Disclaimer: I only own the (recovering) psychopath (well, one of them…). I don't even own this disclaimer – it's from BrokenKestrel's story Enemies Against ( s/13476376/14/Enemies-Against). Used with permission.

Many thanks to BrokenKestel also for betaing the chapter – any remaining errors are, of course, my own.

Content Warning: This chapter deals with the suicide attempt from the previous chapter.

Chapter 20

Captain Nemo opened his eyes and looked up. Before him stood King Edmund.

Yes, King Edmund. The boy looked much the same as he had since he had come aboard the Nautilus. But there was an air Captain Nemo had not noticed before. Edmund's eyes were stern and commanding, making him look older. Though little more than a boy, he clearly knew the meaning of justice, who knew of avenging wrongs.

And it was his voice who had told Captain Nemo to hold, to not kill himself. In spite of himself, he lowered his weapon so it hung at his side.

"Why?" Captain Nemo asked, his voice trembling. What reason could there be for putting off facing divine justice?

"You have not the right to destroy yourself," Edmund said.

Captain Nemo laughed – a wild raging laugh that held no mirth. "I have not the right? I stand condemned in the eyes of God. Why should I not end this and face His final judgment – of which there can be no doubt?"

"The judgement is indeed not in doubt," said Edmund, "if you despair of mercy."

"Mercy!" Captain Nemo exclaimed bitterly. Could the king have forgotten all that had happened? "Mercy is for the merciful! You know I am not merciful!"

"No one is," said Edmund, "not by nature."

"Then who can possibly receive mercy?" Captain Nemo asked. Was all this all just to torture him, a small foretaste of eternal divine wrath?

"It is something we must receive first," said Edmund. "I was a merciless bully before Aslan died for me."

"Aslan." Captain Nemo almost spat the name. What could the mysterious Talking Lion do to wipe clean the oceans of blood Neo had shed? The Lion was from another world. "If he exists, that was another god in another world. He has nothing to do with me."

"Another world, yes," said Father Christmas. "But not another god. Only another name. Aslan is the Son of the great Emperor-Beyond-the-Sea. The Son has been the Redeemer in many worlds, for there are always those creatures who do not keep their proper domain(1), and seek to corrupt the rest of Creation. Nothing but the sacrifice of the Son will atone for the creation that has fallen. In Narnia, the sacrifice was for King Edmund. But on Earth, the sacrifice was for all – including you."

Captain Nemo looked away. He knew of what Father Christmas spoke, and that was the problem. "Can it still be so?" he muttered. How could even divine mercy still be for him after he had spurned it for so long? If only he could see proof of mercy for himself here and now!

"You are still alive," said Father Christmas.

"What does that prove?" Captain Nemo's voice was almost a scream.

"Your life is your time of grace," Father Christmas said.

Captain Nemo laughed bitterly. "Grace, mercy – these are not things I have known or experienced."

Father Christmas raised his eyebrows. "Really, never?"

Captain Nemo looked down at the ground. "I have known small mercies – no life is so perfect to not need them. But the mercy I would need – that level of mercy can't exist."

"Grace is often made known to us by the ones who have been shown it."

Nemo looked up at Edmund's voice. The young king looked at him thoughtfully. "Or the ones from whom we need it."

He turned to look at Father Christmas. Father Christmas nodded, as if responding to an unspoken question. Then Edmund turned towards the forest.

"You may come now," he said.

Trepidation rising, Captain Nemo looked around to see what was making the rustling now coming from the forest.

Trepidation became despair, as the crew of the Nautilus emerged from the forest and quickly surrounded Captain Nemo. He shut his eyes, not wanting to see the just condemnation in theirs.

This was rather like meeting a lion – no, it was far more terrifying. What mercy could Edmund think there would be here? The treachery Nemo – he could no longer call himself their captain – had committed against these men would not, could not be forgotten.

He had broken every promise he had made these men as their captain when he had walked away and left them to die in the storm.

Such treachery could only be paid for with death. But Edmund had prevented him from taking his own life. So this was how it would be – his life ended by those he had wronged. It was not mercy, but it certainly was justice. And justice was something Nemo could understand. He stiffened, waiting for the death blow.

