to his. His lips were wet, in an oddly pleasant way.

She exhaled quietly as she pulled away, keeping her eyes shut. "I wish I could freeze time."

"What do you mean?" he asked softly. The water lapped around them.

"Wish we could just… I dunno. Not return to normal life," she admitted. He kissed her again, slow and deliberate, palms on her jaw.

"No responsibilities?" he joked, breaking off their kiss and pressing his forehead against hers. "No jobs, no wedding, no reinventing yourself?"

"None of that," she agreed. "This is it, you know? This is everything."

"Yeah." He smiled. "I get it."

Rose was curled up on Scorpius' bed, wearing his t-shirt and hair still wet from her shower, reading a book she'd apparently left in his flat. She may have been procrastinating getting dressed; getting dressed meant going back to face her friends, so the procrastination was justified, okay?

When Scorpius came out of the bathroom, he was only wearing boxers. Wet blond strands flopped onto his forehead as he tossed dirty clothes into a hamper and his glasses were foggy around the rims. "I thought you would've left by now."

"I'm delaying the inevitable, I know." She sighed dramatically and tossed her book aside. "Maybe if I just stay here, no one will be angry with me."

"They probably won't be angry."

"You don't know that." Rose checked the clock. They'd spent the afternoon swimming and lazing about, but it was nearly evening and she desperately wanted to go back to her own flat, change into her own clothes and sleep.

"Thanks for going camping with me," Rose said quietly. "I think it just helped me with everything it went through last night. I know I'm a little impulsive sometimes."

Scorpius sat on the edge of the bed, and she could smell his soap and shampoo wafting over her. "I like that you suggest these things. I'd never think of them myself."

"I'm never boring!" she boasted sarcastically.

He laughed. "I'm probably going to study a little and take a nap, but you're welcome to stay here."

"I should study, too," she said absent-mindedly, watching him pull on a shirt. "I'm actually a little behind on that course."

"You should join me in the mornings," he suggested. "We can study before we both have to get the work."

"And you can shut your mouth," Rose replied. He was grinning and she made a face at him; he knew full well that she would not have the discipline to wake up, go running and study all before nine in the morning.

"It will probably be harder to study after work, though."

"I know. You were right, I shouldn't have taken that job." Rose chewed on her lip, thinking. "I should've just kept doing that course and looking for a job I would like. But also, bills."

"You can always quit if you don't like it," he suggested.

"Albus would be so angry with me." She shoved a hand through her curls. "He's probably going to be pretty annoyed at me when I show up. Charlotte's going to be absolutely pissed."

"You have to get back to reality at some point."

She stared at him, tight-lipped, overly annoyed that he was right. Then, without thinking, she put her arms onto his shoulders and yanked him forwards, kissing him hard.

Reality could wait.

Scorpius responded immediately, enthusiastically – she knew he didn't want to study that badly – and he was climbing over her, kissing her backwards until her head hit the pillow. He tossed his glasses onto his table before descending on her again, knees on either side of her hips, still smiling.

He wasted absolutely no time shifting his mouth to her neck, practically devouring her. His tongue on her skin felt so good that she momentarily forgot what she wanted to do, forgot that she was supposed to breathe. Almost automatically, her fingers slipped under his shirt and around his sides, smooth and warm on her skin.

That was the thing: she never hesitated to explore him.

What Rose couldn't understand was that she was very attracted to Nathan – a little too attracted – but she couldn't imagine being intimate with him without falling apart. She would have to be a little drunk before she could imagine being naked around him. A bit like how it was with Travis, she suddenly realized.

But how did Scorpius make her feel? How was this so easy with him? Was she not attracted to him?

With a groan, he broke off their kiss and shoved his shirt over his head.

Nope, Scorpius was definitely attractive to her. She was already wet, just from anticipation.

Which he could probably see, since he had skimmed his way down to her hips and she hadn't any underwear on. Even if he had done this for her several times by then, her legs still shook as he pressed gentle kisses on her inner thighs. It was instinctive, she realized, the way he'd slow down every time her breath hitched. Her hands clutched in her own shirt as he avoided her clit, throbbing as he teased her.

"Fuck," she groaned, throwing her head back. "If you're not getting on with it –"

"I'm taking my time," he said, breath grazing her skin. "You're always saying I should do that."

"Not now," she said, not realizing she had brought her knees together until he was pushing them apart again. "You – fuck, Scorpius –"

Rose drew a sharp breath when she felt his mouth on her. She never got used to this feeling, never unable to decide whether she wanted to press closer to him or further away. Subconsciously, her fingers ended up in his hair, winding through the strands.