"What are your orders, Captain?"

It was Jakub's voice. Captain Nemo opened his eyes. Jakub was standing in front of him. He and the rest of the crew around Captain Nemo were armed, but none of them were threatening him. But for his burdened conscience (and the fact that he was kneeling on the ground), they might have been back aboard the Nautilus.

"Captain?" Jakub asked again. He indicated Vasiliev, still huddled at Father Christmas's feet. "What are your orders?"

His orders? What right did Nemo now have to give these men orders? And why were they asking for orders about Vasiliev?

He looked around at the crew, and the enormity of his sin pressed down upon him once more. It was not only his own soul he had taken straight into the jaws of hell. He had led over a hundred men along with him.

And they were oblivious to the danger. They had held him back from killing Edmund – their consciences were not quite as dulled as Nemo's own. But they had still helped him in his murderous vengeance. They were still willing to do so.

Nemo looked at Edmund. What was he supposed to see of Aslan, of God here?

"Do you not understand?" Edmund asked quietly.

Nemo shook his head desperately. What was here but a reminder, no, a magnification of his own sin?

"These are mere men like yourself, Captain," said Edmund. Nemo flinched at the title, but Edmund pressed on. "And here they stand, ready to forgive the wrong you have done them."

Nemo looked up at the men who had been his crew. Except for Jakub, none of their eyes met his.

Nemo looked back at Edmund. Fighting to hold back tears, he said, "I think they understand justice better than you think."

Before Edmund could respond, Jakub broke in. "Begging your pardon, Captain, but I don't think you rightly understand us."

"What do I not understand?" Nemo asked.

"I can't deny that what you said hurt, Captain," Jakub began. He paused, and seemed to be searching for words.

His words had "hurt"? Nemo had called them mutineers and traitors.

"But it was worse to see what you almost did, to see you become like –"

Jakub broke off, seeming on the verge of tears. It was several minutes before he was able to continue.

"But the king is right, that we'd rather put it all behind us." Jakub took a deep breath. "We forgive you."

Nemo looked around again. Some of the men were looking at him now, but furtively. There was fear in their eyes, but no anger. No one contradicted Jakub.

Nemo could make no sense of it. Mysterious visitors aboard the Nautilus and travelling to another planet were nothing compared to what was happening now. The laws of physics might explain other worlds and space travel. What law, what governing principle explained this – explained mercy?

"Captain, please," Jakub pleaded as Nemo remained silent. "You've given us everything – you gave us our lives back. All we want is you to not – to not become – become what you had us fighting."

Nemo buried his face in his hands to hide the tears he could no longer hold back. He had already become what he was fighting, become a killer like Vasiliev long before the men had stopped him from killing Edmund.

"You see this, Captain." Edmund was speaking again. "If you see such mercy in men, then know that the mercy of Aslan – whatever name he uses in this world – his mercy is greater."

"Indeed it is." Father Christmas now. "Far, far greater. The Good Shepherd gives His life for the sheep, who had gone astray. Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends."(2)

"Captain?" Jakub said again.

Captain Nemo slowly opened his eyes. He looked in anguish at the men he had once commanded. His words had been cruel enough. And he had betrayed these men and left them to their deaths. Even now they did not know the worst, how he had led them almost to hell. He dared not think of the men lying in the Nautilus's underwater cemetery.

The men around Nemo forgave him what they knew. If mercy was a divine attribute, then God's mercy would be greater than man's. But could even divine mercy really extend so far as to cover Nemo's betrayal and his years of murder?

Nemo turned towards Father Christmas, ready to ask what limits there were – could even God forgive without measure? But before he could ask, Nemo's eyes fell on Vasiliev.

Vasiliev was a murderer and traitor to his kin. Vasiliev had been absolved before Nemo's very eyes.

A murderer and traitor like him.

Nemo looked away and fought back sudden nausea. To be compared with Vasiliev! Yes, somehow, that was worse than the bare appellations of traitor and murderer.

Then he remembered the oceans of blood. He looked at his crew.

It was not only his own salvation at stake. These men who had followed him, obeyed his will. He had to try to deter them from the path he had set them on. He had to reject that path himself. That began by forgiving Vasiliev.

Biting back bile, Nemo rose to his feet. Shakily, he stepped over to Edmund and presented the pistol.

"I will not need this," he said quietly.

Wordlessly, Edmund gently took the weapon. He studied Nemo's face, then said, "May Aslan go with you."

Nemo only inclined his head, not knowing what to make of the blessing. Then he took a deep breath and turned back face to the crew.

"I do not deserve your forgiveness," he said. His voice trembled, and he stopped, not knowing how to continue.

"You are our captain," said Jakub firmly.

All around Nemo, the crew was nodding vigorously. In the normally silent crew, a few were even murmuring what sounded like "hear, hear" or "aye aye".

Nemo's tears were still flowing, but he did not try to hide them now. He embraced Jakub. Nemo tried to speak, but he could not form the words.

Jakub firmly hugged him back.

Perhaps words were not needed.

So it was with the other men. One by one, Nemo embraced them, wordlessly asking and receiving their forgiveness.

Then Nemo looked back at the men. They had forgiven much, far more than he could have ever imagined possible. But they still did not understand what he had done, had led them to do. But there was no time for long explanations – he had to face Vasiliev quickly before he lost his nerve.

"You see that I am now unarmed. I have no intention of harming anyone." Nemo's eyes scanned the body of men now in front of him. "Do I have your word you will not interfere with what I am about to do?"

They looked at one another in confusion, then looked at Jakub. Jakub looked at Edmund. Edmund nodded slightly. Jakub swiftly turned back to Nemo.

"We promise not to interfere," said Jakub.

Nemo nodded, then took a ragged breath as he turned to face Vasiliev. The man was only a few feet away.

Every step Nemo took felt like walking in deep mud. Or perhaps his legs had turned to lead. His stomach churned with acid. His worst memories played in his mind.

Anna, begging Vasiliev for her children's lives. Anna, lying dead on the floor with the children – all of them dead at Vasiliev's hand.

Nemo stopped and clenched his fists, trying to push down the memories, remembering that he was no better than Vasiliev.

But the knowledge was no use. If both he and Vasiliev were evil and deserving of hell, why should Nemo not take his enemy alongside to hell?

He stood still, struggling to master himself. And a different memory came to him, one he had not dwelt on for years.

It had been a long time since he had been to church, he had attended sporadically before that. But now he remembered the crucifix – the Man hanging on that cross who was more than a man.

That Man had been betrayed and then murdered, though He had betrayed and murdered no one. And from the cross, He had asked His Father to forgive His murderers.

This Man had died not for His own sins, but for the sins of others. For Nemo's sins. For Vasiliev's sins. He did not desire the death of the sinner, but his repentance. And with His death, for those who believed, there was now no punishment left.

There was no longer any need for Nemo to punish Vasiliev. And with faith in the God-Man's sacrifice, no need for Nemo to suffer.

Somehow, Nemo's legs began moving again, and he found himself directly in front of Vasiliev.

Vasiliev was still huddling in a ball next to Father Christmas. Trembling, Nemo fell onto his knees before Vasiliev.

Nemo could hear the crew behind him. This was not what they expected. He forced himself to ignore them. He hoped they would forgive him again when they fully understood.

For now, Vasiliev was all that mattered.

"I am here," Nemo began thickly. "I had no right to pursue you as I did –"

Vasiliev interrupted with a storm of sobbing. "No, no, you had every right. I am the one –"

"But I –"

Nemo broke off. He and Vasiliev looked at one another. Both were too overcome to speak. There was so much else for them to say – could words ever exhaust the wells of their guilt and remorse?

But need was there of lengthy confession? Each knew the offences of the other all too well. Each could see the other's tears of contrition. And each had heard the other – and understood.

They should have been brothers. They had wasted years as bitter enemies. Yet, beyond all hope, here they were, reconciled.

They fell on each other's necks and wept.

(1) Jude 6

(2) See Isaiah 53:6; John 10:11, 15:13