He pushed a finger into her and her head was spinning all over again, but she definitely wasn't drunk anymore. Her eyes squeezed shut, torn between telling him to keep doing that right there or pushing him off of her so this wouldn't end so quickly. She didn't decide; her orgasm ended up taking her by surprise.

"Stop smirking," she said, staring determinedly at the ceiling, heart thumping her ribcage.

"I'm not." He was. Scorpius leaned up and kissed her jaw, looking very pleased with himself. "Pretty sure the neighbours heard that one."

"Shut up," she muttered. Rose was thankful there was no blanket twisted around her foot this time and hitched her still trembling legs around his middle. "You're not much better."

"I never claimed to be."

Rose let out a laugh and she found herself looking at him, attempting to understand what this was. Sex with Scorpius was definitely different than her previous partners, with an intensity of wanting and needing, but also a comfort she never had to question.

"What's so funny?" Scorpius whispered, but he was laughing, too.

"Nothing." She leaned in to kiss him again. Maybe she didn't need to know what this was, or figure it out right away. Maybe he would wait for her. Things were fine and in control.

But his impatience was obvious as he pressed against her, hard and ready. She hooked her thumbs in his waistband and tugged it down, causing Scorpius to pin her arms into the mattress. Rose tried not to gasp as he slid in between her thighs; she was too sensitive for that.

"Wait." Even though she knew Scorpius liked being in control, she stopped him anyway. "Can I try something?"

"Okay."

She could tell he was surprised when she pulled them vertical again. Sliding her knees on either side of his legs, she slowly sank down on top of him, causing both of them to moan loudly.

"Is this okay?" she asked, breathless.

"Yes." He kissed her deeply, fingers digging into her waist under her shirt. "Fuck, please move before you drive me completely mad."

She chuckled. "Maybe I like driving you mad."

"Evidently."

She broke their kiss in favour of figuring out the new position, moving slowly. Scorpius rested his mouth into that dip between her neck and her collarbone, occasionally kissing her there. That alone caused a shudder through her entire body, and at the same time, somehow, there was a heat from her cheeks to her ears to her belly.

He helped her along, meeting her hips with his. He was looking at her closely as they moved and she couldn't break that contact even if she wanted to, his eyes dark and expression careful. Eventually his gaze drew to her chest, still hidden by her shirt, and it made her pause.

At some point, Rose had to embrace the body she had, didn't she? If she was fine the way she was, then so was her body. She wasn't perfect, but was anyone? She'd been sleeping with Scorpius for weeks, and he had plenty of time to object. He'd said she was sexy, and in this position, she felt it.

"Are you okay?" he asked, kissing the corner of her mouth. She'd stopped moving entirely.

With a deep breath, Rose pulled her shirt over her head.

When she emerged, smoothing her hair, she could tell he was trying very hard not to smile. As she grinded her hips down, Scorpius left bruising kisses on her breasts, making her cry out.

It wasn't long until Scorpius was losing control, breaths turning to quick pants, lips latched onto her neck. He grasped her arse tightly, but the pleasure was so intense she couldn't feel it. He moaned her name as he came, voice rough and guttural.

Rose stilled on top of him, trying to catch her breath, pressing their foreheads together. Her chest was still heaving when Scorpius leaned in to kiss her.

She broke off with a breathy laugh. "I can't breathe yet."

"I can't help it," he whispered, kissing her once more. "You're so beautiful."

His words had her head spinning all over again.

Rose wiggled out of his grip and pulled the sheets out from underneath them and overtop of her. Scorpius joined her a moment later and she turned away; she caught her breath, but somehow she still felt like her lungs weren't getting enough. Everything about what just happened left her feeling far too vulnerable.

His arms wrapped around her anyway, oblivious. "You can nap here if you want."

"I might." She did feel exhausted.

"I wanted to talk to you about this," he said quietly.

"What?" Rose was immediately on alert, nervous. "Is this what you wanted to tell me last weekend?"

"Yeah." His fingers played at her waist, lips on her shoulder. "I know this started out as us having fun, but I think something's changed."

"It has?" she asked, voice small.

"At least, for me it has." The sudden uncertainty was unfamiliar in his voice. "That's why we should talk about it."

Rose turned around so she could look at him properly. She wanted to confirm what he meant because the sinking in her chest was coming in fast. "So… you're saying you don't want to do this anymore?"

"What? No," he said quickly, confused. "That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying the opposite."

Now Rose was confused. "What?"

"Listen," he said, taking her hand. "I'm saying that this isn't just for fun anymore. Obviously it's not, we spend nearly all our time together." Scorpius was all over the place, and it took a moment for Rose to decipher what he was trying to say.

And then it clicked, and Rose was up in an instant, gathering the sheets around her.

Scorpius sat up and shoved his glasses back on. "What's wrong?"

"Nonononono," she rambled, scrambling back. "No, we're just friends."

"Oh, come on," he said, chuckling. "You know that's not exactly true."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

He frowned. "Are you seriously saying that everything that happened today is normal friend behaviour? I'm not about to do any of the shit today with just any of my female friends, Rose. We're clearly way past friendship. We have been for a while."

"We're not," she said automatically, hugging her legs to her chest. "We can't be, okay?"

"Why not?"

"Because we're friends," Rose protested, the words sounding weak to even her own ears. "Just friends."

"That's just what we say!" he countered, hands raking through his hair, making it wild. "We say that because it's safe. It's safer to say we're friends than admit we care —"

"Scorpius —"

"— and I do care." He swallowed.

"I care," she said quietly, staring at her knees. Fuck, she was not going to lose her shit. She couldn't. "You're my friend. I care about you. So much."

Scorpius was quiet for a moment.

"So we can be friends," he said carefully, hurt traced in every word, "and we can shag, but we can't call it what it is. That's how you're rationalizing it."

"I never promised you anything," she pointed out. "You didn't promise me anything, either. Neither of us wanted a relationship."

"Things changed."

"Since when?"

"Since you wormed your way into everything," he said, annoyed. "Since you just had to know everything about me, and you had to be so fucking wonderful about it. Since you made me fall for you."

Rose faltered, guilt choking her. "I can't." I can't fall for you.

"Why not?" he challenged, voice rising. "And please don't tell me it's because you're – I dunno, being independent or something –"

"What if it is?" she cut in. "Can't you understand that? My whole life is a mess, I'm a fucking mess, and you know that better than anyone. You should understand why I can't be in a relationship right now."

"You're not a mess," he said, frustrated, "and why the hell does being independent mean you can figure things out any better? I've been your sounding board for weeks, and I would never have applied for that course if it wasn't for you."

Rose couldn't even respond to that.

"I am a mess," she insisted instead.

"Fucking hell," he said, turning away to put his boxers back on. "This whole thing with reinventing yourself is insanity. No one can do that."

"So now I'm insane?" she asked, stung. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

He poked his head through his shirt before answering. "You're not insane. Never mind."

"Scorpius."

"What?" he demanded. "I've told you it's all bullshit from the beginning, haven't I?"

"Why?" she asked, throwing her hands up. "Is it so bad to try to become a better person? Is it so bad that I want to do better in my life?"

"But when does it stop?" he erupted. "When are you done reinventing yourself? How many runs does it take? How many meals do you need to make? How many pieces of furniture do you need to buy? What's it going to take to realize you're you, and you can just be okay with that? And that I'm okay with that?"

Rose was taken aback for a moment; she'd never seen Scorpius like this.

"I don't know," she said shakily, feeling the burn in her eyes. "I don't know, but I have a long way to go before I'm going to be okay with myself."

"And until then, you don't want a relationship," he said dully.

"I don't."

Scorpius thought for a long time before he replied.

"Well, I don't want any of it, then," he decided. His jaw was clenched tightly and he spoke through gritted teeth. "I don't want to be friends."

"I – nothing?" Rose asked weakly.

He looked away. "No."

"I can't be more than friends, Scorpius," she said pleadingly, tugging the sheets tighter around her. "Relationships are so much pressure. I've never been able to handle it without losing myself. I just got myself back, okay? I finally feel like myself again."

"It doesn't have to be like that."

"But what if it is?" Rose wiped her cheeks roughly, barely registering her tears. "What if being friends is the best I can do? I don't know what love is supposed to feel like. What if I can't be a good girlfriend?"

Scorpius closed his eyes and exhaled out a long breath.

"Well," he said quietly, "I don't need more friends. And I'm not doing this anymore."

With that, he turned away and went back to the bathroom, locking the door behind him. He didn't come out, ignoring Rose's knocking and pleading. He stayed in there the entire time she got dressed back in her stupid party outfit and didn't answer when she said goodbye, having no choice but to leave.

And the worst part about it? All she wanted to do was grab at his cheekbones and kiss him until the hurt was gone from his eyes and he was smiling at her again.

Love or not, things had quickly spiralled out of control.

A/N: *peeks from behind fingers* Please don't hate me... or Rose... or Scorpius! We're all very flawed beings!

In all seriousness, I really hoped you enjoyed the chapter overall. The fluff was really lovely to write, Rose's understanding of love is developing (of course, before Scorpius rushed things) and I promise things will be happy again very soon.

Thank you for reading, and please let me know what you think :)